Are any NYC suburbs gay friendly? Gay pleasant?

I don't know from personal experience but I always heard Maplewood, NJ was very gay friendly.

Montclair, NJ

Anyone know anything about Pelham NY?

Hudson, NY

Sayville

I should think the richer, the gay friendlier.

Hudson is hardly a suburb. It’s 2 hours away.

Are you single or married OP? Most suburbs are the latter.

That said, I know at least 5 gay couples in Peekskill, NY, an hour train ride to Grand Central. They all love it.

Jersey City, though I don't know how suburban you want.

Hoping for something close to the city. Westchester, New Jersey. (Not Long Island).

Dix Hills

There are a few gay tolerant suburbs but there is no such thing as a gay friendly suburb.

This house is adorable. Can walk to the train

Very active gay community

DIx Hills is known to be gay friendly R11?

I'd also vote for Montclair, Maplewood, Orange in NJ. There may be other towns I don't know about.

Westchester is terrifyingly expensive (I don't know about Peekskill.)

Long Island is hopeless, unless some DL LIer tells me otherwise. The worst people in the tri-State area all live on Long Island.

West Orange NJ is adjacent to Montclair and much less expensive (except where Whoopi Goldberg is)

The NJ suburbs mentioned are not the easiest commute. Usually involve tacking a commuter bus, which sucks. And, it’s New Jersey.

OP are you planning to commute to NYC? Are you single or married? Budget?

Drive to Harrison, NJ take the PATH

The Oranges are surrounded by the encroaching ghetto that is Newark. Hard pass.

West Orange is not surrounded by Newark.

East Orange is the buffer, and it is starting to decline. Only a matter of time

R22 - East Orange has been in bad shape for decades.

[quote]The NJ suburbs mentioned are not the easiest commute. Usually involve tacking a commuter bus, which sucks.

Why take the bus when they have trains.

Another vote for Montclair.

[quote] Drive to Harrison, NJ take the PATH

PATH is a nightmare on weekends. Infrequent, slow service and crowded trains. The World Trade Station is closed weekends through 2020.

My advice, once you find a town you like, is to stay overnight in a hotel and see what your morning commute is like. Then stay in the city after work, maybe have dinner and see a show, and then see how hard it is to get home at 11pm.

I live in NY and you couldn't get me to move to the suburbs at gunpoint. We have friends in New Jersey and LI, and getting back and forth is never easy. You may think you'll come into the city frequently, but you won't. Your life will revolve around trips to ShopRite and some soulless mall. You won't even go out to the movies, you'll stay at home and watch Netflix.

I'm curious, why the desire to move?

Port Chester,NY I love it here!

Clearly no one here has any clue about the north shore of Long Island.

Sea Cliff in particular. Gorgeous town on the sound full of Victorian homes. Feels very Bay Area.. Quite a few gay coupes live there including Sarah Ellis, CEO of GLAAD

If I’m going to live in NY, probably would not choose to go to suburbs. That’s the kind of lifestyle you leave NY to live. NY suburbs are crowded, expensive, congested with insane real estate taxes. I think if you want a suburban lifestyle move to Houston or Atlanta or even LA.

People are leaving NY suburbs and prices are falling because the tax change made those insane real estate taxes non-deductible and it may have been the straw that broke the camels back.

Very gay-friendly Asbury Park is 55 miles from midtown. Too far for a daily commute but perfect as a weekend getaway.

There is always Yonkers.

[quote]Very active gay community

Thanks R14. This pic says it all.

Gayer than gay

[quote]Very gay-friendly Asbury Park is 55 miles from midtown. Too far for a daily commute but perfect as a weekend getaway.

Talking of which... "The Zombie Walk"

Fishkill sounds like a nice New York town for sisters who hate fish!

Why on earth would you want to move out of the heart of most vibrant city in the world for suburbia?

Maybe because of the vibrancy, R35? I'm not the OP, but I am so sick and tired of other people. New York must be hell now.

[quote]Quite a few gay coupes live there including Sarah Ellis, CEO of GLAAD

Yeah. They is who I'd want as a neighbor. LMAO.

[quote]Usually involve tacking a commuter bus, which sucks.

Tacking it to what? A bulletin board?

