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Let’s Be a Gay Marriage!

I’m the flash mob marriage proposal video at Disneyland

by Anonymousreply 104Last Wednesday at 4:09 AM

I’m the GoFundMe request for ridiculous luxuries

by Anonymousreply 1Last Monday at 1:51 PM

I’m the skid marks in both of the grooms’ underwear’s.

by Anonymousreply 2Last Monday at 1:55 PM

I’m the uncomfortable uncle with a flask in my coat pocket.

by Anonymousreply 3Last Monday at 1:59 PM

I'm the cubefraus who want to throw you a shower and we are all DYING for an invitation.

by Anonymousreply 4Last Monday at 2:05 PM

I’m the dumb relative that asks if you are the bride or the groom

by Anonymousreply 5Last Monday at 2:12 PM

I'm the two years that most of the guests are giving it.

by Anonymousreply 6Last Monday at 2:13 PM

I'm the who gives a fuck about marriage.

by Anonymousreply 7Last Monday at 2:14 PM

I'm the mail-order minister.

by Anonymousreply 8Last Monday at 2:15 PM

We’re Dot and Pat, the lesbian couple that brought a picnic basket filled with random boxes of candy as a wedding gift.

by Anonymousreply 9Last Monday at 2:17 PM

We’re the lesbian couple getting married - one of us will be wearing a wedding dress and the other will be in a tuxedo. ALWAYS

by Anonymousreply 10Last Monday at 2:25 PM

I’m the Liza impersonator, who will be officiating the ceremony.

by Anonymousreply 11Last Monday at 2:27 PM

I'm the dog coming down the aisle with the rings.

by Anonymousreply 12Last Monday at 2:28 PM

I'm the tight grin and the crossed fingers at the blood test.

by Anonymousreply 13Last Monday at 2:32 PM

I'm the former rights you had under Obama....enjoy your second class citizenship in 2020

by Anonymousreply 14Last Monday at 2:34 PM

I'm the Best Tran!

by Anonymousreply 15Last Monday at 2:35 PM

I'm the father of the bottom. I'll be paying for the wedding.

by Anonymousreply 16Last Monday at 2:36 PM

I’m the altar pond with real swans—and a trellis-covered bridge going across it where the couple will exchange their vows 🦢 🦢

by Anonymousreply 17Last Monday at 2:37 PM

I’m the stripper from the bachelor party. I had the last three way with the couple.

by Anonymousreply 18Last Monday at 2:44 PM

I'm the all-Madonna playlist at the reception.

by Anonymousreply 19Last Monday at 2:45 PM

I'm R20, I'm busy slapping the shit out of R2.

by Anonymousreply 20Last Monday at 2:52 PM

We're the four guys from the gay chorus singing an a capella version of Savage Garden's "Truly Madly Deeply".

by Anonymousreply 21Last Monday at 2:59 PM

I'm the alimony the responsible one is going to have to pay the flighty bur cute idiot in oh, about three years. You wanted rights? Well there's a lot that goes along with that, bitches.

by Anonymousreply 22Last Monday at 3:09 PM

I'm Aunt Helga wondering how a marriage between two bottoms is going to last.

by Anonymousreply 23Last Monday at 3:09 PM

I'm the mother of the bottom, dodging the photographer.

by Anonymousreply 24Last Monday at 3:10 PM

I’m intricate wedding dance to be performed at the reception. The wedding party has been attending special classes with a professional choreographer for the last six months to make sure it’s perfect.

by Anonymousreply 25Last Monday at 3:13 PM

I'm the Chinese girl who had do all the calligraphy on the invitations by hand. I was paid 86 cents per invitation.

by Anonymousreply 26Last Monday at 3:16 PM

I’m the 80 year-old groom that came out last week who is marrying a 25 year old who just arrived from the Ukraine. Because it’s never too late for true love.

by Anonymousreply 27Last Monday at 3:17 PM

I'm the straight brother of the bottom, feeling slightly uncomfortable and making inappropriate remarks to the lesbian best friend of the bottom.

by Anonymousreply 28Last Monday at 3:18 PM

I’m the gay for pay male stripper who only wants to flirt with the women in attendance, even though most of them are lesbians.

by Anonymousreply 29Last Monday at 3:20 PM

I'm the presidential candidate

by Anonymousreply 30Last Monday at 3:22 PM

I’m the hot Brazilian escort hired to attend the wedding so the bottom’s out of town guests thinks he has hot friends.

