Cast the inevitable Lifetime movie "Mother, May I Go to Stanford?" about the Felicity Huffman-Lori Loughlin cheating scandal

Mindy Cohen as the tough women's Volleyball Coach

who's on the take - making as much money as she can

to feed her 'habit'

Weren’t these crappy movies paying Lori’s bills until her even crappier sitcom got rebooted?

I'm Tori Spelling's agent, desperately sending headshots of my client to the Lifetime Network

How far will a famous mother's love go... to get her child into the college of her choice?

A Lifetime TV movie that will surprise you, coming to Lifetime.

Can we cast Glenn as a butch women's soccer coach or something?

Rosie O'Donnell needs a job, can she just do a walk on like in A Very Brady Sequel?

SAMPLE DIALOGUE:

"Bill, I'd rather die than see our daughter have to go to Chico State!"

William H. Macy as William H. Macy

They play themselves duh!

Jorja Fox as Felicity

The final scene features a cameo by the real Lori as herself showing us the new life she leads in some third world hellhole with no extradition treaty with the United States.

Candace Cameron as Lori Loughlin

John Stamos as Mossimo

More dialogue:

"Face it, Mossimo: our daughter is limited!"

India Eisley as Olivia Jade

Soundtrack by Phillip Glass

Daring FBI agent Laura Smith, who unraveled the scheme for many of the perps involved, is portrayed by Candace Cameron, but only at the end removes her mask to be revealed as ... NICOLLETTE SHERIDAN!!! (Spoiler alert: she's playing herself! "Laura" turns out to have been Nicollette all along!)

[Final cut to the Universal backlot, where Nicollette throws Molotov cocktails at the house where Felicity's character lived on "Desperate Housewives."]

Zosia Mamet as Sofia Grace Macy.

She needs work.

Jodie Foster as the head of Yale Admissions who uncovered this whole shady biz.

MORE DIALOGUE:

FELICITY Godamnit, Bill, you said Marica Cross had it all figured out.

BILL Gimme a beer.

END ACT ONE

I like that R19

Amy Adams as Lori Laughlin - girl needs an Oscar!

I'd put some serious money into a bet that Jennie Garth will star in a TV movie about this.

I can totally see her screaming. " Our daughter needs this! WEEEEEEE NEED THIS!"

Wendie Malick as stern, but lovable, college professor who can't deal with bratty studens and their even worse parents who think they can buy themselves in college and out of everything including bullying a promising, but cash poor, student.

sorry, buy themselves INTO college and out of ...

HBO or Showtime should do something raunchy about this with sex, drugs, blackmail and Michael Bolton music. Like a Little Big Lies version of this.

It should be a grand Opera.

Shouldnt the title be:

Mother, Do I Have To Go To Stanford?

Most of these kids didn’t even care it seems.

Also, Olivia Jade is very attractive and seem like the type straight jocks would love, so she’d have to be played by Jacob Tobias!!!

DL Fave Crissy Metz as all the universities

Lifetime better roll this out fast. FX is already working on an Aaron Sorkin-penned version called The College Fund.

Ted Danson as the ruthless William Rick Singer: college admissions ringer.

John Malkovich as David Mamet: frequent dinner companion and confidant to the Huffman-Macys, who is secretly repulsed by Felicity’s pathetic bourgeois yearning to send her mediocrity to a “prestigious university” while her pussywhipped husband goes along with her misguided, low-rent schemes instead of buying a damn campus building.

All the while, he revels in their downfall by sarcastically complementing their parental dedication while making droll observations about the futility of pursuing higher education.

Mark Hamill as Macy

Tig Notaro as the dyke USC rowing coach

Teri Hatcher will accept any role just to be a part of it.

Someone needs to play Kathryn Joosten as Mrs. McClusky complaining she didn't like any of the Housewives and how they were all awful except Vanessa Williams. Maybe Kate McKinnon could play her

Bill Macy as William H. Macy.

Chrissy Metz as the hungry DA, willing to do whatever it takes to catchc a break...fast.

