In Love With a Japanese Guy

I forgot to link the site. Here it is:

He's waiting for you to make a move.

Invite him out for dinner or a drink or a Japanese bath house.

From Japan Japanese? Or American of Japanese heritage?

OP reminded me that I'm in the mood for tempura.

R3, from Japan. Born, raised and mostly living in Tokyo.

Haha, well I'm glad I contributed, R4.

1) Do not shit where you eat. Is he a colleague or client? No. Doesn't matter if he Japanese Chinese or Portuguese if he is a colleague. NO.

2) If you are stupid enough to overlook rule number 1. Are you known to be gay at work? If not. Stop. If so, proceed to 3).

3) "Would you like to go out to dinner this (insert appropriate date when you can meet face to face. Preferably a social date night such as a Friday or Saturday)?" Then take him to someplace with plenty of gays. Do you not so subtle sluthing.

R7, thanks for your reply. He's a consultant from an unrelated company and is with us for a year (on his current contract). No, I'm not out at work but wouldn't mind people finding out about me if I enter a serious relationship. My coworkers are mostly really nice, it's just that we're not very close and I'm not into announcing my gayness without any reason or provocation :) There are also several work romances and one marriage that have all been accepted really well.

I would love to ask him to dinner but there are no gay restaurants in my city and neither he, nor I would ever go to a dance club. The thing is, I really don't want to make him feel awkward and/or shocked.

Ask him this....

Boku no chin chin o tabetai desu ka?

If the answer is yes.........YOU ARE IN!!!!!

Shit or get off the can. You have to ask him to something and someplace non-work to feel him out. And possibly feel him up.

He's not an imbecile. When you offer this social invitation, he is going to say yes or no and do his own calculations. If he says no, then you move on. He won't blow his cool if he is a successful consultant.

OP, you're in the throes of infatuation. For a moment, look at it this way: it's two weeks from now, the whole asking him out has been a complete disaster. Fuckery drips from the skies onto your woeful widdle cranium. "I wish I'd thought this through before I totally fucked up." Just suggestin'. Truly, he can't be the only man in the world! I don't mean to be negative, it's just I'm seeing it from an objective point of view. Good luck. Arigato.

Go for it, but do it slowly. Japanese men are very reserved, but inside, they are pretty much adolescents sexually ( horny).

Japan isn't hateful towards gays, but it is extremely stuck in its ways and extremely ignorant. Chances are even if you managed to snag that Japanese hottie, you would have to deal with a extreme closet case that will eventually put a dent on your relationship.

In Japan, it's pretty much a custom to go for beer after a long day of work, so I'd probably go for that angle if you are hoping to connect with him more. I'd suggest meeting with him outside of work without any intention of confessing (unless you are getting heavy signals).

Thanks, R14, I think I will invite him for a beer tonight. Will report later. Wish me luck

While having a beer, ask if him about pop culture, what he likes. Suggest some gay-themed movies. Or if he's game, nonchalantly ask if he has a girlfriend, and when he says no, boyfriend?

My first boyfriend was Japanese-American (Sansei) and his parents were okay with us being together but we never talked about our relationship. Though reserved, I have been surprised with the number of guys with Japanese ancestry how somewhat easy it is to be more than just friends. Usually accompanied by a night of heavy drinking.

I remember visiting a friend's home in Japan and I ended up, after many beers, kissing the brother-in-law on the way out the door. Think I shocked my friends and his family. He probably would have liked to have done more that evening but the circumstances didn't permit.

All in all, Japanese men (whether they are from Japan or grew up in the U.S.) are not that different from other men. It mostly depends on the person, not their ethnic background, but that varies too depending on the guy.

OP, think it would be okay to tell him that you've enjoyed getting to know him. See where it goes from there. Please keep us informed.

God, is this Freak Fuck John?

Of course not being there to see this, it's difficult to say. I will tell you my husband was raised in Japan (is not Japanese), he speaks fluently, and we have many Japanese friends. The Japanese people born and raised there that I know are very polite and will avoid doing or saying anything that would make anyone uncomfortable. Controversial subjects are not discussed. That being said, I disagree with some of the points here on homosexuality - they view it as a private issue and if they weren't accepting, would never say so for fear of upsetting you. I think trying to find out how he feels, and then even if he is gay, dealing with his emotional style is actually going to be quite difficult for you IMHO. I say invite him out for dinner - as one poster says, he's not an idiot, if he declines then move on and just enjoy the friendship as is. If he does accept, I would bring up the topic of homosexuality. Approach it with curiosity, maybe talking also about other socially acceptable or rejected lifestyles in the context of how Japan is different from America. Good luck.

Hope he has you Turning Japanese in no time, OP. x

Thank you so much for the insight, R19! I'll try to follow your advice if the situation allows it

The going out for beer seems to be the best situation, as the Japanese business men treat it as almost a necessity. If you do feel any kind of vibes, maybe invite him to a Korean spa ( if there is one in your city). That way, both of you can be nude in a non-sexual setting. Go from there.

Love him long time.

turn on grindr at work and see if the proximity detector dings.

or

go to lunch with him, as work friends and leave grindr on and if it dings (cuz there's whores everywhere), see if there is any look of recognition on his face, because he is familiar with the recognizable grindr notification noise .

