Eureka, DLers! I found possibly the worst gay romance ever published!

(part two)

Aaron almost dies in a hospital, then we endure more lengthy descriptions of Aaron's planes, his cars, his financial worth, doled out by Aaron's mother, which Doug refuses to accept if Aaron dies, despite his will including him! How noble!

All this is rounded off by a special celebrity dinner with Ina Garten! Yes, the portly chef serves up a special dinner for the two lovers and they become the best of friends!

M.H. Sebastian has penned a truly awful jumble of words and barely literate sentences that unintentionally induce amusement and a touch of pity. If you love to hate-read truly terrible fiction, 'Barstowe: A Life with Aaron' will make your day, or give you a headache. "Bona Petite!" (sic)

Oh, and there's a sequel.

(I've linked to the Goodreads page to show the original book cover, a trite overused stock photo featuring a retired porn actor; perfect!)

The (doubtless equally awful) sequel is languishing in no-review Hell on Amazon, with yet another stock image featuring that adorable retired porn actor.

Author Sebastian's rambling bio serves an example of the quality of his writing:

M. H. (Michael) Sebastian was born in Atoka, Oklahoma. His father, now deceased, was a physician and surgeon. His mother is a retired nurse. His parents divorced when he was six years old which took him to Tulsa to live with his mother and siblings with his grandparents. His mother quickly got remarried to her high school sweetheart who was in the navy which took the newly hybrid family to Jacksonville Florida where M. H. lived through his sixth grade year. He and his siblings would travel back to Oklahoma to spend every summer and every other Christmas with his father. His stepfather got transferred to New Jersey for his seventh and eighth grade years before another transfer that took him to Michigan where his mother said "no way" and returned with children to Mannford, a small town near Tulsa, Oklahoma. His mother’s second marriage did not survive the separation. M. H. then attended his four years of high school in Mannford before attending college at Oklahoma State University where he earned a degree in Business Management. During college he bartended at the world famous "Eskimo Joes" and continued in food service management after graduation for a total of fourteen years before working in insurance for another twelve years.

M. H. Sebastian is now a freelance author of both eBooks and print editions. His first novel titled "BARSTOWE ~ A Life with Aaron" was inspired and written shortly after the United States Supreme Court decision ruling that same sex marriage now be legal in all fifty of the United States of America. This "BARSTOWE" novel is also part one of a trilogy. Fictional stories seem to flow so freely at times that he was able to complete the first "BARSTOWE" in about thirty hours from start to finish; though many more hours were put into the book's editing. M. H. is currently working on his fourth, fifth and six novels all at various stages and has several more concepts already planned.

The precipitous for his becoming an author and starting a writing career came about after a very unusual set of insurance career circumstances. He was a top performing adjuster for one of the nation's top five insurance companies, was highly paid and had received, not one, but two superior service awards based upon customer experience before being terminated a few weeks later for no reason whatsoever. M. H. attributes his swift termination to the fact that upper management found out that he was gay combined with the fact that he and was the highest paid adjuster in his department, in fact earning more than most supervisors. Once some unusual workplace oddities started to arise, Mr. Sebastian spoke to an attorney who predicted, in advance, that he was being targeting for termination in such a manner as to let him go as "services no longer required" in an "employment at will" state. It should be of note that employers love to set up shop in Oklahoma because the courts and laws are extremely pro-employer and very much anti-employee.

This tedious bit of his insurance history is important because working as he did in liability, subrogation, total loss and as a claim file auditor helped him to hone some writing skills with his experience in those departments. In addition, he often had to deal with client attorneys wherein he would have to carefully draft letters in response to most attorney request for information. While this is boring in and of itself, it is relevant experience that helped to prepare him for a writing career.

M. H. resides in Norman, Oklahoma with his husband of 17+ years who happens to be an attorney and fully supports M. H. in his career as an author. The couple plan to leave the ultra-conservative state of Oklahoma as soon as his husband retires. They would like to end up in Colorado or the Pacific Northwest.

I am so uncomfortable right now.

That’s not writing. That’s typing.

Blabbity blabbity blab.

"Bona Petite!"

