Ugh....small talk

Another bitchy anti-social queen and so proud of the fact.

Fuck off, you idiot!

OP you're just very, very queenie.

I prefer being called anti-social to being a twit who can’t shut up about themselves.

I hear you and totally relate, OP.

The people who responded and who will respond in this thread the most virulently are the conversational mavens who depend on "hi, how are you? Any plans for the weekend?"-style monotony to socialize and who get wildly offended if anyone suggests that they're stupid and pointless questions.

Any small talk is torture but corporate small talk is where hell lives.

Imagine if it’s your own elderly mother? Non stop, insubstantial small talk. Never anything interesting, deep, Intellectual, emotional or personal. Yet terrified of just sitting in silence. Now imagine if she lives with you. Yes - you wish for death for one of you soon.

Small talk is not about the words - you are feeling out the person and their reactions to you as you converse, gauging who they are and what their mood is. You can even flirt quite effectively with the smallest of small talk.

Look deeper, OP.

[7] uh...I’m buying milk and bread. I don’t hate the cashier, I just don’t care to share any personal details or listen to theirs. This isn’t flirting that’s going on. It’s forced by their management as a way to connect with customers. It’s annoying.

[quote]r8 I’m buying milk and bread. I don’t hate the cashier, I just don’t care to share any personal details or listen to theirs.

You act as if they asked about your mastectomy.

OP is not a gay. OP is a fraupotomous.

People are uncomfortable with silence so they have to constantly fill it with their hot air.

Personally, I enjoy speaking with just about everyone I meet.

How personal are the questions? No clerks or cashiers ever talk to me like that. Ugly has its rewards.

People were always chatty.

You're just mean old Mr. Wilson or Jack Lemon in Grumpy Old Men.

Take the test. Watch this. If you hate it, you're mean. If you are ok with it, you're a nice person.

The upside of it is that your time with them is limited. So, is it REALLY so difficult for you to be pleasant and exchange a few words with cashiers and bank tellers? They probably deal with cunty customers like you all day long. Why not try being one of the few bright spots in their day? If they cross the line and ask you something too personal, develop the skill of making light of it to deflect the question. Stop looking down on people with low-paying and thankless jobs. Someone has to do them, so be gracious that you're not one of them.

I never said I was unpleasant or didn’t respond politely. I’m just saying I don’t enjoy it. Being an introvert is a big part of that. I am who I am. I’m not a Chatty Cathy.

Use the self checkout. You don’t have to talk to anyone and you can apparently get reduced prices on organic vegetables.

I was stopped cold one day by a remark a checker made to me during the 5 o'clock rush at Ralphs. "I always like seeing you in my line," he said. "You never have any high drama." I'm still puzzling over what he meant.

[quote]r16 I never said I was unpleasant or didn’t respond politely. I’m just saying I don’t enjoy it. Being an introvert is a big part of that. I am who I am. I’m not a Chatty Cathy.

Well, this could be a way to dab your toe in the water and join the human race.

Try learning the names of the checkout people you interact with regularly. It's a start.

The bank I belong to also has a location with my local grocery store. It's convenient and all, but one of the tellers in particular, always makes it a point to say hi to be my name as I'm walking by. He's even pulled me aside to introduce me to his wife who also happened to be in the store at the time. That's like stalker level shit right there.

The sheer effrontery of some people!

Frau LOVES small talk. Market research has shown them coming back to buy if there's a connection with the staff. Think of this as expanding you comfort zone, dear.

I hate this too. I shut it down by providing the shortest answers I can. I really HATE when a checkout person follows up the obligatory "How are you?" with "Anything nice planned for today?" or something similar. I don't know you, I don't want to tell you anything about me, it is NONE of your business and it's a waste of time. I know it's not them personally, they are no doubt told by management to ask but it's unnecessarily invasive and I don't understand why stores think this is acceptable behaviour.

I usually just say something like "Not sure yet" and my tone of voice lets them know not to continue.

The absolute WORST though is when someone comments on what you're buying. I am not asking your opinion, DO NOT GIVE IT.

I don't get it. I am friendly and always have a nice pleasant exchange with checkout people but have NEVER ONCE been asked my plans for the day by one.

Oh I hate that r23. It feels so invasive. Just check me out and don't speak to me.

R24 your anecdotal experience surely means no one else in the world has had a different experience.

[quote]I’m not a Chatty Cathy.

No, but you are being a Cunty Cunt. Use the self-checkout lane. It's what I do. I have to shop at Whole Foods now until the Salvation Army bellringers leave my regular supermarket, and the thing I miss the most is self-checkout.

