Greatest lines from John Waters movies taken out of context (don't list the movie)

I am what I am! I'm doin' my own thing in my own time, Daddy!

[bold]HELLO? WHAT NUMBER ARE YOU CALLING? YOU'VE DIALED THE WRONG NUMBER! SORRY? WHAT GOOD IS THAT? HOW CAN YOU EVER REPAY THE 30 SECONDS YOU'VE STOLEN FROM MY LIFE? I HATE YOU, YOUR HUSBAND, YOUR CHILDREN, AND YOUR RELATIVES!!![/bold]

God Francine, you're the most drinkinest gal I've ever seen!

Children would only get in the way of our . . . [italic]erotic lifestyle![/italic]

Writin' a book, hippie? Why don't you go listen to some folk music and GIVE ME A BREAK!

Do my balls, Mama!

Francine Fishpaw lives at 538 Wyman Way. She weighs 300 pounds, and is an alcoholic! She eats an entire cake at one sitting. You should see her stretch marks! Because of her drunkenness, both of her children are delinquents. She's the hairiest woman I've ever laid eyes on!

Would you turn that racket down!? I’m trying to IRON in here!

No one sends you a turd and expects to live!

I could get you a job at the baths, Mary!

Good Lord Francine, don't you know it's bad luck to let retarded people in your home?

They eat life, you know . . . SPERM!

I'm not queer, Mama, I'm TRADE!

Now, Chip, you know how I hate the brown word.

And, of course:

HELLO? Is this The Cocksucker Residence?

People are shaving their crotches as we speak. There’s pubic hair in the air, everywhere!

Fashion has CHANGED.

You see what an alcoholic you are? You'd even drink gasoline if it was in a bottle! You stink like an alcoholic! Positively disgusting!

I wouldn't suck your dick if I was suffocating and the only oxygen left was IN YOUR BALLS!!

Let's move to Miami! Finally, I can get my face-lift. I want a Cadillac, too - a big, purple Cadillac - so I can ride around and laugh at poor people!

Tina, "Mary" is not a homosexual term!

Thirsty, Grizelda?

The world of a heterosexual is a sick and boring life!

I never wanted to use macramé to kill!

I wasn't always like this—of course, I was [italic]always[/italic] visually stunning . . .

"My parents better get me them cha-cha heels I asked for, that's all I can say..."

I worry that you'll work in an office, have children, celebrate wedding anniversaries. The world of the heterosexual is a sick and boring life.

I'll have two large chicken breasts please.....

The face of a retarded brat.

I'd be so proud if you was a fag and had a nice beautician boyfriend.

I AM the filthiest person alive!

WHITE HONKY! YOU CRAZY CRACKA! What's WRONG with these children of today? Don't they know they just hit one of the SISTAS OF THE CHURCH?

Bobo's dead... I had a miscarriage... But I discovered macrame!!

Mr. Weinberger, Dawn Davenport is eating a meatball sandwich right out in class. AND she's been passing newts.

"I've beat her with the car aerial. Nothing changes her. It's HARD being a loving mother!"

One beer with lunch is hardly drinking.

This is Dawn Davenport. DAWN DAVENPORT.

Who wants to do for ART?

Teabagging is STRICTLY forbidden at The Fudge Palace!

I don't want no white man lookin' at my Tampax!

One bullet can never destroy the beauty of fascism!

Oh my God Almighty! Someone has sent me a bowel movement!

Take the hairdo back!

For14 you don't look so good.

There's one girl, a Dawn Davenport, I think you'll like her. She particularly cheap.

Is this the cocksucker Residence?

Assholes

The children are having sex. Beth is pregnant. I narrowly escaped an assaination attempt on my life

I don’t know why you bother. You’ve always retained your fluids!

Halloween just slipped my mind this year!

Hurry, Heinz.

Pussywillow!!!

I’ll have an extremely large glass of ice water.

Do you relate to the music of Lesley Gore?

Mommy! Daddy! There’s a riot. A RACE riot.

Pretzels give you plaque.

Is your daughter mulatto?

Now they're threatening me, these awful, cheap girls.

I believe it's your night to service me, Lieutenant Wilson.

Thank God, my cab!

Hi stupid! Hi ugly!

Oooh Papa Tooney, we got us a looney!

I’m surprised she doesn’t order to wear my vagina backwards.

At first I thought he was walking the dog, then I realized it was his date.

