Did your father know you were gay?

Yes. When he saw me dialing the phone with a pencil.

He knew all along. When I was 6 he would darkly mutter at my at my nana from the Old Country to keep out of it when she would question my love of braiding my cousins’ hair.

No, at least he never said anything out right. But I didn't like sports, so his dream of reliving his youth never materialized. He didn't have much use for me because of this, and we became estranged years before his death.

R2 that is hilarious

Sure he knew but I didn't bother to tell him until after college and AIDS was hitting too closely and I saw some people have to tell their parents they were gay and had AIDS!!!!!! and often that did not go well.

Yes. In high school he saw me checking out some other boys as he was driving me to school and told me I was going to have a harder life.

He never knew. His (much, much older) brother was gay, born in 1915, and had a terrible life; drunk, unemployed, miserable. Probably made his money whoring himself out in the 1930s during the depression and then got drummed out of WWII because of being gay. Dad really, really didn't want any of his sons to be gay. So, I never told him, and we never talked about it. Finally, when I was off on my own and had little contact with him, I brought a boyfriend home. Neither of my parents ever commented.

He caught me sucking my friend's dick in my bedroom when I was a freshman, so yes.

He died last year at 85 but he hadn't been part of my life for years so I felt no need to have ever had that conversation with him. Total narcissist. Only one of his six children showed up for the memorial service, and that was just to make sure he was dead.

When I was about 10 and asked for a Barbie House. I did not want the doll, I just wanted the house and the furniture.

R10 lol. That'll usually tip them off.

R7 did your dad talk much about his gay brother?

No. He passed away when I was 13, long before I was sexually active. He did know I wasn't exactly the most masculine of his four sons.

He found out when I told him—I was 30. He was angry and unhappy about it, though of course he'd known for years.

My father and I have never talked about it. But he understands when he comes to visit me, my husband. and three kids.

Yes. I am the youngest son and I was best friends with the neighbor girl starting at age 5 (we're in our late 40s and still close friends). Dad could see the difference between the behavior of straight boys (my brothers) and me. Dad was an abusive alcoholic, so if he had wanted to, he could have ended all contact with my friend with a single sentence but he never did.

Around age 14 or so, Dad found gay porn in my room--nudie pictures that I'd pinched from my friend's collection of Playgirls. He told me that my "wires are crossed" because I'm supposed to want to date girls and be friends with boys and not the other way around. He said that my life would be tough if I didn't uncross those wires.

And that was it. Officially outed by Dad. He never mentioned it again and I never mentioned it again.

I kept trying to tell him, but his dick was always in my mouth.

I'm pretty sure he figured it out the Christmas I asked for (and got) a "Fun Flowers" thingmaker. I was 7. (My brother got "Creepy Crawlers.)

He was convinced of his earlier suspicions two years later when he caught me playing with one of my friend's Skipper doll alone in my room.

r17 is this tatum O'Neal?

I Daddy always knew. He would buy me toys for boys like GI Joes dolls, but he would mix it up with Ken Dolls and accessories for my Ken dolls.

He passed away a few years before I told anyone in my family. I remember seeing him the day before he passed away and wanting to tell him, but I figured to let him die in peace. The rest of my family ended up being accepting and he might have been, too, but I didn't want to tell him and have him go into cardiac arrest and forever be known as "the one who killed him."

I'm sure he suspected, and I was never the son he wanted. But he found out for sure on my sister's wedding day when she apparently had nothing better to think about and told him.

The reaction was so bad and so obvious that I finally asked my sister - later that day - what the hell was wrong with him, whereupon she told me she had told him I was gay that morning.

I hope you gave her a good bitch-slapping, R22.

Yes. I'm a Jr. and he mistakenly opened up a letter addressed to me from a one-time fuckbuddy filled with graphic language about what he wanted to do with me.

That was fun...

