What is the pretentious title of your autobiography?

“A Caftan Named Desire”

Worse Than Hitler

Memoirs From an Elder Hunk

I Said Too Much

It Is I

A heartfelt coming of age and coming out story for our modern times.

I Deigned

Me

Every Gift, Only Gap.

It is what it is

The Happy Architect: Love and Building

Ennui: a Survivor's Journey

You're Fucked! A splendid tale of a gay man's search for the perfect ass.

“Condole Me Not”

[my name]: A Life of Quiet Dignity

Not mine but I thought Martin Short's was pretty funny:

I Must Say: My Life As a Humble Comedy Legend

THE BEAUTIFUL AND THE DAMNED

Icon

Telling You NOW, so I Don’t Have to Tell You THEN

A Mouthful: My Truth

The Horse's Mouth

"The Weight Of Words"

Shifting Through The Sands Of Time

parLAY

Jacked to the Tits

Golden Girl

Presenting: The Hole Me.

BORN VICIOUS!

What's It All About, Alfie

"But Wait, There's More!"

This Will End in Tears

Doodles. Musings from moi.

They Called Me San Juan Capistrano: Swallows Galore

Open-Ended: Come Inside

My Life—Nothing to Sniff At

Yes, It is Big!

We Are Not Amused

I’ve Had Sufficient: I’m a Whore No More

Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows: My Story

Confessions Of A One Night Stand

The Night David Sedaris Kissed Me

Registered Subscriber

My Ass For the World To Kiss.

Verve!

Venom!

Vivacious!

I'm like Shelley Winters, I need at least two, possibly three, volumes to contain my life. Maybe I'll do a Samuel Pepys and write ten.

Almost Perfection

"C'est Moi!"

Let's Have a Kiki!

"The Somnambulist"

"I Loved Me"

Prolapsedy In Blue

"Eat Shit And Die In The Gutter: My Life As A Bitch"

It's Harder For Me

"Lather Rinse, Repeat"

My Lay of Wife

First in Show

A Simple Life Beautifully Told.

My Thing of Beauty Is a Joy Forever

Singular

This Is Why They Hate Me

Meltdown: A Radioactive Life, a graphic novel memoir. I grew up five miles away from Three Mile Island.

"Walk with Me, Talk with Me: Don't Leave Me Here Alone"

“The Simulacrum of Quotidianity”

"If These Balls Could Talk"

The Adventuress

Yes, it is I

"Oh God - What the FUCK have I done with my life?!"

“Misty Water-Colored Memories: The Way I Was”

Vivian Vance.

A B C Dee: The Alpha Bitch Reads Them All

By HRH Dionne Warwick, as told to Damont

Up High on the Down Low

"Ma vie fait de la vie un enfer"

My Weigh

I Won't Bore You With The Truth.

Too Young For An Autobiography

Your Err is Human, My Forgiveness Divine

My Journey of Humility

It Is Tomorrow

Morality? What?

Jesus Wants Me Badly

I’m a Whore; So What?

Nobody Does It Better

I And Tina

Just Ride It Out

Me: My Journey Through Life

Low Life Story

I Tried To Tell You All. My Story Of Sending Truth To The Gay Community.

Squeeze Me

[italic]Ugly in Pink: Confessions of a Giudice Girl[/italic]

The Cheese Stands Alone....

It's Ma'am, Asshole!

A Life Worth Repeating

High Level Interestment

A Fiery Magnolia Growls In Washington

Puke, Curse, Hate

Into the Mild - A life of suburban desperation.

Depravity's Rainbow: The Story of a Troubled Gay

A Memoir

Real Gone With the Wind

Be Gentle, You’re My First

Dear Lord in Heaven

You Can Only Wish You Were Me

Cornbread N Rainbows

Growing up as a gay hillbilly

R96: “I Put the Zest in Zestos”

Occupant.

Is That All There Is?

I Was a Gay Tween Slut

A Hole in One: My Life as Jazz Jennings.

I've Never Been To Me

I Know Why the Cagemeat Sings

How Moist Was My Mussy: Diaries of Kenneth Earl “Momma” Wilkins

"I Can't Get No Satisfaction"

Will There Ever Be an Evening Before?

A Me Grows In Brooklyn

Everything I Know About Life I Learned From Faye Dunaway

Where the Boys Are by Kevin Spavey

Aaarrrrhhh Fuck!

NEVER Just Say “Feed Me”—My Visits With the Queen(s).

It Was Better In The Old Days: My Life in the Datalounge

A Boy and His Frau

Verificatia of Life: The Dream That Died in a Grease Fire

Oh Dear: My Life/My War for English Among the Illiterates

[bold]Fuck Me Harder[/bold]

Mein Camp

"There..I said It.."

