Could you be with someone who occasionally does cocaine?

No, but in my case, it's primarily because I already struggle to remain sober. Not everyone has my problem, of course.

Never understood the appeal of that substance.

OP, does he act like an asshole when he does it? Coke tends to do that to a lot of people.

Yes for a casual relationship but mind your wallet. I've never been fervently anti drug, although I don't use any myself.

Yes but he’s fine in the morning or the afternoon he wakes up @R3

I wouldn't dream of it. It's daily heroin or GTFO!

No, it's a sign of weakness. Reality is either not enough for him or he runs away from it. Real men can have fun without fogging their minds.

An addict is always an addict, same as a whore is always a whore. Nothing good comes out of shagging with those people.

No, never. An edible once a year, ok. But consistent daily/weekly drug use...never again. My ex was/is an addict and they always lie. Drugs are more important to them than you are. Seriously, get out now.

I once dated somebody who had a terrible coke problem which turned into an even worse crack problem. I left. The mood swings, the power hungry control that comes over them, the incoherent blabbering ..no thanks. I'd rather sit next to a heroin addict bc at least after they boot up they stfu.

Coke isn't a good drug. I would only date someone with good taste in drugs.

[quote] Reality is either not enough for him or he runs away from it.

Our notion of what 'reality' is has been mostly theorized about by drugs users. Hate to break this to you.

If it turns him into a dick and he keeps doing it, no. That's asshole behaviour.

I wouldn't have a problem OP. Humans have used mind altering substances for time immemorial, but I would make sure it's just a once a week thing.

Once a week is too frequent and impossible to maintain for coke. That's never how it happens and that's doing serious damage to your body over time. If that's the rate he's using it'll soon be an every day thing and may be already without your knowledge, OP. It's a very addictive substance and there's no "safe" method of ingestion. He's going to destroy his nose and be left a depressive, easily agitated mess before eventually going all in with it or needing a different fix.

The real question is: Does he share?

In a relationship? Every weekend? Nah. A fuck buddy? sure.

Depends, is it every weekend or the occasional weekend? The former, no. The latter, yes. It would be a bit weird though if he’s doing it in front of you and you aren’t partaking.

Nope!

No, weed occasionally, nothing stronger.

[Quote] Our notion of what 'reality' is has been mostly theorized about by drugs users. Hate to break this to you.

Citation needed, R12.

Besides, what is this even supposed to mean? That some philosophers or scientists fell short concerning their mental discipline? Sure, some did, and I consider them weak for it.

The Buddha, for instance, did not need intoxicating substances in order to gain his profound insights. He and all his disciples faced their mental and physical phenomena as they came and tried to get rid of biased perceptions and mental projections. They learned to deal with every mind-moment with clarity, content, and grace.

*contentment

No. Dangerous and slippery slope. Only weed and occasional mushrooms/micro-dosing. It’s also cut with stuff that it was not in the 80’s. I’ve seen normal people lose everything and it all started with the occasional line.

Nope. Been there, done that, never again.

If it was somebody who mattered to me, no. I've always thought there was something weak about regular drug use. Like, if you can't just enjoy what's going on around you without enhancing it, find out why. Again this is regular drug use not the occasional laugh.

R21 So....... pretty much anyone who has had a significant impact on western thought beginning with Plato has been on drugs.

It's refreshing to see someone recall BUDDHA as part of their anti-drugs spiel though. You're more likely to find him on a blotter sheet than in a D.A.R.E manual. Buddhist thought is not what our current understanding of reality is modeled after. But if you think eating cow shit, milk and semen will bring you closer to an understanding of the universe then by all means. I think you're going to extreme and even counterintuitive lengths to defend your bias though.

I have it on good authority that an overdose of Reefer is what put Stephen Hawking in that wheelchair, also, so...

What amazes me is that Plato could get high, think those thoughts, and remember it when he sobered up. And I wonder what Plato ate for the munchies? Because they didn't have potato chips back then.

Only if he dies booty bumps. Can’t stand coked up noses.

OP/R5 - so he DOES act like an asshole when he does it? Well, enough said. Why would you excuse someone to act like an asshole - ever??

