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I'm a gay man who prefers effeminate men, so stop with the effeminate shaming

I want an outgoing effeminate man. I'm very shy and I think this type of man is what I need in a boyfriend as a contrast and to help break me out of my shell a bit. (I'm not really masculine tho)

I'm also extremely sexually attracted to effeminate guys. I love their voices and moans. I'm vers but not gonna lie I fetishise them when I think about topping. I fantasize about giving them love and hearing them moan like a bitch. (Sorry for getting vulgar, lol)

I hate the masculine worship and demeaning of effeminate guys. It's so gross.

by Anonymousreply 182March 26, 2021 10:58 AM

MARY!

by Anonymousreply 1November 1, 2019 2:53 PM

I would never date one, but they make easy bottoms sometimes when you just want to get off (particularly bj) though sometimes they are off-putting.

But like what you like, I don't care, but just shut up about it.

by Anonymousreply 2November 1, 2019 2:58 PM

Well hon, I’m sure there’s no shortage out there. Why did you feel the need to come here and state your boundaries?

by Anonymousreply 3November 1, 2019 2:58 PM

Nice try pro trans troll

No one likes a man that acts like a woman

You are an abomination

by Anonymousreply 4November 1, 2019 3:00 PM

Just be the change you want to see and lead by example. Preaching and ordering around never yields the desired results.

You like what you like, others like what they like.

by Anonymousreply 5November 1, 2019 3:05 PM

r3

Because I'm tired of the effeminate bashing on this forum, and elsewhere. It's disgusting especially coming from the gay community.

by Anonymousreply 6November 1, 2019 3:06 PM

I hear you, and I support you. Plus extrovert femme gay guys are extremely fun and vibrant to hang out with, even just to gossip with and to run around and do stuff with.

But this is probably not the forum to share your particular brand of attraction. Don't anticipate getting much validation on this site. It's pretty beefy around these parts.

Have fun!

by Anonymousreply 7November 1, 2019 3:06 PM

So why not just hook up with a flat chested girl and only bonk her in the ass?

by Anonymousreply 8November 1, 2019 3:11 PM

R8 So, you're saying effeminate men are basically just girls. That has to one of the stupidest things I've seen posted on DL.

by Anonymousreply 9November 1, 2019 3:15 PM

"No one likes a man that acts like a woman" So, R4, then what are the men who aren't macho supposed to do? Speak with a fake deep voice and try to effect a swagger when they walk? That sounds like living in the closet.

by Anonymousreply 10November 1, 2019 3:24 PM

The appeal of effeminate men is that they are men who are effeminate, r8, you little hillbilly.

by Anonymousreply 11November 1, 2019 3:25 PM

R4, speak for yourself, and r10, don’t live your life adapting to other people’s opinions... if you want an easier life that is.

by Anonymousreply 12November 1, 2019 3:26 PM

R11 you keep telling your self that

Effeminate men are definitely a specialty item.

by Anonymousreply 13November 1, 2019 3:27 PM

I'm effeminate and tend to be fetishized by old men which really pisses me off. I'm in my early 30s, I'd like someone my own age but they're never interested!

by Anonymousreply 14November 1, 2019 3:38 PM

Then act like a man r14

by Anonymousreply 15November 1, 2019 3:39 PM

R15 = a bullying dad from the 1950s.

by Anonymousreply 16November 1, 2019 3:41 PM

I like a man who is confident enough in his own skin that he can occasionally act like a nelly queen, but at the end of the day is just a regular guy.

by Anonymousreply 17November 1, 2019 3:54 PM

OP, I'm free this weekend!

by Anonymousreply 18November 1, 2019 3:57 PM

I mean... good for you? We’re not going to stop making fun of people we find aggravatingly annoying just because you want to fuck them, though, that wouldn’t be fair. But I say power to you and I wish you luck on finding an effeminate and outgoing hubby, regardless of how we’ll make fun of you both once your backs are turned.

by Anonymousreply 19November 1, 2019 4:03 PM

R9 I agree with you. Gay men are gay because we are only attracted to masculine men NOT girls.

by Anonymousreply 20November 1, 2019 4:05 PM

Girleen

by Anonymousreply 21November 1, 2019 4:06 PM

[quote] so stop with the effeminate shaming

Don't tell me what to do.

by Anonymousreply 22November 1, 2019 4:09 PM

I don't make fun of people I find aggravatingly annoying but I tend to ignore them. You don't have to be cruel to people you don't like or talk about them behind their backs, but nobody should be forced to associate with people they basically have nothing in common with. I remember going to Mickey's in West Hollywood in the late 1990's and after 9:00, the nellie Asian invasion would come in. The gaggle of giggling girls became too annoying so we would move at that point to Trunks or the Mother Lode where we could have fun without the squealing. Now I see that with Latino's in some gay establishments. I like masculine Asian and Latino and black men who are just guys who happen to like guys, and would rather date them rather than a yapping chihuahua.

by Anonymousreply 23November 1, 2019 4:10 PM

This guy is clearly a troll, nobody in their right mind would tell the DL to stop making fun of people. It’s like going into hell and telling Satan to stop torturing souls.

by Anonymousreply 24November 1, 2019 4:11 PM

Some effeminate men make me run the other way. Others make me run right to them.

When everything aligns, they are fun to fuck!!!!!

by Anonymousreply 25November 1, 2019 4:11 PM

#TrollPost

#DLersTakingBaitAsAlways

by Anonymousreply 26November 1, 2019 4:11 PM

People hate in others what they hate in themselves. Gay guys who hate femme queens hate their own femme qualities. What are you going to do other than do your best to ignore the display of mental illness?

