Professional Pet Peeves

People who don’t identify their fucking nasty ass selves when answering the phone and just say “Hello?”

OP I hate vague email subjects too, and even worse ones with no subject at all!

I also hate people who press enter

when approaching the end of a line of text,

when they write emails instead of letting the

fucking word processor text wrapping function do it's fucking job!

My boss, who is old, but not ancient, continues to do this and it annoys the shit out of me. Its like reading poetry, but it's just his stupid email. His emails end up being wayyy longer than they need to be because he types like he is using carriage return on a typewriter.

R2 I had an old boss who kept a desktop tower from approx 1997 under his desk "just in case he needed it someday"

I have a woman I get a lot of work from (so I have to play nice) and in most respects she's great, but every email subject is "hey". I usually change it when I reply.

People who hit “reply all” EVERY FUCKING TIME.

Co-workers who haven't kept up with tech, thereby pissing off everybody else.

People who send you an email and then appear beside your desk five minutes later asking you if you got the email.

People who expect you to read email before 11am.

A woman in my office would ask "Are you busy?" I finally said "What is it that you want."

Several one-sentence emails in a row, instead of several sentences in one email.

[quote]People who send you an email and then appear beside your desk five minutes later asking you if you got the email.

Or, at the other end of the spectrum, people who are oblivious to the email they receive, leading to conversations like this:

HER: Where's that document you were going to get for me?

ME: I emailed it to you two days ago.

HER: Well, that's no good. I don't look at email until Friday.

And, her tone implied "How STUPID of you to think I'd have seen it." Oddly enough, she manages to stay employed.

R9 that's beyond idiotic. What if something is time sensitive?

Asking me what I'd charge you when I ask you the budget

And r9 why is it people like that never seem to get fired?

[quote]beyond idiotic. What if something is time sensitive?

Hi, R10. I wondered the same thing, but didn't bother asking. This woman has myriad quirks and crotchets to her personality. so it's possible that her regular contacts just work around the weirdness. God knows why!

My assumption about people like R9’s coworker: They’re either sleeping with someone important or they have dirt on someone important.

[quote]This woman has myriad quirks and crotchets to her personality. so it's possible that her regular contacts just work around the weirdness. God knows why!

She continues to have “quirks” because other people allow her to get away with that bullshit. Report the nasty skank to management and HR at once. Nothing can be done about the stupid bitch if no one complains about her.

People who, when you are asked to fix something on their computer, lead you to their computer and proceed to sit down in their chair. The same people always ask immediately,, so, why is it broken/not working? will this take long to fix? once you finally pry them out of their chair (in front of the computer) they stand behind you and natter on while watching what you are doing. THEN THEY EAT FOOD OR HARD CANDY.

[quote]Report the nasty skank to management and HR at once.

Luckily, she's not a current coworker. Someone really should deal with her issues, but I'm retired now and don't have to care about her anymore.

People who need you in an office when what you're doing can be done remotely merely so they can bother you to do something that is their responsibility to do own their own.

Also this: "Help me! Help me! Help me!"

A few hours ago I got an invite for a conference call.

It’s tomorrow morning.

One person on the chain is in Berlin. The rest (including the organizer) are on the west coast of the US. The invite is set to EST.

I have a coworker who spends half the day whispering with other people in her cube. A constant stream of sibilant hissing from hell. Just go to the break room and have a fucking normal conversation!

Mother+uckers, i.e., the people who unnecessarily + your boss to email threads. You know.... “for visibility”

PST vs PDT used correctly

The co-workers who irritate the hell out of me are the coffee drinkers, who, by the way have replaced smokers as the most annoying people in the workplace. It used to be that coffee drinkers had only two choices to make: cream or sugar. And it didn't take long to make the decision. Now, they have to have just the right blend of a dozen choices and they take f**king FOREVER to do it. They stand there blocking everything while they prepare their cup of mocha or matcha or latte or whatever. I don't drink the crap and I hate having to wait for them to fix a cup of it.

The older Boomers who should've retired at least a decade ago who are woefully out of date with software and technology and whose attitudes about women, gays and pretty much everything else are stuck in the 80s.

They can afford to retire tomorrow and be comfortable for the rest of their lives, but they're just going to hang on because they have nothing else to do.