Oh, by the way, I'm the guy who told him all dramatically when my friends (and 1 lover!) had AIDS, but my dad was great when I told him. He was sort of a cold fish, but he said "This makes no difference to ME". And in fact, the formerly tight purse strings opened! Afterwards, he used to slip money to me and separately to my BOYFRIENDS when I took them home to visit. (I told the boyfriends just to take it because it was my dad's way of saying "I value you.") I was with him when he died. He said "You are a wonderful son." Can you imagine! The nurse told me to go home because he was waiting to be alone to die. When I got home, a 30 minute car ride, my brother told me the hospital called to report his death.

Yes, he knew, and he hated it, but it was never discussed or even mentioned between us. There was just the seething anger that he could do nothing about because he knew if he did my mother and my maternal grandparents would make him rue the day he did.

Good for your mom and grandparents R26.

Yes, he did. And his attitude was the same as everyone else in my inner and extended family. No anger, no scenes. If I had a boyfriend, the entire family regarded him as nothing more than a platonic friend of mine. My current boyfriend and I have been living together for almost 8 years and everyone maintains the pretense that we're just roommates. When there are family functions, he is always included, but the invitations are always along the lines of, ask your roommate if he'd like to come along, or, let your friend know he's welcome. Occasionally, I'll say "Dad, you know Rob and I are more than just roommates." He nods and says quickly, "Of course I know that." and changes the subject. Ostriches aren't the only ones that stick their heads in the sand.

You know, R28, you could really show them that you're more than just roommates by getting married (I'm assuming that you live in a country where you can). Marriage may not be for everyone, but if your family is in denial, you really should have the inheritance and hospital visitation rights formalized to prevent any issues.

When he found a stack of old physique pictorial magazines under my bed. He was a boxer and he knew why I was hiding them. I was around 15 at the time. It was never an issue but we didn’t discuss my sexuality.

He figured it out when I would put water balloons in my shirt and a white t shirt on my head and would bounce around the house singing 9 to 5 into mom’s curling iron.

R12 -- R7 here, and no, Dad never told me that his brother was gay. I only found out after he died, because he'd told my straight older brother, with whom he was very close, and my brother told me. What really gets me is that when we were moving once I found an old diary in the basement, took it to Dad and asked him what it was. He grabbed it from me. I wish I had just read it, because my brother told me later it was a journal of my uncle's life as a young gay at Princeton in the 1930s. I would have loved to have read it. But apparently Dad burned it so that no one would ever see it again.

My father and I never discussed it.

When my mother passed away, he asked if I would move into the family house with him. I was taken back by the invitation. I really hadn't lived in the house for more than a couple months here and there since I went off to university at 18. I felt sorry for him and agreed despite some reservations. I expected to be there about six months to help him get the house ready sell and find a condo . I was living in an apartment on a month-to-month lease, so that was not an obstacle. I had a new boyfriend at the time and would spend the weekends at his apartment, so no cramp to that aspect of life. After six months, the house was not ready and things were progressing with Boyfriend, so I asked Dad if Boyfriend could move in. Dad agreed.

Dad's bedroom was on the first floor and Boyfriend and I shared a bedroom on the second floor. I'm not sure what Dad thought was going on.

After about a year and a half when the house was finally in shape for the market, I told Dad it was time to pull the trigger. He refused saying the house was too nice to leave.

Boyfriend and I finally moved out a few months later. On moving day, Dad pulled him aside and told him that he didn't have to leave just because I was. Really??? What WAS he thinking? Any way, when Boyfriend declined and said he was going with me, Dad said, "I don't know how you put up with that man." So, what indeed was he thinking?

[quote] Boyfriend and I finally moved out a few months later. On moving day, Dad pulled him aside and told him that he didn't have to leave just because I was. Really??? What WAS he thinking? Any way, when Boyfriend declined and said he was going with me, Dad said, "I don't know how you put up with that man." So, what indeed was he thinking?

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Your Dad was thinking he likes your boyfriend more than he likes you.