Similarly, I'm fed up with the fat shaming on this site. It's cruel and destructive to create and post in threads about people like Chrissy Metz when the intent is merely to savagely attack and dehumanize her. Do a search for her name if you want to see how dark and twisted Datalounge can get.

OP, enjoy what you enjoy and learn to use the "Ignore" button on Datalounge since you'll never stop the people on this site from hating on other people just for being themselves.

by Anonymousreply 27November 1, 2019 4:14 PM

R27 types fat.

by Anonymousreply 28November 1, 2019 4:17 PM

R27 is totally right on. Fat people are disgusting and universally hated and should be gassed. Metz is as big as a fucking planet and no doubt has her own gravitational field.

by Anonymousreply 29November 1, 2019 4:18 PM

Some men outgrow their femininity as they get older and more immersed in a certain type of social setting. Some moderately feminine men who aren't too flamboyant, only moderately catty (usually more self deprecating than insulting towards others) and self assured can be fun, but if you open your mouth and spit glitter, it will be natural for others to run away. Those who are extremely demanding of attention are too high maintenance even as friends. How can you expect them to be good lovers? There are too many people in sub groups of larger groups calling for it to be considered a hate crime to not date or sleep with them, and I cringe at the thought of even being approached by someone like that. If a guy who happened to be effeminate approached me and was somewhat interesting, not obnoxious in their manner and as sensitive about other's feelings as they are about their own, I'd consider dating them. But overly emotional, finger pointing, bitchy and judgmental gay men of any kind are energy stealing, and eventually, they just become too much to be around, even for a second.

by Anonymousreply 30November 1, 2019 4:22 PM

OP, thoughts on these two? which would you date?

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 31November 1, 2019 4:31 PM

There are thousands of femmy unfuckables, take your pick OP.

by Anonymousreply 32November 1, 2019 4:46 PM

r31

Ottavio for sure, but highly doubt he would be into me.

by Anonymousreply 33November 1, 2019 4:57 PM

Ottavio is over the top

by Anonymousreply 34November 1, 2019 4:59 PM

r37

Before the transition, I mean.

by Anonymousreply 35November 1, 2019 5:05 PM

I worked with a very femme French straight guy, his wife looks like a 14 year old boy. He was tall, lean and geeky... but I know he was packing a big one and would’ve done him in a heartbeat.

by Anonymousreply 36November 1, 2019 5:05 PM

*r33

Dumb autocorrect

by Anonymousreply 37November 1, 2019 5:05 PM

You are very desperate r36

by Anonymousreply 38November 1, 2019 5:06 PM

I really don't care, but have you told your family about this, OP?

by Anonymousreply 39November 1, 2019 5:09 PM

r37

I'm actually still closeted and a virgin, battling severe social anxiety and depression.

by Anonymousreply 40November 1, 2019 5:11 PM

This is the kind of thread that really shows just how dreadful and self-loathing most of the people here really are.

by Anonymousreply 41November 1, 2019 5:11 PM

Wrong R41. That is the femmy response to us loathing femmies. We are not self loathing when we loathe you.

by Anonymousreply 42November 1, 2019 5:14 PM

I don't know why dumb autocorrect keeps forcing r37. Ugh!

by Anonymousreply 43November 1, 2019 5:14 PM

If you like femme guys, thats your latent heterosexual trait rearing up. Stop fighting it and just go straight. And to the gay PC police, fuck off. You know damn well you are the first to question a guys hetero card when they date a masc girl.

by Anonymousreply 44November 1, 2019 5:16 PM

My long-term boyfriend is rather effeminate (outwardly), but he's also very strong and tough when necessary. He's tougher than I am, and he's sweet as can be. I don't want anyone else.

by Anonymousreply 45November 1, 2019 5:17 PM

I don't find effeminate men attractive in the slightest. But that's no one's business but mine. Like who you want to like, but don't hypocritically try and shame people who don't share your tastes OP.

You go fuck hairdressers and I'l go fuck marines. Deal?

by Anonymousreply 46November 1, 2019 5:18 PM

I can dig many softer qualities in a man many would deem feminine. It by no means makes them women, girls, or queens. I like artsy-types, love long hair on many men, appreciate sensitive hearts, and have always had a soft spot for musicians of all sorts. Vey often I find very butch blokes attractive physically, but often wish they were "less tough" emotionally. From a psychological POV, the most well adjusted individuals have an equal balance of what some may correctly or incorrectly describe as masculine and feminine traits or interests. I think many people confuse "prissy", "bitchy", and "high maintenance" with feminine.

by Anonymousreply 47November 1, 2019 5:21 PM

r6

A hairdresser is actually my ideal lol. I want a guy who will cut my hair for free in private with no judgment, snf tresting me good because that's a huge area where I'm struggling. I have issues lol

by Anonymousreply 48November 1, 2019 5:25 PM

Fuck my typing is a mess today lol

by Anonymousreply 49November 1, 2019 5:27 PM

R36 again. The French straight guy definitely sized me up my first day at work. I also met a married gym buddy of his that looked like he sucked a dick or two. I don’t think fem/masc is so clear cut in our society as it was before.