R27, Sea Cliff is extremely expensive. Unless OP makes moderate 6 figures, fuhgeddaboutit.

Isn't the entire North Shore extremely expensive, r39?

Of course Peekskill is gay friendly. I had pictures of JFK, Gandhi and MLK on my bedroom wall. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Is Plainfield still gay-friendly? I remember reading about it when Gay American Ex-Governor Jim McGreevey lived there.

I don't know if Dix Hills is gay friendly, but I know the gays love Dix.

The Dix are alive...with the sound of penis.

[quote] Maybe because of the vibrancy, [R35]? I'm not the OP, but I am so sick and tired of other people. New York must be hell now.

Yes and no.

As with any city, locals know where to go to avoid the tourists and crowds. Just as no self-respecting San Franciscan would be caught at Fisherman's Wharf, New Yorkers avoid Times Square, Soho, Macy's, on a weekend, and the High Line after 10 am. Granted, it's become harder and harder to find places that haven't been Instagrammed to death, and even places like Hell's Kitchen that were 'ours' only a few years ago have been discovered by the Big Bus crowd. But there are still lots of places to make living in New York worthwhile.

And nothing quite compares to the thrill of yelling at some head-down, Millennial phone zombie who crashes into you on Sixth Avenue, right in front of his terrified parents.

The town next over from Dix Hills is Evenmoredix.

R45 It's not just tourists who are annoying AF.

Snedens Landing.

All yours for $950,000

I've met gay families loving Westchester. I"ve met families from Pelham, Tarrytown, Dobbs Ferry, Chappaqua, Pleasantville, Irvington, Ketonah, Scarsdale, and Mamaroneck.

They all have had positive things to say about how they were welcomed in their communities.

Because taxes are high, and most of that money goes to the school systems, living in most NY suburbs makes sense only if you have kids.

There are plenty of Grindr guys in Yonkers and White Plains

Someone who may not like me because I am gay grew up in Katonah, though sometimes he refers to it as Bedford. He may not like me because he finds me boring, OTOH.

Lots of NYCers have moved to the NYC suburbs so they have become increasingly progressive

I moved from NYC to the suburbs after 20 years in NYC, I was feeling burnt out and needed green space, which I have in abundance. I've been here 10 years and I haven't found any sort of "gay community" but haven't really looked to be part of one, either. I've met a few people but mostly socialize with my bf and group of friends from NYC. When we go out here we've never encountered homophobia, and there are plenty of other same sex couples out and about.

r28 has a very valid point about the taxes in NY though. I'm not going to be able to afford to stay here in retirement if they don't make the full amount of my property taxes deductible.

[quote] I moved from NYC to the suburbs after 20 years in NYC, I was feeling burnt out and needed green space, which I have in abundance. I've been here 10 years and I haven't found any sort of "gay community"

I'm still looking for a real gay community in NYC

[quote] I'm not going to be able to afford to stay here in retirement if they don't make the full amount of my property taxes deductible.

Most people gay or straight, move out of these NY suburb high tax locations when they retire because they can't afford it.

There is a gay center in White Plains. Because of the strong pull of NYC, so many gays relocate and live in the city.

The few gay bars in Westchester I knew of all closed--victims of hook up apps

Well, see, r55, I had budgeted my retirement plan so that I could stay here - wasn't expecting a complete overhaul of the tax code. But all in all, the move was good for me, I really love living here and still getting to enjoy NYC when I feel like it.

People pay high property taxes in the suburbs in exchange for good schools. If you don't have children, you have to really love living in a house with a yard. Some people do.

R59 that describes us. We can’t imagine going back to apartment living, with limited privacy and noise. We pay $20,000 in property taxes annually, though when it’s time to retire in 15ish years, we’ll probably sell and move somewhere beachy

But also, r59, good schools ensure the property holds its value. People will always want to live where I do. My house was a solid investment even though I don't have kids. Property taxes are high but not as high as one year of private school in NYC for just one kid.

My hometown, Morristown, might also be another possibility.

Disallowing the real property tax deduction was aimed directly at liberal Blue State suburban communities that value good, free education for all. Red States have shitty public schools that are underfunded because property taxes are so low.

