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Let's be a Guy Fieri restaurant!

I'm a Pulled Pork Banh Mi with Pseriously Psycho Psaigon Psauce.

by Anonymousreply 13605/15/2019

I’m an egg

by Anonymousreply 104/09/2019

I hate him almost as much as I do Trump.

by Anonymousreply 204/09/2019

I'll be...

by Anonymousreply 304/09/2019

I'm Chipotle-Lime Dynamite Egg Rolls With Molé-Ginger Dippin' Sauce.

by Anonymousreply 404/09/2019

I'm Watermelon Margarita. I taste like a lethal combination of radiator fluid and formaldehyde.

I'm also plain, limp, unsalted squid rings served with some sweet sludge which are supposed to be Awesomely Good Rhode Island Calamari.

by Anonymousreply 504/09/2019

WWs for everyone. I laughed out loud. Is it just that easy?

by Anonymousreply 604/10/2019


by Anonymousreply 704/10/2019

I'm Guy's Smash Mouth cocktail: one part Clairol Frost & Tip lightening solution to two parts Drakkar Noir and Massengill Extra-Strength Vinegar & Water, served in a glass rimmed with ground puka shells.

by Anonymousreply 804/10/2019

I'm a Deep Fried Mac and Cheese Poke Bowl garnished with Outrageous Truffle Oil Sriracha.

by Anonymousreply 904/10/2019

I'm a Car Bomb Mint Mudslide, with Jameson, white and green creme de menthe, chocolate vodka, Kahlua and mint chocolate chip ice cream, served in a schooner with crushed mint Oreo rim.

by Anonymousreply 1004/10/2019

All he ever does is stand there and watch other people cook food and then eat it. He's a totally useless waste of space.

by Anonymousreply 1104/10/2019

I’m the very strong smell of feet in the appetizers

by Anonymousreply 1204/10/2019

His face reminds me of a cockroach.

by Anonymousreply 1304/10/2019

I'm totally into guys who look and act like him (yeah yeah, I know) and yet he skeeves me out.

by Anonymousreply 1404/10/2019

[quote]His face reminds me of a cockroach.

That's really insulting!

by Anonymousreply 1504/10/2019

Heart attack is #3 on the menu.

by Anonymousreply 1604/10/2019

We’re the seed oils he fries everything in.

by Anonymousreply 1704/10/2019

I'm the smell, evoking odors of a Penn Station bathroom.

by Anonymousreply 1804/10/2019

I'm the classy Viking appliances

by Anonymousreply 1904/10/2019

I'm the grease

by Anonymousreply 2004/10/2019

I'm the Donkey Sauce.

by Anonymousreply 2104/10/2019

I'm the deafening noise

by Anonymousreply 2204/10/2019

We're Sam & Ella.

by Anonymousreply 2304/10/2019

I'm the dirty bleached spiky hair you see when Fieri drops by.

by Anonymousreply 2404/10/2019

I'm the fart gas saturating the cushioned seats in the dining room.

by Anonymousreply 2504/10/2019

I am the very tasteless bowling shirts he wears.

by Anonymousreply 2604/10/2019

R15 Sorry. It's just something about him, that reminds me twitching feelers and wiggling mandible bits.

Love, R13

by Anonymousreply 2704/10/2019

I'm a venison burger topped with applewood bacon, cheddar, feta, blue cheese coleslaw, banana pepper rings and "rockin' guac," served with a "dipper" of Guy's special Awesome Sauce.

by Anonymousreply 2804/10/2019


by Anonymousreply 2904/10/2019

I'm the burgeoning suicide stats in Flavortown.

by Anonymousreply 3004/10/2019

One of my favorite lines from Oh Hello was when they dubbed the Times Square restaurant "Guy Fieri's Great American Garbage Fire."

by Anonymousreply 3104/11/2019

I’m the permanent vinegar smell that permeates everything because I, the owner, am a TOTAL DOUCHE.

by Anonymousreply 3204/11/2019

I’m Guy Ferry. Google me.

by Anonymousreply 3304/11/2019

We’re the rapidly rising insulin levels with every bite.

by Anonymousreply 3404/11/2019

I’m the dessert menu. Anyone up for “Guy’s Cheesecake Challenge”? It’s “a mountain of cheesecake topped with pretzels, potato chips and hot fudge”.

