The DL Eldergay Institute is now assembling our lesson plans and syllabi

Required viewing.

One must burst into uncontrollable tears once Six Time Tony Winner Miss Audra McDonald reaches the stage.

The most popular course provided is “The History and Influence of FOLLIES: the Greatest Musical of All Time.”

Including such breathless topics as:

- Casting: the Ultimate Guide to all the Rumors.

- How to Recognize if Someone has Really Seen the Original Production, or if they’re Lying. The Telltale Signs.

- Discussion of ALL the Revivals.

-FOLLIES: is it a new religion?

- Class Projects: Design, Orchestrate, Costume!

Every class begins with group chanting of a song from the score, randomly chosen by your Professor. Anyone who doesn’t remember all the lyrics by heart will be expelled.

DL IS ALREADY A COLLECTiON OF THIS!

Stop repeating content here How many Golden Girls threads before it becomes lethal?

I am the millennial listening contently. Wait this isn't a let's be?

Thank you, R1. I needed to see that again.

Please take notes, gaylings.

If you can’t get at least 2 quotes a day from Female Trouble into your everyday conversation you’re probably a heterosexual, with a sick and boring life, who deserves to move to Detroit to be near the auto industry.

Rule 1 of the DLEI Manual of Style: One [bold]ALWAYS[/bold] uses the honorific with lady celebrities of a certain age.

DL cooking 101 Where you will learn how to NOT drain your pasta as well proper lasagna preparation...

Gaylings are required to recite this dialogue by memory and to work allusions into conversation regularly.

Required reading.

There would be an entire seminar devoted to Auntie Mame. (The Rosalind Russell movie, not Lucy's Mame.) This movie covers all the bases if you want to learn how to be a proper gay.

The attached clip shows young Patrick receiving his first lesson from his Auntie Mame.

Gay porn self-deception 401: How to convince yourself the "straight" porn star you've been stalking for the last two years is your make-believe boy friend.

Faculty: Thank you for FINALLY starting to submit your content.

Classes are but a few weeks away and we must memorialize these choices in your syllabi and plans.

I am telling you NOW so I do not have to tell you THEN.

Junior Capstone:

Please be prepared to identify and discuss the best six and a half minutes of the film "Mommie Dearest" (1981).

Career counseling is available in our Guidance Center. We have real life hairdressers, interior decorators, florist and fashion designers for you to help pick which career you would like.

Sara will be holding Vagina Cape Twirling for people of non-color, people of color, people of color fluidity and people of questioning color soon.

PLEASE bring your own capes.

Two semester course. Please go directly to the Book Store and buy "Hollywood Lesbians" by Boze Hadleigh.

For the first class, read the chapter on Capucine. To be ready for class discussion, make sure you know who the fuck she is.

For the second class, read the chapter on Marjorie Main. Required viewing: Ma and Pa Kettle at Waikiki.

Class, please select your picks for team projects.

Ethel Mae Potter: We Never Forgot Her

I Have Sufficient

Ethel's Back Alley Abortion

Vivian Vance!

Enrollment is now open for LGB6: Dark Lesbians.

The History of Disco: Your Gay Heritage

This course is NOT about the music straight people considered "disco," such as the Bee Gees, or the dancing in Saturday Night Fever. This course will cover the real disco music as played in gay dance clubs of the era. Extra credit for learning "The Hustle."

There will be a daily showing of "I Could Go On Singing." Attendance is mandatory.

English class this year will actually be Polari 101.

Professors Julian & Sandy will vada your jolly old eeks if you can troll or mince to the Marine Commando Club, Paddington.

Omies only! No palones!

R23 Farting crackers optional

The Complete Works of Boyd McDonald.

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT:

The Hissing Eldergays: Their History and Music has been delayed because of copyright issues. It seems as though Anthony is being a twat as usual. But that is for another course.

The Golden Girls Course in Interior Design: how to handle an interior floor plan that doesn’t match the exterior.? Wicker, palm leaf prints, peach fabrics, and a giant faux Ming vase!

