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To anyone here who grew up with happily married parents...

Please describe what it was like growing up. I'm serious. I honestly can't relate to you guys at all.

by Anonymousreply 23December 4, 2019 11:41 PM

Not everything was wonderful all the time, but I feel my folks would fit that description. What is it exactly you want to know?

by Anonymousreply 1December 4, 2019 9:17 PM

I can't delete to anything that had to do with a happy family

by Anonymousreply 2December 4, 2019 9:20 PM

Let me tell you one thing. My kid is growing up with happily married parents and it doesn’t make a bit of difference. She is a hateful rebellious teenager and it hurts that age doesn’t appreciate the loving and respectful home we’ve provided. It’s human nature to not appreciate what you have.

by Anonymousreply 3December 4, 2019 9:22 PM

It just felt normal. You don't notice when things are good.

by Anonymousreply 4December 4, 2019 9:25 PM

Can't help ya, OP.

What really galls me is now that my father is dead, my mother talks about him as if he was so wonderful and they were so happy. I recollect weeks at a time of her not speaking to him, or calling me up crying, and generally spending 40 years wishing that they'd get a divorce.

by Anonymousreply 5December 4, 2019 9:26 PM

There's no "divide and conquer"; it's the two of them against you.

Some (but not a lot of) PDA, which is embarrassing.

Not a lot of loud fights (between the two of them, at least).

by Anonymousreply 6December 4, 2019 9:28 PM

It was awful. It remains with me today and forever.

by Anonymousreply 7December 4, 2019 9:29 PM

Yeah I'd like to know what it's like to grow up with parents who weren't constantly at each others throats and resented you for not being the all American boy they KNEW they were going to have.

I can't even begin to know what it was like being loved by your parents.

by Anonymousreply 8December 4, 2019 9:29 PM

I'll be honest, OP: It gives you a very solid emotional foundation for life. Knowing your parents love each other and love you is a priceless gift I wouldn't exchange for a million dollars.

by Anonymousreply 9December 4, 2019 9:33 PM

Same OP. That honestly seems like a foreign concept to me.

Parents divorced when I was a kid, and my Dad went on to get divorced a second time.

by Anonymousreply 10December 4, 2019 9:34 PM

I can't relate to people who didn't have a father who was distant and full of unexplained rage. Luckily, a fuck ton of people had fathers like that.

by Anonymousreply 11December 4, 2019 9:37 PM

Yes, r11, I feel so lucky to have had a father like that. [italic]So[/italic] lucky.

by Anonymousreply 12December 4, 2019 9:52 PM

Can't imagine it. It must be pretty rare.

by Anonymousreply 13December 4, 2019 10:04 PM

There was a tremendous amount of social pressure for people to marry(or get the what is wrong with this person look, attitude and possibly anger from one's own parents) when I was a boy. This was to perpetuate society and its institutions.

For many of us we paid a price that was unspeakable in its cruelty. People still say it's selfish of people not to have children when the opposite is true.

by Anonymousreply 14December 4, 2019 10:04 PM

My parents grew up a block away from each other. My favorite picture of them was as a couple of teenagers, when my Mom was still taller than my Dad. My Mom had a very sad home life: her father died of cancer when she was young, leaving my grandmother and my (developmentally disabled) aunt, and my Mom. Mom had to go to work right away, and my grandmother pretty much cancelled Christmas. My Mom didn't start dating my Dad until he got out of the Army. Their first Christmas, my Dad insisted they were going to celebrate Christmas again, so he showed up with presents for my Mom, my aunt, and my grandmother.

My parents were very much in love, and I never once questioned their faithfulness or commitment to each other. I have a brother and sister, and we never questioned that our parents were crazy about us. They sort of had a division of labor: Dad was in charge of earning a paycheck, while Mom was in charge of the house. We had some hiccups over the years: they had a difficult time adjusting when I told them I was gay, but I never questioned that they loved me.

We never went anywhere when my Dad was on vacation, other than the Zoo or amusement parks. My Dad wanted to spend all his free time with his family. He'd take us to the factory where he worked, and when we were struggling financially, he got a second job as a night porter. He would take my brother and me with him, and we'd be assigned to empty waste paper baskets and vacuum. We loved it.

