One man shuttle service.

Charge them. It’s a lot of time and gas and wear and tear on your car. Charge $25.00 a day. Per person. But don’t do more than you want. I think it’s rude they didn’t offer to pay and are all taking advantage. Don’t let people treat you as if your time is worthless.

Nip it in the bud OP.

At one point I was driving both my sisters to work, and picking them up. As well as picking their kids up after school.

Once they get their hooks in you they will never stop asking for rides.

This is the biological advantage of homosexuality: The siblings’ kids get an extra parent. Do not fight Mother Nature.

Being that your first sister-in-law is a big blabbermouth tell them you want to help them both out because it is only fair. So you will help one one week and the other the next week. They will have to take care of the alternating weeks on their own. This shows that you are willing to help them out but they were taking advantage of you.

My brother tried that same thing with my nephew. I agreed thinking it one time,then they tried to make it weekly. I said "Nope" and that was that. Try it sometimes OP.

[quote](When my husband reminded me the next week I was confused. He remembers me agreeing to do it for the season, apparently).

Husband is misrepresenting the conversation because HE is also a pushover and didn't want to rock the boat. In-laws saw an opportunity to dump them on you and took it. Does husband have a history of caving to his siblings?

The first SIL should NEVER have told the second one. Do you suppose it was a casual conversation or planned out to rope you in to cart both their kids around - I would bet the latter. Considerate people don't try to rope other people into that sort of thing unless it truly is a one time thing and they're stuck.

If you feel you MUST continue with the first one, go ahead.

If you want to stop further requests simply so, "that's a funny. When I volunteered, I thought it was a to pickup just for that one day. Obviously, I can't be chauffeuring kids all over town. Don't tell xyz. I don't want her to feel bad about it."

r4's solution is entertaining in that it reverses the power dynamic reflected in the two women thinking they can just dump their responsibilities on you. If you feel you MUST help out, let them fight it out. You'll see the claws come out and can sit back and laugh.

I guess these are the things you don't have to worry about if you leave your hometown.

"Oh, I'm sorry, but I have other plans that day. Have you tried Uber? I hear their rates are very reasonable."

If they ask what your other plans are, just tell them it's personal. You don't owe them an explanation and you should not even try. The more you allow them to talk, the more likely it is you will buckle. Stand your ground: you have other plans and you are not available. You're sorry you cannot help. Repeat until they give up.

OP - you said it's not a big deal and that they live really close to your house. And you're not working.

Is this cutting into your soap opera time? I understand not wanting to be taken advantage of, but you also have a lot of time on your hands and probably need something to get your ass out of the house.

The kids will be gone sooner than you know it and it may be some good bonding time. Balance expectations, but is this really a huge family burden? It's 10 weeks, right?

You are being inconvenienced. Kill them all!

[quote]but then this week they asked me to do another run for one of my nephews another night of the week

R9, clearly it's going to become an all-consuming problem very soon. The first one has already seen the initial agreement as an invitation to ask whenever she wants. And the second one has now started asking.

It'll never end - selfish people won't let it end with the constant requests and attempted guilt trips.

I’m 64 and would like to move back to my hometown. Still have some very good friends there. I have a niece who has a 5 and 7 year old. I know if I move back, I will be the built in baby sitter and also take and pick up after school. I’m waiting until they are older

Sign up here, and then let your siblings know how to get an account.

Shut up and drive.

Not your kid, not your problem. Let them walk, it'll be good for them. If your sister doesn't like it, tell her to get bent.

They are your FLESH AND BLOOD!

[quote]They are your FLESH AND BLOOD!

LOL - no, they aren't.

They are the children of OP's partner's siblings, not his own.

In that case, fuck ‘em.

Just buy your niece another Easter bonnet, OP.

It seems like most of us are on the same page. I’ll continue to do the first one, but I’ll have to turn down the others. I truly don’t mind doing it every once in a while, but every week is a stretch.

R6, I don’t think that was the case because he reminded me without being prompted from her. Apparently I did just agree to do it. He doesn’t really have a history of caving to his brothers, he is clay in his nieces and nephews hands, but not to his brothers. The two SILs that asked me don't exactly like each other, so I doubt it was an orchestrated thing. They were both there when I agreed to take the oldest niece which is where that might have been where she heard I was doing.

R9, honestly, during the day I would be all for it. I am volunteering as a reading tutor at the elementary school most of the kiddos go to and I have been subbing lately (I subbed in the twins class Friday, it was a lot of fun!) but the evenings are hard because my husband works during the day. One night per week isn’t a big deal, but I don’t want to be out three or four days!