GAY PARENTING... A SEMINAR ON THE NEXT FRONTIER OF MODERN GAY LIFE

As parenthood becomes more and more common amongst DL’ers of the next generation, come hear from an incredible panel of sage DL experts on how to navigate the sometimes tedious challenges of keeping your little brats on their best behavior.

Join Beth Jarrett, Mrs. Patsy Ramsey formerly of Boulder Colorado, Joan Crawford, Sante Kimes, and special guest lecturer Elizabeth Chambers in the auditorium at Precious Hall.

^^^ Special Guest Moderator, Nancy Grace.

"The Whys and Wherefores of Fabulousness" After reading and intensive discussion of French theories of self-presentation, we will break into "make-up groups" to determine how great we really can look on a budget. A sense of humor will result in immediate expulsion from the course, and the institute.

[quote]Sara will be holding Vagina Cape Twirling for people of non-color, people of color, people of color fluidity and people of questioning color soon. PLEASE bring your own capes.

Vaginas optional.

Our cooking curriculum includes the preparation of cak, graxy, turkey meatballs, and non-event toast. Lab project: design your own margarine fountain.

Please register with our department chair, Soft Butch Sous Chef.

There is a right way and a wrong way to terminate a relationship. Please observe as legendary supermodel Tracy Chambers demonstrates the RIGHT way to end a relationship:

Pssst! If you're thinking of taking R32's cooking class, the extra credit project at the end of the semester is Bread Pudding. Start working on yours NOW!

Enroll now for Designing Women: That Baton Was On FIRE.

And remember to always tell the parents that Kyle Westheimer is, in fact, a bisexual.

History Electives include HIS399: Murderous Fatty on the Lam.

Is the Eldergay Institute a private college charging insane tuition ($30k a year) or free education for all? Are there scholarships available for certain young men and how do they qualify? ;)

[quote] Are there scholarships available for certain young men and how do they qualify? ;)

Silly rabbit!

Happily, the universe’s greatest source of knowledge of the indispensable Helen Lawson’s entire career (not just the tiny fraction detailed in that book) is right here in the Datalounge archives. Bone up, boys. A Helen Lawson anecdote is always welcome among the bright set.

Qualifying young men will be approached privately due to recent adverse publicity surrounding an arrest in NYC.

There will be a class in choosing a fragrance. The choices will be Charlie, British Sterling, Pierre Cardin, Halston and Drakar Noir.

[quote] Drakar Noir.

Oh, dear.

Your fashion choice of wearing your pants below your ass, isn't as charming as you remember it being.

All your class materials will be *printed*, in a locking three ring binder. Hope you know how to use a highlighter and take notes on paper!

R41 Not Charlie. Canoe, but not Charlie.

Cross Disciplinary: Theater Arts 42 and Psychiatry 7: Judy or Barbra? Who was better?

Instructor: Edie Gorme

Note: All students must pass through a metal detector and submit to body searches upon entry.

Psychology 345: Seminar on Self-loathing and Reinforcing Stereotypes As a Substitution for Wit

R46 You have been fired from faculty for not knowing how to properly spell EYDIE GORME.

Get out!

*slap*

lol R48!

I hereby resign.

I can't believe the Institute hasn't approved my class on the study of classic Sci-fi yet. I have a syllabus and everything.

1. Rod Taylor.

a. In tight dress slacks.

b. That's as far as I got really. I'm easily distracted.

Students who are on academic probation for two consecutive semesters will be expelled and forced to matriculate at Trump University.

R51. We’ve heard quite enough about matriculation and other deviant sex acts regarding Trump U, young man.

Wasn't that Epstein fellow caught matriculating at Trump U?

Excuse me, R41, but...

GREY FLANNEL

The Hospitality Training Division will hold the Excuse Me! I *AM* Running a Bed and Breakfast seminar next week.

