Was Jesus gay?

With that body, Lord knows He could’ve had any man He wanted.

Jesus the gardener?

I don't know where you got that picture, but this is what Jesus looked like.

He's not gay--he's just fashionable!

He starred in a gay porn!

He's just waiting or the right gal!

Jesus fucking christ!

Ecce HOMO

Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene if you believe the Gnostic Gospels and the Gospel of Philip and the Gospel of Mary. These were early Christian texts that never made it to the Church-sanctioned Holy Bible.

Jesus and the disciples all roaming around the desert; all those men together alone, you know there was lots of gay stuff happening

He was with that hooker Mary M so was probably a cuck. Straight creep I’d say.

Mary Magdalene wasn't a hooker, R11.

Jesus was not gay. Jesus used his divine nature to suppress any sexual desires his human nature had.

He was a good Jewish boy who still lived at home with his mother.

MM wasn't a whore, she was a hag!

I don't know about gay. Certainly some mental illness there.

[quote]Jesus used his divine nature to suppress any sexual desires his human nature had.

I'll say!

He was just too, too divine!

You don't know he was never married.

He was always calling Judas "Judy" at gatherings. He would shout at him, "hey Judy, give us a song!"

Whenever he spoke of his mother he'd clutch at an imaginary necklace around his neck and yell, "Oh Mary!"

He managed to put on a FABULOUS last-minute brunch with just a few loaves and fishes.

I'm convinced.

He could never understand why entire bridal parties would crash his men-only gatherings demanding more wine and stuff. He'd giggle to himself and say under his breath, "Fishes and loaves? Fishes and HO's is more like it."

He guest hosted "Watch What Happens LIVE — Gethsemane"

Did he have a wonky eye, R23?

R22, what does the ho possess?

John was the apostle Jesus loved. If one assumes he loved them all then the specific mention in the bible held extra significance. John and Jesus had a thing going on. On the cross he said to John, and I paraphrase. "Take care of her." and he did.

yes

Bitch, I thought you said PRESS-ON Nails!

Fun fact. Jesus Christ is mentioned in ancient Indian texts. It's claimed that's where he learned some of his powers. There's a gap in time between Christ' birth and the gathering of his followers.

She was trans, just look at that outfit!

This gives a whole new meaning to the TRANSfiguration.

Saw OP's pic, and meh. AWD (average white deity) at best, hair's too Cobain-ish, and someone's hitting that water-based wine pretty hard I'd say. Also, what's with the holier-than-thou 'tude?

[quote]“And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit. At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom”

He started redecorating immediately. He had ALWAYS hated that color.

I don’t know what R10 is talking about. The disciples were good boys, and so was my Jesus. We had a lot of elderly people on the block and my Jesus was always the first one outside shoveling their driveways and scraping their windshields....they didn’t even have to ask him. And his carpentry! Oh, his carpentry!

My Jesus had SUCH a gift for woodworking but he had no idea how good he really was. It was a big joke to him. I’d compliment him on it and the disciples would laugh and laugh and laugh. “Yeah, Jesus, no one works my wood like you.” “You told your mom about the miracles you worked on my wood?? That makes me kind of uncomfortable.“ On and on they’d go, laughing and laughing, and playing grab-ass.

I still don’t understand what was so funny about it, but you know how boys are.

He wore a Kaftan. Need I say more?

[quote]On the cross he said to John, and I paraphrase. "Take care of her." and he did.

He was pointing at James when he said this.

What was Mary Magdalene if not a hooker? A dancer?

"Mary Magdalene wasn't a hooker, [R11]."

But she was one of them Red Hat Ladies, I hear.

Jesus was fun. We enjoyed hanging out with him.

Check out his Holy Twink

Clearly Jesus was bi. If he was gay he would’ve made more fabulous clothing choices. If he was straight we would’ve seen pictures of them with women all over the place. And besides he’d like to change water into wine. That kind of fabulous Hass to be at least bi.

OP picked the least Jewish-looking Jesus ever. At least give the guy black hair, brown eyes, and decent Mediterranean schnozz.

Mary Magdalene was not a prostitute. She was a devout disciple of Jesus, and supposedly John grew jealous of her closeness and special relationship with Jesus. It was Pope Gregory (540-604) centuries later who conflated Mary Magdalene with another woman in their entourage whom Luke described as a "sinner" who anointed Jesus with precious ointment. And this interpretation stuck for several centuries afterword.

