Things On Sitcoms That Needed To Be Said, But Weren't

I've been watching your kid for the last five years, you should pay me Mrs Ricardo

We haven't had sex in thirty years.

You may be a robot, Vicky, but you’re still a little cunt!

"Mrs. Stevens, everyone knows you have two different husbands. What are you MORMON?"

Mr Sheffield's average size dick just isn't big enough for your big cunt CC. No reflection on your character.

If you want better gigs, your stuck up daughter is gonna have to put out. No, I'm not talking about Tracy.

Mallory has been sniffing glue again, Mom.

Your husband is a fag, Carol.

WEHT Mom?

Miss Babcock, don't marry Niles, he's gay

Tom: Lose 40 kilograms and I'll fuck you, Linda, I am actually that desperate.

Saffy, you're old, if you don't like it here just move out!

Shirley, just let Laverne and Rosie Greenbaum fistfight. Just ONCE.

Blanche, you're really not that great looking

Chrissy, Janet, I don't want to fuck either of you.

Alice, the Brady's just use you

Ann, how do you afford all of these designer fashions as an unemployed actress?

Hyacinth, you're middle class.

and Sheridan is gay

Monica, how can we afford to live here?

Donald, don't tell Daddy we're fucking, OK?

Frasier you're not as smart and interesting as you think you are! Also, how much are you paying these beautiful women to sleep with you? #metoo

How come so many interesting visitors can get onto and off of the island, but neither our “professor” nor or “skipper” can figure out how to leave?

R22 LMAO, just what I always thought about Frasier. He was a creepy bore. Never understood that he was suddenly considered hot on his own show whereas on Cheers most people knew he was a creepy bore. I would much rather date Martin.

None of my dates make me cum like Jo does.

Master, why are we both bottoms?

Mrs. McGillicuddy is a virulent racist who loathes "Mickey" because he's Hispanic.

Did Kate and Allie have a lesbian subtext?

Why does YOUR finger smell like HIS ass?

Alice, who are you trying to kid with this 'dating Sam shit'? If you were a dinosaur, you'd be called a 'lickalottapuss'...

MS. Romano, you're just a horrible, horrible woman!

What incantation will get Darren and Maurice to run a train on my ass?

Why did the Willises produce a black daughter and a wonder bread-white son, instead of obviously biracial children?

Alice, you're an untalented cunt. Your singing makes dogs howl. You'll be slinging chili in my diner til you drop dead.

If you mess with my fantasy, I will fuck you up Rourke. And keep that creepy midget away from me. I'm not here for a sideshow attraction.

Monroe Ficus was gayer than Liza's clutch purse at the Tonys.

Yes, Debra, it's true. Everybody does love Raymond.

YOU, on the other hand . . .

Maree, you're an interfering old bitch

Karen was in love with Grace.

Saints preserve us!

It's Catwoman!

And she shrunk... and is black!!!

Why are my older sisters biracial and my younger sisters black?

Why, OF COURSE I'm homosexual, Mrs. Carmichael!

George, your tight jeans are the main reason Mr. Belvedere won't LEAVE!

Why does Kimberly Drummond keep slurring her words, and why are constantly hiding her behind potted plants.

Carol, whether your looking for a father for Phillip or just satisfying your sexual needs, all your relationships are miserable failures. You don't need therapy to remember your childhood, you need therapy to learn how to have a real relationship, not one to just meet YOUR needs.

You went from being a housewife to an ad executive in two weeks? How many men did you have to blow, Ms. Romano? HOW MANY?

Edith had innocent lesbian crushes on Louise Jefferson and Irene Lorenzo.

Girl, girls, NONE of you are pretty.

Have any of you turned on a TV since there were just three networks?

Vera was a virgin.

R49, I'm sorry I have to say this, but we all agree and think it's for the best. R49, dear, YOU'RE A CUNT!

[quote] I know you're a witch everyone knows.

But the thing was, no one knew except her: Abner never believed her. And she didn't even know it was witchcraft: she just thought "strange things" were going on at the Stevens house,.

[quote] Saffy, you're old, if you don't like it here just move out!—Patricia Stone

I can see Patsy saying that didn't she at least once), but it would have done no good since it was Eddie's house, not Patsy's. And for all of Eddie's self-indulgence, and her bitchiness towards her daughter, she also loved Saffy deep down and needed her approval sometimes.

Professor, why is it that you can even make washing machines out of bamboo and yet you still can't get us off this island?

🖕

Saffy has Stockholm syndrome

Oh just shut up for once, Julia. SHUT THE FUCK UP!

[Quote][R49], I'm sorry I have to say this, but we all agree and think it's for the best. [R49], dear, YOU'RE A CUNT!

R51 And I am unanimous in that!

Jamie, why is there semen in your sister's circuits?

Misogynist name-calling certainly proves the point. So on trend for 2019.

Bean, you have autism

Natalie you're FAT and Blair you're a Cunt .

Ethel honey , I don't want to intrude , but are you and Fred having intimacy issues ?

Wesley, show us on the doll where Mr. Belvedere touched you.

Derek, why did you leave me? None of these girls I’ve tried to date to make myself forget you are working.

[quote]Jamie, why is there semen in your sister's circuits? —Ted Lawson

At least somebody in this family is getting some.

Stop making fun of me you over-the-hill cracker whore and stop hitting me in the head with the newspaper you abusive dago bitch!

Arthur, I'd drink too if I was married to Maude.

Barbara Jean, you slept with my husband, got pregnant and caused our divorce. I don't want to be your best friend, you are a horrible, annoying, hypocritical bitch!.

I drank all the booze so Mr. Findlay wouldn’t. Now I’ve got cirrhosis! Bloody Greeks!

At least stealing the basic premise for my show from another show that was basically 1/3 remakes of old [italic]Brady Bunch[/italic] scripts to begin with was the only crime we committed.

Phyllis hated Rhoda because she was Jewish.

R71 = Joanne Forbes

No, I hated her because she was fat and could still land a hotter guy than me.

“I’m totally hotter than you Marcia!”

Duhhhhhhhh, I’m retarded.

You know, Willie, if you would just let me eat the stray cats from the neighborhood, I would both save you money on food bills and do everyone a public service. Melmacians didn’t evolve to subsist on nothing but Diet Pepsi and Doritos. Who do you think I am, Jay Leno?

[quote]You went from being a housewife to an ad executive in two weeks? How many men did you have to blow, Ms. Romano? HOW MANY?

Sounds like a career move for me to consider when I grow up. Either that or plant removal services.

I always got the vibe that the women on It's a Living moonlighted at high-class call girls, with Nancy Beebee as their madame.

Nell, what you need to give a break are carbohydrates.

R67: Florida, dear, you HAVE been drinking. I'm married to Maude. Arthur is my neighbor, the one who sexually assaulted Vivian over Shakespeare quotes and tried to organize an anti-gay lynch mob over that bar just outside of town. You know, my best friend!

"We're making a show for retarded people with no genuine talent involved other than John Ritter."

James was boning Willona.

Cherie hid in Henry’s old refrigerator on purpose so Punky and I would perform mouth-to-mouth CPR on her. What a dirty trick.

Actually, I prefer freshly squeezed orange juice to orange soda, but I would never admit that to Kenan.

The entire clothing section of this department store is staffed by a pretentious middle class divorcee, a gay cross-dresser, a leech, a doddering narcoleptic, a groping floorwalker with an inferiority complex, and a department manager who's thick as a plank. Oh, and the brothers who own the place are cheap millionaire sex pests.

[quote]Why does Kimberly Drummond keep slurring her words, and why are constantly hiding her behind potted plants.

Because she was a junkie slut, that’s why.

I SHOULD HAVE PUT DOROTHY UP FOR ADOPTION .

