To those of you who were spanked growing up

It's hard to say... It's all how the punishment is handled... no matter what the punishment is... it's the humiliation and the emotion that needs proper handling. The spank or the time out or however it is done is the least of the issues. If the kid is made to feel like a bad person and it's left like that, welcome to your nightmare of self esteem issues.

I got spanked once or twice but it was a spank... it hurt, but it wasn't painful, it was a hand. I am not sure spanking is so awful. But I knew kids who in reality were whipped. That's abuse.

I despise parents who spank. It accomplishes [bold]NOTHING![/bold]

Both of my parents spanked me. They didn’t beat me. They swatted me. A few times, my dad gave me pretty hard open-hand smacks on my ass. And they told me why and left me in my room to think about what I had done. I was a hyperactive kid, and I was pretty mischievous—I remember that well. My mom had a theory that the scare of a spanking was a way to work the adrenaline out and calm me down when I got to be too much to handle. I always have felt like that actually makes sense.

My father’s southern father made the kids get a switch from the yard to be whipped with. If they brought one in that he thought was too small, he would go find one that was larger than usual. But my father and his sister remember their father very fondly, as a totally loving person who did the best he could for them.

My mother had an extreme temper, but she wasn’t violent—she had tantrums sometimes, would curse and slam doors. My father is the most placid, easygoing and the kindest and most giving person (not only to his family) that I’ve ever known.

I think maybe if my father and his father had less kind natures and more disagreeable personalities, I might now think that spankings are inherently traumatic. In my case, they were not. My father always demanded that my sister and I respect our parents. And we did. As adults, we did become more like friends, except that we always referred to our parents for their wisdom. We never had any fear of either of them, and we always knew that (as children) if we did something to violate our family’s *values* then we might be spanked and then have to hear about why that happened and what lessons we learned. As we got older, we always knew that our parents understand we make honest mistakes and we were never afraid to tell them anything honestly.

My mom was my best friend and I lost her two years ago and still can’t think about her without crying, as I am doing now. I’m blessed to still have my dad and he is my favorite person in the world. Spankings did not traumatize me.

Improverished poll. Your dialogue is about your youth of hazy oldy worldy days. Spanking here and there was OK in the 1930s, when you grew up, OP. And in the late 60s for me. But now it's not. How about you put 2 brains cells to your poll conception, next time.

Impoverished

I lost my mother last year, r3, I sympathize.

r4: Hasn't your day pass expired yet? You want the asylum goons to come take you forcefully?

And another thing, r4: I was born in the early 70's.

I didn’t get formally spanked. I got slapped in anger, like on my legs as my mother chased me. It pissed me off for sure.

Getting spanked as a child let to my spanking fetish as a teenager and adult.

see how people raised in the 70s and 80s behaved as a child compared to kids now? A "time out" is worthless. Spanking can be necessary. All but two of my straight friends don't spank. the two that do - those kids are completely behaved. You almost never HAVE to spank a kid - knowing it CAN happen (do you want a spanking?) is enough for most kids to pull brattish behavior together.

Occasionally but not often. Open hand not punch but again not frequently. Sometimes my mother would have crazy episodes where she would just be screaming and raging. A few times she would get physical. And she would constantly say grossly inappropriate things. I believe she had clinical logorrhea, though it's decreased a little bit over the years. Hilariously, both my parents were opposed to psychiatric drugs because it "numbed " the personality.

I don't think the few times I was spanked did any lasting damage . But truthfully the negative stuff that happened outside the home did massively more damage than anything my mother did.

I'm not too keen on the idea. When very young, some will claim it may not be traumatising, but I'd rather not take my chances if I were a parent. Could it also cause a fetish for spanking? I don't like the idea of either TBH.

I was slapped more than a few times. It wasn't such a big deal. I was intentionally being disrespectful, and I deserved it each and every time. I think having a child take his trousers down is getting into weird and humiliating territory. Some may argue both are equally bad, and there's no difference really. I'm no expert, and thankfully childless. I have never struck someone else's child in my charge, nor ever did I have the urge.

