Men over 40 Living Home with their Mothers

do they run a motel?

If this is true... RUN! Don’t look back.

Free housekeeping, laundry and meal preparation services.

Anything else, OP?

[quote]Free housekeeping, laundry and meal preparation services.

I'd add money, co-dependence, and guilt.

Maybe he is taking care of his mom OP. Does she suffer from a chronic illness that requires a full time caretaker?

Surely he offered some explanation of this, OP. And if he didn't then why don't you just ask him? Asking him would get you a much better answer than you'll get on this site.

I live with my mom but only because I have to, I'm her only child and when I was a teenager she decided to buy a house on the outskirts of town along a highway so not exactly somewhere an elderly woman should be living alone(who may be in the early stages of Alzheimer's but refuses to see a doctor to find out!) but the old nutjob won't move so I'm stuck here.

I was thinking the same as R5. If he is in his 40s, his mom is likely at least in her 60s. She may need care.

At best they’re a lecherous mooch, at worst they’re a full blown Ed Gein psychopath. Either way, run for the hills until they move out.

R5 His mother is a sane, healthy 74, but from what I can see, somewhat possessive. So to answer your question, he is not her caregiver.

Somewhat possessive? 🤔

In some cultures, one of the sons will stick around. Don't make a big deal out of it. He sounds stable and fuckable. How picky can you be?

Knew a guy like this. The ex-Army struck a bell. He had PTSD like you wouldn't believe. as I soon found out. His mother was the only one who could deal with it. Great in bed, but I ran for my life.

He is most likely doing it to save money. If he’s been careful with his money, and you said he has a good profession, here probably been able to save at least 25k a year on top of his 403k or other company-sponsored retirement plan. Maybe he wants to be able to retire in his early 50s and just travel. Who knows? But I do know people like him, they’re not uncommon here in California.

If the mother is possessive, OP, I'd not waste any more time.

Is his mother Italian? If so, that's why.

Dime a dozen. Possessive mother who has convinced gay son that she needs him there to help her in old age - even if she is physically capable. I was there for many years. It is not an easy situation to navigate. I don’t think rejecting the mother is the easy answer. She might die next year. And a lot of people think it is noble to care for the mother - which is what this is. Even if you don’t think 70s is old, most would think it is.

He could be a real keeper. But he needs to spend nights with you.

Only in America is this seen as some sort of fault. Matter of course in many other cultures where they ,you know , love and revere their parents.

OP, don’t listen to people who automatically jump to conclusions and nail this guy as off/ odd just because he lives with mom. My mom died 13 years ago and if she was alive now I’d consider living with her. I’d enjoy her company plus live in a nice house without paying rent or mortgage, all I’d have to contribute are household expenses and food. Not to mention home-cooed meals and shitloads of money I’d be saving every month.

Ask him and he would tell you. He’s likely in a great financial situation if he’s been able to save money while living with mom. I know it’s hard for many DLers to believe but many of us love and enjoy our relationships with our mothers.

r9 True! You can only trust single men who live on their own.

OP I am R5

If his mom is possessive as you mentioned, you need to have a talk with him. See, from your description he seems like a good guy who has his shit together, it's just the stuff with his mom that is odd. You need to make sure it's not because of some codependency on his part - because if it is so, RUN. If he is doing it because he wants to save up or because he thinks she is too old to be living alone - that is fine. Just make sure you set some ground rules and the mom doesn't interfere in whatever the two of you pursue. Communicating with him about this is the logical way to go. Good luck.

He has a job, which is a good sign. The worst ones are the little old boys who are in co-dependent relationships and don’t work. Sometimes there are problems that aren’t apparent, though. I had an uncle who the family guilted into moving home with grandma because she was an alcoholic and had to be minded. He was there out of obligation.

I was in my 40's when my father died, and as I was having a hard time at that point and realized that she would need someone help her deal with the physical mess of properties he left behind, I went back to help her through the winter. I shoveled, I painted (in preparation for her to sell their house), I got rid of a ton of trash he left behind, and when the snow thawed, I told her lovingly that I needed to go back to New York and continue my life. It was a great three months, but never meant to be a permanent arrangement. She understood, and we both went on with our lives. Had I remained any longer, I would have been very unhappy. Still, I have no regrets. The situation with anybody who stays living with their mother past a certain age if they are not in need of constant care is a sensitive one. I dated a few men who were caretakers, but obviously, their social time was limited so I didn't continue to see them after I realized it wasn't going to go anywhere.

R16 He's Dominican, not Italian, and the mamas boys in the Hispanic culture would make an Italian mother look neglectful. She's also married, by the way, with her second husband. So she doesn't need a caregiver or companionship.

OP, did he recently retire from active duty? If he enlisted early and just retired, he has most likely never lived in one area long enough to make purchasing his own home worthwhile when the military provides adequate housing, when he wasn't on a field of conflict.

Also, if he spent a significant number of years abroad and in dangerous situations, as many young people in our armed forces have done, then I feel it would be understandable for his mother's possessiveness (to a point) and for him to want to spend quality time with her, as he must likely missed many years of it.

