How would you modify this list, based on boiling down press representations of everyone who could be president?
Trump: Deranged, dangerously criminal would-be dictator
Biden: The Savior, despite consistently awkward and sometimes slightly disturbing comments and inability to focus, which in his case we shall describe only as “gaffes.”
Warren: She Has a Plan For That, but is she electable?
Sanders: Crazy old man! Who does he think he is?!
Buttigieg: Gay, smart, accidentally racist so do not vote for him!
Harris: Historic black woman candidate, but a secretly conservative prosecutor who supports racist laws and—oops, never mind, she dropped out, and now you’re all racist for making her drop out. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
Klobuchar: Stop listening to her. Don’t you remember the crazy salad story, people?
Booker: Still there.
Gabbard: Demon or unfairly demonized? We’ll keep you guessing!
Bloomberg: Fucking rich asshole motherfucker thinks he can buy the White House. Fuck him!
Castro: Kinda funny that he’s Hispanic and speaks such shitty Spanish. He’s still here, too, but we don’t know why. We’re certainly not going to let you know what he stands for. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
Yang: Wild card!
Williamson: What wacky New Age fortune cookie saying will we quote next?