by Anonymousreply 31Last Monday at 3:25 PM

I'm the bottom's brother and also a pit bull of a divorce lawyer. I'm wondering how much of a discount I'll have to give my brother in a couple of years.

by Anonymousreply 32Last Monday at 3:26 PM

I’m the guest that knows that the couple getting married REALLY met each other at the tubs one Saturday night at 3 am.—not on the deck of a cruise ship during a romantic sunset, like they’ve been telling everyone. 🤫

by Anonymousreply 33Last Monday at 3:35 PM

I'm the game night that turns into a full on orgy.

by Anonymousreply 34Last Monday at 3:39 PM

I’m the 30 minute long pledge of love both grooms have memorized to recite to each other before exchanging rings.

by Anonymousreply 35Last Monday at 3:40 PM

I’m the flock of swans released at the reception

by Anonymousreply 36Last Monday at 3:43 PM

I'm all the bottoms that have to make the day entirely about Donald Trump. "Glad we're getting married now. Under a President Trump in 2020 we'll be in camps."

by Anonymousreply 37Last Monday at 3:44 PM

^above. "Cubefraus". Love it.

by Anonymousreply 38Last Monday at 3:44 PM

I'm the sartorial flair of, say, bright pink socks or funky cufflinks, under a well-tailored tuxedo.

by Anonymousreply 39Last Monday at 3:47 PM

What will be the wedding song selected by the couple for their first dance at the reception? Here’s the first one up for consideration:

by Anonymousreply 40Last Monday at 3:47 PM

I'm the toast done in Arabic to show or solidarity with our Muslim brethren who are also being oppressed in this dying democracy of ours.

by Anonymousreply 41Last Monday at 3:49 PM

R41 the couple with have everyone join together in a collective tongue trill as a symbolic tribute!

by Anonymousreply 42Last Monday at 3:54 PM

I'm the Supreme Court Justice officiating at the marriage of two rapists.

by Anonymousreply 43Last Monday at 3:56 PM

I'm one of the rainbow adopted children who wonders if I'm going to be wanted when I'm no longer cute enough for photo ops and just a pain in the ass teen. Hell I'm still a toddler and don't give it more than 2 years.

by Anonymousreply 44Last Monday at 4:01 PM

I’m the lesbian couple that made a donation to the Bernie Sanders campaign in lieu of a wedding gift.

by Anonymousreply 45Last Monday at 4:04 PM

I'm the asshole who always has to be present to piss people off that refers to marriage as "marriage" when it's a straight couple, and "gay marriage" when it's two men who have been married even though it's just a "marriage" or "wedding" regardless of the sexes of the two people being married. I also weirdly say "gay wedding" even though the wedding is not a male human that is into other male humans, or "lesbian wedding" even though the wedding is not a female human into other female humans, because I'm fucking slow and can't wrap my petite little brain around the concept of how marriage and weddings work. Sometimes I am so stupid I actually say "gay married" instead of "married", because I need that much help.

by Anonymousreply 46Last Monday at 4:05 PM

I'm the anal retentive friend in charge of the gift table.

by Anonymousreply 47Last Monday at 4:09 PM

I'm the Golden Girls Box Set on the gift table.

by Anonymousreply 48Last Monday at 4:11 PM

I'm the ass of the banquet waiter one of the grooms is already checking out.

by Anonymousreply 49Last Monday at 4:17 PM

I’m the douchebros crashing the f-g wedding for the free alcohol. Hope you like mimosas and appletinis!

by Anonymousreply 50Last Monday at 4:30 PM

I’m the DLer in attendance that finds a punctuation error on the menus at the reception..

by Anonymousreply 51Last Monday at 4:47 PM

I’m the self-loathing DLer who’ll never know love.

by Anonymousreply 52Last Monday at 5:03 PM

I’m the surrogate who is already pregnant by one of the grooms via AI.

by Anonymousreply 53Last Monday at 5:09 PM

I'm the straight white friend who thinks he's being inclusive by shimmying sideways across the dancefloor like MC Hammer when the DJ plays "You Can't Touch This" at the reception.

by Anonymousreply 54Last Monday at 5:15 PM

I'm Roseanne, before I went all right-wing. Sure, have your wedding on my show. It's cool.

