My sister insists on giving unwanted advice on our adopted son's name

Come to think of it, I think she's just jealous I've got a family and she don't.

Dorothy?

" Tegan, Idaho, Mackenzie, Devin, Tayte, Carter, or Ashley "

Are we a forum for bad creative writing now?

The kid is five years old. Doesn’t he already have a name?

R5, we're legally changing his name to help him integrate. We live in a deplorable area east of Portland and don't want him to be bullied.

R3, I think those are lovely names. What's wrong with them?

Guatemala shut down international adoption twelve years ago

Whatever that kid's name is cannot be worse than these choices. Leave lil' José, Juan, Gilberto, Miguel or Ricardo alone.

R7...uh, no.

-75/10.

0/10

OP, if you can't do any better than his, you need to turn n your gay card.

R8, what exactly is wrong with those names?

Just Americanize his birth name, he doesn't need an entirely new identity

R14 that might work, but we really wanted him to have a cute, boyish name.

My English teacher at prep school had two rubber stamps. One said, “ Too Vague: Be Specific,” and the other was, “Cliche’: Minus Five.”

OP: After applying my English teacher’s techniques to your introduction, your score so far is about 45%.

And even that’s being generous.

R13, if by "those names", you mean the names the OP proposes, the answer is that they are silly, pretentious porn/soap opera names. I agree with R8. Let the boy keep his name. He's going through enough adjustment without being called something new.

R17 - what makes a porn name? No one's being called Chest Rockwell or Jackson Wolfhard here.

Crotchfruit.

Oddly specific trolling.

At least we weren't subjected to the tiny cocklet this time.

R21 tiny what?

That wasn't even funny. Back to writing class for you, OP.

R23 this is my life it's not meant to be funny. Why don't you have anything constructive to say?

Well, since you're going through the trouble of changing his name, you might as well write him a backstory for the first five years of his life that takes place here in America. As soon as he gets here, had him his dossier.

Why do frauen think they are entitled to advise gays?

[quote] my husbear and I

[quote]Atrocious abuse

[quote]Simmering resentment

[quote]Dahling

[quote]Nebraska

[quote]Portland

[quote]And she don’t

Your characterizations are all over the place. You seem to have trouble sticking to one background.

Tell us more about your 6'4" rancher daddy?

R27, my sister went to Boston College and affects a mid atlantic upper crust accent to hide her Podunk Nebraska roots.

Why is anyone responding to this moron as though his story were real?

OP, from your list, I honestly thought you were picking a girl's name. Ashley, ffs.

Your sister collects cats and you collect third world orphans. I can’t sort out which is worse.

I also would like to point out that adoptions from Guatemala were stopped 12 years ago. A family member was in Guatemala to take their daughter home and were delayed 2 weeks. They were eventually allowed to leave with her because the final paperwork was filed 2 days before the new mandate was published. Side note- I know 6 girls named Mackenzie.

Why does this sound like an EST?

[quote] Come to think of it, I think she's just jealous I've got a family and she don't.

She don't? She really don't?

Dear God, how could you get through that initial diatribe, and then screw it all up with that illiteracy?

I don't think you want to name your child after Devin Nunes.

Bring back the tales of your neighbor's son JOEL!!! Please. I really want to meet him.

I'm surprised you still keep with your sister. I ditched mine long ago.

Has anyone noticed millennial / Gen Z names are...different. I know lots of gay parents who want to give their kids gender-neutral names, or non-macho, non-aggressive names. A gay couple who adopted I know expressly said they didn't want to give their adopted sons heteronormative, aggressive , 'flyover' names. Maybe it's a trend.

2/10

Do you mind offering some examples of both categories, R39? I'm curious.

Oh, OP. I love how you try, but you're no BILL TAYLOR, you know?

How about Taylor as a first name, btw? I think that checks all your boxes.

These names will be perfect if the child gives even the slightest hint of gender dysphoria. You'll be able to trans him in a trice and not change the name. Very thoughtful and progressive.

Name all of them Mario, and then refer to them as the Mario brothers.

R41 names like Tegan, Tayte, Mackenzie, Alexis etc. are names I see given to boys born in the late 90s/2000s. A couple I know adopted two boys and named the Colton and Ashleigh.

Almost all urban gay couples I know loathe and revile names like Norm, Brett, Harrison, Chad, Stan etc.

Tegan was a girl on Dr. Who.

I suppose some names are gender neutral, r46. So much internalized homophobia on this thread.

bump

OP, what is your son's current name? We can help you "jazz" it up.

Troll, do your research. Guatemala was not compliant in the Hague adoption standards and it was shut down years ago. The agency in the link at r9 clearly states that no adoption applications are being accepted in Guatemala. Why don't you go troll on some mom boards?

I hope your husband punches you in the cunt until it heals over so that the world is spared any more potential human failures, OP.

This would have been much funnier if it had been, you know, funny.

