Let’s be the Absolutely Fabulous episode where coronavirus infects Holland Park

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I am the faux-designer face mask that Saffy buys for Eddie in hopes that she'll wear it and not infect everyone else in the house.

I'm Eddie, crashing the COBRA meeting with Sadiq Khan.

I’m the champagne-scented hand-sanitizer.

Careful not to fall into any open graves!

I'm the coronavirus-infected potpourri. I'm the real cause of Patsy's sister's death.

I’m Bubble

I am Patsy Stone, amateur virologist. Don't question me.

I am Dame Zandra Rhodes, designing fashionable face masks, gloves, scrubs, patient gowns, curtains, and bedsheets so that you can shuffle off this mortal coil in grand, colorful style.

All my friends have Corona virus darling. ALL MY FRIENDS, sweetie

I’m Serge. I called my mother to tell her I was Patient Zero.

I am the store where Patsy and Eddie go to stock up on emergency supplies. As Saffy fills the cart with bottled water, disinfectants, and toilet paper, Eddie and Patsy throw it all out and replace it with champagne, cigarettes, vodka, smoked salmon and nibbly things. But in the end it doesn't matter, as Eddie forgot to bring any form of payment.

This thread is funnier than any actual episode after season three.

Are you sure it’s not Shepherd’s Bush?

I'm Beau and Marshall who are somehow making money from the coronavirus. Masks for celebrities, celebrity hair sanitizer etc.

I'm mother, who in the wake of June Whitfield's death, has been killed off. She caught the coronavirus at the charity shop she works at. Edina refuses to view her body in case she gets the virus.

I'm the Hermes scarf Patsy has fashioned into a mask and has tied around her mouth

Edina throws out all her Jimmy Choos and Vera Wang because she doesn't want to get the 'chinky chonk' virus

I'm all the gorgeous little Persian things Eddie scoops up from the dead in Iran. For the shop, of course.

I'm Lulu. Eddi will ask me to sing "Shout" at Mother's funeral. She won't have to ask me twice.

Sweetie darling, I have a brilliant idea, designer face masks! Chanel, Lagerfeld, Lacroix, Givenchy, Gaultier, names, names, names. It's a lucrative market. Versace hand sanitizer, Stella McCartney antiseptic wipes, Louis Vuitton monogrammed oxygen cylinders and Rolls Royce wheelchairs!

Knock at the door, Saffy answers to see two men in Hazmat suits...

"Pardon us, Miss. Is this Shepherd's Bush?"

Edina, falling over herself, "Holland Park...Holland Park!"

During London's inevitable run on sanitizer gel, Eddie panics and drags Pats along on a fruitless quest that takes them everywhere from John Bell & Croyden to a Walmart in Oklahoma. Remembering a segment on [italic]Loose Women[/italic] that advised combining rubbing alcohol and aloe vera gel, they end up improvising with the only products they could find: turnip schnapps from Oddbins and vaginal-tightening cream from an Ann Summers sex shop.

I’m the 80 proof vodka Pats is using to sanitize her throat.

I'm the Spice Girls, whose tour bus breaks down out front.

I'm Titicaca. I'm no longer allowed in the house.

I am the virus, I come wear a tiara

wearing....^^^^

Cipro for Lulu!

I'm the industrial size bottle of hand sanitizer that Patsy drinks thinking it will cure her but only gave her a mild buzz.

I'm the O2 which Eddie booked on a non refundable deposit to launch the updated hip hop version of My Sharona, by guest stars The Knack.

Can I say something? You can never have enough masks, gloves, and clogs.

I'm the Isolation Tank where Edina hides from the virus.

I'm Titicaca, whom Edina blames for infecting the neighborhood.

Saffy: Her name is Sarah

Edina: Coronavirus patient zero Titicaca!

I'm the scornful Jamaican nurse, hired yet again to care for Edina, telling her, "Dere you go agin, tinkin' dat I give a damn."

I'm Bubble, shrink-wrapped in a virus-proof plastic shell, with matching pink respirators for me and my little doggie. What are the symptoms again? Dunno...

I’m Harvey Nics, where Eddie will be stocking up on corona quarantine supplies

Ning ning ning. Nong nong nong make the Corona virus go away.

I'm the bottle of hand sanitizer Patsy drinks by mistake, because she thought I was a mini bottle of liquor. Of course, she doesn't even notice what she has done, because her taste buds no longer work.

I am Eddie trying to get in contact with the PR agency that represents the Coronavirus, because the Coronavirus is trending right now!

I'm the super limited edition designer face mask by Lacroix that eludes Eddie no matter who she calls and begs to get it for her.

I'm the bottles of Corona beer Bubbles pours into the sink, because she heard that they've gone bad or something.

I'm ... It's Coronavirus, it's madness! It's madness now! *shops close Friday*.

I'm Eddie's gay husband. I have no fear of the coronavirus because I'm already dead.

I'm the very special door handle from Italy, ordered by Edie and sent via same day courier. I am crawling with the virus, because I was shipped by a sick Italian artisan.

I am responsible for introducing the virus to England, and I was enormously expensive.

I'm Eddie screaming WHAT IS THIS - EASTERN EUROPE?

You morons need to read the whole thread before posting, you're posting things already said.

I'm Fleur and Catriona, spraying customers with aerosol hand sanitizer at Harvey Nicks.

Edina to Saffy:

Home isolation doesn't bother Patz now, does it darling?