So gays who like to live in pretty houses with nice yards should all move to places like Charleston, SC,

Some of these places like Asbury Park and the Oranges are really exurbs, not suburbs.

The Oranges are much closer to NY than Asbury Park is. Not "exurbs." West Orange is 20 miles from the West Village. Asbury Park, 60.

R16 don't think you mean Orange, a step above ghetto. Must be thinking of West or South Orange,

East Orange was home to DL favorites John Amos, Miss Warwick, Whitney Houston and Queen Latifah.

I think you should be sure you want a suburban lifestyle before you move to the suburbs. If you do, that's great. Welcome to the club! I live in the 'burbs of Philadelphia and wouldn't live anywhere else. I like the lower density, the greenery everywhere, the car-friendly layout, and the closeness of the countryside. I don't care about "gay friendly". Gay tolerant is fine for me, although in fact there are plenty of gay couples in my suburb.

But I almost never go into the city. This was also true when I lived in the NY suburbs (Mt Kisco) after several years of living in the city. You tell yourself that you'll be in the city all the time, but in reality you settle into a comfortable suburban life - and it is comfortable and convenient, much more so than the city because of the ability to drive everywhere easily. Traveling into the city takes so long by public transit and traffic and parking are terrible if you go by car. Nowadays, there are few practical reasons to be in the city because we can get everything in the suburbs but the urban atmosphere (which is the reason we left in the first place).

Furthermore, if you commute to a job in the city, you won't be able to go home after work to change clothes, etc. You'll have to get up much earlier and thus will want to get to bed earlier, which really puts a crimp on evening plans in the city because of the infrequent trains. On the weekends? Forget it! You have to travel into the city 5 days a week, why would you want to do so on your weekend? This goes triple for NY because the commutes are so much worse than most other cities. You'll end up spending all your free time in the suburbs and (if you're like many people) driving to work in the city more often than you want to because of after-work commitments, early-morning meetings and the like.

You must be sure that's what you want before you make an irrevocable decision.

West Orange is the location of fabulous (and not all that expensive) Llewelyn Park.

R53 -- that's pretty much my situation ... but I may not have a boyfriend when I move (ie: we're either breaking up, or not breaking up. Sort of like Schrodinger's cat).

Which town do you live in (if you feel comfortable saying so)? Are there any single gays or are they all couples?

Thanks to everyone else for their advice. Now and then DL really comes through!

r69, it's really about priorities and what's important to you. My husband and I moved to Westchester (Bedford) from Boston six years ago to take care of his elderly parents. They wanted to die at home (he's Italian...nursing home is out of the question!!). So we live in the house in which he grew up. Once his father is gone, we've decided to stay until we retire in less than ten years and go from there.

Anyway, I work in the city and he works from home. We usually have "date nights" in the city where we can be alone. He usually meets me after work on Friday for dinner and a show/movie, but we sometimes come in on Saturday. I know what you're saying about a 5-day a week commute, but as long as I have Sunday to relax, it doesn't bother me. It's workable if you want it to be.

I just saw a commercial promoting Yonkers, featuring two young, attractive gay men enjoying life in a Hudson River front apartment building with nice outdoor spaces. Maybe look into that, OP?

People don't know what suburb means, apparently. Hudson NY??????? I recommend Sitges Spain, then.

Long Beach. Huntington. Still the burbs. But both have many gay residents, train access to NYC, and walkable downtowns. And surprisingly decent restaurants.

[quote]I just saw a commercial promoting Yonkers, featuring two young, attractive gay men enjoying life in a Hudson River front apartment building with nice outdoor spaces.

Were their names Cornelius and Barnaby? I always thought they pinged.

R76 Me too- Cornelius totally put his hand in - the whole fist!

No suburbs for me. I'll stick to Sutton Place. It might flood slightly during hurricanes, but I'd rather be flooded in a nice area with my kind of people.

R19, Harrison isn't a suburb. It's working class, whose factories have been demolished for rows of apartments. Houses are at least fifty-years-old. One and two family on small lots with a postage stamp size grass.

Yonkers is rather ghetto.

Come on out o Mountebank! It's exclusive and restricted!

Some parts of Yonkers are gorgeous....Bronxville,....Pelham.......gay friendly.