My parents hit me growing up and that plus their yelling when I did things not good enough or not at all definitely lead to me having anxiety and depression as an adult (that I still deal with). I do believe spanking can be effective, but I would do it very minimally. I think the most important thing for me would be to teach my child that just because I am yelling/hitting them, doesn't mean I hate them or don't love them, just that I know they can do better. As a very sensitive child, I found the way to "earn" my parents love after they yelled or hit me was to be a good kid. In my parents culture, apologizing to your kid isn't really a thing so they would never say "sorry for hitting you". I think this negatively shaped my attitude towards parental/authority figures to this day. I'm working on it.

Who was the comedienne who had that line: Who says never strike a child in anger? When am I supposed to strike him - on his birthday? Christmas?

I blame it for my needing to incessantly spank ‘it’—and wanting to be spanked.

Do wire hangers count?

It’s led to my wearing Spanx under my caftan.

I got smacked less than 5 times as a child. And boy did it deter me from doing whatever I was doing ever again. Kids today are monsters.

It does make it easy to pick up twink bottoms wanting a little light discipline. So I approve.

I'm black, and my generation, 90s babies, were all spanked growing up. But the difference between my mom and my friend's mother, (single parent households) is the lesson behind the action. My mother gave me enough rope to hang myself. She knew that I was a smart aleck that could push her buttons and I knew when I was stepping out of line. Before my brother or I were beat (as in with a belt not punches or anything) she gave us the reason, did the deed quickly, then made us go to our room. By the time dinner or lunch rolled around she acted as if nothing happened, plus I was acting right. Even if I was still pissed, I couldn't help but match the normal cheerful attitude she'd display. Now that I'm older I think the fact that she could forgive and move one was a key factor. I knew she loved me and I knew why I was being punished. This was rare because my mother's word was the law, and she was a fair warden, lol.

I stayed at one of my friend's homes and his mother would take out her personal frustrations on him or his brother during their ass whoopins. Afterwards, things didn't seem settled because their was guilty, exhausted and fear permeating throughout their home. Sometimes these flair ups would happen 2 or 3 times a day. It was madness to me! I understand that everyone is doing the best they can with the cards they were dealt, being a parent isn't easy. My mothers mother is a tough love type of woman, that left my mom questioning what it means to be loved. So she always made us know that it really did hurt her have to discipline us. I didn't believe it then, but I see it now.

I think every child should get one good ass whoopin. Especially the way kids act in public. I don't believe asking little Johnny to do something more than once is acceptable. You are a child, they are an adult, not your damn friend, when they say jump you best jump! Because when life gets real and you need to listen to your parents there may not be time to argue.

My father beat me. It's the reason why I hate his guts and why i might uncork a champagne bottle when he dies.

We’re in a weird time in a weird country.

Children are violent even to one another. Beating is abuse, but spanking is not necessarily abusive as long as it is done to arrest attention and to curb bad behavior, and accompanied by communication that explains that so the kid knows exactly what is happening—that they are suffering a consequence for something consequential.

Disciplinary violence that inflicts a little short-term pain but no lasting damage is taboo in the US today—and meanwhile, kids are bringing semiautomatic weapons to school and blowing one another away, often because of tormenting peer violence that goes unchecked by adults in their schools. Nearly every single movie features casual gunfire and shows no consequences coming from it, and all entertainment features gratuitous violence and no one even realizes it because it’s so prevalent.

We forbid discipline but culturally worship lethal violence. I’m not suggesting film violence causes real-life violence, just pointing out the fucked up sensibility of regarding spankings that are done to teach children (often to protect them from themselves) as inexcusable while absolutely fetishizing terroristic violence.

Around age 12 I called my mother a bitch, and my father slapped me across the face. I can still remember the look of shock on their faces, my mother turning to tears and my father to a defensive position. Was he defending his wife's honor? I have thought long and hard about it over the decades and I carry no resentment. There were seven of us growing up and I had a brother who was spanked when he played with matches. That's about it, though there was *a lot* of being grounded or no allowances given out. To this day I believe I deserved it which probably makes it easy for me to have no hang-ups about it, but boy I will never forget it.

