If Little House On The Prairie or The Waltons were being filmed in 2019

Explicit sex

The Ingalls would belong to a militia.

Mary Ellen and Ms Beadle would have to be trans

SJWs would write angry thinkpieces for the Huffington Post about how whitewashed and non-inclusive the shows are, and how racist the real Ingalls family was.

There would be an episode where the whole clan went to a Trump rally.

R5 it wouldn't be set in present day, just filmed!

Too late, OP the barn door has been opened!

Lots of CGI

Mary would have the most Instagram followers. Caroline would have a YT Cooking channel because Ma cooks the best everything.

Theme songs by the Lumineers and Mumford and Sons

John Boy would be his porn name.

Jim-Bob would be on Grindr using Prep dutifully.

Meth.

Caroline would be fretting about work/life balance.

Albert gets addicted to meth

uh, we DO have the waltons and little house on the prairie people FOR REAL in our midst!....

Laura and Nellie would get a room already and scissor out their differences.

Grandpa is finally brought to justice for diddling little boys decades ago.

Very special episodes about opioid addiction.

Yes, meth. A lot more meth and despair.

Grandma Walton moved to Wilton Manors where she dispenses sage advise to young drag queens.

Grandpa Walton and Grandma Walton would have come out as gay/lesbian.

Corabeth would organize a Walton's Mountain P-Flag.

The Baldwin Sisters would be making meth and calling it Papa's recipe.

John would be giving the big one to Corabeth.

None of them would be going to church.

John-Boy would be addressed as his preferred name, John-Person. Ze would write erotic fan fiction instead of short stories to get into the college of zir choice.

Caroline would leave Pa for Hester Sue. They would form a women's collective out of the Mercantile with Mrs. Olesen. But that would end when Mx Beadle (the trans Miss Beadle mentioned above) would complain to the authorities in St. Paul that they were TERFs.

I’ll play by the rules OP - the male cast members in your picture would have more period correct hair - not because they care more about accuracy today, but because depression era cuts are back in style.

Grandma is an old homophobe

John and John Boy would be headliners at Family Dick.

Harriet would wear a MAGA hat and would rat all the American Natives to the authorities to have them sent from where they are. The irony would not be lost on Nels.

Grandpa would be trans.

Adam and Mary would become militant blind separatists after losing their baby in the fire at the School for the Blind. They would also sue Albert for accidentally burning it down and killing the baby. He would have to return to Mankato to peddle his ass on the streets of that godforsaken metropolis in order to pay them for damages.

Nellie would fully convert to Judaism after marrying Percival, and they would both embrace Orthodoxy. They would start their own synagogue in Sleepy Eye, and Nellie would cover her hair. Mrs. Olesen would hardly notice because she would be so busy taking Nancy to tons of therapy for her sociopathy, which would be properly diagnosed.

Mr. Garvey, freed at last by his wife's death, would be free to admit that he is actually a bear, and he and Mr. Edwards (his otter) would fall in love and run their own bear-themed bed and breakfast in Walnut Grove called Fur Real.

Pa and Ma would explore the possibility of an open marriage. It would be Pa’s idea because he wants to fuck around, but once Ma gets going, he’s jealous and calls it off.

Ma was such a bland character.

On a big 3 network or HBO?

If HBO, full frontal nudity and tons of gore would be added to both.

It would be like "The Boys." Ma would use heat vision to kill Mrs. Oleson when she annoyed her.

More anal

In a season cliffhanger it would be revealed that John was been rendered infertile from childhood chickenpox and all Livvy's children were actually fathered by horny old Zeb.

Albert would join Ancestry DNA and find out that Pa Ingalls really is his father.

Carrie would join a cult that tries to take over the USA.

Nels would be using Grindr on trips to Mankato.

Harriet would host a shopping show on QVC.

I'll tell you one thing--Michael Learned would not have to put "Miss" in front of her name in the credits!

Everyone would just assume she was an MTF particularly successful at passing.

It would be titled “Parenthood”.

There would be more black characters than just Hester Sue. The writers would mine history for actual examples of freeman families that went out west as settlers and incorporate them into the show.