My boss who, every time he enters the office (at 2pm) has to make his presence known by yelling out "HELLO!!!" to the entire open office. He will then proceed to fist bump most of the folks around him. He also likes to stay late since he moseys in in the late afternoons and he expects everyone to stay late with him.

The "open office" environment which some asshole thought was a great idea but it is, in fact a horrible situation. I work in editing and have to wear headphones to work so I can clean up audio if I need to and listen for music etc. But the open office has to have music blasting all day long, usually some hip hop autotune crap that the young folks like. Oh, and our floors are all cement so everything echos whenever people talk...which is ALL the time.

The every two weeks "meeting" with my young supervisor who really has nothing to talk about. And I'm the only editor left so it's just me and her in the room and it usually consists of us just shooting the shit.

The "office manager" who is really just the party planner but who keeps turning the air conditioning off because she's cold. In the meantime, I'm going through menopause and am hotter than hell most days, not to mention all the computers that surround me that generate heat. So it will be 100 degrees outside (Los Angeles) and she will set the air to 80 degrees. I will then go turn it down to 73 and a little later, she's up and turning it back to 80. In the meantime, she's planning the next party with Vegan sweets and food and gets butthurt if people don't eat it. We also have a very small table in the kitchen area and god forbid you don't sit with the other people...she will track you down at your desk and ask why you don't want to eat with everyone.

The young girls that my boss flirts with all the time and tells them how nice they look. They giggle like idiots and I often wonder how many of them he invites to threesomes with his "wife" who isn't his wife but he calls her that. He's done this before and the girl quit after he started harassing her constantly via text and phone calls late at night.

Open office plans are just a way to micromanage

Open offices.

I quit office life and went freelance just to avoid them.

I graduated high school and went to college to leave the high school cafeteria behind — not work there 9-12 hours a day as an adult.

The HR department that relies on “keyword software” to send me resumes for a critical position I’m trying to fill in my division because they’re too gosh darn busy to actually look at the resumes themselves. It pains me to know how many promising candidates they must have outright rejected in order to send me resumes from people with no experience with anything but the ability to use jargon like “core competencies,” “onboarding,” “data analytics,” “content marketing,” etc.

Coworkers who are allergic to every fucking thing so everyone in the open plan office has to refrain from any perfume, scented hair products, or spicy food.

Managers who not only don't involve you in project discussions, but when you bring up issues tell you to just be a team player.

Managers who call to check in when you're on bereavement leave, reminding you when a project is due.

HR staff who loudly complain in company all-hands meetings that health insurance usage is way up and that means that premiums are going up next year and benefits will be reduced. And, "Instead of a hip replacement, consider physical therapy first." while looking right at you.

R1 and when you ask if it's 'so and so' they reply with a very aggressive, 'YES'. Well if you answered the call saying your name you wouldn't get asked if it's 'so and so'. Fuckheads.

The 'shout out' group emails and the reply all sycophantic congratulations. Always lots of exclamations and fawning in reply, mostly by women.

People who thinks it's cute to have an out of control email inbox and not get back to people.

The Indian co-worker who spends the bulk of the day talking to their partner or family on the phone.

The boss who assigns you to a project—or at least the part of the project that requires actual work (research, writing, etc.)—but neglects to invite you to decision-making meetings related to the project.

Clients that reply to an email with a letter so you are left hanging for their response. You would think they might email reply to say what they intend to do at least.

Officemates who do nothing but complain all day and constantly chew your ear off about their problems. I have one who does it constantly and half the time I want to scream at him “I DONT FUCKING CARE”

Team mates who finish their assignment early and don't offer to help others in the team on theirs. Rather they just sit back looking smug doing nothing or just go home.

[quote] Co-workers who haven't kept up with tech, thereby pissing off everybody else.

I work in academia -- this is essentially everyone around me. See also R24. Fuckers.

Will also add: people who walk up to my desk and begin talking to me while I'm very obviously wearing my LARGE, WHITE DJ headphones that I got for the express purpose of having a clear visual signal of when I was not to be disturbed.

1. I can't hear you, bitch.

2. GTFO

People who walk into my office already talking, not asking if I have a couple of minutes, regardless of whether I am reading or typing or clearly on the phone. Two of my coworkers do this habitually. They are entirely clueless about normal social graces and anything that’s on their mind is in their minds worthy of interruption in any case.