I think it's a fun little addition to a weekend night out. It used to give me an added jolt when the drinks were starting to set in. It also allowed the night to go on a bit longer. It also made me VERY, very horny. I never felt the need to have it outside of that environment. I still don't understand how people can function at work after drinking or using any drug. I won't take a Benadryl because it makes me feel wonky. I say you're fine OP but keep an eye on it.

[quote] the incoherent blabbering ..no thank

This. The 100 miles a minute thought processes is interesting only to people on coke. I had to ask a friend to leave a party when he was being an obnoxious asshole on coke.

No. It would be a deal-breaker. I've already had enough experience with a user of a different sort in a previous relationship, only his god was alcohol.

Sure.

It's so strange how different people view cocaine use. When I was in high school the drug of choice was weed. Several other friends would tell me it was cocaine at their schools. I never thought of cocaine as an evil, taboo thing. They're just basic recreational drugs as far as I'm concerned. If you're snorting up an eight ball in two days, you have a problem. If you smoke pot from the moment you wake until you go to bed at night, you have a problem.

Every so often, on special occasions, not to excess - not awesome but not a big deal. I dated a guy who did and he had a professional job and there wasn't any (obvious) downsides.

EVERY week is a habit. Avoid.

OP? Gurl?!?!

I dated a great guy who occasionally did coke. It turned out to be a manifestation of bigger issues that he was either struggling with or in deniable about. He only appeared to have his shit together but when you scratched the surface, you learned that he was a mess and was spiraling down. I would smoke pot with him but I hated being with him when he was on coke and then, of course, he started to lie about the amount of coke he did and when he did it.

Now that I'm no longer young and dumb, I wouldn't want to seriously be with someone who does coke or anything beyond an occasional joint.

An occasional line here and there during a night out is fine ,but weekly is the beginning of a slippery slope . I used to deal coke way back in the 80s and I cant tell you the number of people who started out once a week showing up at my door to once an hour . Yet I was able to do scads of it ,and when the whole thing ended I was able to walk away with no withdrawals and can still do a line occasionally . Cigs on the other hand...

No.

You can do whatever you want but realize this person is most likely lying to you about "occassionally" using cocaine. I have been around a lot of cokeheads.. they a start out "occassional " users but this is a highly addictive drug people use to mask deeper issues. It is illegal to buy/sell and dangerous to use.

Even if this person is being honest (highly unlikley) about occassional use, they won't remain a casual user for long. Coke is highly addictive, financially draining and it never ends well.

I'd say get out now. Keep in mind this person will probably lie to you and say they stopped using and in a few months they will let you "catch them" by that point, you are more invested and more likely to overlook it and/or "forgive them" and hang in there. Expect heartache and mental anguish along with risk to your safety and finances.

If you choose to be with this person, realize you are choosing it and everything that comes with it and know you can always leave no matter how codependent you become and how dependent this person becomes on you.

Shorter answer: He's lying, there is no such thing as an "occassional" coke user. Just an addict in training. Don't believe anything a drug user says. If they say the sky is blue, look up. Addicts lie and use you and do not care about you, though they think they do.

GET OUT

[quote] has all his shit together but likes to do a line or three on a Friday or Saturday night

How ridiculous you sound. You sound like an apologist and and enabler. If he's doing coke, he does NOT have "all his shit together".

$$$$$

As long as he doesn't stink and his dick stays hard, for a FB but not long term. It's his body not mine.

Sure. I love folks who get high on the corpses of slaughtered, poor brown people. I mean, they don't live in OUR neighborhood.

As R43 says, it’s an expensive habit, so I wouldn’t want to be with someone who likes to “blow” their money. Also they would probably start doing even more during a rough period in their life and before you know it they’re addicted bad or doing even harder stuff.

Hard enough to deal with alcoholics. I wouldn't want the drama and co$t of coke.

I never met a heavy coke user who described themselves accurately, always understating their using. Occasional means on every occasion. YOU CANNOT TRUST A SINGLE WORD AN ADDICT SAYS

I had a phase of weekend partying which included cocaine. I got sick of it and walked away. Finances, emotions, relationships intact.