R3 and R20 than you both for sharing your stories. I was raised very similarly to you both; however, R20, my growing up years were in the 70's. I've never begrudged either of my parents for spanking me. I have to remember that my parents were raised in the "children should be seen and not heard" eras; despite that they were very fair, loving and caring folks and were really invested in their kids. They were just trying to get through the daily struggles the best they could.

There is a huge difference between discipline and abuse, and yes, there are adults that do not know where that line is and they do abuse their children, tragically. But I think most parents are reasonable and sane and would probably love to spank their kids once in a while if there wasn't such a modern day stigma attached to it.

I loved getting spanked as a child.

Spare the rod, spoil the child.

Did I live in fear of a spanking? Hell Yeah. Did I push the boundaries of what I could get away with? Hell yeah. Was I terrified when the spanking was coming? Hell yeah. Was I humiliated when it happened in public? Hell yeah. I was never "beaten." I was spanked. But that was discipline. The Principal was allowed to spank you in school, and that was a big deal. I would absolutely allow the administration to spank my child.

Spanking is a must with most children...if the adult is acting like an adult and not like a child having a temper tantrum.

Can I "ship" R19 & R25?

Just remembered what an adult told me once when I was a kid: "Know why your parents spank you? Because your brains slipped down to your butt and they had to smack it back up again."

Here’s my theory: there’s a window where a swat with an open hand is okay. There are circumstances where I think it’s okay.

If they’re too young to understand, it’s useless. And once they have some reasoning skills, you have to use your words. But some kids do not understand until you tie that action to it.

Many toddlers bite other people. It’s totally normal behavior; they don’t have a way to express their frustration or anger. It’s a phase and it passes when adults give them the tools to express their feelings. But for a time, all they know is a “violent” action. Spanking is kind of the same thing.

But it really is best to give them the tools and space to use their words. I have a kid who’s highly-functioning on the autism spectrum, and she has no trouble speaking about her feelings, ironically. She will say “The way you said that hurt my feelings and made me uncomfortable. I don’t want you to do that anymore”. And people think that’s Very Weird. She goes to school with kids who smack each other upside the head as a way of communication. So I don’t know.

Got spanked. We’d get two swats and a lecture.

More kids could use a good spanking.

'Pank me, mommy!

There's different degrees of spanking. A few seats on the butt with an open hand are very different from welts with a belt.

[quote]Got spanked. We’d get two swats

I was “spanked” and this is not what it was.

My dad would either take off his belt or get a “switch” and take me into my parents’ walk-in closet. I’d have to pull my pants down to my ankles and he would proceed to yell at me while beating me about my ass and legs. Sometimes he left welts.

So when people ask whether I think kids should be spanked, this is my frame of reference, not your “two swats with a hand” example.

My father THREATENED. My mother hit me on the ass with one of those wooden paddles with the red ball attached with a rubber band which falls off after one use. The threats were far more intimidating than the paddle.

Decades later I asked my mother, why didn't you just take privileges away instead of smacking me? She said she didn't think of it. The paddle never worked. I didn't like it, but no mental (or physical) scars resulted.

It was more the threat of being spanked - my mother had a stick and all she had to do was reach for it. I do remember being at the wrong end of it once or twice. One such occasion I was an imp in church and got dragged out of church into the parking lot into the car and got spanked when we got home. My brother, sister and I used to plot on how to hide the stick :) My own children were swatted a couple of times - something I don't feel great about because I wonder now if it was more the result of me being tired and just pushed too far. Kids need and want limits but spanking doesn't seem right this day in age.

Spare the rod, spoil the child! These little shits today are so fucking annoying.

R35 similar to me and it was horrific. I am no contact with this parent now. I hope they get abused the same way in a nursing home.

