A guy I’ve been seeing breadcrumbed me today 🍞 🥖🥯

What does that mean?

Is you sad 'cause you keto?

breadcrumbing

You got a yeast infection, from a trick ??

I’m breadcrumbing a guy, so I feel (like I caused) your pain, OP.

:(

Last year, ghosting — suddenly cutting off all contact with the person you’re dating — was the move of choice for douchebags everywhere who no longer wanted to continue a relationship. And, somehow, things have gotten worse still: Breadcrumbing is the fresh way for daters to eff with the people who are expressing unrequited interest in them.

Breadcrumbing, defined by Urban Dictionary as “the act of sending out flirtatious, but non-committal text messages (ie "breadcrumbs") in order to lure a sexual partner without expending much effort,” equates to leading someone on. Don't do that! Don't be this duck either!

Breadcrumbers will send you sporadic messages, slide into your DMs here and there, or throw you a like on Instagram just frequently enough so you don’t lose interest, but not too much so the relationship actually moves forward. It’s a twisted, methodical practice that takes serious effort to perfect — effort that, seriously, WHY DON'T THEY PUT INTO DATING YOU PROPERLY?!?! Breadcrumbers have a sense for when you’re close to moving on, so they seize the opportunity to leave you a trail of breadcrumbs — or brief flirtations — so you don’t forget about them quite yet.

“These ambiguous digital crumbs are enough to remind you that the person is alive, and may even hint at a future meet-up,” says Refinery29, “but never get to the nitty gritty of whether they actually want a relationship.”

So, why do people really breadcrumb? Well, that's like asking why people are terrible — there are lots of possible reasons. “There’s breadcrumbing when you’ve broken up with someone but you don’t want to let them go; there’s breadcrumbing as a way of keeping a dating prospect on ‘hold,’” the New York Times explains. “Or there’s breadcrumbing as a kind of game: when a person is ‘not interested in you, but interested in themselves staying relevant to you.’”

Because of the seminal role that technology plays in the modern dating scene, breadcrumbing can be especially infuriating if you’re in search of a genuine connection. Breadcrumbers waste your time and introduce a sense of falsehood into a rapport that you may have conceived as real. Emotional manipulation is not OK though, so the next time your cutie-pie Bumble match cancels coffee three times in a row but “loves your new profile pic!” try to move on to someone worth your time. I’d rather have my daily carbs in the form of a bagel, anyways.

Was his name Hansel?

No, Derek.

I know a Derek who’s a master breadcrumber. Hope you can move on quickly, OP

From my new found understanding, one cannot be breadcrumbed in one day.

How could it have happened “today” Op?

Am I incorrect in my understanding?

I've been in an … Entanglement, with somebody who is like a super breadcrumber. Sounds pathetic when I type it out but it's true. Breadcrumbs on steroids. I'm depressed and not in a very good place and have been clinging to this horrible non relationship. I deserve better but I almost feel like an abuse victim who can't seem to get away from this person.

R10 is correct.

A note, R10. This kind of diffident “have I misunderstood?” crap is not DL style. Just call OP a fucking liar.

My neighbor's dog tinkles with excitement every time he sees me (a reflexive reaction known as submissive urination).

I'm just saying.

I sometimes do this, I need to stop. I just either feel bad, or want to give feelings a chance to develop. But it's lame and I need to do better.

It sounds awful to be you guys. The crumbed and the crumbers.

Ghosting, breadcrumbing,....all this nonsense in the social media age is just ridiculous.

People, do yourself a favor and when people start playing these stupid games with you, block them, delete them, and do not let them back in your life. They will do nothing but drive you crazy and waste your time.

Maybe he's just not into you.

So basically breadcrumbing is being a cock tease. New word does not make it anything new.

I don’t give a damn about your bedroom olympics!

Sometimes people just have a lot going on, or they are already spread too thin with people or other commitments.

Yes, I'm being crumbed. Gave up the chase months ago, wrote it off, but still the crumbs come. it's quite good bread, I'll give him that.

