Phrases my granddaddy (RIP) used - feel free to share yours

“If you boy don’t behave, I’m gonna bend ya over and cornhole ya!”

“Pull down ya britches, I need to unleash the hog.”

"It's as dry as a popcorn fart."

"It's raining like a cow peeing on a flat rock."

R3 - that’s hilarious 😆

Whenever my dad let a big fart rip, he would say, "Work like a horse, fart like a horse." We kids would roll on the floor laughing.

"Dumb as a box of hair."

My dad hates any non-American made cars. When he would see someone driving in a very small car like a Smart car or MiniCooper he would say: “Now there’s goes a Dumbass in a SmartCar!”

"My snatch is dry and used up"

My father used this phrase a lot to denote something being done fast: ..."like a streak of shit through a tin horn." For the life of me, I don't know where that originally came from, although I'm aware that General Patton used a similar phrase, stating that his troops were going to go through Europe "like shit through a goose."

It's interesting your fathers and grandfathers were so earthy. Mine were the opposite--the worst phrase they would use to swear would be "Judas Priest!", and they would also use phrases of exclamation like "Jeeminy Christmas!" They were very genteel.

My great uncle: “Darker than the inside of a cow.”

My slightly racist grandpa when black people were present: “Do y’all smell fried chicken and watermelon?”

“Seig Heil!”

"It's hot as 3 feet up a bull's ass"

"He's got a face like the north end of a south bound mule"

"Biddy brains"

"He's too stupid to pour piss out of a boot, with the directions on the heel"

From my dad:

מיט איין תּחת קען מען ניט טאַנצן אויף צוויי חתונות. Mit eyn tokhes ken men nit tantsn af tsvey khasenes. You can't dance at two weddings with one behind

My grandpa was an old school Brooklyn smart-ass. He used the same quips over and over. He was aces.

“You’re funny. But looks aren’t everything”

“That and a nickel will get you on the subway.”

“I’d sooner kiss his ass in Macy’s window.”

How do you feel grandpa? “With my hands.”

What time is it? “Same time as yesterday, 24 hours later.”

R17, you reminded me of other things my dad said. They weren’t particularly clever, but they were him.

When I wanted to do something and argued that some friend was doing it, Dad would say, “If your friend jumps off the Brooklyn Bridge, are you gonna jump, too?”

When Dad was asked what day it was, he’d say, “Wednesday. All day.”

That's dumber than boots on a rooster

my nana called people names very creatively. sometimes in English, sometimes German and sometimes she would be pissed enough to mix it up and then translate for you.

she called the mailman a pig-fucking dog several times. it was definitely her favorite phrase

I contribute these in my father's memory. 'Too much of what the cat licks its arse with'. 'You're like the boy who shat himself, you know all about it'.

“You can’t un-ring a bell”

He used the “Wedensday, all day,” line too R18.

Both grandmas used the Brooklyn Bridge expression, as well as “Does Macy’s tell Gimbel’s?”

One I never really understood was - if he was angry at one of us - "I'm going to slap you to sleep."

Ima snatch you BALD-HEADED!!!!!

He's as useful as tits on a hound‐dog!!!

"Uglier than homemade sin"

Whose rat barked? = Who farted! Or, remarking on someone's fart: Didn't pay the rent, so it had to get out!

Hotter'n rat fuck!!!

Hotter than a dick in wool underwear.

Turn off that kaffir music!

As Paddy said,"Each to his own taste," as he bent over to kiss the cow's...!

And OP< I've heard, "Colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra."

When someone did something stupid: "And they shot Lincoln." (said in disbelief)

Encountering morons: "The people you meet, when you're out without your gun."

When a lady's slip is showing: something like "Jimmy's out of his box." or "It's snowing down south."

R11, mine were "genteel", too, but don't you think that was mostly for our benefit? My father was in the Army in WWII; my grandfather served in WWI. I'm sure they heard the crudest language imaginable.