R7/R12 - it isn’t my home town (I don’t really have one of those) but it is for my husband. They’re a super close family, I am blessed to be a part of it.

[quote][R7]/[R12] - it isn’t my home town (I don’t really have one of those) but it is for my husband. They’re a super close family, I am blessed to be a part of it.

Well, if you're "blessed to be part of it," then it takes a village, and honey, you're a one man village for them.

That really stinks, OP. I am the same way so I can’t help you, but I empathize.

If you absolutely can't get out of it, tell the children that you are happy to drive them around since their parents no longer love them enough to care about their activities.

Be the poisonous piece of shit that Datalounge has been training you to be.

Embrace the evil.

How does someone not have a home town?

R24 Army brats come immediately to mind.

[quote] Apparently I wasn’t listening to the whole conversation, because what I thought was a one time thing was apparently for the next ten weeks. (When my husband reminded me the next week I was confused. He remembers me agreeing to do it for the season, apparently).

This sounds fishy. There's a big difference between giving a ride once and giving rides for ten weeks. However it happened, though, you're now committed to it.

I would say no, politely, to all further requests. I'd explain that there was a miscommunication about the ten weeks, but that you decided to honor the "commitment." (To prevent partner's siblings from feeling you are favoring one of them and saying no to the others.)

"Something suddenly came up."

Ernst, did you have a broken arm? How is it now?

Two words OP: Susan Smith.

Are you unaware of the fact some people move a lot r24? Its easy not to have a real "hometown" if you moved around.

You don't mention what your relationship with these siblings is otherwise. Have they done anything for you so that you "owe" them these favors? What is your access to/relationship with these kids?

R31 must be new. Don’t you remember the sleepover debacle? Ernst and his hubby had an entire platoon of children at their house end of October.

R26, it was a conversation with everyone about how hectic life has been. They used to do weekly/bi-weekly family dinners when the kids were younger (Hubby and I lived in Minnesota then) now they’re lucky to get together monthly. The conversation turned to SIL 1 apologizing but saying it’s getting hard, they don’t even have a way to get Niece to her basketball practice....that’s when I stopped petting the dog started paying attention....they were trying to work out their schedules and I opened my big mouth. I thought it was working out schedules for one week, but I was wrong.

R28 - yes. The arm is good. I have full mobility and am basically back to normal. Husband moved the shower hooks down right after it happened, so I am not struggling to reach my stuff anymore!

R31/R32, they’ve always been a close family. I met my husband when he was in grad school at the University of Minnesota. He was the first of the four brothers (all of whom have graduate or professional degrees) to leave the state for school at all, so they were really upset (some with me) when he decided to get a job in Minneapolis upon graduation and wait for me to finish. Then we stayed a few more years while we both got settled in professionally. Anyway - I share that because when we came home I knew them somewhat, but not well. Until this summer I didn’t really know my nieces and nephews more than in passing, but we’ve done quite a bit with them since June. We ran the full circuit of little leave games, etc. this summer, Husband helped one brother coach pee wee football, and I think they’ve taken to us, but I still feel like MIL holds taking her (6’6” 32YO) “baby boy” away from her so I try very hard to fit in with the family.

Ernst. You are a sweetheart. But you always end up in these kind of situations, don't you?

You may not be aware that your in-laws sound like shitheads. Selfish as well. They're using you.

If you feel comfortable with them for whatever reason, then fine. No one can tell you what to do. But if this isn't an EST, it's a really sad story. It sounds as though your husband is working with them against you, too.

Just for instance, how does someone think he's volunteering for a week of chores, then learns that it's for a whole season? And your husband is in on it?

This reminds me of the stories we used to hear years ago when AIDS was rampant, about how a gay guy thought he was so close with his in-laws. Then his spouse died and they swooped down and took everything--the money, the possessions, the apartment. That's how close he was.

Gays may be close to straights here and there. But to straight in-laws? Never.

Who the hell are you R35? You must also protest vaccination and think the world is flat.

Are you always this skeptical of people? It sounds a lot like my family. Someone needed help, so OP was nice enough to volunteer. He didn’t have to, but he did. It does seem like the sister in law is asking a bit much, but it isn’t abnormal to do nice things. And I don’t see how his husband was hanging him out to dry. OP volunteered for the first gig, he isn’t in kahoots with the family to con OP out of his life savings.