He's just nice enough not to be blocked. So now I just humour my crumber out of curiosity. He'll get bored soon enough.

would you expect anything less from somebody named “Derek?”

R14 what's that supposed to mean??

* R22

I was “bread crumbed” over the course of a year but I always knew it would never amount to anything. For him it came out of a need for attention & I was quite frankly bored. I was still seeing people while it was happening so it wasn’t as if I was waiting on a pier for him to sail his boat in.

Once I stopped giving the guy attention & he realized I had moved on completely from even entertaining him he got worse. Then eventually he went away.

I ran into the guy a year later and while in the middle of asking me how I was he stopped, randomly apologized for it apropos of nothing (which I was happy about because it was nice to have it confirmed verbally) & asked to be real friends.

This all sounds like very normal, healthy-minded behavior to me. Even if everyone you surround yourself with is a good person, the world is still a messy, loose-ended, unfair place one can easily can navigate without proclaiming, "I'm a victim of breadcrumbing!"

Articles like this are sad because I think impressionable kids and the mentally infirm read them and take them seriously.

I love the part that says, "Watch for laziness!"

LOL! I'll say...

Breadcrumbing is an M.O. among fuckbuddies. It is what it is. Have enough guys breadcrumbing and you find the sex you want.

R28 = breadcrumber

people paying irregular attention has always happened.

this meme is stupid.

I have been breadcrumbed by a hot guy at AA if that is even possible. But this explains a lot. I was hoping to "13th step" with my "crumber" so I guess karmically, its all wrong anyway!

Breadcrumbs?

Someone is giving you breadcrumbs and you’re complaining, OP?

I condole you.

this is a heterosexual phenomenon.

seriously---"breadcrumbing"=men not being forward and/or charming enough for women. there could be dozens of reasons why he's communicating that way, but there's a tendency to want to write others off as "hopelessly defective" in our increasingly narcissistic, ADHD-inflicted society.

anyway, i don't think a guy can "breadcrumb" another.

[quote] but there's a tendency to want to write others off as "hopelessly defective"

Based on your lack of capitals, I just did it to you.

Gay guys totally breadcrumb each other. Gay sluts (like myself, in my younger years) are often in the mood for the hot NEW fuck of the day. They will breadcrumb "old reliable" fucks holding out for the new and exciting. Only a foolish slut would have a hissy fit about this, because sooner or later one gets the repeat business.

Gurl - you give homos a bad name. Whining and becoming a victim, which apparently is a favorite activity in our community. Unless you're 13 years old, you come off as someone who is very annoying and you will likely go through this rejection a lot - i mean A LOT!!!

After reading this, I've realized I've been breadcrumbed for the last three years in a non-sexual way.

[quote] I have been breadcrumbed by a hot guy at AA if that is even possible

Rofl! You poor thing.

It's one thing to be breadcrumbed by someone who isn't an addict, but to be BC'ed by an addict? I feel sorry for you.

And R10, you're absolutely right.

I was going to post what you did, right after I read the op's declaration, but I didn't bother doing it.

Breadcrumbing seems to be more of a process, rather than something that happens in a day.

However, I suppose the op left out that he had been strung along for some time, and just today his "breadcrumber" threw him a bone.

Silly GenZ and Millennials don't really understand proper grammar anyway, so it's not worth the effort, trying to explain it to them.

Breadcrumbed?

Did he shoot a beguette up your asshole or something?

I’ve got a lovely eggplant if any of you with breadcrumbs would like to come over I can whip up an eggplant parm for a nice dinner. Please bring some wine also, as it sounds like you have that in abundance as well.

You have to have a stable of fucks listed in your "ho phone". They used to call it your 'little black book'.

So do yo have to have already fucked to be breadcrumbed, or if its "cock teasing" it's only for guys you haven't actually had sex with yet?

[quote] Silly GenZ and Millennials don't really understand proper grammar anyway, so it's not worth the effort[bold],[/bold] trying to explain it to them.