In addition, it would be financially wasteful (IMO) for him to purchase a second home or even rent since they (apparently) get along, are enjoying their time together and he will most likely inherit the home after she eventually dies.

Unless you run into any new 'red flags' or the mother seems like she is going to be a deal breaker, I think you should give G.I.Joe a chance.

Have you seen them interact, OP?

After they let their initial ‘for company’ guard down, how do they relate to each other?

Like a married couple?

Like a boy and his mommy?

Or like two independently-thinking self-possessed adults?

[quote]Should I be concerned?

Nah, but you should expect some awkward moments involving sloppy sex and dropped plates of cookies.

Lots of unmarried (or divorced) straight men either stay home with mama or return home to mama once they're on their own again. It's because they can't handle a life where they have to take care of themselves. They have to always have a woman around to maintain a home for them. They're incapable of it on their own,. They believe their lives should be lived in comfort. They hate cleaning, washing clothes, washing dishes and most anything they consider remotely domestic. They're men/boys and will be that way until they draw their last breaths. And they're that way because their mamas raised them to be man/boys who would always be dependent upon them in some way. If they can keep them at home or get them back home once their wives get fed up and leave, all the better.

It’ll be like living with Big and Little Edie from Grey Gardens.

Dominican!!!! How big is his big cock?

oh my. The mother is married?

Then he’s a mooch, a dullard or, as someone mentioned above, he may have PTSD.

This happens quite a lot with children who grow up in a single-parent family with a mother who has psychiatric problems. They grow up believing their needs don’t matter and their main function in life is to care for their parent.

When I lived in a somewhat rural area for a few years for work I was astonished at how many men I met who were like this. Lived in Mama's house and essentially were taking care of her until she died.

On the one hand, kinda sweet because it shows dedication and concern - and commitment. But on the other hand, it almost guaranteed a very bitter 50something man who, after Mama died, would be resentful that he didn't get to whore around in his younger days, and is now ignored by the twinks he wants to chase after.

^take care of

Eldergay here. R14 that would be the best case scenario and not very likely. Perhaps, a guy in their 20s, but not 40s. 40s becomes a red flag if there isn't a caregiver need or Aging Parent Syndrome. I'd first rule out any kind of financial ruin, substance abuse problems, previous marriage to a frau, unacknowledged children, child support, PTSD as one said, criminal background, and any unknown sexual proclivity or fetish. And of course, tiny meat. Is he gay or bi? Does his mother know his deal? Is no one good enough for him in her eyes? Or is he a plain sociopath? Narcissistic, borderline, bipolar, schizo? One of my close friends briefly dated a guy that age who seemed like a catch. Initially. He, too, lived him with home. Turns out he had Asperger's. Very bright, held a job, but as he would reveal, an emotional adolescent. Incapable of a relationship with anyone except his mother. So do your research. Good luck.

Lived at home with his mother [sic]

If she’s married to second husband then it’s likely he just lives there as a roommate. Run of the house and doesn’t have to spend a lot of time with mom as she has life of her own.

I may have skimmed too quickly. But it does seem like DL waited until post 30 for the shamelessly sexual post.

I've dated my share of Hispanic men (Puerto Rican & Mexican), and if mama likes you, all is good. But if she is convinced that you are out to take her precious baby boy away from her, she will fight tooth and nail to keep you apart. I had a good circumstance with my Puerto Rican boyfriend's mother(s), one his natural mother and the other his step-mother. (The two ironically were friendly with each other.) One was more fragile than the other, and the other was a gracious hostess who would cook up a storm just to impress me. He rented from his stepmother so it wasn't like he lived with her, but it was the same complex, so he would do things for her. but he also had his own life away from the confines of a possessive family. Every situation is different, and when I realized in another circumstance that mama wasn't going to accept me even though I was doing very well financially and treated her son like a prince, I just left it in my boyfriend's hands. I was single again very quickly.

I have a friend who's about to turn 50 - he doesn't live WITH his mama but he may as well.

Won't do a thing without checking to see if Mama or his sisters need him.

And yes, Italian.

And wonders why he can't find a lasting relationship with a man. Who wants to be maybe 10th on the priority list after mama, sisters and sisters' kids?

I had a date scheduled with someone I had just met, and he was very, very late. I did not want to call him to check on him just in case he was stuck in traffic. He called me from an amusement park, telling me that his mother demanded that he take his niece and nephew there for the day, even though he had plans. I told him that I understood and promptly tore up his number. Not going to mess with someone who breaks a date two hours afterwards simply because mama told him he had to.

Always beware of an Italian guy with sisters. He might as well have a vagina.

R26 They have a very close relationship. He's always checking in with her, texting frequently. She has a Facebook page (he doesn't, btw) and she's always putting up pix of, I'll call him Jose, and how she hopes he finds love and happiness. Of course, there are more than 200 likes from her frau friends, and how they all know girls to set him up with, or would welcome a date. I find it strange that she doesn't respond truthfully. She knows his deal. She seems to like me, but there's an undercurrent. And no, we haven't yet crossed the line. Nothing farther than making out. He is a great kisser and hot as fuck. I'd almost love to post a picture of him. But I'm apprehensive, and that's why I'm reaching out.