Or

Just ask him if he's in dudes.

Once you figure out he's straight, you can drop the whole thing.

Curious as to how you found out he was depressed? Is it only you who knows? Because mental illness is pretty taboo in Japan and people don't just blurt out that they are suffering from depression.

Get drunk with him and make your moves. If it doesn’t work out, you can blame it on the alcohol.

Gurl, NO! A jap would never take a gaijin home to his parent. You be need to get over this asap, because any helpful or kindness he shows is just japan politeness. They think of you completely differently in private. They are shady like that. Plus, it is completely normal for jap men to be single at advanced age. The gov are practically begging people to get married and have kids there. Most likely, your friend is an otaku freak in private.

Gurl, NO! A jap would never take a gaijin home to his parent. You be need to get over this asap, because any helpful or kindness he shows is just japan politeness. They think of you completely differently in private. They are shady like that. Plus, it is completely normal for jap men to be single at advanced age. The gov are practically begging people to get married and have kids there. Most likely, your friend is an otaku freak in private.

OP, I'll preface this with saying I'm a woman. I had a great friend in college that was very shy - from Tokyo, taking a program at my school. I really liked hanging with him. We spent a lot of time together and when he left he whispered he loved me. I thought he meant love like friends so I just said it back. But know that wasn't the case. This lead to a long-distance awkward thing that didn't end well.

Now had he said something during the months we were in the same country things might have been different. But he never uttered a word until he walked away from me. At my age I don't make the first move. I would suggest you have to make the first move. They don't show emotions. Be subtle like suggested. If you ask him for a drink he might think it's just work related, casual and platonic. If you ask him to dinner, he will get the idea and make his own choice. Especially if you present as gay. Do you?

or listen to R28, my friend was really polite and gentlemanly in the states but when I went to Japan, he was aggressive and I had to walk behind him. Seriously, I had to ask him to slow down but he would ignore me.

Really, r29/r30? How, exactly, was he aggressive? And were you ever intimate?

I don’t imagine he’ll be *hostile* to you, but perhaps VERY uncomfortable about the situation.. Japanese people can be quite conservative in my experience (I don’t mean politically, but just in general they play their cards close to their chest, personality-wise, and don’t take the initiative to open up… they usually need some encouragement or an invitation).

By that same token it’s unlikely he would ever make the first move. So the ball is really in your court.

You need to be prepared for any disappointment though. So I don't disagree with the other poster who suggested making sure it's not just a little infatuation.

Is he trained in the art of being a Geisha?

I couldn’t take the noise they make in Japanese gay porn.

A Gaysha maybe, R33

r31, after the relationship took that turn, he decided everything. Never asked me where I wanted to go, what to eat, drink etc.

Take a look at his dick. Is it pixelated?

Offtopic, I stumbled upon the weirdest Japanese porn I've ever seen. I did not know this is how the sex is made

Japanese men are very smooth and have off the charts impeccable anal hygiene

What surprises me most about Japanese gay porn is how much of it is out there. And the impression I get is that many men, irrespective of their sexual orientation, are willing to try just about anything. Bottoming seems less of a stigma for the "straight" guys than it would be for Western men.

R38 what is so way out weird about jerk off videos?

R41, did you watch it? It's like 2 plastic mannequins touching each other in the most dispassionate and hilarious way possible

Yeah. Just didn't seem so weird fo Asian porn.

Buy a bluray of the movie "In the Realm of the Senses" and invite him to watch it after a dinner.

OP, if you do hook-up, will you hold the magnifying glass while he holds the tweezer?

Pretty sure the gay porn scene in Japan is as much connected to the yakuza as the straight porn scene. A lot of the guys in Japanese gay porn are just straight dudes trying to get money because they are in debt (to the yakuza), have a gambling problem or a drug addiction,. There's less of a worry of being found out as well, because if someone happens to find you in gay porn, there's the whole ' why were you looking at gay porn!? ' thing.

It's pretty sucky though, most of the guys in Japanese gay porn look like they are in pain and it's really uncomfortable. They can't even be bothered to fake enjoyment, but I've noticed it's some kind of universal thing in Japanese porn that the one being penetrated being in pain and crying like a bitch means the sex is good.

You seem to have forgotten what happened at Pearl Harbor.

" Gurl, NO! A jap would never take a gaijin home to his parent." A jap? Jesus, you must say " Niggers," Kikes" and " Spics," too.

"You seem to have forgotten what happened at Pearl Harbor."

Or Hiroshima.

Wow, he's tall but has tiny peen. Nice combo, enjoy that OP!

OH please- he's a human being and if you think he is gay and might be attracted to you go for it- Japanese snapanese- who gives a flying fuck. If he likes you and you like him you'll find out soon enough if he's from a homophobic background and you won't be the first to have to deal with it.

But if you have a crush on someone at work who you have no idea about in terms of sexuality- then I suggest minimally you find out- and if straight- bug out.

I’ve been with two Japanese guys over the years. Both born and raised in Japan, but working here in the US. I can’t say the sex was good (that video upthread isn’t far off the mark), but neither of them had a small dick. Not huge, but certainly the larger side of average.

Sorry, r50 et al.

