The Celebrity Lie Translator

"I don't have time for a relationship." = Gay gay gay gay gay gay gay.

“Emergency dental surgery” = “Not worth my time.”

"It's going to charity." = The charity being me.

I will release my taxes after the audit, I am under audit and I can't release my taxes = I am never releasing my taxes you suckers.

Suffering from dehydration = alcohol binge

"I'm in love with Taylor Swift" = "I'm gayer than the day is long"

"I'm in love with Taylor Swift" = "I'm a lesbian over 50” or “Yep, I signed the fucking contract and I’m already plotting my escape.”

WHOOPS. Ha.

"I'm in love with Tom Cruise" = "I'm a lesbian over 50” or “Yep, I signed the fucking contract and I’m already plotting my escape.”

‘We decided to take a year off and it was the best thing we ever did’

Face-lift Averted divorce Fat farm Rehab Settled with litigiousness house help Finished writing siblings out of estate

And that’s ‘taking off’ a year.

Apologies for Chardonnay formatting.

Apologies for Chardonnay formatting.

"I was shocked to hear about Harvey" = "My agent told me he's not important to my career anymore"

I stay a size zero by running after my kids." = "I fucking starve myself and over-exercise."

I'm working from home after Italian ski trip = Covid 19

It was a charitable donation = No college was going to take my loser kid without bribe

"Everyone makes mistakes and I know he's sorry for what he said and did and he has apologized to her and learned from the experience and is better for it" (etc.) = I stuck my hand up a strange woman's snatch in a bar, too, and wiped her mouth with it, and it looks like I have to settle with the bitch.

We were never friends = SJP was a bitch

"I was diagnosed with Lyme Disease" means:

"Now Dr. Feelgood will give me all the percocets I want, legally!".

They system is rigged = My attempts to rig the system aren't working = I am an orange psychopath criminal and wannabe tyrant = I am an idiot

I'm 500% behind him in this = I plan to shove him off a cliff in three days

“He is such an amazing director.” = “I made shitloads off that movie and he’s an asshole like the rest EXCEPT he didn’t rape me.”

"I look good for my age because of good genetics and taking proper care of myself" = "So what if I've had a few nips and tucks here and there?What business is it of yours?"

"I'm going into rehab for alcoholism" = "I'm guilty of sexual harassment, and I need to blame that behavior on something."

"I apologize to everyone I offended with my racist/sexist/homophobic comments" = "I'm a bigot and not the least bit ashamed of it"

My pussy stinks = I am in denial that there should be an emergency evacuation of every living thing within a quarter-mile radius of my pussy.

My country right or wrong = I am a fascist

We are consciously uncoupling and will remain friends = "She's a fucking psycho and I hate her rotten guts."

"If you're offended, then I apologize." = I'm not sorry I did that. But I'm sorry that you're so easily triggered.

"Hollywood is a sick town" = "I'm one of the reasons Hollywood is a sick town"

"Irina Shayk is having my baby" = "I desperately hope this will make me look heterosexual"

I love myself the way I am and am a proud, strong woman = I hate being fat

"I realized my calling wasn't just acting, so I started Goop" = "People have realized I can't act"

We are divorcing but will always remain friends = The beard contract expired and he's looking for my replacement

"I'm sick of this industry's bullshit! They knew and did nothing." = No one will hire me because I'm insane.

"Oh, you know, it's just an honor to be nominated. There's been some incredible work this year and it's humbling to be considered among it" = I better fucking win this shit

"Ignore the haters." = "I've lost sight of the community to whom I was once a pioneer."

"Everyone worked really hard on this picture and I hope the fans will enjoy it." = "This movie is a piece of shit and everybody involved knows it but we hope you'll pay to see it anyway so we don't lose money."

"No comment" = "My publicist is still thinking of what I should say"

The cast was just like family = I'll never see or speak to these people again after this show/movie wraps

"I love my new career as a lifestyle influencer" = "I'm only doing this shit because the acting roles dried up"

Tom Cruise was amazing to work with. Such a professional. Just a class act = I did the movie because nobody wants to work with Tom Cruise, I had to kiss his ass like everybody else. I had so many bombs my career is really riding on this movie.

