I'm lovesick and need advice.

You are mentally ill Darling

OP, travel to the house of this semi-famous and just show up at his door and tell him about your love for him. He will embrace you!

How old are you OP? If you are over, say, 22 you need to speak to a counselor.

OP - you are well on your way to being a stalker. If you decide that your target is secretly in love with you, you will graduate to being an erotomaniac.

At first I thought it was someone you knew, which is bad enough. Now I'm realizing you don't even know this person? Run away! (I mean that for everyone in your life)

It is not stalking if the person is famous, R4. It is just being an ardent fan. Go for it, OP.

Oh FFS, isn’t OP the mental case who was posting crap like this a few weeks/months ago?

None of you are helping. All you're doing is calling me names. R3 Maybe therapy will help. R4 That is my fear; that I will stalk. I have the time and the money which is scary. R7 Nope, this is my first time posting about this. What I am really looking for is anyone on DL who has gone through this...how did you get over it? Just some practical advice please.

OP- Good News, you're probably not crazy, though you are immature. It's not a character flaw. Your self-awareness proves it. That said, you need help. Probably professionally, but even a good listener would help. You recognize that this is "in your head". Talking about it will lower the intensity and you can begin to explore why you're, "baffled" and expending so much energy on a fantasy person.

As an exercise, write him a love letter and spill your guts! You might be surprised at what comes up. DON'T MAIL IT. Or you can hire an escort that looks like him and act it out. It will be spank bank material for life.

I once had a huge crush on a celebrity. HUGE. And I would go see every single performance I could even to traveling...with friends... to other cities to watch his show. Late one evening after a performance, we discovered he and his pals were going to a restaurant near by for a late supper. I was thrilled. and decided to go there and wait for him. He arrived with his entourage, he walked through the small gaggle of fans signing a few autographs, and then some girl wanted a selfie, and he shoved her away, told her to "pis off." I was shocked. I tried to ignore it. But when he got to me he gave me this withering look and a sneer, shook his head and refused to sign or anything. He wasn't just rude or tired or impatient. He was mean. I saw his cruelty up close. I was shattered. But I got over my crush, and I've never again attempted to meet a celebrity.

As a College kid I once wrote a long-form free-verse poem about a stage actor/tv performer I had a powerful fixation on for several months. I didn’t mention him or his work by name but I did lightly allude to it. I was quite surprised with how well it came out so I submitted it to national review on a lark & a dare (and as a distraction from my hopeless crush), and to my shock the poem got a commendation. I won a few more awards after that and soon forgot all about my intense crush by focusing on writing instead.

A year or two later I went back to watch some of my Muse performer’s work and all I saw was a plain, boring, average individual of middling intelligence who couldn’t even act. Maybe the secret spark of essential light I saw (or thought I saw) in him originally was something real, maybe it never was - it doesn’t really matter, at the end of the day. There are energies working through us which we don’t always understand.

Why don’t you try to use your feelings for this individual as a Muse, OP? Write a shot story or paint a picture or compose a song then polish it up and release it into the world. You just might speak to somebody in the same situation. This is what art really is and it’s true social use.

Just never attempt to make contact and show the person in question, obviously.

R9 Thank you! Yes, I acknowledge the immaturity and I'm sure if I could just talk to someone, speak my feelings out loud, I'd realize how silly this is and move on. I actually wrote an email to this person. R10 I wish I could have the same experience. I feel bad that your crush was rude BUT that discovery healed your ache. I would like to find out this person is a jerk. It would actually help me.

R11 Wow. I am actually writing a story around this person! I'm hoping that at some point, I will see him just as you saw your Muse. I did contact him via email -- using a false name of course -- and received a kind reply. This only served to fuel my desire BUT when I wrote again, I was ignored. There was nothing flirtatious about either email; I did not state my feelings. I'm hoping to use the fact that I was ignored as reason to pull away. But of course I'm making excuses in my head...

Something similar happened to me but it only lasted for a few months,usually after some time these feelings tend to fade away

I’ll take erotomania for 100, Alex.

R14 That's what I'm hoping, that it will just fade away. Thank you.

OP, either you can't handle love or you are totally new at this.

[quote] I have a man who wants to have a relationship with me but I won't give up on my fantasy affair.

Here is your problem. You are scared of commitment. You have the chance of something real. Too real for you and you are willing to throw it away for an obvious schoolgirl crush fantasy? Either you are not ready for a real relationship or you have low self esteem issues that tell you that you are not worthy of being loved or be in a relationship based on mutual love and respect.

In short: You look for ways to self sabotage something that could turn out to be something good in your life. You have to ask yourself why and that will solve the symptom: Your lovesickness.

Work on breaking your habit - stay off his social media and YouTube channels. You are using him to replace living in the real world, and have manufactured feelings about a fantasy that doesn't exist. You don't know this person and he doesn't know you. You are preventing yourself from having a real relationship with someone who is into you, and that therein lies the crux of your problem. What are you avoiding? That's probably best to work out with a therapist.

"....to his next speech..." ??? Okay, I sincerely hope that OP is trying to write a clever parody of Mayor Pete groupies, and not actually asking for help to meet his crush. Because if he/she is sincere, I weep for humanity and the future of politics in the US.