It’s funny because we’re both hairdressers and most people think I look like a surly cop until I open my mouth and purses fall out, lol

by Anonymousreply 50November 1, 2019 5:33 PM

I don't know. As a bisexual guy, I find effeminate men an utter waste. Why would I fuck a boy who acts like a girl when I can just fuck a girl? The girl at least comes with the advantage of two holes, an effeminate man is basically a deformed girl as far as my dick is concerned.

by Anonymousreply 51November 1, 2019 5:38 PM

Where is that recent video where a cross section of gay guys almost all unanimously wanted to date more masc types?

by Anonymousreply 52November 1, 2019 5:40 PM

r51

As a gay vers guy I like ass and dick. And despite the stereotype, many effeminate guys aren't total bottoms who don't want their dicks pleasured.

by Anonymousreply 53November 1, 2019 5:44 PM

What constitutes being effeminate? Is it intertwined with a kind of personality trait as well, because many of you are bitching about the catty nature these guys have, which I'll admit I find annoying too. If a man has a femme voice though and there are no other indicators of being a typical femme guy I wouldn't immediately steer away. Sounds like some of you are just REALLY hateful. The majority of femme guys I know are nothing like women except for their mannerisms and speech pattern, not something one can easily control nor should they try to! MOST gay men have a feminine quality to them, even if you can't put a finger on it.

by Anonymousreply 54November 1, 2019 5:44 PM

"No one likes a man that acts like a woman".

Troll, can you give your definition "acts like a woman" vs "acts like a man".

And what is this shit about "no one likes"? You don't represent the entire population. It is possible to state your preference without needlessly insulting other people.

by Anonymousreply 55November 1, 2019 5:45 PM

Well said R54. I do believe part of the problem may be semantics, as we all are probably conjuring up different visions of what feminine or effeminate is. I think there lies a continuum, and some traits or interests are perfectly fine. This isn't a black or white concept. I find many of the ones I've fancied over the years often have a boy-ish innocence and androgynous aspect to their natures, and a subtle sweetness one finds in good women. They don't all necessarily look like drag queens, or some other negative stereotype. I especially like an unfussy sort in general, and admire a combination of a gentle soul, not necessarily macho, but possessing secondary sex charachteristics like body hair, beards or scruff, but not all buff or butch. So many cool combinations exist in real authentic people. They're usually more confident in being themselves, and with that confidence comes attractiveness.

by Anonymousreply 56November 1, 2019 5:55 PM

I should also add some of the sexiest, most aggressive flirts I've met in fifty-one years have been a bit more on the feminine side. Very confident, and quite strong willed natures/energies. The bisexual blokes I like tend to be this way as well.

by Anonymousreply 57November 1, 2019 5:59 PM

Lol. Why do I get the feeling the guys claiming to be attracted to effeminate types are actually just femme guys whose feelings are hurt from this thread?

by Anonymousreply 58November 1, 2019 5:59 PM

R56 Fuck u. In your case it is cunt-inuum. You are either feminine or masculine. There is no 50 shades of gay.

by Anonymousreply 59November 1, 2019 6:00 PM

DL is so clueless about gender, it's sad

by Anonymousreply 60November 1, 2019 6:03 PM

I see the tranny brigade has arrived at R60

by Anonymousreply 61November 1, 2019 6:09 PM

R59 You sound as if you have problems with your own identity to be so triggered. (and uncivil) There very much are plenty of people not at each end of the spectrum; to deny this is completely ridiculous.

Some people (men and women) have an appearance of masculine or feminine, but their interests and personality traits can be quite the opposite. Not every man or woman presenting as "butch", for example, is to the same degree. I cannot even address your obtuse comment "there is no fifty shades of gay", other than there is a zillion shades of gay, and a bazillion different ways to be either masculine or feminine. I'm sad for you how stunted and anti-intellectual you sound.

Shalom

by Anonymousreply 62November 1, 2019 6:10 PM

R56 You've explained so eloquently something I couldn't, thanks! I think we often confuse a boyish nature with acting fem. There can be a difference.

R58 What we describe as effeminate in North America is common place behavior for men in Europe and nobody blinks an eye at it. I think the problem is men in America are deeply insecure about their masculinity, probably because the idea of sexual orientation and gender roles is so rigid over there, but that is another story. I'm looking at this from a very "humanist" perspective.

by Anonymousreply 63November 1, 2019 6:22 PM

R62 OMFG. SJW cunt, get lost! There are also only two genders. Male or female. There are no bazillion genders in your ridiculous nomenclature. Only a seriously mentally ill or psychotic would think such things.

by Anonymousreply 64November 1, 2019 6:27 PM

Effeminate guys are cute but some act bitchy out of a self defense mechanism,it's not easy getting judged and bullied. I still find them hot.

by Anonymousreply 65November 1, 2019 6:36 PM

R64 Learn to troll better.

by Anonymousreply 66November 1, 2019 6:51 PM

Cheers R63. Once again, hugely agree with an American concept of what masculinity embodies. I'm British, but played Rugby, I work out, but I also wear my hair longer, and don't quite fit into a tidy tiny box myself. I would like to add that the real opposite of masculine or butch, or macho isn't necessarily what most Americans believe to be true.

by Anonymousreply 67November 1, 2019 6:57 PM

Narcissists in general are very boring, and judgmental people even more so. I like regular guys either as friends, tricks or boyfriends. I've had flings where we looked at each other the next time and laughed and basically just realized that we had more in common as buddies. The generic gay stereotype is either nellie queen or gym butch, while a good 75% of gay men just fall into the middle and look like they could be your banker, your grocer, your mail man, your neighbor you wave to across the driveway. I don't mind someone who is a little caustic here and there (if it is clever) but can sit with you calmly and tell you their problems which don't dominate the whole evening. When it comes to gay men, less is more irregardless if its less masculinity and less feminine qualities. Even flamboyant butch can get on your nerves after a while. It's like seeing a bulldog wearing a tiara.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 68November 1, 2019 7:00 PM

R64 Masculinity and femininity are qualities or attributes, NOT genders. There are but two genders, male and female. There are varying degrees of these traits in ALL genders. Sadly your intelligence level is too low for me to continue to object to your nonsense.