When they got older, my Mom needed surgery for an aneurysm. She was never quite the same after that, and my Dad confided to me that he told her that they shouldn't have sex any more, since he felt she was too fragile. That may sound weird but, later on in life, I became my Dad's best buddy. He eventually developed Alzheimer's, and kept getting more and more confused. But he confided to me that he was going to ask 'that girl' (my Mom) to marry him, since he had forgotten that they were already married.

It actually sort of sets you up for disappointment, when you expect a lifetime commitment to someone, and they don't know what that's like. I'm still very committed to the man I fell in love with back in my 20s: I don't really know anything else.

by Anonymousreply 15December 4, 2019 10:24 PM

Your family sounds amazing r15. Your dad sounds like a sweetheart.

My parents are awful to each other and us kids. But my husband’s parents are very happily married and suited to each other. My husband and his siblings are nice people but have HUGE issues. They got over them because they had great supportive parents. It also gave them really healthy self-esteem, which I envy.

by Anonymousreply 16December 4, 2019 10:44 PM

R15, whaddaya tryin to do? Make me cry?

I have a lovely well-adjusted female friend who came from a huge Irish family and parents who were in love until the mom died. One day we ha d a few cocktails, and she wistfully told me about it. My friend’s husband, I infer from things I’ve gathered, is less than doting and faithful, so I think r15 has a good point: Who can compete with that?

They’re great parents, though.

by Anonymousreply 17December 4, 2019 10:53 PM

I can't help but feel like you come from a different planet, R15. Everything you described is just so completely ALIEN to me.

But thank you so much for sharing. I felt my throat tighten a little at this part:

[quote]But he confided to me that he was going to ask 'that girl' (my Mom) to marry him, since he had forgotten that they were already married.

by Anonymousreply 18December 4, 2019 10:59 PM

R15's story is similar to mine. My parents adore each other, and they adore their kids. They were pretty strict and had high expectations, but we always knew it was because they wanted the very best for us. They'll celebrate 63 years together this fall and they're still crazy for each other.

I have always wanted that for my own life -- and I just assumed it was what everybody else wanted, too. Boy, was I in for a rude awakening.

by Anonymousreply 19December 4, 2019 11:05 PM

Yes, when you come from a stable and loving background and you date someone who didn't, it can lead to a LOT of problems. I had a boyfriend I loved dearly: he was smart and funny and in his way affectionate, but he had no true idea of how to be a good partner. His own parents were selfish pieces of shit who hated each other and were divorced multiple times apiece. They ignored or mistreated all of their many and varied kids and stepkids. It was a domestic nightmare that permanently skewed my boyfriend's view of himself and relationships. Eventually, I couldn't take it and dumped him. He couldn't believe I was leaving him not because I had found someone else and was cheating on him, but because I just couldn't deal with his issues anymore.

by Anonymousreply 20December 4, 2019 11:15 PM

My husbands parents were in love and loving. No judgment or pressure on their kids to achieve. Enjoyed life. Weren’t rich but didn’t need a lot. Had regular sex into old age.

My parents were both neurotic, uptight and emotionally dysfunctional. Horrible marriage filled with fighting and threats of divorce. Made their kid’s lives about “success” and “fitting in”. I knew at an early age I never wanted to marry or have kids. I couldn’t wait to leave home.

My husband is a confident, loving, happy man who enjoys life, I am neurotic, judgmental, controlling and went through a period of irrational anger. I envy him the confidence and ability to love without fear, jealousy or neediness that came from loving parents.

BUT - I get the point about parents who are so into each other that the kids are just an annoying interference. Like Ron and Nancy Reagan. Not sure it’s only parents happy marriage - but a general loving disposition.

by Anonymousreply 21December 4, 2019 11:24 PM

My parents loved and still love each other. This does not mean there were not fights. But they always moved on and taught me that it’s important to be honest and upfront instead of letting things go. I used to think everyone grew up this way but being married to someone from a dysfunctional family has taught me otherwise. It’s hard work to deal with someone whose natural instinct is to run away from the difficult times. I wish more people could understand what it’s like to be in a healthy and loving relationship.

by Anonymousreply 22December 4, 2019 11:34 PM

No one on DL had happily married parents. That's why they're here!

by Anonymousreply 23December 4, 2019 11:41 PM
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