I think it's Obama, and really, who could blame OP for that.

Love letters are written by hand, with tear-stained paper and cumstuck pen.

I'm envious that you're fluid enough to be a stalker, but spend the money on a therapist.

A good thread would be "Which celebrity would you stalk full-time, if you could afford it?". I'd pick a swarthy, pro tennis player, ranked around 125-150. Good enough to get to the best tournaments, but poor enough to submit to the charms of my black diamond Amex.

Howard Stern once said he hoped he never had a stalker because he knew he couldn't resist fucking her and make it worse.

[quote] I'm seriously thinking of flying 2000 miles to his next speech just to see him in person.

Do it! Love WILL find a way.

R17 R18 It really helps to read some of these suggestions. I probably am self-sabotaging. It's crazy to pursue a fantasy relationship (and NO, he's not a politician R19 R20) ! But he did work in Washington DC for awhile...

John? Is that you, son?

R10 Was it Liam Gallagher? I can picture him doing that.

R8 it is a form of mental illness, BUT I have been there back in my 20's. Irrational longing for someone I couldn't have. Not quite stalking , but I could not let go of this fantasy for months! It was quite emotionally stunting and paralyzing.

OP stop chasing after John Bolton. Word is he is no longer into S&M.

R25 Thank you. I agree it is paralyzing and it must be a form of mental illness. R26 Nope, not John Bolton but you are really closing in!

It fades. It's extreme loneliness and emotional immaturity as it seems you know. It's happened to me and thank God it's over.

Not trying to be a jerk to you, but you need to find something else to occupy your mind with. A hobby perhaps. Maybe do something positive, like working out or taking up yoga. Take a class to expand your mind. Force yourself to read some challenging or fun books. Do some volunteering or dog walking. You will soon find that your unattainable love interest will fade from your mind and you may actually meet a real person and have an actual relationship.

Make sure you practice tying knots! My boy scout training failed me! Funny story... I totally miscalculated how much chloroform to bring with me and just as I was ejaculating, my crush WOKE UP!!! Now, I make License plates for a living!

#blessingindisguise! #prisondickisthebestdick!

Read up on Maladaptive Daydreaming, OP. And then read up on overcoming obsessive thoughts, or get some help for this.

R28 R29 Yes, it is extreme loneliness. That's also what's keeping me from acknowledging the "real" guy who is interested in me. I'm afraid to commit -- what if I'm just committing because I feel isolated and lonely and not out of real affection. I'm aware enough to know I'm going to be in serious trouble if I can't shake this obsession. And yes, R30, I need to find something to occupy my time and thoughts other than following this guy on YouTube. I need to volunteer or find a hobby or do something useful for someone else. R31 I'm going to Google Maladaprive Daydreaming right now.

OP, why do you need to commit to the "real guy" who is interested in you? Go out a few times, fool around a bit, see where it goes. It's called dating.

R33 I would LOVE to fool around a bit but I haven't dated in years. I'm the monogamous type, my last relationship ended a few months ago and that just added to my need for fantasy. I need to get my balls back!!

Picture him taking a massive dump and imagine the smell of it and imagine him making you look at it and laughing cruelly.

Fan is short for Fanatic; which is Maniac adjacent. Be careful OP, reign it in before you leap over the edge.

R35 I wish I could imagine something nasty about him but can't. R36 Yes, I need to rein this in. I'm feeling hopeful. Some of the posters who have been through this had good advice, including getting out of my head and into the world. Also, many have commented that the obsession fades over time. I just need to stop feeding into it (watching YouTubes, Googling, etc). When I was younger, I could not understand 'crushing' -- it made no sense. You either went after someone or you didn't. This is a whole new crazy thing for me.

Does your case worker know about this, OP?

[quote]Picture him taking a massive dump and imagine the smell of it and imagine him making you look at it and laughing cruelly.

The dream scenario for some obsessives.

I have this embarrassing problem regarding Nicolas Cage. He’s been living in my head for almost a year. I didn’t ask for this! Channeling my erotomania into bizarre art projects is the best I can do so far.

Don’t be a stalker. Revel in your insanity in harmless ways. Talk to a therapist. Mine blew it off though.

Practical advice:

Don't try to repress it. Psychologists have said the more you repress something, the more you express it, though in distorted ways. Don't feed it, either. Take a break from their instagram. Ask yourself what makes you feel so attached and attracted to someone you have never met. Is it their public image? Or the mystery that's stirred by their need for privacy? Self-reflection is a gift that humans have. Use it!

Let us know how it went.

R35 😂😂😂

That's...that's HAWT!!

Sorry wrong thread

OP please read all you can about John Hinkley and his obsession with JF. That didn't end well and neither will your obsession.

OP, as long as you realise this is a fantasy and that it would be unrealistic to expect to have a relationship IRL with this person, it's not a big deal. Just relax and enjoy it while it lasts. Eventually it will pass as all infatuations do and you'll hopefully move on to something more realistic and fulfilling.

On the plus side, if OP goes to his house with the intention of being "together forever" then at least all of the nutjob Mayo Pete posts will stop clogging up the DL.

I say go live your truth OP! Make him see that the two of you are meant to be. It probably wouldn't hurt to bring a weapon.

OP - Start the new decade on the right foot.