by Anonymousreply 69November 1, 2019 7:03 PM

Femme men often are common sluts and/or court jesters.

by Anonymousreply 70November 1, 2019 7:03 PM

It remains to be said, that men who are threatened by femininity, embodied in either male or female bodies are not real men who are comfortable in their own masculinity. I believe these types are wearing a mask or cloak of what they wrongly perceive as masculine. These prescribed sex mores and stereotyped notions of what is masculine or feminine causes them deep angst, which they are unable to realise, admit, or articulate. Men who are fully developed and self- actualised are comfortable in their own sexuality and masculinity, and don't go around telling everybody how they should be, look, or act. I hope R64 gets the help he so desperately needs to figure all this out for himself. More than likely he probably finds fault with women also, either traditionally feminine types, or masculine types. He probably thinks feminism is a plague upon the earth as well.

by Anonymousreply 71November 1, 2019 7:15 PM

The thing is so many femmy men are utterly fake. The whole gay-accent and black-girl-sassiness is ridiculous and unattractive. A little gay sensibility is nice, but I'm not dating an out of makeup drag queen.

by Anonymousreply 72November 1, 2019 7:23 PM

They bitch when you don't treat them like girls, holding open doors and pulling out chairs. They are as delusional as the gender trenders.

by Anonymousreply 73November 1, 2019 7:27 PM

WTF is a gender trender R73? I'd simply suggest you treat all your dates (masc or femme) kindly, and with respect. No need to believe you ought to treat them as girls.

by Anonymousreply 74November 1, 2019 7:41 PM

R71 I love femininity in girls. It makes sense on them both for my brain and my dick. On men it's just a carnival show. I almost want to ask where their fathers were when things went so horribly wrong?

by Anonymousreply 75November 1, 2019 7:43 PM

Real men, especially masculine men stick up for and protect the weak, and that often includes bullied feminine men, or extremely feminine or frail women. They champion the innocent and the underdogs. They can often express great sympathy and compassion through their bravery and strong natures. I'm seeing none of these aspects in many of the "pro-masc" posters/trolls.

by Anonymousreply 76November 1, 2019 7:49 PM

R75 Again, there are varying degrees. Most aren't specific here with their objections. In all senses, and comments here, I'm not referring to some extreme stereotype. There are more than just two models of males available.

by Anonymousreply 77November 1, 2019 7:52 PM

R74 and R76 Is holding out for a hero (til the morning light)

by Anonymousreply 78November 1, 2019 8:14 PM

R78 I'm my own hero, and step up for others when I can. Therein lies the difference between us.

by Anonymousreply 79November 1, 2019 8:47 PM

As those cute Trump girls sang, "Deal from strength or get crushed every time."

by Anonymousreply 80November 1, 2019 8:52 PM

OP I'm the same, love guys that are a bit fem. Am masc myself, not generally that into other really masc guys

R31 I would do both of them, they're both cute AF

R54, R56 are on the money

by Anonymousreply 81November 1, 2019 9:52 PM

I have no problem with effeminate gay men in general. It's the overly dramatic loudmouthed fem queens that find my last nerve and get on it. I've known many wonderful gay men who were effeminate but quiet and unassuming and they've all been great friends.

by Anonymousreply 82November 1, 2019 9:54 PM

I read this as “I’m a gay man who prefers effeminate soap, so stop with the effeminate shaming” and I was so fucking confused.

by Anonymousreply 83November 1, 2019 10:09 PM

R76 STFU, frau. You would never know what a "real man" is for. No one intelligent will get killed fighting everyone else's battles. A "real man" minds his own business and never interferes with other's battles. You are full of shit, lady.

by Anonymousreply 84November 1, 2019 10:12 PM

Stealth anti-Gay Voice/Gay Face thread

by Anonymousreply 85November 1, 2019 10:36 PM

R84 You're going to resort to that tired trope? I'm a frau now? No, sorry just because I can dig blokes with some femme traits/attributes doesn't make me female or lesbian. Proud owner of a nice three piece set here. You're welcome to your own sexual tastes, but you should not berate other gay men here, simply because their tastes or predilections run opposite to yours.

You're the unrelenting, unpleasant, and unhinged sort of bully who I would suggest we take our differences outside, if you ever said this shit to my face. But of course, IRL, one good luck at me, even in a dimly lit room, you'd realise I can kick your friggin arse into next week... so you wouldn't try any of this crap in person. You're just a twisted little tosser, aren't you now?

by Anonymousreply 86November 2, 2019 2:39 AM

R86 whateves frau. You type like a cunt. So odds are yous a cunt.

by Anonymousreply 87November 2, 2019 2:43 AM

R87 Why you so triggered by what sort of bloke I care to fuck, You are incredibly insecure, and that is completely not masculine to me.

In R84 you completely out yourself as a huge coward too, by your own apt description of what you wrongly think a real "smart" man is like. Grow up, get some help, and grow a bloody pair of your own. You're going to cheese off the wrong sort in person some day soon, and that lucky bloke is going to do to you what I sadly cannot through this forum. Yeah, I'm a cunt alright.... a massive cunt to all who visciously bait me and repeatedly cross me. Don't fuck with Ruggers, you'll only end up hurt.

by Anonymousreply 88November 2, 2019 2:54 AM

I'm R45 above. My boyfriend and I are both in our 50s. He's rather short and slim, and dresses impeccably. He's not 'flamboyant', but he's obviously gay. His degree is in social work, and his clients are adults with developmental disabilities. He's very protective of his clients, but he's been mortified when one of them shit in his car, or another one ended up with bedbugs. But he still took responsibility to work to resolve he problems (and he faces a lot of problems). He's been devastated when some of his older clients have died. When my parents died a couple of months apart), he was right there in the first pew, next to my brother and sister, and was my greatest support. He's very gentle, with everyone, but he has an inner core of great strength that I rely on, even though I'm bigger and taller.

by Anonymousreply 89November 2, 2019 4:11 AM

R89 He sounds like a gentleman indeed. (and a keeper)

by Anonymousreply 90November 2, 2019 4:19 AM

R45 sounds like my partner - very much a keeper indeed!

by Anonymousreply 91November 2, 2019 4:26 AM

R14 [quote]I'm effeminate and tend to be fetishized by old men which really pisses me off. I'm in my early 30s, I'd like someone my own age but they're never interested!