"Ellen is the sweetest" = "I once saw Ellen knife a PA for forgetting a coffee stirrer"

I'm in recovery/sober =Im now a compliant legal substance addict because its prescribed by a Dr.

(Celebrity Adjacent) "I'm joining the RHWs= I'm ready to divorce and need a job and social media presence for relevance beyond my soon to be ex."

We've been happily married =I do what I want, they do what they want and we keep it quiet.

I'm leaving the role to challenge myself as an actor = fired or contract renewal demands not met.

"They've retired and no longer wish to be in the public eye" = "They're lucid for about 3hrs every seventh Tuesday"

"I go to these conventions because I love to meet the fans.." = "I'm not getting any work anymore and the bills aren't going to pay themselves. I might as well go and get $50 per autograph (and if you want me to pose for a picture with you it'll be another 50)."

Leaving due to creative differences = major asshole to work with

"I got where I am through hard work, dedication, and pure talent." = "I sucked the right dicks and let the right people fuck me and that's why I have a career."

"I think society places unreasonable expectations on women with regard to their bodies. I'm proud of my curves. I feel good about myself and that's all that matters" = "I tend to be fat, and I hate myself, but I can't stop eating and boozing. But soon I will do something drastic, reappear as unnaturally thin, and tell everyone it's because I'm following a healthy diet."

I love coming to these film festivals. I really believe in this movie that we made= I was forced to come here by the studio and my agency. Not only did I get a small paycheck because it's an independent movie but now I have to go promote it.

"The Senator did not throw a stapler at the staffer" = "She said she knew how to duck when I interviewed her"

"I got to where I am on my own. I had to audition and work just as hard as everyone else." = "I know I'm only here because of who I am related to. If I didn't have family in the industry, nobody would even waste their time on me."

Any gay celebrity

I died of..

they all died of AIDS and are covering it up

"I think it's wonderful that (younger, sexier) star has the freedom to celebrate their body and enjoy life." = They're a goddamn slut!

The designer is amazing, is clothes are works of art= I'm being paid to wear this s***.

The show is going in a different direct = every fired co-host of The View

^^^^direction

"Hospitalized for exhaustion" was the go-to excuse for years, until publicists realized that even your Great Aunt Edna in Bumfucke knew it was code for massive drug problems and nobody was being fooled. They finally wised up and stopped using it.

"We wanted to do it justice and, yeah, [the backlash is] gonna come no matter what. It's not an easy subject to talk about, but I'm very fortunate with how it's doing." = "My team wants me to be a mental health advocate, but I bit off more than I could chew"

"I have a sex addiction" = "I have sex with a lot of different people, seldom my spouse" or "I wasn't discrete enough about our open marriage"

"Marital Fraud" = "I found out he sucks better dick than me"

"I keep my weight down with careful diet and exercise" = "C-O-C-A-I-N-E"

I got mercury poisoning from eating too much sushi = I don't want to do this play

"Disney+ is for families" = "Disney+ is for heteronormative families"

"I have my career because all the hard work and dedication I put into it really paid off" = "I got on my knees and sucked more cock than a Bangkok whore."

I think we've all got wonderful careers ahead of us at the firm of Pat & Kathy, Image Consultants.

I need to amend R60

"Marital Fraud" = "I found out he sucks better dick than me, and he doesn't share"

Jennifer Aniston: I've had two surgeries for a deviated septum = 2 rhinoplasties

Renee Zellweger: I’m living a different, happy, more fulfilling life, and I’m thrilled that perhaps it shows = eyelid lift surgery

Kylie Jenner: My boobs look bigger because I wear a special Victoria's Secret bra = breast implants Kylie Jenner: My lips look bigger because I overline them with lip liner = injected lip fillers

"What's coming next? You'll have to wait and see." = "I have nothing on the horizon. My career hasn't exactly been lucrative lately."