Horrible way to raise a child. It's a fucking beating when it's like that. It's not spanking and anyone who defends it ought to have it done to them! I have so much anger brewing inside of me as I remember.

R32 here. We had No welts or marks ever. Spankings were more about some quick pain and the talk about why what I did was wrong (even if I thought it wasn’t wrong).

I should add that a lot of my paddles were for being mean to my younger brother and sister. THEY were the ones who should have been disciplined. It was like someone picks a fight with you in a bar that gets physical and the police arrest YOU. But THEY STARTED IT!

My parents spanked when I was a small child, and it escalated to physical violence (getting slapped in the face, pushed to the floor, kicked, and choked) starting from age seven to when I moved out of the house. I don’t think a swat on the butt with a flat hand really traumatizes a kid, but it can also be a gateway to physical abuse for a parents with a tendency to get angry and lose control.

Positive discipline can work really well if a parent is consistent and willing to be strict. I spanked my own kid once and found that it was ineffective at correcting his behavior and made me feel like shit, so researched and implemented positive disciplinary methods. I wanted him to behave not because he was scared of physical punishment, but because he understood social expectations and had the skills to get along well with other people. It meant understanding bad behavior triggers (like being tired, hungry, or overstimulated), and removing him (and myself) from situations where he acted up. Our lives were pretty restrained for a few years in his early childhood, but he’s grown up to be a respectful, pleasant kid.

[quote]My parents spanked when I was a small child, and it escalated to physical violence (getting slapped in the face, pushed to the floor, kicked, and choked) starting from age seven to when I moved out of the house. I don’t think a swat on the butt with a flat hand really traumatizes a kid, but it can also be a gateway to physical abuse for a parents with a tendency to get angry and lose control.

I remember being spanked with a belt a few times as a child, but not what infractions led to the punishment. A good belting wasn't enough to satisfy my Dad, however, who later took to swatting me, open-handed, on the side of my head and knocking me halfway across the room. The worst occasion was after my bike was stolen when I was 12. Had my grandmother not been present to stop him, he may have done permanent damage. Decades later, I can still vividly recall that day.

I was from time to time. Taught me not to F up. It was always controlled and never abusive. There was also always a talk after the spanking. Telling me what I did wrong and how I could be better. I remember writing letters to my mom (I was always sent to my room after the spankings to think about what I did wrong) saying how sorry I was. The spankings hurt, but they taught me stuff. I ended up being a pretty good kid. But I'm a late Gen Xer. It was a different time. Now it's all time outs. I hope it works out for the kids of today.

Public bare-assed spankings are so hot.

"Spare the garrote, spoil the child" is the way I always put it, r38.

Yes. I always resented it. Had to forgive for my sanity.

There is no context in adulthood (where I live at least) where it is acceptable to 'correct' someone's behaviour with violence. That's what spanking is. Or whatever euphemism you want to call it.

Why should children by at the mercy of an adult that uses violence?

How about a 2 x 4 across my bare 14 year old ass. All the guys saw the red welts when we stripped after phys ed for the shower.

Not happy. My step mother pushed my father into doing that. Im still pissed some 60 years later.

Oh yes, the spankings were always bare-assed. And pants were always pulled down around my ankles for better coverage.

My parents got married very young and had a very tumultuous relationship from the beginning. This, plus the fact my father's culture ( Hispanic) basically instilled physical punishment for children as a form of discipline, mean I got "la correa" or The Belt from a very young age. As a 3 yr old little girl I was terrified of my father, and didn't understand that my father's frustrations over the bills, their marriage, or what the fuck ever, had to do with me. My mom finally walked when I was six- I thought for good but returned when he *promised* not to do it anymore. He did stop *that* but my innate fear never went away completely, nor did his drinking and yelling. Now I'm an adult with my own kids and you could literally count on one hand the times I *spanked* my kids. I had an absolute revulsion to it naturally, but did reserve it for discipline for the most egregious situations- fucking around with the neighbor's yard; waiting till the NIGHT BEFORE a book report was due to read the damn book. Yeah, I do think certain situations call for it, maybe. My husband has his own deal- he doesn't tolerate my boy's disrespect of me -along with their fondness of 4-letter words- and it earns them a bonk on the head 3 stooges style. Needless to say, I never left my kids alone with my dad when they were younger and rowdy. Some nightmares never die.