Strange, in my viewing experience it's the Japanese women in porn who wail startlingly like underage furry animals being raped by mecha giants. The guys I find extremely hot, with almost universally beautiful, smooth toned bodies. Dicks are below average in length but quite above average in girth. The kissing and slurping sound effects are often bizarrely exaggerated though

FUCK YOU, AMERICANS. Read it and weep.

Little dick Americans. Micro-peens. Every man should be made to wear a magnifying glass.

In high school we had several Japanese-Americans. Guess who had perhaps the biggest cock in the school? Poor guy, his nickname was "rope dong". I saw it and can verify the nickname was not an exaggeration.

Good luck OP, I hope you get your man. You certainly don't need a "gay" restaurant to have dinner with him. He very well could be gay, or at least open to some experimenting. Japanese males do have different ways of showing affection compared to American or Western men, so don't read too much into some things. They can be quite innocently close when inebriated. After a few beers, ask if there is a special girl back home, as R16 suggested. If no, then ask about a boyfriend very casually. That way you can gauge his reaction without professing your love.

I agree strongly with r19. I'm a woman and I dated Japanese guys in Japan. Going out after work is part of work life so even if he goes out with you and gets wasted, he's probably not looking to form a closer friendship or relationship with you. I think that this is going to end in disappointment.

Well, WADR, by your own admission, what would you know of him if he is bi or gay R58? Unless you're a yenta for fagelahs, I don't think he ought to take advice from a woman who has had flings with Japanese blokes... either in Japan, or here in the west. In my experience living in several different countries, some may be more open to experimenting in a foreign country, rather than at home.

I'm not giving any advice. I'm agreeing with someone else. I had long term relationships with guys who didn't speak English and I worked in Japanese companies. My comment is really about work culture and expectations people have of personal relationships.

R60 I still disagree. You sound unnecessarily negative. I lived in Japan and got drunk with several Japanese men. I wasn't looking to have sex with them, but became quite close with several, and was brought to their homes for dinner, and to meet their families. The error lies in your failure to realise the difference in how a traditional Japanese man (young or older) would relate socially to a woman (especially a westerner) and how he relates to other male colleagues, gay or straight.

I would like to give further encouragement to OP, considering as a guest here, he may be somewhat isolated, and be grateful for the social invitation. As an expat myself, I think I have accepted social invites more readily, having no local family or support group. What this colleague might do at home could be very different entirely.

Pearl Harbor was an insatiable bottom.

Dress up like Sailor Moon for the office Halloween party. Or

R64 meant to write: " Or don't."

You're so lucky.

Are we to presume that OP was successful and is now consuming beer with his crush??

We need details!!

Looks like things went well.

I'm picturing OP twirling around like Mitzi Gaynor singing "I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love with a Japanese guy!"

Hi guys. OP here. Thank you all for the interest! Here’s how my “date” went:

At the end of the working day, I cornered him in the kitchen and, as casually as I could, asked if he’d like to grab a beer after work. He accepted quite enthusiastically.

I took him to a bar I feel relatively comfortable in and know the staff. At first, we just talked about work and the other coworkers, nothing remarkable. He did share that he was feeling rather lonely away from home. After a few beers, the conversation took a turn to more personal stuff, like our families, etc.

And that’s when I decided to apply the advice given here on DL and ask him about a girlfriend and then a boyfriend. I ask if he has a girl back home. No. Summoning all my mental strength, I manage to squeeze out a feeble: “And, uh, a boyfriend then, uh, eh, hehe?”

Oh, the look he shot me! I’m absolutely sure that, right then and there, he saw through my entire charade, my intentions, feelings, and that whole beer invitation thing. And let me tell you, getting the side-eye from those Japanese eyes, combined with a sarcastic and knowing smile, does rattle the nervous system a little.

To his credit, he kept his cool and just replied: “No, I’ve been single for quite a while now”.

And then it was like a weight had come off our shoulders for some reason. We started talking more openly about everything (not going as far as confessing, but if he had asked, I would’ve). We stayed for hours and really opened up to each other. I felt a sense of real intimacy for the first time. I know it sounds mushy but that’s how it was. I felt accepted, though in what way, I don’t know yet.

He drove me home. We did a weird half-hug and a cheeky forehead bump – he laughed. I will have to disappoint the poster above but there was no sex. Nevertheless, the evening meant a lot to me. These are the results:

1. I am now completely in love;

2. I have caught a terrible cold and will have to stay at home for a few days.

So that’s it. Nothing much? Maybe. We’ll see if he remains friendly or chooses to distance himself. Any analyses and advice from the DL? Thanks again for the interest.

Bottom Line - Even animals know not to shit and eat in the same place.

R71 = killjoy

[quote]"You seem to have forgotten what happened at Pearl Harbor."

Or every fucking war ever took place on earth. Life must be so excruciating for R47 that she has to feel the pain of every generation before her. Has severe depression kicked in yet, dear?

R70 Glad to hear you had a nice time OP. Better to take a bit of a risk and live a little, than worshipping from afar and always wondering. I hope you two get to further your friendship.

And, after he gets rebuffed, the OP can do what Japanese do: go and be one with his shame.

Some things are worth waiting for, OP.

So OP, what makes you still think he might be gay?

R76, yum!