Yikes!!!!!!! Who is the audience for this novel?

I’d be will to wager that M. H. Sebastian has THE most piss-elegant guest toilet in all of greater Norman, Oklahoma.

That's what I found so astounding, R7. Who wants to read such tripe? I got a copy free at work (we have a weekly stack of rejected review copies) and found it so astoundingly awful; self-published, of course. He's self-published a few other books; doubtless he was too bashful to ask his husband "who happens to be a lawyer" to pay a few bucks for a proofreader.

And his website will make your eyes burn!

Is it set in lovely Barstow?

This could be another Logo/Hallmark collaboration.

OMG I don't know what was more painful - the synopsis of the book or the autobiographical sketch. I don't think the man ever set foot in a basic English class, never mind in a creative writing class. I have to wash my eyes out now with some beautifully written sentences of Andrew Holleran.

It . . . it reads like the story of our lives!

It's a true DataLounge fantasy cum true, typos and all!

I can't believe he admitted he wrote the whole thing in 30 hours.

It's exquisite!

50 Shades of LAME!

Yikes, that website is awful r9.

Please, please, please tell me the author is a woman! No gay would sink that low to publish this utter garbage.

Damn you R17 ! Damn you to hell ! Ive got coffee all over my keyboard now!

[quote]As you can see, the book is rife with hilarious typos,

In all fairness, typing with one hand is a bitch.

I used to volunteer in a gay book store back in the day and tons of this shit was sent free and unsolicited. There's is a little known market for this. Eldergays would come in and get it. One particular eldergay would always insist it was for a homebound even more elderly gay friend. Hilarious.

Did he actually use the words "total top" and "mutilated"?

I'll bet M.H. Sebastian is a woman.

Dear God, I hope the Frau author doesn't blame her bad writing on Datalounge.

Even the author bio is way too over-the-top.

Wow. Four 5-star reviews. This must be AWESOME.

Ha! Look at the lack of reviews on Goodreads. The one 5-star review is from the author himself.

Methinks a woman wrote this.

No dears. This is a man. See the bio at his Amazon page. No one could or would dare to write such a gratingly tedious over-written bio. The photo! Classic cat-hoarding nerd and possible sociopath.

IMHO the "bio" shows the same fictional genius as the book itself, and the author is a housewife who is proud of once having held a cube-hell office job.

It's self-published, right?

I've never grasped what Goodreads is about.

It's a reader-focused website, where fans use books as a topic of discussion; a lot of pontificators and pretentious wannabes writing reviews as if they were important.

I'm curious what the Very Serious Literary reviewers wrote for Twilight...

I know someone exactly like the author. They are the househusband of a better-off guy and usually think they are smarter than they actually are. They want to do something so they can say they are (x) so they don't sound like a houseboy at parties or to relatives.

The guy I know self-published a children's book, too, and then started calling himself an "author". But he and his boyfriend were the abs/Ibiza/White Party types so his real focus was looking good/being arm candy on the next gay cruise.

I've read manuscripts as a freelance job and I can assure you the worst type of gay romance comes from slash/boy love young adult novels, a sub-genre of YA written by women about gay lovers. Love Simon is what happens when this genre works. The worst examples are all over Wattpad.

But he was a star insurance agent!

This is great literature! We gave copies to all our grooms at our fabulous wedding!

Truly inspirational.

Wonderful! I'd devour this. Obviously the author is a DLer.

I'd actually be amused if DLs made this a surprise hit book. Be sure to read with a red pencil. The 1000s of typos alone are part of the fun.

"Bona Petite!"

Self published I suppose. One of those vanity presses. So is this author much published with a body of work?

R42, see the link at R9. I wouldn't call it a body of work so much as a small pile of corpses.

Damn it, OP! I hate spoilers!

Sooooooo, who's the porn star in the stock photo?

Eric Hanson

Oh god, this review of one of his other novelz, "Damaged Goods" (especially the last paragraph! Lol!)

To say that Damaged Goods was nearly the book that defeated me would be an understatement. Even from 10% into the story, I was dreading continuing. I even considered leaving Damaged Goods as a DNF. I resolved to read on to 30%, which then became 50%, and eventually I finished.