OP, you sound like a nice guy. Don’t give too much of your time, but feel free to help out when you are able to. It is good to be close to family, don’t let that asshole tell you otherwise.

Do the ten weeks for kid1. Tell the others no. And don’t let kid 1’s parents think they can sign her up in something else at the end of the ten weeks and you’re good for that, too.

Don’t kids walk or ride their bikes anymore? Carpool? My mother was never a taxi. Most of the time we had to find our own way around because she was busy. Kids need the exercise too.

Hi Ernst, to address your OP, you ask a good question. You most certainly can do as much or as little as you please. No one has the right to question you or challenge you. Unfortunately, people being like they are, they will question and challenge you anyway. I don’t know your in-laws, but they may be resentful and mean. Not that they are right to be so, but they might be, anyway.

So, you have to decide what you can stand. Ideally, you will enjoy the time with the kids and work on building a relationship with them. You will never be thanked enough or compensated emotionally or monetarily for this effort, so forget any thought of that.

It sounds like you are already at your limit and shouldn’t do so much that you start to feel resentful and unappreciated. Therefore, turn-down new requests. If they feel neglected, tell them you discovered that you’re over-extended, over-committed, etc. They may whine that THEY are the ones that are over-committed, with all their kids. That’s when you have to be very patronizing and say, “but you are so blessed to be a parent”. Or go so far as to say, “They’ll be a blessing to you in your old age.” or, “There will come a time that you’ll miss running errands for them, every parent says so.”, or, “I wish I had your patience!”

I have a good relationship with one on my nephews, and I spent a lot of time with him as a child, and never hear from the others.

Hi Ernst,

First of all, aren’t you glad that Muriel didn’t name you “cupcake “, or a similar sappy name?

Second of all, or Seconal, why aren’t you working? I know you’re ambitious and qualified. I can tell. What kind of teacher are you?

Third of all, it’s nice to hear from you.

R34, I am very Type A. I like routines and having things planned out well in advance. These types of things just drive me crazy sometimes.

R38, you would think, however this one really isn’t realistic. We live in a nice suburb, but the league I’m taking her to is in the next town over. It would be more than an hour by bike and with the time change she is done after dark. I would never want her biking home in the cold and dark.

R39, I know it makes my husband happy to hear our stories when I am with them, that makes me take on more than I would otherwise...but you’re right, I’ve hit the limit of what I feel comfortable with. I was thinking today, I can always offer to look after one or two of them (heaven knows I learned my lesson on having all nine of them at once...) while their parents run after the others. I really wouldn’t mind having them over (or going to their house) and making dinner/looking after the kiddos until their mom or dad gets home. My husband would likely join me when he gets off of work too. It might be a good way to help out when needed and still get my time with him.

R40, thank you. Yes, I’m glad I didn’t get a super sappy name. About this time last year my husband was approached about transferring to Columbus from Minneapolis. We thought about it, he interviewed, and eventually decided (together) that it was the right thing to do, I didn’t really have anything keeping me in MN and he had roots in Columbus. He continued working in Minneapolis (spending a few days to a week at a time in Columbus) until my spring break when he moved here and I stayed to finish the school year. Luckily his oldest brother helped look for houses so we had a place to live. In June I joined him, but I have such a narrow license that I knew it would he hard to get a job in my specific area. Luckily, Hubby’s new role made it so we don’t actually need my income to still live comfortably. I would still jump on a position in a heart beat, but it could be five years before one opens. So in the mean time, I am just hanging out and trying to make new friends! It was great to hear from you too.

What do you do that it would be 5 years before you could find a job in the Minneapolis area?!

Besides more money is always helpful even if you guys don't need to survive, and then the in laws would be forced to respect your life if you had a job.

OP, you don't sound Type A; someone who likes a schedule, yes. You're the same person who started those other threads: moving to another town b/c of husband, babysitting all husband's nieces & nephews, shower head too tall because tall husband put it up high. Sounds more like you have problems asserting yourself within your relationship, complicated by husband's family being in close proximity.

[quote] R41 Ernst: ... I have such a narrow license that I knew it would he hard to get a job in my specific area. ...I would still jump on a position in a heart beat, but it could be five years before one opens.

I hope you’re applying despite the expected duration. It sounds like you are. An unexpected position might open up. Plus, five years will fly. I wouldn’t normally volunteer advice like this, I hope you don’t mind.

Gee, I wonder who's the bottom?

