Pineapple, six, squish, uh-uh, Cesarean, “Little Shit!”
...She had it comin', She had it comin'
She only had herself to blame
If you'd have been there, If you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same
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Pineapple, six, squish, uh-uh, Cesarean, “Little Shit!”
...She had it comin', She had it comin'
She only had herself to blame
If you'd have been there, If you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same
by Anonymous | reply 165 | December 24, 2020 2:03 AM |
I'm that dreamy Burke Ramsey.
by Anonymous | reply 1 | February 21, 2020 6:57 PM |
I'm the chorus line of 5-year-old "beauty queens" made up to look like whores that will keep this show running.
by Anonymous | reply 2 | February 21, 2020 7:34 PM |
The JonBenet case was so weird. If Burke hit his sister in the skull and killed her (the theory which has the most weight), even if on purpose, Patsy and John could have called the police and explained that it was just an accident. A tragic accident.
Instead they plotted an absurd ransom scenario with a two page note littered with Patsy’s word choices and writing style. They both destroyed their reputations, John lost his career and his millions. Was it worth it to lie?
by Anonymous | reply 3 | February 21, 2020 7:42 PM |
I'm the love duet between John and JonBenet sung in the basement just before Patsy's big entrance.
JOHN: "When you touched my soul, my cheeks became quite scarlet."
JONBENET: "When you touched my hole, I became a pint-size harlot!
by Anonymous | reply 4 | February 21, 2020 7:57 PM |
Right now, he's probably slow dancing at the Daddy-Daughter Dance
With that blond little tramp
And she's probably getting frisky
Right now, he's probably buying
Her some fruity little drink, like a Capri Sun
'Cause she not old enough to shoot whiskey
by Anonymous | reply 5 | February 21, 2020 8:20 PM |
Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas
by Anonymous | reply 6 | February 21, 2020 8:49 PM |
If A Girl Isn't Pretty Like Petite Miss Atlantic City
by Anonymous | reply 7 | February 21, 2020 8:52 PM |
i find it hard to mock.
that kid would have been a grown up bitch now if they hadn't done her in, and probably someone we would all love to hate. probably an intern to some rightwing political idiot, and horse fancier.
but she had a right to be so, all the same.
by Anonymous | reply 9 | February 21, 2020 9:02 PM |
R9 she could be in Hope Hicks’ kneepads now.
by Anonymous | reply 10 | February 21, 2020 9:04 PM |
R9, if you cannot be bothered to use correct English and capitalize your fart-speak sentences, kindly stop pontificating like you're a cross between e.e. cummings and Mother Mary le Twatte.
We shall see that you are removed, if you don't quit your little "precious me" confabulation of the language. "i" alone should have you sentenced to picking the last threads of rotten sinew off the crumbling bones of Our Little Angel.
by Anonymous | reply 11 | February 21, 2020 9:07 PM |
I'll kill my own child
And I'll hide it so
My corpse will not be
Just one in row
My corpse will offer clues
When cops come to call
If you have questions
I will evade them all
Come tomorrow you'll that you'll see is JB
Oh, lord what a lie
Let someone question me
And I will file a lawsuit
by Anonymous | reply 12 | February 21, 2020 9:14 PM |
JonBenet's 11 o'clock number that leads to the final confrontation with Patsy and Patsy's last solo before the death duet, "That Ungrateful Little Harlot":
Why can't Mamma fuck the judges instead of me?
They're all so old 'n' ugly -- one is seventy-three!
Why can't Mamma be the one to present gash?
I do all the work for just a fucking sash!
by Anonymous | reply 13 | February 21, 2020 9:16 PM |
Patsy's big number the next morning as the police fill her house:
Come on-a my house, my house, and slosh coffee 'round the crime scene!
Come on-a my house, my house, mix John's semen with your caffeine.
Come on-a my house, my house, I'm gonna give a you coffeecake to drop on the carpets!
Come on-a my house, my house, get fingerprints on the carcass!
by Anonymous | reply 14 | February 21, 2020 9:26 PM |
MOTHER AND DAUGHTER ROUTINE:
I've known about you for a while now
When he leaves me, he wears a smile now
As soon as he's away from me
In your arms is where he wants to be
But you're the one he rushes home to
You're the one he gave his ring to
I never see his face in the early morning light
You have his mornings, his daytime
And sometimes, I have his nights
But does he love you?
(Does he love you)
Like he loves me?
(Like he loves me?)
Does he think of you
(Does he think of you)
When he's holding me?
And does he whisper
(Does he whisper)
All of his fantasies
Does he love you
(Does he love you)
Like he's been lovin' me?
by Anonymous | reply 15 | February 21, 2020 9:39 PM |
This could be the perfect comeback vehicle for DL's favorite nose-scrunching shitter-careered rom-com queen.
by Anonymous | reply 16 | February 21, 2020 9:39 PM |
Mama, I'm Dead Girl Now!
by Anonymous | reply 17 | February 21, 2020 9:41 PM |
Please a part for Rosie O'Donnell.
She has experience dealing with misbehaving children.
by Anonymous | reply 18 | February 21, 2020 9:42 PM |
This is gonna hurt me more than it ever hurts you.
