Let's be people the Golden Girls abandoned and/or destroyed their lives

I'm Mario. My substitute English teacher submitted my essay without my permission, which won a contest and got me on the radar of ICE, and rapidly deported.

She said she'd' try and help me from FL but I never heard from her in YEARS.

Luckily I sucked some ICE dick and snuck back in later and now work on a syndicated entertainment news program.

r1 ICE didn't exist in the '80s.

I’m Frieda Claxton..

The nice one killed me.

I’m Coca. Need I explain?

r4

did you have a sex change?

I'm Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I was hardly a blip on the screen.

I'm Renee Corliss. I didn't get a spin-off.

I;m the teen slut who got knocked up by my bf. I stayed with those hags a few days until my dad decided to let me come back home. Rose was going to take me to lamaze classes. She never showed up. Because I didn't know how to breathe properly, I died during childbirth. I hate that old fat whore Rose!

Omg R8 I just burst out laughing at work!!!

I’m Ida. Sophia found me living in a homeless shelter she tried to raise my spirits and give me hope.

“People care ...... they really do!!”

When the sun came up I saw her robbing another shelter resident’s leather bomber jacket and she took off! I never saw her again!!

And r2 wonders why she doesn't get invited to parties.

Seriously R11! I could've typed INS but he wouldn't have known what it meant

Dorothy's cold and cruel treatment of me broke my heart.

I was also on the hook for that reservation for 10 at The Mortimer Club.

I, as well as the rest of Miami's literary intelligentsia, will never forgive her.

I also suspect both she and her dwarf mother might have been closet Jews.

you old queens are fuckin sad

R14 And, yet here you are, sniping on a thread you apparently don't like, in the wee hours of the morning...

Barbara Thorndyke at R14.

Or maybe just any old dyke.

I’m Murray, not abandoned in season three. But abandoned in season five when Rose and Blanche decide to go to the Mortimer Club themselves while Dorothy is out of town.

I’m never shown on camera but you know it happened.

I’m the fat shaming that prompted Becky to lose a hundred pounds and get a face transplant.

I'm Stan's new wife in season one while Dorothy had an affair with him.

I'm Lillian. After Blanche's "breast money" ran out, the new nursing home kicked me out for non-payment. She and Sophia never bothered to check on me and assumed I wouldn't live past the 2 years her breast fund paid for.

I ended up in the same homeless shelter as Ida. We stay up at night shivering (in the FREEZING Miami nights) and plot revenge on those heartless cunts!

I’m Daisy. I wan’t that fucking bear back! Finders keepers!

[quote]I’m Daisy. I wan’t that fucking bear back! Finders keepers!

Finders??? Blanche GAVE you that doll.

Let's take her to court

"

We're Sophia, Blanche, and Rose. Dorothy married some guy from the Airplane movies and abandoned us, leaving to run some ridiculous hotel. It only lasted one season, so it obviously destroyed our lives.

I'm little Mei Ling. My adoptive mother Dorothy had a nervous breakdown at my coming-out party. Haven't I suffered enough?

I'm Lucas Hollingsworth , after I divorced That BITCH Dorothy. Me and Stan discovered our latent homosexuality.

I sold Hollingsworth Manor to a Walmart developer Me and Stan bought a little Condo in Wilton Manors . We hope we NEVER SEE THOSE BITCHES AGAIN .

I'm BIG SAL , after I paid that bitch Sophia her dowry 💰 , I was flat broke .I had to get a job as a FTM impersonator just to pay the mortgage.

I'm that Lesbian who preferred Rose over Blanche. That frigid cunt. At least Blanche would have been fun in bed.

I'm Sonny Bono , after Dorothy turned down my Marriage proposal . I was Soo distraught , I skied into a tree.

I'm the cheesecake box. They used me, then discarded me like yesterday's newspaper.

We're Kim Fung Toi and Mrs. Gonzales. We had our identities stolen.

I'm MR. HA HA from THE HOT DOG HACIENDA . We closed shortly after these old bitties quit having parties here .

I'm MR . BURT REYNOLDS of THE BURT REYNOLDS DINNER THEATRE , between my guest appearance on GG and that blonde bimbo I married . My Career NEVER recovered .