I’m a good Christian woman!

Oh Papa Tooney, we got a looney!

Penny Pingleton, you know you are punished. From now on you're wearing a giant P on your blouse every day to school so that the whole world knows that Penny Pingleton is permanently, positively, punished.

Penny!!!!

It’s just these common Baltimore schools. God, I wish I lived in Connecticut!

Special Ed?!! That’s for retards!

Damn these designers!

Nice pelt!

At first I thought he was walking his dog. Then I realized, it was his date.

Stay away from me!!! Native woman!!!!

I got a busy day counting money tomorrow.

I learned all about my cervix in sex education class today!

You lazy bitch! I'm out working my tail off all day and you're in there fucking midgets!

Stop messing with my head! It’s my crotch that needs attention!

Scrubbed any interesting toilets lately?

This house is just like Architectual Digest, Francine.

Minicam?!?

Don’t tell me I don’t know what Vietnam was like!

"I ran outside, clapping my hands, shouting 'NO BLOWJOBS!'"

The egg man didn't do it, Babs! I know the egg man!

These are great lines. I've forgotten that he is a fairly talented writer.

Sign your posts with the movie!

Sorry, noticed the OP's request. Nevermind.

Edith Massey recorded some hilarious punk rock songs, Big Girls seems to have been the single. I don't think she recorded a complete album though, she died in 1984.

Dealing with the poor people is a waste of time. Only the rich should be allowed to live!

"Tea-bagging is forbidden at The Fudge Palace."

Well, Miss Sandstone, I guess there are just two kinds of people in this world: MY kind of people and ASSHOLES. It's rather obvious which category YOU fit into. Have a nice day!

"Kill EVERYONE !!"

She was a scrub woman! Give her carfare, a ham at Easter, but for God's sake, don't hang around with her!

I want cement covering every blade of grass in this nation. Don't we taxpayers have a voice anymore?

HE'S BEEN ... CASTRATED! HIS PENIS IS GONE!

Oh, Freddie you're so... POLITE.

You're just like all the rest of the common dykes in this town!

Oh, Heintz, she's straight from the gutter . . . a FILLE DE JOIE!

Naw, I don't want no GODDAMN EGGS! I want MEAT and PATAYTAS!

I seen it, man! I seen this weird-lookin' dude run right out and stomp on this honky lady's feet!

R4 you posted my favorite

GET THE FUCK OUT! Oh, Mrs. Dasher I’m so awfully sorry.

I seen you, Sylvia Stickles, showin' yer pubic patch to the bus driver. Why doncha move downtown where ya belong, ya whore!

"P" as in—

—People who don't mind their own business!

"I heard your daughter Sylvia picked up a bottle with her cooter in the old folks' home!"

Suzanne Somers, this is my bad side!!!

HI MARY!

I! blew! Richard! Speck!

We rarely eat any form of noodle

"Wear... your. SEATBELT!!!"

"REWIND!!!"

"Uck... look at her hair."

Mmm,baloney.

Acid does what Eterna 27 CANNOT!

The next package you bring me is getting shoved right up your little ass, can you comprehend that?!

Beverly, honey, you have some doo-doo on your shoe!

Poor, poor Francine.

Can the sermons and give me my wang! I want a wang and I WANT IT NOW!

Don't have an abortion, Lulu! Keep the baby, we'll get Pampers

If you get tired of being a Hare Krishna, you come live with me and be a lesbian!

"Good Lord Francine, don't you know it's bad luck to let retarded people into your house ?"

"Why don't you let that hair grow boy ? You look like fruit with that short hair !"

"The brilliant green of a grass stain?...The subtle yellow of a urine-soaked sheet?...The aqua-blue of cold water as it dilutes a violent red blood stain?...You mean the almond brown of a subtle mildew stain can be beautiful?"

"Just cuz you got them big udders don't mean you something special !"

We’re wasting valuable shopping time.

" WHITE HONKY ! You crazy cracker ! Don't he know he just hit one of the sisters of the church ? I'm sick to death of what these kids today.............."

You dance lewdly for the boys at recess, Lulu?

See these rings? Guess who bought them for me? If you want, you can look at my clothes. They're the finest in polyester . . . [italic]and I didn't pay for them![/italic]

"I don't know why you bother; you've always retained your fluids........"

-LaRue to her daughter Francine after she's walked in on her while she's on the toilet

FOR A QUARTER I WILL!

