I'm a young gay (21 years old), and I see a lot of people asking questions like "did X survive?" It makes me sad, and they didn't teach this stuff in school. It's hard to get a picture of just how devastating it was, and for many of you, it touched you personally.
What was the AIDS crisis like for you?
|by Anonymous||reply 91||03/17/2019|
Read one of the 1,000 other threads idiots like you start every week.
|by Anonymous||reply 1||03/13/2019|
At least he didn't begin his question with "Eldergays, tell me about...."
|by Anonymous||reply 2||03/13/2019|
Don’t ask this question, unless you’re prepared to hear deeply disturbing answers, OP.
|by Anonymous||reply 3||03/13/2019|
Everyone is still dead. One for 27 years. One for 24. One for 33. One for 31. I would have to get out a calendar to be more specific. There were always people dying.
27 years before that would have been 1965.
24 years before that would have been 1971.
33 years before that would have been 1953.
31 years before that would have been 1957.
My mind can't fathom that. And as I said, they're all still dead.
|by Anonymous||reply 4||03/13/2019|
[quote]It's hard to get a picture of just how devastating it was
It isn't, really, but it would require that you read a few books and watch some documentaries. And pay attention, meaning no tweeting, IG-ing, Whatsapp-ing or other attention-draining activity while you do it.
|by Anonymous||reply 5||03/13/2019|
OP Watch this
A wonderful, under-appreciated documentary about the lives of two homosexual men with AIDS. I am not affiliated with this film in any way. I just wanted more...
|by Anonymous||reply 6||03/13/2019|
R3 , OP doesn't really want to know; he's just a little troll boy who wandered here from 4chan, and he's waiting to amuse himself with the responses.
|by Anonymous||reply 7||03/13/2019|
OP make sure you watch the documentary WE WERE HERE.
Then watch BOYS IN THE BAND, THE NORMAL HEART and ANGELS IN AMERICA.
This is the trailer for the documentary WE WERE HERE, produced and directed by David Weissman, with Bill Weber, editor and co-director. See the whole film at...
|by Anonymous||reply 8||03/13/2019|
I also recommend HOW TO SURVIVE A PLAGUE and THE DALLAS BUYER'S CLUB.
HOW TO SURVIVE A PLAGUE is the story of the brave young men and women who successfully reversed the tide of an epidemic, demanded the attention of a fearful ...
|by Anonymous||reply 9||03/13/2019|
|by Anonymous||reply 10||03/13/2019|
There is a great documentary about the life and work of Ruth Coker Burks.
But since I can't recall the name, you really should read her story:
|by Anonymous||reply 11||03/13/2019|
I was born in 1978. I was anemic throughout my childhood, and around age five, doctors suggested blood transfusions but my parents were scared of AIDS and so instead I took iron supplements and they force fed me high-iron foods when I wouldn’t eat them.
AIDS was always part of the backdrop of my life, looming over me, but I was too young to know anyone with it during the 80s. Instead, I reached adolescence and realized I was gay, and that became something of an existential crisis for me. Subconsciously I always assumed I would die young from AIDS. I was 18 in 1996, suddenly exploding into post-high school social life, sowing my wild oats, and AIDS was deadly then with no end in sight. Matthew Shepard had been killed. Being gay just felt like a death sentence.
It really fucked with my head. I have never had sex that didn’t feel dangerous to me. I had unprotected anal sex one time in my life with someone I knew well, and it triggered a total emotional meltdown because of my fear of HIV.
My health completely fell apart in my early 30s with neurological and other extreme symptoms. I went to a doctor, Russian, and his first question was “when was your last HIV test?” After many years of degrading health, suspected to be from MS, it turned out to be from Lyme disease (better now), and as my body fell apart I just kept thinking how ironic it was that I feared HIV all my life and ended up with a disease not much better (these days, since HIV is treatable) from tick saliva.
I am 40 now, HIV negative, in a world where HIV is treatable and largely preventable, and the thought of it still terrifies me. I am pretty accepting of just about everything in life except this. I can’t be reasonable about it.
|by Anonymous||reply 12||03/13/2019|
Oooops. Wrong thread.
|by Anonymous||reply 13||03/13/2019|
Thank you all for the good suggestions, I'm watching "Silverlake Life" now, and I will find a link to "We Were Here" next.
