I am a Frau.

Would you eat Chrissy Metz out?

Do you enjoy anal sex? Do you swallow?

1) not if you paid me, 2) never tried it, 3) no.

What brand of tampons do you use?

Are you obsessed with Rami Malek?

Which male celebrities do you want to have sex with?

Prove you’re a frau

Are you cradling a mug?

R4 I don't, because my aunt nearly died of toxic shock, and because they are bleached, and I don't want bleach in my bloodstream; I wear pads. R5 No. Good actor, but too weird looking. R6 Idris Elba, Benedict Cumberbatch, Nikolai Coster-Waldau, Jason Momoa, Armie Hammer, Chris Evans, and I wouldn't say no to Jude Law lately. R7 I'm a white GenXer - apparently that's the main criteria. R8 only next to a roaring fire in wintertime. With a little whiskey added to my hot chocolate. While wearing my grey cardigan. With my hair in a bun, of course.

Your sexual tastes align closely with DL’s general consensus, minus Cumberbitch.

It's the voice, R10. I'd pay good money to have that man say the filthiest things imaginable to me.

How's your fibromyalgia today?

What turned you into a Frau? Do you drive an SUV and cut people off?

What current food sensitivities are you pretending to have?

LOL, R12. The only woman I know who has fibromyalgia is 65 years old. I am on the rag, though. First day, so I'm tired and crampy. R13, I admit to being a poor example of a frau. No kids, no ball and chain, still fit into a size S, and I think the Real Housewives are about as appealing as cancer. R14 I'm lactose intolerant, but that's about it. I don't do fad diets or "cleanses" - there are doctors and nurses in my family so I was taught that it's all bullshit. I have a sweet tooth (runs in the family), which I try to keep under control. I love dark chocolate, is that frau-ish?

In Soviet Russia, does mug cradle YOU?

Do you think Shawn Mendes, Harry Styles, Richard Madden and Sam Heughan are GAY AND BEARDING?

Why does your pussy stink?

When was the last time you looked down while in the shower and were able to see your pussy?

R13, I've never owned an SUV. I drive a 20 year old Honda Accord. No car payments means I have more money to do my favorite thing, which is travel. I have friends in France, Denmark, England, Ireland, Canada, Ecuador and Nigeria. R17, I think Shawn is gay and Harry is bi. I love big strapping gingers, so it pains me to think that Sam Heughan is gay. Wasn't Richard Madden dating a really young girl a minute ago? I don't know about him, except that he's hot. R18 It doesn't. I wash with soap and water twice a day, drink lots of water and eat fresh fruits and veggies. No complaints so far; I invite you to take a whiff anytime. R19, this morning. I can only see the hair when I'm standing up straight though. Can't see the lips unless I bend a bit. I've got a neat package.

R15 so you’re not a frau. You’re just a sanctimonious dried up cunt looking for attention.

Juicy, not dried up.

'I think Shawn is gay and Harry is bi. I love big strapping gingers, so it pains me to think that Sam Heughan is gay.'

Yasss queen, a true frau. Harry may be bi but Shawn is straight and so is fugtastic Sam.

What scary teen trend upsets you the most?

'I can only see the hair when I'm standing up straight though. '

Very 1970s!

All those places where you have 'friends' (i.e. Facebook followers) are grim and cold or third world nightmares. You should be heading off to Italy, the Maldives or Bora Bora.

The fact that so many of them aren't even attempting to learn any skills - they all want to be "content creators."

How often do you read People Magazine? Do you buy every issue or only the ones with George Clooney or some Actress's Newborn Spawn on the cover?

What's your favorite HGTV program?

R25, the straight guys appreciate a fuller bush lately! I keep mine trimmed short, though. Italy is next on my list! I've heard great things about Bora Bora and the Maldives. I love tropical locales but I'm very pale and burn easily.

R28, I don't really watch reality TV - I'm more of an HBO/FX person. But when my dad was in hospital last year, he liked to watch that Fixer Upper show, Deadliest Catch, Swamp People and Forged in Fire. The only one I really enjoyed (as a former LOTR nerd and current GOT fan) is Forged in Fire.

FF - take your attention whoring to Facebook.

Frau do you hold up a line at the cash register by digging through your filthy purse for 2 cents?

Have you ever been with a black guy?

What will you do when Meghan Markle pops a baby out of her vagina on live tv? Will you drop dead? If not, how can I arrange for you and your ilk to drop dead?

Is Live Love Laugh your motto?

How many Cirque du Soleil shows have you seen?

R32, I rarely carry cash. R33, no. R34, I didn't watch the wedding, don't get what the big deal is with her, and I guess I hope they have a healthy baby like everyone else. As for your second question, you first. R35, I hate everything that is beige and has handwriting style sentiments on it. I do have one framed needlepoint that says HOME that my mother made when I was a child. She died young, so I can't get rid of it. It's a piece of her. R36, My dad lives in Nevada and LOVES Cirque shows. I've seen Le Reve and Ka with him. His favorite is O, which he's seen a couple of times with friends and visiting relatives. Nevada natives get tickets at half price.

Do you make casseroles and say yummers a lot?

No and no, R38. Who does that? Rachel Ray? Nobody I know does that.

How now, brown frau?

I'm a white frau, but I guess that doesn't have the same ring to it.