There was no Jesus. It's all a kooky made-up bible story, you dopes!

Mary Magdalene has gone from "that sinful woman" to saint in the eyes of the Catholic, Eastern Orthodox, Anglican, and Lutheran churches—with a feast day of July 22. Other Protestant churches honor her as a heroine of the faith. The Eastern Orthodox churches also commemorate her on the Sunday of the Myrrhbearers, the Orthodox equivalent of one of the Western Three Marys traditions. Speculations that Mary Magdalene was Jesus's wife or that she had a sexual relationship with him are regarded by most historians as highly dubious.

Jesus was a straight up top.

He and the disciples either had sex or wanked OR approximately two of them (on average) had wet dreams on any night.

"Our Lord and Savior always wore sandals, and he never married. And he had twelve disciples, and I don't think any of them ever married. And the apostle Paul, he was a lifelong bachelor. And you never heard anybody in the New Testament say that they were a bunch of queers."

Last words on the cross: "Mother, will you get me my pumps, these spikes are killing me!"

Too soon, r48. Too soon.

I thought Kanye was Jesus, the chosen one! - Hole Orenstein

A different calendar system was used back then. Not the current Gregorian. I’m fairly certain the years were shorter, meaning he was younger than how someone would be aged today.

Yeah, right. 33 years old, but looking 10 years younger ... except, there was no DL back then.

[bold]It was a rumor during the early Christian Age. [/bold]Clement of Alexandria, who wrote...

To them, therefore, as I said above, one must never give way; nor, when they put forward their falsifications, should one concede that the secret Gospel is by Mark, but should even deny it on oath. For, "Not all true things are to be said to all men".

(The secret Gospel contained this paragraph, which was deleted by the early Church fathers.)

[italic]And they come into Bethany. And a certain woman whose brother had died was there. And, coming, she prostrated herself before Jesus and says to him, 'Son of David, have mercy on me.' But the disciples rebuked her. And Jesus, being angered, went off with her into the garden where the tomb was, and straightway a great cry was heard from the tomb. And going near, Jesus rolled away the stone from the door of the tomb. And straightaway, going in where the youth was, he stretched forth his hand and raised him, seizing his hand. But the youth, looking upon him, loved him and began to beseech him that he might be with him. And going out of the tomb, they came into the house of the youth, for he was rich. And after six days Jesus told him what to do, and[bold] in the evening the youth comes to him, wearing a linen cloth over his naked body. And he remained with him that night, for Jesus taught him the mystery of the Kingdom of God.[/bold] And thence, arising, he returned to the other side of the Jordan."[/italic]

After these words follows the text, [italic]"And James and John come to him[/italic]", and all that section. But [italic]"naked man with naked man," [/italic]and the other things about which you wrote, are not found.

And after the words, [italic]"And he comes into Jericho," the secret Gospel adds only, "And the sister of the youth whom Jesus loved and his mother and Salome were there, and Jesus did not receive them." [/italic]But the many other things about which you wrote both seem to be, and are, falsifications.

Evidently early versions contained the passage in italics - most likely a Hellenic addition. The earliest codices of the Gospels do NOT contain the passage.

Yes he was gay. He had a same sex family, entrusting his mother to beloved John after his death, against the traditions of the people, who would have foisted her on his brothers.

Not only he was gay,he was also a communist

Nah, I don't think so. It is vaguely interesting to me that he had nothing at all to say on the subject, though.

Jesus was a myth. A god figure (Jewish angel, more likely) who was given an earthly history afterwards by devout followers. The same thing happened to other deities in other religions (Zeus, for example).

Most biblical scholars agree now that Moses, Joshua and Jacob were also mythical characters.

Richard Carrier is a bible scholar (PhD) who reads ancient greek, aramaic and hebrew and explains very clearly about how the Jesus myth began (see link)

R57 Ya think?

[quote]Jesus wept.

At the end of Steel Magnolias.

He was a pansexual enbie. Gay didn't exist back then, transphobes.

Verificatia of martyrmeat?

[quote]Not only he was gay,he was also a communist

And a community organizer!

He was a carpenter, like Jeff Lewis is a carpenter.

Sounds like he was pansexual.