Stetson

Mrs. Betty Broderick here. I’m teaching a class on how to testify in your own defense in a serious criminal trial. I will also teach you how to advocate for yourself in front of a parole board at a parole hearing. My class will include two special lectures on “What I Would Have Done Differently, Given the Chance.”

My syllabus is almost complete. I apologize, but this is a non-credit course.

Beating retarded brat with car ariel will be an extra curricular activity

[quote]DL cooking 101 Where you will learn how to NOT drain your pasta as well proper lasagna preparation...

Ugh... you people /never/ get this right.

R5 8 I bet I know how to spell "car aerial" correctly, you cow!

All students:

"The Art and History of the Title Card Pivot" is NO LONGER AN ELECTIVE, nor is it pass/fail.

Professors Beacham and Youngfellow will teach the fall sessions. Professor P.S. Martin will conduct the spring.

I'm covering summer sesh!

I'm covering summer sesh!

You must be exhausted, R52/R63, with all that pivoting.

I have something for you to dip your Bugles into.......

Sociology 101.5: How to impress others, make friends and expand your social network.

Instructor: Miss Dominique Devereaux

Psychology 215: Saving Face -- How to Constructively Deal With Rejection, Overcome Personal Setbacks and Effectively Weather Adversity

Instructor(s): The Kids from "Fame"

How to Remove One’s Caftan in an Emergency Situation. One session. Repeatable.

Due to unforeseen circumstances, Jazz Tap 101 with Professor Minnelli has been postponed until tomorrow.

Ding ding ding! We have a winner! Thank you r67!

Melissa Gilbert will be teaching a one-day non-credit seminar: HOW TO SWING A SHIT BRA.

We need more licenses for "Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing Fat" or we won't be able to run a full class.

[quote]DL cooking 101 Where you will learn how to NOT drain your pasta as well proper lasagna preparation...

There should be a separate course for baking

Professor Joan Steffend will again teach Design on a Budget.

Please, regardless of what the syllabus says, do NOT bring in bottles of Yellow Tail for the professor.

Ancient Sumerian Farmwife Life will be taught in the fall, followed by Contemporary Mesopotamian Housewife Life in the spring. Please purchase your required cuneiform tablets and read Chapter One. Class will meet at the downtown ziggurat!

Professor Emeritus Cathy Mitchell will be teaching a one week intensive on Dump Cakes. Seating is limited, so sign up today!

1000 words, students, on the meaning of "MARY!"

Academy Award Winner Miyoshi Umeki will be coming back from the dead to lead a two week intensive course in Japanese.

And every student MUST attend 1001 Uses For Helenesque

Students, please do not miss Ghastly: Racism Through The Eyes of Bunny Bixler.

[quote]Academy Award Winner Miyoshi Umeki will be coming back from the dead to lead a two week intensive course in Japanese.

Please ignore the pussy-mouth motherfucker at R77, who is talking out her goddamn wart-encrusted shithole. I will be teaching a fucking course on the extremely old-ass dog-dick-licking history of cursing in the motherfucking English language!

I'm Cheryl, and I am teaching the course about personal hygiene.

[quote]We need more licenses for "Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing Fat" or we won't be able to run a full class.

Jesus, have you fat whores never heard of software piracy?

P.S.: I still have space in my seminar on "From Christlike to Cunty: How [italic]Survivor[/italic] Taught Me to Be an Amoral Skank."

[quote]We need more licenses for "Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing Fat" or we won't be able to run a full class.

Jesus, have you fat whores never heard of software piracy?

P.S.: I still have space in my seminar on "From Christlike to Cunty: How [italic]Survivor[/italic] Taught Me to Be an Amoral Skank."

GODDAMN DOUBLE POST

Using Bittorrent To Download “Mavis Beacon teaches NOT TYPING IN CAPITALS.”

The College of Performing Arts will have a two-semester intensive in Modern Lesbian Drama (and of course it's an INTENSIVE).

