Let's Be People Who Post on DataLounge

I'm one of the Ms

I'm Vivian!

The OP's thread is ironic to the meta degree. Ha!, good times.

I’m the queen that tracks all previous threads and is outraged whenever someone posts a new one instead of spending time continuing one started 10 years ago.

I’m the queen that is CONCERNED that so many celebrity careers are going straight down the shitter and demands to know why.

I’m the grammar snob

I’m the queen obsessed with autocorrect typos who feels glorious intellectual superiority when she gets to type, “Oh Dear”.

I'm the sad sack who has to resort to tracking an opponent's posts and revealing my findings. At some point in a debate, it's all I've got.

I take porn seriously.

I’m the dumb queens that hijack the thread by getting in a catfight over some dumb detail.—because saving face and being proven right matters when no one knows who you are.

Let me derail this thread with a comment about circumcision.

I’m the dementia queen that posts something irrelevant in a thread, followed by a Whoops, wrong thread.

I’m the devil’s advocate cunt who flames you by arguing that whatever problem you have is probably your fault - or not really a problem at all -just to be an annoying, contrary bitch.

I'm the poster who accuses other posters of being "fraus".

I'm the one who drops by daily for the humor. I'm always searching for and sometimes typing some funny shit

I’m one of the few intelligent men on here, being amused by your catty, ignorant, fictitious posts.

I’m the paranoid schizo who thinks anyone who disagrees with me is a Russian troll. I announce everyone I’ve blocked and then freak out when I can’t see their posts.

I'm the nice, respectful one. I don't hate other types of LGBT people, respect women and am not racist or contrarian. I get mowed down by my louder, more aggressive peers. I quietly persist nonetheless. But my ulcer is expanding.

I’m the PR agent for the Willis sisters. I monitor the web for mentions about them and then when I find a discussion I join the thread talking about what nice, down to earth girls they are and how they’re much prettier in person.

I’m the tranny killer. I come here after a fresh kill. I can’t help it, it’s a compulsion and it has become part of my ritual.

I'd be a Fanyu, but thank goodness I've been banished.

I'M JUST HERE FOR THE COCK AND ASS. MY WIFE HAS NO IDEA.

GOD BLESS,

I'm the poster who manipulates the ignore function to squeeze out a Trolldar determination.

I usually scream out STOP CHANGING YOUR IP ADDRESS!!!

Who here has posted as M Darfur Orphan Cheryl or any one of our icon denizens?

I'm the thread-killer who, when the OP asks to "name one thing that ___", proceeds to post a goddamn laundry list of 50+ things.

I’m Colin and I’m currently accepting applications for my next Sugar Daddy

I'm the loser who keeps making fun of Liza's speech pattern and thinks it's a goddamn laugh riot.

I'm the seventh Bud Light that makes a table of straight bros scream : "Let's see what the gays think about us!"

Then one of them just happens to stumble upon this website by chance and posts a pic with the plea: "Who is the hottest?" or "Rate that booty".

Later, I will be vomited over one of the bros' cock. "Sorry, dude, I've never done this before."

I'm the unnaturally gorgeous poster who creates all the threads about how ugly so many celebrities are.(regardless how really attractive they are to 99% of the population)

I’m the Gap Playlists spaz whose sole achievement in life is having worked for a middling retail outfit. Try Spotify honey, it’ll blow your mind. x

I'm the skeptical one who drives away those who claim to have inside information about politics or celebrities by calling them liars.

This whole damn site and thread, is a psychiatrist's worst nightmare.

I'm the posters who think "did you present hole?" and "Anne L. Lingus, MD" are funny in Every Single Situation

Yet it's been a good 40 years since we were in seventh grade.

We are the Insane Foreign Fan Fraus who come to DL to post about our crush.

We are quite disappointed in him and believe he is probably gay or bi, which also explains why is not currently our boyfriend.

We post here multiple times a day, analyzing his every social media uttering and every citing of him, real or imagined.

We stalk his friends, relatives, college roommates and fellow actors. Like seriously stalk them--we will pretend to be someone else in order to get the college roommate to accept our IG follow request so we can search for photos of him.

We will debate his sexuality and his talent with the passion and vigor of constitutional scholars. No minor point or tick or local TV commercial filmed when he was 24 will be too obscure for us.

We will use Google translate to turn our words of wisdom from our native Slavic dialect into something resembling English.

In days of yore, we stalked Pace and Harold and Cumberbatch.

In times present, we are stalking Barnes and Hammer and Chalamet and Hueghan.

We bathe weekly.

^^sighting not citing

I'm the PrEP warrior. Life is a banquet!

Fuck you for your racism, YourMillennialFriend. Internet is international and not a US domain - something no ignorant and entitled USian will ever understand. There are no "American sites". Anyone can write here, so there are no foreigners. There sure are ignorant hateful pigs like you though and that's why the whole world hates you people. And I mean HATES you.

I’m monogamous - even though I represent 5% of the gay population, I am part do the 75% of DLers who are convinced I am in a monogamous relationship because my love is on a higher plane.

I'm the BernBottom. Daddy is a better gay man than that fraud Mayo Pete!

I’m R25’s cousin, who, on any musically themed thread, posts100+ songs one after the other because they are all THE GREATEST EVER.

Invariably, I have atrocious taste.

We are The Maiden Aunt Brigade. We live (and post) by these principles, known as The Three Horrids

1. SEX IS HORRID. It is only performed by disease-ridden whores and can only lead to sexually transmitted diseases and fatal infections, none of which can be stopped by condoms, let alone PreP.

2. TRAVEL IS HORRID. The world beyond our corner of Flyoverstan is frightening and filled with horrid brown and yellow people and restaurants that don't have jingles. Sand is itchy, water is wet, you can see things like the Eiffel Tower on the internet so there's no need to actually visit it, Broadway shows are for communists and the seats are far too small. [Our one exception is Disney. We LOVE Disney and it is the only acceptable place for MABbers to travel to.]

3. FRAUS ARE HORRID. It is completely unfair that these unworthy tarts were born with udders and vagines and can thus attract all the straight men we lust after. We make far better potato salad, decorate our homes far more tastefully and only rarely cradle our mugs. Thus we devote much time and energy into mocking these fraus and their ways. [What? They are NOTHING like us! NOTHING! How dare you! Can I please speak to a manager! Muriel?? Muriel, are you there? --I know the manager personally, YMF!]

I’m Kathy Griffin

I’m Kathy Griffin

I’m the anti-trans troll. I try to talk like a gay man, but my breeding shows through. I’m here to create division because I got turned on by a MTF

I’m r45.

[quote] Who here has posted as M Darfur Orphan Cheryl or any one of our icon denizens?

Who hasn’t?

Hi Everyone, it’s me. 💩

I’m to week from famine to post 😰

I need no introduction.

^not funny

I'm The Anonymous Comic.

Still going strong!

I have received 447 WW votes and have posted 323 replies to threads.

I like to make people laugh...

I'm the thoughtful man sharing my spank bank in the Hunky Men threads. I worry about my friend who collects pics of Men Presenting Hole, for I have not heard from him in months.

I am a 57 year old man with a massive crush on a 23 year old Instagram model

I will start a thread about my beloved and react ferociously when the inevitable "he's okay but his left nipple is too big" critiques start.

In the interim, I will post a dozen of his IG photos daily, each with the sort of cutesie captions fifth grade girls favor like "Flex those pecs!" and "Fresh as a daisy!" (post-shower shot)

I follow him on IG and I've DM'd him to tell him how much I like his photos. I hope this time he responds.

I'm the Leslie Jones fan who keeps bringing her up in SNL threads even though she is no longer on the show.

[quote]I follow him on IG and I've DM'd him to tell him how much I like his photos. I hope this time he responds.

We have 30-somethings here who do that, to be fair. One had a Queerty article written about him doing that, earlier in the year.

I'm the Frances Cleveland troll!

I'm the one who gets a little burst of joy when a thread about Murder, She Wrote or other quality crime shows of yore appears or gets bumped!

Link to the article please, R55?

I'm the one who calls out every thread as being fake and then gives it a rating of 0/10.

R58, I'm 99% sure that the DLer in particular is still around, and has a tendency to send Muriel furious emails whenever he feels disrespected, so I give him a wide berth, and am hesitant to link the article (that mentions him by name) directly.

I’m the DL who takes every post and thread so incredibly seriously that I see nothing funny. I’m insulted by most any thread because I believe that Datalounge is a place where Mensa candidates come to have serious quality conversations. I too record each persons responses so that I can throw them back in their faces when they don’t see my point of view.

There have already been several threads on this OP. Would it have killed you to have done a search before you posted this? Would it? What’s wrong with having a little consideration for others and doing a search first? Would it really have been that hard? Would it? Are you going to be able to give us an honest answer to this? Are you?