It isnt so much that older men fetishize fem guys, but that older men are more likely to be secure enough in themselves and self confident enough to be open about liking fem guys, something that comes with maturity. I suspect a lot of guys your own age may be interested but arent secure enough in masculinity to own that and act on it except maybe on the down low

by Anonymousreply 92November 2, 2019 9:16 AM

OP, are you the one that got hit by his celebrity commercial actor husband in another thread??

by Anonymousreply 93November 2, 2019 11:40 AM

R88 get off the site fraucunt. We know who you are.

by Anonymousreply 94November 2, 2019 12:19 PM

Thanks, R92, I hadn't thought of it like that. Fingers crossed I find a nice guy. (He can be effeminate, I don't judge!)

I don't think effeminacy should ever equal weakness. I may be effeminate but I own my own school, have a team of teachers and support staff working for me and I'm doing all that while recovering from life-saving surgery. I feel pretty strong, to be honest; I don't consider my sexuality or personality to be any kind of weakness.

by Anonymousreply 95November 2, 2019 3:31 PM

R95 you sound like one hell of a catch - and you own your own [italic]school[/italic] - damn, thats seriously impressive for anyone, but especially at your age. And you are right that anyone that confuses effeminacy for weakness is going to get one hell of a nasty surprise one day, my partner is gentle and soft spoken normally but get him on the warpath he is terrifying to behold

by Anonymousreply 96November 3, 2019 5:06 AM

I fuck women and I fuck men. I'll be damned if I'm going to stick it to a manly woman or a to a womanly man. I like my girls soft sweet and feminine. I like my men to be goddamn men.

by Anonymousreply 97November 3, 2019 5:42 AM

Tell us more, R97. Do you like catsup on your eggs?

by Anonymousreply 98November 3, 2019 5:46 AM

R97 Cringe.

by Anonymousreply 99November 3, 2019 6:10 AM

R99 is evidently either a 12 year old girl or an effeminate man.

by Anonymousreply 100November 3, 2019 6:33 AM

R98 No because I'm a grown man, dear sad little fairy.

by Anonymousreply 101November 3, 2019 6:37 AM

[R101] That's Mr. Fairy to you!

by Anonymousreply 102November 3, 2019 1:40 PM

Op is right. There's more fag bashing on this site than anywhere on the internet.

by Anonymousreply 103November 3, 2019 1:41 PM

It seems like some people want to set up a hierarch within the gay community in which "masc" gay men (who "pass") are more attractive/valuable than those gay men who are more easily identified by strangers as gay due to feminine mannerisms or characteristics. It's a waste of time because the deplorables hate us all, no matter how "masc" you think you are. Effeminate men are your ally; so stop attacking them. Save your energy for the real enemy.

by Anonymousreply 104November 3, 2019 1:50 PM

You know who else loves effeminate men?

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 105November 3, 2019 2:05 PM

This is different ! This is us laughing at ourselves, that's allowed. We're all in the same sexual orientation genetic molecule club together. Some of us just one or two over expressed gestures away from coming to terms with our own effeminate reality!

by Anonymousreply 106November 3, 2019 2:20 PM

Half breed. that’s all I ever heard. Half breed. She’s no good they warned. Half breed. Both sides against me since the day I was born.

by Anonymousreply 107November 3, 2019 2:36 PM

R104 everything you say is bullshit, lady. Since I was a young gayling that came out in 1989, I have never known any other gay guys who like or tolerate queens, fairies, lisping, weak wristed flamboyant nellies. Those types are pariahs who no one needs or wants to be around. Maybe only others like them. So gay guys loathe them as much as everybody else.

by Anonymousreply 108November 3, 2019 2:37 PM

R108, see R103.

It's sort of like black communities who think lighter skin blacks are superior.

by Anonymousreply 109November 3, 2019 3:08 PM

It's nothing like that R109. We aren't saying we are superior. We are saying nothing kills our boners faster than a delicate mincing man. We want to fuck men, not girls with cocks.

by Anonymousreply 110November 3, 2019 4:15 PM

R110 true. It is not a racial issue. Anyone who acts like a screaming nelly queen will be hated, rejected by most people gay or straight.

by Anonymousreply 111November 3, 2019 4:20 PM

I’m not annoyed by femme guys but I am annoyed by femme guys and femme guy fuckers who complain about everybody passing them up or ignoring them. Be true to yourself, but don’t scream at the world when you find out that your true self isn’t attractive to 95% of others.

by Anonymousreply 112November 3, 2019 4:32 PM

Guys who fetishize straight men tend to be bottoms

by Anonymousreply 113November 3, 2019 4:36 PM

R109, R108 is simply a troll who also happens to be a self-loathing bisexual. I stopped engaging with it a while back. I usually defend bisexuals here on DL, but crikey if this one seems to be worthy of all the animosity the bisexual haters spew.