Stalk and kidnap and hold him hostage as your sex slave, OP. As you're pathologically obsessive with your mark, you should live out your twisted fantasy. No one can cure you. Besides it appears you have no friends and family around, such a soulless incel. Nothing to lose for this already hopeless life of yours.

[quote]It is not stalking if the person is famous,

Oh, really?

You guys are going to get OP shot by his stalkee's security.

It is hard but you manage. In my case, he grew a beard and I find him less attractive than he once was. Also he's in Canada so it wouldn't really work.

You're right, r51. In which case, OP will need THIS!

I did when I was 13...Barry Cowsill....today, nope, I dont get lovesick over celebs or semi-celebs

[quote]I'm seriously thinking of flying 2000 miles to his next speech just to see him in person.

OP, is your crush on Miss Lindsey?

How old are you? I’ve just hit a milestone age and I’m there too, it’s more a maladaptive daydream self-esteem boost thing. My crush is very mediocre, you’ve maybe heard of him in passing, tame fantasies of romance.

Tell me more, fellow fanatic.

OP, contact the Dr Phil show, you're just the person they need to boost ratings. He'll send you off to the multiple diagnosis rehab by the sea, and you won't have to pay.

R57 WHAT IF IT IS DR PHIL, YOU FOOL!?

Try being ME, OP. I was so in love with Lance Bass. And then I found out he was gay...which I still do not fully believe.

Just imagine that he's another bottom like you; that'll make your dick shrivel up immediately.

[quote]Is it their public image? Or the mystery that's stirred by their need for privacy?

Great observation R41 R56 I wish I could tell you more! I'd love to be able to talk openly about this. I think if I heard myself actually saying the words, I'd be so humiliated I'd stop fantasizing.

“Get some help honey - we’re concerned”

I'm sorry OP, and don't take this personal, but you know, you really are a silly little ass. Truly. There is serious shit going on in the world, and you have your head so far up your own ass you'd rather chase an unattainable fantasy that face reality. Don't tell me you need to "escape." You don't have that luxury. Now get up off your sorry, flaky little ass, and go out into the world and spend all that excessive emotion on something that will make your corner of this fucked up world a better place. Capish?

OP, are you even a gay man? Or just a frau who decided she needed a break from BRF thread #2976? You'd get better advice on one of those tarot channels on YouTube.

R31 thanks. I never heard of that but I believe I have it, similar to OP.

OMG I haven't had this kind of crush since I was teen. It will end in tears OP. The reality is far from the fantasy mark my words.

R63 it’s capisce not Capish you fucktatd.

Post one if his YouTube videos here OP so that we can determine if he’s worth your devotion.

It's spelled that way if you spell it in correct Italian. I spell it phonetically, and fuck you with a piece of salami, ...twice.

OP, your obsession is masking a deep dissatisfaction within yourself. I had an unhealthy attraction to an ex that took me years to get over and he was friendly which made it so much worse.

Surround yourself with friends, get out and meet other people and learn a hobby. It’s ok to have a crush but unrequited love has more to do with the unhappiness inside your rather than happiness with the other person you’re attracted to.

Curious-Do you have OCD? Or other prior who have experienced similar things, do you have OCD?

I'm trying to sort out some repetitive problems I've had with obsessing over people.

Why do you feel you can't share his name with us? Or more about him?

Okay time to get serious. OP - Write a book! Become famous yourself! Use DL notes as your book outline, [bold]book titles suggestions:

Finding Love Again: Starting At The Bottom

The New Stalking: Dating for Extreme Introverts

A Stalker's Diary: Love Letters from Death Row

Through the Bed Curtains: Shining a Light on Night Stalking

On Line Stalking: A Bottom's Desperate Tale

14,000 Reasons to Stalk and Sanity Isn't One of Them

He Never Called Me Back: Dying Words from the World's Most Prolific Stalker

Excuse Me, I'm Stalking

Stalker's Guide to True Love: How To Get Your Man Without Actually Meeting Him

It Had to Be You: How to Target Your "Love Interest" from Afar

Too Good to Be True: Tips for Effective Stalking

I Don't Know Why I Love You and Why You Never Will

From Stalker to Stalkee: How I Wound Up in the ADX

Musical Meditations for First Time Stalkers

Snap out of it!

I cannot believe I lost so many years of my life to this and only now learned of maladaptive daydreaming.

Holy heck DL. You just helped me tremendously.

OP, you need to find yourself a needy Princling.

Name him, OP. It's an anonymous board

You said he's "semi famous" so it's either Jensen Ackles or Peter Buttigieg.

Both are complete and utter embarrassments, OP, so please do the proper thing and kill yourself, preferably in a grease fire, right now.

Forgive me for not reading all the previous posts, OP, but I had a friend like you named John. He had an absolute thing about Michael Feinstein back in the mid-80s, and used to fantasize about going to NYC and seeing him in concert and meeting him backstage, yada yada yada. And then they would fall in love and live happily ever after. John did go see him in concert and I think he may have even met him, but of course, nothing ever came of it. Still, John kept obsessing about him and never really had a real boyfriend.

This story has a tragic ending, of course. I moved away, but I kept in touch with friends back home, and (perhaps) five years later, they told me that John had locked himself in the garage, started his car, and died.