"I'll never have plastic surgery, it scares me" = "I'm 90% plastic"

"No Tom, you don't look too old to play an action hero" = "I'm Tom's yes man, I get paid to blow smoke up his ass"

"I'm happy to be a part of Big Little Lies Season 2" = "Why am I on television? Dunce Kidman forgot to cash her favor before her career went south. The things I do for friends..."

According to Tab Hunter Confidential, for a while a young up and comer being outed = "Somebody else found out about Mr. Hudson"

I’ve been blacklisted by Hollywood for supporting Trump (even though I barely had a career before Trump—and now I don’t have any career because I’m a confirmed POS brain-dead asshole with no talent)

I'm dating in Europe.

I like to keep my relationships private.

I'm dating in Europe.

I like to keep my relationships private.

"I needed to take some time off" = "I had a complete plastic surgery overhaul and needed ample time to recuperate."

"Fatherhood has made me so much more responsible and less selfish" - I'm banging the nanny

"I left the project because of creative differences." = "After a lot of screaming, I got canned."

"We had creative differences, so I left the project" = "I was such an unstable, raging asshole everybody else on the project wanted to kill me and I was forced out."

You can’t be conservative in Hollywood these days

I’m an abrasive asshole on Twitter and bring all kinds of negative press to my project which is annoying af to fellow cast members.

Our group of actresses is like a family. We love each other and we love out dye-rector (enter female name here). I have never worked in such a harmonious environment. = We're really not friends but co-workers and there are tensions among us because we're women and we can't keep our mouths shut. Personally I think men directors are easier to control because they become putty in my fingers.

one thing about hospitalizations - yes, often the result of a drug overdose. But if you're a celebrity who is on tour or working on a movie and legitimately sick, pretty sure you have to be hospitalized for the insurance to cover the loss / refunded tickets / filming delay, etc.

"She's a total professional" always means "she's a raging cunt."

I'm working on a project overseas for a few months = escorting

On being caught up in a scandal - "I've disappointed myself" = "I'm disappointed with myself that I got caught"

"I'm not gay. I really, really like women. That's all I can say about that."

= "I miss Kevin."

"La La Land" = "Moonlight"

"Than you, Hollywood Foreign Press Association" = "It worked. It fucking worked!"

"We're going ro build a wall and make Mexico pay for it!" = We're going to put up an orange plastic fence and your grandchildren's grandchildren will pay it off.

"I'm blacklisted because I'm a Republican" = "I don't get work anymore because I'm too old to be hot now and never had any talent anyway"

"I'm coming out as queer" = "It's not that I'm gay, it's that I like attention"

More like "I'm gay but not ready to come out all the way"

I’m not interested in men and have never been with a man but don’t rule out being with one in the future.

Translation: I am 100% heterosexual—but have a shitty movie or album coming out—and can use all the help I can get—so I’m gaybaiting thirsty queens with vague statements about being heteroflexible.

“Marriage is work. Terrible, soul crushing work”= Jennifer Garner beats me

"I don't think, as an actor, I should be limited to characters that match my own sexuality or gender identity" = "I'm able to get any role I want, why should I care others still can't?"

When I was starting out and hungry. I would allow men on Santa Monica Boulevard to buy me a sandwich.

I used to suck dick for money.

I support religious freedom.

I'm a Scientology robot.

Similar to R95

"When I was starting out, a rented a spare room from an industry friend" = "When I was starting out, I was a live-in houseboy for someone more successful"

"The network didn't promote the program enough" ===== The writing was terrible and the cast couldn't act.

"The film was visually stunning" =============== There was no plot.

"Its not easy being a mom and having a career as an actress." - I have three nannies and six maids and I see my children 2 hours a week.

[quote]“I had a friend come pick me up late at night — we were looking for a place downtown to get a bite and catch up,” he told the magazine. “We were having trouble finding somewhere — a lot of places were closed — and the car ran out of gas off the 110. It was ridiculous. We had to pull over, and I called Uber.”

= Me and a trick went to skid row looking to score some tina and got our asses beat by a dealer.

I care what celebrities say and do!

"Yay, so excited we're renewed for Season 5!" = "No, I can't defend this writing for another year!"