I have to say though, not one WFM checkout clerk has asked my about my plans for the day, nor commented on any of my purchases, beyond asking if I'd like a plastic bag my salmon or an elastic band around my eggs or my raspberries. Some of you really need to remove the sticks from your asses.

I like it. It's more interesting than standing there in silence. It's human connection. Sure it's not 'deep', but how many conversations in life are?

R27 you're afraid of walking past a Salvation Army person yet you're condemning OP because he doesn't like small talk? Get real.

And again, your experience as a lone person does not mean other people have not had DIFFERENT experiences in the world. Good lord.

[quote]If they cross the line and ask you something too personal, develop the skill of making light of it to deflect the question.

This. Basic social skill for the over-intrusive elsewhere too. Just be light and flippant, the tone showing the question's inappropriate. 'Oh, I'll spare you the details.' 'Nothing special!' 'That's for me to know!' Etcetera. Not so hard for Dataloungers to pull off.

[quote]He's even pulled me aside to introduce me to his wife who also happened to be in the store at the time. That's like stalker level shit right there.

OK, this is creepy/funny - way too much, and maybe cult-induced.

R24 Must be blessed to have never shopped at Trader Joe's, which is Ground Zero for this annoying faux-pleasant chit-chat.

[quote][R27] you're afraid of walking past a Salvation Army person

I'm not "afraid," r29. I find them irritating with their bell ringing and their wishing me a merry Christmas. I can't STAND the entire month of December, and they're there to noisily, annoyingly rub my nose in it every time I go to that supermarket.

But I am not "afraid."

r31 I shop at the same Trader Joe's I imagine you go to, Sylvia, but only a couple of times a year, to buy #2 coffee filters (best price) and English Breakfast tea bags (best iced tea for the price). Sometimes I'll make a trip for one or two of their .99 greeting cards. I always choose the cutest checker, so I am never annoyed or aggravated if he asks me questions.

There used to be a guy named Nick there, who years ago worked at the Panera on Murray Avenue, but I didn't see him when I went to TJ's last week (nor did I find a suitable card). Nick can ask me anything he likes.

Since OP never did respond to R9, Was it a hysterectomy then?

I should think many are genuinely simply being friendly. Other than Trader Joe's, if that's a real thing, I doubt the management encourages small talk, but rather it would be unbearable for them to be reduced to automatons and never talk with anyone all day. OP is a curmudgeon, and the hysterectomy wasn't a success.

What a depressing thread to find on Data Lounge.

Don't just stand there fuming. Any real Lounger would know that the best answer to these banal questions from the paid staff is to reply by over sharing.

Tell them that tomorrow your family will gather to discontinue life support on your mother. Tell them that your blood pressure medicine is failing you and that you could stroke out at any moment. As you hand them your cash, tell them you have herpes.

Here's your chance to be creative and to strike a blow for privacy and decorum. You will also get to reinforce the class system a wee bit. And we know you all want that.

I think I "get" OP in the way that these small talk conversations are an instructed exercise that I don't feel comfortable or obligated to go along with. You can tell, some cashiers want you to have a pleasant check out experience because they are genuinely friendly to people. And some work down the script that Trader Joes Inc gave them. I don't have patience for the script, because I am treated like a corporate pawn in the game of marketing. But if the script comes with a genuinely friendly cashier you have to play along, OP.

It's one thing to be introvert. And I do agree that hyper extroverts can be ultra annoying to introverts when they lack the sensitivity (or empathy?) to recognize an introvert. But just like extroverts who need to tone it down sometimes, introverts need to social-up at least a little bit to join others in normal social settings. I think your problem, OP, is more about how to deal with several different type of temperaments of cashiers. Some previous posters provide some assistance. There are techniques to value their attempts to be friendly and still retain your urge for privacy.

Oh and R36: I love you.

I don't have an issue with *small* small talk. Asking about one's day is fine.

But some do seem to have a script or just talk in circles. And when they shorten my name to one I don't use, that definitely works my nerves. If someone assumes a familiarity that isn't there, they just wiped out whatever chance they had to upsell me, etc. I'd prefer Mr. _____ but seriously, just say my name as it is spelled out and we're good.

I asked the woman check out person at Sainsburys in Kensington (London) where she was from (heavy accent) and she said "I AM BRITISH!" - almost angry. So I won't bother in future.

Self-check out is OK, but not if you have a ton of stuff, which I usually do.

