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Bullying, is it really that bad? Maybe kids are too sensitive?

I want to understand this better.

by Anonymousreply 117April 27, 2019 12:50 AM

I think the current zero tolerance system in schools encourages bullying and prevents bullied kids from defending themselves.

Kids these days also aren't being taught the social skills to stick up for themselves, they're taught to tattle to an authority figure and wait for the perpetrator to be punished.

by Anonymousreply 1April 23, 2019 2:11 AM

Have you ever been bullied, R1?

by Anonymousreply 2April 23, 2019 2:13 AM

Yes I was bullied in the 1980’s in high school but I just kept it to myself that’s why I want to understand it better.

by Anonymousreply 3April 23, 2019 2:16 AM

R2 Yes

by Anonymousreply 4April 23, 2019 2:16 AM

I was bullied in the 70's so I just developed an alternate persona and turned to alcohol.

by Anonymousreply 5April 23, 2019 2:17 AM

I was bullied maybe that’s why I have PTSD.

by Anonymousreply 6April 23, 2019 2:18 AM

00s- I became withdrawn and cagey with other people, I was a loner most of high school.

by Anonymousreply 7April 23, 2019 2:19 AM

Bullying is the worst. It fractured the victims.

by Anonymousreply 8April 23, 2019 2:19 AM

Didn't we just have this exact same thread a couple of days ago?

by Anonymousreply 9April 23, 2019 2:19 AM

It can be that bad. There absolutely are victims of bullying who are targeted relentlessly and get to a point where they fear going to school or, thanks to bullying from their peers on social media, online. Some of these kids wind up killing themselves if there are other contributing factors (such as poor mental health) or if they see no way out.

But relatively minor forms of bullying are conflated with the relentless kind in order to create a fake crisis. The goalposts have also been shifted to claim that "exclusion" of kids from friend groups constitutes bullying.

by Anonymousreply 10April 23, 2019 2:20 AM

Cliques are bullying it’s true.

by Anonymousreply 11April 23, 2019 2:22 AM

Yes, bullying is THAT bad. Kids have committed suicide because of it. And not just because of physical bullying, either. Bullying on social media has made kids kill themselves. To have to endure the torment of bullying, day after day...it's torture.

by Anonymousreply 12April 23, 2019 2:23 AM

It’s bad out their but hard to prove. Parents don’t want junior to get a bad rep so they attorney up at schools. So the online stuff is the “easiest” as there is a trail but must happen at school. The verbal and physical is extremely difficult to pursue as allies don’t step up out of fear

by Anonymousreply 13April 23, 2019 2:24 AM

Bullying is that bad. It can cause a lifetime of insecurity, anxiety and self-loathing. It is devastating.

One thing about bullying is that you never forget it, and your memories of it will remain fresh whether you're 30, 40 or 50.

by Anonymousreply 14April 23, 2019 2:38 AM

It's way worse. I was bullied mildly in high school. I taught middle school for several years - just quit teaching a couple of years ago. Kids are way, way, WAY more vicious and devious, thanks to anonymity online, social media, etc. The mean bully types now stop at nothing.

by Anonymousreply 15April 23, 2019 2:40 AM

Bullying is bad, but teaching your children to ignore them is worse. They should be taught self-defense and confidence skills in order to stand up to them.

by Anonymousreply 16April 23, 2019 2:43 AM

Bullying IS horrible and it's good to see schools and society stepping up to address it. But there are also 'damaged' parents who are ultra-sensitive to it and automatically assume their children are victims, no matter what. These same parents also assume their offspring have social anxiety, can't be in public schools just because. Fucked up parents try to see danger everywhere, even when not much exists.

by Anonymousreply 17April 23, 2019 2:48 AM

Bullying is horrible but there's also the asshole fathers and cunt mothers who enable it and think their child is special and above reproach.

by Anonymousreply 18April 23, 2019 2:48 AM

I went to catholic school in the 1970s an whatever else you say about that era, the nuns completely squashed bullying the minute it started. NOBODY was going to encroach on their territory lol

by Anonymousreply 19April 23, 2019 2:53 AM

Just because bullying has always happened does not make it right.

by Anonymousreply 20April 23, 2019 2:55 AM

This was (merely) one of the weird things about reading Jordan Peterson. He seemed to make statements that bullying was not only normative, but somehow important in establishing an authentic social order. I couldn't disagree more. Bullying is assault.

by Anonymousreply 21April 23, 2019 3:04 AM

I'm a teacher. A lot of that happens on social media these days. It's a whole other world that adults have very little access to, or knowledge of.