It Wasn't My Fault! Fingered at Fourteen

Untucked: A Themoir

I'm Telling You NOW So I Don’t Have To Tell You THEN.

To All The Cocks I've Loved Before, And All The Ones In And Out My Hole.

R120 meet R18

"and the"

[italic]every word she writes is a lie, including “and” and “the.”[/italic]

If You Didn't Know, Now You Know

I Never Ate Corn

The Makings of a Varsity Athlete

Slovenly Trollops I've Known

The Mother Was Right: the Smartest and the Prettiest Boy on the Playground.

My Little Skinny African Wedding

"Empty Stalls"

My American Anus

Vixen: Story of a Ho Man. It would be nothing but a vulgar collection of perverse sexual acts that are sheer and utter filth!

My Life On The A List

Steely Dans - I want a new toy.

The Leather Ran Smooth on the Passenger Seat

Sore

Lost Splendor

Analingus: The Life And Times Of A Gay Man Living In A Straight World.

Call Me By My Name !

"Oh, You!"

Slit

Before the Grease Fire...

Amongst my chandeliers.

You mean... the little people?

Calling Out Stupid

“I said Good Day, Sir”

From Punch And Delete to LOL

The humble story of my outstanding contributions to social media.

"Blonds On Heroin"

DROWNING IN PLEASURE: THE RAGING ORGASM THAT HAS BEEN MY LIFE

Taco Flavored Kisses

My First 2,000 Men

Stuffed- Adventures in eating in black and white

Fat Cat- by a person who couldn’t walk away from the food bowl

At least I tried- sometimes trying isn’t good enough

Fat fuck

My favorite food is pizza: a brave memoir tackling carb addiction

Read this before it’s a miniseries

Burning Bright: My Life As A Supernova

Be Not Nobody~My Curated Life of Sheer Delight

It isn’t easy being pretty.

R147, I love that line in Tootsie.

Bakla Ako. Ikaw?

The Soothing Sounds of 1001 Voices -- In My Head

{italic]I Heard a Cry of Anguish from the Crepe Myrtle Tree: Tales of Southern Neurosis[/italic]

Memoirs of a Gaysian

You think that’s pretentious, r162?

4-H New Jersey Farm Boy, A Fabulous Tragedy

Cunt. The story of ME.

My Many Many Many Naked Pastimes

“All My Comorbidities”

How I Managed So Much Winning

"You Can't Prove It"

“Per My Last E-Mail...”

Red Lobster Reveries and Olive Garden Fever Dreams: My Life as a Fat Whore

A JOCKSTRAP IS ALWAYS WELCOME: My Story

Twaddle

Either "the damned don't cry" OR "It seemed like a good idea at the time"

Hung in the Heartland

At Least I'm not a Jew

A Tell All by Sugar Tits

A Hiss Before Dying

[bold]Triggered!: My Life as a Perpetually Banned Data Lounger

Call Me Muriel: The Unmasking of the Mysterious Webmistress by Andy Cohen

Excuse Me Miss

Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Beautiful

Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Beautiful

Better. Stronger.Faster.

What’s her problem?

Oh, Shit.

To Corn Starch

I did it MY way!

This has got to be the funniest and cleverest thread on DL - ever. (No, that's *not* the title of my autobiography.)

You Like Me! You Really Like Me! x

ElderBottom, TwinkTops, and Surprise Anal: My Next Chapter

Golden Memories and Showers: Tasting the Bitter and the Yeast

A Bundle of Sticks Memoir of a Faggot

I've revised book title:

DON'T Call Me Muriel: The Unmasking of the Mysterious Webmistress by Andy Cohen

Don't shit in my mouth and tell me it's soft serve.

The Tails of My Existence

Grease Fire Walk with Me

Queen for a Gay

It Had to be Me

Itinerant Hobgoblin

" A Cataclysm in Repose"

Are You There Gays? It's Me, Madge.

La La Land! - And Everything ELSE I've Learned From Faye Dunaway

"I Don't Mean to Hurt Your Feelings, But . . ."

"Splish, Splash, You're Wardrobe Is Trash." - My Years As An Above Ground Pool Boy

Lmao r194.

"With all due respect to all parties involved..."

“You’re All Trash: My Life Among Hoi Polloi”

"Ever Looking And Going Down On You"

How I Got To Be Perfect

Some Manacles for Leibowitz.