Nevertheless, only one of us is going to wind up blue.
by Anonymous | reply 19 | February 21, 2020 9:46 PM |
"I Feel Guilty"
" I Could Have Scrubbed All Night"
"You Gotta Get A Ransom"
"That's How Guilty I Feel"
"Send in the Cops"
by Anonymous | reply 20 | February 21, 2020 9:51 PM |
I choked back tears when Joan Crawford valiantly choked some sense into Christina—in that awful portrayal of motherhood. I screamed “Back off, Barbara! We are witnessing a star training a petulant lass who’s showing her ass.”
by Anonymous | reply 21 | February 21, 2020 9:57 PM |
Get down in the basement or you and me gon' grapple
Imma go as soon as I finish my damn pineapple!
Sick of yo attitude, yo sass, yo mascara
You ain't queen of this house just because you got a tiara
You a vamp, a scamp and a prepubescent tramp
Imma teach you a lesson down in the basement damp
Imma show you which came first — the stick or the carrot
Wait, bitch, that's no stick it's a motherfuckin garotte
by Anonymous | reply 22 | February 21, 2020 9:59 PM |
by Anonymous | reply 23 | February 21, 2020 10:03 PM |
Off With Her Head
H is for Harlot
Club Soda Won't Get This Out
by Anonymous | reply 24 | February 21, 2020 10:04 PM |
Oh shit, r22!
by Anonymous | reply 25 | February 21, 2020 10:11 PM |
"Fat Little Pigs Don't Win Sashes and Crowns."
by Anonymous | reply 26 | February 21, 2020 10:14 PM |
Enough about all those alleged "rapes!"
Time to make your carpet match the drapes!
by Anonymous | reply 27 | February 21, 2020 10:15 PM |
The death is the close of Act I, not the 11:00. Act II is the best part.
by Anonymous | reply 28 | February 21, 2020 10:21 PM |
The Garotte Gavotte is killer!
by Anonymous | reply 29 | February 21, 2020 10:23 PM |
John’s solo:
Boulder baby, my little lady, semen on her hand
Pretty eyed, perfect smile, you'd of married an abusive man
Pageant Queen, you must have seen her prancing to the band
And now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer on my hand
by Anonymous | reply 30 | February 21, 2020 10:24 PM |
Gasping harlots in garrotes and big diamond rings.
These are a few of my favorite things!
by Anonymous | reply 31 | February 21, 2020 10:28 PM |
"How Do You Solve a Problem Like Jon-Benet?"
"Don't Rain On My Pageant"
"Patsy's Dream"
"I'm Gonna Wash that Spattered Blood Outta My Hair"
"Poor Jon-Benet Is Daid"
"Before the Funeral Procession Passes By"
"Defying Infantcide"
by Anonymous | reply 32 | February 21, 2020 10:39 PM |
Shut yo mouth, John, make Burke stop howling
Get yourself together, get me some toweling
Make like Tony Romo, stop acting like a homo
You gotta stay one step ahead of the po-po
if you want to stay outta the pen, well come on handsome
Get sharp, get a Sharpie, gonna pen a note of ransom
Gonna make it look like a pure-D blood transaction
Use my Southern common sense, blame a small foreign faction
by Anonymous | reply 33 | February 21, 2020 10:49 PM |
"The Lord Jesus Didn't Make This House Big Enough for Two Bitches, Miss Cunt!"
by Anonymous | reply 34 | February 21, 2020 11:55 PM |
"The Gift I Give You is That Now You'll Never Grow Old"
by Anonymous | reply 35 | February 21, 2020 11:58 PM |
‘Hard Cock Life’
by Anonymous | reply 36 | February 22, 2020 12:11 AM |
Gross, R4 .
by Anonymous | reply 37 | February 22, 2020 12:45 AM |
Unfortunately, if this is a smash, we'll end up with "Honey Boo-Boo--The Musical."
by Anonymous | reply 38 | February 22, 2020 12:45 AM |
It's time miss local pageant took that smug look off her face!
I was Miss West Virginia, bow down and learn your fucking place!
by Anonymous | reply 39 | February 22, 2020 12:54 AM |
Oh, Jesus! Oh, Jesus! You raised sad Lazarus from the dead!
Instead of JonBenet, could you raise some cash instead?
by Anonymous | reply 40 | February 22, 2020 1:43 AM |
I imagine something in the vein of "Gray Gardens"--with Christine Ebersole as Little JonBenet and Mary Louise Wilson as Patsy. Big second-act number: "JonBenet Loves my Pineapple."
by Anonymous | reply 41 | February 22, 2020 1:50 AM |
Now that Daddy's been in your caboose.
He thinks Mama's now too loose.
Oh, to hell with your JonBenet.
I never loved you anyway!
by Anonymous | reply 42 | February 22, 2020 2:07 AM |
"It ain't easy being Betty Draper.
Living with a kiddie raper!"
by Anonymous | reply 43 | February 22, 2020 2:10 AM |
"I gave you everything, but he was mine!
But now you're his basement concubine!
You stole my hubby, you little slut!
This time it's 'round the neck, not up the butt!"
by Anonymous | reply 44 | February 22, 2020 3:13 AM |
A somber moment in the play is when lil JBR does a solo of the modern country classic ‘Daddy’s Hands’, originally by Ms. Holly Dunn.