Hello, how are you?

How's little Madysyn doing?

Who is your style icon, Marilyn Monroe or Audrey Hepburn? These are the only two golden age Hollywood actresses that fraus seem to know or care about.

What's the name of your favorite over priced cupcake shop?

How's your Lupus? How's your Fibromyalgia? And the Chronic Fatigue Syndrome? Do you home-school your kids?

How many times this week have you asked to speak to someone's manager?

Are you a guy frau or a gal frau?

r43, r46, r48 Try reading the thread before posting.

Well smell you.

Do you bring your bratty, screaming "special" children to restaurants and inflict them on other patrons?

R44, I like Scarlett Johansson's style. We have a similar body type. I have cosplayed Black Widow at a theme park during the opening weekend of a Marvel film. R45, definitely Sprinkles or Magnolia. R47 I do not hassle managers! I worked hourly wage jobs before getting my degrees. I have way too much sympathy for anyone in customer service. Being a pleasant customer is always the best way to get what you need. Besides, I think you have to have Kate Gosselin's old haircut in order to be able to screech at managers effectively. It's like an unofficial rule or something. I have long hair.

I have no kids, folks. Reading is fundamental.

Do you bump people with your shopping cart but never even think of saying “Excuse me.”?

No. Of course not. I bump people and then tell them to go fuck themselves.

In general, what kind of dick do you get? Are you often disappointed when they pull it out?

R54 I don't bother with shopping carts. I show up with my reusable canvas bags and fill those up. I walk to and from my grocery store, so I shop for fresh produce several times a week instead of buying in bulk like a mom (as I am not one). I'm only feeding myself and the occasional houseguest; no need for tons of food. I'm petite, so if someone's getting bumped, it's probably me. I can squeeze through small spaces quickly though, so there's that. If I ever bump someone, I certainly say "excuse me."

R56, I have never been disappointed by the dick itself, but by the man attached to it. Never seen a micropenis, but I wouldn't care if he was an expert with his tongue and fingers. I've been very surprised by a 5'6", stocky man with one of the largest penises I've seen, but he didn't know what foreplay is. That's always disappointing. I've attracted all kinds of men but tend to be drawn to the smarter, more average looking guys. Really hot guys tend to act like God's gift, which I have no patience for. I did hook up with one scorchingly hot guy who was wonderful; I was not surprised to find out that he'd been a chubby, bullied kid.

"I can squeeze through small spaces quickly..."

Tinkerbell!

I’m sorry. No individual woman can truly be a Frau. Frauen are an abstraction.

Do you wear embroidered denim smock dresses?

Do you bedazzle your sweatshirts?

How many aprons do you own?

Under the Tuscan Sun or Must Love Dogs?

R58 Hiya, Pete! What I meant was that I can work my way through a crowded grocery store without bumping anyone, really. My previous answer was not well written. R59 I am an abstraction. I am THE abstraction. R60 1) Barf, no. 2) I only own one sweatshirt, and it is not bedazzled. I wear it while exercising outside in cold months. 3) One. It belonged to my mother and has her name on it. I never wear it, but I keep it in a drawer in my kitchen. R62 Under the Tuscan Sun. Come on, it's Tuscany!!

OP, are you collecting these pearls for a humour book?

[quotw] You’re just a sanctimonious dried up cunt looking for attention

IOW, one of us! Gabba Gabba hey, we accept you

Do you think Kit Harington is cute?

Do you think Chris Pratt is revolting?

No, R64. I occasionally come to the DL because I enjoy the bitchy humor. I rarely post. I was not having a great day, was working late...needed some laughs. Thought this thread would sink immediately, but I'm glad that some of you engaged, as I'm laughing quite a bit. Hopefully you guys are too. R66 1) Yes, WITH THE BEARD, and 2) sadly, yes.

Do you have vocal fry?

Question for OP:

of the posters who reply to you, either with or without pointless bitchery, give rough estimates of both how many you suspect to be fellow women, and its subset of frauen.

Also, OP, have you spent enough time here to be convinced that the gays who've grown up with unconditional love and support from their mothers and sisters are on a different board? Are you empathizing with lesbians on DL and finding you have more in common with them?

Do you think Biden is a disgusting letch or a product of another time, thus innocuous? I have two liberal lady friends of a certain age who both think he should be given some slack.

[quote] I'm petite

All-around petite, as in your waist measurement is 45% or less than your height, or petite as in under 64 inches in height?

Did any DL regular describe a 'Frau" with ranges for intelligence, height, daily carbohydrate intake, energy level, or do you have a preference for earth tones and stitch craft or other demographic markers that made you self-label yourself as a Frau?

Did you ever host a Tupperware or Pampered Chef party?

R68, I do not. I hate vocal fry. Cannot listen to the Kardashians; they make my ears bleed. R69, from the replies, I think it's been all men, so far. R69, I don't know any gay men whose families have been accepting from jump. I wish that was not the case. I have little in common with lesbians besides my biological sex. I know a couple, but we see each other rarely. They tend to be very insular. Not so with gay men, who tend to enjoy a more diverse circle of friends (at least, the ones I know). R71, I like Uncle Joe. I do think he is not a man with malicious intent. He was a dick during the Anita Hill hearings, but he's grown and changed since then. He was responsible for the passing of the Violence Against Women Act in 1994, and he spearheaded the Obama administration's efforts to reduce sexual assault on college campuses. I think his apology was sincere, and I think he's always been "that guy" who means no harm but whose privilege has left him with a few blind spots. I don't think he should run for President, but that has more to do with the fact that the Dems have the most diverse group of candidates in history. Why would I want to vote for another old white guy?