The copy of M.H. Sebastian’s book I had was supposed to be clean, but it was littered throughout with typos, missing speech marks, and had frustrating changes of tense, even within the same paragraph. Being a proofreader, I understand how easy it is for mistakes to be missed, but the number Damaged Goods contained was one of the reasons I was unable to completely engage with the story.

Damaged Goods may well fall into the erotic category but, for the most part, I felt like I was reading the script for a cheesy porn movie. I have nothing against sex within novels, although I do prefer this to be an organic part of the plot. In Damaged Goods, the sex replaces any character development and I felt the idea of Jason and Toby talking about “love” was unbelievable. In my opinion, terms like “hot protein injections,” “probing tool,” “creme de Toby,” and “jerk sauce” did not appeal to me at all!

What is Bona Petite? Dont tell me its Bon Appetit!

You bitches are TOO CRUEL! Can’t you see this is my heart’s blood. I bleed when I write! Sometimes Ieven cry and poop my pants a little! Shame on you!

Well, R47, having only read his first tome, it's reassuring to see his work is at least consistent.

Some here are insisting this was secretly published by a woman and I seriously doubt that's the case. The "mutilated" part is a dead giveaway. Sure, women usually have a preference when it comes to foreskin based on what they've been most used to seeing in bed when they were teenagers and young adults (see: awkward foreskin jokes in American movies written by women), but that preference is rarely expressed in a way that outright shits on cut guys and circumcision itself.

Also the gun thing and the STDs and the long description of oral. Fraus into gay romance simply don't write fiction that way. This is the gay gaze through and through.

Picking up on an earlier comment, Gio and Tommi must commission him to write their love story to guaranteed the depth it deserves.

Along with your adept intuitive sleuthing, R51, there's also that photo of him.

[quote]I'll bet M.H. Sebastian is a woman.

And one that frequents DL, to boot.

No, with that many typos, he'd be shunned from DL by an army of "Oh, dear"s.

He certainly has gayface in that author photo.

It may not be good writing, but it's my fantasy.

Are their shadows if not nightmares to the tale? GRID? Soiled hairloom (sic) quilts?

Oh god. He tweets.

Well he's no Jackie Susann, that's for sure

I think someone needs to do a little investigation ... I think M.H. Sebastian may be a pseudonym for ...

Chasten Buttigieg!

Thank you for subjecting yourself to this, OP.

There! THAT wasn't so good, was it?

Well, he certainly did that.

It was originally titled "Barstool" but the typsetter misheard.

Eric Hanson is dreamy. This is from a few years ago, but still...

I’m trying to understand why you’d question the author’s biography. You’re implying some thought went into creating a pseudonym. For this literary output. Most likely dictated into phone between vapes.

He hardly seems the smoking type.

It’s the vape-as-wand performance I’ve seen at coffee shops and barbershops.

WTF are you on about with vapes?

He clearly typed it naked with a cuck chastity cock ring on, naked in a basement, while his hugely hung millionaire 'lovah' tormented him by withholding sex until he wrote to his master's complete satisfaction!

I’m sorry but this is all fantastic. I enjoyed the wild left turn into his employment history in his bio, while also enjoying his pride in his Oklahoma roots by describing a shooting on his front lawn.

I want this to be made into a series. How would they be able to translate the typos to a visual medium though? You really need them in there to capture the overall feel of the book series.

On his protagonist’s lawn*

Sounds like a gay version of Belinda Blinked.

Yikes. The author's pic is as awful as his writing.

I bought the Kindle version. The hard copy takes “1 to 3 months” to ship from Amazon (?). Even the Introduction is promising:

“I would like to anonymously dedicate this novel to my husband, known to the family as “Fooper,” who has supported me for the last fifteen years in every way conceivable; emotionally, spiritually and physically.”

I skimmed through this entire thread without seeing any reference to "Gordon Merrick.," who wrote a successful series of similar novels back in the the 1970s. His first big hit was "The Lord Won't Mind." One of the main characters was a Mammy type servant to the gay couple who said "If it's love, the Lord won't mind."