Saffy:

Of course not, she hasn't eaten since 1972. Which means she hasn't shit since 1972. Which means she doesn't need food or toilet paper, her immune system has been so fortified by umpteenth strain of STI, drug, alcoholic beverage and every sundry noxious substance known to man that now she is completely immune to any virus or infection. Humanity will be wiped from the face of the planet and Patsy Stone alone will be left to scour the earth with only cockroaches for friends, which, quite frankly, is what she deserves.

Patsy:

Cheers, thanks a lot.

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

I'm Claudia Bing, and I have trademarked Covid19. If you want Covid19, you have to get it from me!

I am Edina, reversing course on the disease after Fleur and Catriona have a bout with the disease and come out of it transformed: "they're emaciated" as Patsy puts it. From that epiphany on, Eddina does anything to catch the disease, does charities in hospitals and quarantine areas, where she acts very promiscuous (but with little success as Pats puts it yet again), invites Titicaca over and licks her all over the body, skin and scars while blasting Madonna's Dress You Up.

Unfortunately this is not meant to be: she eventually finds out that she has a mutation of the Angiotensin II receptor which makes her immune to the coronaviruses and creates a foundation and becomes a public voice for the cross bearers of that hideous thinness-defeating mutation.

"Still donkey" as Pats puts it.

I’m Saffy’s play about it all: “Self-Quarantined Flower”

My good friend Edina [bold]does[/bold] have a hearty tweet-laugh about Trump's insanity in this crisis. Who can blame her?

I'm Kathy Burke and I don't give a fuck so long as the food is good.

I'm Eddie's bedazzled face mask. I'm on brand and ready for a Coronavirus themed party with all the big names on the guest list. But, as it turns out, all the celebs handed the invitations over to their help. But neither Eddie nor Patsy notice it right away, because everybody is wearing face masks!

I'm Patsy's Parralox supplier who can get her some black market vaccine (as well as other questionable substances) but only if she pays the right price.

I'm ICI, and thanks to Edina's 1950s childhood of medicines, chemicals, pills, injections, polio vaccines, bottled chemicals, and not being touched without gloves she now has lifetime immunity.

I’m the television in the living room with live news coverage of the chaotic events unfolding. When Donald Trump spews his garbage, Patsy angrily yells piss off and dramatically turns me off with the remote and storms off.

I'm Dataloungers being bitchier much earlier in the life of covid than might otherwise be expected - January 25, 2020!

I’m Edina and Patsy musing aloud about how much more savvy the significant the early days of AIDS were. How HIV affected all the cool people, but Covid 19 seems to only strike the irrelevant, politically stupid, and feeble.

Edina: “What 23-year-old gay designer from New York who just landed his spring collection on the cover of Vogue has his brilliant career tragically cut short after a night of no masks and not hand washing?”

Patsy: “Nobody!”

*Saffie places horrified masked face in hands*

Having locked themselves in Eddie's safe room with all the loo rolls in the house and a large supply of champers and vodka, Patsy and Eddie emerge from the most recent lockdown to discover that Saffy has sold the house, and moved on with her daughter -leaving no forwarding address. Eddie calls the police, but it is she and Pats who are booted from the premises. When no one they know will take their desperate phone calls, they are forced to live on the streets. Eddie comes up with a brilliant scheme to pretend that she is pregnant with yet another Boris Baby, but the plan falls apart when she discovers that no one cares. Pats saves the day by turning tricks in Green Park, earning enough money to keep them drunk all day.

How remote this seemed in January 2020

I’m Eddie, licking the gate at Madonna’s house when Madonna announces she has the rona.

I'm the voice of Jon Plowman behind the camera saying, "Keep blocking."

Eddie decides that she needs to take charge of all PR for COVID-19, and begins to hunt for the perfect name for the next variant. It needs to be something newer and more hip than those old Greek alphabet names. While polling in the London hospitals she contracts the virus -again. Pats is unaffected due to her blood alcohol level being too high for any virus to survive, but Saffy gets a very bad breakthrough case and ends up on a ventilator.

I'm every spoken "Sweetie Darling".

I'm the Smoked Salmon and Nibbly Things the characters with Covid cannot smell or taste.

I am Vulgar.

And I am Tasteless.

I'm the potpourri that they actually end up eating because they can't tell the difference.

I'm the charity event Edina is trying to put together. Lulu for Covid.

I'm the Princess Royal, who will be showing up to Edina's Coronavirus awareness wine-and-cheese fundraiser, instead of the more popular members of the BRF.

Sing “Shout (Masked)”, Lulu!

R12 is perfect but I feel like there should be an incident with a self-checkout machine and they just run out of the store with the carts filled with bottles of Bolli

This thread sums up how I never found the show funny.

The characters always seemed very ill-formed and everything they did forced... but was when they did ANYTHING.

Usually the episode just kept dragging scenes on repeating the words 'Sweetie, darling' until it reached its time, like a kid trying to get the word count up on an essay.

The Golden Girls and Little House threads were funnier.

I'm Marshall and Bo's anti-vaxxer rally.

I'm the guest-star-Betty-White appearance that will never be.

Lights! Models! Ventilators!

Just do your best, darling.

I’m Patsy’s excitement at a needle in the arm.

I'm Edina's two-part special where she searches for just the right vaccine -one that all the best people are getting. I mean, she can't just get any old jab in the bum!

I’m Patsy tricking Saffy into a visit to Dignitas on account of Saffy’s long COVID and exceptional life insurance with no suicide exclusion!

I'm Lulu. I will catch Long Covid from licking a plate.

I’m Bo & Marshall Turtle curing covid with faith-based Staylene. (We resemble Sidney Powell & Gen. Mike Flynn).

We were early on Covid’s impact here on the DL

It's going to go away... it is going away.