Let’s be Soapdish (1991)

I'm Terri Hatcher's tits.

Nothing compares to us.

I'm sudden speech! The last sign of brain fever! Her brain could blow at any moment!

I am the PROBLEMATIC TRANSPHOBIC CONTENT that will result in this film never being shown again anywhere, ever, and all copies pulled from circulation!

This is the trans movement's Birth of a Nation!!

I'm Milton Moorehead of Syosset, Long Island.

I'm the turban that makes me look like the GODDAMN TWEETY BIRD!

I'm David's multiple pairs of eyeglasses.

I'm the ashtray that lives in Cathy Moriarty's throat.

I'm having a life here.

I'm looking at crawdad butts.

I'm the mall.

I'm Doctor Monica DeMonaco, the neurosurgeon assigned to this case.

I am the first turban, that make Celeste look 70. DAVID, AM I 70, DAVID!!!!!????

We're Venus and Saturn, who were grist for the mill for ten years.

I'm Betsy Faye Sharon, and I'm a bitch.

Now get out.

I'm Betsy Faye Sharon, and I'm a bitch.

Opps someone beat me (Betsy) too it.

I am Kopfgeschlagen.

I'm the heartland.

I'm the Paramus Mall.

I'm the craw dead butts.

I have more lines that Cathy Moriarty, and I'm a goddman mute!

I'm the bad reviews this piece of shit deserved.

Why do you think it's a piece of shit?

I'm Kevin Kline's contact lenses. Where am I? I feel lost...

I'm a New Jersey shopping mall and I'm a crutch.

I'm the bus that met Celeste Talbert

I'm peppy and cheap!

I'm Teri Hatcher's tits, compared with which her eyes are nothing.

I'm the soup ladel.

I'm the expensive wave machine.

I'm the ex-boyfriend's plants Celeste kills.

I'm a hot young actor, ready, willing, and able to play any role that comes up -with or without my shirt.

"Will you be having wine with dinner?"

I'm Doctor Monica Demonico, the neurosurgeon assigned to this case

I'm the swimsuit Bolt can't act in.

I'm the 1.2 million dollars Edmund Edwards gets from the network to make difficult command decisions.

Why can't I write shit like this?

No, r33: you are not.

I'm the collection of male nude sculptures and photos strewn about Betsy Faye Sharon's office. HR is too afraid of her to make an issue about them.

1/10 Transphobic trigger warning ingfu20 October 2018 This movie is a mess from start to finish, worse than any soap you'd find on tv. It also has a blatantly transphobic ending which ridicules a trans woman and pegs her as disgusting while using her dead name and pronouns. I say this as a trigger warning for those that need it.

I'm Bolt's towel. Jealous, bitches?

We're the gorgeous young hunks in the breadline at the soup kitchen! We all fucked that lucky bitch of a casting director!

I’m the tear gliding down Leeza Gibbons’ cheek.

I'm a youthful Robert Downey Jr. giving yet another gay performance.

He still denies it.

I’m much better than the interminably long and frau-minded Tootsie.

I'm bran flavor.

[quote] I’m much better than the interminably long and frau-minded Tootsie

Less homophobic too.

I'm The Sun Also Sucks!

I’m a TB sanitarium in Tierra del Fuego.

I am NOT Montana's mother! You can't make me a grandmother.

I'M NAKED AND YOU PROMISED!

I'm from Pittsburgh and what does that say about your appeal?

I'd play, OP, but I'm busy trying to write for a man who was decapitated. I need to think up a suitable storyline for a man who has no head.

I'm the leg lifts Bolt was doing at the gym.

i'm the decapitated head that rose is trying to write for "how am i suppose to write for a man with no head?! he's got no mouth, he's got no lips, he's got no vocal cords, WHAT do you want me to do?!"...

david: you'll find a way

rose: HE DOESN'T HAVE A HEAD!....

I'm Sally Field's brain. Take it!

I'm Celeste's twin sister whom no one in her hometown or school ever remember meeting.

I'm the doormen union, preventing them for working 24 hours a day.

I am David Lynch's Blue Velvet, which was asked for during the following Christmas, and, instead, my mother bought me this on VHS, because "It looked cute".

