My straight English flatmate (with an Asian girlfriend) told me that he woke up stiff and could do with a massage.

No, but he wouldn't mind a hand job.

Can't he say, " fuck me!"

5 / 10

That's higher than the average around here, R3, thanks!

No pics, OP?

Depends, OP. Did he ask you to massage his hole?

Totally, OP.

Now get off (pun intended) and go pound his manpussy

Bitch wants to stiff you for rent. Better call in a train to get your moneys worth.

Today we were talking on the deck and he was describing what he does to stay fit. He doesn't go to the gym, but since he's 23 he doesn't really need to. He said that he prefers being "lean and lithe" to built. Then he lifted up his hoodie and shirt and flexed his abs, but pretended to be stretching.

I am increasingly convinced that he wants his hole pounded out.

"lean and lithe"? He ain't straight, OP.

lithe?

Is that an english thing to say? A 23 year old from AmeriCanada wouldn't know to even use that word,

I don't know if it's an English thing to say, R11. But he's fairly well-educated (philosophy degree from a red brick university).

And for those asking for a picture, I can at least manage a description. He's 5'8," very slim, cobalt blue eyes behind rectangular plastic frames, blond with a medium-length undercut, a full beard that's strawberry blond in places, a small moustache, very hairy chest, no ass at all (such that his jeans are always falling down to reveal his CKs). Not much of a bulge in the gray sweatpants he was wearing this morning, unfortunately.

Avoid his uncut dick. Uncut dicks are scientifically proven to spread more disease.

And they smell bad too.

What are your stats, OP? Because “typical DLer” doesn’t sound too enticing.

Is he gay? Or just English?

Fair point, R15. I suppose I'm 40 or so years younger than the typical DLer and have never owned a caftan. However, the propensity to think straight men want to have sex with me remains.

R12 meh. Why bother.

I like you added that he had Asian GF—-next step is gay.

If you have time to chitchat with old peep on DL, you ain't got any cock, bitch. Try again with your wishful anecdote next time.

3/10

OP, first you must sniff his dirty undies to get a feeling for whether you have compatible personalities. Do this before going any further.

Like this, R12?

That dude isn't "very slim" he's well built.

Yeah he's a lot svelter than that, R22. And his hair isn't long enough to tie back.

He asked me today if I wanted to watch a movie together in his room. The TV's across from his bed. No one else was home. I was flustered and told him I had to work on a thing I've been writing for a while and putting off.

Is it normal for a straight guy to invite his gay friend to watch a movie with him in bed? It's not like we don't have a TV in the living room.

Don't have sex with an acceptable flatmate, unless you think you might be in love.

Straight english... I call bullshit on that one. There is no such Thing OP

We were sitting next to each other at the kitchen bar yesterday and he brushed against my crotch while reaching for something. I was wearing mid-thigh shorts and noticed he kept looking down at my legs as we were eating.

This morning we were talking on the couch and he said he didn't want to rule out having a relationship with a man one day, because "you just never know, anything's possible." He randomly put a throw pillow over his lap as we were chatting about this.

He's seeing the girlfriend today. I realize I'm thinking about him all the time now.

Lift your caftan and say "yum," OP. See what happens.

OP, present hole

OP, this begs for you to need help with something without leaving your bubble bath. See if he climbs in with you - or runs to the kitchen, grabs the toaster, plugs it into the electrical outlet beneath the vanity...

I've already said I don't own any caftans, R28. I do own a bathrobe, but it's not the most flattering garment.

He practically presents hole to me multiple times a day, R29, since his jeans are constantly sliding down past his skinny ass and exposing his sheer trunks.

Oh, and forget what I said about lack of bulge. He was lying on the couch yesterday morning and I could clearly make out his flaccid (uncut) cock outline in his grey sweatpants. It looked very thick.

This sounds like a porn novel.

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

Has an Asian girlfriend? OP, hope you like soy sauce because that's what his dick is gonna taste like.

No, R33. He's 23, strawberry blond and very twinky. Much more delicate features. Downright beautiful when he takes off his glasses, especially his eyes.

I do like soy sauce, R34, but I don't see why his girlfriend's vagina would be soy-infused. Besides, they use protection.

Anyway, according to DL, his uncut cock will taste overpoweringly of smegma, so I doubt I would notice even if that were the case.

Is his name Joel, OP?

