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Let’s Be a Gay Marriage!

I’m the flash mob marriage proposal video at Disneyland

by Anonymousreply 10404/17/2019

I’m the GoFundMe request for ridiculous luxuries

by Anonymousreply 104/15/2019

I’m the skid marks in both of the grooms’ underwear’s.

by Anonymousreply 204/15/2019

I’m the uncomfortable uncle with a flask in my coat pocket.

by Anonymousreply 304/15/2019

I'm the cubefraus who want to throw you a shower and we are all DYING for an invitation.

by Anonymousreply 404/15/2019

I’m the dumb relative that asks if you are the bride or the groom

by Anonymousreply 504/15/2019

I'm the two years that most of the guests are giving it.

by Anonymousreply 604/15/2019

I'm the who gives a fuck about marriage.

by Anonymousreply 704/15/2019

I'm the mail-order minister.

by Anonymousreply 804/15/2019

We’re Dot and Pat, the lesbian couple that brought a picnic basket filled with random boxes of candy as a wedding gift.

by Anonymousreply 904/15/2019

We’re the lesbian couple getting married - one of us will be wearing a wedding dress and the other will be in a tuxedo. ALWAYS

by Anonymousreply 1004/15/2019

I’m the Liza impersonator, who will be officiating the ceremony.

by Anonymousreply 1104/15/2019

I'm the dog coming down the aisle with the rings.

by Anonymousreply 1204/15/2019

I'm the tight grin and the crossed fingers at the blood test.

by Anonymousreply 1304/15/2019

I'm the former rights you had under Obama....enjoy your second class citizenship in 2020

by Anonymousreply 1404/15/2019

I'm the Best Tran!

by Anonymousreply 1504/15/2019

I'm the father of the bottom. I'll be paying for the wedding.

by Anonymousreply 1604/15/2019

I’m the altar pond with real swans—and a trellis-covered bridge going across it where the couple will exchange their vows 🦢 🦢

by Anonymousreply 1704/15/2019

I’m the stripper from the bachelor party. I had the last three way with the couple.

by Anonymousreply 1804/15/2019

I'm the all-Madonna playlist at the reception.

by Anonymousreply 1904/15/2019

I'm R20, I'm busy slapping the shit out of R2.

by Anonymousreply 2004/15/2019

We're the four guys from the gay chorus singing an a capella version of Savage Garden's "Truly Madly Deeply".

by Anonymousreply 2104/15/2019

I'm the alimony the responsible one is going to have to pay the flighty bur cute idiot in oh, about three years. You wanted rights? Well there's a lot that goes along with that, bitches.

by Anonymousreply 2204/15/2019

I'm Aunt Helga wondering how a marriage between two bottoms is going to last.

by Anonymousreply 2304/15/2019

I'm the mother of the bottom, dodging the photographer.

by Anonymousreply 2404/15/2019

I’m intricate wedding dance to be performed at the reception. The wedding party has been attending special classes with a professional choreographer for the last six months to make sure it’s perfect.

by Anonymousreply 2504/15/2019

I'm the Chinese girl who had do all the calligraphy on the invitations by hand. I was paid 86 cents per invitation.

by Anonymousreply 2604/15/2019

I’m the 80 year-old groom that came out last week who is marrying a 25 year old who just arrived from the Ukraine. Because it’s never too late for true love.

by Anonymousreply 2704/15/2019

I'm the straight brother of the bottom, feeling slightly uncomfortable and making inappropriate remarks to the lesbian best friend of the bottom.

by Anonymousreply 2804/15/2019

I’m the gay for pay male stripper who only wants to flirt with the women in attendance, even though most of them are lesbians.

by Anonymousreply 2904/15/2019

I'm the presidential candidate

by Anonymousreply 3004/15/2019

I’m the hot Brazilian escort hired to attend the wedding so the bottom’s out of town guests thinks he has hot friends.