I call SHENANIGANS on R48. You tried to steal my identity, and I'm reporting you to LIFELOCK right now!

Any real DataLounger knows that it's [italic] " 🚶Darfur O "

I'm the commenter that chastises you for judging others.

I could have ignored the thread, but then how would any of you know how better I am than you.

I'm the "Jealous, Bitches?" thread troll.

😘 I'm the "Concerned Uncle" sending hugs and pinches to all of my loyal DL followers !

R65 And NO ONE is jealous of you either.

Just to let you know.

I’m the ignorant cunt that always poses a question in her post and then says “well?” directly after it.

Omg, R60, HAHAHAHAHAHA, I found it! Thank you, mate, I haven't laughed this much in days!

I’m the pedophile that posts pics of barely legal dudes and try’s to normalize having sex with them (really still boys at 18 years old.)

I am whelmed but I post in the Underwhelmed thread to fit in here.

I'm the "I'll Start" Troll

R67 Do I need to ring your care home and tell them you've managed to find a way to get online again? Now go mutter obscenities at an empty chair, you senile old slag.

I'm the Chief Corrections Officer for the [italic] DL Grammar Police Department.

I’m YourMillenialFriend. I’m 67 years old.

💨 I'm "Fartin' Garten"

R73 Bitch, I'm younger then you.

I’m the scat troll @r76

R78 Liar, Liar .....Your caftan is about to go up 🔥 in flames.

It is true that 90% of the time, the "Jealous, Bitches?" troll is enjoying some processed Flyoverstani delicacy that sounds unduly vile.

As in "Enjoying an entire box of Little Debbie Snack Cakes covered in Breyer's Chocolate Mint Ice Cream, Hershey's Fudge and Cool Whip. Jealous bitches?"

R45 is a fucking liar!

He is ! I am r45

I’m the troll who gets triggered and calls posters Aspie

Falsely claiming to be R45 is literal violence!

I’m the Sharon Tate troll

I'm the "stank sleeve" troll.

I'm one of the numerous pron queens who is completely and totally infatuated with "straight" pron star grifters from Sean Cody, like Stu and Brandon. I worship and adore them, and stalk them on-line and in person every opportunity I get. Sometimes I pretend they're my boyfriend because, after all, they're so hot.

And if it wasn't for other losers like me, these guys respective threads on DL would have died ages ago.

I am Vairst Letty.

Menny pipples post here on my bebest, er, eauggh, beHAFF. Some of them don't hate me.

Must go now, heff much to do. Well, rilly, just wait for Donhult to die, but that take all day.

I’m Sarah, Duchess of York persevering and surviving it all.

I’m the spirit of Diana, Princess of Wales who will never leave you.

I'm the Poo Shoes accuser troll. She's all over this thread.

I’m the Repigs who never stop lying, cheating and defending the criminal motherfucker in the White House.

The topic is "people who post on Datalounge" R92

Not "people you read about in the news"

SMH

Я - Ольга, руководитель московского бюро ФСБ, которая платит 10 копеек за каждую должность D L.

Какие пизды тебе мерещятся здесь, R94. Здеся даже хуев нету

I'm me! No one I'd rather be!

Thank you, Muriel and DL, for helping me to regain so many of the Gap In-Store Playlists that I lost.

Happy Holidays!

r95, Пожалуйста, прости меня, но "make your mussy moist" не переводится.

I’m the “Elder gays tell me about” troll and I’m really an elder gay myself looking to live in nostalgia and get jack off material because all my friends are dead.

R91 Hi Poo

I'm the Locker Room Troll

I post about how wrong it is that young hot guys won't let me leer at them as they change and I bemoan the loss of the group shower.

I try and frame it as a social issue, that men benefit from being naked around other men.

But everyone sees through me.

Nonetheless, I post the same crap once a month.

We're DL's most fucked up posters..

We defend Kevin Spacey, Bruce Weber, Bryan Singer and similar freaks

We write things like "these wimps just need to toughen up" and "I'm sure he could have said 'no' if he really didn't want it to happen" or "older men have been sleeping with younger men since the ancient Greeks" and "a model? Well what did he expect???"

We still receive mail from the North American Man Boy Love Association.

I'm the Concerned Rim Team Mom, and I am constantly vigilant!

I’m YourMilennialFriend’s alter ego

R48 ...... "to week" from famine?

You're not only guilty of identity theft, you're also guilty of failure to spell correctly.

You either get your GED, or I'm hauling your scrawny ass to reform school.

Maybe R104, they were saying they were two weeks from famine.

I'm John. I live in my mother's basement in Toronto (and sometimes Vancouver depending on the thread) ) with my father. She hates us both because she's Japanese, he's Chinese, and I'm half and half. Oh, and don't even get me started about used textbooks.

A week without food would make one weak.

I'm the PR accuser troll. Whenever a single poster makes a mildly positive comment about someone that DL is tearing to shreds, I swoop in and accuse them of working for X or Y actor /musician /celebs PR team. Because it's not humanly possible that someone out there might actually like a famous person that I hate.

I'm Mrs Patsy Ramsey, formerly of Boulder, Co.

R109, see R49

Sorry R49/110.

In that case I'm the cunt who posts links without any explanatory caption and expects people to click them.

I am a page she’ll posting pro California propaganda that nobody who actually lives in the state is dumb enough to believe anymore.

I am a paid shill posting pro-California propaganda that nobody who actually lives in the state is dumb enough to believe anymore.

I'm the theatre queen who never gets tired of discussing the original production of FOLLIES!

I am one of many.

I’m the shit stain that uses the word: “shill,” all the time. It’s annoyingly af.

I am a woman. It doesn't matter what I came here to say, it's just important that I start my post with "I am a woman" so you will acknowledge and respect my position from the outset.

I’m the anti-gay anti-woman troll trying to disguise my homophobia and sexism as progressiveness by making it look like it’s gays’ fault and women’s fault, so I lob the sexist and homophobic slur “anti-tr*ns” and “T*RF” on them to claim that liking cock while having one yourself isn’t gay as long as at least one of said cocks is covered by a pair of panties.

I am a person of refined sensibilities. I start the "Tasteful Friends" threads.

I’m the lazy fucking moron who won’t spell out the fucking phrase “as fuck.” It’s fucking provincial as fuck, you fucking fuckhole! Fuck!

I'm the FtM troll who keeps posting photos of FtMs in the hope we will all see the error of our ways, the scales will fall from our eyes and gay men will suddenly want to fuck women with scarred chests and really patchy beards.

I'm the poster who points out that Datalounge is not what it used to be.

I'm still me

Filled with glee!

Happy Holidays!

We’re the [italic]Golden Girls[/italic] queens who somehow manage to find a quote for almost every occasion.

I am one of the posters who truly appreciates the contributions of the GapPlaylistsGuy - you are positive and upbeat, a breath of fresh air amongst the cantankerous elders and hissing queens around here.

I’m the Woody Allen troll. Every time Woody is mentioned in any context, I’m right there to remind you that 1. Mia is a crazy, abusive mother 2. Dylan is a liar and 3. Soon-Yi was at the age of consent when Woody took those naked photos of her.

Oh, and did I mention there’s nothing creepy AT ALL about fucking and then marrying your partner’s adopted teenage daughter?? And god help you if you disagree with me!!

Don’t cross me—I’ll write thousands of paragraphs to bury you, if need be!

I’m nut evun gunna resssspondd too R27 hezzzz crazzzyyyyy

R19, triggered as fuck, much? Hysterical queen.

I'm the one who loves threads about the 70's and 80's

It's imperative that I know whether the subject of our discussion is cut or uncut.

[quote] I’m the Woody Allen troll. Every time Woody is mentioned in any context, I’m right there to remind you that 1. Mia is a crazy, abusive mother 2. Dylan is a liar and 3. Soon-Yi was at the age of consent when Woody took those naked photos of her.

4. Unlike Woody (or Michael Jackson, or even Kevin Spacey for that matter), Mia's brother actually is a convicted pedo.

I’m the RAGE troll. If you post something that I even mildly disagree with, I will fling expletives, racism/Russian troll accusations, and other unhinged declarations at you faster than a chimpanzee flings poop. I can bring down even the funniest threads—I am the Debbie Downer of DL!

In my world, there is no such thing as “pointless bitchery,” differences of opinion, rational debate, or shades of gray. There is only MY TRUTH. And don’t you forget it! (And yes, I have a shelf full of participation trophies.)

I'm a random man in the street named Boris. Why do you keep accusing people of being me? What did I ever do to you?

R130 IS the real R125!

That was quick, huh?!!