Almost all of the names suggested by OP are used by CockyBoys "porn stars". Who knew porn could be such a great resource for new parents?

I suggest you make the child part of the process, begining with if he wants to change his name in the first place. Then buy baby name books, they come in Spanish, and work together as a family to find something that works for everyone.

OP, email that pretenscious frau at Lainey Gossip and have HER pick out your baby's new name!

2.4/10

Last I heard, only Colombia, Brazil and The Philippines were allowing adoption by American LG individuals or same sex couples. In any event, on the off-chance OP is not a troll, renaming a child is asking for trouble; giving him/her a trendy American name will only guarantee and compound that trouble. If, for example, the child’s name is “Enrique”, the best choice is to anglicize his name to “Henry” or “Harry”. I’m tempted to ask if the child hasn’t got enough adaptation issues ahead of him, without insisting on obliterating his original ethnic identity?

R53 are they tops or bottoms?

Is there such a thing as gayname?

Quit yer belly achin', OP.

My father never paid that much attention to me. You have no idea how good you have it.

What sort of trash bag changes an adopted 5yo’s name?

What R10 and R11 said..

If this is true, assuming you have the right to change someone's name because you've adopted them is presumptuous at least and indicates you plan on treating this child as a puppy.

Are you planning on changing his surname, too because it may be too ethnic for his(your?) own good?

R63, he's my son and he will carry my surname and my husbear's.

Okay OP, have fun erasing your adoptive child's identity.

Why are you renaming a five year old? Don’t you think that will be confusing for him, to say nothing of how it makes you look. He’s a person, not a dog from the pound.

R66 I'm giving him a new life and making him part of the family. I'm helping him integrate into American society.

Integration into American society isn't bound by how anglicized your name is.

This isn't 19th century Ellis island.

As an example. I was born to immigrant parents and given a very ethnic first name. I didn't like it when I was younger and expressed my desire to legally change it, but I chose a nickname instead.

Ultimately I'm glad I kept my "overly" ethnic first name, it's distinctive and kinda melodious, even if I have to spell it each time someone else needs to write it down.

I think the question is whether there is such a thing as gayname? Some say they can identify gays just by their names.

Folks, relax about the kid's welfare. There is no kid. Did you not read the original post?

NO ONE has a life like the ones described in the original post. Not even people who frequent this Hell Hole.

0/10

R71 Yup, I assume this is an EST, too, but it's still a fun debate.

You're right, R73. OP should just kick his sister in the gunt, drop the boys off with his father for a few hours, and go have a good time with his husbear.

Your child will hate you, and likely suffer from so much torture, if you are the type person who uses the word "husbear."

Don't bring this child anywhere near you for its own safety and well being.

The last thing you should worry about is changing his name. Are you fluent in Spanish? Do the schools in your area have programs for ESL students? Do you have a plan for an ESL son?

Idaho? Troll post.

Surely there are names between Idaho and Brett?

What is a "progressive" masculine name? One that sorta sounds masculine but not too offensively masculine? Is ther something offensive about Jason, Matthew, Benjamin, Philip, or James? Or some less used but wonderful European/Hispanic names like Joaquin?

What would you rather be called? Idaho or Matthew? Idaho or Joaquin? Idaho or James?

OP sounds incredibly shallow

Tegan? Idaho? You and your husband should e beaten across your spines for even considering those names.

[quote]You and your husband should be beaten across your spines for even considering those names.

OP should also be beaten just for referring to his husband as "husbear"

Give the kid two middle names. One a family name, usually the mom’s maiden name, you figure this out. The other a normal name, like Michael or William, so he can choose to go by that when he gets tired of being picked on.

Potentially interesting tableau, but the execution is trite and jejune.

Trite and Jejune. There are the names for this one and the next kid these imperialist scum yank from its own home country!

My other adopted sons are named Colton (15) and Packer (13). We need a name that is a good fit. I'm really keen on Mackenzie or Madison, but my husbear arms set on Tegan or Ashley.

Other options are alternative spelling Ashleigh or Dawson (just suggested by my husbear's FB)

If you expect your child to grow up among teenagers then I Da Ho is not a good choice.

Stick to Madison.

A gay couple (one of whom considers them self to be pansexual) who just adopted a baby gave him a regular name as first and the gender neutral name as the middle name so if the child grows up and rejects the more masculine name then the middle name is already official.

Posts like this make you long for the shit brickhouse troll to post more often.

0/10

I don't know about this family. This kid should probably be named Dawson.

R34 "Why does this sound like an EST?"

Because it is, Rose.

Yeah Madison is better than Idaho I grant you that, but my sister still thinks it's gayname

Idaho is the saddest, funniest EST for a name of all time. Seriously, is this an old-time “Live at the Apollo” punchline?

“I was out with this girl the other night oh she was a FREAK”

“Yeah, what’s her name?”

“Idaho!”