AHS's Jamie Brewer as Lori & Mossimo's college bound daughter.

"But I d-d-did d-d-do good on my SAT."

Joey Mills as a CEO's retarded son who just wants to suck cock but is cheated into Pepperdine. Well, it's a happy ending.

Morena Baccarin as Teri Hatcher in a brief scene of Teri sitting at her breakfast table. She reading about Huffman's arrest on an iPad wihile taking a sip of coffee from a "Brown University Mom' mug.

Kristin Chenoweth as Lori and Hugh Jackman as Mr. Lori in the musical version.

Tony Goldwyn as disgraced attorney Gordan Caplan.

Heather Matarrazzo as Isabella Giannulli

A walk on part for Tiffany Trump needs to be incorporated (Daddy said getting me into college compared to retards Jr & Eric was a real deal! Thanks Daddy! )

Bravo/a OP 🙌👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

Mel Gibson as Jesus, in Lori's vision of Christ guiding her blessed daughter to the gates of USC.

Antonio Sabato, jr as fashion designer who signs the check hoping it will shut his nagging shrew of wife finally up. Once upon a time she was hot. Now she's just a whiny bitch. In his mind he's already making out with his latest male model discovery. Of course he blames his crazy wife for pushing him into the arms of a much younger man. That bitch.

Guys, please... Lori is one of the stars of the hugely popular "When Calls the Heart" (seen on Hallmark)

I know the lore of "Mother, May I______" movies here on DL, but just this once, shouldn't this epic and sprawling tawdry tale of uber-entitled fraudom be titled, "When Calls the Judge"? or "When Calls the Feds"?

Cradling my mug as I read juicy deets! - not really, just sayin'.

John Stamos needs to play the chairman of USC who throws lil OJ off his yacht when the shit hits the fan.

When Calls The Form To Sign Your Name

When Calls the Fraud

Joan Collins as ice cold grandmother who humanizes the overly ambitious mother using bribery to get her daughter into college.

[quote] I know the lore of "Mother, May I______" movies here on DL, but just this once, shouldn't this epic and sprawling tawdry tale of uber-entitled fraudom be titled, "When Calls the Judge"? or "When Calls the Feds"?

No, please don't! This is my legacy that should live on forever!

Not Without My Stupid Cunt Daughter

Peter Krause to play Felicity Huffman

Tori Spelling as Olivia Jade

[quote] I know the lore of "Mother, May I______" movies here on DL, but just this once, shouldn't this epic and sprawling tawdry tale of uber-entitled fraudom be titled, "When Calls the Judge"? or "When Calls the Feds"?

Nope! It's titled "Mother, May I Go to Stanford?"

I can play myself. God knows I'll need the work.

I think this casting for the TV movie would make Kathryn Joosten smile.

Grayson McCouch as sanctimonious, moralizing Rob Lowe, posting furiously on Instagram.

When Calls The Privilege

A Pretty Little Liar knock-off where privileged, female students bond over being terrorized by their overly ambitious parents who stop at nothing to give their children an elite education. The horror!

AIKC clearly joined us in a manic semi-lucid moment between horrible mental illnesses.

George Eads' ex-wife looks like Felicity in Transamerica

This must be so embarrassing for Felicity. But it says something about where Macy and Huffman are from that they would think this was the proper channel for them to further their interests. It's crass but the intention is the same as is thought to be acceptable behaviour for other people. They just didn't know the right channel to funnel their money - they could've set up an endowment at their desired university. They probably just didn't know.

Nicolette Sheridan sure could use the work now that Dynasty is done with her.

I think it should be done with dolls like Todd Haynes’ Superstar Karen biopic.

Ana Ortiz as Latina mother who is furious that her talented daughter got denied and now is out for blood and taking revenge on these entitled privileged moms.

What pisses me off is that Huffman is from quite a bit of money to begin with.

Can I at least play myself? You bitches ruined my career!

[quote] What pisses me off is that Huffman is from quite a bit of money to begin with.