I went to a store and the "small talk" was scripted but I went along. The cashier was either stoned or tired and started repeating the same questions after they were asked and answered and then didn't do something that she asked me if I wanted done (send receipt to my email address). I usually go to self checkouts if they are available now.

At the bank all the tellers ask the same thing, "What are your plans for the rest of the day?"

None of your fucking business.

Any Americans who are tired of small talk, come across the Atlantic and you'll see a marked difference. In particular, you'd really like cashiers in Budapest, since you'd be lucky to get a smile from one of them. The UK and Ireland are a bit more friendly, but those on the continent are not interested in any small talk. The exception are English-speaking Uber and taxi drivers who are, in many cases, rather chatty - though you may probably talk more about politics than the weather.

Move to the northeast OP, you won't get cashiers trying to make small talk with you.

Isn't the oversharing and faux friendliness specific to the United States? I remember when a (I think it was) Wal Mart opened in Germany, part of the staff's job description was to approach customers, greet them, ask how they were doing, and if they were finding everything OK. It was traumatic for the staff AND for the customers. Interestingly, I found Parisian French shop workers to go through that routine with me.

But in the interest of staying on topic, it's hard not to look annoyed when people naturally speak to you as if you're on their wavelength of communication.

[quote] Move to the northeast OP, you won't get cashiers trying to make small talk with you.

Yup.

In PA one grunt means "thanks" and two grunts means "get out"

R45 I've been told that service in Germany is efficient in some ways but not what one would call "warm."

Want a seat in a restaurant there? Find it your own fucking self and hope someone will notice when you wave them down.

That’s why I prefer going through lines where the cashier is ‘special.’ It may take a little more time but they don’t want to talk to you.

R27 good for you - I have however been questioned by a Whole Foods cashier, who observed that I was buying some typical picnic items and said, "It's such a nice day, are you going to the beach?" to which I replied - "No."

So you're lucky it hasn't happened to you. Perhaps I just look friendly and people assume that I want them to chat to me, but actually I am a cunt, whereas you look like a cunt so they don't want to talk to you?

My grocery store experience at least twice per month:

Checkout Girl (Frowns): "Whus this?"

Me (Internal): " The fuck? You just scanned the gotdamn barcode; can't you read?"

Me (External): "Oh, those are multicolored mini bell peppers!"

Checkout Girl (Curling her lip): "You eat dat?"

Me (Internal): *sighs*

Me (External): "Definitely! They're really good for you; they have more Vitamin C than oranges!"

Checkout Girl: "How you make it?"

Me (always looking for a teachable moment): [Gives her 2 quick recipes]

Checkout Girl: "For real? That sound GOOD!"

Me (Internal/External): [smiling] "Oh, it IS! You definitely should try it! At least you get the employee discount, so it'll be cheap for you!"

Checkout Girl: "Oh I will! You have a GREAT day!"

*smiles all around*

**repeat for artichokes (jarred and fresh), jackfruit, blood oranges, avocados, basmati rice, black beans, lentils, split peas, ginger root, kumquats, horseradish root, asparagus, snow peas...Hell, any produce or spice that isn't tomatoes, greens, table salt, black pepper, Cayenne pepper, cabbage, string beans, Red Delicious apples, red beans, or sweet/red/Irish potatoes.

You have to love the prisspots of DataLounge! So high maintenance.

They MUST have someone ring them up, because heaven forfend they use self check out (how rude!) but that person shouldn't breathe, speak, or look them directly in the eye.

I have resting bitchface. No one wants to talk to me.

Small talk is for uneducated imbeciles. I simply tune them out, and if they don’t get the clue, walk away.

Extroverts are allowed to run amok, with the death of civility.

Silencing them without ending up in jail is challenging.

"I know it's not them personally, they are no doubt told by management to ask but it's unnecessarily invasive and I don't understand why stores think this is acceptable behaviour."

Oh, please. I'm not a chatty person myself but how is "How are you?" an invasive question. Just say "fine" and leave it there. It's not like they're asking your penis size.

"Extroverts are allowed to run amok, with the death of civility."

Apparently, saying "How are you?" is the death of civility *rolls eyes*

How dare they indeed, OP. That’s now the official motto of the U.S. and the world’s SJWs. How dare they!

R56 if you could die in a fire - quietly - it would be greatly appreciated.

R58 is Extremely Tender to the Touch!

r57, what makes you think OP is an SJW? If anything, he sounds like the opposite. A grouchy conservative.