"A sizable and diverse LGBTQ community contributes to the long-time perception of Plainfield, New Jersey as a stronghold of gay life and gay community in the suburbs of New Jersey.

Plainfield has one of the highest percentage of same-sex householders in the state of New Jersey.[89][90] The First Unitarian Society of Plainfield, the oldest such congregation in the United States, is certified as LGBTQ welcoming.

In 1986, The New York Times reported on what was termed at the time as the "growing homosexual population in Plainfield" drawn to the stock of aging Victorian, Tudor and colonial homes, and featured interviews with various gay men who lived in Plainfield and worked in Manhattan.[91]

One of the Queen City's elected leaders, former Councilwoman Rebecca Williams (who now represents all of Union County as a freeholder), is openly lesbian. In 2017, as Council President, Williams organized and hosted the city's first-ever Pride flag-raising to honor its LGBTQ community and to commemorate the victims of the Pulse Orlando massacre during Pride Month.[92]

Plainfield has also been recently described as part of some newly formed Catholic gay outreach, ministry, and acceptance efforts in New Jersey.[93][94]

In 2015, an openly gay Plainfielder ran for state Assemblyman.[95]

Plainfield has been home to openly gay former New Jersey governor James McGreevey and his longtime partner, an Australian-American business executive.[35]

Plainfield is also at the center of gay life in Union County, which hosts LGBTQ family events and opened the state's first county-wide office of LGBTQ services in 2018.[96]

more on the HOMOSEXUAL PARADISE of Plainfield, New Jersey.

If McGreevy lives in Plainfield it must be close to some major truckstops.

He lives in Jersey City now. LOTS of truck stops near the Holland Tunnel.

Plainfield is a little far from Manhattan, It's less expensive than, say, Montclair, but also not as nice.

No, Plainfield had riots in 1967 and 1969, and most of the white people moved away, to Bridgewater, Warren, Edison, and other nearby towns. People wanted to get out of Union County as well. As a result, the stores left town, too. It got somewhat improved, but I don't think you'll find a Starbucks, a good pizza place or ice creamery, or even a Shop-Rite. I was there in 2015, and what I mainly noticed were lots of Mexican restaurants.

I imagine the shopping in Montclair to be a lot more upscale.

Another vote for Long Beach, NY if you aren’t looking for a big yard. It hosts Long Island Pride. It’s very walkable and you’ll always get a seat on the train in the morning since it is the end of the line stop. Lots of gay people, couples mostly, but there are some singles.

I was recently at a restaurant in Bedford, NY in Westchester and was surprised at how many gay men were there.

Westchester is lovely. It’s physically beautiful with green, rolling hill. The Metro North Raul trip in each morning is a pleasure and doesn’t have any of the issues the NJ commuters seem to. There are only about 1 million people in all of Westchester (vs 3 million in Long Island) so there are rarely terrible traffic jams

White Plains and only 30 mins to Grand Central

Pelham. Bronxville. lower westchester .

Plainfield made sense for gays in the 80s when work was 9 to 5 and the trains ran on time. Now if you work in the city, given the horrible hours, it is better to be a little closer.

but if you love real estate and luxe properties, Plainfield has plenty of that at low cost.

Van Wyck Brooks Historic District in Plainfield NJ is crawling with middle aged gays.

Drag Queen Bingo in the Van Wyck in Plainfield. Note it loudly shrieks NO CHILDREN ALLOWED in bold letters.

Plainfield is an old school gayborhood.

drag queen bingo - proper link

I grew up on that street.

That house screams gay Bed 'N Breakfast.

It was one a few years ago. Did he/they sell it?

Another dilapidated Plainfield mansion restored by homosexuals.

Rikers Island

Any more info about Morristown NJ? I've been offered a job there starting in January.

NJ blows

NJ and Westchester County NY have obscenely high taxes. The "gay friendly" suburbs attract the type of gays BEGGING to be ACCEPTED, the type who can't WAIT to get gay married and have children, and generally ape a suburban hetero lifestyle. Basically everything I've never wanted for myself, but if that's your crowd, go for it!

R42 a few years ago Mc Greevey moved to Jersey City. The plan was for him to run for mayor, when mayor Steve Fulop ran for governor. It never happened. Steve is still mayor, He gave Jimmy a job running a youth program.