by Anonymousreply 22April 23, 2019 3:05 AM

Bullying is a bigger problem these days because of social media. People can humiliate a kid in a more widespread and permanent way than they used to be able to before SM was a thing. Also, the new catchphrase is "you should just kill yourself."....and then some kids do just that. If I had a kid that was being bullied I'd teach them how to fight back, either physically or with words, teach them to zero in on others' weaknesses. If more parents would do that it might empower the bullied kids into believing in themselves enough that it increases their self esteem, at the very least.

by Anonymousreply 23April 23, 2019 3:14 AM

Yes it can be that bad. The problem with the US is that there is a pervasive culture of bullying that extends even past adolescence. I'm convinced we would have less angry damaged people (and spree shooters ) if extreme aggression against people who are different was less acceptable. Look at NYC, they have their problems but generally you don't hear about someone randomly shooting crowds of people there. This always seems to happen in American Suburbia however. I think one of the reasons for this is the extreme focus on conformity (and bullying of non conformists ) that is present in the suburbs. As far as bullying in schools goes, it's really become out of control. Many middle and high school teachers won't intervene because they don't want to be judged by the so called cool kids. Some even laugh along. Half of the individuals who gravitate towards working with teens appear to have Teenage brains and psyches themselves. They're not so much interested in educating as they are buddying up to Jaden the class clown and flirting with Kaylee the Queen Bee. And finally there is social media, which has probably done more to destroy society that enrich it.

by Anonymousreply 24April 23, 2019 3:42 AM

[QUOTE] Many middle and high school teachers won't intervene because they don't want to be judged by the so called cool kids.

This. My bullies in the late 80s/early 90s were popular jocks, and I was a puny, unpopular need. Teachers mainly turned a blind eye to it because they wanted to be seen as "cool."

And it's really easy as an adult to say "just teach them to stand up for themselves." My bullies were twice my size, and would have beat the shot out of me. I think you're forgetting what it's like to be a terrified child.

by Anonymousreply 25April 23, 2019 11:26 AM

Remember the movie How Green Was My Valley where the teacher whips the boy and the father comes to school and beats up the teacher.

by Anonymousreply 26April 23, 2019 11:36 AM

Bullies deserve bullets.

by Anonymousreply 27April 23, 2019 12:00 PM

Bullying has been around forever. Junior high school can be as brutal as Game of Thrones. However, I don't understand the epidemic of kids committing suicide because of it. That involves mental health problems way beyond bullying.

When I was a kid there was constant on boys to prove themslves by fighting. I hope the world has moved on from that.

by Anonymousreply 28April 23, 2019 12:09 PM

Schools need to be smaller and more personally tailored to suit the individual needs of children, its more expensive than cramming hundreds of kids into one big building but you get better balanced happier more confident adults in the end.

by Anonymousreply 29April 23, 2019 12:09 PM

[quote]Yes I was bullied in the 1980’s in high school

Aww. Was it because you put apostrophes where they didn’t belong, dear?

by Anonymousreply 30April 23, 2019 12:42 PM

[quote]Bullying has been around forever. Junior high school can be as brutal as Game of Thrones. However, I don't understand the epidemic of kids committing suicide because of it. That involves mental health problems way beyond bullying.

It’s been around forever, yes, but not in the same way. Today’s technology plays a large role. If you were bullied in school, the bullying would occur at school. Today, when you go home from school you can still be among those people with social media, Internet anonymity, cell phones for texting, etc. It’s relentless now.

So think about the bullying in junior high and multiply it to the extent you almost literally can’t get away from it at any time.

by Anonymousreply 31April 23, 2019 12:45 PM

[quote]Bullying is a bigger problem these days because of social media. People can humiliate a kid in a more widespread and permanent way than they used to be able to before SM was a thing.

Yes—nowadays the bullying follows them home and there's no escaping it.

by Anonymousreply 32April 23, 2019 12:48 PM

Survival of the Fittest

by Anonymousreply 33April 23, 2019 12:58 PM

[quote]Kids these days also aren't being taught the social skills to stick up for themselves

How far can one go to fight back?

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by Anonymousreply 34April 23, 2019 1:22 PM

[Quote]And it's really easy as an adult to say "just teach them to stand up for themselves." My bullies were twice my size, and would have beat the shot out of me. I think you're forgetting what it's like to be a terrified child.

R25, even smaller kids can defend themselves against bigger kids if they have the skills and strength. Believe me - I remember some small kids who were fuckin' demons - no one messed with them, because it wouldn't be an easy fight, or an easy win. Generally, bullies pick on "easy marks."