Nosy Parker here. Do you think Elizabeth Warren is wonderful (though probably not electable)?

R72, I am 5'3 1/2", size 4. C cup. I've always been active and I'm not an emotional eater - when I'm stressed I eat less, not more. I guess I lose frau points for that. I read that fraus are GenXers; so am I. I do own mugs and I love comforters! I look great in earth tones, as I'm a ginger. I didn't realize that earth tones were a qualification. I prefer jewel tones. They brighten my complexion. My "tupperware" is mostly plastic Chinese food containers that I've run through the dishwasher. Great for packing work lunches. I do have a couple of those lock and seal boxes, which are fantastic, but I've never hosted, or been to, a party. I don't know what Pampered Chef is - I cook simple things and I'm not much of a foodie. I have a friend in the suburbs (complete with husband and baby) who has a binder stuffed with old Gourmet Magazine spreads. I bet she knows what that is. She's probably the one you should be talking to. Her fraudom is superior to mine.

Not all female GenXers are frauen though. From what I gather, Fraudom is a state of mind, a sub-sub-lifestyle category, not something a fairy godmother bibbledy-bobbledy-boo endows you with; "here are your chin hairs and bifocals, your sequined sweater and plus-sized jeans and your 'Hang in there!' poster to put in your cubicle. Frau it up!"

R74 Warren IS wonderful, and from a finance standpoint, the most qualified candidate that the Dems have. I'm not taking bets yet on who will be The Chosen. Much will depend on the debates. R76 is that so? What you're describing sounds more like retired, overweight women with no style. Makes me think of a secretary in an 80s comedy. Turtle frames all the way down the nose, with a judgmental glare.

Do you have a perm?

What is it that makes you think you qualify to be a frau?

1) I do not, 2) please read the thread.

I am a frau.

Ask me anything.

I am an abstraction.

I can squeeze through small spaces quickly.

I own only one sweatshirt, and it is not bedazzled.

I have little in common with lesbians beside my biological sex.

Why would I want to vote for another old white guy?

I do not hassle managers!

I am THE abstraction!

I love it, R80. Let's bedazzle it onto a sweatshirt!

Why are you gay?

R78, what is it that makes you think YOU qualify to be a frau?

How does a frau find Datalounge?

She probably finds it to be faintly amusing.

R82, I'm straight and female. R84, some gay friends told me about it, but I never visited until I did a Google search for Benedict Cumberbatch a few years back. He was quite the hot topic here for a while and his thread was in the top 3 results. R85, many commenters on this board are hilarious. I also learn a lot when I'm here. You guys post as many newsworthy threads as you do "hot ass" threads. It's good reading.

Just realized that I never replied to R27; how rude of me. I do not buy People Magazine. I rarely read magazines at all, but when I do, they're usually entertainment rags like Interview, Flaunt, Hollywood Reporter, or Empire.

R29 I think I just read somewhere that US SPF products are much less effective than European ones.

Having been to Europe, I think that a lot of their products are superior to American ones.

What’s your idea of a perfect Sunday dinner?

R90, Thinly cut steak medallions with horseradish sauce, brussels sprouts, garlic mashed potatoes, grilled carrots, and red wine. If I can have bananas foster for dessert, I'm in heaven. That's a special occasion meal, though - I very rarely eat that way. I have a desk job, so I'm on a meal plan during the week. It saves money, I know I'm eating clean/how many calories I'm consuming, and I don't have to think about where I'm getting my lunch (my weekly schedule is often packed). I have more fun with food on the weekends.

Sorry, I keep forgetting to identify my answers as "OP." But the above is me.

What is the official frau anthem these days, frau? Do you like "anthemic" music?

Have you ever been attracted to a woman?

R93, No idea - I'm listening to a lot of Dedmau5 lately while I work. I do like Beyonce, does that count? I find a lot of new music by scrolling through TikTok. I'm very into Billie Eilish right now. A lot of suburban moms really love that "Proud to Be an American" anthem. I call it the Redneck Anthem. They don't like that.

R94, No. I've gotten offers from a couple of spectacular looking women, so the opportunity was there but not the motivation. A really hot burlesque dancer kissed me at a New Year's Eve party once, and I didn't hate it, but it was just the spirit of the moment. That's the extent of my experimentation. I've never questioned my gender or sexuality. More options would have been nice, alas!

Pretty sure you are not a frau. Just a woman that hangs here sometimes. Welcome!

Well, now I know, R96. Thanks!

Favorite lesbian porn?

You are in an open space office of 20 people.

It is 9am.

Jan has just brought in 20 homemade jumbo cookies and set them on communal table in the centre of the room.

Mmm they smell good.

In how many seconds are you making contact with cookie?

How many cookies do you take on the first visit?

What's the sluttiest you've ever been?

LOL, R99. I don't believe in deprivation, just moderation. I might have 2 cookies if I have PMS, but I'll usually just have 1. I tend to enjoy my sweets after lunch.