The moral of the story is, get some help, OP. Seriously. The life you save may be your own.

OP is the Spaz Troll talking about Harry Styles.

R78 or get an electric car.

So I've always been prone to celebrity crushes, some intense, some vague. But there was one time when I became absolutely obsessed, the fantasies took over my mind, it interfered with work, and I ended up nearly failing some exams in the night school classes I was taking. And then, the fantasies faded. Later, I realized that if I'd done well in those exams, it would have set my life on a wrong course, sent me into a career that I would have hated and where most jobs involved things I found ethically dubious, if I'd gone on with those studies my life would have been absolutely miserable.

What I think was going on, was that my subconscious or some higher power was trying to stop me from making a big mistake. Because yeah, that sort of obsession never happened before, and never happened again, and that was 25 years ago. So, OP, it may be that something is trying to make a change without your conscious mind knowing it.

[quote]There are energies working through us which we don’t always understand.

This. For all the wise advice on this thread I know to be true, the influence of a (non-famous) crush is slow to fade. It's like some virus I need to wait out. Nearly there.

This is a fascinating thread—I got far more than I bargained for reading through it. I think it's important for OP and others to remember that this kind of phenomenon is new to human beings. Before the advent of social media, it wasn't possible to be able to peer into the lives of strangers so deeply (and anonymously). Developing a crush on someone in this context is merely a symptom of the times; it goes to show just how much social media has become interwoven with the fabric of how we communicate, interact with, and see the world and the people in it.

R52 Donald Trump grew a beard and moved to Canada? I had no idea!

You've created a perfect construct of a human being that I think you know deep down does not exist in the real world. You use this idealized fictional creation as a crutch to avoid real relationships that would require you to see the people you love as less than perfect. Those relationships require real work, compromise and sacrifice. Again, I think you know this. But, OP, those are the relationships that have real meaning. If this is eating you up inside, please see a counselor. I suspect you are using this celebrity as an avoidance mechanism. You need to work through this.

I know this isn’t helpful, but when I was young (in my twenties) I sent a mash note to a celebrity. He called me. After a few phone conversations, he sent me a plane ticket. Reader, I fucked him. The affair went on, intermittently, for about a year.

I don’t think things usually work out this way, though, so, yes, OP, find a new distraction. (And I’m not sharing any details with you bitches; you can believe me or not.)

Are you a guy, r86? You can at least tell us that.

[quote]I'd love to be able to talk openly about this. I think if I heard myself actually saying the words, I'd be so humiliated [bold]I'd stop fantasizing[/bold].

Which would be the best possible outcome. Spill, OP.

I am a guy. And he was a guy, too.

R27 Is it Alan Greenspan?

R90 I'm laughing! Isn't he married to Andrea Mitchell? No, my man is single. Single his whole life. There were rumors about a gay partner but he's so private and managed to keep his personal life out of the news even when he worked in DC. His rumored partner is now living overseas so I know he's single again. And responding to R71 No, I don't have OCD but I think/know I have an addictive personality. I discovered this because I was a smoker and in order to quit (it took me many stops and starts), I started exercising. I became addicted to that. Had to run/exercise every day. That went on for about 5 years until I got the flu and was too sick to do anything. THEN I became addicted to food! After that, I was bulimic to lose weight. It just goes on and on, quitting one addiction just leads to another. Very sick way to live. Nothing in moderation. So everyone's advice about finding a hobby or some creative outlet is hitting the mark. That's exactly what I need. R74 I'm also looking into Maladaptive Daydreaming - I'm also grateful for all the good advice I'm getting from DL. Who knew? R76 I can't name him because #1 I don't want to embarrass him and #2 I'm afraid of some kind of legal hooha. At least this is day two of NOT surfing YouTube for videos...

[quote]No, my man is single. Single his whole life. There were rumors about a gay partner but he's so private and managed to keep his personal life out of the news even when he worked in DC. His rumored partner is now living overseas so I know he's single again.

I can guess one person that profile fits. Not mentioning any name. But if it's him, OP picked someone senior age and not extraordinarily handsome, but had a very lofty role and prestigious career.

Why does OP think he's so unique here? He's just a plain old addict going from one addiction to another.

Celebrity crushes ain't nothing new on DL. Pointless bitchery is the motto, but hopeless obsessive lovesick crushes are what has truly powered this site for decades.

OP, George Will?

Souter?

Leon Pineta?

Is Warren Christopher still alive? Is it him?

r83, crushes on famous figures existed well before the mass media age. Wagner's opera "The Flying Dutchman," which was first performed in 1843, s about a girl develops a crush (referred to in the show as a "schwaermerei") on a legendary vampire-like being, who unfortunately for her shows up in her neighborhood looking for a wife. So watch out for those schwaermerei, friends.

[quote]crushes on famous figures existed well before the mass media age.

True, I seem to recall stories about Princess Diana-like public mourning when Rudolph Valentino breathed his last.

Quest?

OP, I hate to tell you, but Ed Koch is dead. Find a new crush.

This is a safe space OP. You can reveal your affection for America's Fittest Congressman loudly and proudly.

R94, R95, R96, R97 Nope, those guys are married; mine is not. I did not intend to make this a guessing game but I admit that I enjoy reading your suppositions. I think R92 knows who I am obsessing about! I just don't have the nerve to speak his name but if you do, I will acknowledge...

