Celebrities with stupid names

Lake Bell

for some reason I just hate Kirsten Dunst. Not the person, just the name. Pisses me off on some weird level. Be Kristen Dunts already, goddammit.

madonna

Donald Trump

Whoopi Goldberg

Imogen Poots

I know he died tragically young and all, but I found Anton Yelchin a strange name. And Yael Stone bothers me on the same level. Maybe it’s the “Y” a strange letter to start a name?

OP, according to Wiki:

Treat is a family name (a distant relative, Robert Treat Paine, signed the Declaration of Independence)

Kurtz' first name is derived from the old B-17D Flying Fortress bomber, which her bomber pilot father flew during World War II -- and it's her "real" name, not a nickname

Rip is a nickname (better than his real name, Elmore Rual Torn Jr.) and a family tradition -- and he's a cousin to Sissy Spacek

Uma, Oprah

Oprah was supposed to be Orpah which sounds worse.

What do you mean by "supposed to be" r 10? Did they spell it wrong on her birth certificate? I've always assumed that's why Dwyane Wade spells his name funny....not to mention Anfernee Simons and Anfernee Hardaway.

Best known as Dorian Lord on One Life To Live, Robin Strasser's full name is Robin Victory In Europe Strasser.

R10 What? They were having a hard time spelling Harpo backwards?

Oprah has said in interviews that "my name had been chosen from the Bible. My Aunt Ida had chosen the name, but nobody really knew how to spell it, so it went down as "Orpah" on my birth certificate, but people didn't know how to pronounce it, so they put the "P" before the "R" in every place else other than the birth certificate. On the birth certificate it is Orpah, but then it got translated to Oprah, so here we are."

Finn Wittrock

Vin Diesel

Skeet Ulrich

Yaya Dacosta

Dick Trickle

KJ Apa, but he is so cute so all is forgiven.

Busy Fucking Phillips. Matches her annoying face.

Ryder Strong

Kirsten is known as Kiki to her friends.

Sissy Spacek

I think I hate Kiki also. I got issues.

Dick Van Dyke

R20 I've known several older women named Sissy, and they were wonderful women.

Leelee Sobieski

Mutt Lange

I always through Reese Witherspoon was a dumb name.

Dick Van Dyke was born Penis Van Lesbian.

I know it’s not his real name but the name Engelbert Humperdinck for the win...

Lolo Jones

Iggy Azalea Azealia Banks Grimes Elon Musk

Okaay there, there should have been commas between the names. Lemme try again. Iggy Azalea, Azealia Banks, Grimes, Elon Musk.

Elon Musk, that is annoying. He is also annoying. But also the name, damn that is annoying.

Jussie Smollett.

Sissy is a nickname. Her birth name is Mary Elizabeth Spacek.

Meryl Streep is Mary Louise Streep

Also Jurnee Smollett, Jocqui Smolett.

Reese Witherspoon's real name is Laura Jeanne Reese Witherspoon

Blanket Jackson. Just shut the hell up. For so many reasons.

R38 Still not as horrendous as Jermajesty Jackson.

Jodie Foster is Alicia Christian Foster

Beyonce, especially when referred to as Yonce.

Yma Sumac etc.

(see link)

Yahoo Serious

Cornelius Crane Chase, aka Chevy

Iggy Pop

Jaboukie Young-White

ZaSu Pitts

Benedict Cumberbatch Zooey Deschanel

**To R2 growling about Dunst and doing the standard tiresome dyslexic transposition that goes on EVERYWHERE commonly and consistenty wrt "Kirsten" imto "Kristen" - as a lezzy-cum-DL lurker frau "Kirsten" myself, on behalf of my fellow "Kirstens", I call you a dunce!

^^Before I get 'Oh deared!" by R2 or another in fessin' up lezzy frau factor and a DL beatdown, I realise a comma is missing between Cumberbatch and Zooey.

Iaon Gruffudd

Chloë Moretz

Pupi Campo.