Sorry, may I suggest Mr. Ray's Wig World?

"Mr. Wineberger ......Dawn Davenport is eating a meatball sandwich right out in class."

I don’t want no white man looking at my Tampax.

Find Princess Coo-Coo and fuck her!

Who gave you that hook? Was it YOU Taffy?

I hope you didn't leave no pecker tracks on my gown!

Aim it the other way, Wink! You know how I detest organs!

She sounds like a chimpanzee on a tire swing.

Why, that child is high yellow!

Franklin Mint or not, that's damaged goods!

My theaters help stop rape!

Please help me, I'm a divorced woman!

Mrs. Fishpaw, it is the opinion of the Baltimore School System that your son Dexter is criminally insane!

I watch that tramp and I'm embarrassed to be white.

Yer rilly gauche, madam, a regler little coo-chon . . . and that means PIG!

And you had to pick a colored song, didn't you? You got something against Connie Francis? Shelley Fabares? I love Shelley Fabares!

Oh, Cuddles. You're too *old* to be a debutante.

Let's smoke some reefer and iron the chick's hair!

[quote]Oh, Cuddles. You're too *old* to be a debutante.

But I've already rented the hall!

[quote]Your ratted hair is preventing yet another student's geometry education.

I hate you! Fuck you! Fuck you both, you awful people! You're not my parents! I hate you! I hate this house! I hate Christmas!

R33, I got a knife here in my pocketbook and I'm gonna cut you up after class!

I know who you are. UGLY!

Let's all put on a folk hat and learn something about a foreign culture!

Don't you try any of your voodoo spells on me, you ... NATIVE WOMAN!

It's the times. They are a-changin'. Something's blowin' in the wind. Fetch me my diet pills, would you, hon?

Ahh! Help Francine, I got ants in my pants!

Can't you just sit here and look out into the air? Isn't that enough?

If it’s good enough for Gertrude Stein...

To think that MY genes were polluted by YOUR birth is not a very pleasant thought, Miss Taffy.

Well, hip hip hooray for your cheap climax! What about ME, fuckface?

Who are these hambones?

I don't have enough room in my kitchen!

....

You can't go to school because I said so. I won't have you nagging me for lunch money and whining for help on your homework. There is no need to know about presidents, wars, numbers or science. Just listen to me and you'll learn. And no little friends over here, repeating rhymes, asking flippant questions, and talking in those nagging baby voices. Can't you just sit here and look out into the air? Isn't that enough? Do you always have to badger me for attention?

They changed the grading system, Mom! “F” is for fantastic!

He's violated the oath of the friendship ring!

She forced me at gunpoint into her crummy little house, stripped me of my clothes, and made me exhibit myself in front of her!

Hey Taffy baby, come and suck your daddy's dick.

I wouldn't suck your ugly dick if I was suffocating and there was oxygen in your balls !

Where did you get this crap, Taffy? I told you to spend that money I gave you on a cute outfit, but ooooh-noooo! As soon as my back is turned, you run right out and spend it on props for your morbid little games! Well, I want it cleaned up pronto! We're having guests for dinner and I want you looking as P-R-E-T-T-Y as humanly possible!

Oh Cuddles, I’m an Alcoholic! I crave liquor this very minute.

Is this the Cocksucker residence?

Get the needle nose pliers!

We were just wondering where you were planning to spread your VD today, that's all . . . HUSSY!

You swapped me? For a milkmaid??

Oh Cuddles, maybe I should leave Baltimore.

Ever since I came here, you've done nothing but treat me like shit. Who the hell do you think you are? Yeah, I was a dance hall girl, but what makes you so high and mighty? You own a whorehouse! A whorehouse!... and with only three whores in it. One of them is just a senile old cow. And the other one's so new at it, she doesn't know which end to use. So what does that make you? The only whore in Chili Verde.

Stop the cab. Stop the CAB!

But... fashion has changed!

YOU COCKSUCKER! YOU LOUSY PIGFUCKER! YOU BITCH! YOU UGLY WHORE!

I love little chickies! 🐔

HEY LADY HAVE SOME CHIPS

You're a red cunt! A real fucking cunt. How can you be so shitty to people? How can you stand yourself?!!

I hardly think that a nudist janitor is a proper escort for a royal princess.

Not a John Waters movie, r174.

R180 *real cunt, not red cunt.

