In a professional setting, do you signal to other gay men that you’re gay

I can't imagine he'd care.

Signal? Are you in the 1950s, OP?

I carry this with me to all office meetings.

I do usually make a joke or reference that signals to other gays that I am. I think people find it comforting that there are other gays in the room.

I know my black friends give a nod to other black people.

I present hole

I loudly shriek "Mary!" when I meet them, making sure to be within earshot of at least 20 colleagues.

Caftan. Earrings.

When a gay walks into my company, they already know I’m gay because I’ve likely fucked him already

I hiss if I disagree with something said in a professional setting. This usually signals to the other gays in the room I'm one of them without any of the straights picking up on it.

R8 is a whore, darling

My thin muslin caftan (often moistened by my hole) , my gold earrings, and my loud exclamations of "YUM!"when hot delivery men come to the office make it pretty clear to everyone.

I couldn’t give a fuck about who among the people with whom I work is gay and who isn’t. I just want to work with good, honest and talented people. I don’t want to fuck them.

No. People, despite OP's lack of '?', he asked a question. You need to answer 'yes' or 'no'. It would have made it easier, probably, if he'd included a poll with is question, which all of you have missed.

R8 Also sounds like he's somewhere on the narcissism-psychopathy spectrum.

[quote] People, despite OP's lack of '?', he asked a question. You need to answer 'yes' or 'no'.

We do not have to do

[bold] A N Y T H I N G [/bold]

whatsoever, Little Miss Bossybritches,

We can and will do exactly as we please.

Don't like it? Too bad!

You will obey R15. Resistance is futile. However your special needs are noted (writing in capital letters, either crazy or drunk!).

[quote] writing in capital letters, either crazy or drunk!).

Neither.

Just making it very clear for you, because you seem very slow.

"You need to, do you hear me? You have to, yes or no, and nothing else! I demand it! OP asked a question, and you will respond yes or no! You WILL!!!"

You faggots don't get the question, simply because you don't see the '?'. Dumb (or crazy or drunk).

R3, This works every time.

Yes, r19 has a YUGE brain, just like Trump. And who are you calling faggot, you cunt?

R21 is the Faggot-in-Chief.

Since my workplace is a nest of vipers I do not need to give anyone extra ammunition against me.

r22=your garden-variety gash.

Here's a six-pack for R24, yessir.

I don’t think anyone would ever mistake me for straight.

I’m too bubbly.

R26 What makes you think you're bubbly? You type flat.

No, op. Gays hate each other at work. If they r nice to you, thats a red flag.

I don't discuss my personal life, incl sex, at work. It's not professional. Leave that shit to the secretaries and other bottom feeders.

I would just say to him, “Hey, girlfriend!”

That should do it.

Yes, but do it subtly. Not only do I feel a bit more comfortable in the company of other gay men (and this is not about attraction at all but about shared experiences), I also tend to support gay professionals more.

There is one thing to keep in mind, however; if there is any sexual attraction between you at all, think twice unless you are willing to put out.

FFS, do straight people let each other know they like the opposite sex? Your question asked 'In a professional setting,' which would denote professionalism, so no, it's not appropriate or necessary to let someone know your sexual orientation. You're not going to fuck them on the boardroom table.

No. It isn’t professional, and it’s never relevant in a professional setting. Since I am perpetually single, there is no way to work my personal (non-existent) romantic life into a conversation, nor would I want to in the setting OP describes.

No ... why would you do that? I'm pretty sure your visitor is aware that there are other gay men in the organization. He might even resent it. Some of us actually dislike that "hey, paisan!" business that a few gay men feel obliged to do, as though the fact that we both like to sleep with men makes us BFFs.

I would be offended if I went to your workplace and you made a point of introducing yourself as gay like me. I don't talk about my sexuality or private life at work, i'm out but there's no need to yell it from the rooftops. It's called being professional.

Ask him if he knows Vivian Vance

My team leader is gay and the less I have to do with him the better. The guy is basically a 14 year old girl in a 35 year old mans body. He irritates the shit out of me, with his attention seeking and running over to the "attractive" (whore) girl in the office for approval and gossip. He leers over any guy under 25, including myself. He is touchy and gets in your space and brags about being nasty whilst coming out with shite insults and then gets offended when you remind him of his age and how ugly he is. Almost no one can stand him and the only reason he became a team leader was because he stuck around long enough. Thank fuck I only have one more week left before I got back to college and never have to see his slimy face again.