I don't feel abused, because our spankings were rare, but I do have a flat ass now.

I think it is fascinating that if you physically attack another adult, you can go to jail. But if you beat your kids who are small and defenseless, well, that's ok. They are your property after all.

I was whipped like a field mule as a child. My father said that it proved his love for me that he DIDN"T swing the buckle end of the belt at me. Burying him was the happiest day of both my mom's life and mine. I buried my rage with him 35 years ago. Never wanted to get married, never wanted to have children. I may be damaged, but I deal with it.

Oh, and once he wanted me to understand what the buckle felt like and I ended up tattooed with belt buckle welts. He wanted me to know the REAL pain he could inflict. A reason I am an atheist. Think of me when it happens r21.

I always loved getting spanked by my father.

When I was young a single swat on the ass with the hand. Didn't happen very often. Later it was sit on the bed with nothing to do.

Jr. High school the principals, shop teachers and gym teachers had paddles and would use them for a variety of offenses. Mostly one swat. Maximum of three swats. The worst that I saw was two guys who were throwing tennis shoes at guys on the trampoline when the gym teacher walked in. He gave them each three very hard swats. There asses were beet red later in the showers. Another guy was caught snapping towels in the shower and got a swat bare assed.No one did any towel snapping after that.

In the sixties, I had 'bare-bottom' spanking at my kindergarten. I was aged four.

I wanted to kill her for decades.

Nowadays it would be considered pedophilia.

" We're so disappointed in you." Much worse than any spanking.

My late Father beat me with his hands, his fists, his belt, broom handles, 2x4s, slammed cabinet doors into the side of my head.

A slap, swat and spanking would have seemed a kindness in comparison.

I often wonder if feeling my dad’s hands all over my ass, and the leather belt slapping against my skin helped form my daddy, leather, and spanking fetishes.

Spanking in public/abruptly is never okay- a parent needs to be in a healthy headspace.

But spanking is definitely good for kids.

Further proof that the majority of DLers are ancient and blue collar

Reminded me of this.

Actually we are ancient and overly educated. Plenty of advanced degrees here.

Blue collar, you jest.

Most DLers self-report coming from lower middle class or blue collar backgrounds, regardless of where they are today.

Spanking should only be used as a sexual fetish.

I wish I could get spanked now!

My dad used to whip/spank my half-siblings but never me. I remember seeing their butts lined up over the sofa and their crying. My mom tried to spank me once and I just laughed at her, she said "you're not supposed to like this!"

I do kind of like being spanked by a hot top, not really hard, just a little bit.

I did horribly in grade school for a multitude of reasons and my father felt hitting me with a belt for bad grades was the solution. It wasn't, it just made me hate him. He never considered putting down his beer long enough to help me with my homework or even take an interest in my childhood or my schoolwork.

I was a good, very shy kid who never got in trouble so that is the only reason I ever remember getting spanked.

[quote]take out her personal frustrations on him or his brother during their ass whoopins

This is the thing, for me, at least. I knew by 3 when a "spanking" was deserved, out of proportion to the purported offense, or undeserved. I could sense there was something else going on in their lives and I was bearing the brunt of it. It made me feel sorry for them.

Yes, I got spanked. It made me react non-nonsensically, and while I myself did run out to the middle of the street to dance and sing, once, while smashed on Grey Goose, that, in itself, was not a product of spanking, however, the circumstances that got me to that street, drunk, might be.

Did I develop substance abuse because I was spanked? Can’t confirm yes or no, but I’d venture to guess that it didn’t help.