by Anonymousreply 3104/15/2019

I'm the bottom's brother and also a pit bull of a divorce lawyer. I'm wondering how much of a discount I'll have to give my brother in a couple of years.

by Anonymousreply 3204/15/2019

I’m the guest that knows that the couple getting married REALLY met each other at the tubs one Saturday night at 3 am.—not on the deck of a cruise ship during a romantic sunset, like they’ve been telling everyone. 🤫

by Anonymousreply 3304/15/2019

I'm the game night that turns into a full on orgy.

by Anonymousreply 3404/15/2019

I’m the 30 minute long pledge of love both grooms have memorized to recite to each other before exchanging rings.

by Anonymousreply 3504/15/2019

I’m the flock of swans released at the reception

by Anonymousreply 3604/15/2019

I'm all the bottoms that have to make the day entirely about Donald Trump. "Glad we're getting married now. Under a President Trump in 2020 we'll be in camps."

by Anonymousreply 3704/15/2019

^above. "Cubefraus". Love it.

by Anonymousreply 3804/15/2019

I'm the sartorial flair of, say, bright pink socks or funky cufflinks, under a well-tailored tuxedo.

by Anonymousreply 3904/15/2019

What will be the wedding song selected by the couple for their first dance at the reception? Here’s the first one up for consideration:

by Anonymousreply 4004/15/2019

I'm the toast done in Arabic to show or solidarity with our Muslim brethren who are also being oppressed in this dying democracy of ours.

by Anonymousreply 4104/15/2019

R41 the couple with have everyone join together in a collective tongue trill as a symbolic tribute!

by Anonymousreply 4204/15/2019

I'm the Supreme Court Justice officiating at the marriage of two rapists.

by Anonymousreply 4304/15/2019

I'm one of the rainbow adopted children who wonders if I'm going to be wanted when I'm no longer cute enough for photo ops and just a pain in the ass teen. Hell I'm still a toddler and don't give it more than 2 years.

by Anonymousreply 4404/15/2019

I’m the lesbian couple that made a donation to the Bernie Sanders campaign in lieu of a wedding gift.

by Anonymousreply 4504/15/2019

I'm the asshole who always has to be present to piss people off that refers to marriage as "marriage" when it's a straight couple, and "gay marriage" when it's two men who have been married even though it's just a "marriage" or "wedding" regardless of the sexes of the two people being married. I also weirdly say "gay wedding" even though the wedding is not a male human that is into other male humans, or "lesbian wedding" even though the wedding is not a female human into other female humans, because I'm fucking slow and can't wrap my petite little brain around the concept of how marriage and weddings work. Sometimes I am so stupid I actually say "gay married" instead of "married", because I need that much help.

by Anonymousreply 4604/15/2019

I'm the anal retentive friend in charge of the gift table.

by Anonymousreply 4704/15/2019

I'm the Golden Girls Box Set on the gift table.

by Anonymousreply 4804/15/2019

I'm the ass of the banquet waiter one of the grooms is already checking out.

by Anonymousreply 4904/15/2019

I’m the douchebros crashing the f-g wedding for the free alcohol. Hope you like mimosas and appletinis!

by Anonymousreply 5004/15/2019

I’m the DLer in attendance that finds a punctuation error on the menus at the reception..

by Anonymousreply 5104/15/2019

I’m the self-loathing DLer who’ll never know love.

by Anonymousreply 5204/15/2019

I’m the surrogate who is already pregnant by one of the grooms via AI.

by Anonymousreply 5304/15/2019

I'm the straight white friend who thinks he's being inclusive by shimmying sideways across the dancefloor like MC Hammer when the DJ plays "You Can't Touch This" at the reception.

by Anonymousreply 5404/15/2019

I'm Roseanne, before I went all right-wing. Sure, have your wedding on my show. It's cool.