I'm the guy who accuses anyone who disagrees with me of being:

—Paid GOP shills

—Russian spies

—The same person using multiple accounts/faked IPs

—Heterosexual

And even though I hate Ronald Reagan and still to this day blame him for killing all my friends and not the fact that all my friends were slutty whores who refused to use condoms even after I begged and pleaded with them, it's because of him closing all the mental hospitals that I haven't been locked up in a rubber room by now.

That would be 4/5ths of the posters here R128

[quote]I don't hate other types of LGBT people

Yes you do if you lump gays in with self-mutilating homophobes.

[quote]respect women

You do not respect women by supporting a bunch of misogynisTs.

I’m r136. I just can’t help but quoting ion and throwing everything back in your face because I’m a pervert.

I’m a “fag”.

I'm R137. I'm a homophobic POS but I will twist and turn every gay person's words to make them look like the instigators.

R136/139 is so projecting. FF

Homophobic fascist troll R140 is projecting by accusing those smart enough to see his bigotry and calling it out of doing it, thereby proving the original point. Bigoted scum like you do that all the time.

Accusing me of projection is an act of projection in and of itself. I don't project, I read to filth. And you, R140, are homophobic FILTH. I will not be str8splained to by Uncle Toms who will gladly sell out the next generation of gay people rather than admit the Left's complicity in promoting gay erasure.

I'm the Dollface Alert troll. People hate me. People want to kick my ass and make me lick vomit. Yet I persist.

I'm the amateur psychologists.

That's a redundant statement if ever there was one, R144.

It's the word "dollface," r143. I HATE dolls. There is nothing complimentary about calling someone or something "dollface." Dolls are even creepier than clowns.

Fair point R143

"Dollface Alert" posts are the ones where I think "there's a man out there who is EXACTLY like my mother's great-aunt Sophie, right down to the loose-flowing capri pants and house in Florida"

I'm Ernst who won't shut up about my 6"6 husband and pretends I'm a prude when someone asks me about my sex life.

I'm the lunatics in the BRF/Meghan Markle threads who post the same thing every few hours for months on end until something new happens.

[quote]I’m the RAGE troll. If you

I'm the person

[quote]post something that I even mildly disagree with, I will fling

who quotes every sentence from your post

[quote]expletives, racism/Russian troll accusations, and other

and replies to each and every item

[quote]unhinged declarations at you faster than a chimpanzee

repeatedly

[quote]flings poop. I can bring down even the funniest threads—I am the Debbie Downer of DL!

because I think I am so smart

[quote]I'm a prude when someone asks me about my sex life

even though I often include quotes from other posts written by other people because I get confused.

I. Am. The. Idiot. Who. Thinks. Making. Every. Word. A. Sentence. Makes. His. Point. More. Valid. It. Doesn't. It. Makes. You. Look. Like. You. Are. Severely. Autistic.

I am Anne L Lingus, MD. I am responsible for reporting the various levels of anal hygiene as it relates to the subject at hand

I'm Amenhotep, the Resurrector of Ancient Threads. I'm on fire today.

I am R152

I did not read R33

But man was I funny back in 7th grade!!!

Hey-- did you read Yellow Rivers by I. P. Daily?

I'm the embarrassingly condescending false equivalence between hate speech and verbal retaliation against said hate speech.

I'm the person appearing on random threads accusing random people of being anti-trans even though the thread topic has nothing to do with trans and the person accused has never voiced any anti-trans rhetoric.

I'm the xenophobic prick who thinks it's funny to use Google translate to put statements in Russian that can easily be translated back to English on the same site.

OR some of us speak Russian and are not American, R157. Who's xenophobic now?

R156, you were "accused" of being anti-trans because in another thread you first linked to a wrong R which was about trans rights and then corrected yourself. I think the accuser was actually attempting a lame joke.

R158 Thank you so much for that clarification. Now I can see how it happened. I appreciate knowing.

R157 ты подлый человек

R158 Velmi dobre! Not all of us are deprived of other languages. Thank you for speaking up.

We are all the stupid, ignorant, and uninformed statements we don’t have to read anymore thanks to the ignore button. It has created a lot of gaps in this particular thread.

This is the best thread ever except for, of course, the dumb queens on here that always take the Datalounge seriously.

Our Millennial "Friend" sounds like a Bossy Bottom.

I’m the non-New York resident that tries to convince myself and others that my life is worth living in my shitty state and city. I wasn’t successful enough to live in the best and only city for any respectable gay man. I’m trash but try to convince myself I’m not.

R164 - “YourMillenialFriend” has never had sex.

I'm Yvonne and this is it!

I’m Andy Cohen

I’m telling you at R169 so I don’t have to tell you later: Respect my boundaries.

I'm R165 on this thread, and I'm typing from my 5th floor studio walkup that I share with 2 other people, right here in the heart of Manhattan. I think I'm living a grand life, and that every gay man is envious of my lifestyle. Truth is, I'm fucking miserable, broke, and alone, so I spend most of my free time on line convincing you rubes what a great place Manhattan is. .

Gotta run. I don't want to be late for the $12.00/hour shop bottom job. Otherwise I won't be able to pay my share of the $7500.00/month rent for this rat infested, yet fabulous Manhattan dump.

R170 - I’m R170 typing this from my suburban track home located in some random subdivision in some random “square state” that I’ve convinced myself is an affordable, satisfactory place to spend my life. I have no true passion or self respect. I’ll die alone and depressed very soon.

I’m the person who posts “so young” on every “...dead to me” thread and sign my posts Olivia deHavilland.

I am the height of hilarity!

R165 I feel it’s definitely bitchy Dallas Prada lipgloss bottoms that get so worked up. Dallas is a shithole and the gay scene is horrendous. Every Queen there acts like Cruella DeVille.

R173 - “Lipgloss bottoms” is the most accurate description of Dallas homos I’ve ever seen.

I’m one of the few intellectually superior men on here that is amused by you silly “uncle bottoms” that truly believe what you say matters to anyone.

[quote]I’m one of the few intellectually superior men on here that is amused by you silly “uncle bottoms” that truly believe what you say matters to anyone.

An intellectually superior man who doesn't know when to use word "who"?

I don't think so.

Hi Everybody, It’s me! Oprah Winfrey

R37 you mad bro?

You might as well call us US -satans while you're at it 😂. It's not like anyone is going to take you seriously anyway

Hi, Donald @ R178! So you too ended up here, huh, old bag?

I'm the eldergay who just can't understand why young people today can't pay for college by working a part-time job, and have their own apartment instead of living with their parents. If I did it back in 1975, so can they. They're just lazy and spoiled!

I'm the poster who thinks "USian" will catch on. I'm also retarded.

I’m the anti trans bathroom troll!

I'm Charlie Brown I'm currently in jail for possession of marijuana and resisting arrest. Snoopy is coming to bail me out and later serve as my legal representation in court.

I’m the Christmas Moose. I post at Christmas, and Easter. Also Independence Day and basically all the time. I paid my fee, so suck it up, haters.

Aren't you in jail, R184?

^technically not a “person” who posts on DataLounge.

I’m StevieNicksFavoriteCokeSpoon . I’m still figuring out this humor thing, but I tried.

I'm the 52-year-old who assiduously consults Know Your Meme and Urban Dictionary so that I stay "hip" and "with it," as the children say these days.

I’m the Tori Amos fan. I’m a protected minority. Don’t fuck with me!

I'm the crazy Riz Ahmed fan who tries to turn every thread she opens to the subject of her obsession.

R14 - I am the posters that runs down the "CB Fraus" and Celebitchty every chance I get because I cannot stand people who see something good in Meghan, think Cathy Cambridge is a bit on the lazy size and believe both duchesses are equally talented social climbers.

I’m Bonnie Franklin, and I am about to slap R167 across the face for stealing the opening line to my show!

What’s a CB Frau?

I am not In jail, R185,: you carnivore!

I'm the first-ever post on Datalounge. I was scrawled on papyrus leaf leaf.

I am The Royalist Queen. One of many, to be certain, but arguable the best and most informed about All Things Royal, from the beginning of time to the current crop. When someone invariably posts something incorrect, I do not shriek at them but haughtily and passive aggressively correct. I like a bit of good natured infighting between my (less informed) peers.

I like in some godawful nondescript city in Ohio or somewhere. My house is full of books about the Royals and every commemorative plate I can get my paws on. I haven't had sex for 35 years.

R196 - Do you collect British biscuit tins that have the Queen Mother's face on them?

I’m a fat whore ☹️

I’m the Instaho of the week. I’m lurking in the thread that’s all about ME! I found my way here via a Google Alert for my name. Follow me, for how can I exist without your validation? x

Im the one with the boderline , narcissistic mom!

I'm one of many idiots who seem to turn up on popular live threads to shout at and insult everyone for being interested in said subject.

I'm a "we" troll.

I use "we" because I think it will multiply the effectiveness of my poisonous post...because "we" trolls are always NASTY.