Weed on the other hand, is nightly. Still have a good life.

I did some marijuana, coke, and molly in my 20s. Then I grew the fuck up.

R41. Mostly Bullshit. People can do coke randomly without addiction playing a part. A coke addict is a very easy thing to spot.

Halshton was one of my best friends!

[quote] People can do coke randomly without addiction playing a part. A coke addict is a very easy thing to spot.

Theoretically true, but past a certain age, people who do coke "randomly" are on course for trouble. Having lived through the coke riddled 80s, I can't tell you how many people started off doing coke "just before a meeting" or "just at parties" or "just to get up for a show" whatever. The people who got in the habit of using coke as a performance enhancer almost to a one, became strung out coke heads. Likewise, people who did coke to belong or reduce social anxiety, very high percentage developed a dependency cum addiction.

Op, how old is this dreamboat that uses coke occasionally? Past the late 20s, there is very little hope there. The lack of judgement and the lack of awareness of consequences, are red flags. There are really serious health consequences of doing coke habitually. If it doesn't kill you it diminishes you on a physical level and rapidly and exponentially after age 30

Some people do coke once or twice..but it becomes a regular habit, then addiction, you as the codependent are in for a world of hurt. OP, do you have a history of addiction or addiction in your family? If so, don't get involved with people who are using. No judgement, they aren't bad people, but they will cause you great damage. I Will reiterate that addicts or people who are dependent rarely accurately report how much they use and often lie about to

Addicts will also groom you to accept behavior you directly tell them is a deal breaker,. They will tell you whatever you want to hear and test you by violating your boundaries until you are invested in them and are willing to compromise.

Yes, people do coke recreationally and other drugs. I am one of those people, but I tried it twice out of curiosity and that was enough. I have many acquaintances who weren't so lucky.

You must have misgivings or you wouldn't have posted this, listen to that voice that is telling you to be cautious.

Yes. Do you have any?

[quote] People can do coke randomly without addiction playing a part

Weekly is not randomly.

NOPE. Never. Waaaay over that scene. Not into it at all, whatsoever.

Coke certainly helped Stephen King crank out his most popular and iconic works... Nothing he has ever written post-coke seemed as memorable.

R53. I don’t have misgivings about friends who do random coke. What a silly presumption. Your hang up is only yours. The question wasn’t about addiction. It was about random use. It happens & none of my friends have become addicted. End of .

r58, are you the OP. I directed my post to the OP

R59 No. not OP & I get it now— it was aimed at Op Then why did you reply to me?

Well, I quoted you in response to the OP. I guess that is what led to the confusion, if you're skimming and reacting based on that. I addressed the OP directly 2 times in that post, indicating the post was, in fact directed to the OP

[quote] Op, how old is this dreamboat that uses coke occasionally?

And

[quote] OP, do you have a history of addiction or addiction in your family?

If it's every week then it's too much mainly because that can easily lead to a stronger habit if he goes through a period of stress. Also consider that maybe he'll be fine to be with for a few years but his reaction to it may change over time causing more issues. Also agree with the other replies saying that it's most likely masking a deeper issue and he probably is less put together than he seems.

I know plenty who do. I have no problem. But agree weekly becomes an issue. Bimonthly fine.

On a slightly related note, the Inca knew what they were doing with coca leaves, chewing on the leaves for its medicinal, stimulating, and slightly euphoric properties. I somehow doubt they ever envisioned it would become one of the world's most popular party narcotics though, lol.

Overrated.

[quote]No, it's a sign of weakness. Reality is either not enough for him or he runs away from it.

Agreed. People who do drugs are weaklings unable to deal with life on life's terms. That includes potheads. No one who does coke has their shit together. The only people who have their shit together are those who don't require a chemical crutch.

under thirty, maybe. . .

over thirty, no way

Trump doesn’t do drugs. Case closed.

Op here. He’s about 35. Yes addiction runs in my family. I think im going to hit pause right now

R66 Join the Mormon faith. To them, you're tainted and polluted for the cup of Joe you need to get going in the morning or the poppers needed to unclench your sphincter.

