Gay couples where one is clearly "the man" and the other is clearly "the woman"

Definitely more common with lesbians — think Ellen, Rosie, Cynthia Nixon.

What you're describing seems to be a bit of an outdated premise. Most gay couples I know work equally and both participate in household duties. That's not to say that it doesn't exist, I knew couples in the 80's where this rang true but I just don't see it in the present as much. I live in LA so I do see a lot of actors with more gainfully employed partners but I wouldn't consider that to breaking down into 'male' and 'female' roles.

Its cool, everybody's different. Some people just end up in that dynamic. Some guys want a male wife.

I wouldn't know. Why are you asking?

R1 Same.

R1 Same.

My thought is that making a big deal about it (or a thread) seems somewhat anti-gay, negative, and judgemental. If we're purely referring to masculine or feminine gay men, not necessarily traditional sex roles/egalitarian chores, I would say opposites definitely often attract. I don't like putting people into boxes, and I do not share YMF's penchant for "classifying" people.

I find the idea that with a gay couple, that one is the “man” and the other is the “woman” utterly offensive. It misses the point that gay in itself means that the attraction is to another man. Why is it so hard to understand that there [italic] is no woman [/italic] in the gay male relationship. I’ll slap the next fool who asks me or my gay husband “Who is the woman in your relationship?” unless they’re referring to our mothers-in-law.

I don't know any couples like that.

That's been my experience too R2-like I noted, most guys I know are more best friends/equal partner, which is why it's always odd when you do meet a couple where one is fairly masculine and has a serious corporate job or owns a company and the other is femme and either stays home or works in a fairly basic job.

Do people really ask you that R7? In 2020? That's bananas!

I agree it was more of a thing in the past. In the '80s and '90s I knew drag queens whose boyfriends/husbands paid the bills and bought their drag while they did the cooking and cleaning.

Today it's more of a fetish—I've read online about "manwives" in gay versions of the "taken in hand" and "domestic discipline" relationships that are popular with loonier Dominionist Christians and the alt-right.

R10 No silly, YMF is asking us here on this bloody thread. I happen to be masculine, (former rugger) but enjoy cooking. I don't believe certain interests or chores are really male or female. i.e. If I were a lesbian, I should think I would still like old cars and tinkering with them. I don't think any of my partners have been extremely femme, but I have supported a slightly younger partner once. I could afford it, and I never saw him as a "housewife" either.

YMF seems to always be classifying people like specimens of some kind. I just find it a bit odd. My brain doesn't work this way.

That Millennial friend goes on my nerves. E.g. I also don't like that this moniker gives an impression that there are mainly just posters in their late 50s, 60s and 70s on here. I don't find him intelligent, educated (not speaking about degrees) or other things in that realm. I also find his comments often disproportionately and exaggerative.

"Thoughts?"

You're an idiot.

Obviously, W did leave some children behind.

[quote] I've read online about "manwives" in gay versions of the "taken in hand" and "domestic discipline" relationships that are popular with loonier Dominionist Christians and the alt-right.

And other things I've learned on Datalounge today.

I know very few gay male couples like this.

I know far more twinsies than "husband/wife."

I think you should mind your own business!

The concept itself is obnoxious. Men in a couple may have different personas, and play different roles in a relationship, but even if one is more “passive,” he’s still a man. And passivity is not exclusively a “feminine” trait, either.

So, one is the little homemaker and the other takes out the garbage?

[quote]I also find his comments often disproportionately and exaggerative.

And YOU are going to criticize MillenialFriend's grammar or "education?"

Quelle ironie!

Yes to twinsies! I know couples who look more like brothers than they do with their own brothers

Well said R19. I don't consider those terms oft enough.

I just think there is a natural dynamic that forms in a relationship where one partner is more of a "caregiver" and the other is needs to be taken care of. I know a gay couple where one is very fastidious, organzied, and bossy and very very...dare I say it... GAY!. The other guy reads "straight" when you meet him, but he is more passive and follows orders. So, to me it's more a power dynamic, then one playing a male role and one playing a female role.

I’m the flower and he’s the gardener.

Ever seen a gay wedding where one guy is the groom and the other a bride in a wedding dress?

Ever seen a lesbian wedding where one woman is the bride and the other a groom in a groom‘s outfit?

There is your answer.

Is OP Dave Chapelle?

Then Who is the top and who is the bottom. I am guessing the "wife" is the bottom.

Ask Ernst and his 6'6" husband.

[quote] Ever seen a gay wedding where one guy is the groom and the other a bride in a wedding dress?

Never

[quote]Ever seen a lesbian wedding where one woman is the bride and the other a groom in a groom‘s outfit?

All the time

Ask me what, R29?

Ellen DeGeneres & Portia DeRossi. Ellen's wearing pants; Portia's wearing a dress.

I’m the 2000s it seems like most couples are either younger older or damn near twins around the same age.

To answer OP’s question, I have no issue with those Pete/Chasten relationships. It’s how they choose to live their lives. There are times when I like to put on the domestic goddess apron and play the housewife role, ideally my man can be a great host. To the outside it might seem like that’s our defined roles, but it’s all about what’s going on, nothing is 100% defined.

I don't understand the question..

Jeepers, I really don't understand why this post pushes so many buttons.

I a definitely more in touch with my feminine side than my partner. I knit, sew, and do most other handwork. I collect antique dolls (German cloth 1900-1930, not Barbies). I belong to several organizations where I am virtually the only man. At church, I can usually be found in the kitchen. I read constantly. I enjoy foreign films.