Similarly, people who come into my office to have conversations with one another. WHY??! I used to just simmer but now I tell them to get out.

I hate the expression “If you could ______, that would be great.” Need something? Ask. Keep your passive aggressive directives to yourself, asshole.

I hate the expression, “I don’t disagree.” Either agree or disagree, you spineless piece of shit.

People who bring their personal drama to the workplace, going from person-to-person, telling the same tale of woe but never taking (any, sensible) advice. Bitch, people have work to do and no time for your whining. Call your mother about how you can't live without Trevor, maybe she'll give a shit.

People who have speaker phone conversations in an open floor plan office. Again, other people are working. If you're hard of hearing, they make tools to help you. Inconveniencing everyone trying to work around you is an asshole move.

R40 I actually have significant hearing loss in my left ear and mild hearing loss in the right, and speaking on the phone aggravates the nerve that makes me really uncomfortable and irritable. (People with hearing loss will understand that, but I accept that people who don’t have hearing loss don’t get the connection between nerve irritation and irritability.)

Everyone in my office knows this. They all know I prefer to communicate in writing because of it. Some nevertheless use the phone, even calling and leaving messages and not following up with an email.

That’s a very personalized pet peeve based on personal circumstances, but it’s really irritating. I go out of my way to apologize and explain that despite only being 41, I have severe hearing loss and it’s NOT a thing I pretend to be quirky or to amuse them, and they just completely ignore it.

In person, people I’ve worked with for almost a decade will mumble and I will interrupt them over and over and tell them I CANNOT HEAR YOU! PLEASE DON’T WHISPER! I CAN’T HEAR A SINGLE WORD YOU ARE SAYING! I SEE YOUR LIPS MOVING BUT I HEAR NO SOUND, and they’ll just laugh and keep on whispering.

The bottom line is that most people exist only in their own heads, with their own experiences and are inconsiderate of other people’s experiences.

people who only rely on email to communicate. if it’s important, pick up the phone. or schedule a meeting with me.

I also have a coworker who I love but whose communications are schizophrenic. We will be emailing, and then she will respond to an email on Slack. I’ll respond there, and then she’ll text. Then Facebook messenger, back to Slack, an email, and then my phone will ring. Fortunately, we are friends and I can tell her directly that she’s schizo and that from this point forward, I will only respond to emails.

Sneaking in an extra project by asking me to "help" when, in fact, the expectation is that I'll be doing the entire thing.

My office has a culture of only allowing a couple of executives to actually manage everyone else, but then expecting everyone else to keep all the entry-level people busy and productive without knowing what other work they have going on. In most cases, this has resulted in overburdened young people. At this time, we have one young guy who spends most of his day reading the New York Times and when asked by anyone who isn’t his boss to help with anything, he says he is busy. Then his boss, the VP, chastises middle management people for not keeping the kid busy, and we tell him that the kid always claims to be busy and we have no idea who else he supposedly is doing work for. The VP always says, “I’ll have a talk with him,” but he never does.

So many but clean freak nazis really piss me off. Exhibit A being the annual workplace health and safety when my admittedly decrepit leather bag, slobbily stashed under my desk was called out as a hazard to my safety. When I pointed out that it was physically impossible to fall over a bag under one”s desk the real agenda I.e. imposing the inspectors own hypertrophied sense of order and neatness became readily apparent. Of course I ended up being the one reprimanded. Exhibits b onwards include passive agressive kitchen signs, lengthy self promoting reports at team meetings, cheery good mornings by your co workers on Monday mornings, office chit chat about recipes and tv talent shows and much much more.

Long winded emails drive me insane. Most emails are supposed to be concise and brief. I have one colleague who writes bulky paragraphs to make a simple point. Ugh. Also, there are a couple coworkers who use their work email account for EVERYTHING. They use it for Amazon, Target, Facebook stuff, you name it. They are the ones constantly saying "I never got the email." Bullshit. You have 1,200 emails in your inbox and most of them are from Kohl's, Bath & Body Works, Pinterest or Domino's Pizza. MY EMAIL I sent you got lost in the trash dump that is your inbox. I could NEVER deal with that level of chaos with my email.