by Anonymousreply 55Last Monday at 5:27 PM

We're the mothers of each of the grooms, sitting in the front pews across the aisle from one another, each of us feigning to be totally accepting that our son is marrying another man, and each of us trying suppress thoughts of tonight's consummation of the marriage; oh the horror!

by Anonymousreply 56Last Monday at 5:34 PM

I’m a drunk grandfather asking a lesbian couple if they visit their homeland, the Isle of Lesbos, on a regular basis.

by Anonymousreply 57Last Monday at 5:38 PM

I’m the groom that secretly wishes he could’ve worn a bridal gown on his (her?) special day.

by Anonymousreply 58Last Monday at 5:45 PM

I'm the confused grandmother.

by Anonymousreply 59Last Monday at 5:56 PM

I'm the tired ass EVERYTHING!

by Anonymousreply 60Last Monday at 5:59 PM

I’m the wedding cake. Because subtlety is everything.

by Anonymousreply 61Last Monday at 6:03 PM

I’m the straight brothers forcing a smile and trying not to puke when the couple kisses.

by Anonymousreply 62Last Monday at 6:05 PM

I’m the straight brother in R62 and this song keeps going through my head because I think it’s all a farce.

by Anonymousreply 63Last Monday at 6:12 PM

I'm the 16 year old nephew that will be posted about later on Datalounge.

by Anonymousreply 64Last Monday at 6:18 PM

I'm the 6 year old trans flower boy. I started to transition at 3. My parents are so supportive, they let me change my pronouns.

by Anonymousreply 65Last Monday at 6:21 PM

I'm the rejected gay wedding cake topper picked out by the five-year old niece.

by Anonymousreply 66Last Monday at 6:23 PM

I’m the cousin that yells this in the middle of the dance floor after performing a one-man Michael Jackson dance tribute..

by Anonymousreply 67Last Monday at 6:36 PM

I'm the intense "discussion" between both grooms and the gay wedding planner the morning of the ceremony. I end in a passive aggressive huff, just like our drunken, failed threesome six months ago.

by Anonymousreply 68Last Monday at 6:38 PM

I'm the cockrings the grooms exchanged the night before. They are now wearing them beneath their tuxedos.

by Anonymousreply 69Last Monday at 6:39 PM

Surely you meant "Lets Be a Gay Wedding"? The replies reflect it.

by Anonymousreply 70Last Monday at 6:43 PM

I'm the ten pounds the bride get to regain on the cruise.

by Anonymousreply 71Last Monday at 6:45 PM

I'm the five year old son of a distant cousin who loudly announces during the ceremony "Hey! Two mens can't get married!"*

*this actually happened, it was hilarious

by Anonymousreply 72Last Monday at 6:48 PM

I'm the Christian baker who made the wedding cake but didn't want to because it stands for everything I'm against. But I didn't want the threat of a lawsuit and the bad publicity so I made the goddamn cake and they'll never know my revenge was so sweet. So to speak.

by Anonymousreply 73Last Monday at 6:55 PM

The wedding party dance at the reception will be a faithful re-creation of this performance.

The “tragedy” is all slutty still-single gay men who refuse to accept marriage and monogamy as the only legitimate way to live.

by Anonymousreply 74Last Monday at 10:00 PM

I'm the bickerfest over colour swatches for the custom-made settee.

by Anonymousreply 75Last Monday at 10:11 PM

I'm the 17 year old who will change this marriage to "open" about 19 months from now.

by Anonymousreply 76Last Monday at 10:12 PM

We’ve chosen blush and bashful for our ceremony since pink is our signature color.

by Anonymousreply 77Last Monday at 10:15 PM

I'm the groom who has been up since 6.30am on his wedding day to micromanage the placing and fine tuning of the decorations in the hotel function, a room which will only be used for the 20 minute duration of the ceremony.

by Anonymousreply 78Last Monday at 10:33 PM

We are the confetti canons, fired at the grooms as they reached the head of the aisle. The confetti bombs skirted the couple but left the celebrant, plus the official paperwork to be signed, covered in a nuclear fallout coating of confetti for the duration of the ceremony.

by Anonymousreply 79Last Monday at 10:42 PM

I'm the divorcing couple who got married in 10 states to make a point and just discovered that it's impossible to divorce in most of them without establishing residency.

by Anonymousreply 80Last Tuesday at 4:36 AM

I’m Aunt Rose. I was invited because I’m family so you sort of have to.