R12 Thank you for sharing. That helps put into perspective for me the panic people felt, especially as it related to the rest of their health. Although people living with HIV are still stigmatized today, I now realize that in the 80s and 90s it was a struggle between life and death (and I am assuming less stigma) for many.
|by Anonymous||reply 14||03/13/2019|
OP, follow TheAiDSMemorial on Instagram.
|by Anonymous||reply 15||03/13/2019|
The love of my life, while suffering from AIDS dementia and over 100 other opportunistic viral infections, bit me and drew blood, less than a week before I had to bribe a funeral director to bury him. That’s how it was. Maybe you think you want to know what it was like, but I hope you never do.
|by Anonymous||reply 16||03/13/2019|
My uncle died in 1988. My grandparents were outraged that their son wasn't allowed to be buried in the family cemetery plot unless they agreed to put him in a lead-lined coffin. Every gay friend in his social circle died except for one, who miraculously managed to live with HIV until the mid-90s, when the "cocktail" finally became available. He's alive to this day. I imagine it must be similar to being a Holocaust survivor.
I recommend reading Lonely City by Olivia Laing, particularly for the section about artist and activist David Wojnarowic.
David Wojnarowicz, 1990/91
|by Anonymous||reply 17||03/13/2019|
R14 Interesting...I thought everyone understood it was a life/death crisis. My point in posting my experience was to convey that HIV infection and AIDS deaths never touched my life directly, and yet I grew up enveloped by the threats of them and I will never overcome that, even though I know it’s not rational any longer.
Think about it as living in a house with a murderer whom you know kills people who break certain rules, which are natural and everyday activities. Sort of like that movie Bird Box, maybe: Your instinct is to look, but if you look, you die. So you are always preoccupied with the threat, every step of life for your entire life.
For gay people only five or 10 years older than me, consider how their lives went: They were living, dating, mating, slowly gaining social acceptance, the present was better than ever and the future looked brighter than ever had been conceivable. And then suddenly many of the people they knew broke out in sores, lost weight and died. And then more and more and more. And the world recoiled in horror about the “gay cancer” that religious fundamentalists and even idiot scientists and politicians decided was God’s curse on their evil lifestyle. So you’re a social pariah, always wondering if you are about to be struck down, losing friends and lovers like a game of Russian roulette you didn’t opt into, and there is only fear and hatred directed toward you by most people. And you don’t know anymore about it than anyone, and so you wonder constantly if it IS a curse for your evil ways. You can’t help thinking about that.
It was a waking nightmare for a generation of gay men.
You should take eight minutes to watch this clip, which is fairly representative of the national temperament.
I dont own rights to this, all rights owned by Harpo Productions. Am sharing this video to show just what having HIV AIDS could mean for some. It is a proble...
|by Anonymous||reply 18||03/13/2019|
You guys are being trolled.
When was the last time you met someone who refers to himself as " a gay" ( as in OP's "I'm a young gay")? Whatever OP is, it's a fake.
You're pouring your hearts out and he's trolling your gullible asses.
|by Anonymous||reply 19||03/13/2019|
Sadly, it seems the devastating AIDS crisis hasn't taught gay men anything. Many still continue to have unprotected sex with strangers. Anyone who got infected in the 90s can't say they weren't warned. The recklessness is just heart-breaking. So many talented men could have been saved with condoms.
|by Anonymous||reply 20||03/13/2019|
op is woman
|by Anonymous||reply 21||03/13/2019|
[quote]I now realize that in the 80s and 90s it was a struggle between life and death (and I am assuming less stigma) for many.
Even if you haven't been educated on a lot of the details of the crisis, I truly don't undetstand how you could NOT know it was 'a struggle between life and death'.
|by Anonymous||reply 22||03/13/2019|
It was before the internet. I was isolated and thought there was something wrong with me. I was not sexually active so all that confusion and repression saved me, you might say.
|by Anonymous||reply 23||03/13/2019|
That was chastening, R16.
