The Official "I Hate Christmas" Datalounge Thread

Xmas this year was suppose to be at my sister's house but my BIL decided he didn't want to spend money feeding 15 people, so it's back my mother's house--and I'm spending money feeding 15 people.

Thirty fucking years of this. I'm fed up.

The only good thing about Christmas is time off from work.

For years I was sick of christmas and wanted nothing more than a socially acceptable way to get out of the tastelessness, consumerism, and drama!

Then I got a job as a hospital nurse. It worked.

Fuck Christmas! Fuck it right UP ITS ASS!

I visit my widowed mother in Florida in early December as a sort of delayed Thanksgiving for both of us. My brother prefers to visit over Christmas week itself, with all of the travel hassle involved. I return in January after the holiday crowds for another visit, which is sort of a delayed Christmas for me as I have always spent the day itself alone.

Don’t hate it, but prefer to spend Christmas by myself, so I visit family on the weekend before.

I hate the tacit obligation that I have to spend Christmas (and Thanksgiving) with people I don't get along with just because they're family and if I don't, then I have to call them.

Don't hate Christmas either but definitely prefer to be alone. Let's just get it over with already! UGH. I hate these people and the Christmas music going 24hrs.

I hate how people can treat you like you don't exist or worse...are human garbage....but if they invite you over for December 24th and you say 'no thanks', you get a hundred lectures from everyone about the importance of family and how you need to forgive send stop being bitter.

Bitches...come December 26th I cease to exist again. So no, no I don't feel like playing "let's pretend".

Respect and enjoy me the other 353 days of the year, or Fuck Off.

It's not hard. I can treat people with love and respect all year. You can't? Bye. GOODBYE.

I want an app that will let me fast-forward from Thanksgiving to January 2. I detest December and don't do anything in response to it except suffer. I want to know where r9 lives that he only has to listen to Christmas carols for 24 hours. I've been hearing it for at least a week now, everywhere but home.

I'm going to Benihana with a friend. Maybe we'll see Timmy's new movie.

I used to LOVE Christmas, then my dad died on Christmas Day. No love no mo’.

R11 I live in CT. It's always going. In the car with whoever, the store, at people's home's. I never wanna hear "All I want for Christmas is you" ever again. ENOUGH.

Sounds to me like those who are "tired of Christmas and family gatherings" have never had a loved one (parent/sibling/immediate family) pass away.

Just wait until all these people, whose company you seem to detest, pass away and you have no choice but to sit there all alone every Christmas.

The loneliness will get to you.

You are not OBLIGATED to visit these people. You go to avoid being alone and to look like you have holiday obligations in front of other people so as to not garner their pity.

"Oh, I HAVE to go visit my relatives.". Umm...no, you don't.

R14 My mother and grandmother have passed away. As far as I'm concerned, these others aren't moving fast enough. Begone already.

Christmas means Mardi Geas season starts soon! Mardi Gras > Christmas AND Halloween.

Chag Urim Sameach!

What R10 said. So much.

R14 should be grateful that he never had abusive, guilt-tripping family members who behave exactly like R10 described. Nobody wants to ruin their holidays with people like that, believe me. Being alone is so, so much better.

Y'all need some holiday cheer you damn grinches.

Y'all need to just fucking die, r19. Choke on a Salvation Army bell, while someone fucks you with lit Yankee Candles, you stinking, not-good-enough -for-a-greasefire piece of shit.

R20 needs some lovin'. A warm hug for you.

I knew a dentist who scheduled all his vacation for the two weeks for Christmas. Didn't want to return to Mt. Pleasant. Until, he parents decided to visit him for the summer. That's when I understood the high suicide rate among dentists.

[quote]Sounds to me like those who are "tired of Christmas and family gatherings" have never had a loved one (parent/sibling/immediate family) pass away.

I hope you don't base any critical decision-making on what you think a situation "sounds like," r14, as you would be utterly incorrect in my case. My mother died, and it freed me from having to deal with Christmas ever again. I wish I could get the rest of the world to disengage from the mass lunacy known as "the holidays," but I'd settle for the app mentioned in r11.

You just don't get how oppressive it all is, was, and ever shall be.

After being suckered by the myth - propagated by parents - that family is the most important thing in life, I’ve come to realize at 53 that it has been nothing but a drag on my entire adult life. I should have rejected the all and moved far away in my 20s - but they, particularly my mother, guilted me into staying nearby and spending way too much time on them.

So no, won’t miss them - be gone already. I am looking forward to Christmas alone where I want.

R24 YES. Same here.

Its the most wonderful time of the year. I wish it was Christmas every day.

I've been sick of it since the day after Halloween.

Me too R24 and R25. I'll miss my mother but the last time I see my siblings will be at her funeral then never again.

Marie at r22 would you repost that and make it coherent?

I don't hate it. These days, I'm mostly just indifferent to it. Life is so much better now that I no longer spend time and money putting up (and putting away) decorations, visiting the mall(s), shopping, wrapping, cooking, and entertaining. I can relax and enjoy myself doing whatever I want, even if all I want is to stay in my bathrobe all day and binge-watch a series on Netflix.

The only store I visit between Thanksgiving and Christmas is the grocery store and I only listen to NPR during this time, so my exposure to Christmas carols is minimal. I divorced myself from my family years ago, so I never have to make up excuses to avoid dealing with them or, worse, run out of excuses and let myself get talked into the agonizing ordeal of dealing with them. I do what I want on Christmas day and the days preceding. And if anyone doesn't like it, that's their problem.

Am I a Grinch or a Scrooge? Perhaps, but the difference is that I'm not trying to spoil anyone else's fun. If you do have fun with everything above, that's great. More power to you and you have my blessing to go have as much fun as you like. I just don't feel compelled to join in and we'll both be far happier if you don't try to persuade me.

r29 - Only for you, my dear.