Spanking is a way of communication. It is aggression and violence, in response to an action produced by the person who is spanked. Corporal punishment is a way of communicating an inability to negotiate with the other party. It is an offer of ultimatum, rather than agreement. So here how that works, eventually, I, as a child, will always know that if I break a rule, I will be spanked. However, what I do not know, is why breaking that rule, is not desirable. Is it dangerous, am I putting someone else in danger? Is stealing 20 dollars from my mom’s wallet bad because she liked that particular 20 dollar bill? Or was that her last 20 dollars, that she needed for gas, to get to work the following day? Who knows? Spanking me never answers any of those questions. So guess what? I have no valuable reason, to not take that 20. I know what to expect. A spanking. Is it worth the spanking? Well, that’s a decision I can now make, because that spanking will either be worth 20, or not, and depending on why I believe I need that 20, I’m not the one who gets to assign value, not the spanker, who is now out of 20 bucks, and isn’t getting back, no matter how much they spank me.

Teaching children values by communicating with them, is much more economical than expending energy on a spanking, that your kid is no longer afraid of.

Never took a 20 from my mom, btw. She gave me pretty much anything I needed and wanted. Money wasn’t short in supply as much as actual care, attention and affection were. Much worse than getting spanked, is having a mom who can’t hug you.

My mother likes to tell the story of her southern mother telling her to go pick a switch and coming back with a tiny twig - it didn’t end well.

My own father used a brush - My mom’s big 80s paddle brush. I vividly remember him calling me and my little brother into the guest bathroom and pointing to the wad of gum struck to the side of the wastebasket. He asked which of us did it and we both denied it (I totally did it) and for whatever reason, he chose my brother as the culprit and spanked him so many times with that fucking brush. I cried and cried while he spanked him, but I would have rather died than admit I did it. He probably left right after to go on a drug binge and my parents separated about a year later.

He was/is an asshole and I have nothing to do with him.

R71, your brother needs to give you a bare-assed spanking.

I only got spanked when I misspelled "mischievous".

I'm in my early 30's, so I guess I caught the - ahem - tail end of the big spanking thing. I remember it stinging a bit, but looking back, I'm pretty sure I had it coming. I don't ever remember being spanked so much that I couldn't walk or had welts or anything and it was always a last resort. I never blamed my parents for it, because when I look back at my childhood, I always smile. If it did a lot of damage, I doubt I'd be looking at my childhood in such a positive light.

i wasn't spanked. i was outright beaten, bare-bottomed with a belt, in a weirdly ritualistic way by a total psychopath. he used to make me go to the corner of a room and make my nose touch the wall. it wasn't as damaging because he wasn't my real father, so i could rightfully hate him without any mixed emotions. while the beatings occurred, every flinch would make me think of how to repay him. what a way to give a kid a personality disorder.

it wasn't the beatings that actually did the most damage. it was the psychological abuse (let's call it what it was--absolute terror) that reigned in that house over everyone, at all times. you could easily tell this even if you had never met the man nor been in our house, because if the phone rang and someone said "he's coming back" it was like terrified animals scrambling around in a place they couldn't escape.

my mother spanked me a few times, mostly at his behest. these were actually MORE damaging than the outright beatings, even though my mother made sure not to hurt me but made it look good for optics. she would say "i am doing this so HE doesn't do it", but the damaging thing was that his punishments were always for arbitrary reasons and thus unjust, and my mother participating (she was also his abuse victim) in this unjust situation was extremely scarring. i knew she did not have much of a choice, but in my mind it was always like "why aren't we LEAVING this place instead of going along with this?" i don't know where i got my sense of right and wrong from, because that environment was totally backwards from the way a good home should be. somehow, i just knew that this violated unwritten (moral) law, and i didn't even know the word "morals".

i think there is a clear difference in swatting a kid to make sure that they don't engage in something that is truly harmful for them, in a non-violent way. think of a toddler sticking objects into the electrical socket--you can't reason with a toddler. but you can shock them a bit and make sure they know it is NOT ok. i am talking a swift smack on a diapered behind, enough to startle and not to harm. other than that, i do not sanction it. you should be teaching your kid and not scaring the shit out of them. there is enough to be scared about out in the big world. one shouldn't be scared to go home.