Are you doing okay now?
|by Anonymous||reply 24||03/13/2019|
R19, why are you so angry? I'm a gay and have been calling myself that for 57 years. You need to calm yourself and take a nerve pill or something.
|by Anonymous||reply 25||03/13/2019|
I guess everyone who died didn't have the natural immunity gene. Because guys are fucking more than ever- usually without condoms- hooking-up for years and years- and they remain HIV-.
|by Anonymous||reply 26||03/13/2019|
I second the LONGTIME COMPANION suggestion. I saw it in Provincetown the summer it came out, and everybody came out of the little theatre sobbing like they were going to throw up their hearts.
|by Anonymous||reply 27||03/13/2019|
Yes. Longtime Companion.
|by Anonymous||reply 28||03/13/2019|
OP, if you want a good look at what it was like, go to the Colombarium at the Cathedral of St. John the Divine in NYC. Look around at the dates on the stones. Time and time again, you will see a man born in the late 40's to late 50's who died in the early 80's to mid 90's.
Again and again and again and again and again. If you're thinking and in touch with your feelings, you will leave in tears, knowing something of what it was like.
|by Anonymous||reply 29||03/13/2019|
I moved to NYC in 1982 at the age of 22, the AID's crisis was just hitting its stride as were my hormones. At that time in NYC there were so many guys dying, including friends getting sick, it was terrifying but you had to go on living, working.....socializing.
Im just glad that I always used condoms, even when drunk out of my mind.
At 58 I now look back at all the friends and acquaintances who are no longer alive and its still sad and still terrifying.
|by Anonymous||reply 30||03/13/2019|
I don't care if this is a troll thread. It might become source material for some researcher two hundred years from now looking for testimony from fellows who actually lived through the age of AIDS.
I was active in the gay community for several years before I actually lost my virginity. My doctor was well known for his large gay practice and around 1983 he ordered bloodwork after my annual physical so I went to the lab next to his office. Quite a kerfuffle when a patient of Dr Phil's arrived. The technician put on a visor over her eyes and a surgical mask just to draw blood from me. I was told later by a nurse friend who was also a patient of the same doctor that that was standard procedure around known or suspected gay men to protect the lab employees. We simply didn't know at the time just how the HIV was transmitted.
|by Anonymous||reply 31||03/13/2019|
I went to the municipal pool and everyone got out (I thought it was because I was wearing a thong). They all say on the edge of the pool- dozens of them- and just glared at me. Then the insults started: pansy; maggot; fairy; pantywaist; Mary Alice; woman; sissy; prissy; wussy; ankle-grabber; pervert; belly; turd burglar... I finished my swim and got out when something hit me. Then another thing. They were throwing paper towels smeared with ketchup at me and shouting "Plug it up!". I burst into tears and broke into a run. I never went back.
|by Anonymous||reply 32||03/13/2019|
R32 might mislead the researchers from two hundred years in the future. It was well after the advent of the AIDS cocktail that the phrase "turd burglar" became the most commonly used nickname for a gay man.
|by Anonymous||reply 33||03/13/2019|
RIP Kevin Burns, Nick Romania, Doug Stott, Jim Treis, Leo Fifis.
|by Anonymous||reply 34||03/13/2019|
My god, R16.
|by Anonymous||reply 35||03/13/2019|
Silverlake Life was the best detailed view of what it was like - horrific. Longtime Companin and We Were There are good societal overviews.
Coming of age in the mid-80s, sex will always equal death to me. The fear of bodily fluids and inability to just let go during sex has been drilled into me instinctively. I spent 7+ years -17-24 - assuming I was positive because of risky sex. At first because I didn’t know where to get it done (suburban area), then because thought “there’s nothing you can do it about so I don’t want to know definitively” - even though I assumed I was. I knew that from the first symptoms, I would have maybe 2 years.. so every cold, flu, sore throat became “the beginning of the end”.
When I finally got tested, it came back negative. I was shocked, cried for an hour and it was the beginning of a new life. But living under the threat of death while most kids are enjoying the feeling of immortality of youth will always be a part of me. Almost 50 and I feel like I’ve been given so much more life than I could have ever dreamed of as a kid. I wish I hadn’t lived in fear for so long - even after being tested, there were sporadic mistakes and weeks of terror.