Wolf Blitzer

Wynonna Judd

Glenn Close for a female!

I love the Buttigiegs but Chasten is a silly name.

Wynonna was born Christina Claire.

Q-Tip

P. Diddy

Rita Ora

Bebe Rhexa

Bebe Neuwirth

Its not stupid but its so gay: Tom Cruise

Aunjanue Ellis

Joceyln Wilderstien

Margot Hemingway

Season Hubble

Feonix Fellington

Irma LeDuece

M&M

Xen Wow

Tu Tons Mabien

Sari Hardass- Ward

Tim O Tay

Candy Darling

Mister mister

Lady Gaga

Jefro Bodine

Aretha

Any grown man with a little-boy name: eg Billy, Jimmy, Robbie, Willie, etc. And women with stripper names: Ruby, Sailor etc.

Willie Sailor

Billy Rubin

*Ruben

Ruben Stuttgart

Mayoral Candidate

Pete Butt Howdy

Barack Obamacare

Kay Lenz

Helen Twelvetrees

Rip Torn

Lorne Green.

R15

Finn Wittrock, Vin Diesel, and Skeet Ulrich are all promisingly HOT names. Finn and Skeet were both gorgeous young men, although they could have been taller to live up to their hot names. Vin Diesel, oh well at least he has the name.

Mia Goth

Yeezy

Puff Daddy

HDJC Pounder

Topher Grace

Drew Carey

Busy Phillips

Taliisa Soto (her name is Lisa but she claims her prefame boss was always saying “tell Lisa...” so she changes her name to Tell Lisa / Talisa).

Ginnifer Goodwin

Sting

Apple Martin, daughter of Gwyneth Paltrow

Another vote for Topher Grace and anyone trying to make Topher a diminutive of Christopher.

Dash Riprock

Good work, r61. You've butchered a number of names on your list.

Ben Dover Gladley

Picabo Street.

Tempestt Bledsoe.

Gale Storm.

Stormi Daniels.

Brett Favre (the V comes before the fucking R, so pronounce it that way!)

Sade (how can anyone get "shar-day" out of that?)

Anthony Weiner (heh.)

Michael Buble.

Skeeter Davis.

Jane Horrocks.

Pert Kelton.

Sug Knight (if you can't fug it, sug it).

Dweezil Zappa

Google Withers

Muhlaysia Booker

Paris Themmen

Nana Visitor-DS9

Rumor Willis. I’ve always hated the name and the person.

Salome Jens-DS9

Rumer.

Barack Hussein Obama. (Just hate the name, not the person.)

Candy Spelling.

The worst name in modern history of course: Kardashian. All spawn of Satan, from the senior Robert who got rid of crucial evidence in the OJ case, to the lazy fat son, to Pimp Mama Kris and her minions.

Soleil Moon Frye

A-Rod, J-Lo, and Ye (short for Kanye.) Although not their legal names I’m sure they secretly get off on them.

Nipsey Hussel

Goldie Hawn

Learned Hand

Reality Winner

Lady Gaga. Stage name of course but incredibly stupid.

China Kantner (daughter of Grace Slick and Paul Kantner)

Chynna Phillips (daughter of Michelle and John Phillips)

I mean, WTF

Carnie Wilson.

Tiger Lily Geldof

Pixie Geldof

Jewel (the folk singer with the messed up teeth)

Gigi Hadid. Gigi might work on an Upper East Side socialite, but it’s just silly on a dumb, vapid celebuspawn model.

Romeo (the son of Posh and Becks)

Satchel Farrow

Satchel? WTF!! You may have the winner.

Ce-Lo Green. And most other black “celebs.”

Ice T

Truvy and M’Lynn. May not be “Hollywood” celebs but are well known in my little Louisiana shithole town.

R66 Helen Twelvetrees was Rin Tin Tin's favorite actress.

Madonna

ZaSu Pitts..... awful first name worse last name... especially when she could have changed both names to something pleasing......

Ricou Browning despite the fact he was a neighbor of my grandparents.