"I'm very passionate about fashion. I find it empowering." = I'm a prissy little attention whore willing to do anything on the red carpet so long as it gets me the attention I crave so desperately.

I lost a ton of weight eating delicious NutriSystem food = celeb with personal trainer and private chef and who has under gone liposuction and/or tummy tuck procedures.

"It was an honor just being nominated." = "I'm sticking pins in a voodoo doll of the bitch who stole my Oscar."

"I've been with the cast and crew of my TV series for six seasons, and I'm so thankful. They totally knew where I was coming from and have my back." = I'm a movie star now. The cast and crew of my stupid TV show WILL DEAL with my cuntiness.

(UK cliché) Tired and emotional=drunk

"I've been blessed to be a part of the show, but I don't there's anywhere else to go with my character so I'm leaving." = "It's an ensemble cast, but my ego is so huge I think I'm the sole star and everybody else is a supporting player. They finally got sick of my ego and my demands and told me to fuck off."

We had so much fun making this picture!

"You know I was a little disappointed I didn't get nominated." = I trashed a hotel room, beat up my boyfriend, and ripped my personal assistant's hair out.

I signed a contract to lose weight as part of my character’s storyline. However, now there's no goal weight or deadline I’m obligated to achieve. "We have a general long-term plan that we’ve all talked about, and we will adjust the plan as needed."

Translation: The show is a hit and I’m too popular so no one is going to hold me to that contract now. And even if they did, I’d be a PR nightmare that would rain down hell from fat fraus everywhere for fat shaming me.

So please go away—I’m busy gaining another 100 lbs.

"Crack is wack!" = I love crack!

"I had so much fun working with Tom Cruise" = "He spent the whole time trying to convert me to Scientology and he wanted me to audition to be his next girlfriend"

I don't have an eating disorder. I eat constantly but for some reason I don't put on weight = I vomit and do lots of coke.

Agree, R115. Honesty would be refreshing, like when Patsy Stone admitted she hasn't eaten since 1973. I think there's also a ton of cigarette smoking going on.

I haven't found a script that I can get excited over = the studios won't pay my $20 million dollar fee.

"The producers of Chicago are cheap!" = "I'm important, damnit!"

R11 5 and R116 I automatically like an actress who admits that she works hard to maintain her weight.

"The producers of Chicago are cheap!"= I’m cheap, have no self-awareness and can scream loudly any time I am displeased.

“We have consciously uncoupled” = “We are splitting up before one of us murders the other.”

“It’s an honor just to be nominated” = “I’ll cut the bitch who wins the award over me.”

“We have consciously uncoupled” = I fucked his agent because he had cheated on me. He'll never see his children again.

Working in the theatre is my true passion = I am too ugly for movies

He is a great star of action movies = he can't act but he can run and fight

R116 what JLaw is describing sounds disgusting.

“Turbulent Brilliance” = coked out tramp farted at me

no one can sing a song like her = she can't sing

she's an original = she's washed up

movies are forever = I can't take the repetition of theatre

I lost the baby weight in 3 weeks due to hard work and discipline = I had plastic surgery while I was still under from the caesar, then went straight back to the cocaine and the personal trainer as soon as I regained consciousness. I am also wearing whalebone stays. The actual baby's round here somewhere.

TV offers more interesting roles for women = my movie career has tanked

"Maybe I am a little more feminine." = John Mayer is rawdogging me on a regular basis.

“From day 1, Justin Timberlake has been a huge inspiration for me.” = I'm a raging homo from way back.

“I haven’t really found the right person. That sounds like an older person thing to say, but I’m too busy and – not in a bad way – don’t want to waste my time.” = I only present hole to men.

“I’d say the best scents are ones that don’t overtake a room. I love things that remind me of the outdoors and home.” = The smell of cum drives me wild.

“I believe vitamin C can fix everything.” = I'm happiest when there's a cock in my mouth.

“First of all, I’m not gay. Second of all, it shouldn’t make a difference if I was or if I wasn’t.” = I am totally, completely 100% homosexual but I must remain closeted to make money.