When straight friends and family are so saddened by “dying young” in their 40s, 50s, I’m always a little cynical. So many people never got that chance and we’re treated like scum while they died. I remember thinking on 9/11, “where was the national mourning and horror when tens of thousands of gay men were dying before 35”. I’m a little embittered. But also grateful for all the time I’ve been given.
|by Anonymous||reply 36||03/13/2019|
My Dusty died in 1988.
|by Anonymous||reply 37||03/13/2019|
R36 are you fucking kidding me? Innocent people died at the hands of terrorists. Children die young of cancer they didn't ask for. Gay men die of AIDS because they refuse to use condoms when they fuck strangers in an alley. You see the difference? You want national mourning for something people chose to do to themselves? Fucking strangers is a choice. Not using condoms is also a choice. Dying in 9/11 is not a choice. You should be ashamed of yourself! Straight people don't call attention to their promiscuity, why should gay people? Safe sex is easy. Condoms are cheap. Yet people still engage in dangerous behavior. And you want this to be celebrated?
|by Anonymous||reply 38||03/13/2019|
I was in middle school and high school. I remember Freddie Mercury and Rock Hudson dying of "gay AIDS disease", but was insolated from seeing the devastating impact on the gay community.
|by Anonymous||reply 39||03/13/2019|
My viewpoint was different because I'm a straight female. I had surgery in 1980 and the Dr. accidentally killed me on the table and I needed multiple blood transfusions. They didn't know yet that it could be transmitted thru blood so blood wasn't tested for it. Years down the road I was tested for it but thankfully didn't have it.
we had an 18 year old male in town who got aids and then got mad so he purposely spread it to several women and all of them died.
|by Anonymous||reply 40||03/13/2019|
Most of the 35 friends I lost to AIDS were infected before we knew about HIV, R38.
|by Anonymous||reply 41||03/13/2019|
Also take a look at the AIDS quilt for the gravity and insights of the broad range of lives lost
|by Anonymous||reply 42||03/13/2019|
OP it wasn't just that they died, it was all the suffering they went thru. At first their families abandoned them People wouldn't touch them. They were treated worse than animals. It was a horrid time.
|by Anonymous||reply 43||03/13/2019|
And the constant anxiety of not knowing in the years before the HIV test and experience of waiting weeks for the test results. Another worthwhile movie which addresses that is “the Test.” Believe it was just made few years ago.
|by Anonymous||reply 44||03/13/2019|
I liken it to surviving war time. Though the impact wasnt as immediate,it was devastating nonetheless. So many friends, ex's and crushes gone,so much suffering and sickness and death and tears. I firmly believe we of a "certain age" truly do suffer from a form of PTSD. I also firmly believe that until you live something like that,you really cant understand how it FELT. Try calling up the mother of your high school boyfriend and having her break into sobs and telling you he died 3 years before . And you were only 23.
|by Anonymous||reply 45||03/13/2019|
R41 yes, infected through their own dangerous actions (unprotected sex). We are not talking about flu or malaria here. Asking for 'national mourning' for your choice to have unsafe sex with a stranger is like asking to mourn people who got behind the wheel drunk and killed themselves and others. The petty jealousy in R36 post towards straight people who died through no fault of their own is shocking. People already hate us enough, please don't let them think we are all this stupid.
|by Anonymous||reply 46||03/13/2019|
You 're a bit of an asshole, aren't you, r41 ? My friends who died in the early eighties were infected in the seventies. There was no inkling that this would happen and they were just enjoying their lives the way everybody was back then. Even straight people were promiscuous.
|by Anonymous||reply 47||03/13/2019|
Whoops. I meant R46 .
|by Anonymous||reply 48||03/13/2019|
R41 /R46 I never thought I'd type this, but please please die of something excruciating, and live-blog it. Thanks !
|by Anonymous||reply 49||03/13/2019|
R38 and R46 - I assume you are trolling. But as an education to others - those are the exact talking points of straight people from the 1980s. AIDS was the punishment for promiscuous sex and gays deserved it. In reality, most who died were infected before decent sexual transmission education was available. But I always thought - if every accidental pregnancy in the US was instead a case of a fatal disease, people might look at it differently. If instead of your daughter getting pregnant - and having the ability to choose abortion - she instead was destined to die in 5 years, would you still do nothing but scorn her and watch her die “rightfully” for her sins?