No, R36. All of this is true, though I respect the time-honored tradition of calling EST.

OP is Richard Simmons

OP, try the following:

Find a night when you are both home and suggest you sit down and talk. Turn off your phones. Dim the lights, put on some relaxing music and open a couple of beers. (Have plenty of beer, or whatever you're both drinking on hand.) If he asks why you want to talk, just say that you both come and go but never have quality time to unload and just talk. Say you feel very comfortable talking with him. Be sure to look him square in the eyes when he is talking to you. Then let the magic happen.

Why does a man who types 55 have a flatmate let alone a 20 something.

“Find a night when you are both home and suggest you sit down and talk....If he asks why you want to talk, just say that you both come and go but never have quality time to unload and just talk.”

Be sure to stress come and unload, perhaps repeating them for emphasis.

OP, I'm not sure what the answer is here, but it probably involves volunteering.

Maybe because I'm not 55, R40. And expecting millennials to type in broken English or with a surfeit of emojis is kind of a tired stereotype.

So he asked me if I wanted to go for a walk through one of the parks in our neighborhood. I said yes and made some comment about wanting to fit into my 29 waist jeans again without them being tight around the thighs like they are now. He said he wears 30 and then did the cute English thing where he tried to figure out whether the clothes sizes were different.

It was sunny when we left the house, but as soon as we'd reached the end of the block it started pouring down rain. I opened my umbrella and tried to hold it over both of us; he put the hood of his hoodie over his head and told me not to worry about him and that I should keep myself dry. We ambled along to one of the main thoroughfares of our suburb and walked for a while, but pretty soon the wind was howling and the rain lashing against the back of my neck. I told him we had to get out of the rain and he agreed, complaining sheepishly about a puddle in one of his shoes. We crossed the street and dashed under the eaves of the shops--I suggested we pick up some things from the grocery store. As we were walking around shopping, I asked him to go to the produce section and get me the largest eggplant he could find and two large zucchini. I actually needed them for cooking....

Once we'd checked out he insisted on carrying the groceries back to our house. The rain had cleared up when we exited the grocery store and the afternoon light was resplendent. When we were about halfway home, I held out my bag of groceries to him to prove that it was heavier than his. He grabbed it and wouldn't let me take it back until we were at our front door.

We made dinner together and shared a bottle of wine. When we clinked glasses he said a phrase in French that I didn't understand, but I was too bashful to ask him what he'd said.

I think I'm falling for him, DL.

And I am called a fucking EST and a troll !!! OP... THAT. NEVER. HAPPENED.

It really did, R45. I know my prose was a little purple but I've had a couple glasses of wine and am a little heady with oxytocin.

Of course it would be an EST if, after dinner, he'd led me to his bed and asked me to ravish him. Instead we cleaned up the kitchen and he told me he was going to crash early.

Zucchini and eggplant are USA words. Different words are used in England.

I'm aware of that, but not sure what the relevance is to what I've written since I've only said that my flatmate is English, not that I am or that we're in England.

I lived with a few straight guys when I was your age. One way to break the ice was, while watching tv, ask if I could lay down and put my feet in their lap, and then vice versa. That's not necessarily gay but it obviously can be read as such so you have to read the situation correctly.

I enjoyed doing it with a couple totally het buddies a few times but one roommate turned out to be bicurious and he got a boner that pressed against my leg. The boner was not mentioned at the time but we did talk about it later when I came out to him. We ended up cuddling and spooning almost every time after that when watching tv and we did sometimes cuddle-slept together but we never had sex. I ended up falling for him hard and things got ugly,especially when he told me that at one point he was ready for more but didn't dare to go further.

BTW, around the same time I had a Brit friend who was very cool with me being gay. He'd lived with a gay guy in London and told me laughing the roommate sometimes had loud sex in the kitchen, and he'd find greasy lube palm prints on the walls. Many young Brits are totally OK with gays so don't confuse that with them being gay themselves, although obviously that's a possibility as well.

OP it’s not the guy you should be worried about. If his gf finds out what you’re up to you could wake up with stab wounds.

Thanks for the advice, R49. I'm sure he's straight because he seems like the kind of person who wouldn't be closeted if he were gay. I think he's just very affectionate and kind, which I find very attractive. I'll try not to make too much of a fool of myself with him.

OP must be a writer for Harlequin romances who is trying out a new story line.