You did enough already, R87.

Rerun, chill, bro! Stop eatin at the soda shop every day.

Forget Maude, why didn’t I get an abortion when I had the chance?

FLO , I HAVE KISSED YOUR GRITS.

I was ass-raped in juvie and no one did anything to try and stop it.

I was a CIA MKULTRA test subject and I’ll probably die homeless. The IRS saw through my attempt to call myself a reverend to get out of paying taxes like Marilu Henner’s knee highs.

Why didn’t anyone tell me my wife is a lesbian?

Tony, I need you to fuck me in the ass again once Mom has left for work.

PLEASE!

Oscar, I want be your wife. I want to cook for you and clean for you and have you drunkenly climb on top of me after one of your poker games, reeking of cigars and stale sweat, and grind me into the mattress like a carrot on a grater.

At least I wasn’t the most annoying little boy named Danny that Embassy managed to dig up in 1984.

R61, Tootie, you can't skate for shit. You're a midget and you're only wearing those roller skates to look taller.

I cheated on Cliff and that’s why our children look different from each other and from him. I knew he was cheating on me behind his back, but I never told him what I know because there is no way in Hell that I’m going to risk losing a Brooklyn brownstone. Sondra’s real father is the father of Rudy’s fat friend Peter.

Jack? Janet?

I spent the rent money on crack.

Fuck both of you.

I can’t cook for shit, which is why I weigh less than either my sister or the women she lived with who are now my responsibility even though they’re all consenting adults by now. That’s also why Frank dumped me. Screw him; he can go get gas at Señor Sombrero for all I care. Thank god Andy didn’t pick up any of their bad eating habits. Maybe I can instill some respect for women into him before it’s too late.

[quote]Why didn’t anyone tell me my wife is a lesbian? —Steven Keaton

Especially when mine looked more like one than yours?

Doctor Huxtable, you and your wife are just two conceited, pompous assholes.

Jerry Seinfeld had a very large penis.

Henry, if you really hate Mel's chili so much, why do you keep getting it every day?

Mrs. Garrett, we may respect your wisdom, but keep in mind that you are only a dietician/nutritionist. I could buy and sell you.

Since Phoebe isn't here, let me ask: why do we always hang out with a former homeless crack whore? She didn't even go to college.

That fucking Glomer upstaged me when we did the [italic]Punky Brewster[/italic] cartoon. In live-action, I could do all sorts of cool stuff. In animation, I was subservient to a talking magic gopher. And my agent told me I was going to be the next Scooby-Doo! As if it wasn’t bad enough that they cut Mrs. Johnson out of the cartoon or that we premiered the same year Disney finally started doing TV cartoons.

Dr. Huxtable, why do you write yourself so many Quaalude prescriptions?

I wish I had had Maude's abortion.

Michael Evans was a little flaming gayling who trolled for DL thug cock in the Chicago projects.

Drake; just TELL Josh you're in love with him, get out of our parents' house and take him with you. As absurd as I find your relationship he's not our real brother so it isn't like I can have either of you arrested if I catch you two boobing it up together, but I still don't want to live in the same house as you embarrassing morons.

Lose my number but if you insist (and Josh will) mail your wedding invites to the house so I can have the satisfaction of an RSVP 'no'. Good fucking luck, and don't break his heart or you'll have me to answer to.

Mr. Stratton, you are late on the cocaine deliveries. Don’t give me the old “my wife made me take the miniature railroad out of the living room” excuse; that’s the fifth time I’ve heard that one this week. You signed a deal with our contacts in Colombia to move cocaine to and from the US in exchange for money to keep Eddie Toys solvent. Now it’s time for you to fulfill your end of the bargain. You wouldn’t want me to have to mess up that handsome face of yours, would you? Oh, and thanks for getting me in touch with Whitney Houston’s agent. I think we’ll be doing a lot of business in the future.

Everything in this skit.

Why are we always hanging out with Screech when we're the popular kids?

I was probably going to turn out gay.

Alice Mitchell, if you don’t keep that annoying brat of yours from coming over here and upsetting my husband every afternoon while you take a beauty nap, I’m calling CPS!

Tootie, what happened to your skates and why have you been wearing those really baggy sweaters all season?

Daddy, can I go to public school? There’s a new girl at Eastland who looks at me like a lion eyeing a gazelle, and it makes me feel uncomfortable.

Trixie Norton was a hooker before she married Ed.

I was murdered. My neighbor Annie cut the brakes on my car.

For fuck's sake, Julia, shut the FUCK up already!

And also, bitch, you can't sing for shit.

But we CAN sing for shit!

Frasier, we hope you don't mistake us for the scenery as you're chewing it all up.

[quote]I wish I had had Maude's abortion. —Sophia

I wish I had been The Brady Bunch’s maid but you can’t have everything.

Sam, you're not as hot as you think you are. You have a weird jaw and you overdo it on the hairspray and Drakkar Noir.

I was the hot one. That’s why I was actually able to seal the deal and you weren't.

I’m the real master. I just make him think he’s the one in charge because that’s how men are.

Keith, you have VD. We need to start you on penicillin as soon as possible.

Jerry, George where are you two finding these women that are so clearly out of your league?

We all agree that geeky Sly and even Mark are so much hotter than "hot" Jake.

Abner, Abner! Samantha's uncle is giving Darrin a blowjob!

[quote]Jerry, George where are you two finding these women that are so clearly out of your league? —Elaine

With a drug that I invented.

General Burkhalter, as soon as this war is over and the Nuremberg Trials begin, I am telling them [italic]everything[/italic] about you.

Just because I say "I see nothhhhhhhingggggg..." now won't mean much to me then.

[quote]Abner, Abner! Samantha's uncle is giving Darrin a blowjob!

And you want me to join them as a third? Your constant screeching is tempting me to do that.

The only reason I haven’t joined #metoo is because I can’t count that high.

In which cabin can I find the blow?

Why is my twin a fat Mexican?

Amanda may have it together now, but mark my words someday she’s going to lose it big time and often!

[quote]Why is my twin a fat Mexican? —Mark Hogan

That’s Venezuelan, you puto! But at least neither of us are in jail unlike a certain other co-star of our more popular older brother.

“Henry, I hope you die in a fiery crash!”

Georgette was retarded.

“Gonzo, why are all the male nurses always in the locker room when you’re showering?”

“Ok, Ok, Natalie, but it was rape rape right?”

Gee, Eddie, you never ride me anymore like you used to ride that train set.

Mary was the prettier, more fuckable sister, even after she went blind.

Buddy, stop looking at your sister's hairy gash.

"Why, Bubba, you sure do look fine in them snug jeans. Why don't you pop in next door and pop [italic]out?[/italic]. Show Auntie Iola what you've been practicing on Amy."

Lenny and Squiggy were more than just "roommates."

Carmine Ragusa was a big show queen and had absolutely no romantic interest in Shirley Feeney.

"Who doesn't know I've dealing drugs under the counter as well as selling my pussy and ass and cheap blow jobs to keep the boo-teek up and running?" - Willona Woods

Jo isn't the only one around here who enjoys eating pussy.

Mary Richards was all hair and no tits.

Lou Grant's underwear reeked of shit, piss, and jizz.

Kelso, you need to really fuck Fez. He has been wanting it the entire time. Just get high and make his dreams come true.

Mom!, Dad! I think aliens abducted Chuck!

I knew damn well what Willis was talking about. I’m not stupid. It’s whether he knew what he was talking about that was the question.

R147 Don’t you mean her Baxter-Birney?

Blanche: Dorothy, do you know why I am so popular? We have a heat wave here in Miami and you are all dressed up like an eskimo on the North Pole!

I didn’t love Bernie.

" "

Hey cunt, Rachel. I have two words for you. ANGELINA JOLIE.

