Dealing with your Show Biz friends and acquaintances' constant need for approval

I’m always eb ill.

^ Ebenezer Ill, is that you?

As a performer/artist myself, I've had shows/performances that were packed out and some where the attendance was pathetic. It's a cycle and you just have to remember that, if you're good enough, people will show up. Thankfully, most of my other performer friends are quite wonderful and I'm usually more than happy to go see them, but there are those few, not friends, but acquaintances who are so mediocre or downright awful that I have to always make up excuses.

I'll admit to even going to see some friends in a show once and leaving during intermission. At least then you can feel like you actually tried and made an effort.

The problem is that no one really wants to attend these plays, cabarets, etc., so they have to dragoon people into coming or the place would be empty.

So far, so good. But then once you come you have to go backstage (or at least call up or text later) and turn into their personal ego-gratification machine.

And they not only expect it of you, they believe it is their right and will become abusive if you fail to deliver.

But how to get out of all this, short of ghosting them? Breadcrumbing doesn't work, because they'll keep after you every time they appear in something.

What does one do when a beloved friend has no talent?

An actress friend is a lovely, kind person and passionate about her theatre/cabaret projects.... which are always bad. And she's bad in them.

I want to support her but I also grow weary of flat-out lying about her talents.

Exactly OP. What creates the mental illness/narcissism that makes people believe anyone wants to come see their narcissistic displays of egotism? It is pathetic to me that people try to corrrall people into coming to “see them perform”. How do these people have the delusion of self-importance to tell people “come pay attention to me for 2 hours”? Actors/performers are toxic. It’s all about them and everything is performance. I learned after a few years not to feed into it. Not worth being friends with people who would do that.

I do attend arts events at least a few times a week; comp tickets are a lure, but also an obligation.

Such a problem!! Do what you want OP. Sometime supporting a good friend is a very nice thing to do. But it's your choice- you're an adult I assume.

I hope "Show Bix" becomes a part of the DL lexicon.

Anyone who asks how they were after a performance is a psycho. Asking if they enjoyed the show is one thing, but if all they can talk about is their own performance, run!

Usually, if I've seen a show that I hated, but my friend was in it (and wasn't terribly bad), I'll just say they were great and try to remember a few times they landed a laugh or a generous heaping of applause from the audience and say that was a highlight. If it's really bad, I try to run out quickly after the curtain call.

Ugh. I knew a woman who taught an acting class and she invited us to her "Industry Night/Actor's Showcase" finale. There's 20 people in the show and there's no one in the audience. These dumb actors didn't invite any of their friends! So, six months later same deal. I go to support my friend, and I assume there will be an audience. Nope. Just a handful of people. Six months later, here we go again. I finally asked her why her students didn't invite their friends, and she told me she didn't want them to, so there would be plenty of available seats for invited "Industry"! I was like, "WHAT INDUSTRY???! As if there's agents and managers just clamoring to see HER shitty show. As if they're going to come piling in!!! My teacher friend was just as delusional as the actors who thought they were going to get "discovered!" Most dreadful acting ever! I told my friend I couldn't bear to watch another shit show, so don't ever invite me again! She was highly offended. We don't speak any longer.

Show Bix is the new Cak & Graxy!

If it's a good friend, go and support them (once is enough). If not, why are you friends anyway?

It’s comical to watch performers after one of these little ego performances. Every one comes up and says “you were great” - and they totally lap it up and believe it. Totally delusional. Like giving crack to an addict. Just don’t do it - they will just want more and you will end up getting invites for the next 30:years to horrible little shows. They just can’t stop trying to get that next hit of ego boost - at your expense.

I don't have showbiz friends. I find OP's predicament laughable.

Lucky you R15

I have two friends who keep getting cast in musicals.

They sing pretty well (they never go off key), but they can't act AT ALL.

It's laborious to sit through their shows, but it's part of friendship.

