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The subjective nature of "hotness"

I am 68. I hit the SF scene in 1972. My husband and I used to go dancing together and always shared our guy opinions and sometimes had a threeway. My husband is very attractive and I am not the head turner he is. Anyway, we noticed after seeing countless gay couples and bar hookups, that it was more common to see a stunning guy with an average boyfriend than two stunners. Sometimes one was a 10 and the other a 2. Our conclusion was that, for the most part, everyone is someone's fantasy. In general, we found that two hot guys were less likely to stay together.

by Anonymousreply 37March 18, 2019 12:28 PM

That’s nice.

by Anonymousreply 1March 17, 2019 5:17 PM

Good story. Are you 2 still together?

I've known several long-lasting gay couples that were 10s with 2s (or more accurately, 9s with 4s). They did seem to last longer than 10/10s, for whatever reason.

They also tended to make other gay men irrationally angry and resent the 2/4 partner beyond reason.

by Anonymousreply 2March 17, 2019 5:18 PM

I think equally matched is the way to go.

I rarely see gay couples where one is beautiful and one is ugly. This seems to be more of a straight phenomenon with ugly men and gold digger trophy wives

by Anonymousreply 3March 17, 2019 5:21 PM

And that’s why you’re single R3.

by Anonymousreply 4March 17, 2019 5:22 PM

It's called the one god per household rule.

by Anonymousreply 5March 17, 2019 5:23 PM

It’s always annoying when 2’s think they deserve an 8 or 9 or some guy way hotter than themself. Bitch, be realistic.

by Anonymousreply 6March 17, 2019 5:24 PM

Ok R[4], why don’t you post some pictures of gay couples where one is hot and the other is UGLY. I’m sure they are all over instagram since this phenomena is apparently SO COMMON

by Anonymousreply 7March 17, 2019 5:26 PM

There seems to be no rhyme or reason, in my experience as to why gay couples last, beyond them being able to stick together through rough patches. Just like married hetero couples who last. And it was easier for gay couples to break up so those who stick together are just the sticking together type. I don't think it has much to do with looks, class, education, or sexual compatibility or sexual fulfillment.

by Anonymousreply 8March 17, 2019 5:27 PM

As a hot guy, I will date less attractive guys (but a 10 with a 2 is extreme). I could go for someone average but not ugly (a true 2 is pretty rare).

The attraction is that the lesser attractive guy is more appreciative to have you and will treat you better, vs another hot guy who has so many options that you are disposable

by Anonymousreply 9March 17, 2019 5:32 PM

My thought is if you see a hot gut with an average guy, the average guy is a hung top and the pretty boy is a bottom. You will never see a hot top with an ugly bottom. Facts.

by Anonymousreply 10March 17, 2019 5:34 PM

In my experience when a guy was equally as good looking as you there was a shift of power,and I didnt like it. Humble brag coming,but I was always the better looking one. Whenever I dated equally hot,it never lasted mainly because of me and my own control issues. Long story short,2 dead husbands and pushing 60 and alone for a while now.

by Anonymousreply 11March 17, 2019 5:36 PM

A huge cock, in the gay world, can score anything.

by Anonymousreply 12March 17, 2019 5:37 PM

Huge cock = money = 10 score looks. Any one of these elements outweighs every other variable.

Gay math is pretty easy to figure out, and it almost never changes.

by Anonymousreply 13March 17, 2019 5:47 PM

R2...Since you asked, 48yrs. I am speaking about my past so, I guess perhaps things have changed. I hope not. By the way, he is still hot!

by Anonymousreply 14March 17, 2019 5:47 PM

That's a sweet story. I'm an eldergay too and hit the SF scene in the mid-80s.

by Anonymousreply 15March 17, 2019 5:55 PM

There is a couple on Grindr in my area, one guy is at least an 8 and his husband is at most a 2. They are searching for a threesome, I doubt they find many takers. I can't understand couples made of extremes.

by Anonymousreply 16March 17, 2019 6:03 PM

"As a hot guy,"'

Verificatia of said hotness, please, or it's just so much delusional bullshit on your part.

by Anonymousreply 17March 17, 2019 6:06 PM

My hubby and I lived at the Russian River for a number of years. He bartended at the Rainbow. You might say he was an 8 or 9 (to me he's a 10) while I'm a 1 or 2. He was hit on a lot while I wasn't. When some found out we were together, they couldn't believe it. We live in another state now, and it still happens occasionally.

by Anonymousreply 18March 17, 2019 6:06 PM


Have you guys ever heard of Romulo Praxes? He is a hot brazilian instagram model/whore who had a busted boyfriend named Franklin. I don’t get it at all..

by Anonymousreply 19March 17, 2019 6:10 PM

Here is a link with a video of them

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 20March 17, 2019 6:11 PM

Most of you are confusing “hotness” and “power” with entitlement.

by Anonymousreply 21March 17, 2019 6:13 PM

You always want to be:

1) the pretty one

2) the poorer one

3) the smarter one

and 4) one loves less

by Anonymousreply 22March 17, 2019 6:12 PM

[quote]Humble brag coming,but I was always the better looking one.