Good thing the fire that destroyed my studio also destroyed all the hardcore gay porn I photographed in the 1970s. Yes, I needed the money; it was the recession. Yes, it was legal age, and shame on you for even assuming otherwise. No, I wasn’t in it. Punky will never know the truth.

"Jonathan, why were Tony's soiled jockeys under your pillow? Do you have something to tell me?"

Nanny Babcock: Franny Fine, you dress like a Drag Queen!

[quote]Mary Richards was all hair and no tits.

I told her to get an underwire bra, but in her case that would be like putting racing stripes on an Edsel.

Joanna, why don’t we buy Larry, Darryl, and Darryl some name tags for Christmas so they won’t have to introduce themselves every time they come to visit?

“Sister Bertrille, do you get frequent flyer miles with that?”

I may not be very bright, but at least I’m not a lying cheating scuzzball like my cousin Jessica’s ex-husband Chester Tate.

“Abby, thankfully you had that hysterectomy so we don’t need to worry about having to change the title of the show.”

If Benson got a spin-off, why couldn’t I get one, too, instead of that cheesy unrelated show with Danny Thomas and Martin Short?

“You were never my favorite, I much preferred Marvin!”

If I had gone into pro football instead of selling shoes to women who waddle over the line between human and water buffalo, then I probably would be dead from dementia by now.

The American Diet industry has long since profited off women’s low self-esteem about their bodies, and it’s time I did something about it.

“Kurt, stop stealing my dirty jockstraps and jerking off with them!”

Well, if I had to choose someone to eat to survive I'd pick the Skipper.

Mom? Dad? It's Sheridan. I'm home!

I sabotaged all the rescue efforts on purpose.

So the waxy yellow buildup and the floor cleaner I was using for it caused my nervous breakdown? Talk about a delayed reaction!

Billy Hackett fucked Ethel Mae when the group visited Albuquerque.

"Wait...where’s Chuck?"

Wow, I look skinny compared to Chrissy Metz.

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I had impure thoughts about my roommates. What do I do?

Barbara Eden's and Fannie Flagg's characters on "Harper Valley PTA" were lesbian lovers.

Murray was sucking off Lou in Ted Baxter's Office. Sometimes Mary would watch.

Sometimes Ward was hard on the Beav. Then Wally would take his turn.

Mrs. Partridge your 2 youngest children belong in a special school.

"Cliff, what are you always putting in my drinks? It knocks me out, and then I wake up with a pain in the cunt."

Oh, just cut the shit about Sam the butcher, Alice. You couldn't be a more obvious bulldyke if Nancy Kulp was sitting on your face.

Don't tell Fonz, but the Tuscadero sisters are lezzies!

Thurston, how dare you humiliate me by inviting your "actress" harlot on my BIRTHDAY trip?!

Tell us again how your husband died, Mrs. Partridge. You don't seem very sad and you and the kids never talk him. This is still an open investigation by the way.

Cathy, you know I was the PRETTY one.

Janet even Larry is out of your league.

Lars actually died from AIDS, Phyllis.

You never see my parents because I actually killed both of them several years ago and had them freeze-dried.

Mom, why'd you have to name me after a lady's naughty parts?

Shirl, you've know I've always wanted you, and Carmine's not about to fuck you anytime soon. Let's scissor.

Oh Ma, I forgot to tell you. I finally had that lush of a doorman fired.

I'm sick of Mom and Dad treating the weirdo neighbor geek as one of their own children more than me. I'm going upstairs and leaving in the middle of the night. Watch, they won't even notice me being gone.

Hey Beav, didn't you ever notice that your best friend Larry Mondello is missing? Same thing with that creepy Judy from school.

Actually, Nicole, your mother slept with half of New York, but ours were the only names she remembered.

R142 = Marie Slaughter

Upthread comment about Rachel and Monica being able to afford their apartment on "Friends" - it was actually Monica's grandmother's apartment and they were an illegal sublet paying rent that hadn't changed since the 1950s.

OT: "Danger Will Robinson! Stay away from that old queen!"

How come Rudy gets a sweet bass guitar while the rest of us get instruments made out of broken old junkyard shit?

“Fonzie, I beg of you, for the future of your show and all that come after you don’t do it!”

"Is anybody actually buying this shit?"

Don’t listen to R206. He’s just pissed because he didn’t get the lead in [italic]Jaws[/italic].

[quote]Actually, Nicole, your mother slept with half of New York

The other half is gay, like me.

Where did I go wrong in raising a son who grew up to be a hyper-religious bigot?

Endora, why don't you just shut the fuck up you miserable old cunt.

Joannie you might be way nicer than that dumb ass Chachi, but from the moment he grew taller than you he became too hot to be seen with you at Al’s diner.

I also wanted Charles in charge of me, but he preferred Nicole Eggert instead.

Ward, why don't we poison Eddie Haskell and bury his body in the backyard? I've always hated him, and I don't think we'll get caught.

R214: I was tempted to have my men do the same to Steve Urkel time after time.

Anyone who objects to me talking smack about honkies but makes excuses for Archie Bunker is a racist and a hypocrite. He hates white people, too, unless their ancestors got off the Mayflower. Mine came here on a boat, too, but it sure as hell wasn’t [italic]The Love Boat[/italic].

Rhoda was prettier than Mary.

I wonder whether Franklyn Seales would have had more of a role in [italic]Amen[/italic] if he hadn’t gotten sick and died. Would his character have become a competitor for Thelma’s hand in marriage?

Why do I get raked over the coals for things men get away with on a daily basis?

Mom, why don't you put on a fucking bra? Nobody wants to see your fried-egg tits flopping around.

Nobody complained when I didn’t wear a bra.

Well as a matter of fact, Julie, yes! I DO want him!

Face it, Blanche and Rose: you're limited.

"Ward, you were very hard on the Beaver last night."

Why the hell does everyone call him Lou except you, Mary?

Jesus Christ, Tim. For someone who runs around calling himself the Toolman, you sure have a tiny one. Oh and our middle son is acting like a gay hooker.

The only reason Carrie ended up with the hot millionaire and the rest of us got stuck with losers is that SJP is the executive producer of SatC.

Nanny Fine and her mother are vulgar sows because the producers are self-hating Jews.

How did I end up with this fat loser? I should have fucked Norton at least he can afford a sofa!

Mr. French said, "Your supposedly rich Daddy's apartment looks like an overgrown Motel 6!"

As God is my witness, I'll outlive all of you motherfuckers!

Larry.....sit down please. This is an intervention.

“Missy, Mr. B. has been tenderizing my lady him since you was preg-a-nant with little Harold. I make him rise higher than my Parkerhouse rolls.”

—Hazel

Ann....your neighbor Ginny is a MAN!

"Cindy, it's time that you start attending speech therapy. "

Abby everyone knows you're just Daddy's beard!

Fred, you’re fat and I’m hot. I’m leaving you.

Ralph, you’re fat and I’m hot. I’m leaving you.

Bob, you’re fat and I’m hot. I’m leaving you.

Dick, you’re fat and I’m hot. I’m leaving you.

Jim, you’re fat and I’m hot. I’m leaving you.

Bill, you’re fat and I’m hot. I’m leaving you.

Doug, you’re fat and I’m hot. I’m leaving you.

Philip, you’re fat and I’m hot. I’m leaving you.

Florida, you’re fat and I’m hot. I’m leaving you.

Michael, you’re fat (and bald) and I’m hot. I’m leaving you.

Why the fuck would you marry a beaner in the 1950's Lucy?

Waaah Ricky! The doctor says I have gonorrhea! You've been fucking every show girl in town you bastard!

Well look at me, Lucy! Now look at you! What do I want with a wacky ginger lady, when I could have hot, eager to please showgirls?

