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Do you have advice for a young gay guy?

What would you tell an 18 year old man? Be honest please!

by Anonymousreply 77Last Monday at 5:53 AM

Go for older guys. Short older guys. The best lovers.

by Anonymousreply 1Last Saturday at 9:25 PM

What if I'm short? Should I still go for a short guy, R1?

by Anonymousreply 2Last Saturday at 9:30 PM

Don't.

by Anonymousreply 3Last Saturday at 9:40 PM

It doesn't get better for everyone.

The best decade of your life is going to be your 30s.

Don't let yourself be exploited.

Don't succumb to drugs & drink & sex. Moderation in all things.

Never vote for Republicans. Ever.

by Anonymousreply 4Last Saturday at 9:40 PM

Get on PrEP and ride every raw dick that comes your way

by Anonymousreply 5Last Saturday at 9:45 PM

Is it hard to meet people? I've never had a real relationship.

by Anonymousreply 6Last Saturday at 9:49 PM

Don't give your heart away. Make someone earn it.

Be careful who you trust.

Nobody is perfect. Not even you.

Travel when you can. Explore. Don't be afraid to try new things.

Take care of yourself. Mentally and physically. There's a long life ahead of you.

by Anonymousreply 7Last Saturday at 9:50 PM

Learn how to like yourself and your own company. You'll have to at some stage in life if you live long enough; the earlier, the better.

Genuinely work at being a better (and kinder) human being.

Stay out of the sun and use a good sunblocker.

You will never be liked by everyone, so do not let it bother you.

by Anonymousreply 8Last Saturday at 9:50 PM

Don't go into dead if you can avoid it.

If you get into debt, get out of it as fast as you can.

NEVER just play the minimum amount due on a debt.... if you do, you'll be in debt forever.

Every time you can, put a little money away. In a savings account. When you get enough, buy a Certificate of Deposit or something to get more interest. If you get a job that offers a 401K, make sure you make contributions, especially if they're employer-matched. Save for your future. Save for a rainy day. Save for an emergency. And when you want something expensive... save up for it and buy it when you have the money.

You'll thank yourself if you follow these rules.

by Anonymousreply 9Last Saturday at 9:54 PM

Wrap it up and know that R5 wants only the worst for you.

by Anonymousreply 10Last Saturday at 9:55 PM

[quote]Is it hard to meet people?

God, no. Just don't sell yourself short... no offence.

by Anonymousreply 11Last Saturday at 9:56 PM

Choose your friends and lovers carefully. Don't put up with toxic friends, complainers, and downers.

Stay away from losers and users. Stick with people who are good listeners, caring, trustworthy, reliable, supportive, smart, and funny.

Learn from friends who have goals and ambitions, they will inspire you, lift you up, and you will learn from them.

by Anonymousreply 12Last Saturday at 9:57 PM

It isn't hard to meet people. When attract or interest you, ask questions and listen to their answers. Get involved with activities, cooking, sports, or other things that interest you. You will meet people through mutual interests.

by Anonymousreply 13Last Saturday at 9:58 PM

Oh very young, what will you leave us this time You're only dancin' on this earth for a short while And though your dreams may toss and turn you now They will vanish away like your dads best jeans Denim blue, faded up to the sky And though you want them to last forever You know they never will (You know they never will) And the patches make the goodbye harder still Oh very young what will you leave us this time There'll never be a better chance to change your mind And if you want this world to see a better day Will you carry the words of love with you Will you ride the great white bird into heaven And though you want to last forever You know you never will (You know you never will) And the goodbye makes the journey harder still Will you carry the words of love with you Will you ride, oh, oooh Oh very young, what will you leave us this time You're only dancin' on this earth for a short while Oh very young, what will you leave us this time.....

by Anonymousreply 14Last Saturday at 9:58 PM

Always use condoms. Don't pin you're hopes on finding love, it probably won't happen. Get yourself a good group of solid friends you can trust and cultivate strong connections that will last. Save money where you can.

by Anonymousreply 15Last Saturday at 9:59 PM

It's not time to make a change, Just relax, take it easy You're still young, that's your fault, There's so much you have to know Find a girl, settle down, If you want you can marry Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy I was once like you are now, and I know that it's not easy, To be calm when you've found something going on But take your time, think a lot, Why, think of everything you've got For you will still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not How can I try to explain, when I do he turns away again It's always been the same, same old story From the moment I could talk I was ordered to listen Now there's a way and I know that I have to go away I know I have to go It's not time to make a change, Just sit down, take it slowly You're still young, that's your fault, There's so much you have to go through Find a girl, settle down, If you want you can marry Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy All the times that I cried, keeping all the things I knew inside, It's hard, but it's harder to ignore it If they were right, I'd agree, but it's them you know not me Now there's a way and I know that I have to go away I know I have to go

by Anonymousreply 16Last Saturday at 10:00 PM

The portrayal of gay men in popular media is not a template. Live as you like.