[Quote][R17] is this tatum O'Neal?

NO, R19.

Died before I came out at 23. Kinda glad - I think he would have been hard to deal with. Immigrant conservative Catholic. Weird visiting his brothers and sister in their conservative Catholic country with my husband. Have no regrets about not telling him.

R36, which Catholic country?

Yeah. Sometimes he tries to hook me up with guys which is awkward af. He's a young dad though at 37 so I think he wants to be cool.

I know R37. R36 is so vague for no reason than to be histrionic.

Yes.

That was a very awkward trip to Pizza Express.

My father didn’t take my virginity. I gave it to him.

My dad officially knew when I told him when I was 25. But when I asked him if he had suspected anything before that, he said he knew since I was three, because I already had "some of those ways" in how I behaved.

When I asked "what kind of ways," he only responded "you know, you had certain gestures and emotional reactions that [italic]you people[/italic] tend to have." He wouldn't elaborate more than that, and I decided not to push him for a debate on his statement.

He was correct? Straight parents grow up in the same world, with plenty of gays around. Observant ones can notice. It's not important. What's important is what they do with the knowledge their little tot might be gay later on.

Even the boyfriends, comments about blowing guys that my sister made at the dinner table and living with a man for seven years didn't seem to tip him off. Not to mention the posters of guys on my wall, hatred of sports and finding daddy porn on the computer when I was 14.

R44 - Straight men are amazingly oblivious - just ask straight women.

R45, I actually think dads usually know.

Yes, and he hated it. Was nasty to me about it. "I didn't come from a family of fags." Nice, huh? I heard it all. We had plenty of fights. I didn't like it, but after a while, I just said fuck it. He got older, got sicker and started respecting me. What a friggin life with your father. .

When I preferred a bird of paradise plant instead of a venus fly trap.

When I was a teenager and he was recuperating from a fall... after smoking half a joint, he said, “I don’t care if you’re gay, I still love you, I was gay when I was younger”... my mom was taken aback in the other room and dropped a dish.

Turned out he was a doorman at Peppermint Lounge in Time Sq. in the early 60’s. It was a notorious gay hustler bar before Chubby Checker’s “Do the Twist” craze. Guys hit him up all the time and hard up for cash, he finally took them up on it.

My mom met him when she was a Gogo dancer a few blocks away.

I wonder how much of this is generational. For those of us who grew up in the '50s and '60s-- our parents weren't really exposed to open homosexuality until late in their lives. It was a taboo subject that wasn't discussed in polite society, for the most part. So while there were obviously flamboyant like Liberace, there were plenty of others who were deeply closeted and not "obviously gay." Anyway, I doubt many parents gave too much thought about their kids turning out "that way" unless they were really over-the-top flamers.

How old are you that your dad is 37, R38??

My parents aren't dumb, but they are self-centered. I never told them and they never asked. I'm sure they wouldn't want me to 'dump' my problems on them.

My dad's brother was gay and a town character, kind of a loser. I guess they thought I was 'that type' so they never invested any money in me, or helped me do anything. They were probably relieved when I moved out of town for good and they wouldn't have to explain me to anyone.

Funny how can you can be that closely related to people and have no affection for them. When they died it was like, 'Oh. Whatever'.

Sophomore year of college in 1999. He picked me up from school and we were driving to PA for my grandmother's 80th birthday party. He swerved off the road for a second but quickly rebounded and told me he was happy for me. He had a few questions about how I knew and if I was sure but overall he was very accepting. He took it much better than my mother who took a couple of years to come around.

R22, is your sister Brittany Murphy?

Yep. He caught me reading the queer books in his closet.

He suspected it and scared me to death about acknowledging it in any shape or form. Then he croaked and I came out. I've been much better ever since.

I told my parents when I turned 18, so he knew after that. I never doubted that he loved me, but it took him some time to be able to talk about it. I miss him every day. When I'm having a meltdown (pretty often), I ask myself, "what would Dad do?" and it's always the correct answer. He was the man I hope to become some day.

