Help, Jamaican lady at work won't shut up about everything that happens to her

stentorian

I was mistaken, she's Antiguan.

My internal monologue sounds like Miss Cleo now.

Big mouth woman on the subway train Words come out like a lot of rain

Earplugs?

Draw her attention to the FF'd 'Why do black people talk so loud?' DL thread during lunch, look puzzled, and ask her opinion if it's intrinsically racist, and requires mass immolations in greasefires, or contains slivers of uncomfortable truth, and is worthy of discussion. Defuse any situational ackwardness by telling her you have the soul of a big black woman and can do a killer impersonation Mammy from GWTWind, but thought Mammy delivered her lines too loud.

I’d love to hear a Jamaican accent all day.

[quote]I’d love to hear a Jamaican accent all day.

Of course you would, dear. It would offset the sound of the twenty refugees you house in your second bedroom.

Keurig user?

Kill her.

I'm terrified one day I'll call her "Marg-Yer-eet!"

Someone, [bold]please[/bold] shit in my mouth! 💩😮

You need only to be concerned if you find a painted rock under your desk.

Yell Jamaican me Creeehzy, mon!

Ohh Antiguans are adorbs deal with it you pansy ass bitchin’ punk nut!

I have a colleague like this. She tells us about her children's schooling and what salads she makes with baited breath. Then she looks at you and expects you to ask follow up questions with equal interest and excitement. Thankfully I don't share an office with her.

OMG she's been talking all morning, she won't shut up!

Ask her what's a bumbleclot?

Cut her some slack R15, her home country is a member of the Commonwealth. She’s probably just excited about the new baby.

She found a snake on her property today.

Oh God she got called for jury duty. She's been talking about it for an hour.

It sounds awful OP I feel for you. I would maybe try earplugs. I’m taking earplugs to work. I have tinnitus in my right ear from loud people.

I don’t know why loud people are not embarrassed by their crudeness.

Maybe she has a hearing problem? I have a coworker who is loud, but she's partially deaf, so she gets a pass for that. But she's also inane, and her pass is thereby revoked.

EST 4/10

Maybe some kind of headphones. Like noise canceling. I prefer the passive earmuff type ones, though. The Bose ones make this hissing noise I don’t like. Noise plus noise doesn’t make sense to me. Or try to put up sound absorbing furniture near your workspace, like a partition or something. Soft furnishings like drapes, carpets, upholstered chairs can help with echoes/clomping feet.

I would try to get a new work station. Make up some excuse. Blame it on the migraine inducing fluorescent lighting or a window or distracting “office traffic.” Say you’ll work better in the new spot. Do it before someone else does. I probably wouldn’t blame it on her unless you’re ready to deal with her hating you every day. And other workers siding with her.

If you work in the right kind of office, maybe you could provide a distraction. Like light music or a podcast/NPR/classical music/soothing sounds/ something ASMIRish everyone wants to listen to that would shut her down. This could backfire though, and create MORE conversation, singing, talking OVER the Muzak, etc. from EVERYONE. So, tread carefully. Or maybe start a dialogue about a zen like mindfulness QUIET workspace. Fraus might go for that.

Things change. Sometimes you have to ride it out until the office re-shuffles and you’re moved or someone leaves or you can snag a better spot. Be patient (within reason, and your own sanity).

How does she feel about lesbians and batty boys?

[quote] Ohh Antiguans are adorbs

Jesus. Are you an adult? I'm so embarrassed for you

26 replies and we still haven’t found out what happened with the Keurig.

And what happened with the black mamba? Or was it a black mamba? Or a BBC?

Someone please tell us what happened with the Kuerig!!!

Oh God she just started talking about Christmas today. Today, August 1st.

Her electricity bill is ten dollars higher than it was last month. And something is not right about that.

[quote]My internal monologue sounds like Miss Cleo now.

You're a Gemini, darlin'

It could be that she's hard of hearing. I know a woman, really brilliant, who speak at the top of her voice. Nobody can empty a room faster. She forgets to adjust her hearing aid and thar she blows.

Tell her you have been diagnosed with a rare sensitive disorder in your ears and the doctor prescribed medication and a quiet environment. See if that helps.

Take this opportunity to learn how to imitate a Jamaican accent.

It's a great accent and you will amuse your friends and family.

Help, she won't stop talking about her internet service this morning.

"Un-limited day-ta is B.S.."

Oh God she's breaking out the September 11 stories...

If she's Caribbean, she probably beats the shit out of her kids. That's what they do. Call Child Protective Services in your town and get her kids taken away from her.

She is also likely to be homophobic. Get her riled up about homos and then call H.R. and report her.

"There was a cleaaa-ah blue sky dat mornin'

No clouds in da sky!"

When we have children like this in school we ask them to "Use your indoor voice, please." Perhaps that on a sticky note left anonymously on her desk?

She sounds genuine and entertaining.

Bumbaclot OP!

Help, she won't shut up today. She's talking about her sprinkler schedule now.

Some people are suspicious about 'inside thoughts'. All thoughts must be expelled from your brain for better health.

[QUOTE] I'm beginning to hear her voice in my internal monologue.

😂 She’s become a part of you now, OP.

Help, she's been talking about how she puts up her Christmas decorations for an hour!

I had one of those. Came off sweet and motherly, but she was sly and poisonous.

Her kids had asthma and all we heard about was nebulizers, but she had a country-folk name for it. Always had her giant tits out, too, but pretended to be all prim and proper.

There ya go again, mistakin' me for someone who gives a damn!

Workers at work are so difficult, when can we work alone!

She's a woman with a big loud voice who keeps talking. What does her being Jamaican or whatever have to do with it other than to prove the only reason for this post is to that OP is a racist.

,,,,

What's she been up to lately?

Is there a gentleman in your life?

Did he used to play football?

Is he incarcerated?

Ooooh she found a frog in her house.

It was a big one.

Until I was 40 or so I used to think that Jamaicans spoke with an accent because English was their second language.