Friends are more important than lovers.

Have fun but don't get any serious diseases or addictions in your late teens or twenties. Your thirties will indeed be your best decade.

by Anonymousreply 17Last Saturday at 10:01 PM

Make sure you have some good straight friends. They will be there for you when flaky gay men let you down. Don't expect a relation ship, they are hard to come by in the gay world.

by Anonymousreply 18Last Saturday at 10:02 PM

Moisturize. Save your money. Participate in your employee's 401K plan. Buy a house/condo. Save as much money as you can. Travel when you can.

by Anonymousreply 19Last Saturday at 10:04 PM

Do as much as you can by the time you are 40 because by then it will be all over for you.

by Anonymousreply 20Last Saturday at 10:05 PM

Learn how to flirt and cruise in person without Grindr. You'll meet more interesting people and have better sex.

The music in gay bars is generally crap. Develop your musical tastes beyond that.

If your hair starts thinning, start Rogaine immediately. Like yesterday.

by Anonymousreply 21Last Saturday at 10:07 PM

Be thrifty with your money, especially once you make some money. ALWAYS shop for the bargain, NEVER pay full price. You can still be sexy and stylish without paying top dollar for everything.

by Anonymousreply 22Last Saturday at 10:07 PM

Don't think that you're missing out on everything, that everyone is having more fun, more excitement, more dates, more SEX than you are. Be yourself, and trust your instincts. R 7, 8, 9,12, 13 , 15, 17 and 19 are words to live by, as well.

by Anonymousreply 23Last Saturday at 10:09 PM

This thread is making me sad about my own life. I wish I could start again. I'm 41 and out of hope. Being gay sucks

by Anonymousreply 24Last Saturday at 10:13 PM

Ffs you're a baby still.

by Anonymousreply 25Last Saturday at 10:14 PM

Pride goeth before a fall.

Many hands make light work.

I'm OK, you're OK.

You're your own best friend.

Your mother, yourself.

You are woman, hear you roar.

Flush.

by Anonymousreply 26Last Saturday at 10:55 PM

This is advice for anyone, gay or straight - make your life and your future your priority. School, career, establishing solid friendships with stable people. Don't alienate your family if possible. Don't get caught up in hedonism, drugs, casual sex, romantic drama. Stay safe, don't count on Prep. Wear sunscreen, don't neglect your teeth. Don't let yourself get fat. Don't smoke. You're welcome!

by Anonymousreply 27Last Saturday at 11:06 PM

R27 i want to marry you

by Anonymousreply 28Last Saturday at 11:09 PM

Practice safer sex. DO NOT bareback. There are a lot of diseases out there - protect yourself from them. Have lots of fun and sex (it isn't the same when your old) but please play it safe.

by Anonymousreply 29Last Saturday at 11:15 PM

THERE ARE reports that US SPF products are not nearly as effective as European ones, OP.

by Anonymousreply 30Last Saturday at 11:19 PM

Plastics!

by Anonymousreply 31Last Saturday at 11:21 PM

At your age, make it pay. Your bod that is.

by Anonymousreply 32Last Saturday at 11:27 PM

Stay off of DL and try not to a shallow douche.

by Anonymousreply 33Last Saturday at 11:36 PM

R32 Actually that's so true. When I was young, well paid and employed in respectable employment but terribly oversexed I actually went to a gay brothel for an interview for a position just to see what would happen. The guy that interviewed me was very hot and naturally needed to check out the 'mechanise' I was 'offering'. Anyway, he fucked the hell out of me. After he finished he asked he I wanted to start straight away - I said no that I would prefer the day after, but I never turned up of course - I would have gotten into a lot of trouble if my employer had found out I was hustling on the side. I'd loved to relive that experience over and over again. So if you've got it - make money from it while you can.

by Anonymousreply 34Last Saturday at 11:37 PM

OP I was going to tell you how lucky you are to be turning 18 in a world where being a gay male is no big deal. I mentioned here last week how stunned I was when Obama mentioned Stonewall in his 2008 Inaugural address, and how the thought of there being a gay person in my high school the year I graduated was taboo. There were no out students at my high school in 1988. But now they have gay-straight alliance. We've made remarkable strides. Don't ever forget those who came before you, and didn't have it as easy.