Vera Vague Peggy Mount

R109 Barbara Jo Allen IS Vera Vague.....One IMDb name, and one "billed as" (most of her features & all of her shorts). Obviously a gimmick. I found her hysterical.

Kato Kaelin (real name Brian Jerard Kaelin).

Rory Culkin

Mick Jagger

C. C. H. Pounder

Honeysuckle Weeks

Spoken Reasons

Ish Kabibble

Ll cool j

Vanilla ice

(Insert rapper's name

Brie Larson

Yahoo Serious

Jedediah Bila.

This list of names is making me think of the Chloé Sevigny YouTube videos.

SE Cupp

122 posts and no Armie Hammer yet?

Justin Bieber

Baseball player Felipe Alou.

His brother, Manny Alou.

Poopy Montgomery.

Leighton Meester (hey, meester, you buy my seester?)

Blake Lively

Bruno Mars.

Flo Rida (I'd like Al Obama better).

Mary Steamburgers or whatever her stupid name is.

Brie Larson's real name is not Brie Larson

Yahoo Serious

For R107 (and for anyone else who cares), ZaSu was named for her aunts Eliza and Susan. Her parents didn't want to choose one aunt over the other, so they combined Za from Eliza and Su from Susan to create ZaSu.

Brooklyn Beckham

S Epatha Merkerson

Rockets Redglare

Cherry Vanilla

Shiri Appleby (but I loved her as Liz Parker)

Thanks R110.

R88 And her brother, Meenu Peluce.

Moon Unit Zappa (Frank Zappa's daughters's name)

Zowie Bowie (now known as Duncan Jones - David Bowie's son)

I used to think 'Carrie Snodgrass' and 'Merryl Streeep' were utterly bizarre.

But now I ignore them.

R134 I wonder how Mary Louise Streep got to be MERYL. Anyone know the origins of her 'screen' name.

Oh please R549. The ‘colouring’ referred to, is a quaint old expression referring to hair and eyes. It differentiates between brunettes, redheads or blondes, and is nothing to do with skin colour. Not all references to ‘colour’ are about skin colour.

Sorry, wrong thread. How does that happen? ^^^

R135 Meryl = a contraction of Mary Louise. I thought that was obvious.

Cobie Smulders

KJ Apa

Chord Overstreet

Troian Bellasario

Keanu Reeves; who looks at their first born child and thinks, he reminds me of a cool breeze over the mountains.

Twink Caplan

Indigenous peoples, spiritual people, r140. I mean same could be said for any name. Who would loom at their child and say, "he looks like a Frank"?

I hated being loomed over by grownups when I was a tot.

143 replies and no one's mentioned the stupidest name of all, Cokie Roberts. I can just see her with a powder-coated mirror in one hand and a razor blade in the other.

"Cokie"—god, what a stupid name!

Blue Ivy

Busy Philipps

Viggo Mortensen great actor, sexy man but oh that name

Engelbert Humperdinck

Meat Loaf - born Marvin Lee Adair

Joaquin Phoenix his real last name was Bottom

P!nk love her, love her music but God I hate that name

Mr. T

Bindy Irwin

Sigourney Susan Weaver. Pretentious no Oscared poser.

Reality winner

Jensen Ackles

R146 does that mean River was born River Bottom?

R146 I condole Mr Bottom.

And I also condole all those Anglo-Saxon people with basic Anglo-Saxon names.

(My local survey has unearthed

Miss B. Ghost

Mr. W Bastard

Mr Moses Sidebottom

Mr J. Fallick

The Bull family

The Hogg family

Miss C Blood

Mr C Hatt

Mr D Looney

Mr D’Ath and Mr O Death

Mr G Pile

Mr E Tooth

Mr C Trout

Miss P Sidebottom

Mr T Coffin

Mr M Titt

Mr G Moth

Mr G Money

Mr Roach

as well as Mr Smellie and Mr Badcock

and those prettier names

Mr E Bythesea

and Mr Godbehere)

Messy Kevin Sessums.