Like Griselda, I've had more than a few cocktails.

I got me a JOB as a GO-GO dancer at the FLAMIN’ CAVE LOUNGE!

It wasn’t blood... it was gore! Hanging there like a runny nose!

“I should be gettin’ a lot And i’m gonns take it all back and get the money for it. You can do that you know,”

As you know, today is Special Education’s turn at the dodgeball tournament. So let’s go into the locker room, get into our gym outfits, and show them that SPECIAL EDUCATION is nothing to be laughed at!

I'm so hungry, I could eat cancer.

I'll have a double egg salad on toast

I couldn’t POSSIBLY have spaghetti! Do I LOOK Italian??

I don't want some renegade necrophile princess as my roommate!

I have never found the antics of DEVIANTS to be one bit amusing!

What on Earth are you wearing?! This is not Halloween!

This IS a classroom, and not a cocktail lounge!

True, true, TRUE, Miss Judefein! You must have been talking on the telephone instead of doing your homework last night!

Hi, I'm Raven, I'm a Satanist and I'll be doing your make-up.

I want to be near the auto industry.

I'm a cunnilingus bottom.

She's such a queer.

Children would only get in the way of our erotic lifestyle

I'll never have another one!

It's just a skirt and SWEATER!

Eat it Peggy! Eat It!

Peggy: I don't know how.

"This isn't diversity, it's depravity. On my way over here, I saw a man performing oral sex on a lady in a car. IN BROAD DAYLIGHT!!!"

Look at all these trees. Stealing my oxeygen!

Now, Mama, that's just egg paranoia!

Ida Nelson that's a lie!

It was posted way above but:

OH MY GOD ALMIGHTY:! SOMEONE HAS SENT ME A BOWEL MOVEMENT!"

I was young and only a few weeks into New York from rural North Carolina. He was sweet, loving, hot. and had a good job in the arts. He gave me my first hit of acid, took me to a midnight showing of Pink Flamingos and then to my first NYC disco. Then we went to his apartment and fucked, top and bottom, for hours and hours and hours.

I was so in love with Joel but it only lasted awhile and I doubt he survived the 1980s.

Ah, liasions....

FIVE?!?!

I am sick of listenin' to your bitchin'. The next time you feel a fit comin' on, go outside and bitch. Bitch at the air. Bitch at the trees. But don't bitch at us!

Trade is my life!

Oh, Donald, this place is HIDEOUS! I'm afraid rats are gonna jump out and bite my new nylons!

[A few minutes later]

Good evening Dawn . . . your directions were pinpoint-perfect. And your street, well, it's a street of charm!

Never have I encountered such morally bankrupt group of people.

I bruise and sue easily.

You got any Spray Net, hon? Mah hair's fallin' right down, right off mah head!

Yes folks, this isn't any cheap X-rated movie or any fifth-rate porno play, this is the show you want—Lady Divine's Cavalcade of Perversions, the sleaziest show on earth! Not actors, not paid impostors, but REAL ACTUAL FILTH who have been carefully screened in order to present to you the most flagrant violation of natural law known to man! These assorted sluts, fags, dykes, and pimps know no bounds! They have commited acts against God and nature, acts that by their mere existence would make any decent person recoil in disgust!

You filthy muff-divers will pay for this! No dyke gives ME orders!

Princess Perfect!

Full of grace! Full of grace!

There it is: one hell of a rotten face.

Your hairspray bill alone is eating up all the profits from the tilt-a-whirl!

...and I’ll thank you for this fuckin’ hook, after I rip your mother’s eyes out with it!

Why did you tell me your never wash your pussy?

If you don't give me a sex change, I'll cut off your peter and sew it on me myself!

Virgil! You will too lick your sister's pussy if she gets horny!

r189, it's

Could somebody run and get me... a double egg salad on white toast?

The children are having sex, Beth’s PREGNANT...

Fuckin' chickens! These fuckin' things hurt!

l love you even more than my own filthiness...more than my hair color.

Alright everybody let’s go! Let’s play DODGE BALL!!!!

Right here on this very bed is where they touch their uninspired little organs together, vainly trying to recharge their worn-out battery of filthiness

Connie probably takes Raymond's little peanut of a cock between her brittle, chapped lips and then scrapes her ugly, decayed teeth up and down on it

The dining room ! This is where they eat, Crackers. This is where they shove dirty little portions of bacteria down their weasely little throats.