OP, you are Marth Lamont? Did you have a sex change before you offed yourself?

I'm the minks that these suppose animal loving bitches were going to kill for fur. Once they found out we were old homosexual minks they promised to take care of us. They never came back out to the garage until they hired some old Italian lech to make it into a bedroom. By then we had died from starvation.

I’m Kim Fung Toi. I still get hate mail from my former classmates and I’m barred from attending any of my high school reunions. It’s ok, Kim Jong Un wont let me leave anyway.

I'm David, Blanche's grandson. Grandma Blanche and the other women promised me I could come there like whenever if things got bad at home again. After leaving Miami, my parents continued to fight and ignore me. Those selfish cunts in Miami never even checked up on me, and they never returned my calls. I started doing drugs to escape. I overdosed and died by age 17.

I'm Blanche's slutty niece Lucy. In my heyday I did it with any man: doctors, cops, truckers, pilots - well you get the picture. I looked up to Aunt (like lookin' in a mirror) Blanche for guidance because I was clearly crying out for help. Was she there for me? No. She was too busy frantically getting her own carnal needs met that she threw me, as well as all of her grandchildren under the bus. I know live in a run down mobile home park in Georgia after having 4 children by 4 different men, and every STD in the book. My pussy stretched between here and Savannah.

You guys have some good ones. Keep me going!

I'm Jeremy. I was going to marry Blanche's fat daughter. Even though the whole episode was about making fun of her, I was made out to be the villain. Sophia said more vicious things about her than I did.

I'm Linda Bloodworth-Thomason. I came up with an idea for a show about four women in the mid eighties, but it was never as good and fared badly when against those bitches when in the same time slot. It's now forgotten.

I'm Gladys Barton. My husband Leonard refused to help pay to clean up the tree from our yard that fell on the Golden Girls' lanai. Sophia, that old EYE-talian as my husband Leonard called her, put a curse on Leonard. I played along to punish Leonard for being such an asshole. He even developed a boil on his butt, which I thought at the time was just luck. However, his boil became infected. He was stubborn and kept saying he'd be fine and didn't need a doctor, but he eventually died of sepsis due to the infected ass boil. I'm now a widow.

I'm Aunt Angela. I never knew that I had a brother, Angelo, who had become a priest, but really wasn't a priest, but a But-ah man. I guess my brain shrank along with my head when I mistook the Ben Gay for the Preperation H and shrunk it to the size of a mushroom. I went the way of Pee Wee Bombazi and got thrown out in a suit case along with my beaver coat and a veal shank which never did taste right anyway.

You guys are hilarious! Especially R8 R10 and R13 !! 🤣🤣

I'm Coco, the gay maid. Those jealous bitches fired me after Dorothy joined the household because "we don't need another drag queen around here." I couldn't get work, and wound up on the streets of South Beach giving quickie blowjobs for dinner money.

I'm Max Weinstock, still involved with my brief wife Sophia, who steals her daughter's Dorothy's credit card so she can fly up to see me for special benefits. She still prays to St. Peter, reminding him that she just wants to get in good with him, not his job. The caterer at our wedding comes up to fix us special meals and we all have a good laugh about "Stretch", our nickname for Dorothy.

I love this thread!

I'M FREIDA CLAXTON , THE PERKY AUTISTIC ONE KILLED ME .

I'm Polly Holliday , compared to that pile of shit on my dressing room floor aka cunt BEA ARTHUR . Linda Lavin was a DREAM .

We are Bill Macy and Conrad Bain , those two old bitties won't even allow us to make CAMEOS.

I’m Toshiro Sophia romanced me while ‘The Girls’ were on vacation. Sophia gets left alone many many times. Do I get a phone call? No ! That bitch broke my heart!

I'm the extremely obvious full package that George's illegitimate son flaunted every time he walked through the front door. Those ladies noticed it too. That's how Blanche knew that he was George's son. Too bad that was his only appearance on the show.

We are the owners of THE RUSTY ANCHOR . That common slut BLANCHE came in here so much , we were shut down by the HEALTH DEPT . WE BECAME KNOWN AS HERPES HAVEN .