by Anonymousreply 5504/15/2019

We're the mothers of each of the grooms, sitting in the front pews across the aisle from one another, each of us feigning to be totally accepting that our son is marrying another man, and each of us trying suppress thoughts of tonight's consummation of the marriage; oh the horror!

by Anonymousreply 5604/15/2019

I’m a drunk grandfather asking a lesbian couple if they visit their homeland, the Isle of Lesbos, on a regular basis.

by Anonymousreply 5704/15/2019

I’m the groom that secretly wishes he could’ve worn a bridal gown on his (her?) special day.

by Anonymousreply 5804/15/2019

I'm the confused grandmother.

by Anonymousreply 5904/15/2019

I'm the tired ass EVERYTHING!

by Anonymousreply 6004/15/2019

I’m the wedding cake. Because subtlety is everything.

by Anonymousreply 6104/15/2019

I’m the straight brothers forcing a smile and trying not to puke when the couple kisses.

by Anonymousreply 6204/15/2019

I’m the straight brother in R62 and this song keeps going through my head because I think it’s all a farce.

by Anonymousreply 6304/15/2019

I'm the 16 year old nephew that will be posted about later on Datalounge.

by Anonymousreply 6404/15/2019

I'm the 6 year old trans flower boy. I started to transition at 3. My parents are so supportive, they let me change my pronouns.

by Anonymousreply 6504/15/2019

I'm the rejected gay wedding cake topper picked out by the five-year old niece.

by Anonymousreply 6604/15/2019

I’m the cousin that yells this in the middle of the dance floor after performing a one-man Michael Jackson dance tribute..

by Anonymousreply 6704/15/2019

I'm the intense "discussion" between both grooms and the gay wedding planner the morning of the ceremony. I end in a passive aggressive huff, just like our drunken, failed threesome six months ago.

by Anonymousreply 6804/15/2019

I'm the cockrings the grooms exchanged the night before. They are now wearing them beneath their tuxedos.

by Anonymousreply 6904/15/2019

Surely you meant "Lets Be a Gay Wedding"? The replies reflect it.

by Anonymousreply 7004/15/2019

I'm the ten pounds the bride get to regain on the cruise.

by Anonymousreply 7104/15/2019

I'm the five year old son of a distant cousin who loudly announces during the ceremony "Hey! Two mens can't get married!"*

*this actually happened, it was hilarious

by Anonymousreply 7204/15/2019

I'm the Christian baker who made the wedding cake but didn't want to because it stands for everything I'm against. But I didn't want the threat of a lawsuit and the bad publicity so I made the goddamn cake and they'll never know my revenge was so sweet. So to speak.

by Anonymousreply 7304/15/2019

The wedding party dance at the reception will be a faithful re-creation of this performance.

The “tragedy” is all slutty still-single gay men who refuse to accept marriage and monogamy as the only legitimate way to live.

by Anonymousreply 7404/15/2019

I'm the bickerfest over colour swatches for the custom-made settee.

by Anonymousreply 7504/15/2019

I'm the 17 year old who will change this marriage to "open" about 19 months from now.

by Anonymousreply 7604/15/2019

We’ve chosen blush and bashful for our ceremony since pink is our signature color.

by Anonymousreply 7704/15/2019

I'm the groom who has been up since 6.30am on his wedding day to micromanage the placing and fine tuning of the decorations in the hotel function, a room which will only be used for the 20 minute duration of the ceremony.

by Anonymousreply 7804/15/2019

We are the confetti canons, fired at the grooms as they reached the head of the aisle. The confetti bombs skirted the couple but left the celebrant, plus the official paperwork to be signed, covered in a nuclear fallout coating of confetti for the duration of the ceremony.

by Anonymousreply 7904/15/2019

I'm the divorcing couple who got married in 10 states to make a point and just discovered that it's impossible to divorce in most of them without establishing residency.

by Anonymousreply 8004/16/2019

I’m Aunt Rose. I was invited because I’m family so you sort of have to.