[quote]I just don't have the nerve to speak his name

Voldemort?

[quote]I just don't have the nerve to speak his name

Kissinger?

OP, NO ONE KNOWS WHO YOU ARE. SAY IT SO WE CAN HELP YOU THOUGH THIS.

We can totally shit on him to help you get through this! And you know we will rip him apart. Initials, at least.

^^^^if you can’t trust your friends (or us, which is the closest thing it sounds like you’ve got) then who can you trust? Not this old dude you’re jonesing for, or anyone else you want a relationship with. Consider this practice. The future starts now, bitch!

Btw if your Object is a politician he’s almost definitely a sleaze so there’s that.

R83 also has never seen The World of Henry Orient.

R108 Yes! World of Henry Orient. I watched it over and over, never understanding about stalking. I just thought it was about fan worship and I wanted to be friends with those girls! PLUS it had all that great NYC background cinematography. Was this film nominated for anything? And what happened to those two girls who starred? ALSO -- Tom Boswell and Angela Lansbury?

R106 I am relying on my DL friends to get me through this. Yeah, yeah I like all the snarky sarcastic shit but I'm so grateful for the sincere advice I've received, It's ridiculous for me to ask for your help and not be open with you. My heartache's initials are JNM...

This is fun!

I should have referenced R106 and R107 in my admission. Sorry.

Are those really his initials? If so, let the games begin!

Come on, DL. Get on this, bitches!

R113 Yes, his real initials. I thought R92 had it nailed. I didn't want this to turn into a guessing game but like I wrote in R103, I'll acknowledge if someone else comes forward...but then what?

Come on, OP -- JNM -- John? James? We'll get there but we could use some help AND that will help you!

Is it James Northey Miller?

I bet that's it, R116! OP...?

Smart and moderately attractive. I can see falling for him.

R116 R117 No. I don't know who that is at R116 but if you think he is "moderately attractive' my guy is MUCH older and I doubt many of you would find him handsome. It's not his looks, it's his manhood, his manliness that attract me. OMG don't get me started! I need to fade on this not build on it. But I admit I'm enjoying the guessing game R115. First name is James. PLEASE someone get it so I can acknowledge and move on! PS I just googled JNM in R116 -- They might have worked together at some point!

James Norman Mattis. I win!

Anyone interested in James Mattis would be into necrophilia. And probably coprophilia as well.

[quote]James Norman Mattis. I win!

Not what I call winning.

Omg if it’s some nerd like that- go out and find him and give him a ride!

OP's getting too old now to not deal with his daddy issues. Very soon he's going to need to hang around nursing homes to find the older types that are attractive to him.

R119 Yes, you win! I told all of you that you'd be disappointed! The heart wants what it wants. Now I'll go away and deal with this delusion of mine. Thank you all for your time and advice.

I think I was also fixated on a person once and honestly it is scary how deep that kind of thinking can run, especially when you aren't having real-world experiences. There's safety in the fantasy.

But I'm older now, and realize that all the time I spent fixating on someone who wasn't going to return my feelings was probably time misspent. The older you get, the more practical you start to become. Having someone to take care of you, someone you can hold at night and love and also take care of, that's way more important than some fantasy. Life is short. If someone isn't interested in you move on. Don't imagine 900 ways you could possibly get them to notice you and fall in love with you. That's a movie. That's a fantasy.

And in this particular case, this person doesn't even know you exist right? At least I actually knew my person! LOL... But the point is if you try to pursue this stranger, you will definitely be taking a big risk. Just because someone goes on YouTube and talks narcissistically about themselves or uses it as a promotional tool for their business, does not mean they are prepared to have strangers travel distances just to meet them and hopefully date them.

I try not to watch too many of these YouTube videos, because there are a lot of sexy people on YouTube and getting to hear them open up about their lives creates a false sense of intimacy. Chances are there's some really nice looking sincere people in your neck of the woods you can actually go and have a cup of coffee with.

I do think you should consider therapy just to work through some of these feelings, but here's something to think about right now: if someone you didn't know travelled because they watched videos of you and decided that they had fallen in love with you, how the hell would that make you feel? You would probably feel put on the spot, intimidated, freaked out, and under a lot of pressure to deliver on whatever fantasy of you they cooked up for their own enjoyment.

Once you try to step into the other person's position, it ceases to be as romantic. Maybe focus on that a little. I know personally I always get weirded out when someone is interested in me, and that's always been in regular situations where I actually have a chance to meet the person and spend some time with them. As much as we want to be worshipped and idolized, there's something unnerving when people get that glazed-over look in their eyes that says "I think you're amazing!" LOL

Dont be that guy!

R125 Huh?

I used to get hard for Mattis too, but I got over it. I'm done with him now, you can have him OP

R1 is correct.

[quote]We can totally shit on him to help you get through this!

R106 I'm waiting for you guys to start dumping on him...I need your help to get through this.

He's 70, so there's old man smell. That's one thing.

BTW, WTF do you think you can't get him? He's fucking 70! You think there's a huge market for 70yo guys?

R130 -- So you think I have a chance? With his prestige and money, I'd guess he's being blown twice a day every day.