I knew a dentist who scheduled his vacation for the two weeks around Christmas, leaving 12/20 & returning after New Year's. He didn't want to visit his family in Mt. Pleasant, PA.

Then, his parents decided to visit him every the summer, June, July & August. That's when I understood the high suicide rate among dentists.

^ Because parents of dentists are more annoying than those of non-dentists?

I Hate Christmas

[quote]Because parents of dentists are more annoying than those of non-dentists?

In this case, the father is a dentist as well. More common than I imagined because it costs so much to buy the equipment and set up a practice. So, we have double-dentist situation, lasting 3 months of S. FL heat.

Additionally, dentists are extremely well-off and this one had a condo on the beach, to which his family helped themselves. They lent him the money for the down payment of the condo as well as the practice. So, they set the rules - no girls while they stayed there. To complicate matters, his brother-in-law was psychiatrist, who was always trying to figure "just what was wrong with him." In between sailing, sunbathing and tropical drinks.

Now does this make you want to blow your brains out. I left out a bunch of unbelievable details - for example the dentist pretended to be a penguin, walking and squawking down the beach. The psychiatrist considered it a good development.

R18.

Thank you for commiserating. For the record, I have always loved Christmas. The music, the lights, the snow, the decorating, the food, shopping for presents, getting in touch with friends and family, singing carols....all of it...

But I've seen now how some people get excluded for no reason whatsoever, kind-hearted people begrudgingly invited for the 24th or 25th, completely ignored during the gathering, and then totally overlooked the rest of the year. People can be so cruel and thoughtless, no matter how many times they chirp merrily about Goodwill Towards Men. Riiiiiight.

I want something authentic. I don't want something obligatory. If you actually like me then I'd be happy to spend time with you. But if I'm just someone you have to include to save face and someone you openly hate the rest of the year, I don't need that. I would rather have something real.

And I totally understand people who do show up for the obligatory invitation and play along and act nice and block out thoughts of all of the ways they've been wronged for the sake of that one family photo around the dining room table. I get that and I respect that too. But I personally have had enough. I just hate the hypocrisy of it all. Love isn't the light switch you turn off and on because of a date on the calendar.

I thought dentists were known for a substance abuse? Coincidence perhaps, but I've encountered two female dentists professionally, each of whom turned out to be a total b itch.

aka "I Come From a Dysfunctional Family/Had an Unhappy Childhood" Thread

R37 Ok and? Be thankful you didn't bitch and let us be. Let us heal away from them.

, ,

^ commas for r38

Just spent the weekend with three sisters who I don’t really know anymore. They should all probably be on anti-depressants or bipolar medication. They are all passive aggressive and don’t communicate with each other or me, except the occasional sniping. I didn’t get along with two of them at all growing up and the one I did get along with is now just a crazy cat lady who can’t say anything that doesn’t involve her damn cats. I drove four hours each way for that? Never again.

r40, most people like you say "never again" every year, and then you go back, again and again and again. Please let us know next year what you do. We'll know you're you by your sister who can't talk about anything but her cats. I'll remember, anyway.

I used to go to ACOA meetings in the late '80s, and the same people would whine starting on Labor Day about how they had to go to see their families on the holidays, and I'd be like, no, you don't, actually. And they'd go. And come back. And whine some more. And then whine again on Labor Day. I had to stop going.

This is [40] I actually do mean it. It was so awkward and pointless. It’s never been this bad. I’ve cut other people out of my life, and it may be time to just always be busy when they ask me to visit again. I’ll feel bad, but it’s time.

[quote] He didn't want to visit his family in Mt. Pleasant, PA.

I don't blame him. That whole town is a big trailer park.

R42 It is time. It's been 4 years since I did the deed and sometimes I feel really bad and sad too but then I just have to remember how shitty they are. I have three sisters too and one I was really close with but she has become such a rotten human being there is just no way I can deal with that. No way. Unless these people change, there really is no point.

Are you all Chekhov?!

There use to be etiquette around Christmas. Now, people enjoy destroying other people's good cheer. No one is trying to get along anymore.

Be Kind. Forgive your family members. No more jerks and cruel behavior should be allowed. Do smaller events around the Holidays, if one big party might go off the rails.

December 26 is the absolutely greatest motherfucking day of the year!!!

It is pure bliss & perfection. NOTHING has to be done. I am realizing I can not properly express my feelings for this day.

It’s the shockingly sudden lack of stress. Stress & dred come to a screeching halt and skid off the side of a mountain.

Stop making us feel obligated to experience "good cheer" and have "events" just because it is December, cuntdescening r46. Obviously, this thread is the last place you belong.

IF your family members are acting up and lost their way, you may need a break from them. It is true that Christmas does not feel like it use too. I say Christmas Cheer and the Spirit of the Season is a little lacking.

Just remember, there are people that you may encounter out there looking for some hope and you can give them some, via Christmas Cheer.

I wish all of you a Merry Christmas. Sorry, you are having a hard time. Hopefully, next year people start behaving better. We need a healthy dose of empathy.

Christmas, which is also my birthday will be spent taking care of my bed-ridden mother because her cunt caregiver doesn't have to work any holidays and the agency doesn't work anyone on Christmas or Thanksgiving. I can't wait until it's over.

But I guess I do better than most because I won't be bitching about how much money I spent on crap.

IF you are having a hard time this Christmas, do something nice for yourself. Do some kindness for yourself.

I am the HIGH BITCH of Christmas and I give you permission.