Albert would be Asian.

All the women in Walnut Grove would have Botox...and a few of the men

It would be almost identical to Duck Dynasty.

More episodes about women being subservient, episodes about "confirmed bachelors" and "spinster aunts," episodes about "migrants."

In a very special two-parter, after Manly starts eyeing Ms Beadle's big-titted gf, Laura gets implants but her body rejects the falsies and she almost dies at home, alone, after dropping her phone in the toilet while trying to call Doc Baker.

Pa's organic spelt and kamut crops are threatened by Mrs. Oleson's use of Round-Up on her new garden plot, just uphill from Pa's field. But things get even more serious when Carrie, Grace and Willie are all diagnosed with ASD. Is it all related?

Ma tries to sell her eggs through Oleson's online merchantile, but it turns out she's too old and barren and her eggs are no good and Mrs. Oleson tears her to shreds in the comments section.

I would leave it to the writers to work out the details, but Melissa Gilbert's shitbra would be a running bit of business throughout the series.

More Huffpost thinkpieces on why it's misogynistic to call the Oleson women "bitches." They're strong, powerful women who speak their mind, and they don't deserve gendered insults.

MAGA hats and meth all around!

I would hope that hair styles and make-up would be more period appropriate.

The Ingalls would now have some kind of health insurance that would allow them to take Carrie into Mankato weekly for speech therapy.

After accidentally selling the blind school on Love It Or List It: Godless Mankato, Mary and Adam move in temporarily with Nellie and Percival in Walnut Grove, working as a valet and lady's maid for the Daltons. Hilarity ensues when Mary tries to pin Nellie's cameo brooch to her own forehead. Even though this episode features her, Mary has only three lines, and one of them is "Pa..." She is shown only as a non-speaking townsperson for the rest of the season. In the B story, Ma has another stillborn baby.

Old Mr. Hansen turns the sawmill into bathhouse and Albert gets a job as a towel boy. When Mrs. Oleson voices her disgust in her YouTube show, "Harriet's Happenings", and the business is destroyed, Pa, Mr. Edwards, Mr. Garvey, Nels and Reverend Alden form a boy band to raise money for the rebuild. But will Albert's asshole survive? Elsewhere, Carrie gets hoof-and-mouth disease.

R51-LOL

R51 Oh Carrie, I told you it was to early to invent Jello!

Albert and Willie would have their Skype sex sessions hacked and spread out to the entire school.

The role of Olivia Walton would be played by Viola Davis.

John Boy needs to be played by FROY

Pa will get a sex change and shack up with Mr. Edwards with Albert as their coked up sex toy.

You guys are killing me. I’m laughing so hard.

R56 I’m so for this, especially if they change his name to Froy Boy and make him gay. He was always the sensitive type.

Nellie Oleson would have a murder basement.

One would hope they would do a crossover time travel episode. Oh, and they each have catchy story lyric openings.

Olga would own and rock her limp so much that all the girls in Walnut Grove would be strutting around in cattywampus cha cha heels.

John Boy explains how uncircumcised penises work, using himself as an example.

Grandma Walton (a.k.a. DJ Esther Wisecrone) would run a wildly successful nightlife event in the wicked big city of Richmond for older lesbians called WELL I NEVER IN ALL MY LIFE.

Nellie would be autisc

John Boy's blog entry about Grampa's randy threesomes with the Baldwin sisters, drives Grandma good and mad at that "old fool"---so she bashes in his skull in with the large, wooden, carved dildo he had whittled for her when they were courtin'.

Not sure how film would end. Would she get to meet Betty Broderick?

Laura Bush and -- by hologram -- the late Barbara Bush walk into their house hand hand each of them the keys to a Chevy Suburban

Holy shit, are R30 and R51 the same person? I laughed so hard I think I strained something.

Laura would be played by some bitch who has pics of her guzzling come from three cocks posted on 4-Chan.

I was asked to play both little Elizabeth and Half-Pint, but wisely held out for my star-making role on the greatest 70s family show of all!