I'M BUSHMAN AWAITS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm Detective Al Mullins. After divorcing my raging lunatic of a first wife back in Indiana, I joined the Miami Police force. While on a stakeout for some jewel thieves, my partner and I holed up in the house next door. Four older, single women, Jesus. Two of them fought over me, and the "winner" rode my pole all night long. I wanted to pursue a further relationship with "Dottie" but she just tossed me out, something about how dangerous being a cop was or something. How many more chances did that broad think she was going to get? At her age and that pain in the ass mother of hers.

If I swung that way, I'd have gone for my partner, Bobby. Now there was a swell looking fellow. Wonder what ever happened to him?

I'm MARLO THOMAS , I SHOULD HAVE SUED THE PRODUCERS FOR WHAT THEY SAID ABOUT MY FATHER .

r55 I'm your brother, Marlo. You want to sue ME? He was my father too.

What did they say about Danny?

Danny Thomas is a lesbian

I made Blanche feel like a lady.

I'm Anderbeau Johnson. Thanks to these bitches, people constantly tease me and refer to me as Ander-bo-bo. And just for the record, Blanche lost Anderbeau and her beau!

I'm Bob Hope. The batshit crazy one thought of me as her father for years.

Rose even got embarrassed when Blanche asked her if she had ever seen her father naked.

She saw me in the theatres, on tv, on stage & in real life.

But never on an USO tour.

R56 , I'm R55.

What is the Danny Thomas comment? Did they make a dig about the glass table and Danny's poo-clivities on an episode?

I’m Stephanie, NOT “Steph.” That annoying roommate (not friend) moved out of our beachfront condo with no warning.

My other roommate that stewardess and and I were left liable for her share of the rent. I ended up dealing Valium to make up the difference but became addicted to it myself and eventually getting thrown out of the apt and had to turn tricks to make a living.

I’m Lamar Zbornak. My mom told me my father was some skinny white boy who abandoned us before my first birthday. I never met him or his racist mother or her roommates who went around in blackface :(

We're Rose's beach friends.

I'm Jim Shoo, lamb skin collector. Joe Mamma is a cousin of mine. We're hear today, gone tomorrow, and Rose never did meet me at Beni Hana's after class.

Actually R65, I’M Lamar Zbornak. Except I had to change my name to Roger when my racist grandmother Greta rejected me for looking too light-skinded and too much like my skinny ass white bit of a father. Greta and her sisters kicked my mama Lorraine and me out after my father abandoned us and I had been showing talent choreography which grandma Greta was NOT supportive of at all!!!

Mama was already long in the tooth and couldn’t get more singing jobs so I started turning tricks to pay kit rent.

Luckily what they say about black men in bed holds true for me even though I pass for white, so I make a good living as Roger the Rentboy but grandma Dorothy doesn’t know

We are the lost and abandoned children of Blanche, Rose and Dorothy. Lost in the Howling Nether of Existential Plot Inconsistencies.

We get mentioned in episodes and never appear, then erased from existence when other siblings DO appear.

I dated 2 of the 4 crazy bitches until they finally put me in the ground.

Sure I had plenty of women all over town before them but those 2 put the final nails in my coffin.

Blanche used a line on me that she would later use on her renters = "Eat dirt & die trash". So I did (on fast food from some crazy pedo named Mr. Ha Ha).

Their funeral appearance was pure garbage. Nothing that built me up. A black sheep crossdresser would've gotten a nicer one.

Hilarious

I'm Jasper DeKimmel. All three of those bitches wanted me to beard for them. As IF!

R72 I think you're confusing Jasper --- you will wast no more of time---deKimmel with Laszlo, the Hungarian sculptor slash homosexualist.

I'm Fernando the teddy bear that was SOOOO precious it drove Rose to assault a child, though I am never mentioned again.

I’m Dorothy and Stan’s 40 something daughter and the reason they had to get married. No one mentions me and I don’t even get a fucking Christmas card !

R73 Obviously you knew!

I'm Holly. Rose said we might be able to be friends in the future, but I would have to make the first move.

I gave up my job as a floutist and moved to Miami in Frieda Claxton's old house across the street, but after I had slept with Blanche's boyfriend those 4 whores ignored me and Blanche got me blackballed from the entire Miami dating scene for great-looking-gas in their 40s!