Merrcik was a failed Broadway actor who later became a minor journalist/reporter before becoming a NYT best listed author with his series of openly gay novels.

Thanks for the review, OP. It was hilarious, and gave me a genuine and much-needed belly laugh this morning.

That website triggered my eye twitch.

But do they find........”the prostate”?

I run a gay book club. Seriously thinking about using this book next.

There’s a market. Not a big market, but a market. Most now self-published on the slash forums and on Amazon. About 50% of gay romantic fiction is penned by fraus and baby-fraus.

I used to work as a student in a chain bookshop and was astounded at the frau market for Mills & Boon romances. Every month 14 new titles would be released, and on that Monday you’d have these housewives come in and purchase the entire block — about a foot of pulp reading.

Eldergays would come in and ask for nothing else but Tales Of The City or The Front Runner. It was depressing. We also sold the long forgotten Gordon Merrick pulp titles which this guy was probably raised on — novels full of rich big dicked (strictly circumcised) stern faced men who stand by the edge of log cabin lakes at sunset and pledge eternal manly love for evah and evah.

R76, see R16 (and subsequently R81).

Oh I forgot one other author. The eldergays also came in for Mary Renault. Especially The Persian Boy. Hellenic pederasty for soggy caftans.

Someone gave me a Mary Renault book recently - The Charioteer. I had never heard of her. I really tried, but I couldn't get into it at all.

My new name is Bona Petite. I want to live with it and make it mine. Here is my tale: I was born in the small Italian town of Smurfa, off the coast of Haliban. I experienced a wonderful childhood until the devastating earthquate that devoured my family, leaving me alone and moneyless at the age of 14. I will write more later...

At least somebody is still reading, R81.

Having edited friends work I can say I've had to fix a shit ton of mistakes like those of the author. That said you can only depend on auto-correct part of the time. Otherwise you end up with the doozies in the authors trilogy.

You could do with a bit of self-editing, R87. Apostrophes are your seemingly absent friend. I trust you offered your services gratis.

R76, compared to M.H. Sebastian, Gordon Merrick is Pulitzer material.

the over involved descriptions the author uses are hysterically funny

[quote] [R76], compared to M.H. Sebastian, Gordon Merrick is Pulitzer material.

Absolutely. I found Merrick in my mid 20s and totally loved the few novels I read from him. Yes they're trashy when compared to Dostoyevsky (or so I presume since I've never read Dostoyevsky) but he knew how to tell a story. I must admit I learned from my older sister to read her Harlequin novels in my early teens which probably makes it easier for me to like authors like Merrick. BTW, I used to be so embarrassed about the Harlequin thing. When my best friend (a het guy) came to visit while I was reading my sister would shout a warning so I had time to hide the book. I was already bullied at school for being a girly boy and people knowing I read Harlequins would've destroyed me. A neighborhood girl told me that his buff and manly father also read the Harlequins in secret, which made me wonder how many straight men are actualy reading them. I myself stopped when I was 16 or so, which is probably why I totally clicked with Merrick when I found him like 10 years later. Not surprisingly I've been an avid Nifty reader since the early 90s, and occasionally still find great stuff from there and GayAuthors.org. BTW, some of the best short stories at Nifty have been by women which totally blew my mind when I found out.

[quote]Eric Hanson is dreamy. This is from a few years ago, but still...

Well isn't he gorgeous. I'd never heard of him before but R46's pic made my heart yearn since he's totally my type. Then again I guess he was everyone's type when young and beautiful. And still super hot in R66. If he's a carpenter now I can only imagine how weird/hot it is for the client to suddenly realize who's the hottie working in their living room. --- Scratch that, quick googling tells that he's been acting as an extra in mainstream tv shows and the pic at R66 is from the set of America's Most Wanted.

I didn't make it through the synopsis so I'm obviously not the audience for this one.

R59 -

Not a speck of light is showing

“But my reviews are slowly growing...”

Are the fires of Hell a-glowing

Is the grisly reaper mowing?

Yes! My reviews are slowly growing

For the rowers keep on rowing

And they’re certainly not showing

Any signs that they are slowing!