I’m homosexual.

Because, Fat Albert at R205, I walked in on Bill Cosby slipping the ’luude Into Miss Berry’s Thermos.

My new Gibson guitar arrives next week. You guys have fun playing your garbage can drums and old radiator!

[quote]I’m homosexual. —Monroe Ficus

Do tell.

I’m such a loser I’d be better off as a homosexual.

Laura, would it kill you to move that damn hassock so I don;t trip over it every time I walk in the door?

Also, why are Buddy and Sally here before me and why am I soprised to see them when I just left them at the office?

[quote]Laura, would it kill you to move that damn hassock so I don;t trip over it every time I walk in the door?

Apparently so.

I don't think you're an alien, rather you've just done a shit ton of cocaine...

R248: MAD Magazine theorized that Mork was an escaped mental patient in the 1990s in an article called “Tell-All Books By TV Characters” and that Mearth was in on it.

I'm gonna fuck up those two down low faggots Will and Carlton.

I’m really just Alex P. Keaton in blackface.

Ross Geller is the most offensive Jewish character ever created.

R228 is projecting [italic]F(r)iends[/italic]’ numerous, fatal, and irredeemable flaws onto a far superior show.

[italic]Seinfeld[/italic] = Katz’s deli

[italic]The Nanny[/italic] = Sardi’s

[italic]F(r)iends[/italic] = the McDonalds in Times Square

Hell, even we were a better depiction of Jews. Oops, I said a dirty word.

r231

Well MOST of us anyhow

Over at the Minute Man Cafe Larry Daryl and Daryl serve the best meat pies in Vermont. Has anyone seen George lately?

Maybe I wouldn’t have been so hard on disco if I could have seen what happened to music after it died.

I am the biggest queen ever to appear on stage, screen or television, yet my part is of a straight married geek.

As fast as she was, Nell really WAS the elephant in the room.

*fat*

I'm not as gross as you make me out to be because some DLers think I'm actually hot

But Blossom, you are so NOT beautiful. He'll never ask you to prom.

Fuck me, brother.

Dorthy why do your son and Blanche's grandson look exactly alike?

My real mom is Florence Jean Castleberry, not that swarthy Jewish bitch.

Why is a successful bank manager like me still living next to this horrible white trash family? And why can't I stop coming over to their house?

George, you sawed-off, pencil dicked black racist, I'm kicking your ass out of my dee-luxe apartment in the sky. And taking you to the cleaners even though you are a dry cleaner.

R237 Why did you include Bob Newhart? He has never been fat.

I really gave up my teaching position at Millard P. Fillmore high school because there was a big fat pedophile in my class!

How come we never see Jethro and Jethrene together?

We're the landlords, so why did we settle for the crumbiest apartment in the building?

R271 crumbiest?

Blanche, you're such a fucking whore an 18-wheeler could park in your cunt.

I know Joe's hot as hell but don't you think it's rushing things to get married when you've only known each other for eight weeks?

Take your fuckin' trustfund to another bank

Heterosexuality is what’s killing the black man that today, tomorrow, and forever.

I'm opposed to fascism, I knew what you were doing all the time. You didn't really think you were that smart did you?

Are you crazy Cy, yelling at Doris like that? Don't you know everyone she's ever known in the past three years has suddenly gone missing

Lisa, I cannot take this place any longer. The phone company sucks, the water and power barely function, the townsfolk are nosy busy-bodies, and everybody here is incompetent, insane, or both! Let's ditch Hooterville and find a better town up north!

I know bathing in the water supply is the only non-square thing you girls ever do, but you've still got to stop. It's unhygienic and grosses out the guests.

Mr. French are you and Miss Faversham doing it?

Is Larry Louises's father or grandfather?

We've always meant to ask you Miss Doris, why is your father only two years older than you?

I'm not Alice -- I'm Kay. And Alice and I are secret lesbian lovers.

I wish Thalia would come back

Look Dummy, I told you why I can't sleep, I keep having this recurring dream, it's ten years ago but we live in England and you drive a horse and I'm and old white gay guy.

Louise everyone liked you better when you wore your hair in a bun, didn't have a full time maid and were not working at the "Help Center."

You’d be way too far for me if I weren’t kind of trashy and raised by a crazy father I force to to house.

Sam, do you think Norm and Cliff are gay? They certainly spend more time with each other than at home.

They are not gay, Diane. They are alcoholics that pay the bills and your wages.

“Fat” not far Carrie heffernan

Blanche, there are lots of women more attractive than you are, in fact even dumb ol’ Rose is miles better looking.

Witchie-poo don't touch that ham sandwich!

Sure, Andrea acts smart, but do you realize she’s been held back eighteen times over the years? How else do you think a high school junior could be pushing forty years old?

Mel Cooley is not a fag, and I’m the dame that can prove it

^^^^^^^ So can I!

Admit it, Basil, we only got married because we were both drunk at the time.

Nanny, your pussy stinks!

Guilfoyle is going to get run over by a driverless car and he would deserve it because he is an alt-right, aspie dork- the rest of Silicon Valley

I would never look at a woman like Liz Lemon - Kris Kross

Thank God Ms. Harper is so bad at doing laundry. I could never stay married to Vint without fantasizing about Bubba's package in those jeans that got tighter every week!

"Shut the fuck up, Lorelai Gilmore!"

Lucy, you are out of your fucking mind! Now that I'm seeing a shrink, I realize how batshit crazy you actually are. Oh, and I'm dumping Fat Freddy too.

I'm gay!

Me too!

Me Three

Does no one care that Steve was fucking me first?

Andy, I don't think it's a good idea to let Opie be alone with Goober or Floyd the barber.

Natalie, stop smirking after every punch line. You aren't that funny, heifer!

Now that Blair and Jo are sharing a room together, we hardly ever see them because they're so busy with their studies! They're up all night, studying together.

I'm not quite sure what was in the milk I was serving at Eastland, but you girls sure have huge tits!

This hotel may have the worst service in Torquay, but if you had half the prats that have come through our doors as guests, your hotel staff would act just the same. Oh, and neither Sybil nor I could do any better than each other, we've settled on that. Now we just wait to see which one will die first.

Mother Jefferson, blow it out your ass!

Agree that Rhoda was better-looking than Mary. Agree that Phyllis looked down on Rhoda because Rhoda was Jewish.

Norm (Cheers) was definitely an alcoholic. Cliff Clavin could quit drinking if he needed to (e.g., if he job as mailman were at risk).

Chandler, it's great that you're off the cocaine. Have you considered getting off the donuts?

R312, How could his job possibly be at risk? He worked for the US Postal Service. He could literally "go postal" and qualify for medical care for the rest of his life.

Anthony, everyone knows you were T. Tommy Reed's bitch! Stop pretending you like women!

Y'all realize that I'm Dorothy, Synclaire is Rose, Regine is Blanche and Max is Sophia, right? That we're in New York and in our 30s and 40s, but we model our lives like 4 white grandmas in Miami? Hell, Overton is the black Miles and Kyle is just black Salvador. We're just missing the black Stan. Y'all see that right?

"Ward, I just saw Eddie Haskell and Wally go into the garage. I looked through the window to see what they were doing, and Eddie was holding Wally's penis in his hand. Oh, Ward, I think Eddie was teaching Wally how to…masturbate."

r306

I think he's safe enough with those two, but he won't be going anyway near Howard.

Ross has loved me all this time? Well since he's butt ugly and I'm very attractive, nothing more about that need ever be said.

Gomer, this might come as quite a shock to you after 5 seasons, but it's really time we sat down and talked about a place called Vietnam.

Jackie, why did you turn up your nose at Booker? It's not like you're gonna do no better.

[quote]Me Three —Sulu

Me four!