However, I don't believe kids should be fighting in the first place. And probably like you, many kids don't [italic]want[/italic] to fight. They just want to be left alone. I do believe that adults have a responsibility in preventing or quickly quashing fights among children/teenagers. Sadly, many adults are very irresponsible about this.

by Anonymousreply 35April 23, 2019 1:44 PM

I was bullied repeatedly all throughout my education and my school administrators not only enabled it, they joined in. This is why I have zero sympathy for so-called “victims” of bullied children who fight back with weapons. They deserve it. Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold were and are heroes.

Violence is the answer to systemic harassment when those in power either do nothing to stop it or actively enable it.

by Anonymousreply 36April 23, 2019 1:48 PM

Bullying is HORRIBLE and ALL those bullying pricks should be severely punished. The school system does nothing. I was bullied extremely badly all through elementary and middle school. Both in my neighborhood and my schools. I know a white kid who committed suicide in high school. I tried in middle school. Not to mention all the children who were killed by bullies in fights at school. And no one does anything about it. Fuck them ALL to the pits of HELL.

by Anonymousreply 37April 23, 2019 1:54 PM

I wish we could train an army of school shooters to kill all the bullies in the world.

by Anonymousreply 38April 23, 2019 1:56 PM

[quote]Bullying is HORRIBLE and ALL those bullying pricks should be severely punished.

That’s what Columbine was: punishment for bullying. Eric and Dylan were the real victims.

by Anonymousreply 39April 23, 2019 1:57 PM

R37 and others: have any of you ever gone back to confront these teachers and administrators who did nothing (or worse, joined in)?

How about confronting the bullies themselves (even after all these years)?

by Anonymousreply 40April 23, 2019 1:58 PM

I was a bully in high school, and I really can't accurately pinpoint why, other than it prevented me from being bullied. I can remember of my class of 250, I only was "afraid" of 2 guys, both of whom were literally nuts. But by asserting myself over some weaker kids, mostly by making fun of them and making other kids laugh, the other bullys left me alone for the most part.

Its a hierarchy, and sometimes you have to bear your teeth in order to not become a victim yourself.

Just a POV.

by Anonymousreply 41April 23, 2019 2:07 PM

Who's tracking down bullies and confronting them? There is one I would love to see but I can't even remember his name. I most certainly am not taking up the time to find out. My bullies were all ghetto black thugs so I'm pretty sure they became nothing. I know one was shot and killed when I was in high school. I mentioned the kid committing suicide being white at R37 because he was bullied by the same ghetto black thugs that harassed me. I fucking HATE them. I'm a strong person. Kids being too sensitive when you are constantly harassed verbally and physically every fucking day? NO. R41 And you're a piece of shit. FUCK YOU AND YOUR ILK.

by Anonymousreply 42April 23, 2019 2:11 PM

Maybe this sweetheart was just being too sensitive, idiot OP?

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by Anonymousreply 43April 23, 2019 2:19 PM

Yes, bullying is that bad. Kids brains are sensitive and emotional and not developed like adults, everything is intensified and blown out of proportion.

Kid bullies also have no social conscience, or any conscience and are completely devoid of empathy or compassion, they zero in on kids who are different and they are relentless.

Remember high school was all about fitting in, no one wanted to be different. At the time it seemed the be all and the end all if you didn't fit in, hang with the right people, wear the right clothes. etc. etc. in hindsight as adults you wonder why you ever bothered but at the time it was paramount.

A kid who is bullied often feels trapped like there is no way out or end to the bullying, teachers are hopeless in reprimanding, and the bullied kid often is too ashamed to tell anyone.

It's not necessarily the bullying itself but the adolescent brain intensifying the bulling mentally. whereas an adult might shrug it off, a child might take it to heart and believe it, affecting their moods, neural pathways and subsequently leading to clinical depression.

by Anonymousreply 44April 23, 2019 2:21 PM

"Kids these days also aren't being taught the social skills to stick up for themselves, they're taught to tattle to an authority figure and wait for the perpetrator to be punished."

Reporting someone to the authorities IS standing up for yourself. You sound dumb.

by Anonymousreply 45April 23, 2019 2:25 PM

[quote]Reporting someone to the authorities IS standing up for yourself.