No, because it almost always inevitably becomes a problem. I don't know anyone who has ever just "occasionally" done cocaine in the longterm. It is one of the most insidious drugs out there, but for some reason people still seem to approach it as though it's harmless. My brother started out "occasionally" doing coke when he would go out with his friends, and it spiraled into an addiction that he is still dealing with years later.

The most ridiculous part about it to me is that most people use it in tandem with alcohol to lessen the effects of drinking; they do a bump to sober up from the liquor, but then drink more because they feel too sober. It becomes a never-ending seesaw of liquor and yayo that you can't really get off of. I grew up with a congenital heart condition and had to have open-heart surgery in my 20s, so I've never done it—it was always way too risky for me, and I didn't really have any interest in it anyway.

R70 = drugged-out weakling mess.

Yes...recreational drug use is fine with me.

It makes anyone who takes it an insufferable arsehole, every time. You deserve better.

I love the assholes on this board. "I once dated a drug addict and drugs is all they care about. Get out now!" --- From a guy who probably put up with months or years of drug addict behavior. Possibly while financially supporting the addict. I'm assuming the addict was hot because most people would get the fuck out of the relationship at the first (or at worst, second) incident where drugs became an issue. The same guy says "an edible once per year is one thing...." Wondering if this guy has a bottle of wine cracked open next to him. Imagine saying to someone "you drink wine every week? Two nights per week? Have you looked into rehab?"

That said, coke once per week is problematic only because of what goes on with it and how use can quickly escalate. I'm guessing this guy probably also wants to go out to bars on a friday or saturday night. How would he react if you suggested just hanging out at home? That's one measure of how much of a problem or just how social/drug centric he is. If he can't be satisfied staying in when he knows his buddies are out having fun (And coke) then he's not ready to date. The drug (and the socializing) is his social life. Also, age is a factor. As is history. Has he been doing coke for 20 years or just over the past few months? When assessing this stuff, its always important to ask the questions in a neutral way without judgement. And if you see its a problem, just get out. you can't help him. his family or friends will when he's ready.

Yes. You are speaking about me. And I have been married for 7 years. Have a full time corporate job. And do a night of cocaine usage once a quarter.

Peck away DL’ers - you vapid holier than thou cunts

So defensive, R76.

You know what you're doing is stupid as fuck, but you're too weak to stop yourself.

Doing coke strips the mucus membranes and would make him much more likely to get Corona’d. So hard pass. You’ll thank me later.

No. Absolutely not.

R77 lol he’s not being defensive. You are being frauish. Be careful not to clutch your pearls so tight that you strangle yourself.

[quote]People who do drugs are weaklings unable to deal with life on life's terms. That includes potheads.

Interesting. I used to be friends with a girl (now a woman) who at home at night smoked pot constantly. It got weird. She sustained a mild buzz from the time she got home until the time she went to bed. There was nothing she could do without a toke or two. She gave it up when she married (a doctor) but within a few years had talked him into it and was back to getting stoned almost nightly. Our friendship ended in a spectacular fight over nothing a few years after that. I can't connect the two but her behaviour (anger, defensiveness, expectations of blind loyalty) got more and more intense year over year. I don't know if it was connected but she sure smoked a ton of pot. My impression was it was supposed to mellow you out, so maybe it was just a lunatic with a heavy pot habit... but again, somebody with a great job, a great house, lots of money but a daily user of pot. So I always wondered why do you want to spend so much time under the weight of that buzz?

[quote] [R41]. A coke addict is a very easy thing to spot.

A coke addict is a very easy thing to become and it usually happens gradualy as in "occassionly" and "randomly using it"

[quote] Op here. He’s about 35. Yes addiction runs in my family. I think im going to hit pause right now

Good idea OP. 35 is wayyy to old to fucking around with coke.

Be aware that when you pull back, he will probably try to manipulate you into a deeper relationship either through creating a crisis you feel obliged to dig him out of or by promising (or temporarily demostrating) that he has given up coke. He will use arguments like " what if I had a couple of glasses of wine or drinks a week" Faux logic based on the false premise that Alcohol and Coke are equally addictive and basically the "same" as what he is doing.