Topics covered in SEM1:

Michfest: An Analysys - The Subaru Forrester as Motif - Soft Butch in the Work of Holland Taylor and Cherry Jones - They Call Her Tig

Topics covered in SEM2:

Rosie

Excuse me! Excuse me! I believe I have the floor!

Will all of you bitches please stop announcing that you pet course or lecture series is mandatory for all students. That is a decision for the Curriculum Committee, and while the committee has not met, I can tell you now that the answer is no.

If you can’t attract student interest on the merits, perhaps you need to rethink your concept.

R87 is telling us NOW so she does not have to tell us THEN

This post reeks of Eldergay. Why are we making them seem important?

R89 because they ARE. You are an ignoramus.

All Home Economics Ph.D candidates must submit their final dissertation on Joan Crawford’s “My Way of Life” by the end of the summer. In September, they must be prepared to defend their work before a panel of caftan-and-earring clad Eldergays seated on hard chairs (soft chairs spread the hips). Candidates will be quizzed on topics including how to color code a dinner party menu, the importance of moisturizer, and why “clothes are people.” They’ll also be required to deliver at least one gracious phrase in the language of a host country selected at random by the panel.

At the end of the session, the successful candidate will receive a handshake from the elegantly-outstretched, silk-gloved hand of the lead examiner. The unsuccessful candidate will receive a vicious bitchslap.

R89... EXPELLED!

R89 is definitely getting the bunk next to Cheryl during the next Datalounge Fallout Shelter thread.

R91 that is hilarious! Thanks

Do they sell Queen Helene products in the school co-op? I’m packing my steamer trunk for the fall semester, and trying to decide whether to pack my QH mint julep mask or extra pencils for dialing rotary phones.

Pencils will be provided. “Product” will not be.

R89 [quote] This post reeks of Eldergay. Why are we making them seem important? [quote]

Because young people are useful only as serving wenches or sex toys. You just failed your entrance exam.

[bold]Public Health Practicum: Hygiene for Twinks, or WASH YOUR NASTY ASS AND FEET[/bold]

Presented by Miss Jasmine Masters, Guest Lecturatrice

The Curriculum Committee has reviewed r98’s proposed instructor and has determined “Ah, HELL NO.” Summer’s Eve? Please.

R99. “Flamebaiting and Trolling 101: Being an Extra Douche”

Those wishing to substitute another lecturer or book for R98 may use Dr. Alexyss.

[quote] ... young people are useful only as serving wenches or sex toys.

You left out lifting. They are good for carrying one's divan up flights of stairs.

A new theater seminar has been added: Why "Follies" Is the Only Musical That Matters.

Meet r87, who will be hosting this summer's symposium on How To State Your Boundaries.

R104 Lateness will not be tolerated.

[quote] Lateness will not be tolerated.

Ha! Ha! Ha! I'll say.

Hello kids, I will be your teacher of social engineering !

Please turn to Chapter One, Page One: Insisting On Cha Cha Heels.....BLACK ONES!

Enrollment has opened for a new section of True Crime 202: How To Stop a Pint-Sized Harlot, with our esteemed professor, Patsy Ramsey (formerly of the University of Colorado at Boulder, CO).

SEMEN-NAR: Memories of an Underage Sister Working the Wharves and Tearooms Between the Great Wars. How a sister kept their hairpins in place while dealing with rough trade and sailors.

INSTRUCTOR: Mrs. Patrick Campbell.

NOTE: Students are advised to wear mackintoshes and protective eyewear, and not sit on the front two rows.

Students and academics will be collaborating at the Eldergay Institute on the most important cultural question of our times:

Why did "Me and My Shadows" not wait to switch Judys from Tammy Blanchard to Judy Davis until AFTER the Meet Me in St. Louis segments?

R111 "Girl, because Judy Davis is the bigger star!" for an A+

Attention, incoming freshmen: the dean of students has arrived and is ready to start your orientation!

I was hoping to see Liberace’s gold caftan.