[Quote] In my opinion, terms like “hot protein injections,” “probing tool,” “creme de Toby,” and “jerk sauce” did not appeal to me at all!

[Quote] “I would like to anonymously dedicate this novel to my husband, known to the family as “Fooper,” who has supported me for the last fifteen years in every way conceivable; emotionally, spiritually and physically.”

Absolute gold 🤣

I’m still in chapter one.

[quote] I placed my left arm behind him, around the small of his back, and my right arm under his thighs, shoving my face as hard as I could into his hot, steamy crotch forcing his dick as far as I could deep into my throat.  I managed to go all the way down to where my nose was buried into his perfectly groomed short hairs. With my nose balls-deep into his nether region, I could smell the sweetness of his taint; it was very light and pleasant, not stenchy like a lot of guys.

lmao

"not stenchy like a lot of guys"

The author should write a prequel about his 'stenchy' days before he met the man of his dreams.

In his defense, it is really difficult to write good sex scenes.

That's even worst than the bodice rippers my sister reads.

In the cover, which one is supposed to be Aaron?

Would have appreciated a spoiler alert.

r94 he used the phrase “to where?”

that’s worse than all the other grammatical sins combined.

The author's summary of the sequel reminds me of some reviewer who said of Jacqueline Susann's books, "Well, quite a lot happens."

[quote]CHRONICLES THE CONTINUING STORY OF THE PASSIONATE LOVE AND LIVES OF AARON BARSTOWE AND DOUGLAS CHANNING. AS THEIR JOURNEY CONTINUES, THEY ARE MET WITH YET ANOTHER TRAGEDY INVOLVING AARON’S MOTHER WHICH BEGINS TO CONSUME THEM AS THEY ARE DRAWN INTO THE DRAMA THAT COMES WITH IT ALL THE WHILE HAVING TO BALANCE THAT WITH TAKING CARE OF THEIR NEWLY ADOPTED DAUGHTER AMANDA. HOWEVER, AS THAT CHAPTER IS DRAWN TO A CLOSE FOR MS. BARSTOWE, AARON AND DOUG RETURN TO THEIR HOME AND DAUGHTER MAKING AN ENORMOUS EFFORT TO START LIVING A MORE NORMAL, LESS EXTRAVAGANT LIFE SO THAT THEY CAN INSTILL CERTAIN VALUES IN AMANDA WHO ALSO COMES TO A NEW REVELATION ABOUT HER OWN LIFE AFTER SHE STARTS HER JUNIOR YEAR AT A NEW HIGH SCHOOL. MAKING A NEW START FOR HER JUNIOR YEAR BRINGS WITH IT ANOTHER WHOLE SET OF ISSUES; NEW FRIENDS AND NEW CHALLENGES. UNFORTUNATELY WHATEVER CURSE FOLLOWS AARON AND DOUG WORKED ITS WAY INTO AMANDA’S LIFE AS WELL. SO READ ON AS YOUR HEARTSTRINGS GET TUGGED IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

ALL CAPS and add a kid. Sold!

[quote]I placed my left arm behind him, around the small of his back, and my right arm under his thighs, shoving my face as hard as I could into his hot, steamy crotch forcing his dick as far as I could deep into my throat. I managed to go all the way down to where my nose was buried into his perfectly groomed short hairs. With my nose balls-deep into his nether region, I could smell the sweetness of his taint; it was very light and pleasant, not stenchy like a lot of guys.

I don't think he knows where the taint is located.

[quote] who has supported me for the last fifteen years in every way conceivable; emotionally, spiritually and physically.”

And, most importantly, financially.

I have to purchase this book, just for the evocative use of the word stenchy,

His $upportive $pecial boyfriend was able to afford hiring someone to publish a Portuguese translation of his other, uh, novel, "Damaged Goods" with a salaciously tawdry cover.

If you'd like to read other fun novels of the same quality, try "Empress Theresa" by Norman Boutin as well as anything written by YouTuber Onision.

There’s no way this author is a man.

the author looks special needs in his photo. wtf kind of pic is that?