I’m Liza’s half-brother.

Lol R58. Your mom knew. Blue Velvet is a classic, but it ain’t gay at all.

I'm Tawny the costume designer, who somehow didn't know about Montana/Milton.

We're the plates that Jeffrey clears while acting in the dinner-theater production of [italic]Death of a Salesman.[/italic]

I'm the Opa-lacka Steakhouse, where Jeffrey is performing Death of a Salesman.

I am a real, honest-to-god actor who has had the same experience as Jeffrey in the Opa-lacka Steakhouse. I was once onstage in a musical when I felt a tug on my pant leg. I looked down to see a woman in the front row grabbing me and saying, "I think you're doing such a good job up there!" And she didn't whisper. The audience started howling and the other actor in the scene, who hadn't seen or heard anything before the laughter, tried to beat me up after the show for ruining his big scene.

What makes Soapdish so funny is that it is all too real.

We're Matt Lauer and David Letterman in the audience watching separate viewing of this film. The scene where Elizabeth Shue bursts into Carrie's office and nearly catches her in flagrante delicto on her casting couch is very disturbing to us. It suddenly occurs to us automatic door locks controlled from a secret button under our desks might be a good idea.

I'm the overacting stage manager who doesn't know what to do when the cast goes off script for Angelique's restaurant operation.

I’m the lady cooking sausages.

I’m the clear elevator on set.

I’m the Bill Styron thing.

I’m the machine, Rose!

I'm the attractive homeless.

I'm the nervous director, so afraid of losing my job that I'd piss my pants of the producer yelled at me.

I'm Susan Lucci, pissed that I not only lost again, but I lost to a fictional character.

I’m Hess.

I'm the palmetto bug on the television screen in the playhouse dressing room.

I'm the photo of Judy Garland on Montana Morgan's make-up mirror that clued me in that she might not be what/who she seemed...

The the brown uniform on the rental car girl.

I'm doing so well, up there, on stage.

They LOVE me in Canada!!

I’m the novel reinterpretation of Hamlet. See, all the characters are really in Hamlet’s head, you get it?

Yeah. That clears things up for me. Anyway, back to what we were talking about...

I’m the accents you should probably stay away from.

I’m the first time I was ever surprised by a plot twist in a movie.

I'm the drainpipe Celeste hangs from

I'm a (no longer active) actor who copied Celeste and would go out shopping, having lunch, etc. to be seen. You really *have* to do it with a wingman.

I am and will always be the Queen of Misery!

I’m the red tassels dangling from the ceiling in the Chinese restaurant set.

I’m asking you to leave.

I am guilty!

Guilty of love...in the first degree!

I’m all the “hi’s” you have to say to the executives’ wives.

I’m Maria Randosie,

Fort Lee, New Jersey.

I’m aware of my demographics.

I’m coma. Actors don’t like to play me - they feel it limits their range.

I'm the wrong apartment number on the door.

I'm All My Trials, which boasts no-doubt brilliant performances daily from not-Finola Hughes.

I’m Rose’s condo payments.

I'm the What's Up Doc? thread, and I'm getting jealous of all the attention!

R97 Don't you know the meaning of propriety????

I'm Cathy Moriarity's dark hair on the poster, causing massive confusion whether it's her or Teri Hatcher.

I'm Stephen Nichols and Finola Hughes' costars, raging with jealousy that they are in a major motion picture.

Cathy Moriarty isn't on the poster. I mentioned that once and got screamed at by a dozen Dataloungers who said she was the least important character in the movie, and also there probably wasn't enough room to get her in the shot anyway.

Because you know how hard it is for professional photographers to fit a whole group into a single image.

They very badly pasted Moriarty into this promotional photo though, enlarge it and see how terrible it looks!

Wait, so that is Teri Hatcher, who was a no name in 1991 on the poster?

I'm the Hotel Marmaduke.

I'm the kiss Elisabeth Shue and Kevin Kline never got to have because of Celeste's freakout.

Yeah, Teri Hatcher is on the poster, Kathy Moriarty isn't.

Neither did Teri Hatcher make it onto the poster for Tango and Cash

[quote]Kathy Moriarty

Who?

Cathy, sorry.