You’ll see just the slightest hint of a snarl on my lips as I sit watching this hokum.

by Anonymousreply 81Last Tuesday at 4:39 AM

I'm the date of one of the grooms' long-term ex. I thought it would be "funny" to go to to a wedding on a first date but now that said ex is introducing me to select acquaintances as a person he's "dating" I'm not laughing. I just keep smiling and looking forward to getting the hell out of here. It's the last time the ex will see me, and the last time anyone at the wedding will see either of us.

by Anonymousreply 82Last Tuesday at 4:59 AM

I'm the wedding planner. I live to serve!

by Anonymousreply 83Last Tuesday at 5:04 AM

I’m all the passive-aggressive behavior once sexual boredom sets in.

by Anonymousreply 84Last Tuesday at 9:06 AM

I'm the thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars that should've been put in a secure investment account instead. Fucking idiots.

by Anonymousreply 85Last Tuesday at 9:13 AM

I'm Baronelle, a cunt florist from Washington State refusing to sell flowers to celebrate a same sex union. Even though the grooms were supposedly my friends, Jesus said in the bible there shouldn't be gay weddings. Which is not exactly in the bible, but it's the only thing I cherry pick. It makes not a lick of sense but I'm going to hold my ground and become a martyr over it!

by Anonymousreply 86Last Tuesday at 10:01 AM

I’m the song “YMCA.” You know damn well I’ll make an appearance.

by Anonymousreply 87Last Tuesday at 10:37 AM

We're the approximately 347 men at the wedding who fucked either one of the grooms or both of the grooms at one time or another. At the exchanging of vows, we're all thinking back to when we fucked them.

by Anonymousreply 88Last Tuesday at 10:46 AM

I'm the check mark you make next to the box "Get Gay Married" on your Presidential campaign To-Do list.

by Anonymousreply 89Last Tuesday at 11:17 AM

I'm Aunt Gertrude from Connecticut. I'm all for the boys getting married. I just think they should have done the Justice of the Peace thing. All this money should have been spent on a new washer and dryer and a top of the line Electrolux vacuum. Those vacuums will last 15 years longer than this marriage.

by Anonymousreply 90Last Tuesday at 2:49 PM

I'm the grooms who both secretly anticipate looking askance at their single friends in the coming months. Smug superiority will be ours at last! We are superior! We are legitimate! We are MARRIED! And you, YOU, are NOT!

by Anonymousreply 91Last Tuesday at 3:12 PM

I'm the Facebook relationship status that will be updated post-haste.

by Anonymousreply 92Last Tuesday at 3:26 PM

I'm one of the groom's friends from college who became a Universal Life minister in order to officiate at this event.

by Anonymousreply 93Last Tuesday at 3:28 PM

I'm a Russian bot.

by Anonymousreply 94Last Tuesday at 3:32 PM

I’m the cosplay marriage photo in superhero costumes that will eventually be used to entice hot 20 year olds to participate in the somewhat-open relationship olympics. Coming soon! 💦

by Anonymousreply 95Last Tuesday at 3:43 PM

I'm the double-fisted bouquet toss.

by Anonymousreply 96Last Tuesday at 5:22 PM

I’m the indisputable reality that men belong with men and women belong with women.

by Anonymousreply 97Last Tuesday at 5:24 PM

We’re all those who suffered under the lies of heterosexual “marriage” who would have been happier in same-sex marriages.

by Anonymousreply 98Last Tuesday at 5:25 PM

I'm the wedding mints!

by Anonymousreply 99Last Tuesday at 5:42 PM

I'm your quite sweet relatives rolling their eyes in the parking lot as they leave the reception.

by Anonymousreply 100Last Tuesday at 10:24 PM

We're the people needing R99 's mints after we throw up in the parking lot over the goddam cheesiness of this lackluster charade.

by Anonymousreply 101Last Tuesday at 10:51 PM

I'm wondering why so many on this thread are unreasonably pessimistic & cynical. We should only think the very best thoughts for those who've made the commitment to marry and to love & cherish each other forever. Look at Mayor Pete and Chasten as ideals.

by Anonymousreply 102Last Tuesday at 11:02 PM

I'm R102 Uninvited, sitting at home, trying to make lemonade out of all of it.

by Anonymousreply 103Last Wednesday at 2:22 AM

Get the stick out, r102. It’s all in good fun.

by Anonymousreply 104Last Wednesday at 4:09 AM
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