You know, I am so glad I retired last year! All that shit is behind me.

You sound like a professional person, R41. Thank you for sharing your perspective with me. I needed to read something like that.

One time I was asked to do my superior's job when he was away for a week and his secretary had a real attitude about it, resenting me taking over and not hiding her feelings. Seeing this I promoted someone else to her position and said the secretary was not needed, effectively firing her for the week. Naturally she was pissed but I told her she had created the problem for herself. I hadn't asked to do the job but I wasn't going to have to put up with someone making it harder for me for no good reason.

Going with R4, people who unnecessarily CC in 30 people on e-mails. I get at least 150 a day and I would say ... 100 of them are bullshit that I delete because they have nothing to do with me.

[quote]I hate the expression “If you could ______, that would be great.” Need something? Ask. Keep your passive aggressive directives to yourself, asshole

Yes, bringing personal problems into the workplace is extremely annoying. I'm sorry you're about to get a divorce but honestly I really couldn't give a fuck. I have work to do, dammit!

When people have outdated or malfunctioning software causing attachments to be unviewable or render improperly, but ask you to re-send them. (I guarantee, the problem is on your end and will persist until you fix it.)

Ooh...r54. I just realized this week I'm one of those people you're talking about. My version of Office (2010) is not compatible with those of someone I was suddenly asked to do a project for. I think she uses Office Online.

In a second, unrelated project, I was able to access the university's Power Point online, and could create a much better version of a slide show I originally started in PP 2010.

Long story short, what should I do? Get a new computer with the latest Office? Does it make sense to rent it by the year? (It's more expensive that way, but I wouldn't find myself in this situation, perhaps.)

TIA.

[quote]Long winded emails drive me insane. Most emails are supposed to be concise and brief. [bold]I have one colleague who writes bulky paragraphs to make a simple point.[/bold] Ugh. Also, there are a couple coworkers who use their work email account for EVERYTHING. They use it for Amazon, Target, Facebook stuff, you name it. They are the ones constantly saying "I never got the email." Bullshit. You have 1,200 emails in your inbox and most of them are from Kohl's, Bath & Body Works, Pinterest or Domino's Pizza. MY EMAIL I sent you got lost in the trash dump that is your inbox. I could NEVER deal with that level of chaos with my email.

You mean like this one, r47.

People who have bluffed their way into a position they have no ability to fulfill.

I just worked with someone like this. He was incredibly lazy but fantastic at looking busy. He was one of the worst co-workers I’ve ever experienced. How he hasn’t been fired from every job he has is beyond me.

Wedding showers and baby showers should be abolished from the workplace. I'm surprised that in the extremely PC times we live in that the constant extortion of collecting money for these things hasn't yet resulted in some massive lawsuit that subsequently has all employers banning them. No I do not want to contribute $10 to buy two high chairs for someone who I may have crossed paths with once in the hallway who is having twins.

R55, if you're working on software versions older than those of your colleagues, it's your responsibility to upgrade (not their responsibility to down-save documents to accommodate you). If you frequently find yourself a version or more behind the people you work with, just subscribe and let the software auto-update. You likely don't need to get a new computer unless it too is very old and outdated.

Office 365 is $7 a month. Anyone with a professional job should be able to afford that.

People that say "I'm too busy" and then they tell you why. They also tell the next person who asks and the one after that. They also track how many emails they haven't answered and tell everyone how many. This goes on all day, every day. No wonder they have no time. I answer all my emails every day and return all phone calls. I also have twice as many projects as everyone else.

Another personal peeve are messy offices. Very much a time waster because they can't find anything and the paper keeps stacking up. Do they want to give the impression they are very busy? Probably. But what it really says is that they are messy people. (Yes, my office is so clean that people walk by and ask if anyone is using the office. But I like it that way.)

You probably shit neatly packaged stools and have no need to wipe, r61.

[quote] People that say "I'm too busy" and then they tell you why.

[quote]I also have twice as many projects as everyone else.

You sound like a delight!

Thank you, r59 and r60. I have access to Office 365 via the university where I am taking one class. I was able to use that version of PP to create a much better presentation than I had created in PP 2010.