No thank you.

by Anonymousreply 3504/11/2019

R35 I thought you were joking but, no, it's a real thing at his Vegas restaurant

by Anonymousreply 3604/11/2019

The microscope slide embedded in the cheesecake is a thoughtful touch. The coroner will want a sample.

by Anonymousreply 3704/11/2019

I'm the nauseated viewer for Food Network where he's on constantly much to my general irritation.

by Anonymousreply 3804/11/2019

I'm one of the dimwitted morons all over the country who flock to his shitty choke and puke restaurants because we stupidly think he's a celebrity and we consider the food this smelly hog serves is good food.

by Anonymousreply 3904/11/2019

I’m the pepperoni lasagna-pizza mashup breaded, deep fried and covered in donkey sauce? Down to Flavor Town!

by Anonymousreply 4004/11/2019

Never watched his show but this thread is gold!

by Anonymousreply 4104/11/2019

I'm the elegant bracelet from the Guy Fieri Signature Collection sold in the gift shop

by Anonymousreply 4204/11/2019

r41 indeed. I'm saving this topic's URL to post in the "how can I lose weight fast?" threads for fasting inspiration.

by Anonymousreply 4304/11/2019

I'm the frozen box of Crispy Cheeseburger Ravioli Bites sold in the gift shop so that you can take a little bit of Flavortown home with you

by Anonymousreply 4404/11/2019

I never watch the Food Network, but now I realize the origin of so much weird/terrible bar food in the last ten years.

by Anonymousreply 4504/11/2019

I like his Diner, Drive ins and Dives show. Found some good places to eat from it.

by Anonymousreply 4604/11/2019

I'm the pair of 300-pound tourists in MAGA hats wedging our way through the door of his Times Square shithole. We just toured Trump Tower and all that walking has made us super hungry. We'll be ordering the Prima Donna Pork-Belly Po-boys with Cajun Molasses Ketchup Gravy. And we will eat everything on our plates.

by Anonymousreply 4704/11/2019

I am the apostrophe. I will be replacing the letter "G" throughout the menu in order to lend the restaurant some down-home plain-talkin' atmosphere. I will sooth the 300-pound tourists' fears that they may actually have to act as if they have ever left their beloved livin' rooms and make anyone with an ounce of dignity feel like killin' themselves.

by Anonymousreply 4804/11/2019

I am Smothered. You know that little cartoon about not drowning your food they used to play on Saturday morning? I am the opposite of that.

by Anonymousreply 4904/11/2019

I’m pig boys weenie that he keeps grabbing while he cooks.

by Anonymousreply 5004/11/2019

I am the customer who mistakes Guy F. for Colin Farrell, and nearly die of shock at his obesity.

by Anonymousreply 5104/11/2019

I’m all the viewers that wants Guy to no longer be on the Food Network 24/7.

by Anonymousreply 5204/11/2019

I'm the Bacon Mac-N-Cheese Burger you eat right before you die of a heart attack

by Anonymousreply 5304/11/2019

I’m the trashcan nachos slithering off the plate then off the table on to your lap and finally the floor.

by Anonymousreply 5404/11/2019

I’m the resident cardiologist, because at Guy’s, we care.

by Anonymousreply 5504/11/2019

I want someone to photoshop a dick in his mouth using the pic at R28

by Anonymousreply 5604/11/2019

Does he still travel with his screaming slap- fighting hair dresser?

by Anonymousreply 5704/11/2019

Sorry to break it to you, R47, but his restaurant at Times Square is no more. They'll probably have to salt the ground and bring Native American shamans to smudge it before anything else can go in there.

by Anonymousreply 5804/11/2019

R58 Another reason to hate the Kushner family who owns the spot. According to the Washington Post, a restaurant has to pull in in excess of $25 million a year to be profitable in that spot. I don't see how the restaurant that replaced Guy Fieri's restaurant, The Ribbon, is going to be able to pull in enough money to pay the rent.

by Anonymousreply 5904/11/2019

This review incinerated him.

by Anonymousreply 6004/11/2019

Does he serve that shit in hats and shoes and shovels like them fancy eatin’ places do?

Cuz if so, then he should use toilet seat covers as napkins cuz that’s all that swill is worthy of.

by Anonymousreply 6104/11/2019

He looks like a fatted pig sweating before slaughter.

by Anonymousreply 6204/11/2019

The thing is, as much as I enjoyed that review, nobody who reads NYT restaurant reviews was going to eat at that slophole in the first place. And the people who would are not exactly NYT readership. Guy Fiery and his ilk are the reason why Food network is unwatchable these days (HGTV are guilty of the same charges.)

by Anonymousreply 6304/11/2019

I'm the finest ingredients Sysco has to offer.

by Anonymousreply 6404/11/2019

I'm Guy back in the kitchen molesting the asparagus

by Anonymousreply 6504/11/2019

I'm the complementary Flowmaster thrown in with dinner parties of 8 or more people.