Wussy enabler

by Anonymousreply 46April 23, 2019 2:27 PM

It is bad and psychologically scarring. When I was in 5th grade, I had a lot of friends and had always enjoyed school. Then one of my friends turned on me. He was the strongest kid in school and everyone feared him. He turned everyone against me. You were either with him or you were shunned, too, just like I was. Only one kid stayed friends with me. We were excluded from everything. And the bully was devious. He wouldn't ever do anything to me. He'd gather his troops and have them harass me to prove their loyalty to him. It got so bad, my parents would have to pry my hands off the door and force me to go to school. My parents talked to teachers and school administrators and even the school board, all to no avail. The bully was warned not to touch me or rally other kids against me, so then I was just shunned. From having a lot of friends to practically having none. My parents sent me to another school for 6th grade. Getting away from him was the only way. In 6th grade, that same bully wound up forcing two other kids to leave the school by mid-year. I guess he always needed a target. One was a girl, whose mother called mine to commiserate, but my mother reminded that woman that her daughter went along with the bully and was nasty to me, so she had little sympathy for her. That mother never called again.

At the new school, it started off a lot like my early school years. I had a lot of friends and was liked by most kids. Then after only a year of respite, in 7th grade, I was once again shunned when a popular girl I refused to go out with rallied the troops. The most popular boy, who was a short little shithead who surrounded himself with bigger, tougher kids, never did like me. She got him to lead a campaign to get the boys to reject me and make fun of me every single day. It was awful. Even my best friend eventually turned on me. I stayed at that school because by the end of 7th grade things had started to turn around. The girl got over me rejecting her and started talking to me again, and we eventually became friendly. In gym class, I kicked the the little short bully's ass in wrestling many times, and a few of his friends, too. It pissed them off but made them grudgingly respect me, so shorty turned his attentions to some other kid he hated.

I worked through a lot of this as an adult in therapy, but that rejection and constant stress being bullied places on you takes quite a toll, and I only had to go through 2 years of it. I can't imagine the kids who are constantly harassed non-stop all the way through their school years. And at least there was no social media and cell phones when this was happening. I could escape at night, on the weekends, and over breaks and holidays.

by Anonymousreply 47April 23, 2019 2:29 PM

r46, the "wussy" one is you. Freepers who call other people wuss are the ones who were scared of gay marriage and gays in the military.

by Anonymousreply 48April 23, 2019 2:30 PM

r46 if a kid who was being bullied took the law into his own hands and bashed the shit out of his bully, the victim would be sent to juvenile detention and nothing would happen to the victim.

by Anonymousreply 49April 23, 2019 2:30 PM

^^^ #nothing would happen to the bully.

by Anonymousreply 50April 23, 2019 2:31 PM

Columbine wasn't about guns, it wasn't even about two angry teenagers, it was about bullying! Two boys perceived as different teased mercilessly subsequently lost their minds and took the law into their own hands because no one would help them. The bullies were killed, the victims took their own lives. On the 20th anniversary, everyone forgets this. Still, the bullies are glorified.

by Anonymousreply 51April 23, 2019 2:36 PM

r51, they weren't teased mercilessly. Read the book Columbine.

by Anonymousreply 52April 23, 2019 2:39 PM

true, not mercilessly, but they were still ostracised

by Anonymousreply 53April 23, 2019 2:42 PM

Isnt it funny that I was a flaming queen,wore way out there clothes and had very long hair at a time when everyone else was all conservative ,short haired preps. Yet I never got bullied. I think because they knew that although I was the faggiest fag who ever fagged,Id flip the fuck out on their asses. In 6th grade one kid thought he'd be funny and bully me,and I took my metal lunch box and beat him over the head with it . He was a popular jock and an asshole,but after that lunchroom beat down he gave me a wide berth for the next 5 years of school.See how that works ? My dad was an alcoholic ex marine bastard,but if nothing else he taught me that you have to stand up for yourself even if you could get your ass beat. I had tons of friends at any school I attended,mainly because I was myself even if I was wearing purple bell bottoms when everyone else was in chinos.

by Anonymousreply 54April 23, 2019 2:50 PM

^^^Yea my father was a pussy. So I was a coward. Doesn't make the bullying ok. I wish I did what you did though.

by Anonymousreply 55April 23, 2019 2:56 PM

Were the only students killed at Columbine ones who were bullies? I thought they randomly killed students and they weren't targeted except in a couple of instances. For those who think Columbine was okay in certain circumstances, you are fucked up. I was bullied but don't feel for the killers. They could have handled it in several ways other than becoming murderers.

by Anonymousreply 56April 23, 2019 2:58 PM

The school systems need to try to nip it in the bud before it gets bad. In kindergarten, teachers need to explain what bullying is and inform kids that it's against the rules. Then kids should participate in roleplaying games, where they experience bullying from both points of view, and build empathy. Any kid who is caught bullying in elementary school should be forced to visit the school psychologist regularly to help examine his feelings of why he needs to try to tear down other people to feel better about himself..and work on finding other outlets for his hostility. Any kid who does it in middle school should get a visit to the psychologist on the first offense, in-school suspension on the first offense, and then out-of-school suspension on the third offense.