R20, there's West, East. and South Orange. Why no North Orange?

R68 is telling us that East Orange is "dingy."

R82, Park Hill In Yonkers is nice area, but far from MetroNorth station. Sarah :Lawrence College with a Bronxville ZIP is actually in Yonkers.

How will Covid affect NYC's suburbs?

When people ask about gay friendly small towns or suburbs, what are they thinking of doing that is gay? Anonymous hookups, gay bars, orgies, PDA, being invited over by straights for dinner? What?

Maplewood New Jersey wins this. Unquestionably.

[quote] When people ask about gay friendly small towns or suburbs, what are they thinking of doing that is gay?

Quiet judging instead of in-your-face judging and discrimination.

Maplewood/South Orange are a big draw for gay families.

Also Plainfield is *not* a good area, don't know why that poster was going on about it.

Back in the 70s realtors tried to make Plainfield happen as a new gay community with lots of big old Victorian houses to rehab - there were plenty of ads in the NYC gay rags touting it . Obviously a number of gay people liked the idea, but today it still feels like an outpost in the middle of straight suburbia.

There are a few select areas of Plainfield, NJ, that are rather lovely complete with historic old home and so forth.

Problem is you are surrounded by rest of Plainfield which isn't so great for most part. That being said gays and lesbians either as couples or singles often don't shy away from certain areas just because....

Then you have Asbury Park and Deal NJ where gays made a huge difference. No, not everything bad was driven out, but still.....

Thing to consider about these NJ, Westchester, Conn, LI suburbs and even areas of NYC like Staten Island or Brooklyn that have a more rural/suburban vibe is that often historically gays didn't have kids. Thus the overriding concern that faces most moving to suburbs; good schools and things for children, weren't always top of their list when house hunting.

I've been to more gay Montclair and Maplewood housewarmings in past few years than care to count. But guys chose those areas because they were gay dads (or planning), and wanted access to good schools and other amenities for children/teens.

OTOH know a few other couples who chose Staten Island (New Brighton and Todt Hill) to get their rural/suburb vibe on. None have kids and aren't planning so school district wasn't on their radar.

I lived just about everywhere on UWS since college (27yrs) & left for Greenwich. Planned it all with my ex but we broke up and we both ended up here. I bought small condo in Greenwich and he bought in Port Chester. I have 1/2 the taxes of my ex and a very fast express train to Grand Central. Wish that I had made the move earlier. So easy to get into city but I love the beach and all the nearby hiking. I have many times come home from city and gone back in for event

OP, why would you want to leave Manhattan? Just buy this place and you will be away from the riff raff.

If you work in the NYC suburbs, then living there makes a lot of sense. The NJ suburbs discussed here are very convenient to the corporate parks and pharma companies in northern NJ

Those NJ burbs are expensive not because of the companies in NJ r122, but because they are a convenient commute to Manhattan.

Avoid West Harrison at all costs. A true asshole gay named Rocco lives there with his ginger husband and demon spawn. Must stay away.

All of these places look great from over this side of the pond.

Huge houses though. If you're downsizing and want to live close to New York, where's good to go?

R122

Large parts of NJ are bedroom communities for NYC, and have been since George Washington Bridge, along with Holland and Lincoln tunnels were opened. Throw in I-95, New Jersey Turnpike and Garden State Parkway which made communing easier and you see how great white flight out of Manhattan/NYC to New Jersey picked up steam in years after WWII.

Then you have the rail roads (now just New Jersey Transit, and PATH), but previously several RRs had local NJ commuter service either directly to city (Pennsylvania RR), or passengers went to ferries that took them from NJ to Manhattan, Staten Island and even Brooklyn.

Yes, NJ does have big pharma, but that sector is dwindling for various reasons. Substantial part of NJ household wealth comes directly from proximity to NYC, in particular Manhattan. Tons of middle class to well off and very wealthy who make their living across North River, live in NJ.

Housing with say 30 minutes to one hour commute (car, bus) or direct rail link into Manhattan from NJ (or at least to Newark Penn Station) will cost more on average than say out in the boonies.