I told my parents after they’d paid for college. My mother told me I should leave town and my father didn’t say anything. I moved to California and done time elapsed I told them they would never see me again if they didn’t accept me. That brought them up short and they behaved beautifully. My father survived my mother by 25 years and he was warm and affectionate with me.

[Quote]He was correct?

I certainly don't remember what "ways" I had when I was three, r43. I do remember liking to play with my sister's dolls from time-to-time, but many little boys will do that, unless their parents stop them right then and there. But mannerisms and gestures? I have no memory about that.

When I was a bit older, however (around seven and eight), I would play with the girls in my neighborhood without any concern about the comments some people were making. So, yeah, I was called "sissy" by some for simply playing with girls, even when we did "boys" things, like playing baseball, riding bikes, or climbing trees.

Maybe I did do all of that with a gayish air - I never noticed that about myself. (I wouldn't have known what a gayish air was at that age, anyway.) But my dad never made any mention of that while I was growing up, never did anything to "correct" me, and acted like I was straight until I told him otherwise at the age of 25.

I guess he was one of those dads who didn’t want to believe what his gut feelings were telling him, and refused to elaborate on them after finding out. He was never okay with my being gay, although he still accepted me as his son, and would gladly spend time with me when I would visit him. I just couldn't mention my gay-related activities, because he would become annoyed, clam up, and my visit would be cut short because of it.

In the mid ‘80s unbeknownst to me my sister outed me to my mom and dad when I was a senior in college. I received an urgent call from my mom one day who said I must come home that weekend (I lived two hours away at the time). I knew something was up. When I arrived home, my mom and dad had a “meeting” with me. My dad was acting very oddly. He said he wanted us to be closer and start hanging out more. This was from a man that had never said more than a dozen words to me my whole life. My mom added that I should start being around my dad more than my more effeminate friends in college, otherwise people would assume I was gay (she didn’t say the word “gay.” She made that hand gesture indicating someone was gay). In essence my dad would be giving me “masculine lessons.” I was still financially dependent upon them and didn’t feel comfortable telling them the truth. I promised them I would try to butch it up more if they would let me go back to school. This seemed to placate them, and they allowed me to return to school to finish my studies.

After I was done with school and financially independent, I wrote them both letters telling them I was gay. They never wanted to talk about it or know anything about my life except that I was safe and healthy. I moved to California and saw them twice more before they died. I didn’t go to their funerals.

Good for you, R60.

When he first entered me, I told him it hurt and I didn’t want it. But as I relaxed to his thickness and he eased in deeper, he knew I was gay because I started to softly moan, “More Dad. Please.” I couldn’t help it and it gave me away.

When I was 18 and going off to start architecture school, my mother told me that I shouldn't become an interior designer because people would think I was a fag. This from the woman who'd take me to show houses and model homes and stores to see the decor with her. I knew that if she were going to be that way, my dad would be even worse. He probably suspected that I was gay, but he didn't have much interest in amy of his children, so he somehow survived without knowing.

For some fathers, a son being gay just isn't on the radar.

My close friend and his partner of 10 years have always visited his parents together and even slept in the same bed on overnight trips to his parent's house.

My friend's father recently asked him, "So when are you going to find a nice woman to marry?"

My mother has a friend in her 80s who has a gay son in his 60s. The guy has had a couple of different long-term partners in his life and even moved across the country for one. But his mother still claims he hasn't met the right woman yet. Some parents know the truth but remain firm in their denial that one of their children could be "that way."

He discovered my playgirl mags, so yes

Super embarrassing story, but my father “found out” when he came home early from work one day and I was in the storage shed in the back yard with a cucumber covered in Vaseline shoved up my ass. At that age, I could get hard and even cum without touching my dick if I had something in my ass! He told me later in the evening that if I ever needed to “talk” about anything including puberty, that he was available, but of course I was too embarrassed to discuss the topic.