R77, I don't know if he's gay. I know that we somehow connect as people. Now, it may be wishful thinking on my part to think this might be more than friendship but who knows. It would've been so much easier if it was just about sex. The glimmer of hope I have is that I think that now he knows where I stand and didn't pull away. Make of that what you will

Well, now you know he isn't a homophobic asshole. That's good progress!

Please keep us updated.

How handsome is this guy, OP? Are we in young Toshiro Mifune territory?

R80, I just spent 40 minutes looking for a movie I didn't remember the title of, because he looks a lot like the actor who played the monk (picture below).

He is quite athletic and looks VERY nice indeed when he takes off his jacket and rolls up the sleeves of his crispy white shirt. Mmmmmm

OP delivers a report. We approve. We will keep this thread on the thread watcher OP.

What surprised me the most about this thread is that english speaking japanse exist

Why not, R83? Many Japanese people work with multinational companies and the American influence after WWII is significant

There is hope OP. If you don't have hope in your life about something however small you are dead.

"What surprised me the most about this thread is that english speaking japanse exist"

Wow, what a truly ignorant comment.

Well OP, how was work today?

Lived in Japan for about two years, five years ago. Dated a couple of Japanese men. Very reserved and not affectionate in public. But someone mentioned very teenage like in bed. Not very big cocks, but willing to try anything. Very open about sex while in the confines of a house or apartment.

OP here. I'm on sick leave and on Monday evening, he called to ask me how I was. Said he got my number from a coworker. We talked for about 15 minutes. He actually apologized in jest that I got sick when I was out with him. He is so cute in a sexy, bossy kind of way. FML

That seems very promising, OP!

Please keep us updated as things progress, OP! I love stories of burgeoning romance!

Best to just move on and forget him, OP.

Once you get his pants down it is all going to be pixelated anyways.

Okay R91 :) I love it that I can share with you guys

Um, I can't wait to injure myself on his pixels, R92! lol

We spent the war trying to keep the bastards out, now you wanna bring one home!

Thoughts and prayers that he'll go Pearl Harbor on my ass eh heh heh he

r95 or you could sit on his dick and go full Hiroshima on him!

Don't let it break up your happy home

The immature racist assholes have arrived, so, OP, it's time for you to sign off, because the genuine conversation will soon cease. It was nice while it lasted.

I’m sorry, but has this thread NOT been racist heretofore?

If he commits hara-kiri, OP, it's all on you.

OP, it's very simple at this point. He will ask you out again, or he won't. If he wants to do beers again, do beers. Eventually he will ask you out on a date date or attempt more if he's interested. It's your turn to be very patient now and enjoy the friendship.

Love this thread!

BL KAWAII-DESU!!!!!! (*´▽｀*）

Ganbatte to your sweet open heart OP, but you better check yourself before you wreck yourself.

To quote one of our literary greats, in all seriousness; you don't know Thing One about this guy, do you?

R104, I'm intrigued. What is your point? True, I don't know him well yet (I can name 1 bad thing about him). But that's the usual situation, isn't it? Are you trying to tell me something? ;)

And R101, why do you think I need to be patient and wait for his move now? Do you think it would be better if I did nothing?

Thanks for commenting, you guys, I'm enjoying this too.

I worked at a Japanese owned company for some years. The Japanese Americans were completely American and there was a culture clash between them and their parents. But the born in Japan Japanese were horrifically reserved and wore a sort of social armor at work. The gay ones were definitely in the closet.

In Japanese culture, it’s very common and in many cases highly encouraged, for coworkers to go out after work and spend hours drinking as a sort of coworker-bonding session.

Take him to a local Japanese restaurant or bar. You buy. Be aware that in Japanese culture this is not necessarily considered a date or even outside of work. This is still a work-friends session, it’s not considered outside of work culture. It’s supposed to make you more productive at work. Get a few drinks down him and go slow. Be aware he can drink you under the table.

Also, be aware that a large percentage of young Japanese at home are celibate and don’t date. Doesn’t mean he won’t want to here, but he might not have a lot of dating experience. He might not catch every social cue you put out.

I’d start by gradually segueing from work subjects to his thoughts about society here to talking about your private life. Keep it clean. Don’t talk about sex or use vulgar words unless he does first. Ask him to tell you about himself. If he’s in the closet it will be like trying to pry a pearl out of an oyster with a dull q-tip. Make sure he’s had a few drinks before you even try to get to the good stuff. Expect this to go on for a few hours. Most Japanese can drink saki or beer for hours and still hold their own. It’s also common in Japan for guys to go out drinking every night with coworkers before going home. It’s a male bonding thing, not usually romance, so be aware that what you think and what he thinks may be a disconnect. Good luck.

Say "Homo deska?" to him. You're welcome.

Listen to r106 OP. Ignore my previous post. Do NOT say to him "Homo deska? ". You can say it after he's sucked your dick. You're welcome.

r106 Is a bit late to this party. OP has already gone out drinking with the guy and is inthe What Next phase.

I would say him tracking down your number and calling you after you didn't come to work is a pretty good sign

[quote]Thoughts and prayers that he'll go Pearl Harbor on my ass eh heh heh he

OK, but can you hold out until December 7?