OP, is there a reason you pointed out that his girlfriend was Asian? Is that significant here?

^Because of DL's assertion that white men with Asian girlfriends are closeted gay or bi dudes, I imagine. No idea where that came from.

OP, you should start working more subtle touching into your interactions with him. Touch his arm, shoulder, hand when talking. But be normal about it, not sleazy.

[quote] When we were about halfway home, I held out my bag of groceries to him to prove that it was heavier than his. He grabbed it and wouldn't let me take it back until we were at our front door. We made dinner together and shared a bottle of wine. When we clinked glasses he said a phrase in French that I didn't understand, but I was too bashful to ask him what he'd said.

Fucking hell, OP, listen to yourself and have a little self-respect. Talking this way you sound like the last pillow princess I was fucking when she would get all maudlin fantasising about her ideal future DH/prince.

It was just a moment in time, R55. I'm usually a more sober person and, frankly, am pretty disillusioned with men overall. But it's fun to get carried away sometimes.

R54, I touched his chest a couple nights ago as we were leaving the house to meet some friends. He was debating whether to wear a sweater or not--we were standing at the threshold of our house and his hands were gathering the bottom hem to pull it off. I rubbed my hand to his chest and told him it was pretty thin and that he might want it later. He kept it on.

[QUOTE]I asked him to go to the produce section and get me the largest eggplant he could find and two large zucchini.

Then, nonchalantly I said:" I'm not gonna eat them, as a matter of fact I loathe the taste of eggplant. It's just that I've been going throug such a dry spell that I actually feel my lovehole getting tighter and tighter. This - holding the eggplant-is just to keep things in shape -looking lasciviously at the flatmate-in case the right man comes along."

To be continued...

OP types OLD.

[quote]complaining sheepishly about a puddle in one of his shoes. We crossed the street and dashed under the eaves of the shops--I suggested we pick up some things from the grocery store.

[quote]Once we'd checked out he insisted on carrying the groceries back to our house. The rain had cleared up when we exited the grocery store and the afternoon light was resplendent. When we were about halfway home, I held out my bag of groceries to him to prove that it was heavier than his. He grabbed it and wouldn't let me take it back until we were at our front door.

[quote]We made dinner together and shared a bottle of wine. When we clinked glasses he said a phrase in French that I didn't understand, but I was too bashful to ask him what he'd said.

And /gay/.

Continued from R57

Flatmate: you know, my girlfriend has a lot of gay friend and they've told her stories about you...and if those stories are true that eggplant won't do...let me get you a watermelon.

This past weekend was amazing. I only saw him briefly on Saturday morning while having my morning coffee and avocado toast. He had just finished styling his hair in the bathroom and passed me on his way to the front door.

"Morning," I said. My eyes were still sleepy, whereas he had been up for at least an hour showering, grooming, doing his hair, and otherwise hogging our bathroom.

"Good morning," he replied brightly, taking a seat on the stool next to mine. "Haven't seen you around much lately."

He was right. I'd been trying to avoid him that week, since I was conscious that I was developing feelings for him. He'd knocked on my door a couple times to see if I wanted to play something on the PS4 or watch a movie, but I'd spouted some prepared excuses.

"Just been working a lot," I mumbled, then took another sip of coffee.

Tommy (his real name isn't Tommy, but I'll use it because he looks like he could be a Tommy) watched my hand on my coffee mug for a few seconds before making some more small talk. It felt normal, even comfortable, after a couple minutes. We made fun of our other flatmates getting in completely shitfaced from a costume party earlier that morning. The costumes were strewn across several rooms of our house--as far as I could tell, none of those were their bedrooms.

"Oh, fuck," Tommy said, looking down at his watch. "I'm meant to be meeting Emma. Should have left ten minutes ago."

"Emma," I said flatly. His girlfriend. I raised my mug to my lips to hide behind it, only to find it empty.

"Yeah, first time we're seeing each other in what feels like ages." He rose and smoothed his shirt, checking the sleeves.

I stood up and walked to the coffeemaker. "She doesn't come over that much."

It was an awkward statement, I know, and probably came off bitchier than I intended. I kept my back turned as I poured my second cup. Tommy was silent for a second before replying. "I'll see if she wants to hang out here soon. The two of you would really get on."

"Sounds great." I turned around and crossed my arms. "I've only met her in passing."