I’m the poors that obsess over Aldi’s and Trader Joe’s and whine about people who can afford to shop at grocery stores that aren’t total dumps.

I’m the douch that is r203

I’m Tommi DiDario. My publicist thinks DataLounge is good exposure for me!

Conversely, R203, I'm the one who proudly details all the good items available at the Dollar Store! Not to mention the pound cake!

I'm Nick, bartender and life coach.

I serve hard drinks for men who wanna get drunk fast.

I'm here to remind you pixies of a time when a coupl'a guys ordering rum punch and mulled wine and talkin' about angel wings would get you thrown outt'a my joint.

Or woise.

Thanks, R124! That was nice to read!

BTW, if you worked at Gap from 1992 to 2006 and saved the appear playlists that came with each month's CD/tape, would you please share them with me? Contact me on the blog!

Give Gap!

Happy Holidays!

I’m the admonishment troll. I scream if you don’t do a search first or post a picture or link. I’ll also smart smart off if I don’t thing your post doesn’t have a point.

Time for bed, R209

I am a member of the British peerage whom everyone erroneously believes is Mr. Scott Thompson from the Canadian television show Kids in the Hall.

R209 I’m sorry, what’s your point?

I am the Canadian actor whom everyone erroneously believes is R211

r153, we are Sumerian housewives.

Yes, R153 & R214, We are The Real Housewives of Sumeria. I have a yogurt recipe to DIE for!

I am the lurking deplorable

I'm the dogmatic boomer leftist.

I am the person who has to ruin every fucking thread by starting something with anyone just because

Hey! Thanks for the shoutout, R148! I would just like to remind everyone that it is not me that brings my husband into these posts all the time. Random trolls like to ask about him.

But if you had a guy like mine with a huge heart, funny sense of humor, and a great dick that he uses like a champ to repeatedly blow your mind, then you would talk about him too.

Have a great evening.

Be mine, Ernst!

I'm the idiot who got sued by Melissa Gilbert after I tried to peddle the Shit-Bra on "Shark Tank."

I'm Pranching Ponies.

Sorry R220. As R148 pointed out, I am taken by a 6'6" man. Did you know his favorite color is blue? Oh, sorry. I just can't stop talking about him.

Christmas Moose, are you enjoying this time of year? This is YOUR time!

Ernst, you made a Christmas Moose cry at Christmas! What a debacle!

R219/Ernst

Tell us more about this great dick your 6’6” husband has. Does he contain it in blue boxers? So many unknowns.

R224, I hope he cried for his time being recognized. I would be torn apart if I knew I made him sad.

I am Prophetess Juanita "Jazz Hands" Bynum.

Look at the LV handbags Jesus just blessed me with! #Blessed

I'm her pussy.

I’m the poster who posts everything twice.

I drive people insane.

I’m the poster who posts everything twice.

I drive people insane.

Ernst! Listen. You didn’t answer my question at R225. This is why people think you’re a prude.

Hey Ernst does your 6'6" husband like to be rough and throw your around in the bedroom or does it treat you like his little princess?

Sorry R230. I thought it was self explanatory that people have more than one pair of underwear. Blue boxer briefs are a yes though.

Both, R231. It depends on what the mood is. But we definitely do both of those things (minus the princess thing, I'm decidedly male...)

Ernst = Erna still trying to pretend she's desirable and not an ugly old troll.

I'm just someone sitting back marveling at all the different ways (at varying degrees) people attempt to be entertaining here!

Ernst is not Erna. You cannot fake his sincerity.

"Ernst is not Erna. You cannot fake his sincerity."

R204 = poor Aldi troll.

[quote] I’m the poster who posts everything twice.

This is a KNOWN problem, especially when you hit the "Post" button twice!

[quote] I’m the poster who posts everything twice.

This is a KNOWN problem, especially when you hit the "Post" button twice!

R233 Nah, I don't believe that for a second. Erna and Ernst have very different writing styles and tones . And I don't think Erna could change his style at this point. I imagine that at this stage Erna speaks in public how he writes on DL.

I'm the people who get mad when someone DOES do a search and bumps an old thread.

"Who bumped this old thread?"

"Why did you bump this old thread???"

"This is an old thread!!!"

I'm the link troll who continuously spams threads with zillions of gifs/Youtube videos/photos, few of which are actually interesting.

I'm all the people who seem think there's a single, solitary "troll" who complains about grammar or posts about topics that many people are actually interested in (like the Royal Family). If anyone posts about Janet Jackson they MUST be JanBot, etc.

I'm related to all the people who think any recurring character like Darfur Orphan or Patsy Ramsey is a single "troll" who is somehow ruining the quality of pointless bitchery on DL.

I'm the idiot libertarian who thinks all regulation is bad, so we'll regulate the regulation instead.

I’m the idiot libertarian troll who also thinks that the everything should be subject to the free market, except for the value of a dollar, which must be rigidly fixed to the value of gold.

I'm the poster who tries to derail every restaurant food thread with "it's better if you make it yourself"

I'm the one who looks at posts from one group of people and compares them to posts from a different group of people and then claims that we, the members of the DL, who are, apparently, homogenous, united group of people are somehow contradicting ourselves.

R232 Hey Ernst is your 6'6" husband strong enough to carry you and fuck you in the air while you wrap your legs around him or do you two just resort to missionary 95% of the time as expected?

I am the insensitive queen who is constantly lecturing other people on their racism, sexism, and homophobia while thinking nothing of dropping mental health slurs that are just as hurtful if not more so.

I'm the Troll Troll whose only job is to go around accusing people of being {insert noun} trolls. I truly believe I'm the voice of reason and the arm of justice.

I’m the idiot fascist troll claiming state force is the answer to everything while spamming DL false statistics to back up these lies while using xenophobic hate speech against anyone who points out why they are wrong.

With false statistics

I love and adore the word "stan". I'm an irritant of the highest order.

I’m the troll that posts flippant and dismissive remarks to flame any OP addressing a problem or requesting advice. I really think some cunty retort that sounds like a line from an old Bette Davis movie or a Golden Girls episode is quite hilarious. You can find me parked at the end of any low rent gay bar, glowering at everyone who is mobile, under 40, and and weighs less than 300 lbs.

I’m the queen that argues something is a lie or untrue just because it didn’t happen to them personally.

“I got verbally attacked at X”

“Well I’ve been there many times and I’ve never been attacked“ (it didn’t happen to me therefore what you are saying can’t be true)

[quote]I love and adore the word "stan". I'm an irritant of the highest order.

I’m the homophobia inherent in referencing Eminem by referring to any extremely passionate fan of any performer as a “stan.”

Datalounge is GAY space, bitch! The only “stan” we refer to here is named Zbornak.

You have to wonder if this thread, with its identifying of various, sometimes annoying posters, is going to resonate strongly enough with those who truly ARE annoying posters and demonstrate to them the errors of their ways...???

"Hmm...they're right. That IS me!".

Unlikely, R257. Trolls by definition swim in a sea of denial. For example, I did recognize myself here (SJW, calling out sexist, racist etc. remarks) (I don't attack people with mental illness slurs though) but I fully believe that I'm right and my input is needed, so I won't stop, har har har 😈🤖

R248, I don’t know about carrying me. He’s definitely picked me up and leaned me against a wall before...maybe I’ll see what shenanigans I can get into today and report back.

I’m the aging queen that just turned 50 and realized as a graying ghey... there’s only more aging and Datalounge to look forward to!

R259 Thank you Ernst. I'm looking forward to your next thread in which you tell us all about all the fun you have in Christmas.

I’m the mother of a beloved gay son, who comes here to be hip and trendy on gay culture and manages to “casually” drop some lingo into a conversation to impress him, who sees right through her.

Hi! Nina from Joymakers.

I’m R234 I come on here thinking I’m a member of Mensa. The best part of it is I just keep coming back!!!

I'm a glutton for punishment. I'm also a glutton, period!

Im am the one who make typo and then realize we can't edit out posts!

I'm the anti-feminist anti-gay pro-trans troll using progressive-sounding postmodern doubletalk to promote retrograde ideas about human sexuality. No, turning a pole into a hole will not make str8 guys want to fuck you, you fat whore, and you just cut gay and bisexual men off as potential lovers as well.

What’s a house?

I'm the hypocrite who trashes every gay icon who actually has earned that status but has a shit fit every time someone calls out a washed-up Baby Boomer-era cultural footnote for her moral and artistic shortcomings.

I’m the anti British troll. I constantly post threads about how annoying the British are with their bad teeth, bad manners, drunken behavior, filthy hygiene, hoarding habits and yadda yadda yadda

I'm the anti-American troll who pushed R270 over the edge by projecting my own country's faults onto yours when I'd be speaking German or Russian now without you.