Judith Light

Shadoe Stevens

Michael Learned

I think we’re forgetting the stupidest of all: Puff Daddy, P. Diddy, Puffy.....whatever he’s called now. Stupid, mouth breathing, worthless human that he is.

Snoop Dogg

Crystal Bowsersox (?)

Tuesday Weld

January Jones

Marina Sirtis

Rene Auberjonois

Cirroc Lofton

Ulysses Grant

The first president of WADA, so not really a 'celebrity' but still- Dick Pound. A man who truly missed his vocation.

R158 I have always kind of liked January Jones’ name. No idea why.

Italia Ricci. Is she related to Christina?

Quvenzhané Wallis

Thora Birch. Roma Maffia. Awkafina.

Blac Chyna.

Dodo Denney

Thora Hird

(a woman who looked and sounded as unattractive as her own name)

Lupita Oingo'Boingo, or whatever her crazy-ass name is.

Whoopi Goldberg

Topher Grace

Douche Bagge

Bar Refaeli

Shadoe Stevens was formerly a radio DJ, most DJs had incredibly stupid names: Cousin Brucie, Wolfman Jack, Rosko, Murray the K, Dandy Dan, Dr. Demento, Zacherle, Emperor Rosko, Allison Steele The Nightbird, Spangles Muldoon, Casey Kasem, The Real Don Steele and so many others I cannot remember off the top of my head.

[quote]S Epatha Merkerson

Black folks sure have some funny names.

Sting

Bono

Madonna

[quote]Bono

Vaffanculo!

Jackson Galaxy (not his real name) the guy on My Cat from Hell.

deadmau5

Blaze Berdahl, sounds like a 1950s stripper name.

Charisma Carpenter, she was supposedly named after an AVON fragrance, Charisma!

Arizona Muse, this cannot be a real name!

Chord Overstreet, a name meant for country music!

Saxon Sharbino, Sprague Grayden, Wentworth Miller and Teal Redmann, a few performers who go by two surnames.

Odette Annable, she dropped her actual surname Justman. Think Annable is her husband's last name.

Taika Waititi - director

Meta World Peace- basketball player

Scientific Mapp - basketball player

Nickie Minaj

Sosie Bacon

[quote]Brie Larson -Alison Brie

To be fair, Brie was smart enough to use that as her stage name instead of her real name Brianne Desaulniers. Also, Alison Brie's real last name is Schermerhorn. Another celeb who made the right choice to use a stage name is Kate McKinnon. Her real last name is Berthold. Kate's younger sister is a voice actress who goes by the stage Emily Lynn.

Rooney Mara

Bryce Dallas Howard

[quote]Sorry, wrong thread. How does that happen?

You’re an idiot. Like so many other posters on this thread.

Please spell my stupid name correctly.

Saying a name from a foreign culture is stupid when you don't even know the meaning is just ignorant. It's like saying the alphabet from a foreign language is stupid when you don't even study the language.

God, what stupid names in this thread.

[quote]Saying a name from a foreign culture is stupid when you don't even know the meaning is just ignorant. It's like saying the alphabet from a foreign language is stupid when you don't even study the language.

I was just going to post that! Most names, such as Taika Waititi,would simply be a normal name in New Zealand. His father is Māori of Te Whānau-ā-Apanui and his mother is of Russian Jewish heritage. Waititi has used his mother's surname, "Cohen", for some of his work in film and writing.

Buttigieg

Bjork

River Phoenix

Tab Hunter

Tab Hunter hunting down people who don't pay their tab.

Rodolfo Alfonso Raffaello Pierre Filibert Guglielmi di Valentina d'Antonguolla

Pussy Galore

Kitty Litter

Shaquille O'Neal

Chesty Morgan

Lorde

Nene Cherry and Eagle Eye Cherry

Susie Sexpert

Nene=Neneh

Tippi Hedren

Ayn Rand

Tea Leoni

Maury Povich

Gaye Talese

Tova Traesnaes Borgnine

Richard Trethewey

Marla Maples

Donald Trump

Muriel aka Kevin Sessums.