If you want to see something skincrawling, watch this obsessed Mr Robot fan read his gay erotica to Rami Malek, who to his credit, tries to laugh it off.

Stay on topic, R111. Our inept author's got plenty of freakshow goin' on.

R94 I was considering getting this, but wtf? They have non-stenchy sex in chapter 1? Then what the hell is rest of the book for?

"Bona Petite!"

I found my drag name.

[quote] was astounded at the frau market for Mills & Boon romances. Every month 14 new titles would be released,

I’ve never read a Mills & Boon though I’ve seen plenty of them around. Are they any better, with a standard of their genre, since they are from a publishing house and not self published?

I guess all you need is self-confidence. I've started and stopped writing so many things because I thought they sucked (and they did.) If you don't have that filter, you can change the world with your descriptions of non-stenchy sex.

R102, wow @ all of that. Why on earth would they adopt a high school junior? I guess the problem with writing a couple where everything is perfect is that you need to figure out somewhere else for the conflict to come from.

All gay fantasy is about straight-acting guys.

OP thank you, made me laugh so hard! I thought Doug would turn out to be a woman in the end since his dick is non existent in the story

[quote]"Everytime (sic) we make love naturally, I'm putting my life and health in your hands and it's beautiful."

Doug, you in danger, gurl

This demands an audiobook, voiced by...? suggestions?

R120 all our “fav” DL closet cases. A few chapters for all of them? Henry Cavill and Froy& Richard for example.

R120 all our “fav” DL closet cases. A few chapters for all of them? Henry Cavill and Froy& Richard for example.

I don't see a problem with the book. I don't see much these days, though.

Reminded me of this.

Why does this remind me of the thread by the guy who needed to tell his boyfriend he had no writing talent?

That story was missing a little something, frankly.

What’s that saying about if a hundred monkeys pounded on a hundred typewriters, eventually one would come up with “King Lear?”

Well, this seems like what they came up with instead.

R120 Harvey Fierstein

[quote]R31 IMHO the "bio" shows the same fictional genius as the book itself, and the author is a housewife who is proud of once having held a cube-hell office job.

Why do you want to blame this horrible-sounding book on a woman? Are you the archetypal pissy queen who sees women as competition?

You must have fathomless Mommie Issues.

R120 Gilbert Gottfried

R130 His voice would take all of the romance and sensuality out of the non-stenchy sex.

[quote]Doug moves in with Aaron and they have sex with mostly Aaron thrusting his enormous cock into Doug, who seems to have no male genitalia, as he never describes his own dick, not once.

I'm still shocked I didn't write this novel, because it seriously sounds like my fantasy, from a total top who doesn't touch my dick right down to a man who loves Jesus.

[quote]I can't believe he admitted he wrote the whole thing in 30 hours.

How many boxes of Kleenex did he need?

Amazon doesnt have the Kindle edition.

Perhaps his other stellar tomes may provide you with literary succor...

[Quote] "DAMAGED GOODS" is about a man who graduates from high school & starts peeking out from within his closet doors having his 1st gay experience with someone unexpected. He goes to college & finds a straight friend for sex. After the 1st year of college, their friendship grows closer after an event that will change the course of their lives. Questions of friendship & love encircle the two men as they journey forward. Peril, adversity, hardship & misfortune constantly bombard them up to a breaking point. With an unusual & non-traditional love growing for each other, are the bonds strong enough to see them through? Even though things remain fairly the same sexually, during the spring semester of their third year at school another life altering event occurs for these two young men; this one with effects that may very well come between them. Will they bounce back? Can they survive this latest tragedy? Or will having become Damaged Goods be too much for anyone to survive?

Sounds like a real winner.

Has anyone seen the author in the same room as Brendad Ickson?

Maybe somebody knows the answer to this, but my first thought is "author = female." The MM/gay romance genre is FULL of women authors (excepting the increasingly large percentage who are transitioning into 'gay men' themselves--yes this phenomenon is real and is baffling). For the last couple years I've been an active reader in this genre and, in my experience, the ratio of 'female' (woman and trans men) to 'male' (assumedly 100% gay, why would a straight man write gay romance?) authors is almost 300 to 1.