Ma's and Pa's strange practice of forcing Carrie to run outside of the covered wagon every week until she fell down on a hillside would be recognized properly as child abuse, and she would be taken away from them. In foster care, her dissociative identity disorder that prompted her to imagine a double of herself to talk with would be properly diagnosed and treated. Baby Grace would also be taken away to the Mayo Clinic so medical science could properly study why she never grew past infancy while her sisters matured normally.

Grieved by the loss of his only daughters who did not secretly hate each other, Pa would be inconsolable until Ma cheered him up by purchasing UnderArmour compression pants for him through the Wells-Fargo catalogue, allowing him to realize his dream of wearing the tightest pants imaginable. He would run off to show them to a delighted Mr. Edwards.

Willie Oleson's whereabouts would be unknown as he left the family in his early 20s and has been estranged from them ever since for reasons unknown...

^Fuck you, Missy Sue at R72. I know that's you.

Will Geer would be out and proud.

Dongs everywhere, a la Euphoria.

Sometimes outhouses were two-seaters -- they had two holes cut side-by-side so you could poop with your brother or schoolfriend. Shenanigans follow. Something about that. Evergreen concept would work for either show.

Do DL HOMOS think the father on the Walton's was doable? I do.

If for the networks, they'd be filmed in Vancouver and feature lots of gray skies and mud puddles.

If for cable, maybe they could manage to keep Mary Ellen out of those designer jeans and permed hair and try and make it more period appropriate at the end.

[quote]Do DL HOMOS think the father on the Walton's was doable? I do.

I worked with him in the early 90s. He was doable even then.

I would think a reboot of these two properties is most likely in the wings. Perhaps Shonda or Ryan at Newflix could put their own spin on it? Shonda needs a hit there, maybe the Waltons are black family who during the Great Migration went to Detroit and are now living in poverty with too many children, but they're a warm happy family with a gay granddad none-the-less. And Ryan's Little House can follow the queering of the story as mentioned by posters above.

R80 - it was called “Good Times.”

R81 From Wikipedia: Florida and James Evans and their three children live at 921 North Gilbert Avenue, apartment 17C, in a housing project in a poor, black neighborhood in inner-city Chicago.

Chicago, not Detroit.

Ma would have a line of Pioneer skillets branded and sold at WalMart, Target and Amazon. Along with salt shakers and chamber pots for those chilly evenings.

OOPS, we have that already!

Earrings.

Caftans.

Robots.

[quote][R80] - it was called “Good Times.”

The Waltons didn't have a sassy black friend that is waiting for the leads to leave so that she can take over as star of the show.

And no, Peggy Rea as Cousin Rose doesn't count.

“I done told you Wiliona, this is James’ and my show!”

“Not so fast, Moma!”

[quote]“I done told you Wiliona, this is James’ and my show!” —— Florida

Wuz your show, Florida. Then you smashed the punchbowl, said the "D" word FIVE times and they let you out of your contract. As soon as you left, we could get on with the real acting. We took down the picture of Jesus, JJ got an interesting job, Thelma starting having sex and Michael came out as gay, all subjects that you wouldn't allow on the show because black people don't do that.

Did Penny & Willona perform a duet of “Movin’ On Up”?

The Baldwin dykes, I mean sisters would grow pot instead of the recipe.

The Dew Drop Inn is a gay bar where Jason plays show tunes.

Was Grandpa Walton really a corn-holer?

Corabeth Godsey would be the HBIC on [italic]The Real Housewives of Walton's Mountain.[/italic]

Melissa Sue Anderson’s character would be buying for Harvey Weinstein’s attention to get her next movie.

Michael Landon’s pedal is dong would be out for everyone to see and we would find out all the boys have been peeping at it while he was skinny-dipping in the pond. Paul caught them in several of them had to pay the price

John boy would be gay. And he was caught jerking off in the movie theater just like pee wee Herman

My apologies I meant pendulous dong

R95

[quote]Was Grandpa Walton really a corn-holer?

The actor who played Grandpa, Will Geer, was a bisexualist in real life. Even though he married a woman, he was lovers with Harry Hay.