Kiernan Shipka

Doutzen Croes

Aubrey Plaza would be a great name for an outlet strip mall in middle America, a classy place to buy out-of-season J Crew overstock and such.

Wentworth Miller. It's a pretentious as he is and adds to his general smugness. Eagle Eye Cherry. Totally thought it was a stage name but it isn't. At least it's memorable. Banks Bair. Future stupid celebrity name thanks to Hilary Duff naming her daughter this.

Parker Posey.

Carrie Snodgrass.

Most of these names listed aren't "stupid". Many of the names listed are of foreign origin and could actually be the foreign equivalent of 'Ann' or 'Joe' OR the equivalent of surnames such as 'Smith' or 'Jones'.

Some for you are so damn clueless and ignorant. For instance, the names 'Patel' and "Ahmed' are extremely common South Asian last names, as are Wong and Chin in the East Asian culture.

Get a clue!

Saoirse Ronan

"To be fair, Brie was smart enough to use that as her stage name instead of her real name Brianne Desaulniers. Also, Alison Brie's real last name is Schermerhorn."

I actually like their real names better. I hate it when actresses use their middle names as a last name - makes them sound like porn stars (i.e. Lea Michele, Shannon Elizabeth)

My Mom thought Swoosie Kurtz' name was"Susie Squirts."

Viggo would be a normal name in Denmark.

R218: It rhymes with “piggo” in English.

“Susie Squirts” seriously sounds like a good porno name.

Ian Fried (Nurse Rosenthal’s youngest son on [italic]St. Elsewhere[/italic])

Doodles Weaver (Sigourney’s Uncle, who shot himself)

Elvis

How about politicians and their incredibly stupid nicknames?

The Gipper, Teflon Tony, McNasty, Martian Van Ruin, Tulsi, Beto, Tip, Newt, Young Boozer, Rahmbo, Slick Wille, Mittens, Bubba etc etc.....

Tipper

Zazie Beetz real name: Zazie Olivia Beetz. Actually Betz in German, her father is German.

Swizz Beatz, real name Kaseem David Dean

Kid Cudi, real name: Scott Ramon Seguro Mescudi

R219 I thought Viggo was pronounced like Vee-go.

Hurd Hatfield (old-timey actor)

R227 And Hollywood gay.

Jennifer Love Hewitt, cause you just know she added the Love.

Who is it who named their child Bronx? One of the ugliest names in the world.

Rip Torn

Oona Chaplin

Zowie Bowie

Dwayne Hickman

Gunilla Hutton

Joyce Bulifant

Marnie Nixon

I hate Demi Moore and Lovato.

What's wrong with Marnie Nixon?

Some people in this thread are too stupid to live!

Rosalie Crutchley

Joanne Dru's real name was Joan LaCock

Diana Dors' real name was Diana Fluck

Joaquin isn’t much better. The Riverboys never stood a chance.

Also: anything with Duggar as a last name. One of their kids is Jinger Duggar or something.

R237 All of their 146 kids have “J” names. Stupid on steroids.

"Mick Jagger."

What's stupid about that name? I think it's pretty cool.

At any rate those movie star names from the fifties were pretty silly; Rock Hudson, Tab Hunter, Rip Torn. Troy Donahue. Silly female celebrity names were Sandra Dee, Tuesday Weld. and Joey Heatherton.

River Phoenix renamed himself Phoenix His original name was even dumber. Joaquin Phoenix used to call himself "Leaf", so as to have a name more sounding like that of his siblings River, Rain, Liberty and Summer. At any rate, they were all saddled with dopey hippie names.

I think River is kind of a cool name

River Phoenix's original name was "River Bottom." Pretty dumb.

Knox Jolie-Pitt

Maddox Jolie-Pitt

Pax Jolie-Pitt

Shiloh Jolie-Pitt

FKA Twigs (IK it's just a stage name, but it's an awful one. What the hell is the FKA supposed to stand for anyway?)