Getting back to Plainfield and other historic areas/homes don't always get appeal for middle aged or even older gays (married or single) without children/heirs. What exactly is the end game of being elderly and ratting around those huge old houses? More to the point what is to become of all that worry and care after owners have left this earth?

Even children/heirs of straights don't want those old piles and usually will sell.

Keeping with Plainfield here is a NYT piece on property owned by James McGreevey and partner. This was done back in 2013, not sure if they still live there full time.

[Quote]Yes, NJ does have big pharma, but that sector is dwindling for various reasons.

Because NJ honestly doesn't make sense as a biotech hub. A lot of the innovation is happening in collaboration with these elite university labs. That's why you see the biotech hubs now firmly established as Boston and the Bay area. There are lots of elite universities with huge research programs. New Jersey doesn't measure up by comparison.

I work in the industry in New Jersey, there is still a hub here, but its nothing like what it once was.

Pharma is leaving NJ for same reasons many other sectors/businesses have fled; political, tax and other environments just aren't favorable.

Like NY across Hudson river NJ is fast becoming another bastion of blue, progressive, liberal democrat policies that boil down to a hate on anything that smacks of wealth, "big business" or whatever.

NJ is now giving professional licences to illegal aliens (as of 2 September) which is just further stirring of that pot.

Still NJ is trying to remain very much in play; Teva is moving some offices from PA for new space in Morris County lured by tax incentives

[Quote]Like NY across Hudson river NJ is fast becoming another bastion of blue, progressive, liberal democrat policies that boil down to a hate on anything that smacks of wealth, "big business" or whatever.

Yes, that's why when Roche took over Genentech thousands of jobs moved from Jersey....to the Bay area. To get away from Democrats. That's why the two dominant hubs of the industry are in the uber-blue Boston and SF metro.

M'kay r129. Thanks for sharing.

OP

You mustn't confuse gay "friendly" or even accepting with having a large pool of gay activities or whatever. The two aren't or even remotely the same thing.

Plenty of places are inclusive far as gays living in area goes. Yes some may be more welcoming than others, but on average today you'll find a live and let live attitude in many areas.

OTOH if you're considering moving to some place with a long established straight suburban lifestyle or vibe then gays are going to feel out of place no matter how accepting. Single straight men or women also aren't in sync in such areas either; everything is simply geared towards married couples with children. Even there things break down with men going into Manhattan or wherever to their offices, while wives/mothers manage the home front.

It's sort of like Joanne sings about in "Ladies Who Lunch" cataloging the choices of a wife Bobby has among their circle.

This thread is a font of misinformation or incorrectly remembered information or information that was relevant 40 years ago.

Like so many threads on Datalounge.

Maplewood, NJ which is about a 30 minute train ride from Penn Station, and its sister town of South Orange (they share the same school district) are where every gay couple I know in their 30s and 40s from Manhattan and Brooklyn have been moving. (Not to mention plenty of straight ones.)

It's a place where having two moms or two dads is not out of place.

Plainfield and Asbury Park are nice if you don't have kids or are not planning to have any--the former is particularly cheap because the rest of the town is depressed.

East Orange and Orange are working class, primarily Black communities.

And West Orange has a large Orthodox Jewish population and that section where Whoopi Goldnberg lives, but it's not on a train line, so not easy to commute to NYC (at some point Covid will be over.)

That's the appeal of Maplewood-South Orange--easy commute, lots of gays and lots of gay-friendly straights. Being billed as the "Brooklyn of NJ" and all that implies.

^^And has been gay for a while it seems-- linked article is from 20 years ago!

To follow up on R131 and R132, much of the 'gay-friendly' quality of the suburbs is entirely dependent on who your neighbors are on your street. People choose the suburbs in part to have lower density housing, but if you wind up with a homophobe next door or down the block or in the house behind yours, the suburban paradise can be hellish. Urban living offers the safety of numbers, so to speak, and you can avoid neighbors you don't care for.

Maplewood is the gay suburb. Though 90% are married with kids gay. Personally I prefer Westchester and CT. But at this point, I would move to another state rather than a NYC suburb. Bidding wars have gotten insane. A mass panic seems to have set in. All of which is likely to fade within a year or two - meaning you will lose all that extra money you paid.