I'm an introvert but oddly I don't mind small talk. It can be a pleasant diversion while taking care of mundane tasks.

A good reply to "have a nice day," is, "thanks, but I have other plans."

I propose stores have big pin on buttons available when you walk in by the hand baskets that Introverts such as myself or anyone just not in the mood to chat can pin on their chest like a name tag. This big red button would alert staff to STFU and leave customer alone if you want their business. It would be mutually beneficial, retailers would get their in store sales and not drive introverted customers to do all their shopping on the internet and introverts would get out and about more thus getting their daily requirement of Vitamin D from the sun. Cashiers wouldn't get in trouble for not chatting up the customers because their managers would see the person was wearing a leave me alone button. When introverted customer (IC) leaves there could be a bin by the cart return to toss your STFU button back into for the next IC to wear Who do I see in the retail industry to get this button initiative moving?

[quote]It's not like they're asking your penis size.

I actually wouldn't mind if my favourite checkout guy asked me that. In fact, it's now a lovely fantasy.

r63 seems bizarrely hysterical. I'm an introvert and I don't freak out when someone asks me "How are you?"

You know it's said the degree to which you like yourself can be based off of how well you like and interact with other people. Performers know that when they get on stage. The audience wants to see themselves reflected back.

Nice people with happy lives echo back the happiness and miserable, dour people take offense to being asked how their shitty lives are going. "How dare you remind me!"

I guess you don't like yourself very much, op. I'm sorry. 🤐

I think most people realize what a boring job it is and that they are just trying to get some stimulation in a mind numbing job. Even if you're an introvert you can have some standard stock phrases and reply with that.

You don't have to go through life acting like a fucking socially inept autist. The part of you I see in me I am trying to bitch slap out of my life. Ain't nobody got time for no rudeness.

The OP suffers from "Duchess of Sussex Syndrome". He should not have to lower himself to communicate with the little people out there.

I have depression. It’s a struggle to get out of the house. It becomes overwhelming when the questions begin. It’s never “hi how are ya doin! It’s “ oh, this _ is great! How you YOU cook it? “ “what this is?” “what are your plans today!” Nothing where I can just say “hi! Fine and you?” Too specific questions! “You shopping this black Friday?” My anxiety just overflows. It feeds the depression. I truly have no answers for their shit except a big “NO.” I mumble no and just feel so much more depressed. I’m not at a cashier job , so Mary leave me the fuck alone. We’re not pals or equals. You’re at work. Leave me the fuck alone.

So, R68... You're not equal to a store clerk? Or you think a store clerk is not equal to you?

R69 - I’m not R68, but store clerks are definitely beneath me. I have 3 degrees and am a world traveler. I appreciate them, but I let them know their place very quickly if they step out of line. I’m a big believer in the fact that you must teach people how to treat you.

R70, with that nasty attitude of yours, no one is beneath you, hon. No one.

R70 has certainly taught us how to treat her.

It doesn't much bother me (unlike American waiters and waitresses asking every forkful if I am enjoying my meal.)

If it does bother you try a sudden warm smile that dries up in an instant into a steely cold efficient gaze. The clerk will realize in an quite fundamentally that you were best left alone and a lost cause for chatting. You will make the clerk feel small but their words will stop.

I make small talk when Im stuck on a long line at a store....it keeps me from getting pissed off if the line is moving slowly. Other than that, I hate having to do it at parties or other social gatherings. When I'm at a restaurant, I don't want to chat endlessly with the waitstaff....I just want to get my food and eat r70 ...love you!

Small talk is just a social skill. You learn how to do it. It is much like learning to cover your mouth when coughing, to close your mouth when chewing, and not to pick your nose.

I don't know how some of you manage to survive in the world outside your home and "social media" apps on your phone. Asking someone "how are you?" in public is just a polite way of acknowledging someone else's existence and gives yourself a moment to get out of your own head and acknowledge that other people around you have lives also and it's not all about you and things going onside your own head. It's like saying "hello" or "good morning" when you walk past someone in the lobby. It is not difficult and is a basic part of living in a civilized world. BTW, I'm an introvert.

You know, R66, many "fucking socially inept autist[s]" try their best. Try not to refer to people as subhuman just because their social skills aren't up to par.

Miss R70 is not up for conversing with commoners at this time.

What’s up with the Prisspot Queen? Every thread she has to use her new favorite word, like it’s from her “Word of the Day” calendar.

I just adore conversation, don’t you?

R77 this is the kind of guy I was referring to. I guess he's trying his best though?

My bad! Here's a better link!