Don't get caught up in twisted logic or please or temporary demonstrations of "good behavior" They are all designed to get you back on board with his drug use. Definitely don't accept any gifts, money or favors from him because he will try to create a sense of indebtedness. Addicts con people by being clean for a while to get people to love and trust them, then when they relapse or start using, you are already invested and it's harder to leave. Get help understanding how having addiction in your family groomed you for being a mark for addicts. Good decision.

I would rather do ecstasy than cocaine any old day. Coke is expensive, overrated. It makes people qct like jerks too. At least E is a happy high.

If you are going to hit pause, don't mention the drugs. Why invoke that drama, esp if R83 is on to something. Just use Meghan Markle's line: it's not working for me. All those intangibles that add up to not working for me... not one thing... I just feel that we're not quite suited to each other.

No. Nor can I be with a man who regularly smokes pot.

Yeah if it is under control- a few bumps are no big deal.

Taking drugs that are UNVERIFIED (bought from some random street felon) and might have chemical dishwasher powder or even powdered glass/plastic in them - is a sign of recklessness and idiocy.

Would you date someone who regularly eats uncertified food (from some black market felon, which has a higher risk of salmonella and E.coli)? If no - then why would you date someone who inhales an unknown product blindly (i.e. doesn’t even know what’s inside that shit).

If that guy dies after inhaling some unknown shit = Darwin’s law at its finest.

It's funny how the drug dealers seem to think that all gay guys do drugs, especially coke. Maybe that's part of their indoctrination. Now I don't touch drugs, never did, never will. However, my gym is full of these wannabe drug dealers and addicts with their baggies of "hand chalk." They're always circling me, many of them hot, strategically placing themselves in my line of vision, eye-fucking me, making sure I see their pecs peeking thru their scoobie tanks. Now I can flatter myself at 50 and delude myself into thinking that they're actually cruising me. But I know better.

I used to find it amusing. Now I find it sad. Tragic, actually, that so many of our youth are resorting to this corruption of mind, body, and spirit, because they lack the coping skills and intestinal fortitude to deal with the tumult of life. Or maybe they want to keep their weight down. I want to ask them: "Aren't you in school? What do you hope to be? What do you want to accomplish with your life? Don't you want to leave something behind other than your name on a tombstone?" We're all in chains, but how we function and how we make it thru depends upon choice. Has society decayed to such an extent rising up the hierarchy of the drug pyramid is the new Ivy league coronation? Or perhaps, that's one of the few places left where "real money" is being made. And if that's true, that's hell on earth.

Back in my late teens, when I was toying with experimenting, an elder gay who I will never forget, offered his proverbial pearls and admonished me. "You can choose life, or you can choose death. And that white powder is the latter." How right he was. And is.

A person does not have "all their shit together" if they use cocaine.

Okay everyone. Let's all say this together: "OP, you are an enabler!"

I'm fairly certain that OP doesn't know the definition of an enabler, or how to look up something on the Internet. Definition: An enabler is someone who helps negate the consequences brought on by someone else's behavior. Enablers are people who are in a relationship with someone suffering from an addiction; however, instead of helping the addicted person, they allow them to continue their behavior.

35 is about the age where cocaine use is appropriate. Making enough money to buy it. Too busy working to do it all the time. Want to be able to stay awake for a few drinks on Friday night. 45 is a different story. I would say mid-30s is when I knew the most stable people to do it. Not the “try anything” types who did it at 23. Had worked to develop a career. Used it responsibly on the occasional weekend. Something to be aware of - but if a boyfriend made an issue out of me doing it every few weeks at 35, I would likely consider them controlling and not someone who I would date long term.

Agree with R84. Molly is way more of a good time. When I dabbled with coke years ago, it just made me paranoid, hyper, gave me a gross chemical drip, and I couldn't sleep even though I wanted to.

All moot now because now I can't even smoke a simple joint because of work.

I think I might do a few lines tonight!