Christmas is very painful. Lots of bad memories. We are with my widowed mother for Christmas this yeah, who would otherwise be alone on Christmas if not for ys. She never. stops. talking. It is so god damn annoying. But we are only here a few more days. I am counting down.

I can no longer tolerate traveling during holidays and have excised most of my family from my life. I was in the Keys visiting my bf the first two weeks in Dec, and that was my Christmas/Hanukkah. On Dec 25 I am going to start a 5 day water fast, mostly staying in my apartment. I feel this is a great time to do a fast - I get to avoid noxious crowds and awful music.

r49, I do not want your "Christmas Cheer." There is no such thing.

r49, I do not want your "Spirit of the Season." The only "spirit" this season has is cold.

r49, I do not want your "Merry Christmas." There is nothing "Merry" about December. It's the least wonderful time of the year. I cannot wait until January 2.

What the fuck are you even doing in this thread?

[quote]Just wait until all these people, whose company you seem to detest, pass away and you have no choice but to sit there all alone every Christmas.

Sounds divine!

[quote]Be Kind. Forgive your family members. No more jerks and cruel behavior should be allowed.

The people in your second sentence ARE my family members, so which is it? Even if I forgave the abusive and vile people that populate our gatherings, I would still be choosing to spend time enduring "jerks and cruel behavior." Did you think all those jerks hang out together at one gathering, away from the rest of humanity?

A few years ago, my husband and I decided we were tired of being participants in the holiday celebrations of other people. At that time, he and I had been together for over 20 years and every Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and New Years Day was spent with our families. Never once in all that time had we spent the holidays doing our own thing. So we started scheduling a vacation for the week of Thanksgiving and traveling somewhere instead of having the same meal with the same people as the year before and the year before that and so on. It is one of the best things we've ever done. Now we get to create our own moments and memories. Both of his parents passed away years ago. Mine are both still alive, but once they're gone, we'll probably start traveling over Christmas as well. Don't get me wrong. We love our families. We're just tired of being background players when it comes to the holidays.

My boyfriend of five years dumped me on December 5h and one of my best friends (who consoled me after I was dumped) was diagnosed with sudden brain cancer. He had emergency surgery that was not successful and is now in a vegetive state on a morphine drip, waiting to die.

Fuck "Merry Christmas".

I am in a bad mood, mainly because I read this thread. I am so tired though. There is still so much to do.

I hope none of you believers in "christmas cheer" is dumping on the fraus on other threads!

Because anyone who belives in "christmas cheer", regardless of sex or age, IS a frau.

I think we should all do what we can to be happy tomorrow and nice to people.

If you're putting yourself in a room full of people who make you upset and miserable most of the time....don't.

Let's all hang in there. Especially you, r50. I feel you. Stay strong and give yourself what you need to get through it. Best wishes to you and your poor Mom.

R51, love you. Thank you!

A lot of unhappy, pathetic souls posting here.

Seems to me that people who cannot find some shred of joy or happiness in their lives are usually just selfish drama queens who enjoy being miserable.

Imagine going through life am unhappy, miserable person who blames OTHERS for their misery.

I can find plenty of joy, r61. I just resent having it forced down my throat at any one specific time of year, in the name of "Spirit of the Season" or "Christmas Cheer," especially since those are accompanied by cold weather and crappy, truly shitaceous music whose takeover of the airwaves I'm magically supposed to like. I have never liked Christmas carols, and your calling me names is certainly not going to make me like them, or the season they represent.

I hope your cunt falls off, and Santa doesn't bring you any cunt glue.

I wish more people would be honest. So many actually hate it all when you ask them. The 3 days are alright, (British , we do Boxing Day) it's the whole of December gets me down. You can't get away from it. I've tried ignoring it, leaving it until the last minute, preparing well in advance. Going away doesn't work. Some twat will give me cracker or a stupid hat. Fuck you. Nothing works. Now I just put up with it. Obviously the gay thing, it appears I do it very well. People love coming to us but I truely hate it. I'm resigned to throwing away £1,000 sometimes more every year on rubbish no one really wants or needs. Before anyone says it. Yes, I do also give to charities. If only to appease my own awful feelings of consumer waste and greed. What a difference Christmas would be if we gave all we spend to worthwhile concerns and said let's just have lunch together, no big deal. I'd rather give it all to charities but have yet to have the bottle to say to family and loved ones. You said you didn't want anything, so I haven't got you anything. Roll on January 2nd, It's all over, and I have a whole 11 months to forget the whole false rubbishy thing.

"I have never liked Christmas carols, and your calling me names is certainly not going to make me like them, or the season they represent. I hope your cunt falls off, and Santa doesn't bring you any cunt glue."

I appreciate your providing a verification to my point.

I could say I hate Christmas, but I love Christmas. I've been escaping it every year since I was around 28. I'm in Spain now and heading to London for NYE. I'm going to be 40 soon and need to make some changes in my life. Though travel is fun, I think as I enter eldergay territory, I would much rather be with real friends and a partner running around doing the last minute shopping, opening gifts in PJs tomorrow, etc. That seems more exotic and different than all the trips to runway. I am grateful though. Everyone has the right to enjoy, ignore or spend this time of year however they want. I'm at gay resort with a bunch of strangers who are also escaping Christmas and I think it might get messy later today, so there is that to look forward to.

Detestivus...a holiday for those of us who get it. (And if you don't, then go away. Be happy. Celebrate. This isn't the place for you.)

[quote] Christmas, which is also my birthday will be spent taking care of my bed-ridden mother because her cunt caregiver doesn't have to work any holidays and the agency doesn't work anyone on Christmas or Thanksgiving. I can't wait until it's over.

I’m sorry your mother is bed-ridden. But caregivers are workers and should get some of the holidays off to spend with their families.