“Being a sex symbol isn’t cool unless you’re in love with a girl, and she calls you a sex symbol.” = I'm utterly miserable bearding with this hairy little Latino girl but if I don't maintain the facade no one will buy my records and concert tickets.

“I love Milan, and I’m not just saying that. It’s a city that gives me a great sense of euphoria. I can’t explain why, but I feel a special energy there.” = I LOVE swarthy Italians and their thick, uncut cocks!

Let us know when you’re done beating that dead horse with your witless humor.

"I love Australia; it was a really, really nice experience for me." = the Stenmark twins used me as their personal cum dump every time I'm Down Under.

"I have dyslexia which was never diagnosed" = "I need to make up a good reason to explain why I'm dumb as a rock."

I studied architecture, speak five languages, and I am a model = embellished resume of a high class call girl.

“We‘re very happy; our marriage is thriving” = They’re filing for divorce.

“We‘re very happy; our marriage is thriving” = They’re filing for divorce.

"Let me tell you the secrets of how we remain happily married after 20 years" = "Our marriage is a business arrangement that suits us"

Confirmed bachelor superstar gets married = Rumors about him taking dick are getting too close to home

^^^^Rosemary's nephew?

^^^^ Hmmm. Draw your own conclusions.

"[Bachelor Action Star] has become a father, he and the mother wish to keep their relationship private."

=

"He's gay and hired a surrogate and a nanny."

I have a new project but I can't talk about it = I have no new project.

My personal assistant is my roommate. We're best buds and we do everything together = He's my boyfriend

"I was molested." = I'll say *anything* to get press.

Yep, I’m Bi! translation I can recognize someone of the sex is good looking and I need attention —but I would never actually be into homosex irl

I hate the paparazzi, just because I'm a actor doesn't mean they can invade my life: I'll go to every Hollywood party, live in Hollywood and go to every red carpet I can.

"I'm coming out as QUEER"

=

"I'm strictly heterosexual and gender-conforming, but Ill say anything that might make me look edgy and cool."

"I had no idea anything like that was happening. I am completely shocked, disappointed, disgusted, and saddened to hear of this." = "Yeah, I knew he was a pervert and a creep. But I wasn't about to sacrifice my career by trying to do anything about it. At least it was them and not me."

"I feel humbled by this award" = "Nya nya nya nya nya"

I can't find the words to describe the experience of making this film = I signed a non-disclosure agreement.

Three weeks before we start shooting I tell the director he should hire Jessica Lange = Jessica Lange was cast and dropped out.

I'd like to thank the members of the Academy... = Fuck you, bitches. It's MINE!

"I went to rehab for alcohol" = "I went to rehab for every drug known to humanity."

This one was really told.

R157, that only applies to the women. Guys who come out as "queer" are just gay and in denial

I don’t believe in labels - I don’t want to answer honestly and piss off Tumblr tranny twats and have my career ruined with candle culture

*cancel culture

It is just an honor to be nominated = FUCK THAT BITCH WHO WON I WAS SO MUCH BETTER>

Creative Differences = I don't want to follow the script and I want to spend 50 million more.

R166 lol candle culture should be a thing.

I love to improvise = I can't remember lines.

I’m taking a year off to fight political corruption = Harvey has been exiled and I have no career without him.

I won’t take any more gay roles = I just swept all the awards for Gianni Versace and I don’t want anything to get in the way of me becoming a star.

“Oh Timothee is so talented and good looking” = He’s really not but I’m being paid to say this. All apart of the phoniness and Hollywood sheep mentality.

My wife and have decided to divorce but we remain good friends "she caught me fucking the pool boy"

"This was my dream project (year long filming commitment in Where the Fuck locales). Working with (director/actor at first mind shattering sex devolved to having to go through a third party and hand jobs through glory holes) is something I'll always, always cherish (along with HPV, Herpes and who knows what else).