However, I'm working on something completely separate, and having nothing to do with the university, and that project opens in the sender's version of Word, in which I am unable to access "track changes." I believe that may be because my version of Word is 2010. But I do have the Office 365 on my computer. When I googled it, and clicked www.office.com open, it went directly to the university's copy that's on my computer.

I'm all for updating, and I thought I had done so, courtesy of the U. Do you have any ideas why I can't use "track changes"?

I do appreciate your help, both of you.

I'm using Windows 7, FWIW.

I have a coworker who could have written R61’s post:

It’s funny because she complains about all the same things—she complains about people who say they are busy. She also always complains about how busy she is...when she’s in the office. She works three days a week, reliably—and no more. (She’s the HR director.)

She criticizes people for being messy and disorganized, which to her means not using file folders for everything. But she misplaces or deletes everything and regularly runs around asking all of us if we have X document because she can’t find it. My office looks like a mess—but people come to me for things they can’t find and I usually have whatever it is on hand. As she scuttles around asking people for things she can’t find (usually something she sent to us months or even years before), she demands that we look for that thing because SHE IS VERY BUSY and needs it IMMEDIATELY. The thing she misplaced suddenly becomes everyone else’s emergency.

Her office looks very neat and tidy. She tells people it’s rude to say they are busy because it suggests other people are not busy. And she works just over half time and makes a huge salary because she has been here forever; she never has the shit she needs, and everything she criticizes about other people is a projection of her personal shortcomings.

I don’t care that much. It annoys me when she barges in and tells me she needs something she can’t find immediately. But everyone is messy in their own ways and I mostly roll with it without too much drama. But because she is so histrionic and attention seeking and finger pointing (and manages HR!), almost all my colleagues hate her for these qualities and for never being here or having on hand what’s needed.

But her office looks very tidy! Lots of file folders!

[quote]She works three days a week, reliably—and no more. (She’s the HR director.)

OF COURSE she's the HR director! What else with that kind of schedule?

Clients who want a job done "right away", ahead of all my other clients, who then complain about being charged a higher rate for making their assignment a top priority.

R67 It’s like the old adage about good, fast, and cheap: you get two out of three.

R62 You are correct because I make sure to have sufficient fiber in my diet. I can make a roll of toilet paper (single ply) last a month.

R65 I never complain to my co-workers or criticize them about anything I wrote above. I have no file folders. Documents that I need to keep are scanned and uploaded to my home directory. I never have had the need ask anyone for a document. I'll confess to one flaw (or maybe it isn't a flaw), I never delete any of my emails and rarely file them in subfolders. I'm glad to be available when people want to stop by to chat or need help. I never make my problem someone else's problem.

Men who take a newspaper with them on the way to the bathroom. Wtf?

I thought r69 was the thread's Prissiest Sissy, but then I read r70.

I'm no expert on Word, R64, but you might try downloading the file to your desktop, then opening it from the desktop and resaving it in the latest version of Word. You can do that with the "Save As" command.

Who are all these people who can download any version of software or use online tools like an individual version of Office 365? We are locked the fuck down at work, in terms of tools that we can use to open or upload documents, spreadsheets, etc.

R65 I used to work with a guy who did that! Took great pride in his organizational skills (gotta keep that email inbox tidy!) but was constantly running to me to dig up emails and other important documents he had already deleted. The last time he tried it, i reminded him that I’m not his secretary and that I’m not going to drop what I’m doing to find stuff he should have saved.

I have a coworker friend who says “a lack of preparation on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.”

I stayed at the office until 8:00 a couple of nights ago because she hadn’t prepared for her deadline and she ended up with an emergency.

(Which is OK. No one is perfect.)

"Funny" HR emails. The hi-larious witticisms and "profound" quotes in their signature lines.

The "morale boosting" efforts of HR's halloween costume contests, cubicle decorating contests, and trying to get "teams" to "compete" for some stupid prize.

What is it with HR staff's' love of bold, underline, capitalized, or italicized text? Do they get in trouble if they write

"Annual reviews are due by December 30" instead of

"Supervisors [italic]must[/italic] complete ANNUAL REVIEWS by [bold]December 30[/bold]?"

[quote]The "morale boosting" efforts of HR's halloween costume contests, cubicle decorating contests, and trying to get "teams" to "compete" for some stupid prize.