by Anonymousreply 6604/11/2019

I'm the Crappetizer Combo: Dorito Crusted Melty Mozzarella Logs, Double D Lettuce Cups with Jicama Poutine and Maple Glazed Chicken Shrapnel, Pumpkin Spice Hummus with Cajun Crostini for dippin', Wicked Kosher Twice-Fried Char Siu Matzo Balls, Viagra-Infused Bacon-Wrapped Bacon, and Guy-talian Gnarly Gnocchi with Shart Aioli.

by Anonymousreply 6704/11/2019

[quote]Double D Lettuce Cups with Jicama Poutine and Maple Glazed Chicken Shrapnel, Pumpkin Spice Hummus with Cajun Crostini for dippin'

I love you, r67.

by Anonymousreply 6804/11/2019

I'm the gent's room.

by Anonymousreply 6904/11/2019

I'm "fusion." I used to be fun and clever and interesting until Guy discovered me.

by Anonymousreply 7004/11/2019

LOL, R67.

by Anonymousreply 7104/11/2019

I'm the loaded viccysuave soup with applewood bacon crumbles and a donkey sauce swirl

by Anonymousreply 7204/11/2019

I'm the Sassy Molassy Poo-teeni topped with Shredded Texan Beef Jerky with the side of Five Star Assburner Red Sauce onion rings.

by Anonymousreply 7304/11/2019

r8 That was a masterpiece. Truly.

by Anonymousreply 7404/11/2019

Hard pass.

by Anonymousreply 7504/11/2019

This is both stomach churning and hilarious great thread

by Anonymousreply 7604/11/2019

I'm the Glopsloptious Gummy Berry Goodnight Kiss Frozen Parfait Sour Pucker Surprise, served in a sundae glass and drizzled with ice cold Mocha Maple Syrup and paired with a dish of Deep Fried Guinness-Battered Oreos.

For dippin'.

by Anonymousreply 7704/11/2019

R58 lmfao

by Anonymousreply 7804/11/2019

I will be the vomit in the parking lot.

by Anonymousreply 7904/12/2019

R75 made me laugh out loud.

by Anonymousreply 8004/12/2019

Im his Orchestral level.

by Anonymousreply 8104/12/2019

I’m actual food. You might as well cook me at home for all they charge for this overpriced greasy carby shit. You’re why the rest of the world rightly hates white people.

by Anonymousreply 8204/12/2019

I'm the roughed-up hairdresser.

by Anonymousreply 8304/12/2019

I'm before fame and fortune.

by Anonymousreply 8404/12/2019

I'm the food that looks great but tastes like shit.

by Anonymousreply 8504/12/2019

I'm the Awesomely Authentic Taste of New York: The Cronut Cocktail! Vanilla-adjacent vodka, honey, cream cheese and melted butter garnished with sprinkles, nitro pills and a cake pop swizzle stick. Served in a jelly-rimmed mug suitable for cradling. (Mugs available in the gift shop!)

by Anonymousreply 8604/12/2019

Isn’t that how they make the pumpkin hummus, R69?

by Anonymousreply 8704/12/2019

I'm a Big Phat Phuck who is the walking equivalent of a Dump Cake.

by Anonymousreply 8804/12/2019

Posted sans comment mostly because it’s too early in the morning to be witty.

by Anonymousreply 8904/12/2019

[quote]I'm the food that looks great

I think you have Despairtown confused with a fancy restaurant like Applebee's.

by Anonymousreply 9004/12/2019

I’m the overpriced hype, just like the fat man himself.

by Anonymousreply 9104/12/2019

I'm the cocaine that isn't helping him lose weight for some reason.

by Anonymousreply 9204/12/2019

Hi [92]! I'm the Deep-Fried Sausage-Coated Caramel-Popcorn Ball with Jalapeno-Cheddar Pretzel Breadcrumb Stuffing served with a Tankard of Pig Milk Gravy. For dippin'.

Otherwise known as "the reason."

by Anonymousreply 9304/12/2019

I cant stand to see him eat. everytime he takes a mouthful I imagine his arteries clogging up a little bit more. He isnt going to live to old age...........

by Anonymousreply 9404/12/2019

I don't know whether to sue or take notes.

by Anonymousreply 9504/14/2019

R95 how about both.

by Anonymousreply 9604/14/2019

I'm the poorly dressed, wide-eyed, exurban family of five delighting in our sophisticated foray into Flavortown.

by Anonymousreply 9704/14/2019

I'm his children Hunter, Catcher, Ryder, Banger, and Dumper.

by Anonymousreply 9804/14/2019

I'm the "Coated in Panko Crumbs, Aged Parmigiano-Reggiano, Brittany Sea Salt and Sumatran Pink Peppercorns, and then Twice-Deep-Fried in Duck Fat, Served with a Worcestershire-and-Ghost-Pepper Dipping Sauce, Guy's Weddings and Funerals Special....