Still waiting on cock details.

R 44 Take it easy, lusty. She and Jose haven't yet crossed the line.

I have old friends from Roselle Park, NJ. Both Italian/American boys, now in their 60's. They both stayed home until they got married. Then guess where they both moved. One bought the house right next door to mama, and the other bought a hose 2 doors down. The one who moved 2 doors down stayed there for 35 years until his mother died then he and the wife moved to the Jersey shore. The other one is still in the house next door to his parent's house even though they're now dead and gone.

She is married!?!? That is a pretty critical piece of the story OP. TOTALLY different scenario. Only reason is he can’t afford his own place - especially if it’s NYC.

OP, he's Dominican, you said. May I ask, are you Caucasian? Because that might present a problem as well. You might the gringo to Mamacita, and no matter what you do to please him and her, it isn't going to be enough. R39 I think we lived a very similar life. I dated a Mexican guy for about a year who lived home with mama. He was the love of my life, and I felt he cared about me the same way. However, Mamacita did not approve. She was widowed early, raised four kids on her own, and ruled the roost. This manipulative bitch did everything she could to bust up the relationship, when we were starting to talk marriage and relocating to the East Coast for work opportunities. We're both from California. There was nothing I wouldn't have done for him, and would have been willing to coexist with Senora Bates if he would have stuck by my side. So I asked him to make the decision. Mama or me. I've been single for the last 3 years. Cuidado, OP.

My gay uncle and my widowed grandmother chose to live together from the time she was 50 until she died at around the age of 80. He moved her from the family home my grandfather built (my other uncle bought it from her) into his beautifully restored brownstone in Baltimore. His friends loved her and her friends loved him. They threw fabulous parties together and enjoyed each other's company. My uncle's boyfriend lived with them as well. The place was huge so they never got in each other's way. She did the shopping, cooking and laundry (because she enjoyed it and liked to stay busy) and he paid all the bills. Not everyone who lives with their mother is an automatic weirdo.

R49 In other words, not everybody is Clifton and Mabelle Webb.

"A boy's best friend is his mother..."

[R49] That sounds ideal to me. I would love to live in a big house with family that enjoys each other and divides the responsibilities.

I moved back home after my father passed because my mother has never lived alone and was so SHOCKINGLY dependent on my father that she didn't even know how to pay the bills. It actually feels like we're roommates--in a sense. If that's an issue with someone I'm dating...don't know what to tell them. I live in a paid-for house. I contribute with the utilities etc. Can come and go as I please etc.

Thanks R52, it really was ideal. They are both gone now, but I still look back so fondly and miss our holiday celebrations in that glorious house.

OP, I could understand him living with the mother if she was widowed. But the second husband sounds strange to me. It suggests financial problems, or some kind of shade. Investigate before you copulate.

[quote]He is most likely doing it to save money.

I would hardly say this is “most likely,” but even if it is true, a man in his 40s living with his mother “to save money” is an enormous red flag. Even if he’s squirreling away thousands in cash yearly from the savings he’s reaped by not being an independent adult with a fully realized life of his own, he’s clearly cheap in the extreme and not likely to share his wealth or shower a boyfriend with material gifts or an extravagant lifestyle. This is the type of tightwad who eats dinner at 4pm to get the early bird special and argues over coupon expiration dates with a wage slave.

R8 Because most women in their 60s need care???. No, it's because men who live with their mother's over the age of 25 are losers.

R56 So agree. Somebody by their 40s should have their shit together and value their autonomy and independence. That's part of being a mature adult, and I very crucial attribute to look for in a prospective partner. The mother probably married her second husband for financial reasons and keeps the son around as a diversion to an unhappy marriage. He benefits, because he's basically lazy and enjoys having everything done for him and navigating transient relationships in which he can have fun without making a commitment.

I have a good friend who makes a good salary ($150K a year) and who lives with his mother. She's elderly, her husband is dead, and she has no other children to take care of her. She also has an amputated foot, and she needs some day-to-day help he can provide.

I would never judge him for living with his mom like the "winner" at r57 would.

I dated a guy who fell on hard times after the crash of 2008. We had broken up a little before that but we remained friends. He wanted to move back in with his Jewish mama and she refused to have it. She said something to the effect of: "If you have to come running home to me everytime you fail, all you'll ever do is fail. No way." She helped him out financially but would not have him back in the house.

Hopefully, he's not clipping coupons and being extra-cheap.

The detail about Mom being married to 2nd husband should have been in the OP.

I met a guy who lived at home in his 30s. He claimed to be self employed, but his ‘job’ was selling junk on EBay. He was constantly broke. He couldn’t cope with the real world and would blame everyone else for everything. He was a total man baby.

Run like your pubic hair is on fire. You'll only know heartache, regret and disappointment if you don't.