"Hey," he said, tilting his head as he does when he has an idea. "I should be back in the afternoon. If you want to do something then."

"Oh--you're not staying the night?" I blurted out. "I mean, yeah, I should be around."

Tommy gave me a perplexed look and started pulling his hair out of his eyes, where it had started to droop. He grimaced and I couldn't tell whether he was looking at his hair or me.

"I should--" Tommy tossed his chin in the direction of our front door. "I'll be late."

"Yeah. That would be bad." I managed a smile. "See you later then."

Tommy winked. "I'll hold you to it," he said, before disappearing down the hallway. I sighed when the door slammed and shuffled to the couch. In those few minutes of conversation any hope I'd had over the past week of resisting his pull had died. I sipped my coffee and thought about his wink and smile. [italic]Only a few hours[/italic], I thought.

I put on Capriccio in B Flat Major from the [italic]Call Me by Your Name[/italic] soundtrack on our sound system while doing some cleaning. While scrubbing the countertops, I snickered at the thought of suggesting it for our movie night. I've found that for some reason even very open-minded, progressive straight men balk at being asked to watch gay movies. Maybe I could use it as a test? After a while, I dismissed that as too transparent.

Tommy got back a little after three in the afternoon. I was in my room at the time, but decided to wait for a bit and let him come to me. I heard him trudge to his room and his door click shut, then an audible exhale and protesting springs through the wall as he fell back into his bed. I tapped my pen to the pages of the legal pad on my lap several times before turning up my music. I would wait. No one likes to deal with people at their doorway right when they get home, after all.

About half an hour later, I got up and knocked on his door. He was on his PS4, playing at war.

"Hey Felix," he said, barely glancing up. (My name isn't Felix, but let's say it is.)

"CoD again?" I teased.

"I figure I have to stop being terrible at some point."

"Ah--I was just checking to see if you wanted to hang out--"

"Ah, you cunt," he muttered, then turned to me. "Not you."

"Oh. That's good." I glanced at the door. "Yeah, I'll come back later."

"Sure you don't want to stay?" He scooted over across his bed to make space. "I kept a spot warm for you."

I snorted, but climbed into the bed next to him. The mattress was big enough to preserve space between us, for which I cursed it.

"Want to play something together?" he was saying.

"Nah, I'll just watch you."

After a few minutes, he sighed and set the controller down on his lap.

"Hmm?"

"Oh, just Emma."

I turned slightly to face him. "What happened?"

"Like--she was being really distant. I could tell something was wrong, but she kept saying she didn't want to talk about it." He brushed his hair away from his brow, then rubbed his eye.

"That's it?"

He shrugged, still rubbing his eye. "It felt like she was hiding something. And she knows I hate it when she keeps things from me."

"Huh."

"Basically she was playing games, and I didn't feel like dealing with it." He clenched his fist. I waited for his fingers to relax again before I responded.

"You still feel bad, though."

"Yeah." He placed the controller onto the bed between us and crossed his arms.

"Maybe she was just feeling tired? Or it was about something she couldn't talk about for some other reason--"

"Maybe," Tommy interrupted. "But she should know she can talk to me about anything."

"It could have seemed like a bigger deal in the moment than it was," I continued. I reached out and rubbed his arm. "Don't be so hard on her. Or yourself."

Tommy turned to me and grinned. "Why are you so good at this?"

"At what?"

"You always know what to say, Felix," he murmured. We stared at each other in the half-light cast by the afternoon sun through the curtains.

"I really don't."

"I love being around gay men," Tommy said, undeterred, to which I snorted. "I'm serious! You guys are the best. You're so much more empathetic, compassionate, interesting, kind than straights. Most straight men are complete muppets."

"Sounds like you'd fit right in," I said, feeling daring.

Tommy blew a raspberry and sank down further into the bed. "I wish, mate. I really wish. Some things might be a lot simpler--uh, not to trivialize--"

"No, I get it," I said.

He retrieved the controller and began moving through the menus. "Want to watch something?"

We started watching some show on Netflix. I probably would have normally found it funny, but I hadn't slept well the previous night and started to doze off after twenty minutes or so. When I woke up, it was near dusk and Tommy was gone. I shifted and realized that he'd covered me with his duvet. It was warm and smelled deeply of him. I didn't know where he'd gone, but I decided I'd lie there a little longer.