So many smart kids drop out of school because of bullying. This interrupts their education and it hurts their future earnings potential.

If you harassed someone at work, HR would kick your ass out of there so fast to avoid lawsuits. But we expect children to just put up with harrassment? Just because "that's the way it's always been."? No.

by Anonymousreply 57April 23, 2019 3:11 PM

^^^YES. Agreed.

by Anonymousreply 58April 23, 2019 3:14 PM

Yes, it's bad, OP. I can't get over it, and it really hurt me. I can't look people in the eye because of it. Medication, therapy, even ayahuasca — haven't gotten much better over decades. Depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation. Never had a relationship and I'm up there in years. Never put myself out there.

by Anonymousreply 59April 23, 2019 3:17 PM

I've seen housecats bully other housecats

by Anonymousreply 60April 23, 2019 3:20 PM

R51, the real story is quite the opposite. Dylan was quite popular, actually. It's just that he was a psychopath. Read/listen to the book.

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by Anonymousreply 61April 23, 2019 3:23 PM

R59's story could be mine. I was already a shy kid. Because I spent everyday in a state of anxiety trying to get over the latest humiliation and avoid the next one, I didn't get to grow my social skills like everyone else did. Sometimes I fall down a facebook rabbit hole and land on my high school class' "reunion" page. They talk about how great it was; I feel like I went to school with them but in a parallel universe. 30 years later, the memories flash back to me sometimes at 2 a.m. when I can't sleep.

by Anonymousreply 62April 23, 2019 3:24 PM

R62, I'm sorry you went through all that. I find volunteer work a great solace (rescue animals, including rescued farm animals). Maybe look into it. But yeah, I still carry all that shit with me.

by Anonymousreply 63April 23, 2019 3:51 PM

"if nothing else he taught me that you have to stand up for yourself even if you could get your ass beat."

I mean, this is undoubtedly true, but what of kids who for some reason or another are constantly targeted? My cousin moved around a lot because my aunt, his mom, was a single parent and poor. Poor people sometimes tend to move often, so she was the new kid every year. I taught her how to fight, but she was very thin and tiny, so she was bullied relentlessly every fucking year. Who can deal with having to possibly get beat every damned year? There has to be some semblance of law and order within schools, or how can these kids LEARN when they are in self-preservation mode incessantly? If this were happening to adults in the workplace, the police would be involved. No adult would put up with that day in and day out. But children are expected to.

by Anonymousreply 64April 23, 2019 4:54 PM

There has to be zero tolerance for bullying and cameras recording everything in schools. Suspension then expulsion for bullying. I'm sick of this shit.

by Anonymousreply 65April 23, 2019 4:57 PM

Bullying is terrible. I experienced way too much of it. I always thought the fight for gay marriage should have come after the fight for anti-bullying laws. But be advised that not all bullying is gay-related. Think of all the racial bullying in schools.

by Anonymousreply 66April 23, 2019 4:58 PM

Kids will always find a way to bully, r66. It's what kids do.

Girls can be much worse than boys. Boys bully with violence. Girls bully with social ostracization. The latter tends to be more damaging long-term.

I also agree with someone upthread -- kids shouldn't always be encouraged to go to authority figures to stop bullying because 1) adults sometimes don't stop it, and sometimes even side with the bullies and 2) I work with people in their 20s, and they tend to want authority figures to "solve" all their problems, instead of figuring out how to solve things themselves.

And yes, I was bullied every single day of elementary school and middle school.

by Anonymousreply 67April 23, 2019 5:04 PM

Yeah, I get that whole "We need kids to learn to solve their own problems" argument, but that's usually from people who haven't been destroyed by bullying.

I say invite the lawyers in: civil suits against bullies and school administrators.

by Anonymousreply 68April 23, 2019 5:08 PM

That kind of mental abuse can mess you up forever. Yeah "it gets better", but the memories stay. And studies prove that stress during your formative years can impede development.

by Anonymousreply 69April 23, 2019 5:10 PM

There is a lot of bullying of kids who are perceived to be gay. There's probably a lot of racial bullying too, though it's socially less acceptable. But kids are also bullied because they're considered to be ugly, too shy, too fat, too skinny, too short, too tall. None of this should be accepted.