My partner belongs to the Masons. He is much more machine oriented: car, snowblower, lawnmower, etc. ( He actually will not allow me to use any of his "machines") He rarely reads. When he does it is typical thrillers: David Baldacci, Nelson Demille. He likes movies with lots of explosions and frat boy humor. He cannot dress himself and is a disaster when he attempts to mix patterns.

On the other hand, he does all of the cooking. We both enjoy theater, musicals, and opera.

But we do have our roles: I do the rose garden, he does the vegetable garden.

FYI, I look like Hagrid. He looks like Bilbo Baggins

Everyone is different. But lesbians are more different than others.

Let's call them the receptive partner not a woman. That's not a vagina the man is putting his cock into.

R36 Handwork? Antique German Dolls? Hagrid?

YMF is a condescending fuckwit, in everything he writes.

R39, yup. Quite the picture, no?

R40 I couldn't agree with you more.

At times, he even comes off a bit as a high functioning Aspie doesn't he? Everything black or white, when people are not like him, or defy his categories, he immediately labels them as odd, strange, or inferior. It must really give him cognitive dissonance when unique individuals do not fit so tidily into the boxes he's created in his twisted little mind. We're all simply insects in a specimen box to him.

The more often a gay guy hangs out around straight chicks, the more likely he is prone to ending up in one of those mock hetero relationships or ending up "straight guy obsessed" and thinking that he's like a male girlfriend (oxymoron). I don't know if it's emulation or brainwashing.

R43, Nice try. I did a report on my doll collection in third grade. In my case, it has nothing to do with hanging out with straight chicks.

I rarely ever see this in gay men but it does happen. I have a few friends who are in relationships like this, and they're all incredibly masc tops who only date femme bottoms.

It's a psychological thing, I think it has to do with internalized homophobia, but I'm not sure.

Just about every gay male couple I know seem evenly matched as far as masculinity is concerned. I honestly have never known a male couple with a very masculine guy with a very feminine guy. I'm sure they exist, I just have not met any.

I think this syndrome is much more prevalent among lesbians, which has always baffled me.

Albin et Renato

r42 absolutely a high functioning Aspie

Has anyone seen the latest episode of My 600 Pound Life? They feature a lesbian couple. One of them has a VERY DEEP voice and dresses like a man. I wonder if she's trans?

When I was a teenager I worked in a store and a couple would come in. They were regulars and it was female-male relationship but she was a total butch lesbian and he was a total flamer. They had small children and she obviously had the dominant "male role" and he was the "mom" of the family. I thought it was odd and wondered why but to each his own.

R7 "anti-gay" for posing a question? Bitch, please. Lighten up.

You know, the saying "butch on the streets, femme in the sheets" applies to lesbians (IMHO) even more than it applies to gay men. So watch how you classify who the "butch" one is.

I would bet my last nickel that Portia is the "top" in that household.

R51 Calling a man a woman, simply because he is gay and possibly femme, or engages in home-making tasks/roles, and doesn't hold an "ambitious" position outside the home, is anti-gay and homophobic no matter what you care to scream at me in your ghetto blaccent.

Save calling bitch for your contemporaries or "homies". I'm clearly not one yours.

I would never trust a femme with home-making tasks/roles, unless I wanted the theme of my house's interior design to be glitter and leopard print.

R54 Funny, but I don't believe it always works out that way. Many "homemakers" men, or women hire decorators or designers. More stereotyping courtesy of Datalounge.

R54, please enter the 21st century. Chances are you would get chalk paint, owls, and "Keep calm and..." wall stickers before leopard print and glitter.

So, tell us OP (YMF) are you more "the man" or clearly more "the woman."

I know guys who were "kept" but other men but they weren't super feminine and didn't do any housework

R58 They sound like grifters or in the least very lazy, messy people to not even help with tidying up, or simple chores. A little over ten years ago, I had a partner who went back to school at thirty years-old, he was almost a decade younger. Though I didn't consider him kept or a housewife, he certainly did help out with more than his fair share of running errands, and chores like tidying up, dishes, laundry, and walking my dog. He didn't pay me any rent or have any income, so I suppose he was fully supported. I was awfully lucky, or got my money's worth compared with your mates!

When there’s a difference like this it’s only natural that partners occupy different niches

^ Handsome couple they are.

My husband does most of bread winning, but I'm more of the creative type and I do get paid for my work, but not once every month like clockwork. I do clean, take out the trash, walk the dog, etc. while he's off at work, but he's the better cook. Every relationship is different.

Kept boys are typically not femme and typically not homemakers. They are momentary boy-toys for those who can afford it, the relationship is always solely carnal, and they tend to either get tossed aside or retire themselves to another man.

R52 Many women in hetero couples/marriages "wear the pants" as well. Many a strong woman holds a house and relationship together. Very often managing the finances as well. That definitely doesn't make women weak or passive in all cases either, even when they do not work outside the home, or hold down a high status occupation.

R63 "Boys" perhaps with very old men, but again you don't want to sound like YMF, as in there only exists certain types, or set-ups. Several gay men with money who are not old have had partners like R62, or my ex, in that their partner has more resources or earns/has enough for both. I'm fond of R62's last sentence.

those queens look like first cousins. creepy.

R66 YMF and his partner?

R63 : or they get a girl pregnant.

The most femme guy in my high school is apparently a top and his husband is def the bottom. Idk how it happened. He was very girly.

What works for sex doesn’t necessarily work for relationships.

While I would seek out clear roles for just sex, I could not date those sexual stereotypes long term. They are fun for sexual things though.

Jeff and Joshua Rohrer definitely fill the bill.