You’ll see just the slightest hint of a snarl on my lips as I sit watching this hokum.

by Anonymousreply 8104/16/2019

I'm the date of one of the grooms' long-term ex. I thought it would be "funny" to go to to a wedding on a first date but now that said ex is introducing me to select acquaintances as a person he's "dating" I'm not laughing. I just keep smiling and looking forward to getting the hell out of here. It's the last time the ex will see me, and the last time anyone at the wedding will see either of us.

by Anonymousreply 8204/16/2019

I'm the wedding planner. I live to serve!

by Anonymousreply 8304/16/2019

I’m all the passive-aggressive behavior once sexual boredom sets in.

by Anonymousreply 8404/16/2019

I'm the thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars that should've been put in a secure investment account instead. Fucking idiots.

by Anonymousreply 8504/16/2019

I'm Baronelle, a cunt florist from Washington State refusing to sell flowers to celebrate a same sex union. Even though the grooms were supposedly my friends, Jesus said in the bible there shouldn't be gay weddings. Which is not exactly in the bible, but it's the only thing I cherry pick. It makes not a lick of sense but I'm going to hold my ground and become a martyr over it!

by Anonymousreply 8604/16/2019

I’m the song “YMCA.” You know damn well I’ll make an appearance.

by Anonymousreply 8704/16/2019

We're the approximately 347 men at the wedding who fucked either one of the grooms or both of the grooms at one time or another. At the exchanging of vows, we're all thinking back to when we fucked them.

by Anonymousreply 8804/16/2019

I'm the check mark you make next to the box "Get Gay Married" on your Presidential campaign To-Do list.

by Anonymousreply 8904/16/2019

I'm Aunt Gertrude from Connecticut. I'm all for the boys getting married. I just think they should have done the Justice of the Peace thing. All this money should have been spent on a new washer and dryer and a top of the line Electrolux vacuum. Those vacuums will last 15 years longer than this marriage.

by Anonymousreply 9004/16/2019

I'm the grooms who both secretly anticipate looking askance at their single friends in the coming months. Smug superiority will be ours at last! We are superior! We are legitimate! We are MARRIED! And you, YOU, are NOT!

by Anonymousreply 9104/16/2019

I'm the Facebook relationship status that will be updated post-haste.

by Anonymousreply 9204/16/2019

I'm one of the groom's friends from college who became a Universal Life minister in order to officiate at this event.

by Anonymousreply 9304/16/2019

I'm a Russian bot.

by Anonymousreply 9404/16/2019

I’m the cosplay marriage photo in superhero costumes that will eventually be used to entice hot 20 year olds to participate in the somewhat-open relationship olympics. Coming soon! 💦

by Anonymousreply 9504/16/2019

I'm the double-fisted bouquet toss.

by Anonymousreply 9604/16/2019

I’m the indisputable reality that men belong with men and women belong with women.

by Anonymousreply 9704/16/2019

We’re all those who suffered under the lies of heterosexual “marriage” who would have been happier in same-sex marriages.

by Anonymousreply 9804/16/2019

I'm the wedding mints!

by Anonymousreply 9904/16/2019

I'm your quite sweet relatives rolling their eyes in the parking lot as they leave the reception.

by Anonymousreply 10004/16/2019

We're the people needing R99 's mints after we throw up in the parking lot over the goddam cheesiness of this lackluster charade.

by Anonymousreply 10104/16/2019

I'm wondering why so many on this thread are unreasonably pessimistic & cynical. We should only think the very best thoughts for those who've made the commitment to marry and to love & cherish each other forever. Look at Mayor Pete and Chasten as ideals.

by Anonymousreply 10204/16/2019

I'm R102 Uninvited, sitting at home, trying to make lemonade out of all of it.

by Anonymousreply 10304/17/2019

Get the stick out, r102. It’s all in good fun.

by Anonymousreply 10404/17/2019
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