If I remember all the bullying I experienced or witnessed, teachers were in the same room or area, and it's hard to believe that didn't see/hear it themselves. Teachers should have mandated reporting for bullying incidents. There should also be a means for student bystanders to report bullying anonymously. That would show that the school takes it seriously. The school NEEDS to intervene with rules and then discipline for those who break the rules.

by Anonymousreply 70April 23, 2019 5:14 PM

I wish I'd gotten violent on my bullies. One's literally in the White House working right now.

by Anonymousreply 71April 23, 2019 5:15 PM

R54, you left out so many phrases my bingo card is empty. What about cocklet? Shit brickhouse?

by Anonymousreply 72April 23, 2019 5:28 PM

R72 Bitch please,Im not that troll (who I find hilarious) . What I am is a flaming queen who grew up in a lower working class redneck neighborhood who NEVER tried to be anything other than what I was. 2 things resulted from that...I sucked all the hot teen cocks I wanted and I took shit from no one.I had my ass beat a few times,but I dished out more ass whippings than I took .They were always so surprised when a fey whispy queen freaked out on them!

by Anonymousreply 73April 23, 2019 5:35 PM

I'm sure there are other kids who were bullied by one individual who made a sexual pass at their victim all the while the bullying was going on. In 7th grade, the class bully teased me miserably then went out of their way on several occasions to try to get me to let him have his way with me (with him being passive), and later on, one of the jocks he was friends with indicated that the same kid (who had moved away) had made passes at other boys. It turned out that he was being physically abused at home and had to move away because his mother divorced his abusive father. It was apparent that his father had a suspicion that his son was gay or bi, became abusive towards him early on, and the mother finally had enough. I don't excuse his bullying, but at least there was a reason behind it I could understand.

by Anonymousreply 74April 23, 2019 5:51 PM

Here is what I have never understood...

If you look up the criminal harassment laws in your state, you will see the EXACT definition of bullying (with penalties) - but it only applies to adults.

The penalties go from fines to jail time. They range from misdemeanors to felonies that go on your permanent criminal record, depending on how bad. Repeated offenders are punished more severely.

WHY is this not applied to ass hole teenagers in any regard? So adults are the snowflakes who get recourse from the police and the courts (and possibly even civil litigation) but bullied kids with are the ones who should just "tough it out"? Fuck that. Seriously. Bullies need to learn to tough it out in a juvenile detention center & working 20 hours a week after school with all of their money going to their victims. If that works for adults, that should be how it works for kids.

Someone please explain to me why this isn't how it happens. It's not up to the victims to be stronger. The "blame the victim" mentality is not okay for any criminal act, including this one - and it IS a criminal act. It doesn't matter that they are young. In fact, it's worse. Kids don't have fully developed pre-frontal lobes that inhibit some of their psychopathic tendencies. That tends to develop between 16-21.

This, below, is just NY, but every state has their own version - some in far greater detail.

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by Anonymousreply 75April 23, 2019 6:17 PM

Unpopular opinion but we might be better off going back to the days where kids were allowed to physically fight back. I think a lot of these children who wind up killing themselves might have been better off being allowed to kick or beat their bullies to stop the behavior. Now, the bullies can say the most vile destructive and terrible things to their victims but their victims can't lay a hand on them.

by Anonymousreply 76April 23, 2019 6:28 PM

[quote] Girls bully with social ostracization. The latter tends to be more damaging long-term.

What? You think "social ostracization" counts as severe bullying. Someone ignoring you is not bullying. I was BULLIED and I would have taken social ostracization over that anyday.

by Anonymousreply 77April 23, 2019 6:46 PM

Social ostracization is really bad, especially in middle school. It can make you feel like you are less than nothing. Kids need to feel like they belong to not be miserable at school. By belong, I mean have at least one friend, someone to sit with at lunch, someone to commisserate. A lot of kids are ostracized to the point that they don't have a friend in the world. It's a terrible thing and a lot of kids would RATHER be beat up physically than have to go through that.

by Anonymousreply 78April 23, 2019 7:02 PM

Its a pity you can't sue the ass off schools, if bullying hurt them financially there would soon be zero bullying at school.

by Anonymousreply 79April 23, 2019 7:03 PM

Even that crazy frau who bullied that girl into suicide in 2006 got the charges dropped against her. I was completely sickened by that. If anyone should've done serious time, it was her. It was all in writing -what she did. And she was an adult abusing a minor. STILL she walked.

But the people who defaced the frau's house - they were certainly charged with vandalism!

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by Anonymousreply 80April 23, 2019 7:07 PM

I wonder how they might do an economic analysis of this: all the lost potential of bullied children — the economic value of that, in that one of them could have started the next Amazon or something — compared to the economic value of being bullied (building self-confidence among those who survive/overcome, the improved self-esteem of bullies who gather a following, and the bullied kids who fight back as they grow up by becoming successful, like Elon Musk).