Off topic, but I simply cannot wait to say that someone sounds like ‘a chimpanzee on a tire swing”

Just 'cause we're pretty, everybody's jealous!

I couldn't possibly eat spaghetti. Do I look Italian?

"And no little friends over here, repeating rhymes, asking flippant questions, and talking in those nagging baby voices!"

"GODDAMNIT Taffy, NOW you're gonna get it!!"

One week left of the exhibition "Indecent Exposure" in Columbus, OH. Culminating on the final day with a double feature of "Pecker/Female Trouble".

"Oh Cuddles! I am an ALCOHOLIC !"

I'm a winner, Corny!

I think I'll warm this in my own little oven...

[quote]Connie probably takes Raymond's little peanut of a cock between her brittle, chapped lips and then scrapes her ugly, decayed teeth up and down on it

Meanwhile, asshole Raymond thinks he's gettin' the best head on the East Coast!

Even with the hectic events of the day, Raymond Marble still finds time to satisfy his perverted urges. Watch as he not only commits another act of indecent exposure, he adds to the social horror by making his wife wait in the car!

It was then that I realized she was using her rosary as a tool of [italic]erotic pleasure![/italic]

[quote]The dining room! This is where they eat, Crackers. This is where they shove dirty little portions of bacteria down their weasely little throats.

This is where they spread germs, disease, and infection, gobbling obscene fruits and vegetables all in the name of health! How disgusting! GET THIS TABLE SOAKING WET!

R230, I 💕 how the gym teacher says “dodge ball”.

That fat thing?

Can someone post Dawn Davenport's explanation to the Dashers of how she got her black eye?

Tracy Turnblad is a whore!

The council will now meet in secret, debate your personality flaws, and come to a final decision.

Would you swim in an integrated pool?

It's like the June Taylor Dancers!

"Am I invited?" "N"

Nice girls don't wear cha cha heels.

Ida wanna cracker???

Well, I'm afraid it HAS happened!

That’s what Jesus would do!

It’s a good thing you’re not Pinocchio; your nose would be a mile long!

Beauty beauty look at you, wish to God I had it too!

ACID!

It's Acid!

It's melting her face!

Oh, [italic]that[/italic]—I am SO embarrassed. I fell getting on the bus and hit my eye on the fare box. Well, I felt like a [italic]damn fool![/italic]

[bold]HOLD THEM GODDAMN CHICKENS![/bold]

Hello little birdie, wanna piece of pizza?

You can't wear white after Labor Day!

Help me, Betty, he's worse than the dentist in "Marathon Man".

"She was NUDE!"

We’re going on a hay ride!!

Keep the change, you son of a PSYCHO!

...I iron my hair, and I AM Odetta!!

Fatty, fatty two by four, can't get through the dressing room door? I'm Mr Pinky, owner of the Heft Hide Away, 311 Eastern Avenue. Are you big boned, got a glandular problem but still want the glamour? Don't worry about it, the Hefty Hide Away has got it all.

Come on, bitch! Eat some dog food! Eat it! Eat it, you bitch! Put my baby in the refrigerator!

[QUOTE]But... fashion has changed!

NO, it hasn't !

Are those pussywillows?

Listen to your filthy mouth, you fuckin' whore!

That's no excuse for a morbid imagination.

Whatever it is, it's a hair don't.

One, two, cha cha cha! Faster! Mashed potatoes!

Seize Her then Fuck Her !!

We invented post-its!

I always loved the one at R146

Are those PUSSYWILLOWS?

Ooops, just saw it at 274. Sorry for the repeat

Francine got two thousand a month plus the house! We've got to move fast.

[quote]something that John Waters might have wrote.

Oh, DEAR.

You can jump rope in the bathroom!

A Halston? How au courant!

Q: Divine, are you a lesbian?

A: Yes! I have done EVERYTHING!

Oh, that LITTLE M.F.!

Not Miss Tracy, Cyd Charisse herself. SHE'S too busy ratting her hair and doing the Ubangi Stomp!

Go home to your mother! Doesn't SHE ever watch you? Tell her this isn't some Communist day-care center! Tell your mother I HATE her! Tell your mother I hate [bold]YOU!!![/bold]

I'm [bold]GLAD[/bold] I had an abortion.

Your father might be forced in integrate Tilted Acres and THEN where will we be??

Get the hook! GO FUCK YOURSELF!