R106 has it right. Bear in mind too OP that serious romance for Japanese people is fancy gourmet dinners in hotel lounges, boardwalks & parks & promenades, spas & hotsprings, boat-rides & above-ground train rides to pretty hotspots, cultural concerts & art/music exhibitions....in short, an investment of $ & time. You can also expect, as other posters have said, to have to keep it platonic in public and secret from family. It's been done by happy couples, but it ain't easy.

Love hotel & massage parlour sessions come cheap & discreet, though, if you're looking to skip to the fun part and maybe hold off on the heavier stuff.

I'd like an update on this situation. You guys hook up yet, OP?

He must've gotten slapped down 😆

R112, your description of Japanese romance sounds like - exactly like - old-fashioned Western courtship. It sounds nice, actually.

I just got caught up with this thread.

OP, you hugged after your first date? And he called you when you were sick? That is fairly bold for your friend, from my personal experiences with Japanese men, but I could be wrong.

I'll confess that I'm a former "rice queen", mainly for Japanese men. I became fairly good at knowing when to make a move, but like all men, regardless of race or country of origin, each guy is different. You'll have to chart your own course as you spend more time with him outside of work. At some point soon you may find it appropriate to let him know that you prefer the company of men. You may want to apologize for telling him this, so he doesn't feel obligated to comment.

Hope you find my comments helpful, OP. By the way, I'm now a reformed rice queen and freely date men of all all races. Guess I've matured and look beyond the external factors. Though I still find Japanese men, both those born and raised in Japan and elsewhere, to be adorable.

One quick story and I'll stop. When I was in college I had a Japanese-American friend who attended a college in another city and would visit me on weekends every so often. I found it interesting that after a night of drinking he would like to stay in the same room as me but not share the same bed. It drove me nuts, but I never acted on the situation. Guess I was too scared that he would be offended. If I could only relive those days with what I've learned since then.

^Shinjuku Baby?

R117 When I visited Japan I was with straight friends and didn't find the proper time to visit Shinjuku (Ni-chōme). Maybe next time.

r116, but did you ever make it with a handsome, masculine straight-identifying type?

Like the one in this video? If you did, we're all ears for details.

^ Video is linked in the account above. I didn't mean for that guy's picture to come up.

[quote]What surprised me the most about this thread is that english speaking japanse exist

Jesus Christ, what century do you live in? Of course they exist. Just look at Lucy Liu and Margaret Cho. How ignorant are you?

OP if you meet any of the cute D-BOYS in your Tokyo travels, please let them know that at least one Western gay is a big fan.

Their work HQ is in Shibuya, the WES Building on 4-2-12 Jingūmae, and they're always putting on plays or filming shows in and around the city.

R119 My first boyfriend was Japanese-American and he was handsome and, for the most part, masculine. But not straight. The closest to having sex with a super-straight Japanese-American was after a night of heavy drinking but there was no anal, just playing with each other. From my experience, the super straight ones, while they may interested in gay sex, will do most anything to keep their secret desires secret.

Wish I could have seen the video via the link you provided. I'm in Nepal now and Porn Hub is blocked. But not all gay sites are blocked. I found a video last night on another non-blocked site that was fun to watch. (Guess I'm still a bit of a rice queen.)

Has anyone ever been to one of the Japanese male brothels?

Please tell me r122 is meant ironically.

I hope so, R126. Otherwise he has truly embarrassed himself.

OT but has anyone tried those low-to-the-ground traditional Japanese beds? Are they comfy? Are there health benefits? Good for sex? Does OP's man have one?

I was thinking about getting one but I've never seen one for sale or in use in the West so I want to do a little research.

I lived in Japan for a couple of years. I had a tatami floor in the bedroom and slept on the floor on a thin futon.

Best sleep I've ever had!

OP here. About the beds - I've slept on things that can be described as futons since the age of 14 - low on the floor and military hard. I love it. Also very hard pillows. I couldn't sleep on a soft bed.

I don't have much gossip to share with you for the time being, because I've been home sick for the whole week. Apart from the conversation on Monday, me and D (Japanese guy) texted back and forth a couple of times. Mostly he asked how I was, I told him what I was doing, he told me about work.

I would like to ask the self-confessed "rice queen" ;) about body language. As our situation for now is confined to the buddy-professional type of activities (I feel that anything in the form of traditional courtship would be grossly inappropriate at this stage), I'm thinking about ways to read him and his intentions. Are there, in your opinion, any signs that could show me that he is interested in more than friendship (apart from overt sexual advances)? That he... fancies me? Or signs of friendliness that must not be mistaken for attraction under no circumstances? I guess my question is to everyone.

OP, what do you look like? Stats, age, dick size, pics. Then we can better advise you and customize accordingly.

OP-san, no advice to contribute other than be yourself and don't overthink it. You sound like a nice, cool guy. If he chased your number down and has kept communicating, he obviously likes your company. I'm rooting for you!

Ha! Age 38, hard body type (I used to swim competitively as a child and teen, now I'm more of a tennis guy). 6 3/4, uncut (I'm hearing the hissing already). Caucasian, brown eyes and hair. I'm of half Russian, half German heritage. Good enough? :D

OP, I would let him make the next overture. You don't want to be shot down by the "I don't shit where I eat" line. I've had great romances with co-workers, but I've also had to leave a job after falling in love with a co-worker who, though he had feelings for me, refused to take the relationship to anything beyond long lunches, extended hugs and the occasional peck on the cheek. I couldn't blame him for not wanting to complicate things at work, but the pain of seeing him everyday became too much. Take it slow and be careful.