[quote]He was a carpenter, like Jeff Lewis is a carpenter.

He was a carpenter like Vairst Letty was an architect.

Bitch is stalking me! Stop calling me, Jesus!

Jesus didn't possess a Devine Nature until after he died on the cross and then ascending to heaven he became Devine, who wouldn't. He was just a man during his lifetime on earth and that's according to Pope Francis. There is no need for a trinity, there is only one God in Jewish and Christian belief.

This thread again?

[quote] Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene if you believe the Gnostic Gospels and the Gospel of Philip and the Gospel of Mary. These were early Christian texts that never made it to the Church-sanctioned Holy Bible.

If by early you mean 300-400 years after the fact.

[quote] You don't know he was never married.

Absolutely right. Point one for rationality.

[quote] John was the apostle Jesus loved. If one assumes he loved them all then the specific mention in the bible held extra significance. John and Jesus had a thing going on. On the cross he said to John, and I paraphrase. "Take care of her." and he did.

[quote] Actually, the text doesn’t give the name of the disciple Jesus loved and scholars are divided. Some say John, others say Lazarus, and some say someone else entirely…even Mary.

[quote] Fun fact. Jesus Christ is mentioned in ancient Indian texts. It's claimed that's where he learned some of his powers.

Fun fact: those “ancient” texts were written hundreds of years after Jesus and in some versions of the stories the things attributed to Jesus in one are attributed to Thomas in another.

[quote] There's a gap in time between Christ's birth and the gathering of his followers.

You mean Jesus wasn’t an infant when he called his first disciples?

[quote] He was pointing at James when he said this.

Doesn’t say that in the text.

R42 is exactly right. Bravo, r42.

[quote] There was no Jesus. It's all a kooky made-up bible story, you dopes!

And here come the dopey “Jesus never existed” guys…

R42, the document you are referring to is a forgery created by a bitter, gay scholar (Morton Smith) to prove he was genius enough to hoax the people who shunned him for being gay.

And r57 thinks because one guy says it it must be true.

[quote] The same thing happened to other deities in other religions (Zeus, for example).

Zeus was given an earthly history?

[quote] Most biblical scholars agree now that Moses, Joshua and Jacob were also mythical characters.

Which has absolutely nothing to do with whether Jesus existed and is exactly the kind of nonsensical, illogical argument the "Jesus Never Existed" scholars make.

[quote] Richard Carrier is a Bible scholar (PhD) who reads ancient Greek, Aramaic and Hebrew and explains very clearly about how the Jesus myth began (see link).

A theory for which he has ABSOLUTELY no evidence whatsoever. No documents that even hint at this. And every document that does exist points in a different direction.

[quote] Jesus didn't possess a Devine Nature until after he died on the cross and then ascending to heaven he became Devine, who wouldn't. He was just a man during his lifetime on earth and that's according to Pope Francis. There is no need for a trinity, there is only one God in Jewish and Christian belief.

No Pope said anything remotely like this.

Jesus Christ is already back on Earth and he has to make the very difficult decision of choosing between Henry Cavill and Sam Heughan as his eternal, immortal husband!

He can work a miracle and marry them both. (Doesn't he want 12, anyway?)

Jesus is a sexual predator

You've officially crossed the line, OP, and Father Feeney says you're gonna be in big trouble.

[quote] Was Jesus gay?

MARY!

[quote]he became Devine

Andy or Adam?

Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene, they moved to the south of France, had several children and founded the Merovingian dynasty.

R80 So you're sayiing, Mary Magdalene didn't mind bearding for Jesus?

😨 [italic] Creepy.

Very, Very Creepy.

The Jesus in r1 sez: "Fuck your sins, I'm getting the HELL outta here!"

This thread is ridiculously blasphemous

What R80 said. Everyone knows it is true.

No way a rabbi remained unmarried into his 30's. That is unthinkable.

I think the right escort could make bank as a warm, cleanly washed Jesus in homespun robes.

It might be quite soothing to have Jesus come to your place, fuck you soundly, then hold you for an hour (!) (He could whisper soothing things about life after death, too)

[quote] No way a rabbi remained unmarried into his 30's.

Jesus wasn't a rabbi in the sense you are thinking. Jesus lived when the Temple still stood. Rabbis then were teachers, not priests.

And, again, there is no way of knowing how old he was when he was crucified.

