I get the one on one pronouns thing.... but what about large groups?

The whole problem with "they" is that it's plural and therefore confusing. It also puts an unnecessary burden on the speaker, hence the backlash. It's a shame English doesn't have the equivalent of the French "on" or German "man." Maybe we should just use "one" instead of "they," but that doesn't quite work either.

Just curious, does any DLer know someone who identifies as non-binary "they" in real life? What do "they" do if you misgender them? Will they take offense and correct you immediately?

I can’t imagine this being a thing outside of the ivory-tower, fantasy world of academia. Normal people don’t give a fuck about the preferred pronouns of people they barely know.

What's the big deal with the pronoun thing in conversations? You still use "you" all the time.

R3. I've interviewed several people who identify as "they" in my line of work, and they've always been lovely people. In my experience as long as you're being respectful, they are too. I've never been corrected. It's more a conversation about where they're coming from.

r3 in academia, I have several "they" colleagues.

The truth? We hardly ever (people in general) have reason to use a person's pronouns when they're (heh) present.

When discussing the "they/themers" without them present, we just revert to their birth sex usually.

If they're MtF or FtM, we generally use the correct pronoun when they're not present. Easier than "they/them"

I also think "they/themers" are more narcissistic than MtF or FtM.

It's essentially a way to control people, even when they're not present.

R3 I have a non-binary cousin, and at one point I had a non-binary coworker. Both generic women with pixie cuts.

Luckily, since you never actually use pronouns to someone's face I've never "misgendered" either of them and it's all gone pretty smoothly.

However, what tends to happen with the identity crowd is they recruit "allies" who operate more as their enforcers who defend their pronouns when they (ha!) aren't present. Coworker would get word immediately from her spies if she was being spoken of as female by her colleagues. If you want a shrill reprimanding you can call my cousin "she" or her birth name in front of her mother.

I know one in real life who works as a librarian. Some of her coworkers were saying "she" and "her" and she did not correct them, yet on Facebook about half her posts are "Don't call me she! I am not a girl!!!!" So I don't know what's going on there.

I was recently banned from a website for calling Sam Smith "he." I personally think most of the non-binary crowd are just attention whores who want to feel like they are special and unique. Also to seem more interesting than they really are. That or just plain old mental illness.

It's only a little more difficult than remembering that Mike wants to be called Michael or you should never call Jennifer just Jen. These are personal courtesies and some of you who claim to be all about manners sound like ungenerous cunts.

Honestly, it's harder to call someone Dr. Smith when you know that doctorate is in education or political science.

Common courtesy works two ways. No one should be asked to use bad grammar and be accused of being uncourteous if one doesn’t chose to do so.

It's not about bad grammar for me, r12.

It's the mental energy required to remember so many different pronouns -- esp. because people I know keep changing them

Really. Having they/them or zie/xir pronouns does not make you special. You're actually rather exhausting.

Outside Twitter or a close romantic relationship, most people don't care about the minutiae of your identity

It is also about bad grammar if you are asked to say “They is having a bad day.”

The problem with they/themselves is when you get to themselves.

He did it himself.

She did it herself.

Each person did it themselves. That sounds odd. And of course there is no word themself.