I’m the pro-American troll. I think the only ideas worth discussing are from the USA or about the USA. I think of foreign countries as below us in education, spirit, desirability, and wellbeing. The drunken Irish, the smelly French, the orally-challenged Brits, and the Nazi Germans are all dirty trash.

You guys are THE funniest! Thank you for making my day. Seriously.

I'm the cognitive dissonance of any DLer calling anyone else's well-justified hatred of Jennifer homewrecker Aniston "unhinged" while constantly posting slams against Bonnie Franklin and Linda Lavin.

I’m the idiot, ignorant millennial that asks what Judy Garland’s appeal was.

I'm the Justin Trudeau Concern Troll.

I'm still very CONCERNED, two months after the election.

I'm the poster who throws the word "troll" around as if posting extensive TV trivia was no different than threatening people without provocation.

Hot r248

"Troll" has its own special meaning on Datalounge, r277, much closer to "stan" than "someone who threatens people without provocation."

R274 Sounds unhinged

IM THE ALL CAPS TROLL AND IT MAKES MY POINT MORE EFFECTIVE.

I'm the desperate queen who started a sex thread about John Krasinski when he'll be lucky to ever even get the sexual attention of an actual gay man.

I am the DL poster that still does not know what a 'Prancing Pony" is.

I’m the poster who can’t edit myself. I never hit the enter or return key, so my posts look like one, solid block of type. I might also pepper my posts with a WORD OR A PHRASE that is in ALL CAPS because I need to MAKE AN IMPORTANT POINT in my ocean of text!!! As you can see, I also use an extra exclamation point or two, when NECESSARY!!!

[quote] I’m the troll that posts flippant and dismissive remarks to flame any OP addressing a problem or requesting advice. I really think some cunty retort that sounds like a line from an old Bette Davis movie or a Golden Girls episode is quite hilarious. You can find me parked at the end of any low rent gay bar, glowering at everyone who is mobile, under 40, and and weighs less than 300 lbs.

Hey, I only weigh 299 pounds thanks to Oprah and Weight Watchers! And in this crappy lighting, I easily pass for 35. Now pass the bread! What a dump! Fasten your seatbelts, it's gonna be a bumpy night! If I'm good and do what I'm told, I'm Mama's little angel and Papa says I'm good as gold. I lied, I wanted the prune danish!

I’m the Celebitchy/Lipstick Alley troll who gives herself away when she references previous posters by typing [R23] or [[R45]].

Ernst, are you Joel's neighbour?

I am the Celebitchy troll who signs post as 'Proud CB Frau"

Thanks, R261! I’m looking forward to it. We’ve always spent Christmas In Columbus, but we aren’t in his parents guest room this year, so it’ll be great.

R287, I do not know Joel. I’m not sure who you are referencing.

What’s a CB Frau?

I am Datalounge and I hate all of you!

R291 - What have all of us pretend posters of the DataLounge commentariat done to you?

I’m Cathy Mitchell and I wish you all would make my delicious dump recipes then take a shit in my mouth.

I’m fat assed, foul mouthed, pot-smoking, craft-creating Rosie O’Donnell. I lock myself in my craft room for days to get away from my annoying family who always has their hand out. I get 6 meals plus snacks delivered every day, including pizza, Italian food, Mexican, and fried Oreos.

i am the poster who NEVER starts their post with a capital letter.

I'm the poster who uses endless dots to end their sentences...........

I'm a whore.

So. Put your ten cents down on the table. What post number do you think was the pre-amble to the rants and tears that this thread turned out to be?

My dime says people were triggered in the #70-something posts. However, if your feeling was hurt well before, please raise your wrist and rattle your pearls.

I'm a depressing relic of the 1980s whom only the poster gives a shit about and thus only the poster thinks is funny to drop the name of in any given situation.

Ernst, you never gave us an update on what shenanigans you got into. Or, shall I say, what shenanigans got into you.

R300 = Madonna

R301 My 6'6" husband and I had a mutual jerk off session. We lay side by side in bed and when I was about to come, he put his pinky finger in me (blush)! I don't remember the last time we had such intense sex! I must get him in the mood more often. We will have sex again on Christmas Eve according to my schedule. I will keep you guys updated. Behave!

^impostor! Not sincere! You can’t fake it!

R301, real Ernst here. I apologize for the delay. Last night was Husband’s company Christmas party so we were a little busy.

If the impostor at R303 taught me anything, it is that I might need to be a little less prude. I will admit I am generally a pretty vanilla person, but not nearly that boring.

So, Husband came home from work early so he could relax before we got ready. We ended up showering together (*gasp* when did Ernst get so scandalous!) and he may or may not have received a blowjob (spoiler, he did).

Spent the night all spiffed up at the party. It was generally alright, but I never feel completely comfortable at those events (some people drink a little too much for my liking). After, we went up to our hotel room and that’s what the shenanigans began.. long story short, the answer is yes. He is big enough to pick me up and carry me during sex. It was really sexy, I ended up asking him to do it again this morning.

I hope that wins me some points from some of your trolls who always ask for the details.

And then he fisted me.

I am the lackwit who confuses popularity with quality when defending someone who can’t act who keeps getting work.

R305 Thanks Ernst. You have won enough points to last you till Christmas. I will leave you alone for two days.

R305 - not for me. You had sex three times in 12 hours? Do you always have that kind of endurance?

I'm the troll who's always saying gay men are only really attracted to straight men. I'm an idiot.

R309, TBH, he has a really high sex drive and I like it. I never complain. But yes, three in 12 hours!

R311 Did he cum inside you?

I'm the long time liberal eldergay, sick of the intolerance of the younger left and their "cancel" culture. They call me right winger often because I don't drink their kool aid, I just roll my eyes.

I’m a typical far leftist troll calling R313 a deplorable while thinking the word f——t.

I’m the anti-white troll who eventually drops an anti-gay slur sooner or later.

I’m the poster who says gay guys are only attracted to straight guys.

I'm the racist old geezer who's still trying to appear righteous on this thread.

I am the yellow skin troll who has hopefully died in a grease fire.

I am the hot young Instagram model’s older manager/boyfriend who posts here to drum up interest in said “model.” I’ve also secured 20% of all bookings I manage to snag and merchandise rights.

I’m the shady Puerto Rican faygele who’s convinced I’m running the corporation I work for, even though I’m an uneducated office admin. I stalk my cute boss and plot against him because he won’t give me his juicy verga.

I’m deluded, pathetic and probably a drag queen. But I’m DL’s favorite joke.

I am the hyper- vigilantly self-conscious person (like every gay man ever) who will be meta constantly, and even be meta about being meta including posting about a thread of meta posts.

R321 - what’s meta mean?

Is this misuse of “meta” a millennial malapropism?

R323 Well that's a good reflection.

ADJECTIVE

1. (of a creative work) referring to itself or to the conventions of its genre; self-referential.

Ernst, how many times have you made you hubby blow today?

I'm the attention starved asshole that keeps posting polls for the sole purpose of taking up all of the god damn page.

I'm the shy lurker who is madly in love with the Poll Troll and rubs one out in seconds just thinking about him

R327 - I’m the poll troll and I’m flattered! By the way, I’m the 6 foot 2 inch white guy with impossibly thick chestnut hair, devastating smile, and a muscular physique.

I'm the pathetic Anti Semitic troll who blames the Jews for everything

R324 So it’s a misappropriation of data science technical terminology, used by the morons in literary criticism.

Meta in technology is information that describes data. This sounds like poseur bullshit.

OP here. I started this thread to be fun, as a joke. Now it's really gone downhill. Is there a way to kill it?

R331 Not until Ernst answers r312 & r325 questions.

[quote]I'm the pathetic Anti Semitic troll who blames the Jews for everything

He's gone, hasn't he? Thank God.

He was a REAL little Nazi.

[quote]I’m the poster who says gay guys are only attracted to straight guys.—I’m saying the truth, even if some gay men deny it.

I'm the three idiots who WW'd that post.

Fun Fact: Someone died, someone suffered, and it was twenty-eight years ago today.

[quote]I'm the pathetic Anti Semitic troll who blames the Jews for everything

I’m the white gentile liberal Tom Willis-type condescendingly scolding Jews with that “you’re no better” crap for verbal retaliation against said antisemitism.

I’m the troll who thinks uncut penises aren’t filthy, stinky, bacteria ridden Petrie dishes full of dick cheese and living microorganisms.

I'm the moronic poster who finds characters like Ernst and BILL TAYLOR funny and I desperately try to keep interacting with them as well as keep the already-lame gag running.

No one else finds them fascinating except me.

I'm the hundreds of trolls who seem to love this photograph and are always bumping the thread.

I'm also ME, continuously blocking it cos it grosses me out.

I’m the person who doesn’t read the thread and posts the same joke that was already said four times, in spite of it being an obvious joke the first time.