I lived at home, because my Mom had emphysema, and my Dad had Alzheiimer's, and she couldn't manage things on her own. She was terrified that I was going to move out. I got home from work one day, and Mom was lying in bed, dead, and Dad was still in bed, waiting for her to get up and fix breakfast. I called my boyfriend and asked that he pick up some food and come over to feed my Dad and watch him, while I called 911. My Dad ended up dying 6 weeks later. I bought the house from his estate, and still live here. My BF knows I'm a kind, decent man, and never judged me. Either you can handle tough family situations, or you can't. Just make up your mind.

[quote] No, it's because men who live with their mother's over the age of 25 are losers.

Surely they are no more losers than people who don't know how to use apostrophes correctly.

It's called co-dependence. The adult child is used to being indulged and cared for by the parent and becomes very comfortable living like that. And the parent likes it like that, likes having their child never leave them and never achieve independence. It's a sick situation.

I'd never become involved with an adult still living with their parent. I wouldn't care what the situation was. It's usually due to co-dependence, but even if it's because of illness or poor health I still wouldn't do it. Either way, it's a very unhealthy situation. Being in a relationship with someone like that would definitely not be a wise thing to do.

I know a dozen guys in their 50s, who have really big cocks, who will not fuck older than 29, and preferably 20ish.

It’s pretty clear that this isn’t a caregiver situation since the OP says mom is healthy, sane, and married with a live-in 2nd husband. Can all the child-martyrs give it a rest with the caregiver sob stories? We want to judge OP’s loser bf in peace.

What the hell does that have to do with this thread?! Do they live home with mom when they bring tinky winky home?

OP Different to your culture doesn't always imply unhealthy or bad. It's more important whether Momma likes you though, to be sure. If you desire to have him move in with you, that may pose a problem as well down the line. If everything else is good, I certainly wouldn't go looking for trouble. Treat his mum at least as good as you would your own.

R68 OP stepping in, and I want to emphasize again, he is not the caregiver child. All these responses have me thinking. Mother and son seem to behave like best friends. But sometimes I wonder. They take walks on the beach, they go shopping. She picks out outfits for him. She buys him all different types of colognes. She's paid for two major vacations since I've known him. One to Germany, the other to Hawaii. It was her, the second husband, and him. I'm taking it slow, because I really want be sure nothing strange is going on. My best friend told me to check him out on TruthFinder or PeopleSearch.

Is he a sex god like Reynaldo De León?

Hopefully, Mama doesn't have a case on her progeny. Then you're in for some real fun, OP.

Whatever you do, make sure you insert yourself firmly between the two and let both of them know that you're not going anywhere.

I once met such a guy at a bathhouse. He was middle aged and said he mom had no idea he was gay was was spending his time in a bath house

Op could have bern describing me at 42. I’ll tell you why I stayed. I stayed because when I was 11 my beautiful, fun and funny, affectionate mother who gave me unconditional love left me and became a sad, unhappy bitter woman after her brother died. I stayed around, suffering the most awful emotional abuse because I hoped if I was patient and waited, my old mother, my real mother would come back to me, and I didn’t want to miss it.

OP, have you thought about just asking the guy? We can speculate all we want here, but boyfriend has the reason.

[quote]From your experiences, why would a guy still be living with his mother at 42.

He’s fucking her, or he wants to fuck her. Either way, I’d pass.

Men from “Romance” cultures all have unnaturally close relationships with their mothers. Avoid.

How long was he in the military? Why wasn't he promoted beyond the rank of Private? Was he honorably discharged? If not, why?

I've been told by 2 people whose relatives were in the military that some of those folks didn't know how to run their own lives after discharge because they were so used to being told what to do. First their parents directed them, then their officers did, so they never learned how to be independent and make their own decisions and look after themselves. Obviously not everyone, but I can see how that could happen to a naturally dependent type of personality.

And if OP's boyfriend is Dominican, he's probably Catholic -- maybe expecting God and the Pope to guide him through life too.

Never date a man who lives at home or plays with Barbie dolls.

OP, I'm going to go back to something you wrote. If a man is 42, single and pushing that he was a private in the army - something you'd typically do between 17 and 21 - he's a loser, a dope, a schmuck. Really. Go listen to Springsteen's "Glory Days". This poundwad's best days were when he was a slicksleeve goofball sharing a room with 5 other guys and getting screamed at 12 hours a day.

Look, I did a bunch of years in the military and when I'm around the military, that's one thing. But civilians don't give a shit what you did 20 years ago in the army as the lowest of the low, and that's a private.

I posted upthread already. I may have sounded defensive, but when I was in the middle of trying to cope with a very sad family situation, I'd meet gay guys who would quickly announce, "pass", when I hadn't made any overtures to them. I already had (have) a boyfriend, to whom I'm completely faithful. We have both had multiple apartments: he's now on his second house. I moved back in with my parents after experiencing a home invasion in my apartment downtown: I needed to move quickly. When my parents were younger and healthier, my Dad would even drop me off at my boyfriend's apartment (back when I didn't own my own car). I think we had a perfectly healthy relationship: they certainly were okay with me being gay, and having a boyfriend. But people get old, and old people can become very needy. I was a good son, and I'm still a good partner to my boyfriend, who is now facing his own family health issues. He's asked me to pitch in to help out with his Mom and sister, and I'll do it gladly. It's part of being an adult. After 35 years, he's as much a part of my family as he could ever be.