Why? Status obsessed rich people cannot bear the thought that others may think that their offspring are untalented losers who will not be the bestest (I know, I know) and greatest of their generation.

[bold]Scene 230 (no dialogue):[/bold]

[italic]This text will be italics[/italic] Scene begins with: Close-up of Felicity's cell, as Felicity tries to phone old friend Marcia Cross for the 15th time. No answer, straight to voicemail.

[italic]Cut to:[/italic] Scene from Melrose Place playing on Felicity's big screen TV. Onscreen, Marcia Cross removes her wig, revealing her disfigured head. The image on the TV is revealed via a slow left-to-right arc.

[italic]Quick cut to:[/italic] Felicity holding white wine. Felicity drinks the wine, her eyes betraying their unforced normal state: a cold stare.

[italic]Quick cut to:[/italic] Marcia Cross onscreen. She is saying, "They must all have lobotomies," as Phillip Glass's score swells up over the muffled sounds in Felicity's darkened library.

[bold]End scene[/bold]

Desperately Full Felonies

Not Without My Daughter........'s Phony SAT Scores

If you liked Homeless to Harvard, you'll love the sequel Asshole to Harvard: The Jared Kushner Story

Guys.... Caitlin Jenner IS Felicity Huffman!

Keri Russell as Felicity!

William H Macy as Felicity Huffman

Meredith Talusan as Felicity Huffman

Jacob Tobia as Lori Loughlin

I could see Tori Spelling trying to pull this shit off with her den of children.

Lol as if she could afford it R79

R79 she would talk Candy in to helping her kids succeed so Tori and her lazy ass children are set for life.

R81 lazy ass Husband, not children. I keep typing too fast. Damn.

At this point Tori couldn't afford to bribe Chuck E. Cheese to get a table by the window.

R83 Marry me

As for Candy, she has more than enough money to buy the grandkids into college the legal way

Maeve McGuire

Nancy Flood

Sharon Gabet

Where are our parts, bitches?

Edie McClurg as William H. Macy

Alexis Neiers as Olivia Jade

Where's Jussie's part in all of this?

Is there something for Colton?

Steve Bannon as William H. Macy

Hunter Tylo as OJ

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

Kristen Schaal as the head of the Hearties fan club

Chet Haze as Billa

Hearties: Melissa McCarthy, Chrissy Metz, Aidy Bryant and Jussie Smollett

This is why I love DL.

How can I get my kid into community college?

Lindsey Lohan as LL

R97

Delta Burke as Lori’s Manager and eventual whistleblower when cornered by the Feds at a fried chicken buffet.

Joey Lawerence as Mossimo “Whoa, 500Gs is a lot of money, Blossom”.

Courtney Cox as Felicity Huffman “My face was frozen in shock when I recreated the arrest scene”.- Courtney’s ET Interview

Kylie Jenner as Olivia Jade “In this scene Kylie, you will be topless and sucking on a huge pencil while pretending to take your SAT”. “Hold my lip kit, I got this”.

Oprah Winfrey as the narrator “When really need something fat, interest baring, and extremely black in this movie besides the bank accounts of Lori and Felicity” .

Lisa Rhinna as Lori Louglin “I can really relate to this role, I have no talent daughters and a gay husband who will never amount to anything unless I whore myself out in bad television to make money for bribes. It’s like this part was written for me”.

Why go Lifetime? This could be an Oscar vehicle. I'll play Felicity and G can play William H. Macy.

Kiernan Shipka as the rush chair for Kappa Kappa Gamma:

"Like, Olivia is rilly pretty and smart, but I don't know if we're supposed to, like, give bids to retarded people."

D'oh ... "pretty and rich"

What is this world coming to? The next thing you know, we’re going to going to hear that Teri Hatcher ripped the tag off a pillow case.

Let's cast the alternative to Lori's "Garage Sale Mysteries" as "College Sale Mysteries". We take this from the prosecutors perspective... who will player Singer, the man at the top of the college admission game? Who makes up the team of federal prosecutors who begin focusing on Singer? How many cameos will celebrities make as admissions officers, overzealous and unsrupulous parents?