He obviously has too many issues for us to take to task here. BTW, very much agree with you on the hierarchy or pecking order comment. Sad, really. Other cultures are similar with colour as well. In many Japanese families it is thought almost shameful if someone is from mixed ancestry, and they seem to prize the lighter skinned members of society too. Speaking from experience, sadly some Jews are like this as well, taking pride by saying odd comments like "no one in my family is dark..."

by Anonymousreply 114November 3, 2019 4:37 PM

Please don't make fun of me but I think Chris Colfer is HOT !!!

by Anonymousreply 115November 3, 2019 4:55 PM

R115 Oh I think so too. What was that Glee ep when Chris wore those tight silver pants. He was hot! Great legs. I find him cute too.

by Anonymousreply 116November 3, 2019 5:35 PM

Everyone has their preferences, and they probably differ from yours. I'm masculine by any standard but can get a hard-on for masculine or more effeminate or neutral guys. I love strong, swarthy and hirsute types but would fuck Roy ("Bianca del Rio") Haylock's lights out in a heartbeat. It doesn't make sense to be such bitchy assholes about this issue when most of you are bitter and terminally alone anyway.

by Anonymousreply 117November 3, 2019 7:02 PM

Chris Colfer is a cunt. Met him at an engagement party where he held court in the corner as if he was an actual star. I think they regretted invited him because he wasn't at the wedding.

by Anonymousreply 118November 3, 2019 8:32 PM

If you're effeminate or like effeminate men? Great, you do you. Sure, lots of other guys have to work through some of their issues in this regard.

The one thing that annoys me however? When masculine-presenting gay men, or those who like them, are condemned as 'self-hating' or 'in denial' or 'putting on an act' because they are not effeminate. Like the only legitimate way to be yourself or to be happy or proud of being gay is to be a flaming queen. Like, tolerance and respect for diversity should go both ways, y'know?

by Anonymousreply 119November 4, 2019 2:09 AM

"Like the only legitimate way to be yourself or to be happy or proud of being gay is to be a flaming queen."

That argument is moot. Only revolting screaming queens would think that. It is absurd.

by Anonymousreply 120November 4, 2019 2:19 AM

It might be absurd, but you hear it everywhere, along with 'it was the screaming queens who fought for gay liberation' (nobody else was involved)

by Anonymousreply 121November 4, 2019 3:19 AM

R119 Is that really a "thing" large numbers of butch, passable, gay men suffer? Never really heard anyone lament such a position IRL.

Most new introductions assume I'm straight. Strangers as well, I should think... I've never suffered any repercussions in fifty-one years. My deepest sympathies go out to any marginalised burly men though. Many of us just ordinarily have lots of straight mates.

by Anonymousreply 122November 4, 2019 3:24 AM

Effeminate men led the gay liberation movement. Respect that and ACKNOWLEDGE it.

by Anonymousreply 123November 4, 2019 3:25 AM

The OP should move to Tulsa...

Oh Oklahomos where the wind come skipping down the plaons

by Anonymousreply 124November 4, 2019 3:29 AM

The excessive visibility of femme men is the reason gay rights took so long. Nobody, including gay men and women wanted to imagine a world filled with mincers. It's the same thing with these trannies. Nobody gives a shit about girls taking testosterone to grow beards and dicks. Its these other ones that society is holding a middle finger to.

by Anonymousreply 125November 4, 2019 3:35 AM

R123 I agree. The whole concept of fighting for gay rights or women's rights in 2019 is egregiously stupid and pointless. There was shit to fight in 1970 but wtf are these screaming gay queens and fake feminists bitching about in 2019. The last "Pride" parade I went to was in 1998. I have had zero interest in it since then. There is also zero point or need for the fake female empowerment and fake feminist crap Holywood and Media are pushing. It is all nonsense. Good points to bring up R123 Bravo.

by Anonymousreply 126November 4, 2019 3:37 AM

Well, R122, apart from R123 above, this kind of attitude is *everywhere* amongst the professional gay commentariat. For example, the piece linked below. here's a representative section:

"Studies have shown that most gay men didn’t conform to traditional gender roles growing up, whether it was due to appearance, behavior, or both. Many times, this caused them to be ridiculed, bullied, and loners. It makes sense then that more than half of these same men, however, de-feminize and become more traditionally masculine after their adolescence. Along with the trauma of bullying, a shame of one’s own personal qualities can linger. Even around people who are nicer, it can be frustrating when things are assumed about you and your personality, all because of stereotypes based on one aspect of your identity- being gay. With these shared experiences, it seems logical to think that gay men would fight for their femme gay siblings, who couldn’t or didn’t want to de-feminize. Yet, the very opposite seems to emerge from this instead."

"In de-feminizing, these men must make a conscious consistent effort to be aware of the way they perform their gender, and their possible “shortcomings” in achieving masculinity. They may become a gym rat, or diet often, or even start paying extra attention to what they say and how they say it, lowering their voice and talking only about their acceptable “masculine” interests, such as football. They must craft this performance and practice it until it becomes habit. And with practice, comes reinforcements and rewards. They are rewarded with safety and the ability to be closeted at work or respected without any assumptions, and gain the ideal sex appeal. But the reinforcements are heavy, bringing a newfound aversion to effeminacy and discomfort when they see other gay men embracing their femininity, everything they once were and hated for. They bury themselves in internalized homophobia and spew heteronormativity."

The above is pretty much received wisdom amongst any gay man who is activist, political, or writes for a publication.