R100, I hooked up with another guest at a wedding (during the outdoor reception). Never saw him again. He was a mess, but it was fun.

Hi Frau!

My questions are:*Have you ever flashed your tits in public and have you ever had a wild random encounter with a cock attached to a strange man you just met?

Have you ever taught a class in Fundamentals of Frauism?

How about Intermediate Mug Cradling?

Re 101 - I'm gonna take that as 5 cookies before 09.30am.

Also, just for another test - you are in a Costco at 23.30 on the night before Chistmas.

The place is full of frantic customers and you NEED to read the ingrediants on the back of a pack of flour for allergies.

Do you:

(A) Place your shopping cart parrallel to a shelf so other people can get by

or

(B) Place your shopping cart diagonally across the aisle - and suddenly forget other people exist

R102, 1) I went topless at a resort in Mexico while on vacation. 2) I was walking down the street at dusk, and some guy on the corner pulled his dick out of his pants and started following me. Women have random encounters with dick all the time, almost none of it good. R103, the poster at R96 seems to have established that I have mistaken myself for a frau, but am not one, and am therefore unqualified to teach Fraudamentals. I do enjoy cradling the occasional mug, but I'm not at expert level. R98, I'm not into porn at all, really. I do enjoy erotic art and the occasional fanfic. Not being addicted to porn means that I can still use my imagination to get off - a dying art these days. R104, I would never step foot in a Costco, I do my Christmas shopping online and I don't use shopping carts, as I have stated.

Can you squirt? Do you like to, or is just something straight dudes like to see?

Do you enjoy all the stereotypes spread about women on DL?

RE:

'...I don't use shopping carts, as I have stated.'

Hmm, the lack of cart use goes in your favor - but the 'as I have stated' has a hints of passive-aggresiveness that suggests if a manager was here you might be calling for them

I think you're on the borderline hun

The one thing that may save you though is the sense of self awareness

The ultimate test... have you ever left your house/apartment/trailer JUST to buy a candle, knowing the scent of the candle you were going to buy before you got to the store (please also state if you had a coupon at the time)

R106, I've never squirted. I doubt it would add to the pleasure, as I already have multiple orgasms. It would just make a mess. R107 I find them alternately hilarious (there's always some truth to them) and horrifying (not that I expect gay men to know much about women). The word "cunt" gets thrown around very liberally on this board, leading me to suspect that a decent number of men here don't like women very much. But I already knew that gay men can be just as misogynistic as straight men. I suppose that we have little use for gay men except as surrogates or the occasional haggerati hanger-on. I've met plenty of gay men but would only consider one or two of them to be true friends. Of course, it goes both ways, with a lot of women obnoxiously using gay men as free fashion consultants or "dates" when they're single; expecting special treatment at gay bars that don't exist for them; and of course, the dreaded bachelorettes. That's got to be annoying since gay men have so few spaces just for them as it is.

Do you block anti Frau posters? I’m Asian and as you can imagine, DL is anti many things. If I’m in a bad mood and see a particularly obnoxious comment, it’s a block.

R108, Just a reminder that reading is fundamental. And no, I've never expended any extra energy to buy a candle. You are cracking me up. I do have an essential oil diffuser - I should probably just put my hair in a bun and start cradling a mug right now. R110, I don't blame you but I've never blocked anyone. I just move on. There's always another thread.

What colour, make and model is your SUV?

What flavour latte do you prefer?

How much did you pay for your Costco membership?

How often do you let your husband have poker nights?

Which one of your husband's friends do you hate the most and why?

[quote]I would never step foot in a Costco,

Ignore my costco question then.

I have a different one:

How many items or walls in your house have something like "family" or "live, love, laugh" or "home is the sweetest place blah blah" etc. printed on them or stencilled on to them?

R112, 1) I've never owned an SUV. I have a black 4 door sedan, with a charcoal grey leather interior. It's a Honda and I bought it from my father when he bought his new car. He keeps his cars in perfect condition; I couldn't have found better at a dealership. 2) I drink tea; my favorite is darjeeling, and I drink it black, one sugar. 3) Not married. I'm super independent so if I were married, I'd love a few nights on my own every week. I enjoy poker too, though! He can go golfing without me. I hate golf; to me, it's not a sport, it's just people in ugly pants, walking. 4) I absolutely believe that you can make an accurate judgment on any human being based on the company they keep. R114, I have one framed needlepoint that says HOME in my kitchen. My mother made it, and she died young. It's a piece of her that I cherish. I don't do "motivational quotes" or the like. I have a friend who married an Evangelical guy - now she tapes passages from Scripture on her bathroom mirror. She was never like that before the ring was on her finger. It creeps me the fuck out!

OP, you are not a frau. You seem more like a normal woman who is not a frau archetype.

You're not the first to say so, R116. I admit, I'm relieved to hear it, so thanks! Then again, someone else in this thread thinks I'm on the border of fraudom, so I guess the debate continues.

Explain the deal with pumpkin spice, OP. TIA

Idiots! She can’t be a frau because she’s answered all the questions and too sensibly I might add. This poster is either a real woman or a bored fag.

