What was the first thing you shoplifted?

Gum. Unexciting.

Candy. I think it was a Hershey bar. Yes, I'm fat.

I’ve only stolen one thing in my life. It was a page torn from a teeny bopper magazine of Marky Mark shirtless in tighty whities with his pants around his ankles. I was still way in the closet and I didn’t care about the rest of the magazine so I ripped that page out and stuffed it in my pocket for use later.

It wasn’t this picture but probably from the same photo series

Who had time for stealing? I was too busy sneaking into movie theatres with my dollar store ju ju bees.

R4 Didn't you steal the ju ju bees? What are you, some kind of fag?

Me, never. But a couple of times, I went to Hahne's in Westfield with some girls I knew when they shoplifted Ladybug and Villager outfits.

R6 Wow! Shoplifting clothes! I'm impressed. I never had the nerve to try lifting something that didn't fit in a pocket.

A piece of tumbled dumortierite at a Christmas fair once, back when I was into crystals. The only thing I've ever shoplifted in my entire life, and it still haunts me to this day. 😑

That rush in the moment of getting away with it was incredible, though. I can totally see how people get addicted to it.

A couple of CD's. The power went out in our local mall while I was in Camelot Music, and the employees were scrambling to get all the customers out of the store.

R1 yup, me too.

I liked the Ladybug / Villager clothes the girls wore, especially the matching sweaters and socks. But I did not declare myself a girl. I just went out and bought socks to go with my (men's) Alan Paine and Pringle sweaters.

candy bar

Tube socks and a tube top at Jupiter (a Chicago dime store) during summer vacation 1975.

Apologies if I've told this before, maybe we've had a similar thread in the past. But for me it was a pack of cinnamon Certs. My 8 year-old self needed that Retsyn fix. Stupidly, I left them out for my mother to find, and I swear she lifted me by my ears while bemoaning LOUDLY my criminal nature. God only knows how long I was grounded for.

Never shoplifted again.

A pack of Starburst after a classmate told me how he regularly stole candy by shoving it down the front of his pants. The next time I was at the store I tried it. Didn't get caught, but never shoplifted again. I got no rush from it and just felt guilty about it later.

Big screen TV. Started out with 40-inch but worked my way up to 60-inches. It fits right on the bottom of the shopping cart. 🛒

I used to work as a cashier at a five-and-dime when I was in high school. I confess to once grabbing a candy bar from the display beside the cash register.

A few days before, the manager of the store had called all the employees in for an early Saturday morning meeting. He lined us up and told us to raise our hands if we didn’t like nuts. He was trying to find out which one of us opened a heart-shaped candy box in the storage area and left all the nut-filled chocolates. I was annoyed, so I later lifted the candy bar.

R16 That's not shoplifting. That's stealing. Yeah, it may sound the same - they're both theft - but it's not. Shoplifting has to fit in your clothes.

I started with the St. Vincent de Paul Donations for the Poor box at the church at St. Agatha at seven and worked my way up to Woolworth baby turtles to feed my dog at nine, jewelry at eleven and ladies' underwear at thirteen. I loved those bullet bras. Shoot those fuckers' eyes out. Bang bang.

Well, I guess from five I would pick up eggs and load them into my panties, but that was for the family breakfast. Mother loved eggs.

At fifteen I started holdups because that shoplifting is chickenshit and what's the fun if you can't see the cashiers piss themselves. Although I still pick up and tenderize steaks up my beef hanger walking home when I want a fancy cookout. Plus that meat keeps me cool in these hotter-than-fuck Baltimore summers.

What the fuck business is it of yours, asshole?

I shoplifted a small plant at Woolworths. I put it in my pants and didn't take it out for quite awhile. I think it was a ficus. Enjoyed it very much. (Both the shoplifting experience and the ficus in my pants.)

Powertool. (The video)