Not humble. Just brag.

"Humblebrag" allows us to infer from what you say. It doesn't clobber us over the head with whatever you're selling, the way you're doing.

by Anonymousreply 23March 17, 2019 6:16 PM

Everyone ages and changes. A hottie at 20 is not necessarily a hottie at 40. I also think a lot of “hot” gay guys are hot because of the effect of working out on the body which can feed narcissism. I’ve found that 2 guys who are obsessed with looking good and working out tend to be too narcisstic to work on the relationship. One needs to be worshipped or at least slightly put on a pedestal.

In general, I haven’t seen a lot of 10s in their 20s /30s who are long-term partnered with the same person. The 7 and under category seems to make it work more often. My partner and I were both in the 7 range when we met at 30/31 and are together 20 years. Stubbornness on my part, laid-back attitude on his part have been a big contributor.

by Anonymousreply 24March 17, 2019 6:21 PM

My Jewish mother always told me, “It’s best to be equally yoked.”

She wasn’t wrong - I found a guy who was equallly as handsome, with an equally nice dick as well.

by Anonymousreply 25March 17, 2019 6:29 PM

[quote]Sometimes one was a 10 and the other a 2. Our conclusion was that, for the most part, everyone is someone's fantasy. In general, we found that two hot guys were less likely to stay together.


Contrary to all logic and reason, Will and Grace provided the most common explanation. In every such relationship there is a gardener and a rose - one partner who is more nurturing and one who needs to be the center of attention. It simply doesn't work when both partners need to be in the spotlight. They inevitably compete against each other and come to resent each other.

Second, a strangely common reason is that the "hotter" one is often the more insecure and chooses a partner who won't be, in their minds, likely to stray. They want the "power" in the relationship that arises from the less attractive partner being told how lucky he is to have landed such an attractive partner.

by Anonymousreply 26March 17, 2019 6:30 PM

Good points R26

by Anonymousreply 27March 17, 2019 6:44 PM

I am the ugly one. Together 27 years. He's still beautiful. I am lucky.

by Anonymousreply 28March 17, 2019 7:29 PM

I think it's best to get a partner who's not competing for the same spotlight as you. My husband is a big deal in his profession and I'm a big deal in mine, but we don't really have the same friends or acquaintances, so we never feel terribly competitive. He's over 10 years older than me and everyone always wonders how he got me (at least that's what he tells me). I think he's adorable and a total sweetheart and that matters to me more than cock size and a ripped body. I had my few years of wild sexcapades and made the mistake of falling in love with a gorgeous narcissist, so meeting my husband was a wonderful change of pace.

It's a cliche, but it's true. Don't fall for the 9 or 10. Fall for a nice 5 or 6. They're more dependable and reliable.

by Anonymousreply 29March 17, 2019 7:33 PM

Every gay long term relationship I know ,including mine : A Flower and a Gardner.

by Anonymousreply 30March 17, 2019 8:02 PM

You can also have two gardeners. The combo that doesn't work is two flowers.

by Anonymousreply 31March 17, 2019 8:40 PM

I'm intrigued, R22: what's the logic behind being "the poorer one"? Less responsibility to the partner?

I've seen a lot of "poorer ones" date & settle down with money for years (all pre-gay marriage, mind you.)

And guess what?

They were still "poorer" when the relationships ended. Some far worse off for it (eg, giving up job prospects, school, etc. for the sake of the partner's higher-powered career).

I will always prefer having my own money, thanks.

by Anonymousreply 32March 18, 2019 4:27 AM

Maybe it’s b/c the richer person always wonders whether he is loved only for his money.

I’d rather have my own money.

by Anonymousreply 33March 18, 2019 6:05 AM

A flower and a big dick also work.

by Anonymousreply 34March 18, 2019 7:20 AM

I like the gardener and rose metaphor, which is new to me. The French say that there's one who kisses and one who offers the cheek. I like the older-younger dynamic where there is no competition for virtue-- the virtues of each partner differs from the virtues of the other, so there can ber profound mutual admiration and appreciation.

by Anonymousreply 35March 18, 2019 8:10 AM

I've always been the less attractive one in my relationships- but they've all been gardeners like me

by Anonymousreply 36March 18, 2019 10:17 AM

Two flowers and two gardeners here. We both work in same profession and corporation but a mile apart at different locations. We worked together for a bit but drive each other crazy. My husband is strong where I am not, but I’m quicker to adapt to a rapidly changing situation than him. We really compliment each other. I thank God I met him every day!

10’s stay with 2’s because somewhere along the way, there is a complete disruption of the natural gay life progression that changes the end results.

There’s an episode of “Banana” that I showed my husband last night that really expands on this- worth a watch-


by Anonymousreply 37March 18, 2019 12:28 PM
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