Vallis Lacrimarum

I Didn't Call You Fat, I Called You Fatulous......and Other Lies I Told to Unattractive People

Scissoring With Runners: Life As a Locker Room Tramp

"I'm Not Angry. I'm Disappointed"

Mount Me If You Must

There’s Something About Hairy

The Dick Has Its Own Reasons

Scent of a Woman

People Say I Look Straight

I’m Prancercising as Fast as I can

This is It

"If I Can Be Brutally Honest: A Life Telling The Uncomfortable Truth"

Presenting Whole.

The Icon of the Universe

"I'm Getting Away With It"

Who Would These Fardels Bear?: My Life and Hard Times

Scandal and FOLLIES

Seemed like a good idea at the time

Come Again !

Love, Be Tender With My Fanny

The hole with all the secrets

Splendor In My Ass.

Fat Whore

A Southern Belle Goes To Washington

Filling All My Holes

I Just Farted...Again

You could never.

A Tight Garrote, A Loose Stool, A Short Life, A Long Shadow, A Mother Fucking Mom, and A Fucking Father Dad

Wipe ...back to front .

Bloat/AfterBloat

Don't Fuck With Me Fellas, This Ain't My First Time at the Rodeo

I came, I saw, I hissed

Get Thee To A Bakery

I have always depended on the kindness of strangers (amongst other things)

Banished Was I

"A Most Humble Man"

“It’s Not About You; You’re Welcome”

“Gypsy get out of my way”

Behind the Caftan

TREMENDOUS: the Patsy Stone Story!

Autobiography

“Diary of a Tasteful Friend”

If I Did It

Of Me I Sing

Jealous, Bitches?

WW

“For Whom the Pillow is Bitten”

“That’s What I Wanted...”

My Life On the Disco Floor. (My Name In Lights)

Je Suis

Yes, Hugh, the cookies are for smelling.

"You Are Me"

A Tree Grows in Bumfuck

Light In The Loafers: Confessions Of A Small Town Queen

It's My Turn, Bitches

Frankie: From Gloryholes to Greenwich Village

Clit: A Life

Diary of Anne Skank

I Love You; Leave Me Alone

SHE

I: A Life

Next to nothing.

What is the pretentious title of my autobiography?

Greif Has its Limits But Misery is Infinite: From ABCs to HIV

"Even I Would Want All This, and Heaven Too"

Caftan on a Hot Tin Roof

Je Ne Regrette Rien

“Coffee, Tea, Me?: A Memoir”

Stop, Sit, Listen: A Memoir in Three Acts

Me: A Dream, A Song, A Life

"I bet you think this book is about me, don't you? Don't you?"

Heels and Cigarette Stubs: Nightlife in the Fast Lane

Breasts: The Tale of Two Nipples

Group of One

My Pussy Stinks

[bold][italic]Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire[/bold][/italic]

"Underlying Health Conditions"

Postings from the Edge

"Recollections May Vary"

Me, My Being, My Soul

Skittered: A Wig’s Tale

The Intertwined Orange Orb

My Ass Was Everest

Presenting Hole: A Memoir

"Hard Times."

It’s Amazing How I Can Feel Bad And Look So Good

Trade, Thou Art Loosed

"It Wasn't All Cak and Graxy."

"Fanks For the Memories."

"Let's Be....ME."

Moi: The Untold Story

They Hated My Beauty

Emancipation: How I Became The Undeniable Me

Looking 20 at 50: All My Genetic Blessings

What He Sees In Me

How Chatreuse was my valley

How Chartreuse was my valley

Both titles on the same page to annoy the spelling troll

What a whore.

Behold!

"You Wish."

Beyond Batakas, My Journey Through Psychosis to Rage.

Skid Marks in Silk and Satin, one man's journey from the upper middle class to the mean streets

Empty heart, crowded bed.

I Rex

In My Wildest Dreams: Stumbling upon Success Over and Over

Wow, talk about fiction R312.

A Unicorn Surrounded By Serfs

Golden Child: A Role I Never Wanted

They Wept At My Beauty

What was all that about?

Lisha!

BETRAYAL: A Patty Lapone Life.

The Fussy Hussy

I, Slut.

Looser

Being Best

Remembrance Of Tricks Past.

Ass, And You Shall Receive

"Becoming"

Splendor in the Ass

I Told You So

Kurt Cobain is Dead, and I Don't Feel Too Well Myself

Trans Ally: Surviving the Minefields of DataLounge

The House Of Girth

Pale Grease Fire.

Travels with My Dick: A Memoir

Clutching My Pearls: A Life of Trials and Tribulations

A Cunt’s Life

It seemed like a good idea at the time....

Frolic! Frown! Fuck!

You Peoples!!

My Life in Skittles!!

You Only Cry When The Caged Fag is Dead!!

AfterSteve: They Can't Spell "Ache" Without "Che"

The First Word In "Meaningful" Is "ME"!