Humanity is doomed.

[quote] Try not to refer to people as subhuman just because their social skills aren't up to par.

It's not about social skills that aren't up to par. It's about being too goddam LAZY to learn basic social skills. They have no problems expressing their annoyances, anger, and snobbery on here, yet put them in a face to face situation and they cannot even manage a pleasantry during an exchange of only a few minutes.

I was in line behind a woman at ShopRite. When the cashier said "Have a nice day," the woman replied "I wasn't planning on it."

I have seen very few people self-identify as autistic here, R84, and none of them have behaved as you describe, nor does the video you posted have anything to do with autistic people. Unless by "autist" you mean "anyone I don't like in any given situation" which is a definition I associate with a certain type of website.

On the topic itself, small talk is something anyone who interacts with people should be prepared for, but it's really easy for it to feel too personal when someone does it as a mandatory part of their job and is too busy to "read the room". Where someone is just naturally friendly, it tends to flow more easily.

Like omg R86 what a totally autistic subhuman thing to say!

It doesn't cost anything to be friendly.

I hate the long protracted introductions you get these days with customer service reps on the phone: "Thank you for calling XYZ business. We appreciate you being a valued customer and letting us provide you with excellent service. And who do I have the pleasure of speaking to today?"

Inevitably, I interrupt them and tell them to cut to the chase.

R89 And after the call is done they usually want you to take a brief survey!

Yeah, the obnoxious "how-we-doin'?" syndrome.

R88 Sometimes it pays well, too. Years ago a cute pharmacist, a young guy from rural Pennsylvania, used to chat me up - nothing in particular, lots in general - just "how's it goin'?" questions in the drugstore. Over time I got to know a bit about him and he me. He ended up asking if I wanted to go duck hunting (which I had never done and he knew that) and I said, "WTF, sure." He had such a cute ass under his short white jacket and I figured he'd have to fold himself around me to demonstrate how to sight and shoot.

We went hunting: the guns and the camo clothes and everything. I wasn't trying to kill any birds. I was all, "You've gotta show me how it's done" but I shot about seven loads into him that weekend. I saw him, on and off, for about a year after that. Never had to go in the woods again to do it, either: his place or mine. Unexpected, and it never would have happened but for a couple of pleasant conversations at the counter.

How lovely for you, r92, but most small talk doesn't lead to pagan abandon.

It's particularly bad when they go waaaaay too far with the small talk. There is a cashier at my local grocery store who felt the need to tell me about her teenage daughter stinking to high heaven after sports practice when she was MENSTRUATING. I really could have gone my whole life without hearing that absolutely vile piece of information. I wish I had gagged in her face.

[quote] And after the call is done they usually want you to take a brief survey!

No, they ask that many times BEFORE they let you talk to someone, now.

Enjoy your next 24 hours.

Some of you are morons. OP isn't talking about people who say "How are you?" He's talking about people asking invasive questions that are NONE of their fucking business.

I buy and sell a lot of real estate, so I quite often have to go to the bank to get certified checks for closings. Sometimes it's a fair bit of money. The dumb as dirt tellers ALWAYS make some inane comment about what I plan to do with the money. "Are you doing anything fun with the money?". I kid you not. I have complained to the manager about it---still no change.

I need to take notes from the gold star DLer @ R36 and respond with of some clever retorts. Here are a few:

--Yes, I'm going to Vegas. I need a whore to accompany me. Are you free?

--Yes, I'm amassing an arsenal of automatic weapons. Can't wait to shoot up my first school.

--No, I owe that money to my drug dealer.

--No, it's for the hit man I hired to assassinate idiots who ask me instrusive questions about my money.

R97, read OP again. He thinks ANY questions are invasive

OP here. I’ll be the arbiter of what I officially said and meant. [97] has it exactly right. If I withdraw a larger sum of cash at my bank or get a cashiers check it is rude to ask me what I plan on doing with the money. They have a right to question a large cash deposit, and are asked to do so by the government to help stop money laundering, but asking about a withdrawal is a clear violation of privacy.

P.s. [98] eat a bag of vaginas

Back when video stores were around every corner, I managed one. I asked the employees to remember the customers' names, say "hello" to them as they walk through the door, pay attention to the types of movies a customer rents and be able to recommend new releases that match their tastes. We had a full complement of regulars who stayed with us when a Blockbuster opened up in the parking lot. We couldn't compete with them, but we didn't lose a large chunk of business to them. We had very loyal customers.

R97, those sound like snappy answers to stupid questions