Getting your ass spanked--that's a punishment?

some of you frau's need therapy.

Oh, dear, R77.

Some of you need to take a 6th grade English grammar course and properly learn the difference between plural and possessive.

There are a lot of bad ass kids these days that could use a good spanking.

Poll: Most Approve of Spanking Kids

Spanking has its place, most Americans say — but not in school.

The public by a 2-1 margin approves of spanking children in principle, and half of parents say they sometimes do it to their own kids, an ABCNEWS poll found. But an overwhelming majority disapproves of corporal punishment in schools.

Sixty-five percent of Americans approve of spanking children, a rate that has been steady since 1990. But just 26 percent say grade-school teachers should be allowed to spank kids at school; 72 percent say it shouldn't be permitted, including eight in 10 parents of grade-schoolers.

All children require a ton of discipline BUT disciplining a child does not have to involve spanking. When I was a child, complete strangers often complimented my mother on the perfect behavior of her children, and she NEVER spanked. EVER. Fighting children were separated and made to go to their rooms after apologizing to one another. Screaming or squirming in public were handled by a firm grab of the arm with a little bit of fingernail dug in and a warning look. More serious transgressions merited a lecture, in which guilt figured high. "To think that my precious child, whom I carried next to my heart for nine months and love so deeply, a beloved child of God, could behave in such a way is truly disappointing". But this kind of training has to begin VERY young, and has to be applied consistently. Good parents involves repeating lessons over and over and over. Like the cartoon in which the father is wagging his finger at his daughter and saying, "Now I'm only going to tell you this....ONE MILLION TIMES".

The defect I see in a lot of current-day parenting is that the parents give the proper lesson. ....but that's it. They don't repeat it one million times. You can't tell a toddler it's inappropriate to run around a department store screaming and expect that lesson to stick. You have to repeat it over and over again every time you're in public. (After the aforementioned grab of the arm with a warning look). You can't tell a child to say :please" one time when he asks for something. You have to say it one million times and demonstrate perfect manners in your own behavior, both to the child and to everyone your child sees you interact with for it to "catch".

A child who is spanked learns lots of horrible lessons. Might makes right. Dishonesty pays. (Blame stuff on other people). The best way to get attention (positive or negative) is to do something bad. Hitting others is an acceptable form of communication. (My mom hits me and says it's to get my attention, therefore I can hit other people to get their attention). Do as I say, not as I do. When your dad hits you as he says, "this is for hitting your brother ", what kind of bizarre message has he just sent you? People will ask non-spanking parents, "aren't there any circumstances in which you'd feel spanking your child is the best response?" Would anyone ask a gay man, "aren't there any circumstances under which you'd think the best response to your partner is to spank him?".

Spanking is a very primitive kind of discipline, suited to jungle living where a loud and misbehaving child might bring a tiger into the hut or let an enemy know where to aim his spear. It's not suitable for people who live mostly urban lives in the 21st century.

We would get punished by my dad after my bi-polar bitch of a mother would run to him and tell that we knocked over a lamp or something. She did it to prove that he loved her or something. If he didn't act right away she'd start nagging, getting louder and louder til he grabeed the belt or something.

I hated her and hated him for listening to her. People should be judged on their behavior, and "forgiveness" is not really a word I use. Reap what you sow.

R78, I've noticed that's a problem with youngsters today. Is it the public schools?

I grew up in the 70s and my mom spanked us. When she would get really mad and angry she would usually wait until she calmed down to spank me. But on occasion she didn't and then I just saw her red face all screwed up spanking me (I turned around and looked) and I would laugh and laugh. I don't know why I just thought it was ridiculous. This led to her breaking various spanking objects on my behind. Which made me laugh more. Boy I was a pill.

She stopped the spanking when we got to Jr. High age. Then it was taking away privileges (usually TV, or going places other than absolutely required by her: school, church, etc.)