After a quiet moment or two of reflection (phone calls from spouse saying they have photos/videos of such 'work' and after an initial consult with the law firm Princess Diana's used during her divorce from Jug Ears can clean out the total £700 I possess in stocks, capital, art. Even the house on Lake Chad. That Nigerian real estate agent was hawt!) & (director/actor breaking up with me in an incandescently puerile scene in front of major industry shill at a party to promote this piece of crap movie), I am taking a year off away from the busy (I must admit, the pharmaceuticals were out of this world high quality & terms of payment the easiest) spotlight to spend with my children (I can't even remember their names) and my spouse (who has told me he doesn't have plans to interact with me).

Living my best life, Toothy McFish-Stick Hampstead NW_

R170 candle culture is a thing! LOL

R177 I forgot about that video 😄

I’m a gay man and I decided to live my life with honesty and openness. (An unemployed, aging Hollywood star. His career, as a leading man, tanked.)

I’m going back to Broadway and pursue my craft in live theater. (Faded Hollywood star, no acting offers in the past year.)

I'm not in a rush to marry A-Rod = Never going to happen.

I've dated all kinds of people. I see people as people.

I don't talk about my personal life = I'm gay

I'm not a racist or sexist = I am a racist or sexist

I am "saddened" by the child labor being used to pick the coffee beans for the product I shill = I will lay low and do nothing until this blows over and then I'll go back to preaching and pontificating about other world issues that don't even involve me to make myself look important.

I didn't know about Harvey Weinstein = I knew all about Harvey Weinstein.

We're all in this ordeal together. We're all singing Imagine to bring us together. - I'm saying this from my million dollar mansion. We're laid off too, but we have millions unlike you regular people. Be sure to see our movies when they finally come out.

I’m Reese Witherspoon and I started Hello Sunshine to bring women’s stories to the front = I needed to become a 24/7 SJW/Liberal Feminist in order to repair my image after my DWI

I'm not a political person = I'm a closeted Trump supporter.

I started a production company to bring new faces and voices = I’m getting no job offers so I have to get work somehow.

I’m a perfectionist! = (Male) I’m an asshole (Female) I’m a bitch.

I’m bipolar = I do every drug imaginable and then I crash

I changed my name/auditioned anonymously because I don’t want to ride on my celebrity relative’s coat tails, will make it on MY own merits = Still breezed into the private audition thanks to Daddy’s connections and knew everyone there since I was a toddler thanks to Mommy’s pool parties.

"I have Lyme disease" = "I'm a drug addict"

R180 “So! You come crawlin’ back to Broadway... Well Broadway doesn’t Go for BOOZE and DOPE!”

These days, it's:

"I've tested positive for coronavirus but I'm doing fine"

=

"I'M GOING STIR CRAZY SOMEBODY PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I’m juggling several projects and offers = I got nothing going on

We are saddened by his sudden passing of

Encephalitis, pneumonia, CMV = AIDS

Heart failure = Drugs

Natural causes = Self-induced asphyxia or other sex games

Peacefully in his sleep = suicide by hanging, carbon monoxide or pills

And the family wishes to ask for privacy so they can mourn the loss and process the grief = please don’t ask any compromising questions.

I have an IQ of 148 and am a member of Mensa = I am dumber than a box of rocks

I don't care about things like chart positions/box office. Creating good art is what's important to me. = I care very much. Fuck all of you for letting this project flop. I deserve it more than they do. It's not fair!

I want to work on great projects and challenge myself as an actor = I'm in it for the money and fame.

I love developing my own material = I'm an actress over 40 and I have to start producing and financing my own projects.

This award means so much to me = I’d like to thank the studio for buying this award for me.

R188, she was always a feminist.

I’m tired of being single and all that goes with it — I got an incurable STD

My duets album gives me the chance to work with people I have long admired = My voice is shot so I have to rely upon the power of other singers.

I like to stay connected to the music scene - I use the artist of the moment in an attempt to stay.relevant by doing a song with them.

We are all in this together and be safe- I'm pissed my movie has been delayed. I'm stuck in my mansion with nothing to do.

R208 I'm wondering how many of them don't give a fuck and are making their assistants do unnecessary shit.

Probably lots of them r209.

“Fake news” = 99% accurate news.

"20% of all profits in April are going to the wonderful xyz charity du jour." (There will be no profits this month.)