To those of you still considering cancelling that “sweet invitation to tonight’s/tomorrow’s Christmas festivities” — choose yourself. A sudden bout of stomach bug. You’ll make up for it soon.

Stay home, sleep in, watch something stupid, read, go for a brisk walk.

Next year, you’ll warn everyone in advance that you won’t be around during Christmas, but you’ll be glad to visit (some of) your relatives the weekend before Christmas.

I’ve been doing this for years now, and it’s truly riveting. While my home is decorated festively, I have absolutely no plans to see anyone. The neighbourhood is quiet, people are gone. I’m all alone with plenty of food and zero obligations.

Make this Christmas your own — do it!

^Hope you don't need those people you're dissing some day, R68. Maybe they'll get a "stomach bug" when you need them most.

R69 puts up a Christmas Tree right after summer.

Looks like this thread has lots of Sads posting.

[quote]Imagine going through life am unhappy, miserable person who blames OTHERS for their misery.

Well, in the case of Christmas, who would we blame but those OTHERS, with their assumption that we all feel "Christmas cheer" and the "Spirit of the season" and that we all want to hear fucking Christmas carols everywhere we go starting at 9:50 pm Thanksgiving night? They're the ones who create the misery. Surely I am not the one forcing Christmas on anyone.

I hate everything about this holiday except for the fatty fat fat foods and, oddly enough, the music.

I couldn't be happier to be on a different continent, in a different hemisphere than the rest of my family.

However, office Christmas parties, related shit I thought I left behind in America, and Christkindlmarkts can all die in a fire while getting raped by packs of wild dogs.

R61 Being happy in life has absolutely nothing to do with it. haha. Get a fucking grip. We are preserving our happiness by not celebrating it and with fake assholes at that. You just concentrate on leaving your cookies amd milk out for "Santa" tonight and finishing your Christmas shopping. Leave this thread to the ADULTS.

I'm tired of the stores being crowded and that includes grocery.

Shitty Christmas carols

Obnoxious kids running rampant

Crappy cookies everywhere.

r71 wins "Most Perceptive of the Obvious" this year for sure.

well, depends on your 'sad' r71. Some people just aren't that into 'family is everything' and big gatherings. It's just not for everyone. Don't be traumatized by it. It's okay.

I still live with family thanks to getting grifted at work/minimum wage/crippling student loans so this year I have no escape. I’m desperately ruminating on R24’s post and plotting how to get at least 300 miles away from this town while I’m still young enough and not end up in his position.

What’s worse is, I’m a Pagan and in terms of meaningful holidays instead of Xmas I observe Solstice )which falls on the 21st). No-one can be fucked to eat a pork roast (that I cook) or light candles or burn a log or hail the sunrise with me on that day, but I’m still culturally obliged by the entire Western Hemisphere to take three days out of my year doing Christian things and abiding by Christian values. I get told I’m just being “difficult” and “special” for asking for a single evening of time from loved ones, but I have to give a long weekend as well a month of money/donations and enduring the tacky trappings, gross food & shitty music. Doesn’t seem fair, to me.

R78 Right. Sad? I'm not feeling sad at all. Christmas is a bullshit holiday based on lies. It's all for the store companies to profit and pressure everyone to be one big happy family when it's really not true. Spending money they don't have on shit that won't last. Horrible music about Santa coming to town and a reindeer with a red nose that glows. This shit is for retards. haha. And people lie to their children EVERY YEAR about it. Do you know how insane and absurd that is? But we're the crazy weird ones. Yeah ok. 👌 haha. My fucking family eats fish every Christmas eve because of some shit in the bible. I HATE fucking fish. So why would I spend the night with people I don't like who really don't give a shit about me eating food I absolutely detest? And then do it all again tomorrow and then the next day for leftovers. Talk about killing your happiness and your soul.

R71 Not sad. ANNOYED. A really BIG DIFFERENCE.

Aside from when I was a young child, Christmas was not that special to me until I met my husband. For 15 years, we truly enjoyed the Holidays and all of the trappings, as we were doing it together. We were building our own traditions together.

We would go to different restaurants in the city at Holiday time, and have drinks at different places, enjoying the atmosphere at each one, thus creating new traditions. It felt very magical and special because we were experiencing it together.

When he left me 13 years ago, I lost my love for Christmas and the Holidays. Being with my family is not as special as the traditions I enjoyed with my husband. Hanging around my nieces with their husbands makes me sad still that I lost mine. No new man has made me feel the way he did, so I have accepted that the Holidays are over for me as a magical time like they used to be.

I'd rather just be alone now.

Aw, hugs, R82!

You bitches always have moi to spread Christmas cheer.

I would celebrate the Solstice with you, R79. Sounds cool.

What species would partake in this absolutely insanity? There's no rationale or logic behind it. It's just insane. Ask anyone why they are actually going along with it and they have no idea. Just because...

R86 EXACTLY. Running around stressed. Not me. I'll see you when I see you.

Thanks R85. You’re totally invited 2020; along with me you can burn a candle or make a log fire on the night of the 21st, maybe enjoying a meat supper & mead/wassail beforehand (spiced apple cider or juice will do!) and garlanding trees (outside!) either alone or with friends. No cards or gifts or awkward unpleasant family reunions and phonecalls required.

It is cool, at least compared to Xmas. For me personally Winter Solstice/Yule is one of my favorite holidays on the Wheel (of the Year) because it’s essentially a rite of letting go and welcoming in the ‘darkness’ of the world and the soul so we don’t fear it. Something I’ve been doing for a couple of years is writing down my fears & misgivings then releasing them into a small fire/candle at my altar as a way of embracing, cleansing & releasing negative emotions. I also like to surround myself with symbols & colors of sunshine as a way to honor the coming ‘rebirth’ (I.e. return) of the lighter warmer seasons. I never got this craven Xtian focus on frost and fake happiness.