It's white lady nonsense, R118. You show up in your athlesiure or your cardigan, get your pumpkin spice latte, drive out to a field and take Instagram photos in the afternoon sun. Then you hashtag it #sundayfunday or #pumpkinspicelife. I have friends who do this every fall and I deliberately withhold my likes. I am not sure how this nonsense started and will be thrilled when it finally stops. I love pumpkin pie, but I hate pumpkin everything else - candles, cookies, candies, no thank you. R119 I'm a real bored woman 😉

You forgot to utter racial slurs, stupid cunt at R119.

Do you call the police on minorities for no reason? Are you obsessed with black mens privates? Do you wear polyester pants in many colors? Do you easedrop and repeat what you heard for no reason.? Are you overweight? Is your name a typical Frau name? Do you refuse to season your food? Do you have a pair of wedges? Do you have a belly bulge(FUPA)? Do you flip your hair and roll your eyes at strangers? Do you believe every conspiracy theory you here? Do you find Trump sexy? Do you own a pet,you make clothes for? Do you carry your purse in your hand or sling it over your shoulder? Are you impatient and have an annoying voice? Are you a religious fanatic? Does your bra and panties never match? Are you always on a diet?

R122, No, no, no, no, no (read the thread), no, no, yes, no, sometimes, no, NOPE, no, over my shoulder, no, no, no, and no. Thanks for the laugh!

[quote] I am a Frau.

No, you're not.

So, in order to qualify I have to be fat (from eating all the cookies), have a child named Madysyn, have a husband who isn't allowed to play poker, have an anthem, have a penchant for hitting people with my shopping cart in bulk supply stores, and hang various motivational quotes all over my house while drinking a pumpkin spice latte?

Better to be a frau than a hag. Gay men are out of style.

Excellent

I like you, OP.

Do you find Harry Styles attractive, like most fraus?

[quote]So, in order to qualify I have to be fat (from eating all the cookies), have a child named Madysyn, have a husband who isn't allowed to play poker, have an anthem, have a penchant for hitting people with my shopping cart in bulk supply stores, and hang various motivational quotes all over my house while drinking a pumpkin spice latte?

Yes.

Bonus points if you have a black SUV and a double-wide stroller. You don't necessarily have to be fat, you just have to believe that you're fat.

How many meals do you chow down when you are supposed to be working?

Big hug to you, R128! R129, no, he's a little bit rat faced. Good voice, though, and he seems like a nice kid. R130, unless I can have a top of the line Range Rover, I'll never have anything resembling an SUV. LOL R131 - I try not to eat at my desk. Lunch is my only real break during the week. I do sip tea all day, though - I have a YETI, so it stays warm for hours.

What color are your kitchen appliances? And is your washing machine a front or top loader?

They're white. I live in an apartment building, so the washing machine choice wasn't up to me (it's a top loader).

Why are you here?

When you visit NYC, do you go on those Sex and the City bus tours, dress like SJP and drink Cosmos?

R135, already asked and answered. R136, I'm from NYC. SaTC is the second most unrealistic portrayal of NYC in history, after Friends.

I admire your ability to take all the shots, fellow Gen-x straight woman who comes here for the laughs.

Hang in there!

Questions about SATC render the inquisitor an old gay frau even in 1990 whatever. Before my time. Waste of time.

OP. Do you now or did you ever listen to Tori Amos? Odds are you have. Have you cried while listening?

This woman is not a frau. She has no kids, is not fat and has relatively decent taste in men and culture. This is a frau.

We are all fraus today. OP is the new, AOC approved and aspirational frau. Don't imagine she hasn't suffered. She hurts all over. She's only lacking a diagnosis.

The fact that the OP feels entitled to post here and make a thread about herself tells me she is a frau. An uber frau in fact.

The fact that you feel entitled to post here tells me that you are a fool.

You guys are killing me. R138, frau-adjacent is my new favorite term. R139, I have listened to Tori Amos! The song that makes me cry is "Winter."

There are also yoga-fraus, R140.

[quote]I have listened to Tori Amos!

You would have to listen to a) country or b) rap to be a modern frau.

How big should a penis be, ideally?

I don't listen to either, R146. I also hate yoga. I have done Pilates, but I'd much rather go outside and take a long walk. R147, it depends on the woman. We have a cervix, so a penis large enough to hit it is uncomfortable. I'm on the smaller side, but I have friends who are size queens. Men think dick size is so important, but being skilled with your fingers and tongue, and being a good kisser, is just as important. How you treat us out of bed is what gets us in the mood. Straight up fucking can become tedious if that's all you've got. I like variety.

Did you ever find a doctor to cure your Irritable Bowel Syndrome?

Have you ever attended a bachelorette party in a gay bar?

Do you ever say Yasssssssssssss queeeeeeeeeeeeen ?

Have you ever given a Yankee Candle as a gift for Secret Santa?

Is your go to fast food Chick-fil-A?

[quote]Of course, it goes both ways, with a lot of women obnoxiously using gay men as free fashion consultants or "dates" when they're single; expecting special treatment at gay bars

See, I knew woman do this. Thanks for being honest OP, no woman has ever admitted to in in public. Iv had many a female friends I have helped out, moving, painting decorating, going to dinner, think we have a good friendship. Then when some guy comes along that looks like husband material. Suddenly too busy and drifts away. Has a kid, and totally out of sight out of mind. Years go by before they remember you were once friends.