Trying to interpret body language can be tricky. Being with someone who stares into your eyes could mean he is interested or be bored and ready to fall asleep (I'm accused of the latter.) Perhaps if "D" looks down when saying something to you might mean that he is disclosing something private or sensitive. Even putting your hand on his shoulder might cause him to react which could mean he doesn't want you to touch him or aroused that you touched him. These traits, could be attributed to Japanese men, other men of different races could exhibit similar reaction.

You'll know if he fancies you. Perhaps if he wants to spend more time with you. That is a good sign. Then you can tell him how nice it is to be around him. Perhaps to say how comfortable you are with him. Think that would be okay to say.

Hope you feel better by next week. Keep us updated. Wishing you all the best.

Good advice from R134. Yes, take it slow.

OP, are you American? Born in the US? How did they not cut you? Could you post a pic?

Don't forget your tweezers. Don't think Asians are good in dealing with alcohol at all, so don't know if the drinking lots of alcohol with Asians is such a good thing, and puts them under pressure. I guess they would be better with doing some drugs, of course illegal, so no. E.g. when I was visiting Vietnam I was surprised at all the male touching and embracing in a regular tourist destination. I guess Japan as the most Western is the most homophobic Asian country, might sound weird, still my opinion, and in Asian culture there is more acceptance towards men in straight relationships and marriages having gay sex and gay affairs. Women are more enduring than Western spoiled brats and harpies.

No, R136, I will not post pics of myself, you SLUT :D I was born in Vienna, actually. But my parents wouldn't have allowed me to be cut in any case.

Post a pic of your dick. It’s anonymous.

Don't post a picture of your dick.

It's not 2002!

German and Japanese? You need to find an Italian and call yourself the Axis Powerbottoms.

(I won't mention the Russo-Japanese War.)

By the way, I want to thank you all for the amazing comments and stories (not you, dick guy and you, WWII politics guy lol). It's absolutely great to read your advice and have a conversation here and it's actually helping me a lot. Keep it coming!

If you like him, ask him to lunch or to go out to dinner. If he's non-committal, not interested, or declines, move on and seek elsewhere. If he says yes, you stepped inside the doorway. Don't over-think this and fret.

On DL, there are a lot of "I like this guy, he's cute, I want to date him, but am afraid to dare ask, because....".

No thread will fix self-esteem and fear of failure issues.

Jesus Christ, R136, stay on topic.

Just play this song and start twerking at his desk.

This has worked for me in every job I've been fired from.

OP, in Asian countries generally, being the host is a matter of pride. That means paying the bill and refusing to split it, ordering good stuff or recommending it.

Every Japanese person I’ve ever gone to lunch with wanted to go to a Japanese restaurant. Find a good one and take him there.

I think about as racy as you can get for a while is to talk about his favorite anime characters. See what comes up. If you don’t know anything about them, maybe you could ask for recommendations.

This is a really, really bad idea.

As is R146s advice.

R146 yeah not all Japanese people like anime, in fact a lot of them hate otaku, so I definitely wouldn't do that

OP, you sounds like a dirty gaijin. He will not dishonour his family by bringing you home.

R146, an adult male in Japan, who still likes anime, is considered damaged geek. It is shameful to admit such things as an japanese. Japanese keep their manga and anime obsessions private. Otaku is an insult for japan.

Go to one of those places where you have your own private karaoke room and a waitress serves you food and drinks. All Asians love that stuff. It is also a bonding experience for them. Start going to the gym again. Casually mention it to him. Then tell him if he ever wants to work out with you sometime he is welcome to come as your guest.

Take him for raw men. They love that.

R151 not too sure about the Japanese but Koreans love karaoke

If you like baseball, OP, ask him to watch a World Series game with you. Most Japanese men love baseball, and many are fanatic about the sport.

R137 "Japan most homophobic Asian country"? You've probably never been there or know much about the culture or know many Japanese people, right? Otherwise you wouldn't have made such an uninformed opinion as pass it off as fact. Japanese culture has a long history going back thousands of years continuing into the 1800s of wide acceptance of male homosexuality. Among the samurai and Buddhist monk class, homosexual relationships were not just condoned but in some cases encouraged. If you've ever visited national museums in Japan, you'd notice that a lot of the pre-modern artwork depicted male-male love.

As for modern Japanese culture, homosexuality is viewed in religious terms and just like heterosexuality it is something that Japanese people don't talk about in public. Straight couples aren't demonstrative in public, they don't talk about sex to even their friends, same applies to gay couples/ relationships. But, just because they don't talk about sex it doesn't mean that they are not open about all sorts of kink and anything goes adventurous sex. It's a very odd culture that's on one hand conservative and on the other hand quite anything goes freaky. I'd spent considerable time there since I was a child, having had a Japanese grandmother. This is a cool pop culture website that has a pretty interesting read on Japanese attitude and history with regards to homosexuality.

Here's a befitting Japanese TV drama to tide you over, OP. Maybe you can learn something from it...

You can watch it here.

A lot of fairs are going on; take him to a tractor pull. My Thai bf loves them.

R155, are you Japanese?

OP what part of the country are u in?