If the old hag can’t fend for herself, send her to a nursing home!

Anyone who is good to their mother will be good to their spouse. Is this an old saying? If not, I’m making it a saying.

Christmas Moose is great to his mother, and he’s a sweetheart.

I would be MUCH more concerned about a 42 year-old marketing himself as an ex-army private than I would be about him living with his mom. What’s he been doing for the last 20 years? Was in in the service recently? As a private? Find out if he was honorably discharged.

People can have setbacks, often their own fault. It’s not necessarily a dealbreaker. It happens. But 20 years of nothing?

Sometimes, an accident can be an unhappy son’s best friend.

Italians?

No, R88 Dominican Republicans. Jesus.

It’s a cicilian order of hirsute nuns.

OP here. He's Dominican, I'm Italian. He was in the army after 9/11 and was stationed in Afghanistan. He's been out since about 2003-2004, and he doesn't "market" himself as military. He was in one career that didn't quite pan out, and he went back to school for something else. He's now a licensed professional and has a good job. I really feel I'm falling in love with him, yet I feel the mother is keeping him from taking the step somehow. It's just a vibe I get, even though she's been nice to me.

Let me share an old philosophy with you, love. When you marry a man, you also marry his family. Beware of dog.

Have you noticed, OP, if mamacita seems to be doing everything for him? Have you watched him do his own laundry, fold clothes, iron clothes? Has he cooked for you, or has mama made the meals? How does he keep his room, and he does he help with the cleaning and maintenance? How does he leave the bathroom after he's used it? Does he make his bed? That's always been a dealmaker for me! A guy who leaves his bed unmade ain't gonna value anyone who makes a guest appearance in it!

93 posts and you still haven’t told us how big his dick is.

How can we possible give advice if we don’t know the most important thing?

Nobody wants to date someone with a 40 year old umbilical cord.

I’m OK with all of that. I just want to use him for sex

Get sex pix and tell him you are going to show his mama if he gets out of line.

[quote]OP here. He's Dominican, I'm Italian. He was in the army after 9/11 and was stationed in Afghanistan. He's been out since about 2003-2004, and he doesn't "market" himself as military. He was in one career that didn't quite pan out, and he went back to school for something else. He's now a licensed professional and has a good job. I really feel I'm falling in love with him, yet I feel the mother is keeping him from taking the step somehow. It's just a vibe I get, even though she's been nice to me.

How Dominican? Like first generation over in the mainland US or?

Do some reading on Dominican culture, OP.

This isn't that unusual.

Dominicans have stanksleeves. Let him stay with mamma.

Agree with R94. If the dick is good and you’re getting it on the regular - clearly at your apartment - why give up a good thing. Latin papis can be spoiled and egocentric - but the dick is so damn good,

[quote] I really feel I'm falling in love with him, yet I feel the mother is keeping him from taking the step somehow. It's just a vibe I get, even though she's been nice to me.

Then just move forward with the relationship. What is there to lose? It's not like OP is saying prospective man is an alcoholic, borrowing money from OP, sociopathic, etc. Love is so hard to find. Why not let yourself experience this?

Pete Davidson lives with his mom. That's enough for me to haul ass.

I just hope you honor his culture. It wouldn’t hurt to wear a dashiki shirt.

She lives with HIM R102. Not the same.

From what you posted at R71 OP? I think you already know this ain't a good sitrep. She's buying him shit like clothes and cologne? I mean...that's kinda weird. You already feel like she's a problem. There seems to be red flags ALL OVER the place here.

OP is he of Jewish or Italian background?

EX Army is the worrying bit. DO they have a big back yard?

Is he Italian or Jewish?

The most hilarious part of this thread is the millennial claiming a woman in her 60s “might need home care.” Maybe if OP forgot to mention she’s a paraplegic? I know I’m outing myself as an elder gay but 60s is not that old, Mary!

I'll call this guy Harry and he was definitely in his 40s. I think he was gay because he often tried to flirt with me in a very clumsy manner. Anyway, I promised to take care of his cat while he and mummy went on a trip somewhere. (He always referred to her as mummy.)

When they came back I made arrangements to go to his place and return the kitty. Harry was sitting in a chair and mummy was standing beside the chair. She started to stroke his hair and he responded by tilting his head back and closing his eyes, with the most beatific expression on his face. I couldn't get out of there fast enough. I actually felt dirty, as if there were things crawling around under my skin. Whenever I think of single men living with mama, I think of Harry.

R108 is old and bitter.

You guys OP posted upthread that he is Dominican.

If he's Dominican, you need to back off. Don't try to interfere with a person's heritage.

A person's heritage?? Is it in the Dominican heritage for a 42 year old son to still be living with mommy? Caramba!

R112 If he's hot, I don't back out. I back in!

Ex-military, 42, back to school in what's probably his 30s, living with mama. This all gives me the heebie-jeebies. I'd check him out first, and I'd be willing to bet there's a backstory here that would knock your socks off. Maybe it's the butch bottom syndrome. He attracts all the queens who want to get fucked, but wants somebody bigger than him to do it. Maybe he's secretly into drag. Something. Something!