'You think there's a huge market for 70yo guys?'

Personally I was kind of hoping there was.

R132 Oh sweety. There is. I'll come visit you. Address please?

OP- That's a perfectly fine subject for your neurosis, an older man, with a strong character, a disciplined man someone who would punish you if you got out of line. I get it.

For real OP, it's a great story you should write it down, get your feelings out. Did you go to a book signing?

FROM GOOGLE: Personal life. Mattis has never been married and has no children. He proposed to a woman, but she called off the wedding days before it was to occur, not wanting to burden his career.

Yeah, right, the same thing happened to me.

R132, if you still have your marbles at that age, consider yourself lucky. Dementia/Alzheimer's is worse than any physical disease - including cancer. I know from experience.

We've all had those fantasies of being with people you can't have. Life is unfair. You've just gotta accept that. Find someone who you realistically have a chance with and be happy with them.

If it’s Aaron Carter give him some cash or a place to crash and you have a chance.

R136 I refuse to "settle". I did that a few years ago and was very unhappy. No, if I can't have what I want I'll just have to learn to live without. But thank you.

I knew a woman once who got crushes on people she didn't know. She also used to write prisoners. One time I asked what was in it for her since she would never meet the person, and she said that she thought it was because fantasy relationships were always perfect. She also had BPD.

BPD?

R134 I am writing a story. There is some great advice on this thread about writing, painting, creating and working out my infatuation through that type of outlet. I am a writer but have never written anything personal so I am going to try that. What I don't understand is that I made initial contact about a week ago, via email. I had watched a recent YouTube video and he made an incorrect reference which I didn't want him to repeat, to embarrass himself. Because he's so private, it took some sleuthing to find an email address but I found one and sent him an email. He sent a grateful response. I wrote back; he responded again --- and this time with what I thought was a slightly flirtatious response. Guess I was wrong and now my heart is heavy. So I just need to get over this but there's a part of me that's really pissed off that he responded the second time and tell me to drop the titles and call him by his first name. ?? Why?? I've been in the position of having someone 'stalk' me and I dropped all communication as quickly as I could; person never came back. So why did this guy respond to an email that didn't ask a question? Sorry. This feels good, though. Talking/Writing it out feels good. Thanks.

I never heard of maladaptive daydreaming before but I do that constantly and have done it all my life. I don't have crushes but in my daydreams, I turn into a Walter Mitty type character. I am always the hero. I also have ADHD and maladaptive daydreaming is apparently a symptom of ADHD.

Nowhere in that movie with Danny Kaye do they mention ADHD.

R140 BPD=Borderline personality disorder. That particular personality disorder is common in stalkers.

R143 Walter Mitty is just an example of the particular type of daydreaming I tend to do. I'm not trying to say that Walter Mitty had ADHD. What I said is maladaptive daydreaming is a symptom of ADHD.

"Lovesick" by Night Trains is on the February 1996 Gap In-Store Playlist!

"I was lovesick

But now I'm feeling better!"

OP - Why don't you try just being honest with the guy. I've never contacted anyone I don't know for "personal reasons" but try again. Send another email but this time, be honest and state your admiration (whatever your thoughts are) and that you'd like to learn more about his experiences, etc. I don't know how you'd start the message but sometimes honesty gets you further than limp, generic, directionless emails.

This guy OP? This guy?

I officially call bullshit.

How old are you? Does your mommy know you’re on the computer?

0/100

Don't ruin it for the rest of us, r148.

R148 You're just being cruel now. Here's the real man!

R147 You're right. What have I got to lose? If he was trying to be flirtatious in his last email, we can continue. If not, hopefully he will not respond again and I can try to move on. R150 Thank you for that gorgeous picture! There he is! I know I said I would quit this thread but I can't....

Is he smuggling cashews @R148

OK OK I get it. His eyebags are awful. But that's because he never sleeps! He's busy keeping us safe....

Am... am I the only one horribly (disturbingly) disappointed this lovesick's object of obsession is old enough to be someone's grandfather?

R154 I never should have revealed this. You don't know my name so I have no reason to be sad or shamed but I'm so sorry about revealing HIS name. If you find my affection for General Mattis disturbing, put it out of your mind.

[quote] am I the only one horribly (disturbingly) disappointed this lovesick's object of obsession is old enough to be someone's grandfather?

Honey, you could be someone's grandfather at age 30. Grow up.

Or it can be a massive failure, like no response, dead silence. But at least you "ended the situation" on an honest note and I think the finality of such a correspondence could help you in other ways. Like, moving on. Maybe at the end of the day, is more doing it for yourself. If you get a response, fine. If you don't get a response, fine too.

r147

It's probably just a head fantasy that major letdown when you actually meet.

You need to exist in person around each other so when you actually kiss it's like soulmates coming together. Who knows who they actually are around you. It's just a fantasy in your head at this point.

Btw Mad Dog Mattis fell for that stupid Elizabeth Holmes Theranos scandal.

That is scary!

R158 Yep, he did. PLUS he spoke on her behalf to Forbes Magazine. He did a PBS interview with Judy Woodruff where he said he didn't want to turn into a cynic because of the nasty outcome with Theranos. I'll see if I can find it and post it for you.

R158 Hope this link works....