My friends all have real jobs. They don't put on 'cabaret shows'.

My problem is that I have a lot of friends who work in television, and they always expect me to have seen their show. I have a close friend who worked on 'The Killing," and I saw all of that show (for the first 2 seasons at least) and could talk to him about specifics i liked on the show--but then he worked on "The Vampire Diaries" and then "911," and I have no interest in such stupid shows. They're just not my thing. I was very honest with him about it (without calling the shows "stupid" of course)--when he asked me if I had seen them, I said, "You know, those shows just aren't my sort of thing." He seems to have taken it well.

R11 nailed it. Those "showcases" are the worst. Must to avoid.

At least with a (bad) cabaret evening, they might cover a song or two you actually like. Or the pianist might be good. And there's usually a drink.

Avoid LA at all costs!

I have "actor" friends who work all the time. Unfortunately, it's usually as extras in big budget movies. They think it's the coolest thing ever and go on and on about their "craft" and I want to tell them "what craft? You're one face in a sea of hundreds in the bleachers or in a diner somewhere. You're out of fucking focus in the background."

I once even submitted myself to be an extra in a movie at the urging of one of these fiends. Pay isn't half bad honestly, but it was the most mind numbing work I'd ever done in my life. I was so bored and surrounded by all these professional extras who took themselves way too seriously. They were convinced that, if they worked on enough movies, they'd get discovered and turned into stars. They didn't even seem to have lofty goals to be great actors - just to be stars. The desperation and sadness were palpable. It was like something out of The Day of the Locust.

What’s YOUR definition of a friend, OP? JFC. I’m not an entertainer, but fuck, I’m glad i’m not your friend.

[quote] I hope "Show Bix" becomes a part of the DL lexicon.

[quote] Show Bix is the new Cak & Graxy!

Pron

Straight me

Ypir

I have many arty friends and acquaintances, they invite me for their performances, gigs and exhibition openings. If I'm in a mood, I'm always glad to see my pals and attend an interesting event. But if the upcoming event resembles hipster gig located in the middle of nowhere, I decline the invatation politely. Never had problems with it - touch the wood. In my turn, I never persuade people to read my works. I used to have one hysterical friend, scandals and baseless offences were her 5th element. Fortunately, I told her to fuck off.

Darling, you were wonderful, you really were quite good. I enjoyed it, though, of course, no one understood a word of what was going on, they didn't have a clue. They couldn't understand your sense of humour like I do.

[quote] They think it's the coolest thing ever and go on and on about their "craft"

Are you friends with Phylicia Rashad?

Boy, are you guys amateurs. You have to go in expecting it to be a total shitshow, and bring another friend who isn't a friend of the person who invited you, to sit through the train wreck with you ...and enjoy it!

Yup, that's right. Enjoy how cringeworthy and horrendous it is. I'm not saying boo people or make faces, I'm saying revel in the awkwardness.

How many of you watch comedy shows or films where you laugh hysterically as unbelievably awkward things happen and you enjoy watching other people try to squeeze their way out of these really unpleasant or irritating situations..?

Just go to that same mental place, where you can enjoy how memorably awful a performance is. I have some friends with whom I still laugh about really bad shows we saw together. I know if you're going to support a friend who honestly believes they're terrific, that's kind of tragic and sad, but just because you love the person doesn't mean you have to love their "art".

I don't delude my friends. I try to tell them when I see something that's not working, but if they refuse to hear it, okay, message received, your ego is too fragile.

But yeah.....if you have to "support" them, find the comedy in it. It's there.

"I’m glad i’m not your friend. " The feeling is mutual, R23.

Once you're out of your 20s, no one expects you to do this anymore for them. Seriously. My friends over 30 who are actors or performers are now ASTONISHED if their adult friends go see their show. They have come to an age by then where they realize no one really wants to see them perform anymore.

I always decline by saying, "I'm sorry, I can't. It wouldn't be fair to all my other friends. I have never shown up at their places of employment either just to observe them work."