I'm afraid I don't have IBS, R149. Have you located a physician who can pull the stick out of your ass? R150, the one bachelorette party that I attended took place at a spa. Champagne and massage beats getting hammered and puking on the sidewalk. Yes, R151, when appropriate, such as when watching RuPaul's Drag Race, or watching AOC do anything at all. Please, R152, I have class - if I'm giving you a candle, it'll be a Voluspa in a glass jar. R153, In-N-Out and Five Guys are my favorites, but McDonald's still makes the best fries.

Do you shop for cheese at Cracker Barrel?

It's the truth, R154. Gay men get used as replacement boyfriends, and it's bullshit. My gay friends know they're really my friends because I still see them when I have a boyfriend. I've been close to them for so long, and they know me so well, that if they hated my boyfriend, I would seriously consider dumping him. R156, don't eat cheese (lactose intolerant), but if I did eat it, it would be Tillamook. I have standards!

Do your frau friends take pictures of themselves for social media by holding a camera high overhead so that their eyes, forehead and hair look huge but their chin and mouth look tiny? Do they do it while a child is sitting in their lap?

Do you still shop at indoor malls?

Do you own one of these?

You seem very sweet OP. Do you watch The Golden Girls? Or Murder, She Wrote?

What are some of the most memorable DL threads you enjoyed?

Dose this cooking method appeal to you?

Do you think Chrissy Metz is an inspiration? Do you think John Travolta is straight?

Would you describe your decoration style in your place as not too modern, not too traditional AKA "Transitional"

You are required to see one of these ladies in concert with one of your fake gay friends. Sara Bareilles, Kelly Clarkson or PINK? Who's it gonna be frau? And why.

You guys are hilarious. I've heard Snuggies are awesome, R160, but I've never tried one. Any satisfied customers here? R162, I did not invest in a Kitchen Aid stand mixer to make something called a "dump cake," but I can see why busy moms would love that. They can put all their mugs to good use. Aww thanks, R161. I watched Golden Girls a bit when I was younger. I much prefer to watch Betty White call Brendan Gleeson "Officer Fuckmeat" in Lake Placid. That was definitely her best role. R158, my frau friends only put their kids in the shot, or crowd everybody around the husband so that his longer arms can take a group shot. They love to post Instagram stories of their kids rambling about whatever. Kids are adorable but it's amazing how similar all of the videos are. R159, I work near an outdoor mall. It's an easy spot to take a quick walk if I can get out of the office for lunch. R163 Noooooooope. I'm afraid she's going to die young if she doesn't do something about her weight. I don't like her show and I'm not a fan, but I've seen what obesity can do to someone's health. John Travolta is so clearly gay. R164, it's eclectic. Sort of boho meets east coast. More modern stuff mixed with older furniture that I've bought over the years. I'm not a traditional gal. R165 I'd have to pick PINK, because her shows are crazy and I wouldn't get bored.

I read People when it arrives courtesy of my leftover Alaska Airlines miles. I like it because of the stupidly easy crossword and that game where you decide which tie is a different color and which leg is shorter and check them off. It is a stimulating mag. Frankly, though I think George Clooney is a little old, even for a woman of my sophistication.

R166 is me, forgetting to put a tag again. I'm assuming that R167 is frau adjacent? I don't read People.

Wait a minute everybody!! This has to stop now!! OP states she lives in NYC so this whole thing doesn’t count. We need a frau from the Midwest or Connecticut or somewhere. Chicks from NYC can’t participate. Sorry.

You're obviously not familiar with the legions of fraus in NYC, R169.

I wasn't aware that a Midwestern pedigree was a requirement! Had I known, I would never have started this thread! The horror!

I was born in NYC, but haven't lived there in a long time - and R170 gets it right. NYC is home to everyone, even fraus.

Are you a Real Estate Frau?

I’m thinking Manhattan only when I think NYC.

R18 because it’s an open gash that needs to be rinsed or washed daily. The smells are different depending on the age of the frau, probably like a gay man’s asshole.

Very interesting thread. ♥️

R165 Pink because she is like a Cirque De Solei act.

So then R174, you have an open gash and a stinky asshole. Talk about a double stink bomb!

Fraus love gays and gays love fraus. It’s like a natural human circle. It’s like coffee with cream.

R177 you have a penis that is constantly judged and compared to a plethora of objects, I would rather have a vagina and asshole two holes to have a cock in.

I am not, R172. I work in advertising.

R172 American Beauty was realistic. Annette cried when she saw his clothes after he was murdered.

Real estate is advertising no? Nah, you're a fine writer and a good sport OP. Have you worn a dress designed to land a client? I retract that. Who wouldn't?

How many books do you read in a year? Do you have a dog? Is he/sbe named after a favorite literary character. Does your family pity your single barren life or do they celebrate you in a compensatory way?

OP do you like to get eaten out?

OP, you sound cool. I'm going to be in NYC in a couple of weeks. Want to meet up for drinks??

[quote]Want to meet up for drinks??

Always be wary of excess punctuation.

You are not a frau. Single, no kids.

"i'm not like other fraus, i'm a cool frau"

What do you eat in a day?

Do you bareback?

Would you watch a revival of frau-favourite Touched by an Angel?

Who doesn’t like their genitalia licked and sucked?

I do not like Lifetime Network.