English, As a Foreign Language E:144 The Dame Olivia de Havilland Lecture Theatre/Theater, Dame Joan Collins Centre/Center for the Performing Arts.

This humourous/humorous course is designed for people of colour/color, people of no colour/color and people with colour/color fluidity.

Students are reminded to bring 2 forms of identification such as their driving licence/license and passport. Failing to bring them will be an offence/offense for which there is no defence/defense. No need to apologise/apologize, if you fail to bring them. We recognise/recognize that not all students will have this form of id when travelling/traveling to the first term/semester....

R114, Dr. Liberace only wears the gold caftan at graduation ceremonies. Study hard and apply yourself and you’ll get to see it in four years.

Oh no! The new sous chef at the campus cafeteria served DRAINED pasta! The SJWs (Spaghetti Justice Warriors) are going NUTS!

There will also be a class on how to watch the Housewives as well as soap operas.

Semper ubi sub ubi.

Professor Soggy Biscuit will be lecturing on How To Pleasure Your Entire Fraternity House.

This will include a practicum, with practice sessions at nearby bathhouses, adult video arcades, and Republican Committee meetings.

I knew a black girl named Syllabi

Reminder: Verificatia upon demand by all senior faculty.

Tuesdays at 9:00 a

Murderers who are "hot" and therefore forgiven

Bare ass spanking punishment for gaylings who disrespect their elders.

R124 Is there an online version?

The DL Eldergay Institute is proud to announce the addition of the course "Naughty Silver Objects in Antiquity" a distinguished series of lectures featuring the fine art of silver making with an eye to appreciating homosexual sex acts whenever they are used in figurative motifs in the silver arts. The course is accompanied by the illustrated text entitled "Fucking Our Way Through the Decorative Arts" by renowned expert Sir Ridgewell Brimbell-Frothybottom III.

fitting, wouldn't you say?

Eldergay Smoking: How the More 120 Won Our Hearts in the 1970s

"Iconography and Social Acceptance Pre-2025"

Exploration of the social fabric of younger gays as their rights were taken away in the Post 2020 election. Discussion groups for IG Idiocy pre-gay ban.

Gayling 101 requires for this class

There WILL be a pop-quiz:

Our new professor!

Supernatural Phenomena on the Great White Way will be an 8 week study of Patti LuPone singing Rainbow High, with a special concentration on the thing she does with the mink wrap, and the hand gesture to dismiss everyone.

[quote]There will be a class in choosing a fragrance. The choices will be Charlie, British Sterling, Pierre Cardin, Halston and Drakkar Noir...

...and Helenesque!

[quote]Semper ubi sub ubi.

Are you from Massachusetts by any chance?

TV Crushes Through the Decades: The 1960s. See Prof. Robt. Conrad after class.

I agree with R3. This place is basically an archive of knowledge already. Sooooo. Yah.

Special multi-semester seminar being offered this year -- Afternoon Dramas and their Divas

Topics include:

How to Select the Right Soap for You

Strasser vs Wyndham: Who was the Better Rachel

How to Run a Show into the Ground and then Move Production to Bum-Fuck, taught by Ellen Wheeler

The Yearly Plan to Save Days of Our Lives: How to Adapt to the Changing Times, with special guest lecturers Ken Corday and the editors of Soap Opera Digest

Diva of All Divas: Beverlee McKinsey

How the Slut of Springfield Ate the Show

Dear God in Heaven: I'm Still Dead, Bitches taught by Wilma Jeanne Cooper from the Great Beyond

The Dark Arts: How to Slowly Dismantle a Show by Killing off the Core Family, Making Mobsters the Moral Center and Telling Dark, Pessimistic Ultra-Violent Stories, taught by Bob Guza and Jill Farren Phelps

Focus on Three: How to Repurpose a Love Triangle Over and Over and Over and Over and Over Again to the Exclusion of All Other Characters on the Show, taught by Bradley Bell