Then, I remembered that you may well be in a part of the country where it's still difficult. And with the trans issue, and that moron in the White House, who knows how it's gonna be. So I will also paraphrase Game of Thrones. "Wear your gayness as if it were armor. That way, no one can ever harm you with it." REMEMBER- if anyone out there has a problem with you being gay, it is THEIR problem to deal with, NOT yours, ok?

I would also warn you- cameras are way too ubiquitous. Do not do anything on camera that you wouldn't mind your mother or a future employer seeing.

Also, if you're a bottom or submissive or whatever- be careful about how much you let other guys "use" you. Particularly older guys. Any kind of mutually consensual sex is great, but don't ever allow it to veer over into things you're uncomfortable with.

In life, generally, just be open. Don't dig in on positions- if you hear new information that might change your mind about things, be open to hearing it. Be intellectually honest. Think for yourself.

For me, at 18, my sense of empathy for others was still way underdeveloped. I got it at about 30. Try to think about what other people have been though, or are going though when you're dealing with them. We all struggle, and we're all in this together.

And, basically, don't do anything to people that you wouldn't want done to you. If you follow that, you can go thought life with a clear conscious. And that is worth a lot.

Good luck, OP- enjoy yourself. Drink, read, fuck, laugh, cry. Life is a symphony- what a shame it would be to listen to only one note.

by Anonymousreply 35Last Sunday at 12:41 AM

Start saving. Invest. Getting into cryptocurrency is the hot thing right now.

Get your education out of the way, start building a career for yourself. Expect to peak in your 30s, that will be the time to find a partner to settle down and build a life with. But if you want to win the guy of your dreams, you need to be the guy of their dreams.

Be someone that you would want to date and be in a relationship with.

Be sure to go to the gym and lift weights regularly. You need to keep up a good body to get the best options dating wise.

Too many gay men are emotionally unstable. Keep yourself disciplined by having a routine. Avoid having many sex partners because that does not establish a good foundation for finding a lasting long term relationship. Hook up in moderation. You have the power to hurt others and be hurt yourself. Think of sex like a diet. Excess calories are not healthy, not enough calories leads to malnourishment.

by Anonymousreply 36Last Sunday at 12:51 AM

I disagree about peaking in the 30s, OP. Every decade gets a little bit better: more perspective, mow wisdom, more knowledge, nore experiences.

by Anonymousreply 37Last Sunday at 1:01 AM

R37, I’m talking about looks, and that’s pretty generous to say since I live in Seattle and most gay guys here look like crap in their 30s and really aren’t worth a shit to bother getting to know. If your 40 and single, unless you’re exceptionally good looking and have money, your dating life is basically fucked.

by Anonymousreply 38Last Sunday at 1:06 AM

Ok, point taken, r38.

by Anonymousreply 39Last Sunday at 1:07 AM

[quote]What if I'm short?

You’re screwed.

by Anonymousreply 40Last Sunday at 1:09 AM

Don't date people over 30, there's a reason they're still single at that OP. It's a waste of time.

Don't touch the scene, it's full of malcontents seeking validation through sex and drugs

Ignore PrEP idiots. It's a matter of time before a resistant HIV strain mutates and you don't want to be patient zero. Always use condoms.