Did you see who just moved in? Some Spic bongo player and his red headed floozy. This building is turning into a slum!

Caroline, he's gay!

To go with R324

What yes, Lorelai, you actually ARE a slut, having a baby at 16. Really? And would you do us all a favor and STFU for a minute with your insane nonstop babble interspersed with obscure references? It doesn't make you "hip" or "quirky" it makes you annoying as hell.

Margaret, put on a bra.

Not you, Marcia, no need for a bra.

Mom, dad, why were you allowed to raise me without adult supervision since you were both only 13 when I was born?

OK, Captain, I'll go check out that strange noise behind that rock. Sure thing. And why don't you call me by my real name from now on - "Cannon Fodder".

Look Daddy, Donald is good enough for me, unless I become famous.

"Will, why does Dr. Smith keep talking about 'landing on Uranus'? You know the Jupiter 2 can;t land on gas giants!"

Ernie I know you're an orphan but since Mike's getting married and moving out, I need another third son

Where's your Mama Raj? Don't tell me something that large could just disappear?

Find a job, you had one in New York, why can't you get a job sweeping? What are you too good?

Shut Up Julia

R263

Andy, doesn't it seem strange to you that every single person in Mayberry drives a Ford?

So, Alice, all this time you've been dating Sam the butcher, you never told us that Sam is short for "Samantha"?

Ellen, I don't think he's the one. Just a feeling.

Carla, you're a stupid little troll who screwed up your life because you wouldn't go on birth control and fucked any man who would have your ugly ass. Shut the fuck up and stop being so miserable, or get the fuck out.

How come both of us are olive skinned brunettes, but all three of our kids are fair-skinned with blonde hair? Why does my Italian dad look so Irish?

Jo, are you sure you're from the Bronx? Your accent is about as believable as mine.

Look Blair, you go around here thinking you're all that and so pretty, well everyone thinks you're just fat

Andy's taken a job in Charlotte and Goober is now deputy by himself? So all those years, we really didn't have to have a sheriff.

Dwayne at R334 come here Honey. The best thing you can do is kept quiet and keep that bubble butt as visible as possible. It's okay baby.

Remember when I was fat and you were hip and pretty and thin. Now we're both thin and I'm pretty and funnier than you. Kinda gives me a feeling of deja vu

I'm sad the precinct is closing but let's face it in the last eight years all our crimes were hilarious not serious.

Girls, this room constantly smells of dried blood and Dorito farts!

Roseanne, you are indeed a cunt.

[quote] Remember when I was fat and you were hip and pretty and thin. Now we're both thin and I'm pretty and funnier than you.

Girl, I got my life from that story.

I wouldn't have to fuck my oldest step son , if my husband wasn't a faggot .

"Mom, you're a total cunt"

Lionel's cock made my coochie sore.

Now, that I'm married to Fran. I miss Niles sucking my cock.

Y'all want to know the REAL reason I was always taking Jethro behind the wood shed. WEEEDOGGGGIES

You're having a meltdown over fucking Jermaine Jackson of all people, Tootie? It's not like this Michael we're talking about here. Get it together, braceface! *slap*

Go ahead and expel me for smoking pot. I don’t need you fat hos anyway, and neither does that Ringwald girl you just fired. Before this century is over, I’ll have my own show, an Emmy, and an Oscar, and all you’ll have to show for your modest cultural achievements will be one gay ex-husband after another and a string of fat jokes by a woman who died on a plastic surgeon’s table and lesbian jokes by every male comedian under 50!

How is it that you made it from Ensign to Captain in 8 years while I've been stuck as First Officer (under two Captains mind you) for the past 14 years? This is not logical!

Admit it, Dorothy. I get all the action because half the men in Miami think you're a Lebanese... um... Lesbian.

Why are all these homosexual men obsessed with my son and grandson? Perhaps Dexter can answer that question.

Thanks for destroying me, Alex. Anything was better than life in an ugly pot in a drab, suffocating apartment with three bitches constantly screaming at each other. If it wasn’t for that pervert landlord, I’d never have gotten watered at all.

George, you’re fat but I’m not that hot, so I’ll stick it out for the sake of the little black boy.

Do you Sugarbaker, et al bitches ever, actually, DESIGN anything? Because it mostly seems like your sit around just bitching about everything.

They took us off the air to prop up a rapist as a role model?

Stay the hell out, Kramer!

Dan to Roseanne Connor: "How did we ever end up with a daughter that looked like Beckys?"

Shnurf mgwee shnarrk un rrurrrpen hniff. Jo nhlehzhbian

I'd fuck Jennifer but I'd marry Bailey.

Mom, you really should only by panties that are navy or black if you catch my drift...

I was designed for OCCASIONAL use!

Goddamn it, Ed, can you PLEASE shower as soon as you come home. You stink of sewer!

You know, Marcia, we're not REALLY brother and sister.

Dammit Willona, KNOCK before you come barging in! You tryna get shot up in this bitch?!

Hey, Abbott! Get off my ass.

Grope me again, Dan Fielding, and I’ll kick you in the balls.

HARRIET: Ozzie, would you [italic]please[/italic] at least light a match when you use the bathroom? The air in there has turned brown.

OZZIE: I'm sorry, dear, but you know all that ice cream I eat gives me the flaming shits.

Bubba, you are the only reason gays still watch my show.

Lester, you stay away from that whore Sondra, or I’ll kill you in your sleep.

Dr Huxtable, can I see your qualifications? I’m beginning to think you don’t really have any right to be handing out pills to your patients.

I have to put your WHAT in my WHERE to get this part?

Mommy? Daddy? Is that you? You’re telling me it’s nowhere near my time yet and you’re not ready for me to join you in Heaven? And not to get upset when Grandma makes me eat my Brussels sprouts?

[quote]Dr Huxtable, can I see your qualifications? I’m beginning to think you don’t really have any right to be handing out pills to your patients. —Cockroach

At least I’m honest about it, but the Big Pharma kickbacks are just too damn good to pass up. That country club membership doesn’t pay for itself.

"Kramer, you need to start taking Xanax."

Knowing what we know now, isn't it creepy that Dr. Huxtable is a OB/GYN?

You’re a pretty WASPY looking Iraqi, Genie.

[quote]I'd fuck Jennifer but I'd marry Bailey. —Andy Travis

Les Nessman feels the same way about you, Andy.

Carl, you’re fat and I’m dying, so I’m leaving you and the girls to the care of this 300 pound black female singer.

[quote]Grope me again, Dan Fielding, and I’ll kick you in the balls. —Christine Sullivan and the #MeToo Movement

What she said.

[quote] Knowing what we know now, isn't it creepy that Dr. Huxtable is a OB/GYN?

OMG, I forgot he played an OB/GYN. I think part of his persona was that he had to dash off to surgery, but they could have made him some other type of doctor that performs surgery.

It does seem like 1980s style trolling r390

You Nazi's are really kind of cool

Yeah I was naked in the cupboard with Vicki. Jeez Dad you're the one who made the human robot and put her in my bedroom, you must've know this would happen sooner or later

We'll be good dad, we promise, just don't make us look at Uncle Jesse's belly button again.

Face it Balki, there's no reason for these two hot babes to tolerate us, much less marry us. One day we WILL go to bed and not wake up

Either put on another shirt or put some band-aids on them, this is the 50s Bud and we don't need to see your man nipples

This is one time Father doesn't know best, R396.

Rob: Laura, don't you think it's time.

Laura: Alright, Rob. Your bed or mine.

You want the truth Helen? I'd rather fuck Jack Tripper's tight ass than your dry pussy!

WARD: June, after all these years I think it's time we tried anal sex.

JUNE: Oh Ward, I think you should leave it to beaver.