It’s funny, you can even see the Paganry behind the Xtian customs if you tip your head to one side and squint. The birth of the ‘new Sun’ into the world became the ‘Son’ of God); the Druid’s revered healing ingredient mistletoe berries to represent fertility (semen!) became chaste tools of a kissing game; the truce between Holly King & the Oak/Ivy King somehow became a carol symbolic for Christ’s suffering; the Wheel Of Life became a Wreath & the evergreen tree decked with candles gained cherubs & an angel on the top...

Still, I’d rather know and live with the irritation all my Pagan life than continue on in ignorance of my true path. I hope everyone posting in this thread had a wonderful Yule and also has a blessed Xmas for what it’s worth. Our grumbles have brought us all together in the spirit.

R79, you need to find other wiccans or pagans in you area and have a big outdoor solstice party somewhere!

Everybody wins if you're able to get out of the house that day. You win, the other pagans win, your family wins!

Another big hug to r82. I'm sorry Christmas is such a heartbreaking holiday for you (and understandably so) - You are not alone.

All of the "I'd rather be alone on Christmas" people (i.e. bitter queens) also know that nobody is going to their funerals when they die either.

At the phone company we got double time for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's Day, so I worked. Co-workers with kids were happy to give me their hours.

Who cares R91, we'll be dead.

R93 That's my point you'll probably die alone. Watch "A Christmas Carol" again and pay attention this time.

[quote]I never wanna hear "All I want for Christmas is you" ever again. ENOUGH.

Think of all the money Mariah makes every time that song is played. And yet she still looks like a fat hooker.

[quote]That's my point you'll probably die alone

So what?

I hate Christmas because it triggers my anxiety which I normally have under control. I've been feeling anxious and worried for a few days now knowing everyone is coming here expecting to be fed and entertained and I'll be the one doing all the cooking and cleaning while they sit on their asses relaxing.

You're never really alone at Christmas, when all your Datalounge friends are here for you.

R91 No more tears and nobody cares. Move it along Tiny Tim.

Everyone shove a candy cane dildo up their ass at midnight!

I went to the town arboretum today, there were plenty of people taking a nice solo walk and enjoying the beauty of the garden.

Sometimes being alone on as holiday is a circumstance, sometimes it's a preference. But being an asshole to the people on this thread makes you a stinking gaping prolapsed asshole, especially if you're doing it in the name of holiday "cheer".

[quote]Everyone shove a candy cane dildo up their ass at midnight!

I’ll be doing just that while Pete is at Midnight Mass!

I wanted cha-cha heels.

that's what I love about these "Christmas Cheer" types. It always comes with a threat. Enjoy this fucking golden time of year, with Comfort and fucking Joy, or goddammit you WILL die alone bitch.

Ahhh, shaddup.

Christmas hasn't felt like Christmas since Trump was elected. In fact, nothing has felt normal since he took office. It just feels like the world has been turned upside down. I turn on the TV and it's All Trump, all the time.

I just want life to return to normal again.

I think I just want to have sex tomorrow. I mean, I'd love to be in the holiday spirit, but no one around me is.

^^with who, Santa?

[quote] I've been feeling anxious and worried for a few days now knowing everyone is coming here expecting to be fed and entertained and I'll be the one doing all the cooking and cleaning while they sit on their asses relaxing.

I can empathize, R97.

I took a “medical leave” last year when my Mum became seriously ill. The “leave” segued into this year when my father was hospitalized 4 times and underwent major surgery on Dec. 4th.

I love the holidays and have done everything feasible in my power to care of my beloved folks and make things as easeful and smooth as possible. (Including holiday decorations and cooking.)

The difficultly lies in extended family: my mother’s sister and her family of 6 in September descended upon us for a nightmare visit of unreasonable entitlement and outrageous behavior (things like sending me a “shopping list” before their visit of over 50 specialty items required....throwing food on walls and ceiling [kids]......refusing to eat meals unless prepared a certain way, etc.) It was no wonder that my Father ended up in the hospital 2 hours following their departure with a blood pressure of 197/94 and an ejection fraction of 30%.

Now the difficulty is that said relative has suddenly announced (note: not asked) that she and some family are arriving after Christmas to stay over a week. She was recently diagnosed with cancer and is undergoing chemo with side effects and wants to “get away” by flying cross country to a warmer clime.

My gracious folks are too soft to tell her not to come. But I am hurt and furious. We are still healing (Dad from surgery, and I from the stress-induced flu).

I’m now anxious and dreading the ramifications of the visit: catering to an obtuse, self-absorbed family member over a time which would have been spent wisely recuperating over the holiday.

Sorry DLers. I appreciate the thread and the ability to release energy at the frustration of our current predicament. Can’t seem to make headway with my loving parents who have difficulty standing up to untoward behaviors: when it just makes the load that much more challenging at the moment.

I am wishing you all health and happiness.

IDK about you all but my yearly Christmas tradition is that when the clock strikes midnight, I get FUCKED! Guys LOVE hooking up on Christmas Eve. Last year I had to share a hotel with my family but in separate rooms, so I was able to discreetly call an Uber and cruise across town to hook up with an unusually hot college professor I met on Tinder. Even you bitter queens should put yourself out there and try it! It's the giving season.

[quote]Seems to me that people who cannot find some shred of joy or happiness in their lives are usually just selfish drama queens who enjoy being miserable.

I'm another solstice/Yule celebrant, like r79. I have fun throughout the season with select friends, so I don't feel the least bit "miserable." I find plenty of joy in the holiday season and wish friends and family a merry Christmas or happy Hannukah. I listen to holiday music when I feel like it.