|by Anonymous||reply 50||03/13/2019|
I'm a millennial so thankfully I didn't experience the crisis, like others who have posted. However, it did affect me, because the one person in my family, a cousin, that was openly gay died of AIDS, shortly before the drug cocktail became available. So, basically I grew up thinking that M2M sex would result in death. Later when I realized that I am bisexual, it led to me questioning if I too would die. I wish my cousin would have lived, so I could have talked to him and had his support.
|by Anonymous||reply 51||03/13/2019|
Why do people always focus on gay men, when in Africa it was primarily a hetero disease? And countless women and children were infected in the U.S.: blood transfusions; cheating hubbies...
It's just a freakin blood-borne human disease. That's all.
|by Anonymous||reply 52||03/13/2019|
Die in a fucking grease fire, R38. Why are you on a gay discussion board?
|by Anonymous||reply 53||03/13/2019|
No national morning for the sex crazed gays. What an ass. So no national morning for heart disease (they knowing eat poorly). None for diabetes. And it could even be argued we asked for 9/11 with our fucked up middle east shinanagins. Everyone deserves what they get.
|by Anonymous||reply 54||03/13/2019|
It was unimaginable! Horrible! Most of our friends died early on. We lived in SF. We were sexually active, (who wasn't?) and people we had had sex with died. R46... not that it matters but most of our friends did not know anything about AIDS or how it was spread. It wasn't even called AIDS at the time. Healthy men died in a matter of months. They wasted away. Kaposi's Sarcoma was particularly insidious. Beautiful men developed large purple sores all over their body. Many occurred on the face. The combination of sorrow and fear has scarred me for life. The fact is, had Reagan jumped on AIDS like they did Legionnaires disease, perhaps fewer would have died in their prime. When there was finally a test, we struggled whether to take it. We just assumed we were infected and were fearful of the diagnosis. Remember it took many years before a test was available and it took weeks to get the results. By the way, there is lots of ignorance floating around this thread.
|by Anonymous||reply 55||03/13/2019|
The AIDS Crisis was just so much fun! You should have been there
|by Anonymous||reply 56||03/13/2019|
My apologies R41 . I can't count posts when I'm in a rage.
|by Anonymous||reply 57||03/13/2019|
[quote]Asking for 'national mourning' for your choice to have unsafe sex with a stranger
There was no such thing as safe sex v. unsafe sex in 1976-1981. Do I call you Dumbass or Meanass?
|by Anonymous||reply 58||03/13/2019|
I was too young for the AIDS crisis to personally impact me, but because I've actually picked up a book, I'm well aware that tons of gay guys were infected years before anyone even knew what HIV/AIDS was. Even if the fool that blames it on the gays for being promiscuous had a point (which he doesn't, unless he blames people who die of heart disease, certain types of cancer, etc. for their own deaths), it wouldn't apply to a lot of the guys that passed away. That's the nicest reply I can type to that idiot who doesn't belong on a gay website.
|by Anonymous||reply 59||03/13/2019|
one more thing. if a person wasn't gay then most people really didn't care because they thought it only infected gays. Once they found out it could be spread to heterosexuals is when things started to change.
|by Anonymous||reply 60||03/13/2019|
Muriel, please replenish the FFs. We need them for r38 and r46, and we need them now.
|by Anonymous||reply 61||03/13/2019|
Read the book _Eighty-Sixed_ by David Feinberg
|by Anonymous||reply 62||03/13/2019|
I try to avoid assuming. My straight best friend asked my why I didn't have any friends my own age. I told him they were all dead. his face went ashen. People are stupid. They really don't know.
|by Anonymous||reply 63||03/13/2019|
I knew someone I loved was going to get aids, so I moved half a country away...hoping I would not have to deal with it.
|by Anonymous||reply 64||03/13/2019|
Agree with R61. I used up all my FFs on the asshole troll who says people deserved to die from AIDS. I don’t care if it is some lonely stupid internet troll. He really deserves a smackdown.
|by Anonymous||reply 65||03/13/2019|
Thank you everyone for sharing, especially those of you with a personal story. The cruelty and disregard that other Americans expressed for people who were fighting for their lives (and losing) brings is shameful. It probably isn't a surprise that they teach none of this in school. There are a lot of people who are around my age that will never think to search for a YouTube video to find out more information. I have a newfound respect for this person I saw on Grindr a few months ago who created a profile solely to tell people about how to protect themselves.
