What Would Lucille Esmeralda McGillicuddy Ricardo Do? or WWLD

Ricky) Lucy I told you don't be a hoarder, I'm going to disinfect the club

Ethel) Well that's that

Lucy) Shut up and put your blue jeans on, we're going for a ride on the subway

R1 is a true Lucy fan. Nice job. You nailed it.

r2

Except every true Lucy fan knows Ethel will not ride on the subway in blue jeans

She would cook up a batch of Aunt Martha's Old-Fashioned Lung Liniment: chicken broth, spinach juice, turpentine, and bourbon.

Hitch up a trailer.

Ricky) Little Ricky is going to nursey school TODAY

Lucy) He can't go, those other children have contravirus

Ricky) Oh and we have the only sanitary child in the world? Enroll him today. I'm going to disinfect the club

Ethel) Well that's that

Lucy) No it isn't, I'll pre-santize Little Ricky, where's the bleach, he can drink that

Ethel) Is that safe?

Lucy) We can test it on Fred, is he home taking his morning nap

Ethel) Girl is he ever

[Fade out and back in]

Ethel) Well did it work, is Fred germ free

Lucy) Not only did it kill all those nasty contravirus germs but now Ethel, you're the SOLE owner of this apartment building

They wouldn't do anything because they're fictional characters, cunt.

^^^ Mrs. Porter

r6

Ethel already is the sole owner of the building.

Lucy hears that Carolyn Appleby is disinfecting her child in a bleach bath and naturally feels she has to compete. So Lucy decides she will disinfect Little Ricky in an ammonia and turpentine bath. Then as she is preparing the bath, she gets woozy from the fumes. Hilarity ensues as she struggles to stay awake, she tries to open the window to let out the fumes. Instead, all she manages to do is pull down the curtains on the window, followed by the shower curtain. She finally passes out from the fumes, collapsing onto the giant bathmat in spectacular fashion.

Ricky comes n and finds her passed out in the bathroom, which oddly does not have a toilet. He suggests an old Cuban recipe for disinfecting children using lye soap and other ingredients. Problem solved. End of episode.

I imagine at some point in the episode that their living room closet will be stuffed to capacity with toilet paper. The door will be opened and it will all fall out.

Ricky: Lucy! Lucy: Wahhhhh!

"Ethel, look what happened to YOUR immune system!"

Ricky: WOT??!! Yoob got Coronbeeroos?!!

Mrs. McGillicuddy: Yeeeess.

Lucy: But, Mother - why didn’t you tell us you were running a fever?!!

Mrs. McGillicuddy: You didn’t ASK me!

Lucy) I tell you Ricky, Ethel is the typhoid mary spreading this coronavirus. Tonight I'll take one of those old overcoats of Fred, that Ethel gave me to give to charity, put it on and spy on her

Ethel) If there is one thing Fred is not, and there IS ONLY ONE THING FRED ISN'T, and that is a hoarder

LUCY: "They're parts of a hazmat suit! You wear them when you give smart de-contamination parties!"

ETHEL: "I was wondering what to wear at all those smart de-contamination parties I give!"

I have sufficient coronavirus.

We know what ELSE Vitameatavegamin would be good for

Lucy Ricardo: I'm living on borrowed time. It was only by a very clever ruse that I managed to escape the coronavirus.

Police Sergeant: How was that?

Lucy Ricardo: I pretended to be a chair.

Ricky Ricardo: I don't like that tone. You are thinking again.

Lucy Ricardo: There's no law about me going to Romanov's. Perhaps maybe stopping by your table and...

Ricky Ricardo: Lucy, if I so much as see your face at Romanov's, I'm gonna wrap you up in brown paper and mail your coronavirus infeste ass, back to New York. And that's an ultimatum.

Now you know how the virus spread so fast in NYC

Well Ricky and Fred better believe it or they'll be planting the corona virus somewhere and won't be Grauman's Chinese....

Lucy has been hoarding toilet paper again, so Ricky decides to "titch her a lessun" once and for all by having Fred pretend to be a burglar and steal it all from her in the middle of the night. Fred shows up that night wearing his corona mask, but Lucy -having seen him wearing it for months now - recognizes him and twigs to Ricky's plan. She turns the tables on them by saying, 'Okay, you can have my toilet paper. Take my toilet paper, but please, please, please don't take my ventilator and PPE!" Fred demands that he be shown the ventilator and PPE, and Lucy maneuvers him to the kitchen where she sprays both men in the face with turpentine. At just that moment, Ethel rushes in the back door to warn Lucy, smoking a cigarette... There is a big explosion, and hilarity ensues.