The longer you are unemployed, the harder it will be to get a land a job.

R43, you caused a crisis. I have always described myself as Type A, but I just read up and I’ve been using it incorrectly my whole life. I like routines, schedules, and predictability. I am NOT assertive or overly confident (but I didn’t have to tell any of you that...)

R44/R46, the schools within driving distance that have programs I am certified for all have copies of my resume and certification. I try to sub at those schools as often as possible, I even did a long-term maternity sub position at one of them to start the school year. I’m hoping to be kept in mind if there is a change.

You’re really cool R45, please tell me more about your life.

Well, I admit, OP, I always wanted to have nieces or nephews, but neither my brother or sister ever had kids. Instead, my extended family consists of my boyfriend's younger relatives, and I'm grateful to have them in my life.

R48, they’re a lot of fun! This summer I was at a local ball park at least 2-3 times per week watching their baseball/softball games. They were always happy to see us and said thank you afterward. It was also fun to steal them away afterwards, buy them ice cream, and send their sugared-up selves back to their parents.

How tall are you Ernst? What's your favorite position to get pounded by your 6'6" husband?

You can't say yes to one SIL and then no to the other. That's lousy.

I think you have to tell them you will honour the 10 week commitment, but have other things going on, and can’t commit to driving them all.

Like what other things? Liar!

In the car on the way home from Sunday dinner...

Tonight was lightly attended, just us, MIL, FIL, and the BIL/SIL combo that have asked me to do some running for them (not the combo I accidentally committed to or my favs who haven’t asked me to do anything). I used the whole “funny story...I didn’t actually mean to volunteer for ten weeks, but don’t tell SIL1...” and I think it went over well.

Turns out nephew they wanted me to drive has a friend doing the same thing and they agreed to drive him, so I’m not needed.

[quote] The kids will be gone sooner than you know it and it may be some good bonding time.

Yes, there is nothing like bonding with kids as you drive them all around town.

OP, you missed the question at R50.

You’re welcome.

OP, you missed the question at R50.

You’re welcome.

You do realize when they grow up they and their parents will forget all about you. Do it only for your own satisfaction because ultimately it will mean nothing to them.

Of course if you don't do it they will remember that.

R56/R57 (you only have to press “Post” once.

I am 5’7”. Yes he’s a lot taller than me. I’ll leave the second part up to your imagination.

Come on, Ernst. Live a little and let us know what you’re in to.

The second you start to explain or justify your refusal, you've indicated that you can be argued into changing your mind.

NEVER justify or explain. You are inviting them to qualitatively judge whether your reasons are valid TO THEM. You are seeking agreement and affirmation that your refusal is reasonable in THEIR eyes.

Simply say "no, I can't" and be done with it. If they ask why, repeat, "no, I can't." If they demand a reason, don't reply or tell them "you do realize that you're arguing with me to force try to force me to do you a favor, right?"

OP doesn't have a job or kids to take care, and is living off their brother. They are going to see it as the least he can do and resent me if he doesn't.

The solution really is to get a job.

R59 Don't be a prude. Tell us. Does he like to throw you around like a ragdoll?

R62, I don’t know that it is fair to say I am living off of their brother. We knew when we decided to leave MN that I likely wouldn’t be working full time for a while. I am working part time and volunteering, taking care of things around home, etc.

To simply pretend like I’m milking him for all he is worth in not remotely close to the truth.

Shut up and tell us how he fucks you!

R64 It doesn't matter what we think. Your husband's family probably thinks you have a lot of free time since you don't have a full time job. That's why they asked you for help in the first place. Do what you've promised them and say 'no' next time they ask you again. Also, talk to your husband and tell him about what you think. It's easier to turn them down if your husband is the one making excuses saying you are busy.

Now DL has helped you so much. Tell us about your sex life bitch.

Ernst, you haven’t ever told us if you are a male or a female. I’m guessing you’re a female.

Will it ruin things if Ernst tells us he’s a woman?

A little off topic. But “elite” team. Is this the insufferable travel ball? In my experience, the child’s inclusion on the team is based as much on the parents desire and dedication as it is the child’s talent and interest. Usually, it is the frustrated jocks or those trying to fit in with them that push this on the kids. All in the hopes that this child eventually succeed where they failed or were mediocre.

Divorced gay dad here. I did it with my boy for a year. I was so glad when he lost interest. Mainly because his friends didn’t do it. The trips were fun, but expensive. And I certainly didn’t enjoy all the time spent with the other parents.