As a personal aside, I started taking PrEP about 6 months ago. Although I'm single, I have sex roughly once or twice a month and usually meet another student on a hookup app. I use protection, but the last time my condom accidentally came off at some point. I was concerned for the other kid (who was 18) and tried to show him my meds, but he was so completely unworried and seeing him not care at all about it shocked me. There's something powerful about knowing now that within my parent's lifetime that mistake could have killed either one of us, and we wouldn't have known a thing. Again, thanks for sharing and I will try to find the books and programs you all mentioned.
|by Anonymous||reply 66||03/13/2019|
^R66 is OP by the way.
|by Anonymous||reply 67||03/13/2019|
I said upthread, I don't like making assumptions. We all have this in common. We were dismissed as garbage. We have to care for each other, since we can't count on anyone else to. BTW, our Lesbian Sisters were our greatest friends and allies. Please never forget how much they helped us and cared for us, when no one else would. I kid with them here on DL, but I love them with a passion they'll probably never know.
|by Anonymous||reply 68||03/13/2019|
I was 24 in 1981 and it freaked me out but I was living in places like Ft Smith Arkansas and Springfield , MO at the time so I wasn't grasping the full impact other than what was in the news. It was frightening so that sex became very limited. I tested negative as late as 2003..When I finally came down with HIV , I wasn't shaken at all and I even went to full blown AIDS..The new meds brought me back to health and I rarely think about it (am now celibate) and am 62yrs old. I expect the meds will wear me down eventually and die around 75 if not sooner. I had picked up a hunky Native American while we were both drunk at a bar and he came inside me. Just like Russian roulette, I lost! That was probably 2005 and never tested as I couldn't possibly imagine an Eskimo from Alaska could be the ONE who gave me the "bug". Anywhooo…. So it was detected as I was near death from the PCP pneumonia and wheeled into the local ER in 2011 , not having a clue what was happening to me thinking I just had developed COPD and chronic bronchitis from years of smoking. What a mess but I am fine now . Anyone wanting to judge me , have at it.
|by Anonymous||reply 69||03/13/2019|
There is a book called The Boys In The Band that traces the epidemic. The Normal Heart is also a beautiful movie.
|by Anonymous||reply 70||03/13/2019|
You mean And The Band Played On by Randy Shilts, R70. The Boys in the Band is something else altogether...
|by Anonymous||reply 71||03/13/2019|
No, R70. No.
The Boys in the Band is a play by Mart Crowley. It debuted off-Broadway in 1968. It has nothing to with AIDS, though most of the cast died of AIDS in the years to come.
You probably mean "And the Band Played On" by Randy Shilts. It is a book that purports to tell the story of the early years of AIDS. It gets some of it right, buit a lot of it is dreadfully wrong, misunderstood, or entirely fabricated. It is not an accurate account of the facts.
"The Normal Heart" was first an offts, but the SNP is snarling away in the background, and we all know that the DUP are just two-bit whores who represent only a minority of the NI electorate. These chickens will eventually be coming home to roost, and that will be another nightmare (I think this was one of the seething, deathly serious remarks May made in her postdefeat speech yesterday?).-Broadway play. It has been produced the world over and after several decades was turned into a movie.
|by Anonymous||reply 72||03/13/2019|
Oh yes, I did meant And The Band Played On. It was the first thing I ever read about AIDS and I was fascinated. I do know there is a lot of controversy about its facts.
|by Anonymous||reply 73||03/13/2019|
Right now I started to taking prep, and I only have one parnert, anyway I always try to use condoms, keep into your stories, this should never be forgotten, since I have 25 I couldn't feel all the struggle the people lived on that time
|by Anonymous||reply 74||03/13/2019|
R69 - no judgment. But interesting you let it go so long without being tested. Was that a certain fatalism?
