Realizing perhaps I’ve lowered my standards a bit too much

When I lived in NYC, I had just cleaned my stove wearing an old ripped sweatshirt that I didn’t mind getting the elbows grimy, then went to walk my dog and get a coffee near Times Sq.

I sat down to rest and some woman put a quarter in my empty cup, and told me to make sure to feed the dog. I was wearing brand new Gucci sneakers too.

Have you offered guests your cum rag as a napkin, as well, op?

OP is Rosie O'Donnell

So the lesson from this, if you're going to steal, dress to the nines and do it.

Wait a second, that's from Frasier, R1! Slightly modified

What's an "eating blouse?"

You have a designated eating blouse?

It's the blouse OP wears when he's eating. Because he stains.

I'm picturing something like this

I'm suffocating!!!

Don't ask about OP's menstrual hut.

[quote]I forgot I was wearing my badly stained eating blouse...and the security guard at Walmart asked to see my receipt.

Kudos, OP. I actually laughed out loud.

It was the "eating blouse" that got me. I picture OP changing into his eating blouse, then plunging his face into a huge trough of food accompanied by guttural grunting and Ave Maria or Flight of the Valkyries.

And, Rosie, PLEASE don't wear bike shorts in front of children!

If one has a blouse designated just for eating the security guard was probably making good judgment.

No, R9, that's his wipe-his-ass blouse.

[quote]Don't ask about OP's menstrual hut.

You're killing me...

That was a bad oversight, op. See that it doesn’t happen again.

Or at least wear matching eating pants or something.

^^Oh God - eating pants - I'm dying here.

They’re my cupcake pants, thank you very much.

I have six pounds of Velveeta in my pantry.

R20 OMG! Are you confessing or bragging?

OP, was your eating dress on strike?