Reminds me of Kathy Griffin's book. She was in some new work (TV or movie, can't remember) situation and thought the producer was gay and talked to him as though he was gay - all the gay talk, probably "gurlfriend" - eye-rolls, stuff like that. Turned out he was straight.

No OP. But there's nothing wrong with letting him know how and why you support his leadership style. The fact that he's meeting everyone 1 on 1 is a good sign that he's an effective manager. But, don't signal anything other than professionalism.

I don't, OP. I don't know what the correct attitude is, tbh. I will say that I am happy at a company, when that's the case. Usually the attitudes are smart and open when I end up saying this.

I have had two gay bosses in my career (and both while I was still in the closet). They were both extraordinary, the best bosses I’ve ever had. Full of empathy, understanding, and willingness of mentor and support. Now that I’m a boss, I try to act like they did towards me.

The worst bosses I’ve ever had were childless women.

Nothing wrong with it; if a straight person went to the same university as him, you can be sure that would have been brought up.

And if this person is more senior, it would have been completely appropriate to grab a minute to try to talk about professional advancement as a gay man.

I had a boss, a childless woman who was a bitch on wheels. She had a child and became a human being. I swear. I was flabbergasted.

"and then gets offended when you remind him of his age and how ugly he is."

You don't sound very charming yourself, r37.

If you talk to another gay person in the office the majority of straight people will start rumours and make comments about you fucking etc. So because of dumb straight people you have to distance yourself from other gay men at work.

Where do you work, r45? Time to get a different job.

I wouldn't recommend it. Didn't work for me. I was in advertising.....but it was a long time ago...maybe things have changed

I casually mention my husband

[quote]FFS, do straight people let each other know they like the opposite sex?

Actually my boss, the comptroller of the corporation, tells everyone he meets that he has a foot fetish and has a photo of Quentin Tarantino on the wall in his office. Here’s how I usually meet with him to ask him for a raise ....

In the British Queer as Folk, Stuart wore a small AIDS badge and in the next scene they were shagging in the loos.

As a gay business owner, I don’t particularly want to know anything about the personal lives of my employees. Nor do I need affirmation of their support for me. We have an objective... and my job is to keep all of us moving forward towards that objective, and give my employees what they need to accomplish their jobs.

[quote]In a professional setting, do you signal to other gay men

You lost me at those last two words. When would I ever come into contact with gay men in a professional setting? Then again, I've only been working for a financial services company in New York City for the past 21 years, so maybe I'm in the wrong location, or haven't waited long enough.

There is one gay phrase that every gay worldwide knows. I will sidle up to another gay man and in my best Elaine Stritch voice, I will say, "Does anyone still wear a hat?" and each and every time the other gay says, "I'll drink to that." Then we cackle like schoolgirls who have just put a tampon on the desk of our 75 year old teacher.

r53 well this gay has no idea what you're talking about

How old are you, r54? Let me help you.

OP just say a few words I'm sure lots of purses will fall out.

Someone wanting to know if I was gay asked me if I'd seen the visiting Kylie costume exhibition.

I wouldn’t say anything directly. What about wearing something fashion forward or getting a manicure? Or wear some subtle jewelry. A noticeable fragrance. A very casual mention of where you vacation. These are all things that tip me off. And there’s always gaydar...

The oldest trick: “My *partner* and I...” (neon sign, hint, hint hint!)

The art of subtlety, the skill of a geisha...I mean, come on guys, what do you think they did in the old days?!

I always ask a very pointed question, "Are you a friend of Senator Lindsay Graham?"

You rip open the seam of the trousers at the rear end. If they are not wearing underwear you have your answer. And maybe no job as well but that's only if they are indeed wearing underwear.

As a signal, I try to make at least one reference to Ida Lupino in each meeting.

I always start the conversation by saying "Vivian Vance could have played many roles in her lifetime."

Yep, I say : HOE, LET'S SEE YOUR ASS!

"Did you see this week's episode of Bait Bus? Lord, have mercy!"

The minute my lesbian-bisexual boss said "Brighton", I shut her off. I'm not about to fuck a woman ten years my senior who thinks being a lawyer is "cool" and has not read anything beyond Pride & Prejudice.