“I know you a ho but’s da ho?”

Idaho is from the movie my own private Idaho, which is one of my all time favorites. I want Rivers' fuckstick so bad up my shitpussy it hurts.

Ok I played along as far as I could. I da big big ho would be a great name for your non existent rugrat.

OP I love you more than anyone else in the whole world. Please marry me.

Bump for gayname

On the off chance you aren't trolling, a 5 year old knows his name. My parents legally changed my name when I was two. I did not comply.

Even though this was determined to be a fake post-I still wasted an FF for using the word ‘husbear’ -people who use that word should die and so should their children, relatives, and pets.

R97 he's my son and I get to name him. Shortlist is still Madison and Mackenzie, though I'm revisiting Tayte and Tara.

Those are the drag queeniest names of all time. You really hate this kid, and it shows. You’ve intentionally select names that are straight out of ‘Mean Girls”.

Total EST thread from a fucked up teenage drama queen posting here.

R100

Just one more in a long line of "Total EST thread(s) from a fucked up teenage drama queen posting here"

Or someone playing one. Badly. He's the shit brickhouse troll and a couple of others equally valued (which is to say, "not much") by the attentive and discerning readers of DL.

He tries, again and again, and gets shot down, again and again, illustrating an old definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results each time. Readers don't expect anything different. One wonders why he does.

It IS an EST, r34.

Badly over-written, OP.

Wait: Husbear? You really refer to your husband as "HUSBEAR"?

Scratch Ida-Ho off the list please!

Oh, what the hell, OP--go with Tayte. If you're going for "boyish and cute" it's always a plus to have a completely invented soap/pron name with a cutesy-poo spelling. Like Jaymes. Or Alysyn.

"he's my son and I get to name him"

Only in your fevered brain, dear: no he's not and no you don't.

Miss SissyBoodles.

Call him one of the names of the Bible: Matthew, Mark, Luke or John. He won't be picked on, and they are good solid names that are not trendy.

Start researching Reactive Attachment Disorder therapists NOW. #beentheredonethat

As someone already said, just anglicize his present name

This is a weird troll thread. Just call him Sue!

R24 Why don't you have anything constructive to say?

—OP

What does "constructive" mean when you're dealing with a disordered psycho's verbal diarrhea?

It's just not possible for anyone to be as criminally stupid as this OP. And no agency would be willing to turn a child over to someone this thoughtless and immature.

EST.

I love this family. It's every bit as damaged as my own.

The holidays with this folks must be memorable.

R111 you're so gross flyover frau who thinks boys should be named gross deplorable names like Brett, Norm, or Rick.

Name him Agador, or are you afraid of his Guatemalan-ness OP?

Bump for gayname

I have met boys named Madison, Montana, Dakota, and Mackenzie.

Bump for gayname: how about Yancy?

Yancy the nancy boy. Yes!!!

Any 5 year old already has a name that they recognize, OP this isn't a pet you are adopting it is a human being and already has a name and an identity.

I long for the days when our ESTs were much more convincing. There were past ESTs that could reel you in and make you think that the story was true. It was only on a second (or third) reading that you would pick up on the subtle clues that were the telltale signs of an EST. It was like reading a good mystery and finding out at the end that the real murderer was shown to us in the first chapter.

This EST was apparent by the time we read "husbear".

[quote] My sister insists on giving unwanted advice

So OP came to DL for more unwanted advice, which he has no intent on listening to, people be crazy.

Not even funny and a little homophobic. Sounds like deplorable EST.

My grandparents were immigrants to the U.S. and they baptized all their kids by Mexican names. Then when they went to school they started calling them by their Anglicized names. So, Juanita became Jenny, Juan was John, etc.

If OP is really a bigot like he claims and thinks Guatemalan names are terrible, and thinks by changing a brown kid’s name, he will be able to fool people into thinking he’s white, he could do that.

If he really insists on treating a Guatemalan like a WASP, he could call him a simple American name like John or Michael, while using the original name as the middle name. Then, later when the kid hates him and wants nothing to with him because he’s a control freak, the kid can call himself J. Enrique Fussybottom.

Or, r125, since OP has invented this story from beginning to end. we could all do something useful with our time, like watch Real Housewives reruns.

Have you considered Unique and Euphonious?

[quote] [R23] this is my life it's not meant to be funny.

Then you're succeeding!

Heck of a job Brownie is cute

Don't name your child "Brownie." It's a commonly used euphemism for 'turd.' It will give your child an inferiority complex. You don't want to give your child a complex.

OP does.

Mackenzie, Madison, Tayte, Dakotah, Skyler and Montana are all good, progressive, non-toxic names for boys.

Leave his name alone. He'll thank you later. It's enough to give him your western family name, whether it is Hogg or Snotgrass.

SLAP HER FACE, SLAP HER FACE VICIOUSLY!!

Carter is a good Virginian name.