Those who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw extra commas, er, stones.

[quote]Gay guys totally breadcrumb each other.

I'd strangle you for using it as a verb.

Yeah, no. I’ve never done this. If I’m not interested in a second or even third date, I’m pretty upfront about it. This is why I always pay my own way when at dinner, a movie, etc. I even drive myself to the date and back. Why risk being stuck with a bad date?

OP, there are 2 ways of handling this: either make a decision to no longer engage with this person over text, SM, e-mail, phone calls, or face to face time, or tell him that you want to see him again, yet want to know if he shares that desire.

Either way, take responsibility for your own life, including dating and sex. Be direct, yet diplomatic about how you communicate, because tact and diplomacy are still necessary, in order to communicate effectively, and respectfully.

Either way, the one in charge of your heart and your cock, is you, not some dude that has unresolved codependency issues, hence communicates in a passive-aggressive way, rather than being a straight shooter.

Don’t waste your time with this bullshit, OP. One day, you won’t put up with it at all, because you’ll have matured to the point where this is unacceptable. Do what I did, when I realized this little epiphany in my lates 20s: fake it ‘til you make it. Pretend you are already the type of person who doesn’t play games and fuck around with the emotions of others, & your own. It’s not easy to master at first, but eventually, you do. It doesn’t guarantee that a few bad apples won’t make it into your basket, but that will happen less and less, as your boundaries get stronger.

I knew a girl who was breadcrumbed.

And then she died.

R46, was her name Cookie?

Just wondering.

I'd egg him, then throw him into a greasefire, OP.

Call, text, e-mail all you want, the breadcrumber doesn't care. The breadcrumber will send you a friendly holiday text for Thanksgiving or an emoji for Halloween, but they won't be able to chat.

When they do respond, it's infrequent. They like to know you're there, but they won't engage. They leave you little breadcrumbs so you keep following them.

"Can't chat now, very busy."

"I don't know what's going on next weekend".

"Things are crazy right now."

"Super busy right now"

"Let me check what's going on this Thursday"

"It's been crazy at work"

"Great to hear from you. Keep in touch".

I know that at keeping someone at arm's length.

You wanna stay hip? Sure, let's call it breadcrumbed now.

I wish someone would breadcrumb me.

Had to smile at R50, as a clear fellow breadcrumbee. All those phrases are obviously from the Basic Breadcrumbers' Manual, so familiar are they. It's funny, as it can only last so long - and then deserves Ghosting. Breadcrumbers are one of the types who totally deserve the latter. They feed on needy attention: deny it!

Getting no love here...

R6 that could have all been summed up in two lines

A.K.A. Love Kernels... stringing you along. Rebecca Bunch knows.

R50, I had a friend who did this to me. The only time she ever reached out to me was to borrow money, if she needed a ride somewhere, or thought I’d buy her lunch, or something along those lines.

She was really a cool girl in many aspects, but she was also incredibly selfish and self centered. Eventually, I stopped replying to her texts. What was the point of replying? If I asked her if she wanted to hangout, there was always a reason why she couldn’t, and if I suggested we speak over the phone, rather than text, she’d tell me she was on the phone with someone, somebody just came over, or whatever. Finally, I was like, “This is ridiculous. If I don’t accept this kind of treatment from men I date, then why accept it from someone who is a friend?”

If I ever see her again I’ll be nice, because I’m not angry at her. I just found that any type of effort from her to maintain a friendship with me was based on money, rather than actual friendship.

Some people are highly transactional. Personally, I’m not into it.

Here comes DL’s editorial “team”, @ R56! LMAO.

Ban that cunt to Coventry.

Omg R50 and R53, looks like we're all in the same boat!

R50, you really nailed the lines.

These people are sociiopaths. They don't want real friends or lovers, they just want followers.

On Facebook, on Instagram, etc.

It's like they're celebrities in their own little minds.