I hope OP has recovered, returned to work today, and will update us soon!

If D sought out your number and texted you, he already made the next move. I think OP has to ask him out again. I would still keep it casual though. The gym idea or sporting event are good options. Getting a drink is always safe.

After you go on a couple of more “dates”, maybe you can throw a party at your place and only invite people from work. If he stays to “help clean up,” you’ll know he’s in to you. I know that in Japanese culture, it’s not common to bring colleagues back to your house, but you are in the US, so I don’t think D would be too weirded out. He may think it’s the equivalent of inviting colleagues to dinner and consider it a generous act.

OP should ask him on a Friday night so no work next day.

Protip, OP: before you fuck him make sure your Intended gets you in line for a promotion then instigates to dissolve any company laws you find disagreeable. That's what I did.

OP, where are you? Hopefully getting fucked senseless by your Japanese crush!

^Unlikely.

Now we can definitely be sure OP got slapped down and told off. 😂 Lusting after straight guys never ends well.

Update....onegei shimasu!

Hi guys, OP here again! So I didn't write this week because nothing happened, he seemed quite distant and, as some of you suggested, I just decided not to make an ass of myself anymore so I gave up internally and was quite depressed. Didn't attempt to talk to him either. Felt very defeated.

And then yesterday he came up to me near the end of the working day and said out of the blue: "S., we didn't have time to talk this week. Why don't you come over for lunch on Sunday?" I was so stunned that I simply agreed and asked for his address and the time he wants me to stop by. We said nothing else (he wrote his address on a piece of paper and handed it to me over the desk with a very sweet look in his eyes though).

WHAT DO I DO?? WHAT DO I DO? Please advise! What does this mean!!

R169 If he presents your lunch like this, then I think he likes you.

Go to lunch. Bring a bottle of wine. Don’t overthink it. Just have a good lunch.

Now you're going to spend all day trying to decide what to wear.

I second the advice of r171.

Yep, what R171 said. Expecting a report on Sunday evening, though.

I'm here for this. How was lunch, OP? Are you still at his house?

The lunch is on Sunday, r175.

Don't forget to douche.

Expect nothing. Be prepared for anything.

Go, relax and have fun. If you don’t know what he is cooking bring one mid bodied red (entry level Bourgogne or maybe a Gigondas) and one white....nothing oaked and nothing too horribly acidic maybe a dry Alsatian Pinot Blanc which goes with everything or a Sancerre...or a Vermentino from Italy (Rolle in France great ones from the south) or maybe a Gruner Veltliner from Austria (great ones from Hungary too) The lunch will go great if you bring the right wine. Good luck!

What if he is like me and hates wine?

Never get involved with anyone who doesn't like wine. It will never end well.

God, I love this thread and can't wait to hear back about the lunch. You'll be in his territory so let him do what he has to steer you into any situation he wants to occur. Hopefully that involves cuddling on the couch and Netflixing, at the least.

Thanks so much for the encouragement and for the excellent wine tips! Do you think it's appropriate to text him asking what wine/alcohol he prefers me to bring, or is it not "the done thing"? I wouldn't fuss so much with any of my friends or coworkers but this...

Japanese are not big wine drinkers. Ask him if he wants you to bring premium beer instead?

[quote]Go, relax and have fun. If you don’t know what he is cooking bring one mid bodied red (entry level Bourgogne or maybe a Gigondas) and one white.

Two bottles of wine? Two bottles? I wouldn't suggest that.

And if you bring wine, it's a gift and it is not expected to be open that evening. How gauche.

If he's cooking and wants to serve wine, he's already chosen what he wants to serve.

What kind of underwear are you going to wear?

Don't forget the RoHypNol!

Any update yet?

Maybe OP is still there...

R185 it is quite proper to bring wine. They can have one with dinner and one can be a gift. Would you have him go empty handed? Certainly not.

Wow, finally someone who is Asian-attracted instead of all the bashing we usually see. This thread gives me hope for humanity and the gays.

[quote]it is quite proper to bring wine. They can have one with dinner and one can be a gift. Would you have him go empty handed? Certainly not.

R190 Do you have trouble reading?

I wrote "if you bring wine, it's a gift..."

Of course it's proper to bring wine, but as a gift and you gift the wine without the presumption that it will be served with the meal that the host prepared.

And bringing TWO bottles of good wine on the first invite to a person's home is embarassing overkill.

Does he live in Canada and hate his mother? Does he dream of snuggling with Seth McFarlane?

Op should have brought over some good sake. Red wine? You bitches give horrible advice.

Op should have brought over some good sake. Red wine? You bitches give horrible advice.

i

OP is tied up in the Japanese guys bedroom dressed in a Kimino and wearing a geisha wig with make up like Baby Jane's. And his dick has been pixilated.

This is such a sweet little story. I'm rooting for you both. I hope your silence means you're getting laid.

So either it went really well or terribly wrong.

Are you and the Crush at work today, OP? Are you able to face each other?

OP drank the two bottles of wine by himself and is still hungover.

I hope things went really well and.....

I hope that OP's Japanese love interest has been reading DL the whole time, and casually mentioned this thread during lunch. Then, after a long silence, they began to fuck like the world was ending. I hope that OP's silence means they're still riding each other's dicks, drunk on however many bottles of wine OP decided to take and long, pent up lust.