Single at 33, what do you think? I mean, that was not allowed back then.

So, we're just going to keep ignoring that we don't actually know how old Jesus was?

[quote]r89 Single at 33, what do you think? I mean, that was not allowed back then.

Well, he was kind of a rock star playa of sorts, wasn't he? He probably didn't want to commit to one woman, with the multitude of snatch being hurled his way daily.

You are all disgusting and going straight to hell.

YOU are denying thatb the Spirit was made flesh!

Thick, throbbing FLESH!

You know of course, OP, that it is highly unlikely that Jesus had blond hair and blue eyes and light skin. That is just the way white Christians like to imagine him. As for him being gay, I'd say there is as good a chance he was as that he wasn't. He was a religious Jew and the men and women, even today, tend to hang out with the same sex. I guess since people are born or not born gay when you hang out mostly with your own sex it would make someone who is born gay have a better chance of getting some.

Exactly, r19. Some speculate that the wedding at Cana was His.

He wasn’t gay until he met a black guy

The law was, men were to marry and have children. It wasn't something you could ignore.

He lived by GOD'S law, thankyouverymuch. Not the piddling laws of man!

[quote] The law was, men were to marry and have children. It wasn't something you could ignore.

So, we are just making up ancient Jewish laws now too?

Which of the apostles was an insatiable bottom?

[quote] Actually, the text doesn’t give the name of the disciple Jesus loved and scholars are divided. Some say John, others say Lazarus, and some say someone else entirely…even Mary.

How could it be Mary, when the text says, "Woman, behold your son."

Don't ask me. Ask the scholars who argue for it. (I think it is Lazarus.)

He was married. I was there.

I don't know if he was gay or not but I'm totally certain of his divine nature and absolute power as I've witnessed first hand too many extraordinary miracles performed in his name.

Tell us about 'em, r104.

Mythical superheroes can be anything you imagine, dear.

What about me?

r101, You're kidding, right?? (See: r107, signature.)

[quote]He was married. I was there.

I was a bridesmaid.

Hmm...I never thought about Jesus being gay. I would have to think that it could potentially be why he had such a horrible death, but then I also want to stick with the idea that He's just maybe one of those straight guy friends you have that supports you as a gay man, doesn't mind you laying your head on his shoulders or in his lap, but the moment that you try to proposition him for kissing or sex, he just rebuffs you or gets extremely upset and stops talking to you for a couple of hours or days.

A raging Jesus curses a fig tree and makes it wither in Mark 11:13, just because it won't bear him any fruit.

That sounds like something a gay would do.

r70 this is for you

and this too, r70

What? He practised the world's oldest profession?

I asked my Magic 8 Ball and it told me to ask again later.

[quote] 33 and never married. Not even a girlfriend.

How do we know "Jesus" never had a date? There are huge chunks of his life (most of his 20s) that are completely unaccounted for. He might have been doing "god" knows what in that time. He might have had some "wild 20s", for all we know. The book just skips over that period.

But, logically, if a person like "Jesus" did exist, by the end he wouldn't have time for chicks or dicks. He had deadlines to meet, people to "save" / indoctrinate, Roman soldiers & governors to piss off.

In the book, he's an ancient version of an obsessive / fanatical prodigal nerd. Many geeky (equally obsessive & fanatical) scientists and software developers are the same: 33 and "never-married" virgins. The Big Bang Theory was not exaggerating when it introduced some of its characters (in their late 20s / early 30s) as high-achievers and prodigal scientists but almost hopeless cases in terms of getting any kind of partner.

That's so interesting, R42. I've never heard this before. I always thought she was a "lady of the night".

[quote] [R70] this is for you

He didn't say that. That is hearsay from a 95-year-old atheist.

[quote] “As already stated on other occasions, the words that Dr Eugenio Scalfari attributes in quotation marks to the Holy Father during talks with him cannot be considered a faithful account of what was actually said but represent a personal and free interpretation of what he heard, as appears completely evident from what is written today regarding the divinity of Jesus Christ,” Matteo Bruni, the director of the Holy See’s press office, said in a statement on October 9.

Jesus didn't like labels. So yes, he was gay.

[quote] r116 He might have had some "wild 20s", for all we know. The book just skips over that period.

Those were the modeling years. But as with so many, they were over at 30.