I'm 19, R51

My father died when I was 7 yo. I didn’t realize I was gay until my early teens and didn’ Come out until my mid 20s

Yes. I brought my then boyfriend (now husband) to my patents’ 50th wedding anniversary. A year later, my Dad tagged along with me on a quick business day trip (his best friend lived in the city i was driving to) and on the way back said that he knew I was gay since I was 18. We’d gone out to eat and the waitress basically threw herself on me (I was a very good looking young man)..I did even notice her. My father knew then.. he was and is totally good with it, and loves my husband. I’m lucky...

I was born in the 50's and was a late-in-life child. My older brothers were gone by the time I was ten. My dad, who was old fashioned and conservative, and I weren't close and I spent way too much time with my mother. I came out to her at 20 but not to my dad. She told me I shouldn't tell him. But how couldn't he have not known? I never played sports, I often dressed as a girl at Halloween, and I went to college to get a degree in design. Soon after college I met and moved in with a much older man. That relationship lasted 25 years during which time my parents and partner often went to dinner together. They treated him like a son. Even though we never talked about it, my dad was always supportive. We became close the last ten years of his life. I know he loved me and vice versa, so there was no reason to address the issue.

Mine died when I was five so anything he may have seen he likely thought I'd grow out of.

I don't think his dying "made" me gay, but the "abandonment" (I used to not get that) certainly affected how I dealt with it all.

It's one thing to want daddy figures when you're a 24 year old twink who can pass for 18. But now it's all just one big fucking mess.

I see affectionate, rough-housing, loving dads with their toddler tykes all the time and it makes me want to walk out into traffic for a reunion in the afterlife.

Trying to find therapy.

R22 & R60 What is it with the sisters? Were they not supportive?

R21 Gus is that you?

When I was 9 years old, my dad caught me singing "Don't Cry Out Loud" into a hairbrush and in front of a mirror. He knew right then I was a fairy.

He knew, but we never discussed it. We only got along at Wrigley Field, so there was no point.

R76, he knew you were a Wrigley Field CumDump.

I find that parents who never considered homosexuality to be in the realm of possibility to be more accepting than those expose to gays, who grew up in a homophobic society. Don't get me wrong, in no way I am suggesting coming out in any universe was easier in the past than it is today, it just seems like the baby boomer generation didn't have the same hangups as younger baby boomers, and those born in the 60s because gay culture wasn't really out there, so no homophobia exists. Ff course my generation is way more accepting, old millennials and younger, if their kids are gay.

Mine did when I told him I liked sucking his dick.

My father asked me when I was 30. I stupidly told him thinking he wanted to know. He didn't. I got fucked out of my inheritance. One that I was told I would get and planning on buying property with in the 90's. I had to have it then and knew it. The property has gone up since then 6 fold.

And he made that money off of me as a boy abusing me horribly when he came home from work filled with rage from the pressures of the job and the responsibilities of a family. My mother buried herself in housework.

I wish I had just blown the question off. If there were a God that man would be burning in hell. But there isn't so when I think of him I'm filled with hatred. I went through all of that crap as a child for.nothing.

Telling me to kill myself and that he should have never had children were typically paternal thoughts on his part.

I always thought my dad was closet fag but he abandoned us before I had time to prove my theory.

R80, sorry to hear that.

R77, OMG I was just thinking about that masculine bottom this morning!

Do you have a link to him BEGGING to be plowed?

R83, here you go.

I wonder if his father knows he's gay?

thanks, R84.

It's quite a clip between the kid's deep masculine voice and how well he submissively takes direction.

You can tell the guy fucking him doesn't give a shit about him, that's kind of sad. It's not even his term 'the fag posture' -- it's that he is humiliating him by posting the video.

I fantasize all the time about being with a guy but it's the intimacy I crave, not getting fucked.

Except sometimes.