That's a Fact: How to Get by on Looks and Minimal Talent, co-taught by Drake Hogestyn and Ronn Moss

What's Age Got to Do with It?: How Erica Kane Quit Aging while Susan Lucci Did Not

RH vs TSJ: Todd of all Todds

Destroying the Genre: How to Make Decisions that Will Ultimately Kill off the Afternoon Soap Opera Once and For All, with special guest professor Brian Frons

R23. You jest, but I actually do teach a unit on Polari in my Sociolinguistics course. Students always enjoy it—I play Julian and Sandy CDs and show them a short film that consists of two men cruising each other in a park, the dialogue entirely in Polari (it’s a dramatic film, not a documentary).

R125: Due to a massive increase in such incidents, The Eldergay Institute is pleased to announce a Visiting Dean of Discipline who will be joining from DL University. The Dean's methods have been proven very effective at our institution of higher learning and we are confident he will do the same for the Eldergay Institute. I have enclosed a picture of the Dean at work on one of our wayward students to show his effectiveness. I encourage all staff and faculty to refer any gayling to him if they feel they could benefit from a session.

Thank you, and we look forward to more collaborations between DL University and the Eldergay Institute.

It has come to my attention that the enclosed picture I provided is blurred and not clear in demonstrating the effectiveness. I have enclosed a second picture of another gayling who has benefited from the Dean's guidance. DL University apologizes for this error.

Once again, Ms. Turnblad, your ratted hair is preventing yet another student's geometry education!

Demand for the DataLounge Eldergay Institue’s Afternoon Dramas and Their Divas courses has been phenomenal. The courses filled up five minutes after registration opened. Consequently, we are expanding the course selection to accommodate more faithful viewers.

Newly added courses include:

Mumble All the Way: Why Bother Learning Your Lines when You Can Just Mumble Through a Scene, co-taught by Eric Braeden and Maurice Benard.

Where There’s A Will, There’s a Way: Recasting Disasters, presented by Chandler Massey and Guy Wilson, with special appearance by Greg Meng.

Disregarding Doug’s Rules: How to Destroy a Show After the Death of a Beloved Headwriter

Not a Tall: Performing Aristocratic Characters and the Their Alters While Promoting Prunes, with Viki Sleastak

The Dad We Wish We All Had: Remembering Mac Cory and Douglass Watson

Ain’t That a Kick in the Cunt: Soap Dykes Onscreen and Off

Danny Boy, The Pipes Are Calling: Remembering Ryan’s Hope, with Helen Gallagher and Ilene Kristen, plus Prince Albert the Ape

A Sucker Born Every Minute: Conning Your Fanbase into a Pyramid Scheme So You Can Get Rich Off Them, co-facilitated by Steve Burton and Freddie Smith

The Devil Made Me Do It: Marlena Evans UpClose and Persona, Just Not Too Close or Too Personal, with Dee Dee Halls.

Which Alice is Right For You: Courtney, Harney, Pfenning, Tribbey or Borgeson? taught in conjunction with Which Dorian is Right For You: Pinkerton, Malis, Strasser or Princi?

What’s History Got to Do With It? Ignoring Abortions, Death, Marriage, Parentage and Plastic Surgery, with Megan McTavish, Josh Griffin and Chuck Pratt, Jr.

Think It Can’t Get Any Worse? Wait Til I Get My Hands on that Script!, with Dena Higley

Destroying the Genre 2: Budgets, Bullying, Storyline Approvals and Wizened Old Men with Mary Alice Dwyer-Dobbin

Buck Would Never, by Professor Beth Jarrett, is now full.

Students may add their name to a waitlist in the event another section opens.

R144 Buck would never procrastinate in registering for his classes.

Are there Pell Grants available for Eldergay Institute courses?

r144 r145 And Buck would, by this point, have been an eldergay.

R139, this film?

Applicants will be required to present a completed and accurate transcript upon admission to the institutes advanced linguistics courses.