Lucy would be sucking Ricky's Giant Peen .

^^^ Only after Caesar Romero is through.

Lucy Ricardo: I want the names to be unique and euphonious.

Ricky Ricardo: Okay. Unique if it's a boy, and Euphonious if it's a girl and Corvid if it's a trans

Ricky Ricardo: This whole thing is my fault. Something I said that started this whole mess.

Lucy Ricardo: What's that?

Ricky Ricardo: I'll have the pangolin and a side order of bat

Ethel Mertz: What are you writing about?

Lucy Ricardo: I'm writing about social distancing

Ethel Mertz: Starting with twin beds I see

Ethel Mertz: If I wore a mask like that you'd never let me hear the end of it.

Fred Mertz: Honeybunch, if the rest of you looked like that I wouldn't care if you wore a bag over your head.

Ricky Ricardo: Lucy! We need to talk 'bout your feenances agin'. Lucy Ricardo: Whatever do you mean, my dearest? Ricky Ricardo: Now none of that butterin' stuff. You know what I'm talkin' 'bout! You are over your budget for the fourth time since the quarantine! Lucy Ricardo: Now, Ricky... I told you that I had to buy a few necessities on the bl... uh... er... "gray" market. Ricky Ricardo: What 'cessities? You got enough toilet paper and han' sanitizer to clean up Yankee Estadium. C'mon. What did you buy? I'm waiting! Lucy Ricardo: Yes, sir. I mean no, sir. I mean... Weeeeeellll.... Ricky Ricardo: Lucy! Lucy Ricardo: I'm wearing it, sir? Ricky Ricardo: Lucy! You din' buy a new dress during a lockdown? How could you? You can't go anywhere! Lucy Ricardo: I din! I din! I mean I didn't! I just had to get my hair done. I just had to. Ricky Ricardo: An how did getting your hair done cost so much money? Lucy Ricardo: Well, the beauty parlor was shut down, so I had to bri... um... tip the owner to let me in. And then the manager and the beautician needed tips so they wouldn't tell anyone I'd been in. And then, just as I was going out a policeman saw me so I had to blow hi... I mean I had to "tip" him, too. Ricky Ricardo: Lucy, Lucy, Lucy. I'm shamed of you. Is that all? Lucy Ricardo: All, sir? Ricky Ricardo: Did you spend money on anything else? Lucy Ricardo: Just a checkup and a small prescription for a sore throat. Honest! Ethel Mertz: (entering) Hi Lucy. Any word yet from the clap clinic? Lucy Ricardo: Waaaaaaaah.

Ricky Ricardo: Lucy! We need to talk 'bout your feenances agin'.

Lucy Ricardo: Whatever do you mean, my dearest?

Ricky Ricardo: Now none of that butterin' stuff. You know what I'm talkin' 'bout! You are over your budget for the fourth time since the quarantine!

Lucy Ricardo: Now, Ricky... I told you that I had to buy a few necessities on the bl... uh... er... "gray" market.

Ricky Ricardo: What 'cessities? You got enough toilet paper and han' sanitizer to clean up Yankee Estadium. C'mon. What did you buy? I'm waiting!

Lucy Ricardo: Yes, sir. I mean no, sir. I mean... Weeeeeellll....

Ricky Ricardo: Lucy!

Lucy Ricardo: I'm wearing it, sir?

Ricky Ricardo: Lucy! You din' buy a new dress during a lockdown? How could you? You can't go anywhere!

Lucy Ricardo: I din! I din! I mean I didn't! I just had to get my hair done. I just had to.

Ricky Ricardo: An how did getting your hair done cost so much money?

Lucy Ricardo: Well, the beauty parlor was shut down, so I had to bri... um... tip the owner to let me in. And then the manager and the beautician needed tips so they wouldn't tell anyone I'd been in. And then, just as I was going out a policeman saw me so I had to blow hi... I mean I had to "tip" him, too.

Ricky Ricardo: Lucy, Lucy, Lucy. I'm shamed of you. Is that all?

Lucy Ricardo: All, sir?

Ricky Ricardo: Did you spend money on anything else?

Lucy Ricardo: Just a checkup and a small prescription for a sore throat. Honest!

Ethel Mertz: (entering) Hi Lucy. Any word yet from the clap clinic?

Lucy Ricardo: Waaaaaaaah.

You'd never hear her WAAAAAAHHHH through the mask or see her "Spider face" (see link)