I had the same thought, R203.

OP OP where are you

OP's been sold into white slavery.

OP showed up at D's door and realized D had invited the entire office. OP spent 2 hours watching D talk up Bridget from Accounting before sneaking the two bottles of wine back into his coat and slinking out the door unnoticed.

...

So sorry, OP. 😂 But you that's what happens when you fly too close to the sun.

Thought we were going to get your stuff, OP. What happened?

Sorry for the delay. This is what happened after we drank the wine. Thanks for the wine tip, bitches.

Invite him into a suicide pact with you then when you guys are about to end it make you’re move. The Japanese are really into suicide.

I think I've solved the mystery of the missing OP.....

R213, OP responded up thread with the Happy Homer gif. I think we should take it as a sign that OP indeed got laid, is still getting laid, and can't slide off Japanese co-worker's dick long enough to write a sentence updating us on his adventures. Live your life, OP, but when you can sit down again, do come back and give us the deets!

r214, thank you, I missed that the Homer gif was from OP! Yay!

We need more than that GIF.

So now OP doesn't want to kiss and tell?

10/10.

Just be careful not to get a Charley Horse, OP.

OP, so what happened?

You two pixies spending the weekend together, OP?

Did OP just give up on this EST?

Well, I think we've been had, boys. By chance, I saw that OP started the "Where Are You From" thread yesterday and he mentions in the thread that he is "alone." That's a shame. I enjoyed the thread and hoped that things ended well for OP, but seems like it's just another EST.

For some reason I became very invested in this story. Picturing a wonderful date and tasteful and understated decor surrounding them at a delicious but healthy dinner. The other shoe will never drop.

R130 OP, good thread. I'm also home sick and enjoying living vicariously through you.

One thing to point out about your friend: Since he's already admitted to you that he feels lonely away from home and is feeling depressed, be mindful that he's very likely operating from a place of loneliness and is very glad for the company you're providing.

You sound like a nice guy, but you are crushing on your friend so your perspective is obviously colored by your feelings of infatuation. This is just to say, don't start reading into your interactions with him because you want this to be romantic, while he's just looking to connect with a friend in a foreign country. Not only will you set yourself up for disappointment and discomfort at the workplace in the near future (if I'm correct), but you'll further cause your friend to feel even more isolated and depressed. I don't think you'd want thw above for either of you.

Just be a friend, accept this person as a coworker and a new friend and take it easy a bit, eh? Reign in the hormones a bit and see where things go...slowly.

My guess is he's showing kindness towards you as a friend who offered him a social outlet in an emotionally low period in his life by checking on you. Take it at face value, unless he gives you very good reason to think otherwise.

Same R224. Such a shame, it was a good thread.

Why be an EST? Are their lives so empty they crave attention on anonymous message boards?

I feel like OP has bukkaked all over my soul. I was invested in this OP, you asshole.

Start removing this thread from your threadwatchers, boys. We've been had.

I was enthralled by this thread, and still hold out hope that OP and his Asian crush are together, fucking until all hours of the night. Perhaps OP has some couth, and doesn't want to jinx things by coming here and spilling all the tea. He's got what he wanted, and he's basking in the afterglow.

This thread is the Call Me By Your Name of ESTs...

Perhaps we can write the story for ourselves. He is getting ready for the date when suddenly...

... when, suddenly... he had a raging episode of colitis and shat himself and the couch. Game over.

OP is some mythomaniac simpleton

We met for a real date and realized that we were both very attracted to each other. So, after dinner, we returned to my place, where I built a fire in the fireplace, turned on this beautiful music, and we began making love, until this fucking moth came and ate our clothes.... and my duvet.

R223 How do you know that OP started another thread? Is there a code that you enter that tells you this? Can you also see who posted under a thread?

Asking for a friend.

R236 Use the ignore button. You'll be able to see some of the other threads OP posted in or started. It doesn't always work well, but I just tried it and see that OP is now into tiaras and crowns! Oh dear!

If this was real, most likely OP's crush was straight and when he found out OP was trying to fuck him, he bailed in repulsion and is now trying to avoid him at work.

Maybe OP is a tiara and crown type guy. OP tell the Japanese guy that you want to engage in some Royal Family type role play.

[quote]OP tell the Japanese guy that you want to engage in some Royal Family type role play.

You mean the Japanese guy will only trot out OP for official events, but behind closed doors will humiliate him by indiscriminately fucking all the royal pages and footmen in his employ?

[quote]can't slide off Japanese co-worker's dick long enough to write a sentence

This feels backwards.

So, I was flamed on another thread for not updating this. I'm sorry. I had no idea people were so interested in my personal story 😅 It also didn't feel right to share intimate details online. But I'll give you the gist.

We drank and made out when I visited him and everything, all those pent-up emotions, came out very naturally. The utter relief of finally being honest and being yourself.

Sex came about a week later and for the best! It's best to wait a little for the right time, it sounds cheesy but if you've been there, you'll know it's true.

In short, I'm getting closer and closer to a very interesting person and, for the first time, am making some plans for the future in my head. It's a wonderful thing.

Thank you all for the interest and I wish you happiness and love.

Congrats, OP! Sounds like a nice little thing you got going on! Hugs with a Z!