Eldergays, Tell Us About The First Thanksgiving

If it had only went like this

A bunch of stanky, pasty white people- starving and freezing in the New England winter- raided an Indian tribe and stole all their stuff, raped the women and gave them all venereal disease and small pox.

Threads like this are why people hate you, NotMyMillennialFriend.

We used cranberry sauce as lube

No pilgrim shoes and hats.

[quote]On September 8, 1565, Pedro Menéndez de Avilés and 800 Spanish settlers founded the city of St. Augustine in Spanish La Florida. As soon as they were ashore, the landing party celebrated a Mass of Thanksgiving. Afterward, Menéndez laid out a meal to which he invited as guests the native Seloy tribe who occupied the site. The celebrant of the Mass was St. Augustine’s first pastor, Father Francisco Lopez de Mendoza Grajales, and the feast day in the church calendar was that of the Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary. What exactly the Seloy natives thought of those strange liturgical proceedings we do not know, except that, in his personal chronicle, Father Lopez wrote that “the Indians imitated all they saw done.”

What was the meal that followed? From our knowledge of what the Spaniards had on board their five ships, we can surmise that it was cocido, a stew made from salted pork and garbanzo beans, laced with garlic seasoning, and accompanied by hard sea biscuits and red wine. If the Seloy contributed to the meal from their own food stores, then the menu could have included turkey, venison, gopher tortoise, mullet, drum, sea catfish, maize (corn), beans, and squash.

This was the first community act of religion and thanksgiving in the first permanent European settlement in North America. It took place just 300 yards north of the Castillo de San Marcos, at what is now the Mission of Nombre de Dios. This event is commemorated today by a 250 foot cross which stands on the original landing site.

The gay Puritans did the centerpieces and appraised the Indian trinkets.

I had to read this out loud to my husband 🤣🤣🤣

We were all mad because even though it was our FIRST Thanksgiving, we knew there had already been talk of it before and clearly no one had asked about it before bringing up a new conversation about it. They had no consideration for others and just started a whole new conversation about it without asking others if they had been talking about it first.

Also, even though we didn’t have cameras back then, nobody bothered to paint a real accurate picture of the first Thanksgiving my dear millennial friend. The ones you see are imaginary. No one had the decency to do a real painting of the first Thanksgiving. No one can give us an answer why.

I hate them for this.

We wanted to play Donna Summer, but the Indians insisted on Diana Ross.

The Spaniards were smarter: Florida.

The native people of couleur rouge introduced us to maize, and we showed them foie gras.

They loved it and said it tasted just like Iroquois.

But Iroquois was just like "tastes like chicken" to them.

And then we got them drunk and..... Well, that's another story.

I don't remember having maize!

[quote]If it had only went like this

Oh, dear.

Squanto was an insatiable bottom.

Thanksgiving ruined when I stepped ankle deep in a pile of buffalo shit. White Pilgrim lady yelled at me in front of my tribe and offered no help. My new pair of moccasins ruined.

Well, NO ONE appreciated my feather-fan dance.

Apparently they had a thing about eagles.

That First Thanksgiving was NOTHING like the First Thanksgivings we used to have on the island back in the day!

Tsk.

I drew the line on pemmican.

Or Lady Leather, as we called it.

Beast Curtains.

Pussy Mash.

Flap Skin.

I switched place cards so instead of having to sit next to Little Squirrel Nut I spent a lovely feast with Club Drags on Ground.

And HE elicited MY first Thanksgiving.

Myles Standish = sizemeat

OP: if it had only GONE!!!

Excuse me, OP. My comment was meant for R1.

Had thou read thine historical record, thou wouldst know it was a fucking draggeth.

By an amazing coincidence, the lesbians and Indians wore the exact same thing.

I remember having a corn cob shoved up ye olde bunghole the entire time. It was lovely.