"Here, Bitches"

"Cracked"

‘Beyond Batakas’.

Hither and Yon: My Unintentionally Glamorous and Globetrotting Life

Giving Back: Overflowing with Compassion for Others

"Mom's Dead And The House Is Mine"

"Places I Can't Reach With A Washcloth"

"No Crypto. Cash Only."

“Flamboyantly NonDescript”

[bold],[/bold]

FUCK YOU

Pee-Wee's Big Adventure

Eat a Bowl of Fuck

I Expect an Apology: You Know What You Did

I've NEVER Drained Pasta: and I NEVER Will.

Too Sensitive For This World: How I Just Couldn't Take It Anymore

"Alas! I Am Dead - A Posthumous Rainbow Chronicle of a Life Well-Lived"

You're Not My Real Dad and You Never Will Be!

Not Without My Anus: An Instruction Manual

I Like Me

How to Disappear Completely: A Firsthand Account of Terminal Melancholy

Accidentally On Purpose

I've Run Out of Nice Things to Say: A Brutally Honest Life

Oops, I Guess You Weren’t Invited

The Cock Whisperer

"Overthinking"

Pôä.

Yes You Can Have My Stuff

All of this..

Drop Me off Here

[italic]Devastatingly Gorgeous: The Magic That Is Me[/italic]

Dark Meat: A Tasty Life

Positively Indecent

I Regret Nothing

'Tis Pity She's a Whore

I WHO HAVE NOTHING

I, Me, Mine

I Don't Know Her

Do I Know You?

The Marvelous Man in the Mirror

My Asshole is Fresh N Fragrant

"Splainin' : My Answers For Everything!"

I am a whore. Nah, I think, therefore I am.

100% That Bitch

¥e$ To £ov€: The David Burtka Story

Cup O' Strudel: Diary of a Viennese Whore

I’m a grand old fLag

Inclusive Bottom: Coloring With All The Crayons

The Nude and the Naked

To Those That Aspire To Touch Upon Greatness... I Charge More Than You Can Afford.

The World, Borne Unto Me

“Katharine Hepburn’s ‘Me: Stories of my Life’”

All My Gimmicks That Worked... and a few that did not.

“CafTantalizing Tales”.

The Keys to Life: How I Unlocked My True Me

The Nefertiti Within: How One Gay Man Discovered Their Inner Goddess

Best Friends Forever: Me and Me!

Invisible No More: How You Finally Found My Worth

I Didn’t Mean To Turn You On

I Only Look Important

The Man Inside Me

Before the Greasefire.

Dialing With A Pencil: A Metaphor For Life

Blessed

My Life as a "9"

The Gilded Bussy

What Are You Gawking At?

If You Only Knew How Much I Loathe You: A Gay Man's Journey Through a Straight World

"Todd" Is A Verb

“You’re Welcome”

A Lady And A Half.

What My Beauty Has Taught Me

Touched by an Angel...Named Me

"Recollections May Vary"

Been to Paradise. Been to Me. I'm Better.

I’m OK. You’re OK? OK.

Why I Changed My Name to Karen

You’ve Been to Paradise, but You’ve Never Been to Me. Sad!

I Don't Need Your Love. I Have The DataLounge.

Yep, It Stinks

Touched By a Small Foreign Faction: the Jonbenet Story.

Just Sayin'

"You Shoulda Kept Your Fucking Mouth Shut"

[Italic]- a hysterical kween's insight into snow removal rage crimes.[/Italic]

As per Jean Kerr: How I Got to be Perfect.

Bussygasms For Life!

Hawt!

Paris: The Memoir.

My Way of Life: The Best Advice is Unsolicited

Seeing Me Being Me

Lost Splendor.

Which I'm stealing it from Prince Yusupov.

"Thou?"

"Thou" is the archaic form of "You."

Why would anyone name their autobiography "You?"

OP, are you sure you know what that word means? I don't think you do.

You got "pretentious" right though. Nailed that one,

They whispered in his ear you cannot handle the storm. He whispered back, I AM THE STORM.

Spread Wide Open

Once Around the Garden

Orifice

Qui Etait Cette Cunte? C'était MOI!

Speaketh

Zips Up the Back and No Bone.

Hell Was 2 Cold

Crying as I type this

The Long Road Ahead

"Rhapsody and Requiem"

"The Man Who Went Up in the Man"

"I Shot Donald Trump"

All of this and more

How I Got to be Perfect-

Clinique fanatic

"Where's the Lube?" My sexy, slippery life...

"Malibu Barbra: Growing Up Streisand"

"The Rather Sad And Incredibly Boring Misadventures Of A Misfit Nelly Nerd"