What I don't do is jump on the consumerist bandwagon, try to force feelings that aren't there naturally, or assume that holidays are wonderful for everybody (especially those who grieve). Nor do I assume that excessive decorating, the noise pollution of mediocre carols blasting 24/7, or obligatory gatherings are necessary for people to feel happy.

Some people get overwhelmed by all the manufactured cheer and phoniness and are happy for a quiet day off, or are glad for a much-needed break from others. Give them that gift, rather than demanding that they meet your needs. There are other people to celebrate with.

It starts in October, the trees, the songs, the sappy commercials. When December finally gets here I can't wait for it to end. Happy New Year!

I'm gonna pray to Saint r111 tonight.

Seems to me that people who demand that everyone love Christmas as much as they do and go to every event they want to go to are actually controlling bitches who don't actually get what the whole thing is supposed to be.

Aaaw, thanks, r113, but I'm far from saintly. More like Krampus, to be honest. 👹

R109, you need to take control of that situation and start establishing some boundaries. That ridiculous Aunt needs to be told that your father is recovering from surgery and you will not be entertaining any visitors...so she will need to find a different climate to “get away”.

And last time, when she sent a list of 50 demands, you needed to write “Cannot be accommodated” across it and sent it right back.

And when her family refused to eat, you should have just written down the address of the nearest Red Lobster and Hampton Inn, and then shown her the door.

Jesus R109. Your life makes me grateful that my family leaves after six hours and I won't see them again until Easter.

The reality is family always ruins Christmas.

R103 I swear to god I was gonna say we need Dawn Davenport up in here. She knows what's up. R110 You better get that Christmas Cock.

Noooo Dawn! Not on CHRISTMAS!

Don’t I know it R116 and R117.

Problem is, when I begin discussing this with the parents, they become agitated (as do I) and physical parameters come into play. (Elevated heart rate, BP, stress, etc.)

There is a strong loyalty belief in family (hence my moving in to care for them) which becomes distorted in unhealthy situations: aka Aunt.

I would have liked nothing more than to do as you suggested, R116, but I am not in my own home to do as I would wish (ie, letter of demands in Sept. was sent to my Mum who was undergoing her OWN treatment at the time). The grumblings and frustrations I expressed then served to agitate my folks....and then eventually by extension, myself. It was easier to just deal with it then.

This time I am VERY angered. My parents know it. And I vacillate between setting up my own boundaries and refusing to participate or acknowledge the visitors, or dealing with them to assist and make it less challenging for my parents.

It’s a tough call for me. I do know I’d like nothing more than to be in my own home at the moment to appreciate peace from all this.

r120 is a great example of why "family is everything" is a stupid fucking philosophy. But whatever, people live with that shit all the time. But seriously, r120, you have to tell this bitch to find another free hotel.

R07, why did you agree to do all the things you're bitching about. Next year, just say NO. "

For those who are so concerned about the funerals of posters here, why don't you reflect on this quote by Orson Welles:

We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone.

I am going to donate my body to a "body farm" and there will be no funeral. Those who have loved me and are still alive, are free to celebrate my memory in any manner they see fit.

[quote]^^with who, Santa?

I mean, if he's date-ready...

R120, tell the "relative" that your parents arent well enough to accept visitors for more than a couple of hours, but they won't admit it so you are putting your foot down. And that you yourself dont have the ability to care for someone with "cancer", as well as two frail elders. So if "relative" wants go stay at a hotel in the area and come over for xmas dinner she's welcome, but that's all you can offer.

If your father objects, start to cry (loudly), say how mean and thoughtless "relative" is to you, and you just cant put up with her for more than a dinner. Make shit up if you have to, but you probably don't.

They'll probably be glad if you take over and keep Aunt Cuntlette home where she belongs.

R121 (and R122?) -

I did NOT agree to have Aunt From Hell come.

She is my Mother’s sister and she contacted her directly to “announce that she would come and visit”. She stressed she needed to come because of her current situation (and I believe also is playing on my parents’ empathy, given the physical challenges they’ve both experienced recently.)

I have thought of contacting said Aunt directly and telling her and her family not to come. She would surely contact my folks and that would bring up all kinds of difficulty......unfortunately. MAJOR ordeal given back story (they come from difficult background....)

well that is a little different r127. I still think you need to tell your parents and your aunt, hey, enough of this shit, you can't just barge in, sorry, sorry about the cancer, but fuck off (in nicer words of course, but still get the idea across).

Do you live in the same city as your parents, r127? If not, you could just stay home.

in the meantime, I have to say, bitching on Datalounge, that is not the worst Christmas Eve I have had. Sitting around in a big circle talking about nothing but stupid shit at my husband's family's house, that sucks infinitely more.

R129, I moved IN with my parents...was living on one coast and they, another. At the time, thought this would be temporary as I eventually hoped to return abroad (and parents’ coast is closer to the foreign country).

This whole experience has turned out to be longer, more challenging (and in some ways, rewarding), than I imagined.

And I have told parents what I would say to Aunt (stay somewhere else, etc.) and they feel like this would be an affront/offence/etc. ( esp. given backstory). And given Aunt’s determination to visit.

I disagree wholeheartedly: I think it’s an affront for the Aunt to even come (she passed out yesterday from chemo, yet is still flying cross country in a few days). Craziness.

Oh, and if it clarifies things, I am an MD (who was working previously -until the medical leave of last TWO years- with non-profits abroad).

r131, you are not getting this, it IS an affront, do it anyway. do the affront. Do the offense. Just do it already. There will be upset, there will be pissed off, there will be annoyance. Do it anyway. your aunt is a pain in the ass. Save your parents. Just do it, do what they are too weak (in every way) to do for themselves. Tell the bitch to make other plans. Yes there will be fallout. Yes there will be anger. Yes there will be hurt. Do it anyway.