I'm surprised no one has linked to his twitter which suggests that Sebastian is a pen name for a MAN--the pic is him and his bf. The one on Amazon looks like a stock male photo.

It was linked already, Rose.

Yes, but no mention of the alter ego status.

I need the kindle edition. He had an Amazon giveaway for it but now it’s not for sale

a classic!

This kind of cheap, tawdry SHIT is what makes this site worth a visit!

A paperback novel. The kind the drug store sells.

Thanks, Datalounge. I had to take out my contacts, that website started to melt the contacts in my eyes. However, I knew a man named Gunner when I was working in NYC.

I remember this thread. It is hilarious. The authoress. Has a man. Who pays for him. Remember that when you complain about being single.

Oh shit.

No prizes for guessing who wrote the obit. Hint: I think it can only have been written before the subject's demise. How did you find it, R148?

I just googled Michael McClendon and Oklahoma.

Damn. Was it the covid?

I hope it wasn’t suicide in a fit of despair at discovering this thread.

Charles and Sebastian 2017.

[quote] He was a man of God and lived basic Christian tenets of taking care of those in need.

Particularly his fictional hubby, who needed a wet eager hole for his immense veiny uncut erect penis.

Sounds amazing!

Was it the AIDS, big time? That's how gay men always buy the flowerpot in these stupid little novels.

[quote] he was able to complete the first "BARSTOWE" in about thirty hours from start to finish; though many more hours were put into the book's editing.

ion even know what to say... :/

R136 here’s some useless trivia: the same title is shared by a shitty romance-drama short made for a festival in the mid-2000s, starring Vincent Larusso aka Banksy/‘Cake-Eater’ of D!sney MIGHTY DUCKS hockey movies playing the troubled male lead.

Eldergay meets hung, rich, sexy total top and services him constantly. This novel is my fantasy.

Bona Petite!

If his husband ever sees this, I'm sorry for your loss (and hopeful the conclusion of the Barstowe trilogy will be published posthumously).

I would like to see site members make a DL audiobook of this novel. It could so much to exaggerate the intonations. Once Muriel gets back from reha... I mean, vacation, she should consider starting the ball rolling with audtions from audio clips submitted online.

Surely we have a gravelly voice actor amongst us!

Six months before his death, his boyfriend posted on FB, "This year I'm working to prevent suicide among men....Suicide prevention is probably the most rarely talked about, but most urgent, problem facing men today. Please help."

It's pretty obvious that our author suffered from depression and had the further misfortune of stumbling upon this vile pit of trollery.

[quote]David had a vast intellect and could teach himself virtually anything. He had a particular love for cars and working on them, boats, and planes. One of his cars won best in its class twice at competition. David's talents also ranged from being a sharp debater to producing a beautiful tenor voice. He authored several books, created jewelry from gem stones he collected, painted, played piano by ear, cooked like a chef, collected coins, and had excellent marksman skills that were supported by his gun collection. David also enjoyed hockey, and cultivated many friends around the sport. He and Matthew once visited Britain and France. David particularly loved Scotland and London. David was at home in any environment due to his hunger to learn and be a part of life. This allowed him to gain many friends.

A Renaissance man, to be sure.

[R165], after reading that excerpt I threw up a little bit in my mouth. Now I can't stop giggling.

I can see a cast of DLers on a blank stage with the book in their hands and mics, just reading the parts. A narrator with a theatrical nuanced voice to set the scenes. It would be sensational.

[quote] our author suffered from depression and had the further misfortune of stumbling upon this vile pit of trollery.

We’re still hilarious!

This thread certainly took a strange turn.

In a way it's a classic DL thread.

Love that we’re major players in this story.

Haven’t been this deliriously tickled and joyous to be linked to a trauma since Kuhn ran over his own toddler son in his Jeep while trying to lift a soundbar from Walmart because he was trying to impress the sub.

You had to be there, but trust me it was one of the greatest days in internet history.

"Stenchy". LMAO

OMG, I totally forgot about this thread and poor Mike’s literary confection.