But, In their generations, men did not use crude words around women. Since my mother or grandmother was usually around when I was with either one of them, that alone would have stopped them. But I also think they would have considered it inappropriate to use "bad words" around a child, including me. It

That is, I don't think they lacked for colorful language, just that I didn't hear it.

"She looks like 10 pounds of sausage in 5 pounds of casing!"

Eat my saggy hole boy!

[quote]Turn off that kaffir music!

Wow, does that take me back to another time and place! Those exact words, usually when I was listening to Springbok Radio too loud. Many years and a continent later, I used that same directive at my kids when they would blast MTV.

Ons vir jou Zuid Afrika!

I'm embarrassed to admit I got 100% on this quiz about '50s slang.

When I was a teenager, and if I did something that really pissed my Dad off, he would say, "The best part of you ran down your mother's leg."

Σκότωσα τη γιαγιά σου. Θα σε σκοτώσω κι εγώ αν με τσαντίσεις.

Go scratch your ass.

My ex's long-dead mother:

Cold as a mother-in-law's kiss.

I'm gonna slap you silly and it won't take much slappin'.

Blind as a bat and twice as batty.

My father:

You have a point there - if you comb your hair cleverly, you can conceal it.

My godmother:

Quick as a fart in a skillet.

"She's got a face like a mudgate fence" I have no fucking idea what that meant but it would make me laugh.

Boy, don't make me take out my dick and piss in your oatmeal.

My Great Aunt Mickey, a woman who owned her own mountain always said:

When yer stupid, ya suffer.

"He didn't know whether to shit or go blind!"

"Built like a brick shit house." My MIL would say this to describe a woman with a great figure.

If she's had as many dicks stickin' outta her as she's had stuck in 'er she'd look like a god damn porcupine....

“You can’t fix dumb!”

Grandpa on whining: "You'd complain if you were hanged with a new rope."

I'm sweating like a whore in church!

It's colder than a witch's tit!

Look at the piss flaps on her!

R34, our version was, "She looks like ten pounds of potatoes in a five pound sack." We also had "crazy as a pet coon" and "he has the personality of a mashed potato sandwich."

I wish I knew R15's grandpa.

[quote]When I was a teenager, and if I did something that really pissed my Dad off, he would say, "The best part of you ran down your mother's leg."

This is what the kids call SAVAGE.

My mom-"If he had a million dollars he'd complain that they were wrinkled."

Dad- "He doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground."

1)Crazier than a shithouse rat. 2)More nervous than a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. 3)I was born at night, but not last night. 4) Cold as a witch’s tit in a brass bra. 5) Wish in one hand, shit in the other, see which fills up first. 6) He doesn’t know shit from shinola. 7) Make up your 25 cent mind. 8) She’s as sweaty as a stuck pig. 9) Don’t piss on my leg and tell me it’s raining. 10) He doesn’t have a pot to piss in, or a window to throw it out of. Ok, I will stop now…

my nana also had a really sweet and thoughtful sentiment she would often express :

'you're mother is a fucking whore'

and she was not wrong.

jesus 'your' not 'you're'. my nana would never make that mistake

If wishes were n*****s we'd all have slaves.

What kind of monster would give a way a cat the second her daughter goes away to college

My assiduously respectable, Methodist late grandmother would say Hell's Teeth, which translates loosely to Jesus Fucking Christ.

When we were driving and my father needed to stop to use the men's room, he would say, "I need to sharpen my skates." I have NO idea where that came from.

R36 😝 grandad from Johannesburg, Dad spent his summers there and west to Wits.

If my grandfather saw a hot, sexy woman, he would say, "I'd eat 10 feet of her shit to see the hole it came out of." He never said that around my grandmother, of course.

If any of us would ask, "Who farted?", my grandfather would say, "A skunk smells his own hole first."

If my grandfather saw an attractive woman, or if a woman in the family was dressed particularly nicely, he'd say, in an admiring tone, "come in this house and shut that door!" It was meant to be a compliment.

I always heard “colder than a witches titty in a brass bra doing pushups in the snow” which seems much more DataLounge.