Ginger, you have some drops of The Professor's jizz on the corner of your mouth.

WILL: Grace, you're getting in the way of my erotic lifestyle!

(pushes her off that balcony... SPLAT!)

"Ma'am, why do you pee standing up?"

Mary, if you thought Sondra was a ho, you should have seen me during the 1920s.

Shut up, Hawkeye! Your constant bitching is making this three-year war feel like 11 years.

It's true. Weezie was born male and Lionel was adopted.

R405 I’m so glad someone said it. Hawkeye’s holier than thou attitude could do with a good crack to the jaw.

And fuck you too, AGAIN, Hawkeye! I'm taking my manly hairy chest where it can do some good! Do....as you wish with that hairless concave thing you have going on.

Why does Alice keep finding crusty old gym socks under both Peter and Greg’s bed?

No, Mr. J, I can’t say I’m privy to any kind of conspiracy by Russia to manipulate an election.

r393

I did think about that, that is why I made the robot FEMALE.

Marion why did you move the fuckin' door?

Look Miriam, we went out a few times, had some fun, but if you weren't good enough for Sheriff Taylor, you aren't good enough for me

George look at this, first he was skipping backwards, then setting up toll booths in the driveway, now he's up a tree throwing leaves. Face it, it's time to put Harold in the attic and keep him there

Reuben, fuck me.

Okay, I admit it: I finked on the Tanners once I extracted a confession out of my nephew Jake about the alien living next door.

Reuben, fuck me

Keith, fuck me

Shirley fuck me

Yeah???? All you Partridges can go fuck yourselves.

LMAO r60! hahaaa

Suck my dick, Kimmy Gibler

I told Mr French if he didn't like being a nanny to you children he could quit, but let's face it, if I have to choose, he ain't going anywhere

I had my chopper shot down on purpose just to avoid spending another minute with that sanctimonious windbag r405.

"Now Mama, I'm no genius but I'm not nearly as dumb as you like to think I am. I work a no-stress job, fuck my wife on a daily basis, live rent free, have my clothes laundered and pressed, have all my meals prepared for me...at no cost. Now who is the dumb one?"

Christine @ R376, join our class action lawsuit against Judge Harry T. Stone for allowing the hostile work environment that got us killed or fired!

Sincerely,

The Estate of Selma Hacker, the Estate of Florence Kleiner, Billie Young, Lana Wagner, Liz Williams, etc.

It was a lie, the whole thing a big fat lie, I'm really just a drunk

You know Kate, our life would be much better if I were surrounded by six funny sketch comics and you had a closeted homosexual husband

You came back with the kids? Well who the hell asked you back? They don't hire the maid. I'm keeping Kay

Why am I fug and my brother Joey is hot AF?

One day and I'm Dreaming of being in Howard's tunnel and the next I'm desiring sex with women???

Raj

Oh Janet Trego, in a few years that horrible black wig will be the least of your problems.

Liberace is kinda of touchy-feely, and why is Uncle Harry is staring at my crotch like I wet my pants?

Every single other male actor on this show is gay gay gay.

I don't know why I bought that apartment building in Milwaukee, but I did so I better go move there to run it. So long Edith

From now on you are JAMES, do you hear me? Henry no longer exists

Gabe your students are weird, I mean how often do you have four delinquents and the black guy is the normal one?

Vern Albright is a cocksucker.

My children are gone? Que sera sera

Bobby, you're cute and you're a nice guy but I can't date you. I don't even know what's going on with you talking to that puppet you call your cousin from Atlanta. Just, get some help and have a nice life, ok?

Skippy, it’s no use. We all know it’s really Alex you want. You’re not fooling me or anyone else, least of all yourself. I know all about these things; I watch [italic]St. Elsewhere[/italic].

My nephew is a total flamer.

I swear Major Nelson, I never laid a hand on Jeannie.

LMAO at the comment about the posters being old, but I'm 50 and some of these shows were before my time.

I’m 43 r444, and I don’t get at least half the references. But it’s a funny thread all the same.

Jerry Seinfeld would have dumped George and Kramer from his band of friends in real life.

Damnit Julie, quit fucking your father.

R446 well considering both Kramer and George were based on his actual friends, maybe not.

R448, Kramer was based on Larry David’s next door neighbor.

Who Jerry knew r449.

How on earth did I end up so fat and ugly when I have parents who are so gorgeous?

Yes, r450, but in passing.

Knowing someone and considering them your friend, especially as portrayed in the series, are entirely different things.

David and Darlene - YOU'RE BOTH GAY!

Wait...Julie, YOU'RE calling Trish the Dish a skank? That's rich...

Wow, Hawkeye. I had the strangest dream last night where I was a radio shrink in Portland with two teenage daughters, one of whom would grow up to be a drunken train wreck, and I still served in the war only with a millionaire who went on to adopt two black kids and fathered a white daughter who is an even bigger train wreck. It was similar to that other, even more unfunny dream I had a few nights ago where I was a priest.

Jerry, I just came back from the fortune teller who said I'd move to Queens with our daughter, she'd marry some Steve Lawrence lookalike and have some screeching pain in the ass, Jewish sterotype daughter who will be a nanny for Shane Donovan and his three brat kids.

Maybe I should get an abortion.

Now where did I put my vibrator??

Now where is it???

Why do you have a step on the inside of your house leading from the front door to the living room? Ive never seen such a thing in real life. Also, going upstairs you have one step up and on the 2nd step is a landing. I’ve never seen this before either.

It’s almost as if your house was built so that the star of a tv show could make an entrance on that indoor front step, allowing time for an audience to applaud before the star steps down into the living area. And the second or third stair landing is for an actor to deliver an angry/hilarious line before running up the rest of the stairs.

Note the Family Ties set. The door opens onto a landing, then down one step into the living room. To the left of the door is a stairway with a landing on the 3rd step.

I have noticed this too. I hinknit started in the 50s and 60s when broadway set designers were prevalent in early tv. Watch the play and then the movie of Narefoot in the Park w Redford and Fonda. The set is so reidiculoudly a theater set. They live in a crappy nyc apartment and have two or three steps down from kitchen to living room. No nyc apartments of that level do that.

^ typos. Sorry

All in the Family set has 3rd step landing

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

Wow, Carol, you really have really big knockers. Certainly you didn't inherit them from me.

Grandma and Grandpa, I'm severely traumatized because my mother is a neurotic mess and my late father was a philandering asshole no one ever saw who left us no money when he died, despite his thriving dermatology practice. Either send me to therapy or I'll find another boy to marry whose parents are midgets!

Jeezus, Florida, that is one hell of a commute from Cabrini Green in Chicago to Westchester County. But what do I care. Go clean the fucking toilets.

Dorothy, just a suggestion, but maybe all that cheesecake you are eating has something to do with your chronic fatigue syndrome.

Jessica, you're such a sweet sister, but you're obviously just as nuts as Daddy. I'm glad I look nothing like either of you--obviously I must have been adopted, and so won't inherit your shared crazy genes.

Bob, I'm leaving you for the handyman at some Vermont inn.

Why the hell haven't we changed the locks to stop this annoying neighbor from constantly barging in?

Damn...damn...damn, Thelma got ass!

I've carried this show since season 1... don't get on my bad side.

[quote]Oh, Janet Trego, in a few years that horrible black wig will be the least of your problems. -- Jane Hathaway

I'm going straight to hell for laughing at this.

And even if I don’t go to jail for raping Nicole Eggert, I will in all likeliness still go to Hell.

R459, I actually have both a raised foyer AND third-step landing on the staircase in my home. I use them exactly as you describe.

Do you have a swinging kitchen door?

LEADING LADY: Hey LEAD GUY, can I talk to you you in the kitchen?