No, please, not a kiss! I swear I'll gag! Mount me if you must, but not a kiss!

Gee, Francine, hasn't he ever heard of the Hilton?

Well Miss Sandstone, Miss Sandy Sandstone

Technique is nothing more than failed style.

From your appearance Miss Davenport, it looks like you never STOPPED eating!

EGGS! EGGS! OH, HELP! GOD! GOD!

The press still calls me ‘The Dog Food Murderess.’

Damn that hellcat of a daughter of mine! That good-for-nothing simpleminded scalawag! Damn, damn, damn her!

Six bucks.... hey you are rich!

A lottery ticket... well I'LL TAKE IT AND I'LL WIN IT!

You're not my daddy, you disgusting hippie pig! And I wouldn't get near a bed that had been defiled by the likes of you two! I'd sooner jump in a river of snot!

Squeaky Fromme, where are you when we need you?

I want a wang. GIVE ME A WANG! Or I'll cut your peter off and sew it on myself.

C'mon bitch, cut these tits off!

Now I won't have any organs. It'll be like having a Barbie doll crotch.

Oh Mole, honey. I'll kiss it. Lick it. Eat it like always.

Get out of my chambers, lesbians!

I love the feel of cold nylon on my BIG BUTT!

I'd love to stick my whole head in your mouth and let you suck out my eyeballs!

That was a real SOUL kiss!

No wonder you people are always in the unemployment line!

Peggy: I'm a very wealthy woman.

Mole: Yeah, and I'm Cybill Shepherd!

The really funny stuff is his commentary on all his old films.

For Mortville, they rented a bus and drove around Baltimore picking up the homeless. Then they drove them out in the middle of nowhere and forced them to film before taking them back to the city.

Waters said one bum had shit his pants so they left him on the bus all day!

I'm a stripper!

And I work for the phone company!

Hey Ma! There's a SHITHEAD here to see ya!

Mmmmmm, bah-loney!

I never meant to use macrame to kill !

Take that little whore down to the massage parlor where she belongs! And as for you, BUNGHOLE, you got an appointment at the House of Torture with some very dirty old men!

Now l've got nothin' but hampers of ironing to do...and my diet pill is wearing off.

Fuck homework! Who cares if we fail?

R317 Disqualified!

I'm trying to get an education so I can get into a good college! It's not fair!

A MINI-CAAAAAAMMMMM!

I wasn't always like this - of course I was always visually stunning.....

Due to your present condition may we ask you to refrain from using the kitchen utensils.....

Forget my mouth, it's the V in my crotch that needs the attention!

Okay lez beans, I caught ya! Bumpin’ pussies is against the rules!!

I wish I could be more like you, Cuddles . . . always optimistic. I look into my future, and all I see is a long, dark highway, filled with endless tollbooths and no exits.

It saddens me that you have to see anything zees common, madame.

Pretzels give you plaque

You made Gator go away. Here! I got something for your face. Mother Fuckerrrrr!

I'm gonna finger my asshole and I can't wait!

I don't know what I was thinking when I had her. I ain't never having another one.

I'm glad I had an abortion.

Give me that jump rope. Given me those scissors.

(Whilst cutting through the jump rope) That's the last time she's playing with this God damn thing, I hate it.

Emergency! Emergency! Heinz! Hurry Heinz! Emergency!!

R338, I love that line!

I'm a thief and a shitkicker and, uh . . . I'd like to be famous.

R340 You're quite striking.

Pretty...pretty?

You must have been talking on the telephone instead of doing your geography homework

Weren't you the chick from Howard Stern? Be a good little girl and put your vagina up to the phone!

You made love to me on Christmas Day!

NOT ON CHRISTMAS! NOT ON CHRISTMAS!

Aw Christ, I'm comin' . . .

Why yes, I believe a woman [italic]does[/italic] live there—if you could [italic]call[/italic] her a woman . . . she is a WHORE, officer!

Down with smut! Down with smut!

What do we want? Disney! What do we hate? Filth!

Oh Wanda, you sure is pretty in them tight clothes, all painted up like trash!

Okay, who put this hemorrhoid cream in here? There is nothing wrong … with MY BUTT!

LET MY MOTHER'S PUSSY BE!

Sodomites! Caught right in a sex orgy! Filthy, dirty, filthy! Is that what you learned in private school, young man? Nude, nude, nude! You could be pregnant, Beth! And as for YOU, I never thought you would rape your own sister! Oh GOD, the children are having SEX!