It’s always the gays who go back home and take care of their elderly parents

What is Dominican exactly? Some kind of Spanish?

Well, OP, you obviously have an issue with it or else you wouldn’t be posting about it here.

R117, Dominican refers to people from the Dominican Republic, which occupies the eastern half of the island of Hispaniola. The language spoken there is Spanish.

So what about men still living with their fathers or women living with either parent?

He might be gay, OP.

Is he hung?

The rejection of people who care for their parents makes me sad. It didn’t used to be unusual for families to stay together, and that was in part because people were less mobile decades ago, but also because families take care of one another. Older people can help with children; younger people can help older people. Today the norm is to outsource care to strangers who do it for a paycheck and who don’t care. That’s where we are today but it just strikes me as so odd that being a devoted child makes people pariahs.

I am 41. I am single. I have never been married. I am gay. I lost my mom two years ago. She was my best friend. I am still devastated. My dad had a surgery a couple months ago that saved his life but which did nerve damage to one arm and so now for practical purposes he has one hand he can use. He lives alone. We may end up living together at some point because he will really need help. And I don’t mind that at all except for the stigma associated with it. And I hate that. I am grateful to have him in this world and he and my mother sacrificed so much for their children and I love them for it and I am happy to do the same. Life is about more than being hot and fucking in my opinion, but to most gay men it seems that that is all that matters, and any man gay or straight who cares enough to care for his parents is thought of as a loser, whereas parents who sacrifice for their kids and oftentimes daughters who sacrifice for their parents are respected, and I think that this convention of mocking devoted sons being the norm is sad.

I'm calling frau alert! You You kissed, but didn't fuck? At 42? You're "falling in love"? I think you have some issues of your own to address, seriously.

Look, I'll admit to sex with 100 Dominican men, not one of them would EVER stop at first base. It would be more normal for them to fuck you and not kiss you. I agree with the poster who said bottom or tiny meat or something.

There are at least 3 Dominican threads with lots of info and pics.

OP does he have chestnut hair? If so, then he’s a catch!

[quote]The rejection of people who care for their parents makes me sad.

Since that’s not what this thread is about, why are you posting? His mother is a young, healthy woman with a husband. He is not “caring” for her in any way.

[quote] Dominican refers to people from the Dominican Republic, which occupies the eastern half of the island of Hispaniola. The language spoken there is Spanish.

So they are Spanish.

R50 and sad that he was orphaned at 72.

R123, You're a good son.

"army private"? Isn't the lowest rank in the army?

R123. I'm 58, but at 41 I was in a similar position. It really sucks. I've known more than a couple of gay men who committed suicide a year or 2 after their mother's death. The grief can be overwhelming. Hang in there.

OP's question is should she be concerned. Yes. It may be perfectly logical or it may be pathological. She needs to find out.

Occam's Razor- OP is female and Dominican is gay.

R117. Is that a joke question, or a stupid American?

Trolls

r123, Spain is a country, not an ethnicity. A person who is Spanish is someone who was born in Spain -- OP's BF is Dominican, meaning that he was born in the Dominican Republic. The Dominican Republic was settled by people from Spain and the predominant language there is Spanish (though most people are probably bilingual now, speaking English also).

[quote] Spain is a country, not an ethnicity. A person who is Spanish is someone who was born in Spain -- OP's BF is Dominican, meaning that he was born in the Dominican Republic.

You know what I meant. Don’t play word games with me!

[QUOTE] ex-Army private

Is being a private in the Army a big accomplishment? Why not just say "ex army"?

[QUOTE] He's Dominican

Demand he get tested before you do anything with him OP.

[QUOTE] He's Dominican

Demand he get tested before you do anything with him OP.

Just the opposite, R136 -- pointing out that he was ONLY a private shows that he never rose above the entry level position where he started.

How old is mother? Is she ill? Maybe he is taking care of her.

R135, I did not know what you meant (and still don't). Saying that a Dominican is Spanish is internally inconsistent and so stupid that I assume you must be R117 -- surely there can't be 2 such idiotic posters?

My mother is 93 and would love nothing more than for me to move to her little Midwestern town and live with her. I would lose my mind. I'm all in favor of shipping her off to Shady Pines.

Let's summarize. Dominican men are Spanish, poz, mother-fucking axe murderers.

Great for those of you who talk of these well-hung Dominican men. Yes, I've met some very hansdome and sexy Dominicans, but almost all of them were uncut pencil prick. It was like riding a straw. Careful, OP. You may end up not with a cock, but a cocktail!

Lesbian making a guest appearance here. Yes, I moved in with my ailing father for 2 years when I was in my late thirties. I was the only sibling of 5 straight men who would step up to the plate and take responsibility for a man who was becoming frail after multiple surgeries and less able to care for himself.