I am original and a riot. I like me.

I'm the thread starter whose plea for compassion doesn't go as planned. I respond to the shade thrown at me by exploding into a massive hissy fit or by attempting to stear the thread to another direction by replying to myself in the manner I was originally hoping to see. It never, ever works.

I'm the poster who can't help but point out that r330 has made the least meta post possible.

I'm the 'is he a diaper fetishist?' troll.

I am the guy who farted in an elevator without getting cards and posted a thread about it on Datalounge. It’s like the equivalent of confession for Catholics, although I’m not sure it is technically a sin. I sure hope not. But I sure as hell am not going to double-check the Bible to find out.

R344, were you expecting greeting cards for your fart? This must be another millennial thing that I don’t understand.

I'm the weirdo who keeps posting that straight men don't wash their asses as we sit in large office spaces reading Datalounge filled with straight men and it doesn't stink here.

I’m the guy who makes up stories about “my friend” that never happened

I'm the AA Troll. Every thread I post devolves into the same 3 people arguing for 72 consecutive posts about whether or not alcoholism is a real disease.

I’m the one that knows who posted what where. Because it really fucking matters. Oh why don’t IP addresses get posted everywhere? I could fill up my whole day doing this useful OCD behaviour.

Yeah, I’m nosy and need a punch in the head. Gay bar style.

I could fill up my whole day doing this useful OCD behaviour.

I'm the poster who actually has OCD and resents the constant misattribution of annoying behaviors to OCD. Pro-tip: if the person seems to be enjoying themselves, or feels righteously attached to their behavior, it's not OCD!

R342 Yes, you could help yourself. But you won't. And how's that career going with your degree in literary criticism? Still pulling coffee at Starbucks?

I'm the posters who are tops with a skinny dick or a dick that is 90% foreskin who pretend that they are bottoms who enjoy these things.

r352 is a very angry bottom who is tired, TIRED, I SAY, of all the skinny turtleneck boys trying to convince him that their dicks are worthy of his hole. Will no one rid him of these meddlesome foreskins?!

I'm the WW troll moron.

I WW every single post in a thread.

It's a new way of being pointless and annoying.

OP? We ARE the people who post on Datalounge.

I'm the cunt who passive aggressively WWed R354.

R235 Pierre, sweetheart, I hope you're joking. Ernst used to reply to his own threads, even complimenting himself which was quite awkward. It's pretty easy to fake sincerity online. I do enjoy his persona and the stories, though.

That’s it, R357! You’re kicked out of the Ernst fan club!

R357 is right! That Ernst is terrible.

Hey, did you guys know Ernst got a 1,700 on his SAT? I didn’t think it was even possible, but I was talking to him yesterday and found that out.

Fuck. Did I just compliment myself and sign the post. Damn, I’ll have to be more careful.

Oh, right - so the only person talking about Ernst, is Ernst.

Damn straight, R361.

R357 LEAVE OUR SWEET PRECIOUS BABY ALONE

R359 You did start a marry/fuck/kill thread just to say you'd marry yourself. And just when I had started stilt walking lessons, plotting to steal you from your tall husband... I was hurt, Ernst! Hurt and betrayed!

Sorry I didn’t respond sooner, R364. I was busy planning my self-proposal.

I'm the poster complaining that Ernst somehow manages to be more annoying than AIKC on his worst and John during his Seth MacFarlane obsession combined.

We're the hypercritical trolls.

When some manager/obsessed fanboy posts a photo of a clearly good looking actor or fanboy, we will point out minor flaws (nipple placement, small moles, ear roundness, wardrobe choice) that we are convinced turns this 9.5 or 10 into a 4 or 5.

[We weight 311 lbs and live in mother's basement.]

I'm the Misogyny Troll

I show up in every thread about Hillary Clinton, Elizabeth Warren and Kamala Harris to proclaim that the only reason the other (gay male) posters and/or American voters don't like our heroine is that she is a woman and they are misogynists.

Our shorter posts clock in at 1200 words

I'm Becaftaned Uncle Cookies. I'm a brand new recurring character who just showed up on a new thread a few days ago. I'm a Christmas Miracle.

Yay for Becaftaned Uncle Cookies (BUC)!

Ernst is the new Della.

Both are fucking annoying and both are blocked.

I'm the one who announces I've blocked someone. My words thunder with angry power!

I’m the poster that comes on here defending Della but I’m really Della using another browser because everyone knows what a true ass hole Della is.

I'm the one who says "Google is your friend" whenever someone asks a simple factual question.

I'm the dumb cunt that comes to Datalounge to ask a question that I should have googled first. I'm a stupid selfish mother fucker and will wait all night for someone to give me an answer. I'll actually have the nerve to get irritated when nobody responds or somebody suggests that I google it..

I'm the BernieBro who is convinced that if I start eight to 10 anti-Pete threads a day, I can turn the gay community away from him.

I'm the lonesome psychopath. I start deliberately offensive threads in the hopes that I will stir some emotions and get some attention - the attention nobody wants to give me IRL.

I'm especially active around the holidays when my saner relatives suddenly develop dangerous ailments, rendering them incapable of visiting me.

“Dear OP, I heard about your fart in the elevator and wanted to congratulate you in this card. Hallmark doesn’t make “Congratulations on your fart” cards, but their Hanukkah cards were half-off, so just ignore the menorah.”

Keep it up, R374. Stupid people can be trained.

We're the anonymous losers who call out Ernst for putting himself out there

I'm the histrionic naif who posts a long, emotional response to an obvious EST. Later I will make several more posts chastising people for not taking OP's plight seriously.

I'm the recent troll who finds possibly homophobic tweets from random black women with a couple hundred followers (mostly bots) and posts them to stir up DLers

I'm Milo Yiannopoulos, the only person who ever starts threads about Milo Yiannopoulos.

I'm the one with Asperger's.

I'm the one with Borderline Personality Disorder.

I'm the one with a dogeared copy of the DSM-IV.

There are FOUR Domestic Sex Manuals?!

I am Miss Warwick.

And I have one of Re's death-display shoes for sale on eBey (the diva's online shopping network, complete with a toe piece of heel still in place.

(So I had to work fast. Sue me.)

But if your auction amount wins I suggest keeping it in an outside grotto over winter until it cures out.

And don't forget my latest album for all your "slept through Christmas" gift needs!

Otherwise, fuck you and fuck off.

[R388] That’s what friends are for!

R384 Which one? It’s very IMPORTANT you identify each of us separately.

I hoped so r333. people who hate so much scare the crap out of me

I'm the little bitch who declares any post over two lines as an EST.

[quote]There are FOUR Domestic Sex Manuals?!

They keep renaming them. The latest edition is titled "The Melissa Benoist Story."

I’m the person who takes the “oh, dears!” in stride and with a sense of humor, the way it’s intended.

[quote]I'm Milo Yiannopoulos

Cunt

I’m a fat frau. No man in the real world even notices me so I come here and suck up for attention.

I’m real stupid.

And fat.

R396 - my only friends are “fat fraus.” I love them. I can be myself around them and let it all hang out. And we never have dates so we can hang out on weekends.

I'm the desperate queen insisting everybody "Go Asian" because supposedly they don't cheat.

I’m the Mayor Pete Troll.

I need to be shot in the head but I’m too delusional to see it.

I'm the person who tells every poster that there's already another thread on the same topic.

I’m the poster who hates Brad Pitt’s lovely penis. I still have opinions about the sex lives of working actors.

We're the SWAT team beating R399 to a bloody pulp the moment we trace his IP.

I’m R402. I just proved R399’s point in spades.

Someone already claimed to be that poster, R400

I'm the cut and paste poster who responds to every sentence another poster wrote in a prissy know-it-all manner. I'm a total cunt.

I'm the deranged asshole poster who demands to know why you didn't post a link or search for the topic before you started your thread.

Will somebody please SHIT IN MY MOUTH!!!!!!!!???????????????

I am the only poster who deserves to have his fingers broken and, if he doesn't change, his arms amputated and his voice box removed (so he can't use dictation software). Who is he? The "see" queen, who thinks we're supposed to remember at reply 536 that something was already posted at reply 74.

He even does this when the question asked is a matter of opinion, such as "favorite food" or "favorite album." Per his limited mind, two people aren't both allowed to like lasagne alla bolognese or Fleetwood Mac's Rumours. This is a cuntessa di tutti cuntessi, one who deserves to go into permanent exile.

I am the (doubtless numerous) trolls who appear on every Hollywood gossip thread demanding proof of what's being said.

Kind of an overreaction R407

I actually find it sort of interesting when someone else likes the same lasagna or Fleetwood Mac album that I do.

Yes, r409, exactly. So how am I overreacting?

r407

I'm the rare poster who doesn't wish extreme physical violence on other posters.