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by Anonymousreply 127November 4, 2019 3:45 AM

NB R122, I'm not saying that masc gay men are marginalised or more marginalised than femme gay men in society *as a whole*, that'd be dumb (except for the ways in which all gay men are marginalised).

by Anonymousreply 128November 4, 2019 3:48 AM

R127 so you are basically saying: Every fag is an actress. Every gay men is a complete fraud and a phony. Everything they do is an act to be rewarded by society not bullying or killing them for the inner flaming queen or faggot who lies beneath their facade. Haha. Girlfriend, you are one deranged cookie. Most people just live their lives and do not have the need for such obsequiousness or subterfuge. I reject everything you say, lady.

by Anonymousreply 129November 4, 2019 4:01 AM

Theres nothing more homophobic and misogynist than effeminacy. It's like they are so determined to model hetero relationships they start mimicking women. Notice they never date each other either. That would be too same sex for them.

by Anonymousreply 130November 4, 2019 4:06 AM

"so you are basically saying: Every fag is an actress. Every gay men is a complete fraud and a phony. Everything they do is an act to be rewarded by society not bullying or killing them for the inner flaming queen or faggot who lies beneath their facade."

Mate.... no. That was a long quote from an article I posted as an example of a point of view I disagree with. You fucking crayon muncher.

by Anonymousreply 131November 4, 2019 4:09 AM

R131 you need to get the fuck off here with your deranged ideas, lady. We don't want what you're selling, mister sister.

by Anonymousreply 132November 4, 2019 4:13 AM

R132: Not sure if troll.... or just retarded. But I'm leaning towards option 2

by Anonymousreply 133November 4, 2019 4:16 AM

R133 did you think that one up yourself or did your 5 year old sister come up with that one? Wait, even 5 year olds are not that stupid, moron.

by Anonymousreply 134November 4, 2019 4:19 AM

R127 That's an interesting take, and no, perhaps I'm a trifle naïve, but I had no clue gay activists were fighting for this recognition, or believing this was so common. I think every post I've made here, I'm referring to self-actualised men who are not wearing masks, or editing their personalities for anything femme, or effete. These sad sacks sound painfully self-conscious.

One point I've reiterated several times throughout this confounded thread, is that there exists traits or qualities some -correctly or incorrectly- defined by society and especially North American culture as feminine in many men... i.e. in my case, I love to cook, have an appreciation for art, historic architecture, I like antiques... those can be quite stereotypically gay or femme, but I'm in a masculine body, with some brutish aspects to my nature. I ski, camp, backpack, etc Wide variety of interests here. I've never been "de-feminised"... In fact I go out of my way to look nice, file my nails, wear deo/cologne, etc.

Those blokes in the article, seem the polar opposite of a Jungian authentic person. I'm not doubting they exist, (probably not that prevalent today) but still think overtly femme gays suffer more... in more tangible physical ways too, might I add. Look at the comments here against them.

by Anonymousreply 135November 4, 2019 4:28 AM

R128 That we're in agreement 100%.

by Anonymousreply 136November 4, 2019 4:39 AM

How are they suffering here? Because people don't want to fuck them? Anyone take away a tangible right from them?

by Anonymousreply 137November 4, 2019 4:41 AM

R131 You provide some nice and much needed comic relief here... Cracking me up with "fucking crayon muncher"! (Yes, it's a troll... and the lil tosser is keen on calling everyone he beefs with "lady" as if that's the worst thing anyone has been called)

by Anonymousreply 138November 4, 2019 4:44 AM

R138 Fuck you, lady. That is the worst insult you can call anyone.

by Anonymousreply 139November 4, 2019 4:45 AM

R135 You never have to make excuses for yourself to anyone IRL, certainly not the mentally ill fucks here on DL. Anyone who quotes "studies" or articles from the media have zero credibility and should be laughed at for the deranged morons they are.

by Anonymousreply 140November 4, 2019 4:49 AM

"I'm not really masculine tho"

That's why you force yourself into liking fem men because masc bros won't be interested in you.

#masc4masc

by Anonymousreply 141November 4, 2019 5:11 AM

Has anyone on Datalounge ever been criticized for being too masculine?

by Anonymousreply 142November 4, 2019 6:33 AM

This entire thread is one long fart.

by Anonymousreply 143November 4, 2019 7:09 AM

This stupid troll thread made me think of this episode of Springer.

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by Anonymousreply 144November 4, 2019 7:30 AM

I know it's a troll, but I love how OP "hates the masculine worship and demeaning of effeminate guys," but doesn't mind denigrating women ("squeal like a bitch"). Thanks for the clarification, OP. You can go to hell now.

by Anonymousreply 145November 4, 2019 7:48 AM

....

by Anonymousreply 146November 4, 2019 7:49 AM

I love my nelly, fem, sissy brosters, all of them. Usually they are very sweet and caring and fun. Like who you like, OP. I support you.

by Anonymousreply 147November 4, 2019 9:29 AM

Is R147 Lizzo? Slay boys are confused boys and definitely not my fave boys.

by Anonymousreply 148November 4, 2019 12:31 PM

Oh boy!

by Anonymousreply 149November 4, 2019 3:41 PM

Shut up, OP. No one cares.

by Anonymousreply 150November 4, 2019 3:48 PM

R150 certain threads like this attract the most deranged morons spouting their ridiculous ideas.

by Anonymousreply 151November 4, 2019 5:25 PM

R143 You would think Springer would have had more of a budget to hire better actors.

by Anonymousreply 152November 5, 2019 1:45 AM

There is disgusting homophobia in this thread. If you are a masc gay man, congratulations. But there's no need to insult those who aren't as masc as you. I can't believe people on a gay men's discussion board are using anti-gay slurs to describe fellow men who are less masculine. And someone above is implying that effeminate men "choose" to act more effeminate? That's bullshit. Think back to elementary school. There were boys who were already more effeminate before anyone knew what it meant. It wasn't a choice. If Richard Simmons started smoking to lower his voice, would he "pass"? He was born that way. And that's fine. Just like you were born the way you are. (Funnily, many trumpsters would argue that you "chose" to be gay. They don't give you extra points for being "masc".)