JFC, OP. You honestly think a 70-year-old retired Marine general and former Secretary of Defense, who might be straight and is surely very closeted if not, was flirting over email with some random little twat he's never met? Get some fucking therapy and pull your head out of your ass and back into the real world.

You're kind of making me want to track down Mattis's email myself, so I can write him and say "Hey, you know that rando who emailed you to correct something you said in a speech? Well, he's a big ol' stalker with a big gay crush on you," and then give him the link to this thread.

Thank the Dickens for Lt. Shoemaker or whoever stopped the military from buying into it because it didn't have FDA approval. Lesson to the wise, don't invest if the the big venture capital firms have refused. There's probably a good reason for that or they would be all on it.

Mattis has huge bags under his eyes. He needs surgery to remove that fat.

R162 YES Shoemaker deserves much praise for his intervention in the Theranos debacle. He and Tyler Schultz deserve a special place in heaven.

R163 Do you think he's on this thread and will follow your advice? Good for you for trying.

[quote]You're kind of making me want to track down Mattis's email myself, so I can write him and say "Hey, you know that rando who emailed you to correct something you said in a speech? Well, he's a big ol' stalker with a big gay crush on you," and then give him the link to this thread.

R161 You are exactly the reason I didn't want to expose my crush's name. So, yeah, please do it. Be the asswipe you were born to be and let's get it over with. There was some great funny stuff on this thread but I'll always appreciate the fact that few people were outright cruel. Lots of insight, including maladaptive daydreaming. Who knew?

So, yes, R161, be your authentic self and crush a stranger looking for help. You were born to do it.

Well make sure and wear your MAGA hat or he won't pay any attention to you at his speech. Bonus points if you are black he will call you one of his African-Americans.

R167 Who are you referring to? The R161, the OP or ?? Your MAGA reference makes no sense...

[quote] So, yes, [R161], be your authentic self and crush a stranger looking for help.

Oh, waaaah, OP, poor you—a grown man with a wittle cwush. Can't think of anyone more in need of help than you with such a serious, terrible problem.

OP, do your fantasies involve being his homecare provider? Sponge baths while you sit together in a walk-in tub?

R161 It looks like you unleashed a couple other nasty haters after your post. Or is that you?

[quote] If you don't want to help, leave the OP alone

If you can't stand the heat, get out of the Datalounge, ya big pussyboy.

I'm sure OP you can find a ton of men with his overwhelming charisma. We all can.

The OP is a woman.

Use ignore-dar.

All you can really do is ride it out and wait for your feelings to go away. Then you'll look back and laugh at how ridiculous you were.

R175 You are so right. I'm looking forward to that day...

OP, have you told us your age? Just curious. Not that age is a factor but.....

I'm 64. He started his 70th year in September. He still has a slim, trim body. He wears his age on his face as you can see from some of the postings. I'm just the opposite -- my face is good but I've got the soft stomach thing going on.

So you are close in age, OP, r178. Interesting. Did you also say how long this "fondness" or "infatuation" has been going on? Based on all these posts, and your own assessment, have you decided what to do next? Email? Don't Email?

r177

R177 My infatuation has been going on since about September 2019. I would prefer it would just fade away but ... I'm reading clips from the Philip Ruckert book about his behavior in The Tank meeting with Trump. I'm so disappointed; I can feel myself writing a nasty email....I thought he had bigger balls...fighting the urge right now! Thanks.

^^Maybe the Ruckert book is just what I need to get over this infatuation. If he didn't have the stones to confront Trump at that meeting -- and God Bless Rex Tillerson! -- that could be my reason for losing the infatuation. He's not the Big Mean Manly Man I thought he was!

You're 64 and you have these infatuations? -1,000/10.

Worst parody thread ever.

If you are real OP at your age 100% helium is the only answer.

I just listened to a podcast about Rebecca Schaeffer so at first I was really disturbed by your post, OP. Especially the part where you were considering flying across the country to meet him. That could easily devolve into violent behavior, and I also encourage you to seek psychiatric help.

That being said, it seems that you do have a good level of awareness about the unrealisticness of your fantasies, which I think is a good sign. Just please don't get to a point where you expect him to act a certain way, and when he doesn't, you become angry at him, or ever develop feelings of "ownership" of him.

I also think the fact that you're 64 makes it less likely that you'll make this violent. Regardless, I still encourage you to seek psychological help. Good luck.

If he hasn't outgrown infatuations at his age he should seek out euthanasia.

R183 Thank you. Yes, I see this turning into anger which is stupid and I'm getting over it at this stage. BUT I will be seeing a therapist next week and that should help me get over it.

OP you are having a late midlife crisis, go buy yourself a hot little red convertible.

R186 Yes, thank you! I'd rather have a hot little red-head but I'll probably wind up with the convertible...

One is capable of grand passion in one’s sixties. You bitches are missing out.

Yes, I hope to spend my 60s in the the throes of a grand passion for some old dude who doesn't know I'm alive.

[quote]He's 70, so there's old man smell. That's one thing.

Ear hair

Halitosis

Saggy skin

Bloating and gas

Skin tags & moles

Thick, yellow toenails

Dandruff

The beginnings of dementia

Bald spots

ED

Therenos (this trumps anything above)

But doesn't love conquer all?