Responses from people who have never done coke are obvious. It is a stimulant. A bump or two on a Saturday night just turns the party. Any more than that is a problem. People can do drugs recreationally just as people can drink responsibly. Not everyone who drinks is an alcoholic not everyone who does drugs is a drug addict.

r76 A night of cocaine 4x per year sounds like a very responsible use of the drug. Being even more responsible would not be mixing coke and alcohol.

We now know that MDMA is ok for the brain once every 3 months. More than that you can get into trouble. A few times in a week and you can fuck up your brain big time.

I really look forward to a future where drugs are legalized and you know what you're getting and what dose you're getting. The drug war has done nothing but create violence in cities, unnecessary overdoses, damaged people's brains and hearts with dangerous additives, created a market of legal fake drugs (known as analogs) that are often just nasty chemicals that people use because they are legal but that have worse side effects than the real stuff.

Yes.

One of the benefits of being a blue collar gay who lives in a smaller town is I don’t know any working adult with enough money for a drug habit of any kind. The drugs are taken by teens, the unemployed and the rich. The drugs that come into our town are also very dangerous as they have god knows what in them. For a small town we get a couple of dead teens every year because they popped what they thought was ecstasy and it wasn’t (bosses only child passed this summer- took an e tablet that was laced with something at a concert) or drugs are laced with fentanyl. I’ve always wondered where the fancy city people go for their drugs. I guess they have them delivered these days or something. It’s hard for me to imagine (their equivalent of) the scummy gang bangers i know who deal here colliding with Google workers and WeHo hairdressers and stockbrokers!

Anyway I’m a total “Rose Nylund” when it comes to drugs. So much so that my first Grindr hookup was a total disaster as I had no idea what pnp or 🧊 meant and he was not happy when I showed up empty handed. Lol. The closest I’ve ever been to drug taking was watching those poor people who live in tents by the train line smoking (crac/meth/whatever) out the window as our train slowly rolled out of the station. I don’t think I could handle a partner who took hard drugs.

Isn’t there a point when the body cannot take class a drugs? Lily Tomlin was saying on WTF that an 80 year old simply cannot dabble in coke, the body is not going to take that kind of abuse at that age. Makes me wonder what people who feel the need every weekend or every month do to wean themselves out of that. Do they just age out of it or is it a struggle to quit. Maybe health issues pile up and take up so much headspace that there’s no room for a coke craving. I’ve known people who smoked for 50 years and eventually the mounting comorbidities like COPD, clogged arterties and their symptoms got so bad that they just had put their energies into choosing life and they finally successfully quit which is bittersweet. I wonder if recreational drug use is anything like that or if the person either gets over it somehow much earlier or succumbs to addiction. If it’s difficult to stop smoking and difficult for fat people to get over their dependancy on food as a crutch it’s hard to see how someone goes from “this is the best buzz there is/I need this to blow off steam every weekend/I enjoy this so much every few weeks/I will dump my liver if he tries to take this from me” to “I’m done with that”

no, because people on coke are assholes. whether they do a little or a lot.

R98 Grace Slick said the same on a recent podcast interview. I believe she’s also 80 now and she said that at a certain age you have to make that decision because the body won’t withstand even dabbling. She’s sober for many years and still goes to meetings. The “Acid Queen” is a fairly extreme example I know! As someone who is pretty much teetotal it’s something I’ve often pondered too. Something has to be the catalyst for a 40 year old recreational drug taker becoming a sober 60 year old. We have a big problem in our community with drugs. We lost 3 guys out of our group to meth, a fourth is still with us but lost everything and still relapses. I know lots of 30 somethings who are always taking something, even a Wednesday night movie requires them to pop adderall. I’ve yet to meet an elder gay who is still out there using recreationally. It would be interesting to see some data on what happens but I’m afraid it would be very depressing. I’m guessing it’s full blown addiction and death, addiction with recovery or the fun stops. And it’s the moment that the fun stops that the guys still justifying a weekly habit will have to face someday.

I'm an occasional pot smoker and I steer clear of cocaine users. I don't think it's hypocritical. Weed brings the best in people, they laugh and have a good time. Cocaine is the devil's powder, it brings the absolute worst in everyone.