Things Closeted Men Do to Avoid Having Sex With Their Wives

Being tired from working all day.

Play video games as female characters.

The wealthy ones golf.

Be very involved in yard and lawn care.

Drink

Fall asleep on the couch watching TV.

Man Caves

Smoke weed nonstop

Go on as many business trips as possible.

Walk the dog all night long.

Pretending to sleep when the wife initiates sex.

Showing no affection except for a short kiss and a hug.

Get involved in mentoring young men at church.

Encourage the wife to run for Congress

Based on the closet cases I've known, I think R5 has it

Let's face it, straight or gay, if it weren't for sex, men would hardly ever deal with women. And after a while, even sex doesn't matter and the who things just stops.

Funny, yet so sad. If homophobic parents could only understand that an accepting environment would actually protect their daughters from closeted cowards....

When I was engaged to a woman (directly after college) I used to eat out her pussy in order to avoid sticking my dick in! She loved it. After 6 months I broke it off realizing I couldn’t live with a woman, even if it meant giving up a very fat inheritance.

The sad part is that a lot of gay men usually love their wives and any resulting children, they can just never enjoy physical intimacy with her. Sad for all parties involved. But the homophobic shit I've read regarding Mayor Pete makes me understand why some men never come out. Straight women say shockingly awful things about gays.. They aren't all aspiring fag hags.

[quote] But the homophobic shit I've read regarding Mayor Pete

I thought you meant from the gay men on Datalounge who've decided that Pete isn't The Right Kind of Gay

Circumnavigate the globe in a balloon.

R18, straight men are more homophobic than straight women

Go back to school for Comparative Religion

R17, you’re a latent lesbian.

Go to the gym. A lot. At 4 in the morning.

From what I’ve seen, entertain lavishly and often.

Vacation only with others.

I enjoyed sex with my female partners immensely. I suppose that to avoid sex, one would only have to keep the other party in a constant state of anger and disgust.

"Do these pants make me look fat?" "You mean you don't know you already are? "

R18 Is it ok for a wife married to a closeted man to have an affair outside the relationship to get sex?

In general, when the bed is dead sometimes for years, is it acceptable to cheat for sex?

Cheating isn't always that bad.

Working late every day, then being too exhausted to do anything but eat, watch the kids for an hour, and fall asleep in front of the TV.

Read the Bible

Hire a tennis pro.

Move to a different bedroom because of snoring.

Buy the wife a boutique to run.

Act in movies.

And, between movies, tour the world with a spectacularly fabulous one-man musical tour de force!

Book more television engagements. It’s for work, darling!

Run for office.

Fine woodworking.

Keep her pregnant or like Elvis, say that you can't have sex with a woman who has given birth. Or like Rob lowe have a man there too.

R18 how can a gay man live his wife?

Go riding together often and pretend it’s basically the same thing.

Be very good to the in laws.

Volunteer for a lot of committees.

Get more involved in your church.

Some of them hide behind religion. Catholics, for instance, are taught that sex is only allowed for procreation. The husband doesn’t want more children; sex is verboten. That his wife uses birth control pills is irrelevant.

Get a note from your doctor stating you suffer from erectile dysfunction because in this case you do!

He’s very puritanical regarding sex with his wife. With men, he’s anything but...

Cook elaborate meals.

Get obsessed with molecular gastronomy and spend all your time tinkering with your home setup (I witnessed this myself).

He gives up sex for lent. Somehow, this lasts well past 40 days.

He’s bashful and very private about sex, due to his religious upbringing. He’s a good provider, though.

Keep busy posting hundreds of happy couple photos on IG until wifey finally asleep.

Start to dress and act like this.

Get a second job.

Go to the gym. Like really a lot.

Just pray a lot

Run for office

Mission work.

Hire Barrett Long and ignore the wife

The parish priest is one of his best friends. They go on retreat together.

Divorce and get remarried...to another woman.

They become priests. Problem solved.

Have lots of kids.

Be into cuckolding so some one else can fuck her.

Slap faces and cackle

Marriage is a practical matter. A man wants a wife and home, a woman wants security.

Become a wrestling coach. Tell her you're too busy helping boys learn how to wrestle.