May I say that, while I am a straight frau and enjoy sex with men, those dick pictures are jarring - to say the least. I quickly page past them. The female sensory system is differently oriented. Who the hell wants to look at someone's asshole? I don't get it.

R182, I always try to look nice when I meet a client, but I'm not important enough for my outfit to make or break the account. No pets, as I'm allergic to dander. I once had a couple of goldfish that I named Laurel and Hardy. My family is pretty great - we accept each other as we are. I have a dozen nieces and nephews, so the family line is in no danger of dying out. I love being the cool aunt. I read constantly - articles, blogs, at least 5 or 6 books a year. R183 HELL YES! Those are the BEST orgasms, super intense. You're sweet, R184, but I don't live in NYC anymore. I'm in California. You're funny, R185. R188, for breakfast, I have half a bagel with red pepper jelly, or an English muffin with butter and a hardboiled egg, or toaster waffles with maple syrup and butter, with black tea. Lunch is a meal plan that I have delivered to work - all meals are 600 calories or less, with no hormones, no chemicals, no antibiotics. I drink a sparkling water or a Coke with my lunch. For a snack in the afternoon, I will have a handful of chocolate covered almonds, or a packet of chips from the work pantry. I have a thermos of (decaf) tea on my desk that I sip from all day. For dinner, I might have a black bean patty over spinach with balsamic, a little bread with butter on the side. I might enjoy a drink at night, like wine or some whiskey, to wind down. I eat whatever I want on weekends - out with friends or whatever, because my work days are healthy and low calorie. R189 no, I do not - I don't have a steady partner who has been tested, and I'm not stupid. R190 I never watched that show. Is it worth a revival?

Frau adjacent, I'll meet up with you in CA. You seem cool. Do you have any hot, lesbian, single friends?

The OP is so annoying.

OP, if you had a dick I'd be on my knees. Proposing.

R195, I do, but I see them rarely. They have their house renovations and their dogs and their lesbian group getaways. Sigh, R197, so it's true, all the good ones are gay! What did it for you? My hatred of golf? My penchant for white kitchen appliances?

OP, have you ever been to the Netherlands?

^^^is that some kind of euphemism?

Can we do this now with a real frau? It may actually be fun.

When ladies get wet, aren't they afraid this might show through clothing? Do you always get moist when aroused?

R200, no. I'm a literalist.

When you're over 50, financially independent, and horny, will you engage in sexual tourism and to what countries?

Oh please R179 old Frau. If you are going to go there, you have breasts I assume, always the first thing men look at and judge you by. If you are flat chested you have to get surgery just to be noticed. If they are too big people assume you are a dumb bimbo. Guys don't have that problem. A big cock will open doors even when you are old and grey.

Why are you obsessed with pumpkin spice?

R199, no. R202, no, and yes. R204, taking advantage of the poor and underage is mostly a guy thing.

A real Frau would be SO! OFFENDED! and TRIGGERED! by this thread!! Better to ask us regular women what fraus are really like, since we have more access.

Can you name these lyrics:

Sound needs sound babe

The echoes they surround

And all that we need is one thing

So what is there to allow?

"No I in Threesome" by Interpol.

Do you shop at Chico's or Lane Bryant?

In your previous retail careers, did you ever work at GAP?

Did you save any of the paper playlist inserts that came with each month's CD or tape?

Do you sing like nobody is listening? Do you dance like nobody is watching? Do you love like you've never been hurt?

Does your godson sleep over at your house all the time?

Hey bitch are you my momma? Second ? / do you wear thong or cotton panties? Third/ do you trim your garden bush or do let it grow wild and untended? PS I love you mom

Do you prefer lionhead rabbits or cats?

R211, neither. R212, no. GAP does that? I haven't even been in a GAP store in years. R213, I mutter to myself occasionally. R214, both of my godsons are on the other side of the country, sadly. R215 I ain't nobody's mamma and it's going to stay that way! Second, I wear boy shorts. Third, I keep it neat with a combo of shaving, sugaring and trimming. Love you too, baby. R216, what the hell is a lion head rabbit? I do like cats, but am allergic. Dogs are cute, but very needy.

Have you ever considered adoption?

The tramp stamp you have on your ankle or lower back :is it misspelled Chinese lettering or a dolphin? Or perhaps a small flower?

How many times a year do you watch The Notebook?

OP, would you ever do a threesome (MMF or MFF)? Also, do you like Anilingus?

Do you fart in public?

Never wanted kids, R218. I have no tattoos, R219. R220, I've never seen it. I also hate Love, Actually, except for the parts with Martin Freeman. Yes, R221, I think I might, if they were both gorgeous and mostly focused on me. Not audibly, R222.

You are keeping up beautifully. You're failing on most things Frau, which is in your favor. Does that make you Frau-du-lent?

I love that! Frau-du-lent! If you say it with a French accent, it sounds fancy. Just call me Mademoiselle Frau-du-lent. lol

OP in the workplace do prefer interacting with Eldergay men or millennial gay men?

I tend to like gay men in general. Two of my bosses have been gay men, and they were among my best bosses. I do tend to find older people more interesting - always have. A tight body is not a fair trade for a lack of life experience; I prefer good conversation to a hard ass, although the two are not always mutually exclusive. Besides, middle aged people who've always taken good care of themselves tend to look great, IMO.