I don't know if this is breadcrumbing, but I "dated" three guys in a row who would get very involved with me. Say they loved me, which I always bought. Lots of hugging, sleeping together with no sex, no kissing. The third guy who did this to me (or should I say let him to it to me) told me that he loved me too much to have sex with me). By this time my head was totally fucked up - my God, am I that ugly and unappealing? I managed to extricate myself from the situation and it never happened again. Went on to a normal dating and sex life and eventually met my partner with whom I'm still with after 20 years.

You can breadcrumb these people right back. Respond in a delayed fashion. Put less emotion into your response (compared to the breadcrumb you received). Normally, I don't like to go tit for tat, but this was somebody I needed to deal with and couldn't just cut out of my life right now.

As a gay guy, I don’t like to go tit for anything.

R60 that sounds like Gaslighting to me.

Omg, so a "breadcrumber" doesn't want to be in an Official Relationship™ with you, but doesn't want to banish you from his life, either. In other words, you're now loosely part of each others' outer social circles, maybe with the potential of becoming occasional fuckbuddies. Cry me a river. The world isn't black and white. If I had to banish everyone I've fucked & didn't date from my life, I'd probably have to move.

That’s not what this conversation is truly about, r64.

The conversation is about communication and being honest. It’s not about casual sex or lack of interest. It’s about immature assholes who cannot communicate freely with others because they’re either callous, and lead people on just in case they need a service or a thing from them later on. And then there are those who don’t really like you, yet seek you out, out of loneliness, and use you to fill some void. Sex addicts do shit like this. As a matter of fact, many people who engage in this behavior are addicts or alcoholics. It’s a weird way to engage the world around you, and I don’t know why people would want to even communicate with people they don’t really like, other than to use them.

[quote]either make a decision to no longer engage with this person over text, SM, e-mail, phone calls, or face to face time

It’s called FaceTime, gramps. 👴🏻

When I've realised that I've been relegated to someone's outer social circle, ie, breadcrumbed, if I am not happy with it, I just dump them.

OP, I'm sorry that happened to you. How long were you seeing each other? How did you realize you were breadcrumbed?

Hello R53 and R59, I am R50, yes. after one friend and two guys did it to me, I learned the common signals and the common responses. The responses are All neutral passive statements.

As soon as someone sends me "Hey, things have been crazy around here" OR "There's a lot going on". OR "Keep Me Posted" OR "Let me find out what's happening this weekend" I stop responding.

Other examples or bread crumbing are when you receive communication from someone out of the blue after two months of radio silence: An emoji for Valentines Day or HAPPY ST PATRICKS DAY or a meme of some obscure celebrity / movie.

R61 has the right suggestion. In my opinion, I'd recommend not responding to the breadcrumb once you realize what's happening. If you really want to respond , then wait two weeks.

R64, I'd agree with R65. It's not that the breadcrumber doesn't want to be in a relationship, it's that the breadcrumber initially leads someone on just a bit, just enough to seem like they want to be friends (let's get together sometime!) or there's a sexual or romantic interest, but there isn't any follow through on their side. The breadcrumber really has no interest in a person except when the bread crumber is lonely or bored or hungry or needs something /someone for a little while.

R63 is playing with someone's head. Making them doubt themselves.

Saying, seeing or doing something, then denying you said / saw / did it, but also being adamant and angry.

Making plans with someone then denying you made plans, then being angry (and getting angry) that the other person thought you made plans.

Saying you love someone then denying you said it, then being dismissive of that person..

Whoops! Sorry, I meant to type R63, "GASLIGHTING" is playing with someone's head. Making them doubt themselves.

Saying, seeing, …..

Apologies to R63 for the mistake.

STOP USING BREADCRUMB AS A VERB BECAUSE IT ISN'T ONE!!!

‘Tis now, Laddie.

R72 is correct. Breadcrumb is a verb now, just like ghost.

He strung me along breadcrumbingly until I finally got the message.

This thread is breadcrumbingly dumb.