‘Cock-a-doodle doo!’

One of the funniest things ever in his films was at the start of ‘Polyester’, when the camera panned over suburbia and the cock crowed. Because keeping chickens was NOT allowed in middle-class Maryland suburbs, not even in the early 1980s.

I read in the paper the other day that the average married couple has sex over 100 times a year! That's a lie—people would be RAW if that was true!

"I'm in the little girls room, Mother"

"You're so cute when you're tipsy!"

Get the hook!

Fat ... very fat.

And I'm just so fuckin' beautiful I can barely stand it my own damn self!

GET OFFA ME, MILKHEAD!

Christ, haven't they heard of the Hilton?

Go to second. Go to second!

Hey little birdie.

Want some pizza?

OH, YOU TOUCHED ME! NOW MY FLESH IS ROTTING—[bold]THE TOUCH OF SCUM!!![/bold]

You can lick my royal hemorrhoids, you FAT PIG!

Hello-ay! Hold-ay on-ay!

You better calm yourself down before I haul off and smack you upside your wide, wide head. We killed your husband—and I AIN'T your maid anymore, BITCH. I'm your SISTA IN CRIME!

LiQuid eyeliner enhances one's beauty !

Off subject but related - William Barr is Peggy Gravel with Moe's errant penis stitched on......

Discuss.

The Lipstick Beauty Salon is the best. They only let special girls in. You even have to audition to get your hair done!

No candy means DEATH!!!!!

Ida Nelson, that's a lie!

Find 'em, feel 'em, fuck 'em, forget 'em. Is that your new motto?

I'm a man Muffy. I man trapped in a woman's body!

Try one. They're really quite tasty!

Ooh, LITTLE MASCARA BRUSHES!

My little Tracy is a CLEAN TEEN!

Q: Can you relate to Lesley Gore's music?

A: Look, she ain't no James Brown, but I can dance to Lawrence Welk if I have to!

Oh, Papa Tooney, we've got a looney!

I worry that you'll work in an office, have children, celebrate wedding anniversaries.

The world of the heterosexual is a sick and boring life.

EAT THE BIRD, BITCH!!!

Look like you've just won a prize!

This is SHOW BUSINESS, young lady! If you think you’re nervous now - ha! Wait till you’re on the air!

Oh Mother, you're so 50s. (meaning the decade)

Thirsty, Grizelda?

If I don’t get those chacha heels for Christmas, Mom and Dad are dead!

Oh, come on! The show's not filmed in CinemaScope!

You can lick my royal haemorrhoids, you fat pig

Damn these designers

“Spaghetti and cheese? Do I look italian?”

The rats in this neighborhood are chewing at my nylons

Dotty, you just broke my faberge egg, the LEAST you could do is apologize!

Could we all say grace, could we at least do that?

'Cause I'm fat enough already!

Take your tools and go fuck a garage!

I love you so much I could shit.

Chip, please. Not the brown word.

Now I'll NEVER get a boyfriend!

Did you see that?

She just said FUCK YOU!

Fuck you, too...whore.

Mrs. Hinkle, are you insane?

Oh look! It's Franklin Mint!

She's singing [italic]Annie[/italic]!

That's not a line

'I got put in special ed because of my HAIR!!!'

My mama says Negro Day ain't nothin' but segregation!

See two real life fags kissing!

I don't want no white man looking at my Tampax!

Oh Cuddles!! I am an AL-co-HOL-ic!!

How dreadfully recherché!

I'm gonna hafta give you a SPANKUN! Now get up here with that behind! Come on, over my knee, ya little bastard! THIS WILL TEACH YOU TO AROUSE ROYALTY!

Well, hellay, meuviegaers! This is Mister J speaking to you from Dreamland Studios! This beautiful mobile home you see before you is the current hideout of the notorious beauty Divine, The Filthiest Person Alive! Because of this cover story in one of your sleazier national tabuloids, she has been forced to go underground, disguising her appearance and adopting the alias Babs Johnson. With her live her trusted traveling companion Cotton, her delinquent son Crackers, and her mentally ill mother Miss Edie. LET'S TAKE A PEEK INSIDE!

This is show biz! If you think you're nervous now--HA!--wait til you're on the air!

Now they're threatening me... those awful, cheap girls!