Love is blind, so that could work out well for much of R190's list.

R190 I think Gen Mattis has apologized for his involvement in the Theranos fiasco. I wouldn't hold that against him -- as much as ED -- but that can be worked on in many, many ways...

I'm pretty sure R190's list is turning on OP

You forgot shingles, r190.

OP, I'm not "lovesick" but I have such a huge crush on Senator Chris Murphy, I feel like cyberstalking. Between him and Sean Patrick Maloney, I just can't...

Don’t worry. Your feelings will gradually wane and then you will look back and feel a little foolish. You’ll be happy you never did anything really embarrassing, though.

There's only one reason to watch CNN's talking heads panel....Andrew McCabe.

R198 OMG! Andrew McCabe! Is it his glasses? His sweet, sweet persona? I'll fight you for him!

[quote]Self-reflection is a gift that humans have. Use it!

Thank you! I am using it and am able to wind down a bit. I haven't been on YouTube or Googled for a days. I think I'm getting over this! I won't ever -- and don't want to -- dislike him. I just want him to get out of my head. And that's up to me.

R63 Thank you. Nope, nothing personal. Good advice.

[quote]OP, it may be that something is trying to make a change without your conscious mind knowing it.

R81 Wow. This may be exactly what's going on in my head. I'm ready to make changes in my life and maybe this obsessive infatuation is blocking something in my head that needs to be seen/heard. I need to be open to this. Thank you.

It's not that complicated OP. This is basic Daddy Issues 101 protecting you from something more realistic that you're currently too scared to pursue.

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

It's just infatuation, that's all. People calling the OP mentally ill need to chill.

Stay away, bitch!

I don't think the OP is mentally ill, r205, but I do think he's the most immature 64-year-old I've ever heard of (okay, with the exception of the BLOTUS) and absurdly self-serious and dramatic about his infatuation.

I fell in love with a performer. I never expected it to happen to someone like me. I’d taken a job in London & one night I went to the Palladium. The curtains opened and the most handsome man I’d ever seen was on the stage. He had a beautiful voice and spoke impeccable RP. I was immediately captivated. I watched his performance almost in a trance-like state. After that, I bought every local newspaper I could get in London so I could find out where he would next appear.

I took buses and trains to the theaters where he appeared. I knew I loved him & that I had to meet him. His name was Max. Max Collodi. He was a gentleman ventriloquist. I wrote him letters and poems. I poured out my heart’s desire. But he wouldn’t meet me. He wrote back to me and said it could never work & to forget him. But I couldn’t.

I had to meet Max Collodi

PETE BUTTIGIEG, YOU IN TROUBLE, GURL!

Mayor Pete needs a restraining order and his DL Cybertalkder needs to be committed.

Muriel, please forward the OP's details to the authorities before this lunatic hurts himself or others.

R204 Thank you for that great picture! He's so sweet!

R208 Great post! Two years ago I found an old paperback by John Keir Cross that included The Glass Eye. It was wonderful; a compilation of his short stories; also included a goodie called Miss Thing. The Hitchcock episode was one of the best...Thank you for that great memory!

[quote]. You just helped me tremendously.

I'm happy to do it! R74 Maladaptive Daydreaming helped me....

R190 Thank you so much. It's a beautiful list. You have it all covered. And I still want him....

R204 Who are those people? I don't see Bezos!

R204 This might be an old one. That looks like Bill Gates receiving guests...

[quote]R251 This is like a schoolgirl crush but has me baffled by its depth. I have a man who wants to have a relationship with me but I won't give up on my fantasy affair. No one is going to live up to what I've created in my head.

You say you have means. Why not treat your potential bf to a complete makeover? Change the hair color, wardrobe, EVERYTHING to match!

If he truly loves you, he’ll do it.

R215 Great suggestion! But I've already called it off with him. There was no 'there' there. But thanks for trying.

R184 We never outgrow infatuations! It's our reason for being....

I have a crush on Harry Styles and refuse to date anyone who doesn't have green eyes, curly dark hair and a killer jawline. I'm with a passable lookalike now.

R218 How true! We will always love our first crush...or first love.

[quote[It's like some virus I need to wait out.

I'm still waiting but it is fading. Thank you, R82

[quote] [R26] Nope, not John Bolton but you are really closing in!

Well, that's just sad.

Must be a BernBro obsessed with Bernie. There's a lot of them. None can be Lady Jane.

I will never get people who go gaga over celebs. You'll never meet them. And if you do? Most likely you'll be disappointed. Go meet a real man. It's find to watch a man (or woman) because you're attracted to them. Duh. It's why they're on TV. But it's just too silly to get attached someone you'll never meet.

[quote]All you can really do is ride it out and wait for your feelings to go away. Then you'll look back and laugh at how ridiculous you were.

Thanks, R175. I just re-read this post and yes, I am laughing at how ridiculous I was!

There are always ways to meet one's object of affection. Attend their fave charity events. Endear yourself to those who know him. Its a game of patience and strategy.

Gregory Peck's french wife went after him and locked him down by requesting multiple interviews with him then successfully seduced him.

R226 You're ideas are putting me back in the game!

^^^Your ideas...

You need to call a helpline and get connected to a psychiatrist, babe, before you act on your stalker instincts and run afoul of the law.