[quote]Joanne Dru's real name was Joan LaCock

Joanne's elder brother, Peter LaCock, is better know as Peter Marshall, the actor and singer, known as the original host of the American game show Hollywood Squares.

[quote]Who is it who named their child Bronx? One of the ugliest names in the world.

Any first names which are a city or state, how absurd: Brooklyn, Bronx, Paris. All just completely ridiculous.

It's unfortunate, every time I see the first name 'Paris', I think of that useless dolt Paris Hilton. Paris actually isn't such a bad first name, I worked with a Paris, lovely woman. But I will forever think of Paris Hilton. I despise that woman.

The name Holland Taylor annoys me, no idea why. Piper Pierabo.

Has anyone mentioned Julia Roberts' twins: Hazel and Phinnaeus (sp?) Moder. I assume he's called Phin or something, but Hazel is one of those "old fashioned ugly names for girls" from another DL thread. Their other kid is named Henry, which was old-fashioned (maybe not now) but at least not ridiculous. It's like saying, I want my kids to hate me when they are teenagers.

R246 I haven't been in that "ugly old-fashioned girl's names" thread because it was already full by the time I came across it, but I will contribute that a couple years back, a coworker's daughter named their kid Prudence.

B-A-R-F!!

They call her Pru for short, which isn't much better. I asked my coworker if the baby was named after a great-great relative or anything, and she said "No, my daughter just likes old-fashioned names."

It's a shame because there are actually are a lot of beautiful old-timey names that you never hear anymore but are actually worth trying to bring back.

How about Italians, Greeks, South Asians, East Asians, basically non-Wasps, picking the most ridiculous Waspy names for theirs kids.

I have an Italian-American relative who named one of her kids Wesley. She's in denial or embarrassed by her Italian roots, she's all about her Waspy husband's background. She even changed her own Italian sounding first name!

Drake.

"It's like saying, I want my kids to hate me when they are teenagers."

Why would they hate her? Hazel is becoming more popular, and Phinnaeus probably just goes by Finn or Finny. People who don't like their name usually just go by a nickname or their middle name. Big whoop.

Bump. Dua Lipa. I feel stupid even saying it.

Lupita O'ingo B'oingo, or whatever her name is.

Jamila Jameel

I don’t mind weird/exotic names for celebrities...they want to stand out and be remembered.

I’m more annoyed when an actor doesn’t change his/her name when they should. As a kid, the two that really bugged me for some reason were Amy Jo Johnson and Walter Jones of Power Rangers. “Amy Jo” is so trailer park!

Cher

Madonna

Will.I.Am.

I get irritated when celebrities have names already in use: Fergie, Steve McQueen, etc.

Krystal Ball

Spring Byington

Zooey Deschanel

I like Spring Byington, it's pretty

Justin Bieber. Beeeeeberrrrr

Topher Grace. Grace is nice, but Topher?

50 Cent

Rita Ora

Channing Tatum

Anything with "tatum" in it. It sounds like something you'd order as a side with your truck stop sandwich.

I don’t think it’s a stupid name, but rather an example of being stupid about one’s name: Mariska Hargitay did one of those “Where am I From?” shows and went to her motherland somewhere in Eastern Russia. She met some obscure relative and said she had been named after her grandmother to which the relative started giggling and told her “Mariska” MEANS “Grandmother” in their language.

Babs Johnson

Oh what a stupid fucking name! She sounds like a chimpanzee on a tire swing.

Chastity Bono

Markie Post

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

Timothéé

have to disagree OP, i always thought "treat" was a very appropriate name for williams

Anne Bancroft told us all about this decades ago

DL had a thread about it long long ago but I don't know how to retrieve it.

The Rural Juror

Megan The Stallion—she's a female rapper (rappist?) who is apparently unaware that a stallion is always a male. She looks like she doesn't have two ounces worth of brains to rub together.