I remember daddy's hands folded silently in prayer
And reachin' out to hold me, when I had a nightmare
You could read quite a story in the callous' and lines
Years of work and worry had left their mark behind
I remember daddy's hands how they held my mama tight
And patted my back for something done right
There are things that I'd forgotten that I loved about the man
But I'll always remember the love in daddy's hands
Daddy's hands were soft and kind when I was cryin'
Daddy's hands were hard as steel when I'd done wrong
Daddy's hands weren't always gentle but I've come to understand
There was always love in daddy's hands
by Anonymous | reply 45 | February 22, 2020 3:19 AM |
This is when Datalounge does its best: shockingly inappropriate.
by Anonymous | reply 46 | February 22, 2020 3:19 AM |
In “Little Miss Baptist” you’d’ve not be in last place, if you’d tapped a little faster.
Or just been smart enough to give a taste to the judges and our pastor!
by Anonymous | reply 47 | February 22, 2020 3:28 AM |
"Finishing the Note"
by Anonymous | reply 48 | February 22, 2020 3:39 AM |
Patsy’s opening song to show the outside perfection of her life, broken into a a country club lunch: “Ladies Who Lunch”
by Anonymous | reply 49 | February 22, 2020 3:43 AM |
I’m not participating unless we get Sondheim. Anyone know him?
by Anonymous | reply 50 | February 22, 2020 4:42 AM |
Can we talk about the title?
Shouldn’t it be “JonBenet!”
by Anonymous | reply 51 | February 22, 2020 4:49 AM |
Why not an opera?
by Anonymous | reply 52 | February 22, 2020 4:50 AM |
Phone rings, door chimes, in comes JonBenet!
Bling-blings, show times, snare drums, JonBenet!
Tap shoes, blue bruise, pom-poms
High glitz! Charm blitz! Stage moms!
Short skirts, coy flirts, prat falls
And all those trophies on the walls
And all those shows at the malls
Oh, God, the maaaaalls ...
The malls ...
Phone rings, door chimes, in comes JonBenet!
by Anonymous | reply 53 | February 22, 2020 4:55 AM |
R50 ‘Broadway Baby’ and ‘ Every Day a Little Death’ would be appropriate, if someone wants to rework the lyrics.
by Anonymous | reply 54 | February 22, 2020 5:35 AM |
R51 I would suggest ‘A Slut Is Born’.
by Anonymous | reply 55 | February 22, 2020 5:37 AM |
I agree Burke is so handsome and he has gay voice too.
by Anonymous | reply 56 | February 22, 2020 7:35 AM |
The First Act Waltz:
JonBenet,
Come this way!
JonBenet, JonBenet,
Come this way!
There are cookies, candies, and Barbies in the basement.
JonBenet,
Come this way!
There are Raggedy Andys, and Arby's in the basement.
JonBenet,
Come this way!
Now, won't that be nice?
Don't make me say it twice!
JonBenet,
COME THIS WAY!
by Anonymous | reply 57 | February 22, 2020 1:25 PM |
"Patsy's Lament"
My pussy stinks.
It really do.
My hubby thinks.
It smells like poo.
But she's as fresh as a flower.
Tapping is not her only power.
by Anonymous | reply 58 | February 22, 2020 1:28 PM |
I'm the number where Patsy has her epiphany and knows what she must do:
Not one day more
With his tiny whore!
Not another minute
With this little hooker in it.
I’ve had it with her saucy, sexy stuff.
Sometimes "tough love" ain’t tough enough!
by Anonymous | reply 59 | February 22, 2020 1:57 PM |
R59 you’re now my favorite post so far
by Anonymous | reply 60 | February 22, 2020 2:42 PM |
The haunting ballad for Ghost of JonBenet: “Everybody Knows My Name.”
by Anonymous | reply 61 | February 22, 2020 3:08 PM |
R59, could we work the lyrics “saucy little minx” in?
by Anonymous | reply 62 | February 22, 2020 3:09 PM |
That subversive, saucy little minx!
Whispering to John, "Mommy's pussy stinks."
by Anonymous | reply 63 | February 22, 2020 3:28 PM |
"I Wouldn't Wish Cancer On Anyone (Until Now)"
by Anonymous | reply 64 | February 22, 2020 3:41 PM |
I'm the ghost of Jon Benet that opens the musical. Yes. it's a Hamlet rip off, but why not rip off from the best. I tell my brother to watch out for Patsy. He tells me to go eat pineapple. I do it.
Habits are hard to break.
by Anonymous | reply 65 | February 22, 2020 3:49 PM |
I'm the "intruder" who broke into the house while the Ramsey family is sleeping.
I was cut out of town.
by Anonymous | reply 66 | February 22, 2020 4:07 PM |
I'm Patsy and John's duet, sung as soon as the police arrive:
"We're leaving on a jet plane.
Don't know when we'll be back again."
by Anonymous | reply 67 | February 22, 2020 4:09 PM |
- Sing out, JonBenet!
by Anonymous | reply 68 | February 22, 2020 4:11 PM |
I'm JonBenet doing her version of Liza's "Ring Them Bells" number during the talent portion of the Little Miss Snowflake pageant:
You gotta turn them tricks,
You gotta turn them tricks!