Is that a British thing R65?

What is the significance of saying "Brighton"?

Isn't it just a recently trendy seaside town in commuting distance of London? Has it become a big gay scene?

R62 Or, "Vivian Vance could've played me in a movie of my life!"

R66 - Yes to all of that - a simple Google search would have told you that.

And Brighton's gay scene isn't all that. It's more of a depressed, rundown seaside town with a few gay bars. I think there used to be more - just like every gay scene had more venues years ago.

Ask to see a picture of his crotch-fruit.

I always get on Grindr to see if he’s on. This actually worked a couple years ago. There was a hot new chiropractor in the clinic and I never imagined he’d be gay. I opened the app and whatdoya know.....16 feet away from me!! I asked him to lunch the next week and we have become friends (both bottoms)

I'm still lost as to why saying "Brighton" turned you off R68

Was she trying to brag that she was hip and trendy by saying "Brighton"? Is it UK gay shorthand for a certain type of gay?

R70, Both being bottoms rules out sexual contact between the two of you entirely?

That's ridiculous.

When it's hot out, instead of a motorised desk fan I use office stationary concertina-folded to fan myself as I roll my eyes and groan to myself. Seems to do the trick.

Don't even bother, r72. Gay male sex life is ruled by the top/bottom stratification (and this has had disastrous effect on my sex life since I'm not into anal).

[quote] Some of us actually dislike that "hey, paisan!" business that a few gay men feel obliged to do, as though the fact that we both like to sleep with men makes us BFFs.

How do you manage to sleep with men when you've got that enormous stick jammed up your ass?

Find some other way to suck up OP.

Yes.

I pull my cock out.

I also would like to know more about "Brighton."

And are you the lawyer or is she?

And why are you so hostile?

Yeah I'm not getting the Brighton thing either but the poster feels we are too stupid to explain it to.

R72 - I only enjoy being penetrated orally and anally so it just wouldn’t have worked. My favorite boyfriend was a total top and I won’t settle for anything less. I just can’t get turned on by a “versatile” dude. May seem silly, but I’m in my 40s and know what I want.

I commend the eldergay who reasonably responded to the poster who did not understand the hat reference. I would have slapped that ignoramus silly.

r80

Are you single long?

R82 - the “total top” moved 1500 miles away 2 years ago and I’ve been single since. I fear I’ll never find anyone else with his size and stamina.

I show them my tramp stamp: "Welcome US Navy."

R83 Go to Brighton.

I flounce into a room singing this.

Brighton is the gayest city in the UK. It would be like an American gay or lesbian before the tech boom dropping a reference to San Francisco.

Only if I could get something out of it, otherwise I keep it professional.

I once had a gay boss who was a complete asshole. He was also an alcoholic

It seems to me managers should know their place.

I am a bodybuilder so when I am alone with him, I ask him to give me advice on my posing routine. Since I wear my posers under my business attire, I am always prepared for a posing display.

That sounds practical, r91.

R83

On Jan. 1, 1914, the world's first scheduledpassenger airline service took off, operating between St. Petersburg and Tampa, Fla. The St. Petersburg-Tampa Airboat Line was a short-lived endeavor — only four months — but it paved the way for today's daily transcontinental flights.

R45 I have never experienced this. You must work in a shitty place.

I lift my schedule of Federal holidays that’s pinned to the wall of my cubicle to reveal the glory hole underneath.

I would walk up to him and say, "I saw your Pride photos on Facebook. Gurlina, you looked fierce with those nipple clamps!"

I also do this to straight men who piss me off in the office.

He already knows your a homo. I think it’s hilarious when younger gay men think no one knows. Honey, we can tell in 10 minutes or less, and we are all talking about it.

Most gays and most females know already. They have gaydar.

All women gossip about all men in the office behind their back.

You just need to casually mention Elaine Stritch.

R99 - not if he’s under 60....that reference will be lost on him.

Mary, he can tell you’re gay from outer space!

OP, Quote a line of dialogue from "Mildred Pierce".

"Signalling" your sexual preference in any professional setting is risky. This can easily be taken as sexual harassment.

Depends: is he hot?

I wear a small pair of castanets and loudly clap them in front of men I perceive to be gay.