I'm Meg, the hooker from St. Gustaf. I met Rose when those geriatric bitches were arrested for prostitution. Rose convinced me to go back home and try again with my family. Of course once they found out what I'd been doing in Miami, they kicked me out onto the cold, winter streets. Fortunately I was able to hitch a ride with a trucker heading to Florida. Unfortunately his truck hit an icy patch and we skidded into a big tree and the truck exploded. I ended up in 1,000 charred pieces. I hate that old fat whore Rose!!!.

Hi Meg. I’m the black whore with the cool asymmetrical ‘do in the same cell as you.

That mannish friend of Rose made me lose face when she challenged me with her fake story about being in Sing Sing.

When I got convicted, all the other gals “inside” lost respect for me. I became so obese lesbo’s bitch and and had to eat her cunt every night. She was so fat I got a drug-resistant yeast infection and died.

Fucking bitch thought she was too good for me, so I ended up posing naked for Laszlo

I posed for Laszlo too.

Laszlo gave me his key.

Pedo alerts on R81 & R82.

I'm Pat (or am I Kathy?) I'm an image consultant who doesn't like labels.

I tried to ask Dorothy out but she told me it was "too soon" after Blanche dumping her.

I read about her marriage to Lucas Hollingsworth and was floored! I'm way more butch than he is!!! Wtf? How could she reject me like that?

I got so depressed that I killed myself.

That was a common thing: A heartwarming story and promise they'd "be there" with no follow-up.

I'm Enrique Mas. Rose did such a horrible job working for me that I got fired and was forced to take up boxing and the violin.

I'm Dr Jonathon Newman a distinguished physician who couldn't measure up to those broad's idea of a real man. Though I was never invited to dinner again that didn't stop Blanche from chowing down on my thick and meaty 12 incher on her late night "drives." What a whore!

Dot, Dot?

I'm Caroline, Miles' pretend daughter. I tried to get him to stop seeing that tramp Rose so he wouldn't blow his witness protection. Guess that slut can suck the chrome off a bumper because he refused to stop seeing her. Because of my failure the FBI had me "reassigned" and I was never heard from again. I hate that fat whore Rose!!!

OMG R89 I love that you just solved the GG continuity problem of Caroline!!!!! Kudos!!!

bump

I'm the bump on Rose's elbow that drew complaints and sympathy but more importantly was an excuse to weasel out of a blind date. I was never looked at or...brought up again.

I'm Yvonne.

R92 huh?

I’m Dom DeLuise!

. . .

Dom DeLuise!

Now I don't generally like to throw my name around but you really leave me no choice. It so happens that I am Miss Angie Dickinson!

Hi, I'm Mr. Peepers, the cat Rose gave away to secure a room at Blanche's home.

Little did that retarded bitch know, but the "sweet" little boy took me out to the parking lot, stuck a firecracker up my butt and set it off. Then the little shit set my tail on fire!

I was finally able to sink my razor sharp claws into his baby nuts and escape as I heard his wails of pain in the distance.

You know, there is a reason pet rescues ask a million questions and established a rather stringent background process....all because of twats like her.

I think I'll head on over to Richmond Street and shit on their front porch.

I’m Yvonne’s chiropractor. Those women’s failure to call for help when she got a Charlie horse at the gym did the opposite of ruin me. In fact, it helped pay for my son’s education at Harvard Business School.

I’ve also gotten a lot of complaints about a pediatrician who lives in their neighborhood and abandoned his hospital practice to work at a free clinic while seeming to make just as much if not more money. The complaints came directly from his daughter who swore me to secrecy...OOPS! Darn it, that’s the one part I always forget about: not telling confidential secrets from patients out loud. Good thing I never actually took the hippocratic oath.

I am Kenneth Wittingham, attorney at law turned circus clown. Or at least I was until the circus fired me for representing the other clowns against the ringmaster in a dispute over working conditions. Specifically, the fact that our clown car was a Yugo. Have you ever been stuck in an economy car with 17 other guys covered in greasepaint?

I’m the bookmobile. Rose rode me harder than she rode Miles.

I’m Rocco, Sophia’s ex-boyfriend. I’m doing hard time because that shyster Wittingham couldn’t get me off the hook for robbing a bank.