You gotta make 'em scream when you turn them tricks!
It's such a happy day to see another john pay!
You gotta turn - them - tricks!
by Anonymous | reply 69 | February 22, 2020 4:20 PM |
I was too young to die
Time was on my side.
But I flew too close to the flame.
Now everybody knows my name.
As a child I had it all
Til I heard the basement call
JonBenet! JonBenet!
Come down here and play.
Now everybody knows my name.
Mommy! Daddy! Help me please!
Cruel hands won’t let me breathe
I want to live another day
Make the darkness go away
Soon everyone will know my name
JonBenet! JonBenet!
by Anonymous | reply 70 | February 22, 2020 4:22 PM |
I'm JonBenet's first solo "She's Just Jealous"
“I’m a nice Mommy,” she’ll tell us.
But no dice. She’s not nice.
She’s just jealous.
Every time I win,
I get that hard grin.
She’s just jealous.
And when I catch Daddy’s eye.
It makes Mommy cry.
She’s just jealous.
But if she makes me choke.
That will be my final joke.
Just wait and see!
She’ll be less famous than me!
Mary Hart will be so zealous.
And Mommy will be so jealous!
by Anonymous | reply 71 | February 22, 2020 4:57 PM |
I'm Burke's solos that were cut in Boston after cease and desist letters were sent to the producers:
"I'm Special (The Poo Smearing Song)"
"Secrets Cost Candy, Xboxes, Hookers, and Cars!"
"If I Killed Her."
by Anonymous | reply 72 | February 22, 2020 5:25 PM |
My Heart Belongs To Daddy
by Anonymous | reply 73 | February 22, 2020 5:28 PM |
One Singular Strangulation
by Anonymous | reply 74 | February 22, 2020 5:29 PM |
Patsy: "Wipe Off The Blood, Pick Up The Pen"
Burke: "Sissy's Gone To Heaven (And We Sent Her There)"
Patsy and John: "What's The Matter with Burke"
John: "I'll Never Know Someone Like You (So Tight, So New)"
by Anonymous | reply 75 | February 22, 2020 5:34 PM |
"I Saw JonBenet Sucking Santa Claus"
by Anonymous | reply 76 | February 22, 2020 6:44 PM |
I'm the FIFTH John/JonBenet number that Patsy bursts in on:
"Will You Still Care (When I Have Hair Down There)?"
by Anonymous | reply 77 | February 22, 2020 7:09 PM |
I'm Linda Lavin, brought in to play Patsy's street-smart, wise-cracking mom from New Jersey. I do a sassy song 'n dance numbah with Dectectives Allison. Janney and Lucie Arnaz.
There's a new girl in town
She's not lookin good
No smile, no song for the neighba-hood
Bahda buh bum da BOM
by Anonymous | reply 78 | February 22, 2020 7:24 PM |
I'm the moment after the climactic moment in "Patsy's Turn" when the stage splits open and a white grand piano rises with a little girl in a red-white-and-blue cowboy sweetheart atop it.
She turns to the audience and declares, "IT'S JONBENET — BITCH."
by Anonymous | reply 79 | February 22, 2020 7:38 PM |
I'm the uptempo number Patsy does in a holiday cardigan with a Christmas Tree and boxes of presents around the waist:
"It's Our Last Christmas Together -- And Your Last Christmas Forever!"
by Anonymous | reply 80 | February 22, 2020 8:11 PM |
I'm the duet near the end of the show, which is sung in counterpoint:
John singing "Heaven Needed a New Angel" while Patsy sings "The Lord Jesus Flung Her Straight Into Hell."
by Anonymous | reply 81 | February 22, 2020 8:26 PM |
I’m the dark ballet interlude “On the Spectrum,” representing the swirl of emotions and thoughts in Burke’s mind.
by Anonymous | reply 82 | February 22, 2020 10:56 PM |
I'm the defiant number where Patsy tells John and Burke to mind their P's and Q's and leave her the fuck alone!
"DON’T tell me not to KILL
I simply have to!
If JonBenet’s in a landfill,
It’s her and NOT YOU!
Don’t let the DA
Down the basement stairway!
I got a garrote.
A big jug of claret.
And the gift of prophecy!
If they indict,
We’re gonna fight!
Till the jury yells, “Baloney!”
by Anonymous | reply 83 | February 22, 2020 11:47 PM |
I'm the tender moment between Patsy and JonBenet about John's molestation just before Patsy turns on her daughter and strangles her:
"Baby, it's much too soon
To have a peen inside your poon!"
by Anonymous | reply 84 | February 23, 2020 1:40 AM |
Someone set something to “Broads Ain’t People”
by Anonymous | reply 85 | February 23, 2020 1:56 AM |
I'm Patsy's number early in the First Act that signals that her growing resentment for her daughter isn't really about John:
See those tiaras along the wall?
I was the one who won them all!
Not Jonenet! She just taps and sings.
I’m the one who pulls the strings.
It’s not important who sings a song
What’s important is picking one that’s not wrong.
It’s choosing the outfit, not wearing it.