SUPPORTING CAST: You know we can hear everything you’re saying, right? You’re only five steps away and maybe behind a counter.

R477, yes. 😂

Why does my twin look Asian?

Do you keep milk in a white pitcher?

Carol: Mom why is Florida late?

Maude: She lives in Chicago....you'd be late too if you did!

Let's stop forgiving and start forgetting Zack for all the torture and humiliation his sociopathic ass put us through in middle school, high school, and college!

Hey Ethel, did you know there's a website of earring and caftan wearing dinosaur gays who include you in every single poll conducted?

You would know all about dinosaurs, R484, since your first job was walking them.

Oh go pull your pants up some more, Fred.

One phone call to the NYPD and the phrase “domestic violence” can put you away for a long time, so watch it, fat boy.

At least I never hit my boy like that Romano bitch did to her kids - and someone else’s. In fact, I even let him stay overnight with a gay football player. But he never responded to my question about getting a gig singing the national anthem at one of his games.

Mommmmmmm? Greg is putting peanut butter all over his weiner again so Tiger will lick it off!

I'm not squinting. This is just the face I make when I queef.

Natalie had to have her beef curtains surgically reduced cuz they hung so low, she basically had a scrotum.

That’s impossible, R489. Remember that night I made Chinese food?

The Sugarbaker house didn't have funky stairs, but it did have a bizarre overhead balcony.

My husband was a big ol' girly bear behind the scenes.

"Did you wash your hands first, Blanche?"

R477 "What am I supposed to do with half a door; lean over it like Mr. Ed?"

On the subject of stairs, what about two sets of stairs? One in the kitchen and one in the living room. Off the top of my head I can think of Full House, The Hogan Family, and Step by Step. I've never seen that in real life.

Hey Mom, what happened to our dog Simon? And why is the roast so tough?

For Christ’s sake, shut up and go to fucking sleep!

R497 I've seen that in real life houses.

R493 The problem was they never used the balcony to its full potential.

They called her 'Tootie' because she wouldn't stop farting. They were originally going to call her 'Fartblossom,' but decided that wasn't genteel.

Later they called her "Titty" when those humongous breast-icles grew in.

Mr. Drummond, I just had a strange dream where I was a talking blowfish who gave boating lessons to a sponge who lives in a pineapple under the sea...and he keeps flunking my class! Do you think that means something?

Eat a fucking CHEESEBURGER, girl!

Pearl, you do understand when the show ends you'll have to move to Baltimore. Watch out for your neighbor Beverly Sutphin.

Oh Hoss, we're all guys out here. What do you think is happening in bed every night?

“Murray, are you a closeted homosexual??!”

Michael, It gets better.

thanks, r496, for reminding us why laugh tracks are the stupidest fucking things in history.

No amount of aerobics will help you fat menopausal bitches.

We actually are huge bull dykes.

IT IS NOT A LIVING, ACTUALLY!!

[quote]We actually are huge bull dykes. —Pat and Kathy, Image Consultants

I could have told you that if I hadn’t been fired for encouraging Sophia to bet her whole social security check at the track.

Do not ask about my relatives. Last I heard they were in Buenos Aires in the 1940s. Maybe they can comment on the historical accuracy of [italic]Evita[/italic].

Dennis dumped me for Rodney Raisin? Look on the bright side: at least I still kept my penis and I won’t die young like football players have statistically been shown to.

I’m not gonna lie. When three of those four old ladies who used to live down the street said they were moving to a place called “Golden Palace,” I thought they meant that Chinese restaurant down the road. Turns out it was just some three-star hotel by the beach. Phew, at least I’m safe. But three stars for that dump? I’ve seen kennels that were nicer than that!

Herman, why isn't your dick proportionate to your height?

Dad? Are all the girls in the house synched up on their periods?

Dad? Why does Sam the butcher call you a "Nancy boy"?

Why am I lightskin?

For the ratings, Denise.

Uncle Joe you've got to stop clogging up the toilet!

Why does Drake and Josh’s room always smell like ass?

Cindy Snow to Jack and Janet: "Cousin Chrissy is 35 years old and she was held back 5 times in the 5th grade."

[quote]Knowing what we know now, isn't it creepy that Dr. Huxtable is a OB/GYN?

It sort of it is. The original plan/pilot for the Cosby Show was that the parent characters were supposed to be a limo driver and a plumber. Cosby's wife Camille didn't like that and she pushed Cosby and the creators to change the parents to a doctor and lawyer. I wonder whose idea it was for Huxtable to be OB/GYN physician.

That Camille was uppity.

R526 She and her husband deserved each other.

I’m betting it was Cosby r525. I think Camille’s idea was a good one in that it bucked the African American stereotype portrayed on TV up until then. It apparently had a very positive effect on many young African Americans too, who saw that there were other possibilities out there for them, but I have no doubt the OB/GYN was Cosby’s idea. He had a lot of creative control over that show and no doubt had the final say over his character’s profession.

"Silvio, enough already, with that pelt on your head." (Yes, The Sopranos was, in large part, comedy / sitcom.)

The Cosby is still the greatest family sitcom of all time. I don't care what anyone says.

If this is really the Fifties, why is your hair feathered, Potsie? Or yours, Joanie? Or yours, Lori Beth?

Mom, since Alice does all of the cooking and the cleaning and the laundry, just what exactly do you do all day?

I need to stop fucking my tv brother.

You work all day around this apartment? It's two tiny rooms.

R530 no one was discussing the quality of the show, I liked it a lot too. And the character of Dr Huxtable was a devoted family man. But Cosby wasn’t Dr Huxtable, he was a serial rapist who deliberately chose, of all professions on earth, to play Dr Huxtable as a OB/GYN. If that isn’t low level trolling of his victims, I don’t know what is.

Dear Hitler:

You DO know that Sgt. Schultz, Col. Klink, and Gen. Burkhalter are all Jewish, right?

Signed, Col. Hogan, not yet murdered in a sleazy motel

Dorothy, Rose & Blanche are at The Limited.

Let's Fuck!

Cat; I'm with you because you're easy agreeable pretty pussy and no-one will question why your balloon-brained self is dropped out of high-school to shack up with me. You'd better believe when Carly goes to College I will be paying you dust so I can be the first one diving under the blankets in her dorm.

We good here? I have to get us some money so we can eat today, probably shoplifting and mugging skinny teen fags in the mall parking lot. Peace.

Dear Ricky:

It wasn’t my idea to leave town for St. Louis It was my mother’s after my father cheated on her. I would never do that to you. This may seem weird and strange to you, but I really am attracted to you. The only reason I made you wear a dress to the Badger party was because that was the only way I could go out with you in public on anything resembling a date. Maybe there will someday come a time, hopefully by the time we both grow up, when two men will be able to express love for each other openly without persecution. Until then, we must keep corresponding in secret. I feel like you feel the same way, too, because when we hugged each other goodbye, it seems like we never wanted that feeling to end. That’s part of why I acted out the way I did: I didn’t know how else to express how I felt. If I told anyone else how I felt, they would laugh at me, make fun of me or try to hurt me. If you are capable of feeling love for another male, please let it be me.

Why can't we have actual furniture like Trixie and Ed, Ralph?

r443

Why would I not believe that?

Why can't you damn witches get your "witch rules" straight?

Granny how come sometimes you know what penicillin is and sometimes you don't? It's almost as if the mood strikes you funny?

I don't care if Miss Jane has been a very good friend to us, I ain't leaving no money to a lesbian

Snap your fingers at me all you want. It doesn't impress me, after all I'm the female version of you

He dances, he sings, he wants to go to Broadway and Carmine's been dating you since high school and doesn't mind that you don't put out. Shirley how stupid are you?

Angie now that you've married a rich doctor, I'm going to move to New York to be with your brothers Raymond and Robert.