When Calls The Lawyer

When Calls the Bail Bondsman

Kaia Gerber as OJade.

Spencer Pratt as the brainiac who took the SATs.

Henry Winkler as Mossimo.

We can all agree that Aunt Becky is going to hell, right?

The Olsen twins can bailout Lori in the Lifetime Movie.

Someone in another thread suggested Edie Falco for Felicity.

Octavia Spencer as Niki Williams the Houston exam administrator.

R104 Jeffrey Tambour wearing a Julius Caesar toupee will play Singer or Ted Dansen.

Celia Imrie as someone important in the university faculty since the movie needs at least one person with a distinguished British accent to give the whole high end education plotline some class and snobbish dignity.

Edie Falco and Tifini Thiesen

LOL, best title ever! Thanks, OP!

The events unfolding are too campy and bizarre for even a Lifetime drama. A musical extravaganza would better suit the material, IMO.

Here are some song ideas for the musical version:

College Forms Is Hard!

The Helicopter Mom Ballet

Rick the Fixer’s Miracle Elixir

Photoshop of Whorers

Let’s Be A.D.D. for the S.A.T.

Proctoring Gamble

The Dentistry Dean’s Daughter

What About The Asians?

Trustee Caruso’s Pleasure Yacht

Broken Trojans

Ya Shoulda Boughta Building (On the USC)

Mossimo and the Amazing Multicolor Jean Jacket

A New Kind of Cheek Filler (Welcome To Jail)

"Celia Imrie as someone important in the university faculty since the movie needs at least one person with a distinguished British accent to give the whole high end education plotline some class and snobbish dignity."

How about DL fave Tom Hiddleston as some sort of administrator?

Jodie Foster as William H. Macy's briskly efficient lawyer.

R117 Proctoring Gamble is too hilarious!

Mandy Moore as Lori

Milo Ventimiglia as Mossimo or even William H. Macy, I'll leave that up to the Casting Director.

The Rinna/Hamlin girls as the Loughlin girls as they can probably just be themselves and still be in character, no acting required.

Eve Plumb as Felicity, she needs a role to sink her teeth into and get over her resentment of being typecast as Jan and the whole Brady bitterness she carries, I think a role like this would be very healing for her.

Yes! Jan, Jan, Jan... a career revival role! Eve Plumb for the Emmy... is it outstanding actress in a drama or a comedy?

Only the script will tell.

It would be all kinds of awesome if there were multiple tv films about this, like there were for the Amy Fisher/Joey Buttafuoco story. It would be great to compare Lori and Felicities

SJP as Felicity (Cynthia Nixon if SJP declines)

Kristen Davis as Lori

Kim Cattrall as the Lawyer escorting Macy

David Eigenberg ("Steve Brady") as Mossimo, look at a current picture of David and you'll get what I mean.

[quote]It would be all kinds of awesome if there were multiple tv films about this, like there were for the Amy Fisher/Joey Buttafuoco story. It would be great to compare Lori and Felicities.

Showtime or HBO should do a movie and cast Edie Falco as Felicity.

[quote]Is there something for Colton?

Colton can play a USC football player who fucks Olivia Jade in the locker room.

Eve Plumb is fat now.

[quote]R84 As for Candy, she has more than enough money to buy the grandkids into college the legal way

Sharon Gless as Candy Spelling.

Can't Huffman and Loughlin do cameos in the next Bad Moms sequel? That would seem a likely way forward.

[quote]Henry Winkler as Mossimo.

Good one.

In my opinion Garth would be good as Felicity Huffman.

[quote]All the while, he revels in their downfall by sarcastically complementing their parental dedication while making droll observations about the futility of pursuing higher education.

...and talking up his hero Trump, blathering all sorts of right-wing, Zionist, reactionary gibberish. Macy is of course very impressed, as he's never been much of a thinker himself.