I deserve credit, but she’s not sharing it!
by Anonymous | reply 86 | February 23, 2020 2:05 PM |
Jonenet! should, of course, be JonBenet!
by Anonymous | reply 87 | February 23, 2020 2:06 PM |
You coax the blood right of the mat, Patsy...
You charm the cum right out the dress, Patsy...
You've got the family schemin' and plannin' out a fist to beat the bitch...
The whole law firm's a-hummin' since you threatened to sue everyone...
by Anonymous | reply 88 | February 23, 2020 2:15 PM |
R86 I can hear it in my head.
by Anonymous | reply 89 | February 23, 2020 2:16 PM |
R90 OMG!
There used to be a lot of videos like that on YouTube. They got scrubbed when the parents/coaches posting them realized how people outside the pint-size harlot pageant circuit were reacting to them.
One of my favorites -- for total shock value -- was a you girl (maybe 6 or 7) provocatively dancing to "Boom Boom Boom Let's Go Back to My Room."
by Anonymous | reply 91 | February 23, 2020 3:34 PM |
Those parents should be arrested for that, it’s Baby Burlesque.
by Anonymous | reply 92 | February 23, 2020 3:43 PM |
I'm the show-stopping number where Patsy teaches JonBenet that her strip tease isn't provocative enough to win:
You can pull all the stops out
Till they call the cops out
Grind your behind till you're banned
But you gotta show some gash
If you wanna win that sash!
You can pop all your seams
Till the judges cream their jeans
Have a little nip-slip
Every time you flip or dip.
But you gotta show some gash
If you wanna win that sash!
You can uh, you can uh
You can uh, uh, uh
That's all been done before!
So ya uh, and ya uh
And ya uh, uh, uh
But you do it LIKE A WHORE!
by Anonymous | reply 93 | February 23, 2020 4:25 PM |
R93! Do you want them to burn down the theater?
by Anonymous | reply 94 | February 23, 2020 5:14 PM |
I am so happy I don't have kids. Or even like them. That video at R90 is truly disturbing. Not because she likes to dance. Nothing wrong with that. I am not a dancer, but she seems good. But it's so oddly sexualized. Can't she dance with some clothes on? I don't get it. Eh, not my problem.
by Anonymous | reply 95 | February 23, 2020 9:25 PM |
In act one I’m a cutesy Mickey Mouse Club style number performed by our pint-sized antagonist at the Little Miss Rockies pageant.
I get reworked into a chilling reprise throughout the rest of the show after the contents of JonBenet’s stomach are revealed during act two.
by Anonymous | reply 96 | February 23, 2020 9:43 PM |
You’ll Never Get to Heaven (If You Break My Hymen)
by Anonymous | reply 97 | February 23, 2020 9:46 PM |
I'm her father's big Act 1 number YOU'RE PRE-TEEN, YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, AND YOUR MINE.
by Anonymous | reply 98 | February 24, 2020 12:37 AM |
John Ramsey comes into his own in this rousing number!
Tots...ain’t people
They’re...just tots.
What happens if you treat one as an equal?
What’s the payoff?
What’s the sequel?
She’ll sink you!
She’ll smash you!
She’ll chew you like a cashew!
If you’re too much of a humble bum
(A humble bum, a humble bum)
You’ll end up being a stumblebum!
(A stumblebum, a stumblebum!)
How can a gentleman block ‘em?
SOCK ‘EM!
POW!
Atta boy!
Tots...ain’t people
They’re...just kooks.
Show them you’re the boss,
And they’ll come across,
No applesauce from tots.
Tots...ain’t people.
They’re...not nice.
They try to mold you like a piece of putty,
And you end up
Kinda nutty!
They’ll con ya!
They’ll clean ya!
And serve you a subpoen-ya!
If you should humor their every whim
(Their every whim, their every whim)
You’ll wind up out on a silken limb
(A silken limb, a silken limb).
How can a gentleman stop ‘em?
WHOP ‘EM!
VISH!
Tots...ain’t human.
Tots...ain’t folks!
To whit and whereas
Give them the razz,
Don’t take no jazz from tots.
Old Pastor Warren
Our patron saint -
He knocked up Mormons
In ways that were quaint.
Hail To Warren!
Take Jimmy Saville!
One of the bros...
He kept ‘em coming
On all of his shows.
Hail to Saville!
Be gentle with a tot and you will lose her.
If you don’t slap her ‘round you’ll just confuse her!
Don’t ever get pal-y
With Suzy and Sally.
Keep givin’ your Annie
A slap on the fanny.
Tots...ain’t people.
They’re...just tots.
If you ignore this law that is eternal,
You’ll be corporal - she’ll be colonel!
Be fearless!
Be ruthless!
A tiger isn’t toothless!
To make her childhood a merry jest
(A merry jest, a merry jest)
Just keep exposing a hairy chest
(A hairy chest, a hairy chest)
How can a gentleman train ‘em?
BRAIN ‘EM!
All daughters are witches!
Too big for their britches!
Beware of the hand which
Puts you in a sandwich!
If you are a Viking,
You’ll be to her liking.
Oh, say, can you see!
What is, has to be!
Tots ain’t people
Like you and him and me!