I, too, worked full-time, paid for some home health care, and was in the process of getting my Master's degree. Looking back, I don't know how I did it. In between, I had met a younger girl at work, which turned into a powerful physical attraction, like none I'd ever known. My father was clearly declining, and it was almost like the fates were sending me the love of my life as a replacement. Well, she didn't like the idea that I was caring for my father and living with him. She gave me an ultimatum. Either we get a place of our own, or it's over.

I chose my father. I chose the man who had given up so much for his family, even for the ones who couldn't bother to pay a visit. I later found out she was a bisexual, opioid abuser, and had shacked up with a man who had taken her in. A true sociopath. And Dominican. So yes, I'd say tread lightly. You can have a hundred lovers in this world, they'll never take the place of a good and loving mother or father.

R145, You're a good daughter.

Sounds like you dodged a bullet, R145. You can thank your dad for that (and I'm sure you do).

I knew a guy where the opposite was true. The mother was still in her early sixties, divorced, had fallen ill, and was out of work for several months. She fell behind in her mortgage, racked up a ton of bills, and was in danger of losing her home. My friend who was amd still is a physical therapist, gay, single, and lived alone moved back in to help with the maintenance and the finances until the mother recovered. She did and she went back to work within a year. Yet my friend remained in the house, and his brother, sister-in-law, and two kids have since moved in. An upstairs was added. It's another one of those happy houses, where there are a lot of parties, great holiday celebrations, and apparently no co-dependencies. They all pay rent, contribute to the household, and my friend says he got tired of being alone. He loves his family, still dates, and if the right one came along, he'd be willing to consider otherwise. But for now, he's just fine. He's 41.

Are they Dominican??

Sorry. There's just a cryptic factor in being over 40 and living with a healthy mother and her second husband. Has he made any recent trips to Amsterdam?

This sounds like one of those dudes who'll have a beard by 45. Don't walk. Run.

Why don't you invite the mother out for lunch and have a real sit down with her? Alone.

OP ran away to cradle her mug and watch lifetime moves after we told her he was gay.

Understandable if the guy is a 4 or 5 Dominican living with mami. If he's an 8 or 9, something's definitely up. And not his pinga.

I know a guy who was taken to the cleaners by his ex-wife and had to move back in with mama in his 40s. It gave him a chance on get back on his feet, go to school for a second degree, and ultimately inherit the whole shebang when mama passed. So it isn't always a bad thing.

Many gay men are not socialized for permanent long term relationships.

Living with their mom makes sense on so many levels.

R156 Spoken like a prodigal son.

Did you ask him OP?

My cousin, a 30ish female, strict Italian-Catholic background, just mustered the courage to bring home a guy she's been dating for the last few months. It's actually gotten very serious and she knew it was time for mama's approval. My aunt, her mother, is in her mid-sixties, from Staten Island, a devout Trump supporter, and looks like an frumpier version of Talia Shire. Well, you can imagine the look on her face when she discovered my cousin's boyfriend is black. Very hot and accomplished and a really nice guy. I'm jealous actually, and she's very lucky. My aunt went ballistic. Ranting, raving. "How could you do this to us?! You're ruining this whole fucking family! You must be a real putana to keep a guy like that!! I thought I taught your right! Where in fuck did you ever learn those things?!" My cousin's answer: "Your husband." OP, in short, don't worry about mama. If you love him and he feels the same way, it'll happen, whether mama likes it or not. If not, bid him and Mrs. Bates a fond adios!

R18 is onto something. Many cultures have entire generations living together.

here are all kinds of reasons: (1) culture, just how his family is (2) money (3) help out parents in some way (4) temporary (5) drug or other addictions or problems (6) just easier than moving out at the moment. There are many reasons, some obvious and some not, some good and others bad. As long as it's not too intrusive and it's not weird or too needy a parent, I don't think it's a big deal. Unless you plan on moving in immediately with him.

Post pics of his dick

You better run.... run.... run.... 🏃‍♂️

Why shame him? If you like him, dare him, and if it works out, move in together.

I NEVER thought I’d live with my mom again. I’m ready to move, and need to save up a bit more to do so. My mom is hell on wheels, but I do love her, and I now realize that when she passes, I’m going to be REALLY grateful for the time I had with her.

This is not abnormal in other cultures, nor is it linked down upon. Shit, didn’t the two Princes of England live at home with their families, until they sorted out where they were going to live?

I had a roommate from the UK who stayed with me for six months. She was 27 at the time, and her grown up sister of 33 years of age, both lived at home, hoping to eventually save enough to move out and get their own apartment together.

I’ve lived alone most of my life, and it gets VERY lonely.

[quote]Where in fuck did you ever learn those things?!" My cousin's answer: "Your husband."

R159 So your aunts’ husband was fucking black guys too?

Is he Hispanic or Irish or Italian? I dated a guy in his mid-30s who lived with his whole family. They accepted he was gay but he told me the men don't move out until they get married in his culture. It was all good until his mother asked me if I was the woman in the relationship.

R166 And what was your response?

R159, has your aunt heard that the Pope just appointed the first Black cardinal? He's in Wash DC and has been critical of Trump and supportive of gay rights. Sounds like a good guy!

Ivanka and Jared live with DAD, so there.