Wouldn't you just love to tell them "sorry cunts, I'm too busy WORKING to do any of that horseshit."

People who eat at their desks all day, every day, no matter what the fuck it is or who is around. I don't want to smell or hear you, you fucking sow at the trough.

Bonus points for the ones who eat hot food. Thanks asshole, now the whole office has to smell your Chinese garlic and broccoli chicken.

Women in a corporate office who insist on discussing their personal lives/marital problems at work and getting involved in others' personal lives/inquiring about them/making comments. I was once responsible for auditing these witches' work, never allowed personal feelings to affect my work and refused to involve H.R.

What's wrong with people who don't understand that business offices are for performing assigned duties, not talking with coworkers and socializing? My circumstances involved millions of dollars and public safety. When people don't have their minds 100% on their work, errors are certain to occur. I'm curious if this is an American problem or if it occurs elsewhere?

When the aerobic instructor before me doesn't rewind the casette tape in the boombox.

Two words: "Please advise."

'kind regards'

When my clinically depressed manager dumps loads of her own work on me so she is free to spend the day talking about her problems to her work buddy, taking a 2.5 hour lunch, and experimenting with light therapy in her office.

R3 Change it to "heyyyy girrrrlll heyyyy"

Fatties who set the thermostat to Antarctica.

Please do the needful.

And Indians (Indian-born and arrogant) in the workplace in general.

R76 the rigorous party and contest-planning process must be why HR has no time to read resumes!

If your personal email is some kind of wordplay or personal joke (like mine is), don't use it for work. I hate having to hunt for someone's contact because their email is dethbanger42. Make a fucking gmail with your name.

r89 I can't believe people still do that.

People who say they need to talk but don’t give you any kind of context

Anorexics who set the thermostat to Ethiopia.

People who adjust the thermostat for the entire office based on their own body temperature.

You know why you're cold? It's because you're dressed like a total whore and it's the middle of december. Oh now you're too hot? It's because the three gallons of coffee you just sucked back raised your body temperature. Here's a solution: bring something you can take on and off as the day goes by, like a jacket. Stop alternatively freezing everyone out or making them sweat their assess off every 20 minutes.

Asses*

If it’s not an actual emergency and you’re not someone I hang out with, don’t text me.

If that's the way you've gone through life, r95, I have a hard time believing that's something you've ever had to deal with.

I've seen that as well R82, and I suspect it is an Indian (India) thing. The person is trying to be polite, but to me it comes across as "answer me now motherfucker".

R96 unfortunately it’s a side effect of having my cell in my email signature. I deal with it but I don’t like it.

R82/R97 what’s your preferred way to ask for an answer? I typically only bust out the PA if I’ve asked multiple times and haven’t gotten an answer.

I can only speak from my experience R99, but the "please advise" is, in my experience, used from e-mail # 1. Even when I have to investigate, and then point out, QA's shitty QA or test parameters. At my company, if anything doesn't line up with their testing/QA (which I have NO input), they go back to me and say, "XXX is not as expected, please advise".

I only wish my answer could be, "learn how to design a fucking test bed rather than making me do your job. I listed parameters on the requirements. If you choose not to follow them in any way, shape, or form, fuck you."

I've been at my job too long.

R92 Fatties who set the thermostat to Antarctica. I have to wear sweaters and keep a space heater under my desk when it is 100 degrees outside.

Along with "please advise," I hate "thoughts?" I want to say: "Here's a thought. Analyze this situation yourself and send me a cogent recommendation. I do not wish to do your work for you."

All the socializing bullshit. I was so grateful when the Boomer women and their potlucks and endless, pointless, obligatory celebrations started retiring from the workforce. Now HR wants management to provide more social events and team-building opportunities because Gen Y and Z, male and female, want a more social work experience. Kill me now.

R103 = Bitter Gen Xer

The tech-phobic Boomers whose knowledge stopped with Windows XP and expect everyone else to do everything for them.

Intergenerational whining. Just stop. All of you.

R106 Get off my lawn!

I had a co-worker email me a question about page number placement today.

When I answered his question, he wrote back and said “I don’t want to spend too much time on page numbers.”

Me either, asshole. Why the fuck did you ask me about it then?

FRAU ALERT