Thank you all DL.. Appreciate your thoughts and insights. You’ve provided much food for thought.

I will see how I can best utilise the insights for the benefit of my family.

Not going to be without conflict, but something needs to be said.

Best.....

good luck, guy

R132 is correct, MD-caregiver. If you can't care for your own parents and cater to the bitch aunt as well, put your foot down.

Tell your mother that you just can't look after Dad and Auntie as well, and that Auntie will have to hold off on extended visits until Mom is strong enough to do the catering herself. Yes, there will be hurt feelings, but if Aunt stays, then there will be hurt feelings as well... yours. That does count, even if nobody else thinks so.

Amen, r106. There is so little to be happy about. Our building cancelled its annual Christmas party after he was elected and hasn't had one since. And these were actually FUN parties!

[quote]I think it’s an affront for the Aunt to even come (she passed out yesterday from chemo, yet is still flying cross country in a few days). Craziness.

You should really start praying that bitch dies somewhere over Nebraska. Problem solved.

As your parents get older, sicker, and more dependent on you to take care of them... you have to essentially “become the parent” in this situation and take control and set limits of what is appropriate or not.

You need to just take control and say “no” to your parents...it’s not possible for the Aunt to come any more in the future, and there’s not going to be any further discussion about it.

My favorite Christmas was spent mostly with Sikh taxi drivers and muslim whores.

Do you think Shawn Mendes is menstruating tonight? On Christmas 🎄?

The holidays are exhausting.

Aw don't bring poor Nippy into this.

Poster with the suck Aunt - I get it. I really do. If you tell the Aunt not to come she'll call her sister your Mom and complain and you will look like the bad guy when your mother caves, and she'll also be out the airfare money...my guess is Auntie is also fearful she's going to die and wants to see her family. I get all that.

....but burning out and losing your shit while taking care of three adults during this whole reunion is not good for you either. Just because you're an MD doesn't make you responsible for the health care of everyone in your family.

Call the aunt up and have a gentle, heartfelt conversation with her about the fact that your parents are in poor condition and you have your hands full taking care of them. Tell her you're very sorry but she can't stay at the house and if she still would like to come, you can help her find a hotel or motel to stay at.

OR accept that the ball is already in motion, she's already coming and staying at the house and all that's left is for you to make the best of it and make sure this never ever happens again - the everybody dumping on you at the same time thing.

I honestly don't know what kind of woman going through chemo and passing out would want to put herself in someone else's house so that they can watch. Whenever someone I know is sick, or battling cancer, they usually want to be left alone in privacy.

R128, my sister used to do this, go behind my back to my parents to get what she wanted. You seriously need to stop it because it will not end until you end it.

Mission accomplished.

I overheard one woman telling another that only three weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas wasn't enough time. It felt like three years to me.

R133 let us know how it went!

[quote] I honestly don't know what kind of woman going through chemo and passing out would want to put herself in someone else's house so that they can watch. Whenever someone I know is sick, or battling cancer, they usually want to be left alone in privacy

Thank you for your thoughts, R142. I share and have observed what you posted: most prefer to heal on their own terms....in places that are familiar and comforting. And private. But everyone is different, and perceive Aunt as being oblivious to the challenges she presents to others in a quest for her personal satisfaction. Believe she is craving interaction and further “care”.

[quote] let us know how it went

Will do. So far in the thick of it as am in a standoff with family now on Christmas Day. Not pretty.

Am trusting things will improve.

One thing I do appreciate is DL and your postings.

Thank you and wishing you all well this day.

I'm with you R11, on that app. I just don't want to participate and don't really care.

This thread's official theme song =

NOEL

Schastlivyy Christmas

For all those who think christmas is about something positive. Remember, it's a celebration of a bronze-aged baby who was brutal killed about 30 years later. It not all entirely positive, is it?

I used to adore Christmas so much that I couldn't even sleep the night before out of excitement. Nowadays it just depresses me. It only serves to remind me how much everything has changed and how much happier everything was in the past. I would give anything to be a child on Christmas Day once again and just feel that immense joy without a single care in the entire world. I have never felt that as an adult and doubt I ever will again. Nowadays I just think of the loss of my youth and innocence and can only see phony cheer from family members (some of whose health fades more and more every year but they have to force a smile and some of whom will go right back to hating each other as soon as the holiday gathering is over). It just feels so artificial and I don't like anything that feels forced or unnatural.

I'd love to have a Christmas like the Hallmark movies but as an adult, I just can't do it. It isn't the same anymore. It is more depressing than happy and I hate that I am saying this, but it is true.

R109, if you’re having the flu, that is extremely dangerous to a person on chemotherapy. That’s a perfect excuse to refuse to have them. Say you’re sick and contagious and can’t be responsible for what happens. If someone is on chemo, their immune system is through the basement and a bout of flu could easily turn into pneumonia, which could finish them off. Talk to your doctor or your parents’ doctor, and tell them the situation, they can tell you what to say.

A person on chemo shouldn’t be flying during flu season anyway, at least without wearing a mask at the minimum. That recycled air and badly cleaned cabin is a hotbed of flu virus. She must be nuts to risk that for no reason.

I’d also tell your parents’ doctors about the health issues they caused your parents on the last trip. Try and get some backup from him.

If your flu is over, lie and say you still have it. I took care of my sick parents for years and this would just be unacceptable. If your parents are too wimpy to say no, you’re going to have to do it. Talk to their doctor. If your dad is being hospitalized with blood pressure that high over a stressful visit, he could die. No visit is worth that.