I suspect that since bullying can destroy any potential in a child, the losses are much greater than any gains.

by Anonymousreply 81April 23, 2019 7:10 PM

So true, I suffer from fits because of all the bullying I suffered at school which has certainly impacted my employment options.

by Anonymousreply 82April 23, 2019 7:19 PM

R64 R75 EXACTLY.

by Anonymousreply 83April 23, 2019 7:26 PM

[quote]Unpopular opinion but we might be better off going back to the days where kids were allowed to physically fight back. I think a lot of these children who wind up killing themselves might have been better off being allowed to kick or beat their bullies to stop the behavior. Now, the bullies can say the most vile destructive and terrible things to their victims but their victims can't lay a hand on them.

This came in when when the Victim Cultures took over. Also, there was bullying before, but it really skyrocketed when the Victims took charge.

They don't want kids to fight back because their cultures were weak and too scared to fight back. They hate assertiveness because they never had it and have to be professional victims instead.

by Anonymousreply 84April 23, 2019 7:54 PM

No one should ever be placed in a position to have to fight. Getting an education is your right as a citizen, and you should be able to access it without any obstacles.

by Anonymousreply 85April 23, 2019 7:59 PM

[quote]No one should ever be placed in a position to have to fight.

And n one should have to take bullying because to fight back would get them expelled.

by Anonymousreply 86April 23, 2019 8:11 PM

R54/r73

You don’t seem to be the type that would need to hear this from me, but I want to say it.

I have massive respect for you. I didn’t have the balls to come out back then, and you clearly had bigger balls than me. Sometimes effeminate guys get a bad rap in our community for whatever reason, but I have more respect for someone like you who had courage and never hid who you were. That cannot be taught.

Big giant hugs coming your way, friend.

by Anonymousreply 87April 23, 2019 11:42 PM

In the past bullying stopped once you left school. Now bullying is 24/7 if you use social media. I think the constant harassment is leading to suicide.

by Anonymousreply 88April 23, 2019 11:44 PM

If you haven't been bullied i don't think you really understand.It does affect your self esteem and confidence when you are older and makes you wary of making friends!

by Anonymousreply 89April 23, 2019 11:53 PM

Anyone who thinks kids should just "fight back" and that will solve all their problems doesn't understand how buluyong works.

Yes, that can work some of the time, but most of the time the bullied kids are smaller, weaker, younger or outnumbered and CAN'T fight back because they could be killed.

Not to mention female bullying, which is rarely physical and almost always verbal.

Children who are psychopaths/sociopaths are the ones who need to be reprimanded by authority and taught that their behavior is not okay. Their violent bullshit won't be tolerated in the "real world".

by Anonymousreply 90April 24, 2019 12:21 AM

*bullying

by Anonymousreply 91April 24, 2019 12:22 AM

Issues that adults deal with after being bullied as children:

-Anxiety of standing up for oneself, speaking out, even sharing minor opinions because of fear of being ridiculed.

-Low self-worth, feelings of worthlessness

-Social anxiety

-Trouble with connecting to people, making friends, trusting people. Avoidant Personality Disorder.

-More likely to enter into abusive relationships because the abuse feels "normal" or deserved.

Can anyone else relate?

by Anonymousreply 92April 24, 2019 12:28 AM

^^^YES.

by Anonymousreply 93April 24, 2019 4:00 AM

#metoo

by Anonymousreply 94April 24, 2019 4:08 AM

[quote]No one should ever be placed in a position to have to fight. Getting an education is your right as a citizen, and you should be able to access it without any obstacles.

R85 Now you’re talking. Can someone bring a civil suit against a school, not asking for damages for harassment per se, but based on the fact that by refusing to intervene, the school is denying a victim the right to an education, therefore violating a federal right? Any lawyers around here?

by Anonymousreply 95April 24, 2019 8:55 AM

America was a first world country when it didn't have to depend on lawyers for everything.

by Anonymousreply 96April 24, 2019 1:34 PM

Why is bullying so common in America compared to other countries?

by Anonymousreply 97April 24, 2019 1:36 PM

That’s a damn good question, r97, if it’s true that it’s unique to America. (I’m not sure if it is or not.)

by Anonymousreply 98April 24, 2019 1:40 PM

R95: In a landmark case in the 1990s, gay high schooler Jamie Nabozny (with the help of Lambda Legal and the ACLU) successfully sued his school district and administration for failing to intervene during his years-long bullying. He won a million dollar settlement, which at the time was fairly hefty and sent a message to school boards across the country.