A day late and a dollar short.

We live in hopes and die in despair.

Woulda' coulda' shoulda'.

Mom could be a real downer sometimes.

“Time to shake the dew off my lily” as an expression for “I have to go take a piss.”

"Harder than the preacher's pecker on Sunday morning."

I feel left out ... both my grandfathers died before I was born.

But I'm sure they would have had some real doozies, in a genteel, educated, double-entendre sort of way.

[quote]It's interesting your fathers and grandfathers were so earthy. Mine were the opposite--the worst phrase they would use to swear would be "Judas Priest!", and they would also use phrases of exclamation like "Jeeminy Christmas!" They were very genteel.

Aw, r11, I love that!! If only more people were as genteel; it's so charming! Please carry on that tradition <3

My grandfather in response to my grandmother nagging him: “she could make Jesus Christ jump off the cross”.

I'll slap you into next week.

Said by my granddad to my uncle who owned him some money:

"Boy, you better give me my money or I'm gonna beat you down to the white meat!"

When grandpa saw an obvious rough-looking whore, he would say “she’s been rode hard and put up wet!”

"Colder than a well digger's ass in the Klondike."

'He wouldn't spend a nickel to see Christ crucified."

"I wouldn't piss up his ass if his guts were on fire."

Alternately, "I wouldn't piss in his mouth if his teeth were on fire."

Not my grandaddy but LBJ was great with these phrases. There is one part of this tape where LBJ asks for an extra 3" to be added to his pants crotch cause as he says, his pants are so tight "it's like ride'n a wire fence".

Cutachogie

Which was used in place of let’s go or skeddadle. Are there any Korean speakers on the thread? My understanding it was his English speaker version of a phrase he heard while serving in Korea, which might have meant eff off white guy.

If we complained about what was on the table for supper, he'd say "Shit up and eat it, You'll be just as full as if ya liked it.:"

R34, my grandad said "Ten pounds of potatoes in a five pound sack."

Dad:

"Have to see a man about a horse" (have to pee)

(Disdainfully) "Oh, he's EDUCATED - he just isn't smart."

(Mom, waking us up and announcing breakfast)

"Cold cats' eyes Fried in snot All rolled up and tied in a knot!"

(Spoken disdainfully) "Her feet don't track."

When my father would curse, particularly if he broke something or hurt himself, he would use a string of foul words but the way he said it always sounded like one word. It always made me laugh.

Shitfuckgoddamnsonofabitch

When my mother wanted to swear she usually said, "Man Oh Manischewitz."

r80=George Costanza

"Colder than a witch's tit"

"Hotter than a whore's ass on payday"

"Uglier than a can of assholes with the pretty ones picked out"

he was running like a fat lady headed to sale at lane Bryant !!!!!

“I bet her pussy’s wetter than a monsoon in Malaysia.”

-my vulgar great uncle when it was just “us boys” around

Stop squealing and bear down.

Shut up and suck.

Cum for pawpaw.

R84, my mother used that "man oh Manischewitz" expression, too, sometimes. It was originally a catchphrase from radio ads for the wine, I think.

r91 You are correct. The tagline was "Man Oh Manischewitz, what a wine!"

I barely neither of my grandfathers, so I'll just add one from my dad, which is true for all things in life: "Don't do anything HALF-ASS!"

So true -- always use full ass.

barely KNEW*^^

“I’m as full as a tick on a hound dog!”

“Sure as gun’s iron”

Both of my parents said several of these posted:

Colder than a witches tit in a brass bra.

He doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground or, alternately, shit from shineola.

Too dumb to pour piss out of a boot.

Doesn't have a pot to piss in.

I'll be dipped! (Expression of surprise)

Slap you to sleep/beat you with an inch of your life.

Sweating like a white in church.

Full as a tick (stuffed)

Fine as frog hair

*whore in church.

Autocorrect you're an asshole!

My grandfather was from the same area, OP. A couple of his favorites were "Heavens to Betsy!" and "Well I'll BE!"