Its December 25th. How long before they start shoving Valentine's Day down our throats? I bet you all the Valentine's Day shit hits the shelves by January 2nd... that is, if it's not already up there.

[quote]I overheard one woman telling another that only three weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas wasn't enough time. It felt like three years to me.

It is if you're hosting both, like I did. It sucked. Felt like groundhog day.

I saw Valentine's candy in my neighborhood grocery store yesterday.

I hate excessive commercialism, regardless of which holiday it's for. If a holiday is shoved down everyone's throats for months, it ceases to feel special.

December 26 - To Do List

1)

2)

3)

4)

5)

December 26 - To Do List

1) Vigorous Masturbation

2) gluttonous overeating

3) Pornhub/Dateline/Family Guy

4) 6 hour nap 😴

5) 🍷 , repeat 1-4

R159 if only.

I’m from a hillbilly trash family, and by the afternoon of the 26th everyone’s on their second wind and their fiftieth drink, enough that all Hell breaks loose.

It looks a little bit like this.

^ for the win!

Ex credit: if the outdoor turkey deep fryer set the house on fire🔥!

I still hold out hope that this Christmas, each year, will be somehow better or different than the last, but it will never be while the fucking bitch who is my son’s mother in law holds all the cards and monopolises our grandchildren every bloody Christmas. He didn’t even call or text this year, so the lot of them can go and boil themselves in oil with sprigs of holly in their mouths.

^Oh it’s all coming out now! This is surprisingly healthy. Right the wrongs, the DL is here for you.

Why not, I hate Trump? That is something I could get behind.

Both my parents died this year, within a month of each other.

I spent the day yesterday by myself, walking around town, filling up little libraries with some of their books, and dropping twenties into buskers’ baskets. It was the prefect way to spend Christmas this year.

Sad? Yes, but I think I have the right to be. I had many a joyful Christmas with them. They are gone. Christmas is different now.

The fraus who try to guilt and threaten people into being cheerful are evil scum. You have no right to judge how someone should be feeling. Fuck off.

Who is the gentleman capturing Lindsey's attention?

Lindsey looks happy.

I love my family, but they are so dysfunctional at the moment it is hard to spend a few days with them and not be vey sad. I offer them my ear and advice, exchange a few gifts, make a nice dinner and then skedaddle!

I will NOT be doing this schlep and visit next year. I'm in my mid 50s, and I think I'm all done. I'm staying in NYC and making my own holiday, and if they want to visit me, they can, but of course they won't.

R165 that’s the beauty of anonymity.

R160 sorry, but George is third in line, and has been since birth. Should he become King before his 18th birthday, someone else would act as Regent. And God forfend that it be that oaf Harry, or that somethingaphile Andrew.

Sorry R160 here - case of the jumping threads. At least your comment had more credibility than the dick I was replying to.

I don’t hate Christmas. I don’t even mind being with my immediate family, who are pretty laid back. We usually just go out to a restaurant the day after Christmas. And I love the time off from work.

What I don’t like is being obliged to attend parties hosted by certain friends and members of my extended family who transform into Martha Stewart and then drag everyone into their persnickety HELL. My partner’s best friend lives with a sweet woman who is a fine cook, but her dinner parties go on for HOURS, with a zillion appetizers, three exotic main courses, and sickly sweet desserts. You can’t relax and enjoy a conversation because everyone has to help her get the next elaborate course ready, wash dishes from the last course, chop up stuff for the dessert, etc., in a tiny kitchen that wasn’t meant to hold more than 2 people. And she anxiously monitors you to make sure you eat absolutely everything. If you don’t, she’ll interrogate you about what’s wrong, and/or point out the exotic ingredients she used to make that special food just for you. If you aren’t praising every bite on your own, her S.O. goads everyone along with, “well sweetie you outdid yourself. Isn’t this pepperoni and pineapple sauerkraut just wonderful?? What do you guys think?”

It was exhausting. It’s a command performance we go through every year. But when we suggest going to a restaurant, or having a relatively simple turkey dinner at our home, we are are rejected because “she looooves cooking for us.” I’d rather have pizza.

Grow a spine and stop going, R173.

R153, every single word you have written speaks to me deeply. R142 here. I really struggled this last week. It's like I'm hardwired to be excited for Xmas....but now I don't know what for. I see family treating each other horribly all year, abadonning one another through illnesses and feigning "love" from a distance. That's not love to me at all.

...and it's so damn sad to me to see the season play out now that I'm on the other side of it, no longer a kid, no longer carefree, seeing how truly hollow it can be. The 24th comes, everyone groans and says I love you...if they even care to make the effort.

And Christmas just goes on without you, even when you have good reason to abstain. Even if you want to celebrate, it just feels wrong. It's jarring.

At least you and I had that joyful feeling once. What about those who never did? I spoke with a few folks this year who for different reasons weren't normally celebrating - one was Jewish, one lost his mother at ten and that made it all impossible to enjoy. At least we had that joyful feeling for a time.

I'm hoping to feel it again one day. Let's not give up, okay? It'll never be as it was...but maybe in time we'll be with people who lift us up, or a new situation that allows us to feel celebratory.

...I bought a bunch of new decorations last year. Just found them today. They're nice. Maybe one day, it'll feel right to use them.

Maybe not.

Also, r167 that's beautiful. I get what you mean about it feeling right to be sad. I'm proud of you going out there and giving those in need.

I wanted to maybe do something like that, make a gesture of goodwill, but I couldn't even go outside. Seeing the decorations or parked cars in drivewaves...would have messed me up.

I hid inside, pretended (poorly) that it was just another ordinary day...and cried.

But that felt about right.