Go on a lot of vacations. And hire a male escort to "carry your luggage"

Teach a night school course.

Become a GOP politician and pass lots of anti-gay legislation

Marry a dyke.

Hmmm.

This thread seems a tad, i dunno, personal, yes?

JFC.

Zzzzzzzzz.

Watch Fox & Friends in the morning. ‘Outrage’ TV and political pandering causes spikes in adrenaline and that’s as good as sex for some people, especially seniors.

Introduce him as your new best friend.

I don't think it is as hard as you think. After a couple of kids, working, cleaning up the house, etc. a lot of women are too tired for sex. And resentful about it.

Straight couples that have a lot of sex seem to be (at least what you see or hear in the media) a minority. I think there are a lot of married people in sexless marriages - and some of them are cool with that.

Tell her you want to become priest and have to be e celebate.

Tammy cruise

Go to the gay bars so you can preach to the sinners to tell them to change their evil ways!

Gamble heavily.

R65 my first thought was ‘Jay Mohr’. So yeah, that checks out.

Given that pretty well all the straight married men I know complain that their wives went off sex as soon as they had kids they probably just need to get that out of the way.

Alphabetizing his porcelain doll collection.

It can take all night.

R69 = Hank Azaria

Melania, what did your criminal husband do to not have sex with you? Does he grab you by the pussy any longer?

Growing a beard.

Hey, are all gay-men' wifes so sex-hungry? I mean I can live without it like forever. It always were my partners - men or women - who iniciated sex.

So if my partner only gave me a tiny hint, showing lack of interest, I'd say :"Ok, nevermind". It's our self-dignity, first of all. Clingy persons are awful.

If only there were a way to train yourself not to have a gag reflex, then little blue pills will take care of the rest.

In you experience, is there a ratio of a wife’s unattractiveness to her very wealthy husband’s attractiveness that indicates clear closeting?

Get involved in a time consuming and competitive hobby.

Matt Ryan's wife looks like.....Matt Ryan in drag

You vlog like your life depends on it, OP.

Become a Buddhist.

R27 is spot on... so is the other room/snoring suggestion. Also, create elaborate travel plans/outdoor trekking trips with "buddies" that you know your wife will never want to go on.

R90 “I snore so we need separate bedrooms in our enormous house” is the creative excuse Kevin Jonas uses.

Marry a old lady who won't want sex.

They probably say their wife is fat...even if she is thin.

Insist on separate bedrooms. Also works for gold-diggers who don't want to go near their elderly husbands

R70.

That pussy is safe.

From everyone.

Highly detailed model train operations.

Get engaged to a butch lesbian. Problem solved!

I don't think women would mind a separate wing of the house.

Go on a lot of remote archaeological digs.

R17 Being gay is about emotional and psychological orientation not about which hole you want to stick it in.

Going to Costa Rica with your "buddy"

Now I’m watching the JoBro documentary (that came out before Christmas), I actually feel a little bad making fun of Kevin Jonas.

Thr brothers say that when Kev was a little Gayling gymnast/pole-vaulter in grade school, other kids used to give him hell for it by homophobically harassing him. He got physically and verbally taunted every day for years, like many of us here. Kevin even tweeted about it a few weeks after the doc. It sounds awful.

Between that, pressures of fame at a young age, the evils of Disney and the mega-Christian upbringing (complete with controlling parents in Ministry), it’s a wonder he hasn’t killed himself yet. Still, at this point he’s an adult father so it’s on him to fight for his own happiness -especially now he’s in a secure place to do so. He must think crazy money and a crazier fanbase is worth the charade.

[quote] In a scene from Chasing Happiness, the eldest Jonas Brother explained how kids at school 'broke him down' and targeted him for being 'different': “I became a target. Kids are cruel at that age. They would call me gay, they would call me a f*g.... I remember coming home from school every day and crying...I never felt like I could find the place where I fit in. I never felt like I connected with anyone truly.”

R39 Some people's romantic and sexual orientations don't overlap... They can fall in love with someone without being sexually attracted to them. And romantic love is not the only form of love.

R103, I think that might be rationalizing internalized homophobia.