Plus, when you start segmenting the kids like that, I think it loses the whole character building and team aspect that I enjoyed playing sports in my youth.

By bro in law used his children as an excuse to extend his own childhood another 20 years. Coaching teams and playing ball with them. Also used them as an excuse to buy an SUV he wanted for himself.

R67 100%

R68, I thought the same thing when I heard what she needed the ride for. She’s actually pretty good.

My husband’s height isn’t an anomaly, this nieces dad is 6’5 and her mom was on the women’s basketball team at Ohio State, so you could imagine she’s pretty good for an 11 year old! She’s almost nearly as tall as me.

Subbed again today in the twins’ class. I used to teach high school, but these elementary kids are growing on me.

...and then you came home and your sexy husband nailed you to the floor?

If this comment gets 10WWs, you have to tell us.

I guess the subject line implies that Ernst is a male.

But Ernst, your neglect in answering the question about your gender just make me more curious! You can just lie. “Truth” is optional on DataLounge.

Confirmed. I am a man.

I find it very disappointing that Ernst keeps asking DLers for help but he/she won't even tell us one thing we all want to know. What's your favorite way to get fucked by your husband so much taller than you?

R75 With a step ladder?

I say ya slam on the brakes, slide open the minivan door, pick up each 'a those pixie kids by the scruff 'a the neck, and throw 'em out into the snow.

Then ya drive off.

Ugh...you bitches are relentless. OP peppered in "Kiddos," and "blessed" a lot, so obviously missionary with some light choking, since her husband sounds like a control freak. With such height difference, doggy style to spice it up sometimes, then reverse cowgirl for y'know anniversary, birthday and such.

P.S. They obviously do not have much of a sex life, very spayed and neutered.

Hysterical R78.

A Portrait of OP:

"missionary with some light choking" made me laugh out loud.

Ernst did we scare you away? Come back to us!

Ernst? You there, buddy?

Also, that comment up there got to 10WW, so you have to tell us now.

What do you people even want to know? This has gone a little overboard here.

Hold your ground, Ernst!

...still waiting. R72, is up to 12WW.

Tell us about your bland, vanilla sex life

I’m sorry that some of you are stuck on this. I will not be divulging details of my sex life, which was definitely not bland or vanilla this afternoon when my husband got home from work.

Ernst, 'overboard'? What did you want? One response? Then why did you come with this to DL? If you are going to play doormat there were other obviously more sympathetic options than to come here.

How’s about that new Cats trailer eh?

Ernst you are so uptight. This is DL. Stop clutching your pearls.

Leave Ernst alone!

"Big Daddy came home from work in a mood. He slammed the door behind him and dropped his leather briefcase directly onto the hardwood foyer - though he knew I wanted the briefcase to always be placed in the hall closet. Bastard. But I made no mention of that as I could almost see the lust emanating off of him, like a ripening honeydew on a hot summer day in our lovely homemade melon patch.

His undid tie with a deft hand swoosh. A five o'clock shadow danced upon his Superman jaw. He glared at me from across the room. It was menacing, it was dangerous, it was full of longing and desire for what I had to assume was my back-there flower. I set down my Chard atop the bar and went to him, orbiting across the room like a Jupiter moon on meth. Was this what I was waiting for all day? While I drove around brat after brat in my Suburu? Of course it was.

I reached him and held my breath. He smelled of Ivory soap and Scotch. Then, suddenly, almost violently, he pulled me close, owning my very soul my petite frame became resolutely his. He then spun me around so that I was bent over the arm of our couch. He ripped my caftan clean off me. A zephyr whipped up and blew across my vulnerable flower. I could sense him looming my body, like a Victorian villain. I felt his large hands encircle my throat. Yes, Big Daddy. Light choking. Oh, the agony. Oh the ecstasy. Could today be the day we do reverse cowboy? Sweet jesus, YES...

Wait. Fuck. Did I forgot our anniversary?

I love Ernst. He sounds like a lovely person. I wish I had a kind uncle like you around when I was growing up. God knows my single mom needed the help. I can’t ever imagine taking advantage of someone so kind.

R93 has scared me for life.

Thank you, R94. Much appreciated!

I wish I could be scared for life.

The only thing you can do in a situation like this is load all the kids into your car and drive off a cliff.

R98, that’s what railroad crossings are for.

Quite frankly after that “There’s Something Wrong with Aunt Diane” documentary I’m surprised anyone let’s the aunts or uncles drive the kids anywhere?