I’m Oliver, the boy who Roland used to take care of until those three old bats bought the Golden Palace and got me back together with my mother. The junkie bitch didn’t get halfway to Orlando before she relapsed. After she died of a heroin overdose, I ended up bouncing from foster home to foster home until I was 18. I joined the Army and died fighting the Taliban.

Me, I’m-a Gina. I was a-switched at birth and raised by poor farmer couple in Palermo. My real parents, they-a Sal and Sophia Petrillo. They live American dream in New York City raising their fake ogre daughter Dorothy. I had a one chance to live happy life with real mamma mia, and Sophia tampers with the hospital records from our-a blood test. I will die old maid in Sicily because of that awful strega and her daughter with the faccia brutta. I will never know love or companionship, except for my goat, Carmine.

I’m-a Sophia‘s-a first-a husband, Guido Spirelli. What-a make-a that-a smart-a-mouth-a bitch think-a she could just-a uppa and leave-a me for America? At least-a she was smart enough-a to get away from-a Benito you-know-who. If anyone asks, I no actually join Il Fascisti. I only follow-a orders. I was a PA on that-a game-a show he hosted. I shake-a my metal rod, I make-a the lightning go boom-a boom-a boom in the Lightning Round.

I'm Charlie Nylund. Rose fucked me to death and then sold the home we lived in and raised our children in to live with three other women. If I had lived a little longer, I could have made up for the mess I made of things financially.

I'm Big Daddy. My daughter Blanche talks a big stick about me but when I finally share MY hopes and dreams of being a Country and Western singer, to her she acts like a I wanna be a mass murderer or done about. Oh no, God forbid I should follow my heart! What a bitch!

I'm the ghost of Charlie. Rose is a stupid cunt! She ground me down until my heart just couldn't handle those damned batshit crazy stories anymore! For the love of St. Olaf, stop admiring her already!

-Charlie Nyland

I’m Mr. Terrific. After my ex-girlfriend got a job in the television industry, she pulled some strings and they canceled my show yet again. At least this time, I got severance pay. I’m going to reboot myself on Public Access TV. I’ll now be on Channel 83 at 7:00 AM, directly up against [italic]Wake Up, Miami[/italic].

Oh, and by the way, Laszlo didn’t give his key to either of those teenage boys. He couldn’t possibly have. He gave it to me. I needed the money since it’s helping me get my show back.

I’m Nurse Defarge. After Sophia went back to Shady Pines and got some changes made, they hired me back with a 50% salary increase. Except now they could no longer afford to bribe health inspectors and social workers to look the other way, forcing them to actually make those changes stick. It was still too little, too late, and they went bankrupt the day after Sophia died.

R103 is a HOOT! 🤣🤣

I’m Rose’s daughter Kirsten. As if it wasn’t bad enough that she lied about my father’s ability to make ends meet all those years, I was on the hook for paying for her open-heart surgery. It’s the only reason she wasn’t arrested for impersonating a Korean woman. Just for that, I had to stop dying my hair, and little Charlie had to get a job to pay for her college education. Except she majored in women’s studies, dyed her hair blue, cut it short, and brought home a girlfriend named Hortense. I didn’t think there were any women born after WWI named Hortense.

I’m the guy who pushed the plunger that destroyed Blanche’s grandma’s house. Way to make me feel guilty on my birthday. You could have had some cake, except you didn’t ask and I ended up eating 3/4ths of it anyway. My doctor says I’m already pre-diabetic, but he just gave me a pill he says he used to give to Elvis to control his appetite.

I'm Dom DeLuise. I was at a cast party of the Burt Reynolds Dinner Theater that was crashed by a crazy old Sicilian bitch. She got wild-assed drunk and shoved her hand down Jerry Reed's jeans and up Loni Anderson's dress. Burt finally got her to leave by promising to take her to lunch the next day.

Hi, it’s me, Stan. What does it say about me that I was never a success until after Dorothy and I got a divorce, and what does it say about you? Frankly, even your sister Gloria was a better lay. I should have married her, then maybe she wouldn’t have gone broke, I would never have wasted my time with Chrissy and that other broad I married and dumped, and I wouldn’t have needed to fake my death to keep what is rightfully mine, and I would be able to see our children again without fear of extradition. If it wasn’t for your mother, I would be in federal prison. I am the American Dream. I worked my ass off for years just so you and the kids could have food on the table, and I went from being homeless to being the king of baked potato openers. And for that, Uncle Sam thinks he can keep hounding me for more and more money? At least on the uncharted desert isle I’m living on, I can keep what is mine, and the natives worship me like a god-king.