"We are all in this together."

Translation:

This quarantine is depriving me of constant ego stroking and I need to draw attention to myself. Watch me dance!

"Stay at home. The more seriously we take social distancing the sooner we can get past this." = "I'm supposed to be going on tour this summer so this shit had better be over by then or I'm gonna be pissed."

"I'm staying home because each and every one of us plays a role in slowing the spread" = "I'm lying through my veneers and hopping on a jet with my family to New Jersey for Passover. I don't actually give a shit at all."

My daughter is in rehab for anxiety issues = eating disorder

"I'd like to talk about ethnicity" = I am a complete failure at everything I have ever tried; my only solace is to try to deflect attention away from me onto others.

Oops! That's not a celebrity (outside of the DL.)

I just wanted to check in with everybody. Look at my YouTube page = I have a huge ego and can’t live without my daily attention. That’s why I post a video everyday.

-Reese Witherspoon

I didn’t get a part because of racism and/or sexism = I don’t have any level of talent and/or I’m a pain in the ass.

I really enjoy playing quirky roles = I'm ugly as sin and only get jobs because of nepotism.

"I haven't met the right person" = "Gay I am, gay I will always be."

(That was in Soap Opera Digest circa 1997).

I hate the paparazzi = I have a contract with Backgrid to pap me on my morning jog.

"there is a darkside to fame" I fuck homeless people.

"She's a consummate professional" = "She's a total cunt and nobody can stand her."

"Anyone who wants a test can get one" I deliberately slowed coronavirus testing because a high number positive test results would make me look bad. So I'm indiscriminately killing thousands while I blame everyone else so I can get re-"elected".

I read literally one of the worst scripts ever = It was the only script that was offered to me or it was the only one my production company could find.

the script really spoke to me = I fucked Harvey Weinstein for the role.

A source has told the Daily Mail = The publicist has paid the Daily Mail to write a story (fake or not) for their client.

It's an honor to just be nominated - if I don't fucking win I will murder my housekeeper.

My personal life is my personal = I’m gay

My personal life is personal = I’m gay

"I was being sarcastic when I said all those stupid things" = "I meant what I said"

I prefer dating European women....GAY.

We believe in the 1st Amendment = Celebrity PR teams will delete any negative comment on the Daily Mail because their narcissistic clients can’t take an ounce of criticism.

Diversity = code word for no white males.

The goal is to work with great directors and tell great stories = the goal is to become rich and famous.

R235, most movie and TV leads are white men. Stop being a butthurt conservative

[quote] It was a story that needed to be told.

I owed money to the IRS and was about to be jailed if I didn't pay off part of it.

[quote] I ask that you please respect our privacy at this time as we work through this as a family.

I'll be back to posting Photoshopped pics and inane / insipid "news" after the current debacle clears up, even slightly.

[quote] I was tired of the paparazzi. I moved to _____ and I love it here.

Prostitution is legal here and I can operate without fear of being arrested.

She's so talented, beautiful, and nice = This is a fake, positive comment written by a publicist for a client in a Daily Mail article.

"Prostitution is legal here and I can operate without fear of being arrested."

Or, for the pervs: The age of consent is lower here, so I can have sex with 14-year-olds and get away with it!

"Don't listen to the critics!"

=

"I am contractually obligated to promote this film, and my career will suffer if I don't go on all the talk shoes and lie like a rug."

I love producing = It's the only way I get to act since nobody is offering me roles anymore.

I never had an inappropriate relationship with Harvey = I blew him, screwed him, and gave him a massage three ways until Sunday for this role.

I want an inclusion rider = I don't want or don't like white men.

r246 is a Trump voter who thinks white men are the victims. Meanwhile, white men are running Hollywood

We're quarantining separately = Our "romance" is a sham

Yes R248. Britney Spears: we are quarantining separately since I got back from Louisiana. Sam the hot "boyfriend": I finally got 2 weeks away from this stinky, crazy bitch.

We fell in love on the set = we signed our PR relationship contract on the set.

He/she has worked as a character actor = he/she is too ugly for leading roles.