There are no such things as tops and bottoms, so don't get into that mind set. Most young guys these days are versatile because we're not hung up on sex. The whole/top bottom thing comes from power dynamics and shame from when being gay was illegal (i.e. you just know the more muscular a guy is, the more likely he's a total bottom - they're self loathing and so build muscles to prove that they're "still a man").

by Anonymousreply 41Last Sunday at 1:16 AM

Use PrEP. Ditch the condom. Life is a banquet.

by Anonymousreply 42Last Sunday at 1:21 AM

Ditch PrEP. Use a condom. Life is a cesspool.

by Anonymousreply 43Last Sunday at 1:23 AM

If life gets too much there's always Nembutal.

by Anonymousreply 44Last Sunday at 1:33 AM

Beauty is only skin deep.

by Anonymousreply 45Last Sunday at 1:46 AM

Yes, do invest in cryptocurrency--if you want to go broke.

by Anonymousreply 46Last Sunday at 1:57 AM

Never drain your pasta.

by Anonymousreply 47Last Sunday at 2:05 AM

1. Get as much education as you can without going into massive debt. And as one of my professors once said to me in college: "Don't let classes ever get in the way of your education."

2. Related to #1. Travel as much as you can while you're young. Even better, live and work overseas for a while if possible. Learn as much as you can about other cultures, including languages not native to your own. Anything you can do to gain greater perspective about the world will serve you will, and will enrich your life.

3. If you have a passion, go for it. No matter what it is. You may end up doing something completely different, but the paths you will take, and the people you meet, will be worth it. Now is not the time to be fearful. Also, it's people with passion who change the world.

4. Love yourself. You have worth. Right now. Don't let others use you: sexually, emotionally, financially. And stay away from or at least be cautious about drugs. That party rarely ends well.

5. Make and keep friends, gay and straight. When things get rough, and they will, cause no one is exempt, these are the people you will lean on. And if you've fostered strong friendships, they will be there when you need them to be. Also, know that all relationships are in a constant state of flux, that things are ever-changing and never static. So nurture those relationships that have meaning to you. Also, studies have shown that most best friends have met by the age of 25, so use this time wisely.

6. Read. No one ever read too much.

7. Know that your life as a gay man will not be over when you hit 40. (I got married after that august age, by the way, because I never saw a reason to be with someone JUST to be with someone. Settling like that will lead to a lot of tears and angst later on.)

8. Start saving now, even if it's just a little bit. It will be brutally hard at times, and often impossible, but whatever you save now will be very gratifying when you're older.

9. Actions speak louder than words. For you, for everyone.

10. Brush your teeth at least twice a day. And floss. Your teeth will thank you later.

11. Be careful what you do on camera and/or on social media. George Orwell was more right than we could have ever predicted.

12. HAVE FUN. Life is shorter than it seems right now. So worry less and enjoy it.

by Anonymousreply 48Last Sunday at 2:06 AM

Some great advice amongst the responses here OP - some very silly stuff too - sure you’ll be able to separate the wheat from the chaff :)

My only bit of wisdom to offer is this:

There is no point trying to have a rational argument with someone who is inherently irrational. It’s pointless - you can’t win. Just walk away.

Also - get a copy of Jon Ronsom’s Psychopath Test - read it and take note! If I’d read it when I was young - it woulda saved me a lot of time and energy and hurt.

by Anonymousreply 49Last Sunday at 2:39 AM

Good advice here. However, for more type in to Google: datalounge advice and you will have even more.

Good luck kid.

by Anonymousreply 50Last Sunday at 2:39 AM

Thank you everbody!!!😁😁😁

by Anonymousreply 51Last Sunday at 5:13 AM

Every single thing you do, needs to be for you. I don't mean that in the selfish way, I mean don't give up any dream at all for a guy. You've always dreamt of living abroad? Live abroad. Don't hold back a single thing for someone else. You will regret it.

by Anonymousreply 52Last Sunday at 5:21 AM

"What would you tell an 18 year old man?"

RUN!!! Get out NOW while you still can!!!!

It's not too late to escape the eternal misery that is being a male homosexual!!!!!

by Anonymousreply 53Last Sunday at 5:29 AM

[QUOTE]Don't date people over 30, there's a reason they're still single at that OP. It's a waste of time.

This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.

by Anonymousreply 54Last Sunday at 5:45 AM

Party hard and fuck so you don't make it to 30.

by Anonymousreply 55Last Sunday at 5:48 AM

R54 Why? It's true, singletons > 30 are usually single for good reason. As much as they may proclaim they want a relationship, they have some form of damage and hence why they aren't already in one

by Anonymousreply 56Last Sunday at 6:40 AM

Unless they’re married, how do you propose that someone over 30 stays in a relationship in perpetuity, R56? You’re never allowed to break up and find a new relationship?

by Anonymousreply 57Last Sunday at 6:55 AM

You "open" up the relationship.

by Anonymousreply 58Last Sunday at 7:05 AM

Tip your server 20%. If you can't afford it, you can't afford to eat out.