Tater Tots."

by Anonymousreply 9904/14/2019

I'm the sweat dripping off his brow onto your food as he examines it before it gores out to you.

by Anonymousreply 10004/14/2019

appropriate typo

by Anonymousreply 10104/14/2019

I'm his Grindr account: "Masc. btm daddy seeks well-endowed top twink, 18 - 21".

by Anonymousreply 10204/14/2019

I am the vomit in the parking lot.

by Anonymousreply 10304/14/2019

I'm his real name, Gaylord Ponsonby Ferry III, abandoned and hidden away as part of a larger quest for a more masculine persona.

by Anonymousreply 10404/14/2019

I'm the gunts on the customers, getting guntier.

by Anonymousreply 10504/14/2019

I'm leafy green vegetables. I don't know why I'm here.

by Anonymousreply 10604/14/2019

[106] to provide a bed for the bowl full of Tuna-Turkey Taco Testosterone Fantastic Fish Fondue, of course!

by Anonymousreply 10704/14/2019

Can I substitute the Fully Loaded Bratwurst French Fry Nachos for that green stuff? But go light on the Old Bay...I don't like spicy food.

by Anonymousreply 10804/14/2019

*I* am the vomit in the parking lot.

by Anonymousreply 10904/14/2019

I'm the inspector from the health dept. giving the restaurant an F which is not on the rating chart because the filth is off the charts.

by Anonymousreply 11004/15/2019

He reviewed a great little hole-in-the wall seafood restaurant on his “Diners....” show and now the place gets crammed full with overweight tourists and I can’t go anymore.

by Anonymousreply 11104/15/2019

I am the teen who stole Guy's stinky fart infused Lamborghini.

by Anonymousreply 11204/15/2019

...of course he has a Lamborghini...

by Anonymousreply 11304/15/2019

...and rough trade...

by Anonymousreply 11404/15/2019

I'm a datalounger who needs a laugh and hopes this thread will come back from the dead.

by Anonymousreply 11505/13/2019

I’m the rampant, usually drunken sexual harassment that he and his managers inflict on low-level kitchen and dining room employees.

by Anonymousreply 11605/13/2019

I'm Guys neck I have been hiding under his chins for at least a decade and I won't be seen ever again.

by Anonymousreply 11705/13/2019

This is funniest thread in ages. I'm not a foodie, so can't contribute. But thanks guys!

by Anonymousreply 11805/13/2019

[quote]needs a laugh and hopes this thread will come back from the dead.

That's what Guy's girlfriend said about his penis.

by Anonymousreply 11905/13/2019

I'm ketchup. I'm a vegetable.

by Anonymousreply 12005/14/2019

I'm gravy. I'm a beverage.

by Anonymousreply 12105/14/2019

Gee, the kid who stole the car is really good looking. Alas, seems like a sociopath.

by Anonymousreply 12205/14/2019

I'm the bits of ABC red hots in your bowl of Guy Fuego's 12 alarm chili that fell into the pot while he was muching away over the stock pot on a taping of "Triple D".

by Anonymousreply 12305/14/2019

We're the billion empty calories, who finally found a home.

by Anonymousreply 12405/14/2019

I'm the live electric lamp socket that does his hair.

by Anonymousreply 12505/14/2019

I'm a dogeared copy of Kitchen Confidential. I'm the employee handbook.

by Anonymousreply 12605/14/2019

I'm pancake syrup. I'm a post-prandial.

by Anonymousreply 12705/14/2019

I am the amount of punching that his face sings out for.

by Anonymousreply 12805/14/2019

I am the process known as "congealing".

by Anonymousreply 12905/14/2019

I’m the Etheleyne Glycol 4-alarm smoke’n lava margarita cooler!

by Anonymousreply 13005/14/2019

I'm all the food that fell off his face and down the inside of Guys shirt, 2 days later I will still be there since he never changed his clothes.

by Anonymousreply 13105/15/2019

Love this thread!.

by Anonymousreply 13205/15/2019

Cannot stand him and they keep giving him new programs...ugh

by Anonymousreply 13305/15/2019

I'm just shocked that dirty looking pig's fame hasn't failed by now. I guess it's yet another demonstration of what lowbrow tastes so many Americans have.

by Anonymousreply 13405/15/2019

I'm Guy's eyes. Due to a regrettable combination of fatness and genetics I resemble the slots in a piggy bank. Which I technically am.

by Anonymousreply 13505/15/2019

I'm Guy's underpants

by Anonymousreply 13605/15/2019
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