Hey Ricky, I think I'm going to like our new neighbors. Her name is Joan and her husband Bradley is a judge.

Janet, you look like you have a really hairy bush...I mean really hairy! Like seriously, it looks like you're hiding a bear cub down there...

I was ass-raped in jail and no one did anything about it.

[quote]Rerun, chill, bro! Stop eatin at the soda shop every day. —Shirley

He’s the only reason this dump is still in business. Ever notice why Dwayne and I are so skinny and he ...: isn’t? And how come Rob disappeared off the face of the Earth some time between 1979 and 1985? You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?

"Let me get this straight Rose,

Charlie stayed with you in a burning house as it went from a 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom place to a 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom place?"

"He was just as FUCKED IN THE HEAD as you were

YOU CRAZY DUMBASS!!!"

Now I know why there’s no money left for little Charlie and me.

Here's your $10,000 fee to kill Urkel. Just make it look like an accident.

I knew that “woman” I set the Chief up with was a man all along. Serves him right for the way he treated that gay cop.

"These stranded castaways sew their own clothes -that they might need later- to make a stage curtain for just the seven of them?

Those bitches better not ask to borrow any of mine while I'm here!

Well that explains why three of the guys always wear the same stinky clothes every damn day.

I'm not sharing my rescue craft with any of them smelly bums. They can wait for the next one."

How can you not know what your kids are doing in the basement, Kitty and Red? The whole damn neighborhood reeks of pot.

You mean that fruit Tripper lied about being a fruit just to rent the apartment with those two girls? Son of a bitch! And he still pulled the wool over Furley’s eyes after I sold the building to him, or was Furley one, too?

Who da fuck keeps letting Steve Urkel in my house?

Jamie, you’re a fat loser who will never amount to anything, your father is a self-hating homosexual, and Harriet’s in love with me now. That’s right, she went black and she’s not going back.

You know, master, all you have to do is wish it so and I could make it bigger.

Please wish it so.

David, you’re an asshole for pushing your brothers’ heads out of the way in the picture of you guys. Mark almost broke his neck. You never would have done this if your mother was still alive.

Sam, I just had this awful dream where I was Archie Bunker and Wanda the Ugly Woman from [italic]In Living Color[/italic] was George Jefferson. What do you think it means? Do you think it’s related to those weird dreams about Wesley Snipes?

We just saw the film "Christine" Tink.

Speed Buggy has the hots for you & that might be bad for us.

Katherine, after what I saw him and his blond friend Rob doing inside your secret passages, I believe it’s time you and George had a talk with Webster about the birds and the bees. It wouldn’t sound right coming from me since I have no wife for obvious reasons.

Ooh! I love a short hairy man with big feet, no clothes & the IQ of a turnip.

Ow, my throat.

With rent going up in LA, I’m saving a whole lot money living at home with you, Pop. Money we can use to buy Julio’s place and turn it into Sanford Arms. Now who’s the big dummy?

My autobiography will include this immortal line =

"In all of my years, I never had a damn single thing to say."

How did two skinny old people like us raise two incredibly fat sons as Carl and Ed, and how did all of my granddaughters turn out so skinny? Does obesity really skip a generation? At least it’s getting some kind of physical activity.

Alice, I keep having these dreams: one where I’m a talking gorilla for sale at any price, and another where my best friend is a bigot who owns a bar. I think I need a Hawaiian vacation more than you and the Bradys did!

Emily, you won’t believe this huckster on TV is saying. If he’s to be believed, then that dream I had the other night about the inn in Vermont and those three backwoods brothers was actually a long-running sitcom in a parallel universe!

If Johnny Fever would just go to rehab I bet he'd be able to get a respectable job, like a high school teacher

No Roger, no Rerun, no rent, huh? Ok.

Watch how fast we throw yo ass to the curb.

[quote]If Johnny Fever would just go to rehab I bet he'd be able to get a respectable job, like a high school teacher

Or even a commander of a police precinct, Andy.

Marge, why do Bart and Lisa sound menopausal these days?

If we can kill Young Sheldon it will mean NO Big Bang Theory.

Adding an obnoxious redheaded stepchild seemed like a good idea at the time, but everyone hates him! Time for a "very special episode" involving a freak fall from the window, eh?

Really, I don’t hate Jodie or his fag lifestyle whatever comment I make about it. Truthfully, I have a soft spot for him and have come to think of him like a brother.

He just makes it too easy to laugh at his expense and that’s why I rib him so much. It’s a tough world out there and he’s too much of an emotional trusting fellow - just look at his shabby taste in men, or the time he locked me in a working refrigerator because the mood took him. I don’t want him to wilt like a hothouse flower when the real assholes out there bent or otherwise find out his story and try to mess with him.

Lord knows that sawdust-brain Chuck isn’t any help in that department, and so drilling the fairy into some moxie falls to me.

Burt, you're on the spectrum.

On the Beverly Hillbillies, Jethro was a cross dresser and Jethrine (allegedly his twin sister) was actually him. His mother, Pearl, wanted him to get away from the locals because they were getting suspicious. As it worked out, Miss Hathaway was very sympathetic and often took Jethro (Jethrine) to establishments where he could be free to express himself. Miss Hathaway was also a mentor to Ellie May, Jed's butch daughter. No wonder she was over at the Clampett's so often.

That’s something in a sitcom that needed to be “said,” r581? Or your fanfic?

Mom!!! Alice left a huge log in the toilet and didn't flush it. Again.

Save it for the soup, dear.

Ok Mom. Should I fish it out with my hands?

No, use Peter’s tennis racquet.

Mother, have you ever noticed how all the food in the house is from Quaker Oats or why all the cars in a 25 mile radius are from Chevrolet?

Yeah, Rob, I could’ve gone to college, too, if the good ones had admitted Jews at the time.

Hey, Mr. Douglas! I noticed that you and the Mrs. have had trouble actually growing stuff since you moved to Hooterville. I’ve got cannabis clones I’ll let you purchase in a just to see if you can actually grow something.

Hey, Paw! Isn’t that Gomer Pyle fornicating with Floyd the Barber in the bushes behind the fishin’ hole?

[quote]Adding an obnoxious redheaded stepchild seemed like a good idea at the time, but everyone hates him! Time for a "very special episode" involving a freak fall from the window, eh? —Mr. Drummond

Let me do it, Daddy.I’ve had it in for the misogynistic little creep ever since he ratted me out for barfing chow.

Don’t get all skeeved about Bill Cosby playing an OB/GYN. It’s not like Cliff Huxtable ever worked.

Most TV character actors didn’t have long careers back in the day. I’ve been watching Hitchcock, The Fugitive, The Untouchables and the Twilight Zone on MeTv.

Some of those actors are so familiar I actually know their names. I figured they must’ve died by 1980 because I never saw them on TV after the early 70s. Turns out they all lived into the late 1990s and 2000s. They just never got work after they did about 10 years worth of tv roles.

Um. Gee, thanks, r593. Thanks a bunch.

Even if he is the better actor of the two, the only reason I married Kate and not Dexter is because my father was still alive, I had my inheritance to think about, it was 1985, and we were in Disney’s old time slot.

FUCK ME KELSEY!!!

Fuck me, Niles! I mean the butler.

Maybe I might have been more sympathetic if I had been a lesbian.

Valerie, the only reason I bring you all these sugary desserts and starchy side dishes without asking is because I really want to stare at your husband and barely legal oldest son in their tight jeans.

This thread has been recorded on tape before a live audience.

And I really am a meathead for walking out on Gloria and Joey.

Kirk: Spock I've always loved you and want that huge Vulcan cock up my ass. Spock: Jim finally! Lets FUCK and do what EVERYBODY knows! And what WE want to do!!!