It’s called enmeshment (and yes, it’s common in non-WASP cultures). He’s basically a surrogate husband for his mother. You’ll always be second banana. This is the main reason I only date WASPs, but even they are not totally immune.

The mothers are often sexually attracted to the sons and are extremely jealous of their straight sons’ wives or girlfriends. The more slow-witted, milquetoast, or obsequious sons will acquiesce to their mothers’ advances. It’s really quite sickening.

R159 - I honestly admire your cousin. I’m a 54, with elderly Italian Catholic Trumper Staten Island parents - I usually date younger black guys and simply never bring them home - I don't need approval or unnecessary bullshit drama, bit more power to her.

If he’s Italian this is normal.

Lots of good and sensible reasons and bad ones too to be living with Mom as a mature adult. Suggest you be a grown up and with an open mind get to know the guy.

PS, R170 is full of s....

You could look at it this way. He's looking after his mother. People who condemn those who live with their parents are emotional adolescents who cannot conceive of living with parents without depending on them.

No, adults who are overly close to their parents are emotional adolescents. You grow up and move on. I speak to my mother for 10 minutes on the phone a few times a year. I haven’t physically seen her in 15 years.

R176 Is your mother Beth Jarrett?

I'd keep an open mind about it, find out more. Maybe he feels compelled, devoted, wants to help her out.

It's a matter of compatibility. For me, I find it harder to understand someone who can afford to live alone but lives with roommates.

It's not the time for snap judgments. Figure out of the part of his personality that makes his living arrangement make sense could be something attractive to you. If he's loyal, committed, caring--could that be a way to look at it?

OP, are you male or female?

[quote] Maybe he feels compelled, devoted

I would not be interested in any man who was “devoted” to his mother. I’m not going to be the third wheel in your emotionally incestuous relationship.

R7

"..but the old nutjob won't move so I'm stuck here."

Are you a serious? You are the one that needs to move out of your mother's house, not her our of her own house! Wow.

A lot of us had loving parents who made a lot of sacrifices for us. We love them, and we want to see them happy.

My brother brought his Korean girlfriend to visit Mom. She was confused why my parents would live by themselves in a two-story, four-bedroom house, while their adult children paid huge rents for tiny, crappy one-bedroom apartments.

I've never lived more than an hour away from my parents, and I would like to think that I'll help when the time comes. I like them, and they like me. Sharing the same house is not an issue, and it has lots of benefits for both parties.

I think this will become more common. One family in my neighborhood has three adult generations living together. There's a married couple in their 50s. One of their mothers lives with them. The couple also has two daughters in their 30s who live with them. The daughters are teachers, who can't afford their own places as single adults. By getting married or shacking up, a person can afford a place as part of a dual-income couple. But societal pressure encourages people to jump into bad relationships just so they can move out of their parents' home.

Lots of non-ethnic whites on this thread.

Italian.

The ex Army 42 year old bf of the OP is Dominican living with his mama. I agree with an upthread post. Mama might have a case on her progeny,

TLC has a new show SMOTHERED, gay edition. Tell your friend to send them a tape.

Did anybody ever tell you that look like Margaret Hamilton?

vicious face-slaps?

A therapist told me years ago that the first tenet of young adult maturity is the parentectomy. I never forgot it and how true it is.

R190, that's not an issue for those whose relationship with their parents was never close on either side. In my family, the kids couldn't wait to escape and the parents were eager to be rid of us -- we all got along much better apart.

I have a fairly good relationship with my mother, but she has never liked a single guy I have ever brought home to meet her. "He's got nothing going for him," "You make more money than he does," "You could do much better, You're tall, he's short." The list is endless. When she starts with her shit, I say: "Do you want to see your son again?" Then shut the fuck up.

This is a lot more common today than people would like to believe and not just with gays. What hasn't even been mentioned are the guys over 40 living on their own whose rent and/or mortgage is courtesy of mommy and daddy.

If he is Hispanic, then it is the cultural norm. Here in Miami, everyone lives with their parents until they move in with a lover or spouse. No one gets defensive about it because it is expected.

It took me a while to get used to it, but it is definitely the rule rather than the exception.

When I first to NYC (I was about 24), I started dating this older man, 40ish, who was so damn hot. A big, burly Italian daddy type, very outer Borough, blue collar but with a white collar job type - just what I like. Also just a total sweetheart. I lived in Manhattan so we always stayed at my place. (He lived in the Bronx, but worked in the city, so we'd meet for our dates after his work and then migrate to my apartment). We had an absolute blast together.

When I finally spent the night at his house, I discovered he lived in the basement at his mother's place. Like in a sitcom. Or a datalounge meme. He'd totally refurbished it to make it feel like a bachelor pad and even dubbed his digs: Sal's Bar.

It was super awkward for me. All of it. I grew up dirt poor, started working at 15 and had my own apartment at 18. Very independent from birth. So, this was foreign to me. But I stayed with Sal. Met his mom - who was super cool. And ended up loving hanging out over at Sal's Bar! We didn't last too long for reasons having nothing to do with his living arrangement, but I learned to not a book by its cover.