Yes, I'm a cunt and proud of it.

I do what Judy Garland (allegedly) did: If she had to go a friend's dressing room after what she thought was a dreadful performance by the friend she'd say to them, "How DO you do it?!"

It's just a real shitty, relentless position to find yourself in on a daily basis, OP, and I completely empathize.

When you say showbiz, op, I think what you actually mean is community theater. Nothing about what you have described is “showbiz” or “showbiz adjacent”.

[quote]I hope "Show Bix" becomes a part of the DL lexicon.

That is the least witty aspect of DL: The stupid repetition of typos, as if they are fungible for actual wit.

"Lens Dunham" is not, and never has been, funny.

I'm not one of those controlling people demanding that people stop using it, but I am expressing an opinion that it is tediously lame.

R35 has stated her boundaries.

R4 If your friends become abusive, you are under no obligation to continue having contact with them. State your boundaries girl

I have little in common with "entertainers" and avoid them as people, much less friends.

An old friend, who'd studied at RADA and later became a writer, said just to tell them how wonderful they were. She said that if the play or performance sucked, they knew it, so don't try to talk around it. Just lie and tell them it was wonderful.

She'd stopped acting by the time I met her, so I never had to test this on her.

Trust me, most sane actors (yes, there are a few of them out there) know the shows they're in are shit. They always know those three transitions are wonky, the spotlight was late, that music cue was too loud, and the one actor was only cast because they were fucking the director or the cousin of the theater's creative director.

"I think what you actually mean is community theater. " - R34

If you consider Manhattan a community, then yes. I am referring (obliquely, but that often eludes some dullards here) to 54 Below, established cabaret venues, and Off-Broadway plays and musicals, along with smaller venues.

Well to the rest of us not in NY, a decently produced 54 Below cabaret show sounds like a slice of heaven compared to some of the rickety rackety community theater bar lounge acts we've seen in our lifetimes. And just because your friend's singing or acting is not to your liking doesn't mean that they might not luck into a good role or get discovered by a manager who is able to book them on something that will help them pay the bills. There's nothing wrong with wanting better for your broke ass artist friends. And just as is the case in pretty much every industry, sometimes lousy people do manage to get the job and keep the job for a really long time. Showbiz is not about merit. So cheering your inept friend on as they do some crappy show is a way of saying I love you in spite of your mess. They may not have to show up at your office job and cheer you on did you screw up with a client or botch the annual report.... But they may be more inclined to be there for you when your marriage goes south and you need a couch to crash on, or you desperately need a babysitter for your kid because of some emergency. Being there for friends does come back around and bring you positive karma.

Nicely put, R42.

I keep putting you on ignore, r43, and you keep reappearing. You must be the guy who started the William O'Connor thread. I'm always finding him in the "ignore" bin.

I go and see them. Sometimes even more than twice.

Having lived in NY and LA most of my life, this is a pretty regular occurrence.

I don’t mind supporting my friends. And if they happen to be good? That’s even better.

I find it fun, and it gives me an opportunity to catch up with people I haven’t seen in a while.

I don't know who William O'Connor is, R44, but you do you.

I decided to return to Raytown to impart my 5 decades of showbiz knowledge to up-and-coming young talent.

You think I didn't realize you're the OP, r46? Who's the dolt?

When they're good or even brilliant, it's not a chore. It's like going to see a movie or play because one of your favorite actors is in it. Thankfully, all my performer friends (true friends, not acquaintances) are very talented and I know that, even if the show isn't great, they'll be worth seeing. Now, a lot of my showbiz acquaintances...that's another story. There are quite a few I can't stand and would maybe even actively avoid a show if I know they're in it.

In the role of 'Inept Troll Who Fails at Derailing a Thread by Bragging About His Mistakes,' R48 get two thumbs up; that certainly was a performance; two lines full of fire and music.