At least I could come to terms with being bald. Could Donald Trump do that? Could Ted Danson? Could William Shatner?

I’m Dirk. How come Laszlo didn’t ask me to pose for him? I’m pretty sure I’m his type even if he’s not exactly mine. And if he’s so gay, then what’s he doing making sculptures of naked old ladies?

I'm Kate, still miserable in my marriage to my cheating husband, Dennis. My parents' marriage really ruined my self-esteem.

However, I'm reading about Melissa Benoist on the DataLounge and am getting up the courage to leave him.

Wonder what your poker buddies will think when they read my Twitter rant about you begging me to peg you, Dennis? Huh?!

I'm Shelley Long. I *wasn't* really tired of playing in "Cheers."

I am Miss Angie Dickinson. Both Blanche AND that cunt at R96 stole my identity.

I’m Patrick Vaughn. Your breaking character to expose my philandering ways led to a shake-up at the theater company and another People magazine cover ... about a paternity lawsuit from Phyllis Hammerow. She was that desperate to get on my show. Except that when I suggested her to the casting director, her audition was a disastrous fiasco. I warned her not to do a scene from [italic]The Diary of Anne Frank[/italic]. They wouldn’t even take her as an extra!

I’m the grocery store clerk who got fired for putting the aluminum foil next to the fabric softener sheets. They were the ones causing a scene, yet I was the one who lost my job for something that had nothing to do with their stupid, petty argument that they had no business airing out in front of other customers.

I got another job as a fry cook at Mr. Ha Ha’s Hot Dog Hacienda. If a Ha Ha Dog is only $1.79 without a beverage, then how many did he have to sell before he bought a new BMW even though I can barely make ends meet working full-time? And now I heard on the news about rumors of a stock market crash. There hasn’t been one since that Zbornak woman was little.

We're the needy sexy people bereft of the lingerie that Sister Blanche and Sister Rose were supposed to be collecting for us.

I'm Ed, the stage manager.

Patrick Vaughn really did fuck me up the ass.

I'm the gay director of [italic]The Sound of Music[/italic] hired after the Patrick Vaughn scandal and the parallel scandal over Mrs. Devereaux's dalliances with my predecessor. Had I known at the time that her brother Clayton was and is a practicing homosexual, I still would not have cast her as Maria or even the Baroness, who, unlike in the movie, actually sings in the play and is a soprano at that. There is just nobody in any part of Miami who would believe her as a novice nun, not even at the home for the mentally disabled where they keep her other brother Tad. But I could easily see her as Mame or her roommate Dorothy as Vera Charles. Anybody but that insufferable Phyllis HAMmerow. Porky Pig was less of a ham.

Oh, and Coco and I dated for about six months before we decided to see other people. My current boyfriend is named Van, for what it's worth.

I'm Charles Nelson Reilly, and I'm offended that nobody got all excited over my appearance at the Burt Reynolds Dinner Theater. I will later be on an episode of the rival show "Designing Women" as myself and will guest star as the holiday hating figurine shop on "The Five Mrs. Buchannan's" written by "Golden Girls" writer Marc Cherry as compensation for the grave insult done to my sex appeal and masculinity.

[quote] I'm Shelley Long. I *wasn't* really tired of playing in "Cheers."

I’m the other fake Italian on an NBC sitcom from the 1980s. It was the rest of us who were tired of you and your condescending smarter-than-thou attitude that almost got this show cancelled in the first place, jeopardizing the existence of every other subsequent NBC sitcom, including but not limited to this one. The old lady was right. The ratings confirm it if we got another six years without you.

I’m Alvin Newcastle’s daughter. I had to take a leave of absence from my law practice to take care of my father until he died peacefully in his sleep. Luckily, my new legal intern Marguerite was able to keep things in line during that time. But that painted rock didn’t do shit for my father’s Alzheimers, and neither did any of those “magic” herbs that were $1.99 in the spice section of the grocery store.