I feel like there was a period where I was just so tired of being constantly paranoid and vigilant, I could have had unsafe sex. In retrospect it was depression. Middle age also makes me feel like I need to live to the edge. I never expected to live past 40, never mind 60. I have had plenty of life and more than I ever could have imagined - but I still wouldn’t choose to die.
|by Anonymous||reply 75||03/13/2019|
R75 ..as you said the weariness of vigilance and worry and it felt SO good again, as I had experienced "raw' sex in high school in the early 70's with my wrestler /boy scout lover. And by the 2000's , honestly it seemed to be somewhat over and not discussed. My Doctor asked me why , too I never tested, and I guess I just thought I could beat the odds. I was also quite actively alcoholic during that period so, ya know...! I would have been nearly 50 at the time and the flattery for this strapping hunk who was mid -30's was too tempting to give up , like it was my last chance(it kind of was , in an odd sense)
|by Anonymous||reply 76||03/13/2019|
Could totally see that happening R76. Alcohol and middle age slump are tough ones. At least you got a few more years.
|by Anonymous||reply 77||03/13/2019|
Thank you for asking, R24.. Somehow I survived the decade of bitterness it took before I could regain faith or trust in anyone or anything, or any interest in retuning to a normal life, so to speak. Eventually, I met a man I love very much, and who loves me. We married almost fifteen years ago and have good life together.
|by Anonymous||reply 78||03/13/2019|
One ex-partner died of suicide based on an HIV-diagnosis. Then my second ex-partner died of AIDS-related brain lymphoma. A group of 35 people took care of him over a period of 6 months, including hospice care. Life for me is intertwined with death, even now. I barely have any sex now, it's just too difficult for me. I spent much of my earlier adult years recording oral histories of people who were dying. I tried to get used to being around death, to help myself naturalize dying.
|by Anonymous||reply 79||03/13/2019|
I didn't die, or even seroconvert, but having moved to NYC in '81 as a teen, many of my friend, acquaintances, and guys I dated did. I often feel like a noticeable part of me died with them. Sometimes I think others notice that about me too.
|by Anonymous||reply 80||03/13/2019|
Well said R79. It’s like people who work as a hospice nurse, death is a central component of your life and outlook. Maybe it has helped us live more pragmatically and realistically being so aware of death, but it has definitely filled years with grief and pain. When family or friends started dying of natural causes, it wasn’t as shocking or traumatic for me,
|by Anonymous||reply 81||03/14/2019|
R79, what did you do with the histories you collected?
|by Anonymous||reply 82||03/14/2019|
R6 Thank you for giving us the link to that documentary. I just finished it. How I missed it I don't know. I strongly encourage anyone on this thread who hasn't seen it to make it a priority to watch. I went through the war, and this resonated greatly.
|by Anonymous||reply 83||03/14/2019|
Hello, researchers 200 years in the future. If you're reading this now, I will also be the person who will post the bitchy comment about Felicity Huffman's outfit at her sentencing in the College Admissions Scandal Thread, Part 87: The Bursaring, comment R472
|by Anonymous||reply 84||03/14/2019|
Those of us who lived through the worst of it, don't have the comfort of a bubble of deniability about death. I will approach the end with my eyes wide open. We thought we were invulnerable once. Not anymore. I am grateful to be alive every day.
|by Anonymous||reply 85||03/14/2019|
That story at R11 makes me cry every single time I read it. What an angel that woman is. She should be a patron saint of gay men.
|by Anonymous||reply 86||03/14/2019|
 All the interviews are held in an archive in San Francisco.
|by Anonymous||reply 87||03/16/2019|
R87 thank you so much for thinking of that and carrying it out. Primary sources are so important and are lost so quickly.
|by Anonymous||reply 88||03/16/2019|
R69, sorry to hear. And you didn't know, but native americans and alaskans have much higher rates of HIV and other STIs than the general population.
|by Anonymous||reply 89||03/17/2019|
I was lucky enough to have a high school English teacher decide she was going to teach us what should could about HIV/AIDS back in 1986.
Thank you Ms. Miller.
|by Anonymous||reply 90||03/17/2019|
You should send her a card.
|by Anonymous||reply 91||03/17/2019|