They’re tots!
by Anonymous | reply 99 | February 24, 2020 1:32 AM |
I’ll be looking forward to JonBenet looking back from heaven for the finale:
I remember it all very well lookin' down
It was the winter I turned six
We lived in a ten room, suburb town mansion
On the outskirts of Boulder
We had plenty of money for food and we didn’t rent
To say the least we were rich
Then Mama spent a couple pennies we had
To buy me a dancin' dress on the black AMEX
Mama had a Stylist wash and comb and curl my hair
And she ordered her to paint my eyes and lips then I stepped into a satin dancin' dress that had a split on the side clean up to my hip
It was red velvet trim and it fit me good
Standin' back from the lookin' glass
There stood a woman where a half gown kid had stood
She said here's your one chance JonBenet don't let me down... Here's your one chance JonBenet don't let me down
by Anonymous | reply 100 | February 25, 2020 7:31 PM |
I'm JonBenet singing a very slow version of an old Barbra Streisand song:
"He Touched Me."
by Anonymous | reply 101 | February 25, 2020 8:17 PM |
I'm the "Sister Act" Patsy tries to talk JonBenet into doing with her for the talent show at the country club.
I'm also the ungrateful child who commits suicide by telling Patsy, "No."
by Anonymous | reply 102 | February 25, 2020 11:01 PM |
I'm JonBenet singing in front the mirror:
I've written a letter to Daddy.
The address is "the basement" below.
I've written a letter to Daddy,
Saying, "I'm not your ho!"
by Anonymous | reply 103 | February 26, 2020 3:53 PM |
I Smack A Girl Who Just Says No!
by Anonymous | reply 104 | February 26, 2020 8:29 PM |
I’m the scraped plan to revise the ending and have Burke do an Aerosmith cover: “JonBenet’s Got a Gun”.
by Anonymous | reply 105 | April 6, 2020 9:14 PM |
THE RANSOM:
I write this in my darkest hour The petal's dead, my daughter's flower. The pen is slanted, the money planted. Isn't Burke a fecal joy enchanted? If I fool you, am I forgiven? Can I back to wealthy livin'? I hated her, that glamour veneer The way John tapped that powdered rear. Oh rapture, rapture come with cancer Or accept the ransom as my answer. To what you all want to know... I killed that little fucking ho.
by Anonymous | reply 106 | April 6, 2020 9:55 PM |
R106 BRAVO! BRAVO!
by Anonymous | reply 107 | April 6, 2020 9:57 PM |
THE RANSOM:
I write this in my darkest hour.
The petal's dead, my daughter's flower.
The pen is slanted, the money planted.
Isn't Burke a fecal joy enchanted?
If I fool you, am I forgiven?
Can I go back to wealthy livin'?
I hated her, that glamour veneer.
The way John tapped that powdered rear.
Oh rapture, rapture come with cancer.
Or accept the ransom as my answer.
To what you all want to know...
I killed that little fucking ho.
by Anonymous | reply 108 | April 6, 2020 10:03 PM |
Well, someone tell me, when is it my turn?
Don't I get a dream for myself?
Starting now it's gonna be my turn.
Gangway, world, get off of my runway!
Starting now I bat a thousand!
This time, boys, I'm taking the bows and
Everything's coming up Patsy!
Everything's coming up Patsy!
Everything's coming up Patsy
this time for me!
For me! For me! For me! For me! For me!
For me!
by Anonymous | reply 109 | April 6, 2020 10:56 PM |
This board is LAME.
by Anonymous | reply 110 | April 6, 2020 11:27 PM |
When I Break That Girls Legs In Two She'll Be - Lame!
(First Number After "We Need A Little Christmas".)
by Anonymous | reply 111 | April 6, 2020 11:38 PM |
R110 wouldn’t know wit and humor if it bit her in the cunt.
by Anonymous | reply 112 | April 7, 2020 12:18 AM |
Patsy's emotional Second Act ballad
And I Am Telling You....
That Fat Little Whore Is Going....
by Anonymous | reply 113 | April 7, 2020 1:09 AM |
I never thought I could love the Patsy character until I heard her sing
I know you hate me, 'cause I'm so pretty
You hate me, 'cause I'm a winner
But I tell you what I'll never be
That's a fat little lyin' sinner...
by Anonymous | reply 114 | April 7, 2020 1:14 AM |
I Gotta Be Mean!
by Anonymous | reply 115 | April 7, 2020 2:11 AM |
The show must close with Little JonBenet singing "God Bless America" at a beauty pageant in heaven!
by Anonymous | reply 116 | April 7, 2020 5:51 AM |
Wow, R22 is the best!!😯
by Anonymous | reply 118 | April 12, 2020 7:45 PM |
"Go Away Little Girl"
by Anonymous | reply 119 | April 12, 2020 7:57 PM |
R33 too! The best!
by Anonymous | reply 120 | April 12, 2020 8:03 PM |
burke is so handsome
by Anonymous | reply 121 | April 12, 2020 8:12 PM |
Oh my god, I have tears I'm laughing so hard. This reminds me of the old classic DL threads.