You want to maim the poster who points out to you that someone else also posted they like Fleetwood Mac whereas some of us find that sort of interesting and would thank said poster rather than maim them.

I'm the "Ha ha! He's SO not gay!" Troll. I pop in every "Closeted Male Celebrities" thread with the same script:

"I know him and have hung out with him many times. He is SO into women! NO gay vibes there at all ha ha! He doesn't care if people think he's gay but he has a different girl every night. SO not gay ha ha!"

It doesn't matter which flamingly obviously closeted male celebrity it is, I will be there to assure everyone that I KNOW HIM AND HA HA He's SO NOT GAY! HA HA!"

r412 But the "see" queen wants stop people from posting something a second time. If he had his way, he would prevent you from getting that information you find "sort of interesting."

I’m the posters who know blabbermouth workers in film/television and would share third-hand gossip.

It’s just that the idiots telling us about celebrity and celebrity-adjacent activities also throw in methy rainman comments. You never know what to believe.

I'm the poster who had sex with that famous A-list actor when I met him at the car wash twenty years ago.

But since he is now married and has kids, I won't tell you who he is.

(Of course I am making this up to troll DL, but that will not stop posters from pressing me to tell them who he is and me teasing them further)

I’m the poster who wishes violent death or suicide on people I don’t like.

I’m Hitler, and am grateful for this place.

I'm Uncle Bottom wondering why people don't take my big city exploits with my curious nephew seriously.

I am the insufferable cunt who throws a fit and calls for F&F of any thread that may contain even a tertiary reference to something that has already been discussed in a different thread.

LOL, R418!

[quote]Adolph, no longer in last place.

Adol[bold]f[/bold], you pretender. Adol[bold]f[/bold].

You are all nasty judgemental cunts.

[quote] You are all nasty judgemental cunts.

And?

I'm Catherine Zeta Jones and I'm 32 years old.

I'm the freak who shouts at and insults people for linking to the "Daily Fail" and somehow haven't noticed that about 90% of links on here are to the Daily Mail.

I am the Spaz Troll.

And nothing, R424. I was just being a cunt is all. Carry on.

Im jackie on assistance

Im jackie on assistance

Im the humble bragger who grossly overstates my income, job title, net worth and living conditions.

I am the double poster

I should die in a grease fire but yet here I am double posting

I am the double poster

I should die in a grease fire but yet here I am double posting

You do realize double posts are an old DL bug, R432, don't you?

You do realize double posts are an old DL bug, R432, don't you?

Took too long, r434.

I'm the one who's always angry.

What do you mean, which one?

FUCK OFF AND DIE!!~!~!!!!!!!!@#@#$T$T%#$!~!!!

I’m the useless queen with nothing better to do than pull posters past threads they have started and post them as some kind of “evidence” of their contradiction.

I'm a certain Jewish Nazi who shall go unnamed. I call for the death of all hetero, white, goyim without realizing how hypcritical, not to mention batshit crazy, I sound. When called out by people on DL and told to get help I shriek "ablist prick". I am also convinced I'm a person of color despite being as white and blond as an Aryan, whose belief system I've adopted towards non-gay non-Jews. I am extremely mentally ill and my own family hates me. In the past, I've tried spamming the board when a thread I don't approve of gets popular.

^^^^hypocritical, that is.

I'm the Welp Troll.

You are all PR shills and Russian bots.

[quote] just ignore the menorah.”

I won't.

Anyone still need a tissue?

Told you there’d be tears. Nasty cunts had to ruin Christmas and Hanukkah for anyone that might’ve been happy.

I’m a Lovely and any mention of my secret husband, George Michael, send me into a tizzy. Yes, I know the TRUTH. He was promiscuous with many other women, but he loved me and fathered my child. I have DNA proof! I demand his family give me his DNA to prove it! We met on vacation at Disneyworld where he banged me behind It’s A Small World. He was cleverly disguised as a maintenance work. But it’s TRUE LOVE.

All these lies about him and homos are just a cover to protect me and our child.

I must have missed that troll R443. Of course, I generally tend to avoid the fan threads but is that for real?

I'm the sexagenarian who CONTINUES to use "Family" as a metaphor when asking about DL's flavor of the month.

There was no such thing, R444. R443 is just trying their hand at creative writing (badly).

The sky was blood red that day...

I'm the posters who write like Mad Men era advertising copywriters or romance novel writers.

"I love a lush and creamy potato salad with just a subtle soupçon of provocative peppercorn!"

"His crisp white shirt sparkled against his magnificent bronzed skin tone as his glorious pecs rippled. His sparkling azure eyes gazed up at me..."

No actual writer would push "subtle" and "soupçon" together the way you just did, OurMillennialNincompoop.

I am the bitch of pointless bitchery pointing out, bitchily, that

NONE of this ever happened.

Okay, R443/R450

Trolldar is your friend, R451. It's not that easy to fail at pointless bitchery, but there you are.

Calm your titties, R452, and go find yourself in the first xamples posted above. I think you'll hit at least 2-3 descriptions

I'm the bitch who needs to read all 500 plus posts and point out the redundancies. I am pointless.

That is the most pointless bitch in all of Datalounge, r454. I won't say I hope she dies. I do hope she finds something different to do online. Maybe she could work for the census bureau, where people saying the same thing twice might actually matter.

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

[quote] No actual writer would push "subtle" and "soupçon" together the way you just did, OurMillennialNincompoop.

Who the fuck says nincompoop In 2019. I hate you right now r449

I say "nincompoop," r457. Get used to it. Or stop being one.

I actually love “nincompoop.”

Terrible word!

Clearly, the New Year's blues has hit the Dataloungers and bitter facescratching has ensued. Calm down, girls, we're all gonna die.

R456 - Who is Fadi? I am the lost in spacer poster!

R458, R457, I loved seeing “nimcompoop”! I was going to remember to start using it.

R458, people use such words rather than writing “cunt”. I was called a dumb-dumb once. I assume for the same reason. It makes a point with out being inflammatory.

I’m a new fan of r458. I offer him my new favorite insults, nitwit and dimwit to add to his list of slams.

Thanks, r464, you nitwit.

R458

Sometimes, you're better off dead

The Welp Troll is here and is posting on the thread

The Welp Troll's mad, so unstable

Knocking down chairs and kicking in tables

On a Datalounge thread in a gay hoe town

Call the cops, there's a Welp Troll around

Running down, underground

To a dive bar in a Welp Troll town.

I'm the grease fire you wish they die in.

I post that one person who replied on a comment is an idiot, then ignore everyone else who replied later to validate and confirm the "idiot"'s reply.

That makes me an idiot.

I'm the poster that's REALLY into a TV show or movie and WILL NOT stand for any criticism because people that don't like what I LIKE are clearly PHILISTINES.

I am the poster who asks “is this where the man goes up into the man?”

(I genuinely love that line!)

It's: Where the man goes up inna man.

I'm the white man who mocks women and people of color for not having a sense of humor whenever the jokes are at their expense but goes into hysterics when anyone but mentions anything humorous at the expense of white men (esp Republican).

I'm the libfem handmaid troll gladly throwing ismphobe accusations at any gay person who refuses to support the transcult.

[quote]I am the poster who asks “is this where the man goes up into the man?” (I genuinely love that line!)

I like that and I also like "make the lez-lez".

[quote] throwing ismphobe accusations

Throwing what now?

Accusing gays of bigotry is bigotry.

What is this Welp Troll and why is he called that? I may have him blocked already. Is he by any chance the one who claims the authorities are looking into DL and us posters?

R477, the Welp Troll always accuses ppl who disagree with him of being paid to post by PR firms.

Nicompoop, nitwit, dimwit, and dumb dumb need to be retired asap

NO, R479....I'm for resurrection and election of corpses, aren't you?

I love those R479.

R479 IS a nincompoop.

Oh Malarky r482! Fiddle Dee Dee this hullabaloo!

I'm the poster who revived "pickaninny."

Would you like a handkerchief with that, R484? I heard them words are much more effective with a visual display of outrage.

Ooopsie....that would be R483 who needs the white flag of surrender to inanity, not the racist reference of R484.

There's a different flag for R484.

23 Skidoo!

I'm a PR firm paying people to post positive things about Jennifer homewrecker Aniston.

Jennifer homewrecked a home with whom? That hipster fool? She did that girl a favor by cutting that rope of shame or whatever it was that kept her there (rumor has it that it was something ropelike).

Gotta give it to the Aniston girl. She knows how to play it. No divorce because there never was a marriage and where is the scandal in that thirsty shit?

I'd like her house, though, chickens and all.

She's a stupid, untalented, needy bitch who uses and manipulates men. Those who make excuses for her are enablers. Brad is an idiot for leaving the father of his children for a woman he already left behind once before. If he would rather have had children with Angelina Jolie, then that was the less idiotic thing to do.