Return your shopping cart. Don't just leave it.

Don't park like an asshole. Stay between the lines.

Hold the door for the person behind you.

Always use the trash can. Pick up a piece of trash and throw it away.

When driving, let people into your lane. Don't cut people off. Don't be an asshole.

Get yourself vaccinated, and keep current on your booster shots when necessary.

Be considerate of others. Always.

by Anonymousreply 59Last Sunday at 7:14 AM

R57 OP is 18. By all means, those > 30 should be dating those >30 . I'm just saying, don't touch them if you're not in the category.

by Anonymousreply 60Last Sunday at 7:15 AM

Take care of your teeth. Nobody cares now but in ten years they become as potent a class marker as exists.

by Anonymousreply 61Last Sunday at 7:20 AM

r36 and r59 are the type of people I would stay far away from.

by Anonymousreply 62Last Sunday at 8:08 AM

Stay away from Cryptocurrency. It's all a huge scam.

Stay away from Libertarians & Libertarianism. It's objectively terrible, and such people are objectively terrible.

Stay away from people like R62.

by Anonymousreply 63Last Sunday at 8:23 AM

Agreed, R62. “Invest and save”—for what? The civilized world probably won’t even exist by the time a young gay guy gets old. Spend that fucking money now and enjoy it.

by Anonymousreply 64Last Sunday at 8:23 AM

Kill yourself now. Leave the world with a good looking corpse.

by Anonymousreply 65Last Sunday at 8:25 AM

Do not take advice from the DL!

by Anonymousreply 66Last Sunday at 8:37 AM

My advice for any 18 year old is

You think you are an adult and are capable of making good decisions, three years from now you will realize how completely wrong you were.

by Anonymousreply 67Last Sunday at 8:38 AM

Verificatia of sizemeat will always help things go better for you.

by Anonymousreply 68Last Sunday at 8:40 AM

Finish school--vocational, technical, liberal arts, whatever. Get out of the above debt as quickly as possible. Meet potential boyfriends through living your life, not through apps. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that your boyfriends/partners are there to make others jealous because he's good-looking, rich, etc. Make others admire you because you are in a mature relationship based on love and respect. Seek stability in employment but always act in your best interests. Travel and learn languages (to any degree). Enjoy your youth!

by Anonymousreply 69Last Sunday at 9:01 AM

These threads where someone pretending to be very young asks for the sage wisdom of the datalounge elders are always so cringey. It's like some hacky portrayal of a therapy session on TV where the patient is told to speak to their inner child.

by Anonymousreply 70Last Sunday at 9:16 AM

Look after your skin.

Don't smoke.

Drink and drugs in moderation.

Don't hang around with toxic people.

Use PREP, but remember to use it with a condom.

Ensure your social circle isn't exclusively straight - they disappear in their 30s.

Make sure you've found a top by your early 30s at the latest - be prepared to date up to 10 years older if necessary.

by Anonymousreply 71Last Sunday at 9:31 AM

Drugs in moderation!? Lmao! Like heroin?

by Anonymousreply 72Last Sunday at 3:30 PM

One thing I learned the hard way. Know what YOU want out of life, not what others tell you what you should do. Really give a lot of thought to your own interests and goals, the things that will really be worthwhile and satisfying to you.

I had a bossy, domineering mother and sister who influenced some important choices I made. I wish I could go back and tell them to shut up. I should have developed more confidence in my own choices and abilities and not allowed myself to be dominated by people who thought they knew everything but did not.

by Anonymousreply 73Last Sunday at 7:21 PM

R35, wonderful reply, definitely words to live by.

by Anonymousreply 74Last Sunday at 7:24 PM

Stay in shape, use sunscreen, get on retin a, no alcohol, no smoking, start contributing to a 401K and never cash it out early.

by Anonymousreply 75Last Sunday at 7:34 PM

Obey the rules.

Never question authority.

Report scofflaws.

by Anonymousreply 76Last Sunday at 8:29 PM

Take 2 in your ass. Stretch out your o-ring.

by Anonymousreply 77Last Monday at 5:53 AM
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