Lionhead rabbits. Fraus love keeping these in their homes.

OMG R228, that's ADORABLE. I do have a friend who has kept Rex rabbits since college. They're very soft, but also aggressive. A Rex could beat the shit out of your cat or dog.

Lionheads are a gentle breed but very intelligent so can be house trained easily. They have much softer fur than cats and are fine just ranging round your house, no howling to get outside or clawing of furniture.

ugh, this "frau" is tedious

OP, do you secretly hate all the bitches in your book club?

Hi:

Read the whole thread and here’s the only question I have left to ask.

Do you shriek maniacally, jump up and down, and shake your hands wrists-to-fingertips (as if fanning yourself) when a female acquaintance or coworker shows you her spanking new shiny engagement ring?

Did you know that you're a frau before you came to Datalounge?

And yet, here you are, R231. R232, I'm not in a book club (I do love to read, though - but I read things like fantasy novels and biographies, not the "beach reads" that are so popular in book clubs. R233, good GOD, NO. I say "Congratulations!" while thinking "Good luck" in my head. R234, I didn't know what a frau was before coming here, and according to the responses in this thread, I utterly fail at frauing.

Yeah. You’re pretty much a hep chick, so instead of grading you on a frau curve (which you would fail miserably), let’s go ahead and use the cool curve and take points off only for frau slips:

Out of a possible perfect score of 100 in the coolness scale, you get:

-2 for being lactose intolerant (somewhat frauish, though not as bad as fibromyalgia which would have cost you five points)

-1 for the dander allergies (would have been minus five for each of any crotch dropping of yours that had it, a scenario that would have resulted in magnified frau behavior in your part)

-3 for the occasional mug cradling by the fireplace (one point for each colder-weather season)

-2 for your penchant for sweets.

TOTAL SCORE: 92%

A solid A-minus in the coolness chart!

Well, that sounds scientifically conclusive, R236. I appreciate finally knowing for sure. You guys are hilarious and this has been a blast.

I think women who donate an egg to a gay couple so they can have kids should get child support payments for the rest of their natural lives as they are half the DNA of the offspring.

I wonder how much an egg costs?

OP, only a few posts into this thread you described yourself as something like no husband, no kids, no ball and chain. That is the antithesis of frau-dom and of course, you know this. Tell me, in what region did you grow up, were you raised in church or church-adjacent, and what is your ethnicity? You maybe that rarest of Frau-I-corns, the midwestern Polish/Bohemian reformed Catholic who is 45+ but “still believes in true love” and plans to adopt. How close am I toots?

$6,000 - $10,000, R239. Not counting the costs afterward (medical treatments, hiring a surrogate, etc). The entire process can easily cost $30,000 - $50,000 or more.

Are you the frau-iest frau that ever did frau?

Please OP, can you give us a name or two of people that you believe are the very embodiment of frau-ism. Can be a real person or a fictional character.

Are you as horrified as I am that certain gay men on this board refer to children as woman's "crotch-fruit"?

Actually r244 I think it’s funny, and I’ve dropped three.

R240, I'm from the northern east coast. Raised Catholic by mostly non-practicing parents (although they wanted to have all my Catholic credentials like Communion and Confirmation). I'm white (Celtic background mostly). Not sure I ever believed in "true love." Good relationships look like common goals and a decent amount of work. Don't want to adopt either. I do enjoy being the cool aunt. R243, Chrissy Metz and pretty much everyone in Oprah's audience. R242, apparently not! R244, it's horrifying but also funny. Like Chris Rock said, "a cockroach can have kids."

she ain't a frau, just an attention whore

She needs points deducted for thinking Shawn Mendes is gay.

R241 wait wait wait, back up. You’re saying gay couple will pay 5-10 grand for eggs with no childbearing required? If yes then what is the procedure and is it painful or potentially medically dangerous? AFAF

R249 Yes, from what I've heard, it's uncomfortable to painful. Takes time, 1 - 3 months of procedures, frequent monitoring/blood work, ultrasounds, daily hormone and med injections, daily appointments for a while etc. Then requires surgery for egg retrieval and poses some risks. It's not simple like sperm donation which is why it costs so much more. They can't go into a clinic at a random time and have eggs extracted without preparation. Of course some couples use a known donor instead of paying for anonymous donor egg(s), a female friend or someone and they either co-parent some kind of arrangement (the cheapest route if everyone wants a parental role to some degree) or else pay her for being a surrogate only, no need to extract eggs as she is instead inseminated. But that too can take multiple cycles until success.

R122 I’m not a Frau (at least not according to the DL criteria) but to my shame I do have FUPA.

It’s a holdover from bad untested birth control medication I was given as a teen, and a bout of subsequent depression that saw me overeat and seclude myself and give up socialising/sex. I’m basically recovered from that now (took some years) but no matter how many gym sessions I do or miles I walk or calories I count (and I hate doing that, it feels frauey) my inches of flab hold fast. I feel so self-conscious about it that I can’t bring myself to date, or go to the beach, or go to bars and dance. My BMI is healthy, I’m active, I sometimes do intermittent fasts ad eat moderate & well the rest of the time...what else can I do?

It doesn’t help either that my body-shape is totally at odds with my identity (masc, androgynous lesbian).