Fiddle Dee Dee, you nincompoops

Stop shilling and face facts: she is a homewrecker and Brad is complicit. She's a selfish bitch who makes everything all about her. She has never pretended to care about anything or anyone but herself. Even her relationships with men are just an extension of her own malignant narcissism.

And yet she owns a fabulous house with chickens, R492! She had that pitt cock early on, in it's non-greasy state. I'm bowing down, bitch, no matter how many fleas she has to pick off.

R491/R493 is a paid shill. Here's a newsflash: SHE CANNOT ACT AND HER ENTIRE CAREER IS A PRODUCT OF WHITE HETEROSEXUAL GENTILE PRIVILEGE. WHITE WOMEN LIKE HER ARE WHY ANTI-WHITE RACISM IS A MYTH!

No, you will not bow down to a false idol, especially a heterosexual one. You will not do anything to reward that kind of deviant behavior. Heterosexuality is not something any gay man should ever applaud for any reason whatsoever.

Well, the past few posters seem well adjusted and lovely

I'm the check being written as R496 types to create the false impression that anyone cares.

I have a bunch of gaps so obviously this "well adjusted and lovely" cunt was blocked a long time ago.

I'm the bad grammar troll who incorrectly corrects perfectly fine grammar.

I'm the openly hostile/defensive poster whose posts mostly consist of insisting his life is awesome and everyone who disagrees with him on any matter, no matter how small, is old/obese/effeminate.

I'm R500

I steal things too.

I am one of Della's carefully curated 'I'll post about this topic, but only in a way that positions me as above and slightly detached from it' comments.

I’m 45: the median age of the posters here.

I'm the poster in a thread about a show, and I'm here just to let you all know, I never watched the show in question and I'm very proud about that. Yeah that's my contribution to the thread.

[quote]Accusing gays of bigotry is bigotry.

You voted Trump, didn’t you?

I am Jan *and* Mary.

I am the poster who asserts that despite the fact that the actor in question has been happily married to a woman for many years and has children, that "he is an actor and seems open-minded so I am sure he at least experimented in his youth."

We are the three other posters who agree with him.

Welp Troll at R494.

Welp Troll at R494.

I'm likely the only person who posts on DL whose mother's name is actually "Muriel".

R466 - Thank you musical troll!

I'm 37 the claimed median age of posters here.

I'm 73 the actual median age of posters here.

I’m an eldergay. What was the question again?

R513 I'm 39!

I͈̓ͮ̂̀͜͠ ̾ͤ̓̆͏̡͚̲̰̯͖̣̼͙s͖͋̐̀t̑ͦ̾҉̴̙̪͖̰̲̥̳ͅa̗̜̯͇̪̣̘͈͇̽r̶̛͉̣̜̥̗̦̍ͤ̽̏͋̇̒ţ̔̔̊̂ͥ̃͒̚҉̼̙̤̦͉ ̛̺̜ͥ̈́̆̅ͭ͛͂ͤ͜͞c̈̏̄̿̆̅ͧ̉͏̨͍͓̬oͩ̍̎ͦ̌̔̍͏͇͙̗̺ŭ̸̷̦̠̩͍̀̍ͩ̽ͅn͖͎̻͖̣̟̗̞̊̔̔̀͠t̶̰͕ͣ͗̈̌̒͢͠l̬͉̘̞͕̇̿̕͘e̒́͑ͣ̏҉̺̖͚͉̯̱̯͠s̵̝̠͙͖ͮ͒͒͐̿̊͠ş̸̴͈͚̙͚̲̬͚ͯ ͇̓̏̏̇p̐͏̻͇͓o̶̸̧̬̰̗̥̠̟̖̪͋ͦ͐ͅl̞̜̻̭̩͚̯̘͓̒̒̑͌̆̓̽́̚͜͞ļ̵̠̼͇̼̟̱̤͂̀ͦ̃̂̎ͮ̃̚s̨̘̱̺͖̰͇̈ ̴̬̱̲͈̓ͥ̏̃͆̎͂̾͜͝t̬̖ͭ̎̀ͦ̒h͍̦̻̩̙͙̞̒̉̍͒̾̈́ͦ̀̔͘a͚͌̓̍̌͜t̷̺̬͖̗̺̬͎͍̄̆́̈̓ ̨̡͚̝̳̉̂̑͆̽v̡̻̠͍̱̖̮̤̪̮͐̈ͩ̀̚i̦͍̘͎̺̘̤̜̜ͦ̓͌̑̑ͫ͘s̺̥̞̞͖͒͐̉į͔͕̃̑̈̅̒ͩ̃͆̊t̨̛̪̮̙̗̫͇̖̖̍ͤͬͦ̾͂o̴͎͖̼̪̱͍̖̗͋̔ͥ̓ͪ͋͂̎̉̕͞r̲̥̫̗̗͙̭̖͓̎͒͡͝s̗̪̭͖̟̮͉͇̘ͭ͑ͫ̔̈ ̪̿̾̿̾͛ͯͨ͊ͬ͘ḥ͔͔͎̖͚̭̐ͤͩ̍̇ͩͣ̚a̵̦̲̲͉̣̱̽̎̿v̷̫̓̈̃̆̈̅̏͗́ē̗̤͈̱̜̂ͦͨ̆̅ ̶͙̻͇̭̤̹̳̀̋ͪ̌͗̽͛͊ͧ͟t͋̔͆͌̔͏̸̫̹̟̪͎̫̤͘ǒ̤̹̲̈́͗̀͜ ̩͇͚̣̺̩̍ͪͣͫs̢̨͖̼͖̀̒ͬ̋̈͂́̾̀c̵̨͍̱̩̤̪̠̐ͨͤ̆̃r̔ͥ͗̌͗͏̱̯͎̣̰͈̀̀õ̘̤͙̯̐̐ͥ̅̈̅ͦ́l̡͕̎ͩ͋̋̔̒̎l̶̢̰̰͔ͯ̔ ̳̣̖̮̹̬̗̤͊ͦë̸̡̬̙̼̯́ͫͪ̏ͪ̇̓͒͘ͅn̡͇͈͓͉͉̺̙̥͂͗ͪ̿̀d̷̮̲͚̪͚̦ͣ͊ͯ̑̂ͦ̆̌͞͠l̷̢̻̠ͭ̔̐̊ͯͮ̎͑̕e̡̧͙͔̟̥̋ͪ̊͑͘ͅs̡̙͙̠͚͕̗̪̎̓̄͊͝͠s̸̜̘̼̿ḷ̦͍̪͖͕̳̱̆ͦͪͩ̑̊͞ͅy̖̖̙̗̱̮̪̬̐ͯ̒̾ͩͩͤ ̛̱̙̰͖̘͇͎ͪ͐̄̕p̧̫̙̺̦͊ͬ͡ą̬͍̰̔͋ͣ̆̀̋s̠̦͖͉͓͚͙̈ͪ͝t̻̼̫̟̳͔̥̦͉̒̏̋ͣ.̀̅͐ͧ͆̀҉̶̰͚͎̙̹̗͇ :D

I'm the Welp Troll.

Are you paid to post, if so how often

Which do you choose, the shill or bot option?

I'm 63. I'm how old all the posters at R513 claim to look.

Despite the fact that this is an anonymous message board, they will all have lengthy stories about people who told them they look much younger and how it's because they are fit fat or have not gone out during the day in 30 years.

The fact that we cannot see them or even know who they are from post to post will not factor into this.

I'm the modern day witch smeller pursuivant who can sniff out genuine Borises in threads about food or soap operas.

I’m Cletus.

Y’all remember me?

Fuck yeah you bitches BETTER stand up for Elton and Bernie.

I am the one who swears that there is only one correct way to drain pasta

I am the one who's 51 but still gets regularly carded due to a good skincare regimen imparted by my mom, who looks 28 at the oldest.

I am the many tedious ones who make jokes about looking younger than their age.

I’m the DL code that{"error":{"statusCode":500,"message":"Internal Server Error"}}

I'm the Ignoredar troll who clogs up threads with his endless cutting and pasting of posts from certain posters he doesn't like, in an attempt to shame them. Everybody thinks he's a total fucking loser.

I'm the "adults who are into Disney are weirdos" troll. I never got over being turned down after hitting on Prince Charming right out in front of everyone in Fantasyland, so I take it out on everyone else.

I’m the bisexuals are sociopaths troll. I LOVE TO TYPE PSYCHOTIC GIBBERISH IN ALL CAPS because I’M STABLE AND HEALTHY!

Are you sure that isn't Matt R528? W

Are you sure that isn't Matt R528? W

Who is Matt?

Matt is a DL troll who is batshit crazy and OCD. A post above describes him.