by Anonymousreply 153November 5, 2019 3:37 PM

The lesbian at R153 is triggered. She spoke her boundaries.

by Anonymousreply 154November 5, 2019 5:25 PM

I hear you, OP. I sort of feel the same way. I worship at the (high) heels of femme, extroverted men. I guess the only difference is between us that I'm a masculine bottom.

by Anonymousreply 155November 5, 2019 5:43 PM

Come sit by me, R155.

by Anonymousreply 156November 5, 2019 6:00 PM

R156 it literally would be a vegetable going up his asspussy. That is fucking funny.

by Anonymousreply 157November 5, 2019 8:20 PM

[quote]Come sit by me, [R155].

Anything you say daddy. 😉

by Anonymousreply 158November 5, 2019 8:32 PM

It wouls seem R154 needs someone to help him alleviate some prostate pressure, as the prostatic fluid is building up in his brain stem. Any volunteers?

by Anonymousreply 159November 5, 2019 8:38 PM

r159 We have a volunteer

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by Anonymousreply 160November 5, 2019 8:44 PM

R159 isn't there a lesbian site you can infest?

by Anonymousreply 161November 5, 2019 8:50 PM

R161 Your disdain for, and open aggression against lesbians isn't welcome here. You bandy about the word, just like "lady" as insults here, when we do have long term lesbian posters here.

R161 Go find a masc-bisexual site you can infect. You're hostile and freakshow, you obviously don't belong here. Are you the same "allegedly" masc bro who is keen on typing "Whateves", and yous a fraucunt" Yeah, like all my straight mates speak like you! You just sound like such a masculine dreamboat!

More than likely you're an incel type, who only turned toward some bisexual options because no real woman would ever fuck you. I'd love to throw you a really rough hatefuck if you're open to making amends, and willing to take your licks. You DO NOT get lube though.

by Anonymousreply 162November 7, 2019 1:08 AM

For OP = "Shake it off wimp!"

by Anonymousreply 163November 7, 2019 8:22 AM

R162 Fuck u. Only an Incel calls others Incels.

by Anonymousreply 164November 7, 2019 3:18 PM

This thread got me taking an inventory of all the classically defined effeminate friends I have. Turns out I actually have a lot. Most of them are well regarded and established ATL citizens. Back in the early 90's they were gay community movers and shakers. It would never occur to any of them that their lives have actually been mitigated and shattered by a mannerism label that the entire world detests. I'm certainly not going to tell them they are not allowed to be loved or happy or well adjusted. Best they don't know at this point!

by Anonymousreply 165November 8, 2019 10:37 PM

there's a lid for every pot

by Anonymousreply 166November 8, 2019 10:41 PM

The only people I see shaming effeminate men are other effeminate men and some straight men.

What happens is that most gay men like masculinity and don't care about effeminacy because we like men and effeminacy is a feminine trait.

This huge problem would end if fem gays dated each other, but they rarely do. They want the masculine types and when they are rejected they write screeds online and play the victim card.

No one owes anyone affection, get real.

by Anonymousreply 167November 9, 2019 7:29 PM

Man, I feel like a woman.

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by Anonymousreply 168November 10, 2019 3:52 AM

Aren't you astonished sometimes by what passes for 'masculine' in the gay community, OP? The standards are so low.

by Anonymousreply 169November 10, 2019 6:48 AM

R74, r79 good boy, thank you.

by Anonymousreply 170November 10, 2019 8:30 AM

I do love a sissy bottom bouncing up and down on my cock. Mm-mm-good!

by Anonymousreply 171November 10, 2019 12:06 PM

I find the OP very sweet and he is not wrong at all.

by Anonymousreply 172November 13, 2019 1:58 AM

I like effeminate guys if they are just naturally being themselves and accepting their feminine energy but it's not trashy camp or over the top queeniness just for the sake of being an "always on" loud queen. That type can be fun but not FB or BF material, for me.

I dated this super gentle, slightly fem artsy boy from VT. His mannerisms were slightly girly and his voice was a bit lispy. He was lean and physically unimposing. However, get him naked and his feminine features were totally counterbalanced by his super sexy natural masculinity. Nice fat cock, big swinging balls, an amazing downy blond/red bush that grew as you followed his trail up his belly culminating in a full thick chest pelt. But the best of all was when I bent him over to reveal a tight pink hole swarthed in strawberry blond nest of silky fur. Damn.

10/10 Would bang fem boy again. Often.

by Anonymousreply 173November 13, 2019 2:20 AM

Go OP bang a girly man. Take one for the team.

by Anonymousreply 174November 15, 2019 7:55 PM

Bump

by Anonymousreply 175October 27, 2020 6:44 PM

Pathetic R175

by Anonymousreply 176October 27, 2020 6:49 PM

[quote] Lizzo? Slay boys are confused boys and definitely not my fave boys.

Sounds like r148 is confused.

by Anonymousreply 177March 4, 2021 4:53 PM

Honey, you got problems.

by Anonymousreply 178March 4, 2021 4:58 PM

I’m an effeminate gay man who prefers gay men to prefer me. There! I said it!

by Anonymousreply 179March 4, 2021 5:05 PM

Y'all is in luck R179

by Anonymousreply 180March 4, 2021 5:07 PM

Bump

by Anonymousreply 181March 21, 2021 3:29 PM

Oppression

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by Anonymousreply 182March 26, 2021 10:58 AM
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