Welcome back, bitches!
by Anonymous | reply 122 | April 12, 2020 9:07 PM |
I'm the song John sings to JonBenet, letting her know it's time for her to be a woman:
You wait, little girl, with a pageant sash
For fate to turn the fun on
Your life, little girl, is an empty gash
That men will want to cum on
To cum on
You are six going on forty
Baby, it´s time to play
Better be wild, no longer a child
Baby, you´re a great lay!
You are six going on forty,
Fellows will fall in line
Eager young wimps and leeches and pimps
Will offer you drugs and wine
Totally unprepared are you
To face a world of dick
Saucy, yet shy and scared are you
But you will have your pick!
You need someone older and wiser
Showing you what to do
I am forty going into eight
IIIIIIIIIIII´ll screeeeeew you!
by Anonymous | reply 123 | April 12, 2020 9:56 PM |
PATSY'S LAST SONG:
No more mornings wondering what she’ll wear.
No more evenings bleaching that hooker hair.
No more moments pretending to even care.
No more hours watching someone else shine.
All the flowers, all the applause, will now be mine!
From now on, it’s my prayers that get the answer!
From now on, . . . oh, shit . . . cancer!
by Anonymous | reply 124 | April 13, 2020 7:27 PM |
I'm not feeling the humor on this one.
by Anonymous | reply 125 | April 13, 2020 7:58 PM |
R125 well you’re unfortunately 124 posts too late
by Anonymous | reply 126 | April 13, 2020 8:00 PM |
[quote]I'm not feeling the humor on this one.
I've pencilled in a minute in 2027 to try to care.
by Anonymous | reply 127 | April 13, 2020 8:06 PM |
I'm the song where Patsy tells John her clever idea for getting rid of the body:
PATSY:
With the price of meat what it is.
When you get it.
If you get it.
JOHN:
Ha!
PATSY:
Good. You got it.
by Anonymous | reply 128 | April 14, 2020 6:00 PM |
Im the dream sequence where two ballet dancer, representing Jonbenet and Burke do the interpretive dance of her murder around a giant paper mâché pineapple.
by Anonymous | reply 129 | April 14, 2020 6:20 PM |
A foreshadowing song and nod to Sophie Tucker:
"I could make a music master drop his fiddle
Make a bald-headed man part his hair in the middle
'Cuz I'm a red hot mama
Red hot mama
But I'll have to turn my temper down"
by Anonymous | reply 130 | April 14, 2020 6:23 PM |
I’m the solo number by Patsy to Burke: ‘Aspie Faggot’.
Listen up here you Aspie Faggot
Your sister is dead cause that pineapple
Well you just couldn’t have it
Now I’ll never get to plan anything but a funeral in a Chapel
So grab that body and drag it!
by Anonymous | reply 131 | May 2, 2020 11:33 PM |
Posting just to keep this thread in the line up. Don't have time now but I'll be back t read it all. Such a strange case with Mrs. Patsy Ramsey, formerly of Boulder, CO the strangest of all. I'm so glad to see her posting here at DL, she always has something cheerful and cogent to add.
by Anonymous | reply 132 | May 2, 2020 11:42 PM |
From "Woman of the Year":
You can make a garrote That's wonderful!
What's so wonderful?
You can write a ransom note That's wonderful!
by Anonymous | reply 133 | May 3, 2020 12:47 AM |
Only Bad Little Girls Call 9-1-1 On Christmas Eve
Santa's coming to get back your pretty new dress That you've only had for a day Daddy had to tell him what you did And he was not pleased
by Anonymous | reply 134 | May 3, 2020 2:39 AM |
"I"m going to strangle that smirk right off of your face."
by Anonymous | reply 135 | May 3, 2020 3:58 PM |
“I have written a wicked book, and feel spotless as the lamb.”
The song as they discuss writing their book.
by Anonymous | reply 136 | May 3, 2020 4:35 PM |
The song where Patsy reveals to JonBenet what is going to happen to her.
"Tired of your shade.
Missy, we are through.
Sacrifices must be made.
And by that, I mean YOU!"
by Anonymous | reply 137 | May 3, 2020 5:21 PM |
You bitches are terrible. I am laughing myself silly.
I’m the innovative set design which has rolling modules of the various rooms. There’s a hydraulic lift that brings a weeping John up from the wine cellar bearing a limp JonBenet. And a trapeze on which John’s deceased daughter from a previous marriage descends to escort her half-sister to Heaven.
by Anonymous | reply 138 | May 3, 2020 5:31 PM |
I’m the flashback to Patsy’s glory days as a pageant queen. I’m lit with icy blue lights behind a scrim because, duh, I’m a flashback.
by Anonymous | reply 139 | May 3, 2020 5:32 PM |
"Finishing the Note"
PATSY:
Should the kidnapper have a name?
JOHN:
Preston. Hunter. Or Wayne?
PATSY:
No, something really common.
JOHN:
Warren?
PATSY:
No, something foreign.
JOHN:
Maybe Salvadoran.
PATSY:
Or from Bombay? Or The Hague.
JOHN:
Just say they’re foreign.