Be wary of identifying yourself. The new CFO at my company in New York City was gay and I wondered if I should let him know about me, but I didn’t need to…

He invited the two consultants who were installing the new ERP finance system to his apartment for dinner. There, he introduced them to his husband and gave them a tour of his apartment. Apparently, he said something to them like “Don’t think that anyone else in the company has an apartment as fabulous as this. They couldn’t afford to live a lifestyle as luxurious as ours.”

The consultants (who I had been working with for months) demurely replied with something like “Well actually Gary and his husband have a beautiful brownstone a few blocks from here with a view of the harbor…”

The consultants told me the story the next day. And just as they described, the CFO was a complete asshole. I’m so glad I didn’t reach out to him.

r12 Same, I don't care about the sexuality of others, I just try to do my job well.

R106 Great story.

R106 - how much did your brownstone cost?

R109 our brownstone cost $70K in 1982. My parents gave us the money for the downpayment. We spent 10 years renovating it.

R110 - 70,000!!!! Amazing! Can I ask what it would sell for today?

R111 the home next door sold 2 years ago for $3.25M (with 5 bids over asking price).

Black people have the “nod.” We have the lip-moistening.

R112 - OMG you hit the real estate lottery

[quote]r51 As a gay business owner, I don’t particularly want to know anything about the personal lives of my employees.

So basically, you have no interest, or investment, in them as human beings?

They're just cogs?

R106 Do people really talk like that? “Don’t think that anyone else in the company has an apartment as fabulous as this. They couldn’t afford to live a lifestyle as luxurious as ours.”

Bad reality tv; also tacky and classless! Ok, maybe that was redundant...

Usually I try to be subtle like asking "Who did those incredible high-lights in your hair ? I just love that shade of blonde ! Is it Starlet's Kiss by Roux ?"

I have ridiculously bad gaydar, so guys that I suspect might be gay I would never make any kind of comment to assuming they are gay or overtly indicating I am because chances are they are straight. It's a shame as there are a few guys where I work that I think could be gay and I would quite like to have more gay friends and acquaintances but I just can't overcome the social anxiety.

I can tell from the references of Ida Lupino, Vivian Vance, Elaine Stritch and Mildred Pierce most posters on here retired or should have a loooong time ago.

I sass and backtalk

I have my two favorite co-workers Duane and Dane back me up while doing a motivational dance routine.

[quote]I can tell from the references of Ida Lupino, Vivian Vance, Elaine Stritch and Mildred Pierce most posters on here retired or should have a loooong time ago.

Ida and Vivian were excellent performers. Why should we ignore great historical performances?

R122 - we need to ignore these references so that we can move on.

Yes OP via my Skype status

[quote]we need to ignore these references so that we can move on. —Can’t live in the past

Unfortunately, we have to look back because we have no one as talented as them performing today. Tell me what actress currently could pull this off?

Every time I see this header all I can think of is some swishy eldergay going up to the COO and saying "here's the Palmer report sweetie. We gurls have got to stick together. And check out the buns on Raul in shipping. Mamma's mussy is wet, wet wet from that one"

R84 I should think a Navy tattoo in general would suffice.

R98, then how do you explain the success of boybands? Or Liberace, for that matter?

There are some jobs where you want to just get in and out, and not deal with anyone at all. And some people (often unhappy bitches) want it always to be this way.

For the most part, though, employees like to be seen and treated as full human beings, with individual lives. This makes them happier in the workplace, and they have better health and productivity.

If you spend 40 hours a week in a workplace, that’s a huge chunk of your life. It’s good to feel you can be yourself, while still being professional, during it.

R125 I hate to tell you this but though you and I might consider that talent the majority of people today who want entertainment do not. They want smutty sitcoms and tentpole comic strip movies. That's talent to them and us fossils have to accept it. And R119 you clearly are one of us if you know who those people are.

Yes, i wasn’t commenting on the quality of the references just the age of them.

Young professionals today won’t get them.

I know the references and wish I was was retired. A loooong time ago.

I find this move, when done outside of the view of anyone but the other gay effectively messages my sexual orientation.

I just give them a special look and ask if they're a friend of Dorothy's.

I ask if they're a friend of Muriel's.

[Quote] not if he’s under 60....that reference will be lost on him.

Yes, because only people over 60 know "30 Rock."

OK with someone at your pay level... still, you can get sexual harassment complaints... otherwise...