Nabozny attended his high school reunion and several students came up to him and apologized for their behavior.

Since that case, Lambda Legal and the ACLU have taken up several cases of gay-based bullying (and won).

by Anonymousreply 99April 24, 2019 3:02 PM

Read r1 again.

by Anonymousreply 100April 24, 2019 3:04 PM

Clearly they need to find themselves an elderly Japanese sensei who will teach them a few tricks.

by Anonymousreply 101April 24, 2019 3:08 PM

LOL, R101. Wax on, wax off.

by Anonymousreply 102April 24, 2019 3:46 PM

It is bad in other countries too. I went to a conference at a school in Ireland and it had anti-bullying posters everywhere & a ton of "he's gay and I'm ok" type of posters too. I asked a professor about it & if it was really bad and he just said - "Oh yes - it's bad" and didn't want to seem to get into it. This was college too - not even undergrad. There are tons of stats about it online in Ireland.

I posted up above that kids don't have fully developed inhibitory & ethical mechanisms in the prefrontal cortex and this is naturally going to be universal across cultures. You're basically throwing a bunch of sociopaths in a building for 40 hours a week and expecting them all to coexist peacefully. I'm interested to hear abou other school systems and countries (culture maybe?) that overrides this natural lord of the flies bullshit. In my high school, the ultra-smart kids were separated off into a special section called "the academy" and there was no bullying in there. They were only focused on school & they all went to top 10 schools. Even people didn't bully them at lunch or in gym, from what I recall (maybe some did - but they were sort of the untouchables - if you bullied them, you'd be punished without question). So, that was one exception.

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by Anonymousreply 103April 24, 2019 4:41 PM

As I stressed before, not all bullying is gay-related. Much of it is race-related, I'm sorry to say. Look at DC, where affluent liberal whites would never send their kids to inner city schools.

by Anonymousreply 104April 24, 2019 5:04 PM

R104, it's not all gay-related. It's not all race-related, either, especially in DC, where the majority of the population is black, and sadly, the schools look kind of, well, segregated. That's a different issue. It's kids who are considered to be inferior because they're judged to be ugly, fat, too thin, too short, too tall, poor, etc...

by Anonymousreply 105April 24, 2019 6:53 PM

My bullying was not because of race or sexuality it mostly centred around my lack of intelligence in maths and my minor speech impediment!Every story is different but i think the cases to do with race and sexuality are more likely to make it on to the television internet etc.

by Anonymousreply 106April 25, 2019 2:41 PM

Bullying can be about anything. Sexuality, weight, and race are most common I think but if a low life bully wants to bully they will find SOMETHING.

by Anonymousreply 107April 25, 2019 2:51 PM

After "going postal" entered our lexicon because of bullying managers, one of the postal worker unions funded a study on the causes of bullying and found that, in many cases, it was because the person was nice, polite, intelligent, well-spoken, and even popular.

by Anonymousreply 108April 25, 2019 2:55 PM

I agree with you R107 because that's what it felt like with my bullies and half the time i just ignored them but sometimes it's not that easy!

by Anonymousreply 109April 25, 2019 2:57 PM

^^^No it's not easy. R108 The person being bullied is nice, polite, intelligent, well-spoken, and even popular. Right?

by Anonymousreply 110April 25, 2019 3:02 PM

R1 is absolutely correct sadly

by Anonymousreply 111April 25, 2019 3:05 PM

Bullying leads to suicide; we know this. What more is there to understand?

by Anonymousreply 112April 25, 2019 3:12 PM

Bullying can also lead to murdering columbine being an example!

by Anonymousreply 113April 25, 2019 3:37 PM

The postal service type bullying was about managers bullying workers. Workers bullying each other can be something else, *unless it is condoned or encouraged by management.*

In Columbine, there were stories about the principal favoring a football player who had messed with the pair.

by Anonymousreply 114April 25, 2019 4:26 PM

Alpha male is just another form of bullying. It suggests alphas are more dominant and therefore more masculine and desirable.

by Anonymousreply 115April 26, 2019 3:59 PM

Not quite, R115. It's possible to be an Alpha male without being a bully or an obnoxious asshole.

by Anonymousreply 116April 26, 2019 4:00 PM

For you queens arguing whether high-status people can be bullied, the answer is yes, as R108 said. There is this thing called "Tall (or Tallest) Poppy Syndrome," where people who are considered above-average in some manner are cut to size, often through bullying, by their peers. Look it up. It's quite common actually.

by Anonymousreply 117April 27, 2019 12:50 AM
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