PATSY:
That’s sounds sorta vague.
by Anonymous | reply 140 | May 3, 2020 6:40 PM |
I'm the costume designer. For Patsy Ramsey, we tried to get permission from St. John Knits for her wardrobe. They said no. So my girls ran up copies and for the problematic bloodstains, we used a combination of corn syrup and red food coloring. Seemed to work, especially for the finale!
by Anonymous | reply 141 | May 5, 2020 2:11 AM |
Patsy's Last Number (cut after the lawsuit):
"The Lord Jesus answered my prayer!
When I turn, she's no longer there.
It's like I never saw her, never heard her!
With enough Jesus -- and cash -- you can get away with murder!"
by Anonymous | reply 142 | May 7, 2020 2:40 PM |
""Dance: Three; Ass: Ten"
by Anonymous | reply 143 | May 13, 2020 5:40 PM |
Burke is quite the handsome young homosexual.
by Anonymous | reply 144 | May 14, 2020 1:41 PM |
I'm the song Patsy sings in the dressing room as JonBenet is about go on for the talent portion of the Little Miss Snowflake pageant:
"In your perm,
There are flecks of sperm!
Quick! Get that sparkly hat!
We can't have the judges see that."
by Anonymous | reply 145 | May 14, 2020 5:22 PM |
I'm the number when Patsy confronts her husband about the Polaroids she just found:
"John, isn't it enough that if find
That you're diddling that brat?
One can put that our of her mind,
But now I find you're both into scat!"
by Anonymous | reply 146 | May 25, 2020 4:33 PM |
that should be:
"One can put that out of her mind,"
by Anonymous | reply 147 | May 25, 2020 4:35 PM |
What rhymes with stumpet other than trumpet?
by Anonymous | reply 148 | May 25, 2020 5:09 PM |
This thread is fucking genius. How did I miss it before?
by Anonymous | reply 149 | May 25, 2020 5:31 PM |
Little JonBenet's hair
Now bleached platinum blonde
They look to me and ask:
"Oh Patsy what have you done?"
I say it's from spending the days of summer
In the hot Michigan sun
by Anonymous | reply 150 | May 25, 2020 8:01 PM |
I'm 15 year old Honey Boo Boo auditioning for the lead.
by Anonymous | reply 151 | May 25, 2020 8:04 PM |
Trumpet ...
Nymphet
Dump it
Like it or lump it
by Anonymous | reply 152 | May 25, 2020 8:04 PM |
PATSY:
"Listen, Missy, don't say that anymore.
You're not a 'sex worker' -- you're a WHORE!"
by Anonymous | reply 153 | May 25, 2020 8:45 PM |
It happened one night on the basement floor
He was bore, she was whore... I couldn’t take no more!
by Anonymous | reply 154 | June 10, 2020 11:09 PM |
I'm John, stopping the show in the first act singing "Thank Heaven for Little Girls," surrounded by JonBenet's pageant costars.
And I'm John bringing the house to tears with my second act romantic ballad "Some Enchanted Garrote."
by Anonymous | reply 155 | June 11, 2020 12:15 AM |
I'm JonBenet singing my big soliloquy "I'm Gonna Tell."
It's the last thing I sing before I'm offed.
by Anonymous | reply 156 | June 11, 2020 12:53 AM |
I'm Jon Benet's ghost singing from the great beyond:
"It Was Her"
by Anonymous | reply 157 | June 11, 2020 2:53 AM |
We demand that this musical be cast with people of color.
by Anonymous | reply 158 | June 11, 2020 3:07 AM |
"I'm Just a Girl Who Can't Say, 'Daddy, NO!'"
by Anonymous | reply 159 | June 11, 2020 6:04 PM |
I’m Barry gibb and am trying to decide who gets the reworked version of “Woman In Love” and weighing whether jonbenet or patsy gets to sing the new version of “Guilty” as duet for John to sing.
by Anonymous | reply 160 | October 25, 2020 3:40 AM |
‘‘Twas the Night After Christmas”
26th December, Nineteen Hundred & Ninety Six, the Good Lords year.
I put that blonde child to bed in daddy’s favorite, those sexy fishnet sheers.
In vain, I’d explain, how a vagina, after two childbirths, is never the same.
She’d say, “but it hurts”. “JonBenet, just lay still until he spurts”.
Bitch didn’t take heed. Defiant; ingrate; entitled; my little beauty queen rebuffed daddy’s need.
Now she rots. In the ground; Maggot feed.
by Anonymous | reply 161 | October 25, 2020 4:39 AM |
For Your Consideration
by Anonymous | reply 162 | December 24, 2020 12:50 AM |
I’m the queen in the lobby selling garrote pens, dead Jon Benet bobbeheads, child and adult sized tiaras, poopy ball chocolates and the Jon benet cocktail which is a Shirley temple without a cherry.
by Anonymous | reply 163 | December 24, 2020 1:37 AM |
How was this woman ever a beauty queen? Was it judged by a blind panel?
by Anonymous | reply 164 | December 24, 2020 1:53 AM |
Silent Night, Hole-y Night
Brat ate my pineapple, gonna be a fight
'Round here no virgins, Mother kills Child
Hole-y opens to let out my bile
Wiping my feces on her chocolates!
Burke the Pooper is Born!
Burke the Pooper is Born!
by Anonymous | reply 165 | December 24, 2020 2:03 AM |
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